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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22745665">Disorder</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterironspiderling/pseuds/winterironspiderling'>winterironspiderling</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Disorder [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bottom Peter Parker, Depressed Peter Parker, Eating Disorders, Eventual Happy Ending, Food Issues, Friends to Lovers, Gyms, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecurity, Lonely Tony Stark, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Protective Tony Stark, Self Confidence Issues, Shy Peter Parker, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Top Tony Stark, Weight Issues, idiots to lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:20:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>215,398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22745665</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterironspiderling/pseuds/winterironspiderling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter is 240 pounds and miserable at only 17. He decides enough is enough and signs up for a gym membership and personal training lessons. With Tony as his trainer, Peter learns that there's more to the journey than just losing weight.</p><p>//</p><p>Translations Available:</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23639473">Español/Spanish</a><br/><a href="https://ficbook.net/readfic/9593403">Pусский/Russian 1</a></p><p>  <a href="https://ficbook.net/readfic/10337291"> Pусский/Russian 2</a></p><p>Moodboards and Playlists:</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://winterironspiderling.tumblr.com/post/613946177599275008/disorder-playlist-and-moodboard-13-peters?is_related_post=">Peter's Theme</a><br/><a href="https://winterironspiderling.tumblr.com/post/616575447699980288/disorder-playlist-and-moodboard-23-tonys-theme">Tony's Theme</a><br/><a href="https://winterironspiderling.tumblr.com/post/628253523167117312/disorder-playlist-and-moodboard-33-peters">Peter's Workouts</a></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Parker/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Disorder [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980826</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>920</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>ellie marvel fics - read</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Inspection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">

        <li>
          Translation into Español available: 
            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23639473">Disorder</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/syl_Mar/pseuds/syl_Mar">syl_Mar</a>
        </li>


    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello and welcome.</p><p>The title is directly taken from Joy Division's song Disorder.</p><p>This is a recovery story with a happy ending, but it's a bumpy road with lapses and difficulties for poor Peter. Look out for chapter-specific warnings like *bingeing, referenced self-harm, and disordered eating habits*.</p><p>Even if you don't have an ED or know about them, you'll still be able to enjoy this story for its basic plotline which is Peter joining a gym and meeting Tony. :')</p><p>Enjoy xx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><hr/><p>Peter tried to avoid his own gaze while he stood before the bathroom mirror brushing his teeth. Everything was too much. His skin was too flushed. His cheeks were too chubby. The soft swell of skin on his neck was well past becoming a double chin. Even the hand holding his toothbrush seemed swollen. He felt embarrassed of himself even when he was alone.</p><p>On a bad day he felt ashamed and disgusting, and on a good day, he felt apathetic and complacent. He hadn’t decided what today was going to be yet.</p><p>What was he even supposed to do about the weight, anyway? He’d been chubby his whole life, and it was only getting worse. Nothing he did ever worked. His snug clothes became tighter and his stretchmarks angrier, and instead of being deterred from stocking up on packages of gummy worms from Delmar’s, he only felt inclined to buy more. Too much was starting not to be enough. He felt helpless and lost, and the only thing Peter felt capable of doing was eating.</p><p>Peter sighed in resignation before leaving the bathroom. Despite how he felt about himself, he was eager to get to the kitchen to find something to eat. <em>Feeding time for the pig</em>, he thought bitterly.</p><p>“Good morning,” May greeted.</p><p>Peter nodded in return. Mornings were never good. No matter how many times he had to get up, get dressed, and go to school, it never got easier. The prospect of having to face another day, knowing full well he was going to continue making the same poor choices he’d been making discouraged and exhausted him. Another day of mistakes and more of the same.</p><p>The feeling of dread came to him on weekdays and weekends alike, but schooldays were the worst. Walking up the stairs to the school left Peter breathless and sweaty. Rushing to classes made his clothes bunch up in weird places. Sitting in tiny, regulation desks made him feel like a literal elephant in the room—classes where he sat in the front were even worse because he felt like everyone was staring at his figure from behind. Seeing the masses of his thin classmates in the hallways just reminded him of his shortcomings. School was not ideal.</p><p>It wasn’t that he was bullied or ridiculed for his weight. It wasn’t like he had no friends—MJ, Ned, and the folks on the Decathlon team were fine. He wasn’t called tubby or fat, and nobody mooed at him. Once in a while, a stranger might give him a discouraging expression—something that communicated <em>you know carrying that much weight isn’t healthy, young man </em>without them actually speaking—but nothing explicit.</p><p>In a way, Peter felt worse because nobody made a big deal out of his weight. Couldn’t they see what he saw? Peter felt like maybe if someone said something, he would finally find the proper motivation to get fit. If someone just spoke up and told him he was a fat whale, maybe he could get in gear. He had heard of many people who had once been called chubby or hefty developing an eating disorder or becoming thin to show everyone that they were wrong. Peter wished he would develop an eating disorder—one of the good kinds that made him thin, not obese—so he could prove he wasn’t a useless slob, and that he had something more to offer.</p><p>But nothing like that ever happened, no one ever said anything, and nothing ever changed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Contemplation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter considers joining the gym.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter zeroed in on the pamphlet in the middle of the table. A pamphlet advertising a promotion that the gym a couple blocks from them was offering. May had probably grabbed one on her way to work the day before. Of course she walked to work, and of course she’d thought of him. Peter felt sick at the thought of some fit trainer handing May the pamphlet. Had she said “Oh no, it’s not for me. It’s for my nephew”? Or maybe the trainer hadn’t even offered her one, but May had taken it upon herself to get one. God forbid she had a fat nephew. Peter glared at the floor. Everything felt like an attack.</p><p>“How’d you sleep, babe?”</p><p>Peter glanced down at the pamphlet. It was right there. Was she going to pretend it wasn’t? <em>Iron Fitness. Such a typical name. I wonder what kind of juiced up bro thought of that one.</em></p><p>“Where’d you get that from?” Peter decided to beat her to the punch. Might as well save her from the difficulty of trying to find a nice way to bring it up.</p><p>“Oh,” May said in surprise. “I was thinking of getting into yoga. A couple of the girls at work do it. I wanted to go to their gym, but it’s a bit too out of the way.”</p><p>“Right,” Peter said, eyes narrowing in suspicion.</p><p>“We could always go together,” May suggested lightly.</p><p>“Yeah, like I could do yoga,” Peter scoffed. “I don’t think they make exercise clothes this big.”</p><p>May shrugged. “Everyone has to start somewhere.”</p><p>“Isn’t it expensive?”</p><p>“Probably,” May agreed. “There’s a promotion on right now since summer’s coming up. It’s as good of a time as any to try it out.”</p><p>May’s position on the subject of his weight made Peter feel guilty. He knew she wouldn’t care if he was bigger or smaller—all she wanted was for him to be happy. Peter wished he could be. He knew of lots of people that didn’t subscribe to typical beauty standards, and they were comfortable with themselves. He wished that could be him, but he just didn’t feel like it. Ned was bigger than him, and perfectly content—nothing made Peter more jealous. He hated that he felt that way because he knew he should be glad his friend was confident, but he just didn’t. All he could ever concentrate on was how unhappy he was.</p><p>“I’ll see you after school,” Peter grabbed his backpack and headed out. Whatever.</p><p> </p><p>All Peter could focus on while he walked to school was the rubbing fabric between his thighs, and the belt digging into his hips. The armpits of his t-shirt were already damp after five minutes, and it wasn’t even that hot out.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Peter,” Ned greeted brightly.</p><p>Peter clapped the boy on the shoulder. “Hey, buddy.”</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Ned wondered.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Peter didn't realize his mood was obvious.</p><p>“You seem down,” Ned explained. “Did something happen?”</p><p>Peter shrugged. “May’s hassling me about joining the gym.”</p><p>He felt guilty for even portraying it that way because May had only mentioned it once, and she wasn’t even being pushy about it. Really, Peter only felt hassled because he didn’t want to be <em>that person.</em> The person who could be better <em>if. </em>If he lost weight. If he just made a change. If he just tried. If he just cared. He didn’t want to be wasted potential and a point of concern for his friends or his aunt. Peter didn’t want to be the one that people worried about or the one they instantly thought about when it came to the subject of unhealthiness. He just wanted to be Peter.</p><p>“You don’t want to do it?” Ned asked.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter sighed. “I do, but…I mean, you know what it’s like. You go to a cramped gym. Everyone around you’s ripped or skinny at least, and I don’t know if I want to put myself out there like that.”</p><p>“Yeah, but that’s what gyms are for. People can’t judge you for trying.”</p><p>“Yes they can,” Peter scoffed. “I can’t even walk down the street without at least one person making a face.”</p><p>Ned shrugged. “Everyone makes faces at everyone. It’s not just you.”</p><p>“Still,” Peter defended.</p><p>“How much does it cost?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter admitted. “I think the flyer said 75 bucks for an hour lesson, but if you sign up for a membership you get a discount on lessons.”</p><p>“Maybe you should do it then,” Ned said lightly. “It can’t hurt to try.”</p><p>“You gonna do it with me?” Peter asked.</p><p>Ned laughed, “Nah. I’m not ready for that yet.”</p><p>“Dude.” Peter held up his hands. “Why are you making me go, then?”</p><p>“Because I can tell you want to.”</p><p>“How come you don’t?” Peter asked. “Like, I don’t mean it the way it sounds…don’t you just ever not like being…overweight?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I don’t really think about it,” Ned explained. “My weight doesn’t bother me.”</p><p>Peter glanced at Ned with envy. <em>What’s it like not feeling like shit everyday?</em></p><p>“Whatever man. It’s probably useless anyway. Exercising isn’t going to do anything for someone like me.”</p><p>“At least you can say you tried.” Ned shrugged. “And I’ll support you, Peter. Maybe you’ll even like it.”</p><p>
  <em>Doubt it. I bet I won’t last a week.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>---</p><p>
  
</p><p> “I’m so proud of you for doing this.” May looked at Peter earnestly. “I mean it.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Peter mumbled. It was difficult to concentrate on May’s words when his stomach was clenching with terror. He looked out the car window, eyeing the gym’s sign. The front windows of the gym were blacked out so he couldn’t see anyone behind the glass. He supposed that was comforting. He wouldn’t want to be seen when he started exercising.</p><p>“Hey, you’re going to be fine,” May soothed.</p><p>The only reason Peter had been considering this gym was because May had wanted a closer alternative for the yoga classes she wanted to take, and now she wasn’t even going to follow through after she’d roped him in. It figured. “We can be gym buddies,” she had said. But it turned out she was going to join the gym with her girlfriends anyway despite the distance, so it was just going to be him. He supposed he could’ve opted out and told May not to worry about getting him a membership, but he sort of wanted to do it. It felt empowering to have something that could just be his own—not shared with May or Ned—although he would never admit that to them.</p><p>Peter rubbed his fingers against his palms, cringing at how clammy they were. He’d probably bend over to pick up a dumbbell and drop it like an idiot. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing—he could go home and swear off exercise forever. He could tell everyone he’d tried, and then he’d never have to think of it again. Maybe he could even sue the gym and get a nice cash settlement.</p><p>“I’ll pick you up in an hour and a half. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay.” Peter nodded, exiting the car. He was tempted to say, “if I’m still alive.” Who knew if he could survive an hour of activity with a personal trainer? Gym class at school was hellish enough, and that was just unfocused horseplay.</p><p> </p><p>Peter wanted to throw up. From the outside, the gym didn’t look like anything special, but upon entering, Peter discovered that the gym was more like an activity centre than a studio with a few treadmills. Could May seriously afford this? Peter started to doubt that he was in the right place.</p><p>The sign mounted on the wall by the entrance indicated that there were several rooms in the building. The gym boasted a pool, a cardio room, a weight room, several miscellaneous studios, a yoga room, and a rock-climbing wall. There were even offices for each of the trainers. A huge bulletin board introduced the staff with pictures and biographies. He glanced at it only for a moment, looking away before he could become intimidated.</p><p>Peter approached the front desk with a sheepish smile. He was hyperaware of his double chin, so he tried to jut his face out to stretch out the skin. Ugh. One saving grace of the situation was the industrial fan spinning on the ceiling. Peter welcomed the cool breeze. He was already sweating, and he hadn’t even started exercising.</p><p>“Hey what’s up,” the guy behind the counter asked. He had brown hair tied up in a bun, and Peter could detect the slightest hints of an accent. Peter supposed the man was objectively attractive—he had a good physique and a nice smile—but none of that made a difference. Peter couldn’t let it. There was absolutely no point in someone like him finding people attractive. Who would want him back? Peter looked away from the man, briefly considering if he should just leave. May would never know the difference.</p><p>“Can I help you?” the man asked uncertainly.</p><p>“Uh,” Peter squeaked. “Hey, man. I’m Peter?” Damn. Now he was stuck.</p><p>The man nodded. “All right, well that’s a good start. I’m Bucky. Did you need to buy a membership? Are you waiting for someone?”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter practically gasped. “I signed up for lessons? Like, personal training lessons?”</p><p>“Oh.” Bucky grinned. “Sweet. We should already have your file then.”</p><p>Peter watched with a pained expression while Bucky typed away on the desktop. The guy was muscular as fuck, and Peter knew that even despite being fat, Bucky could easily throw him across the room.</p><p>It got even worse when Bucky stood up.</p><p>“You arm is awesome, dude,” Peter commented before he could even stop his mouth from opening. He hoped Bucky wouldn't think he was rude. The man's prosthetic arm looked badass, and he prayed Bucky took his words as a compliment.</p><p>Bucky smiled. “Thanks. Gets the job done.”</p><p>“Okay, follow me to the back. Your basic information is already in the system. You’re all paid up for a one-year membership with ten training lessons to start. You can always add more later, but this is fine for now. Before we pair you up with somebody, though, we need to take your measurements, get more detailed medical information, and talk about your goals.”</p><p>“Goals?” Peter asked. Everything coming out of Bucky’s mouth was flying right over his head.</p><p>“Yeah.” Bucky nodded, walking out from behind the desk. “Like how much weight you want to lose, how many pounds you want to lift, amount of distance you want to run. Things like that. Some people have weddings coming up. You know?”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter nodded, lumbering after Bucky. He was so tall and buff that Peter couldn’t really feel big next to him. It was kind of a relief. “Will I be paired up with you?” Peter asked hopefully.</p><p>“Maybe." Bucky shrugged. “It all depends,” he said with a grin.</p><p>“On what?” Peter asked. He looked around the gym curiously while trailing after his new acquaintance. His nerves returned when they passed the cardio area—the gym patrons were really going to town. He tried to picture himself on one of the machines and failed.</p><p>Peter didn’t feel any better passing the weight room. One woman was bench pressing a bar with four black weights on both sides—Peter didn’t even know how many pounds that was. Another man was doing squats with such focus that Peter’s own ass hurt in sympathy. Another man was holding the ends of two gigantic ropes, using his arms to lift and shake them. Peter hoped he didn’t have to do that—the rope looked thicker than his head.</p><p>“Some of us specialize,” Bucky explained. “I’m a general trainer, but I mostly like to focus on weight loss or post-injury programs. Steve does gains, and he also teaches classes. I don’t do classes. Then there’s Natasha, she does self defense classes, oh and then there’s Bruce who does yoga. He’s into a whole Zen thing. It’s wild. Thor, bodybuilding. Sam, marathon training,” Bucky listed. “Let’s see, who else is there? Uhh, Neb does kickboxing and martial arts…Wanda does dance. Do you like dance?”</p><p>“No,” Peter chuckled. “I’m not exactly graceful.” Peter was stuck on Bucky saying gains. <em>Who in the fuck would want to gain anything? Is that the same as bodybuilding? Why didn’t Bucky just say that? </em>Peter had so many questions, but he didn’t want to look stupid and ask.</p><p>“That’s cool,” Bucky laughed. “But yeah, I don’t expect you to remember everyone. I’m sure whatever your goals are, we can find someone to take you on. It’s all listed in the front area on the bulletin board anyway. You can check it out after.”</p><p>Yeah. Peter was definitely going to investigate the staff. He needed to know who he was dealing with.</p><p> </p><p>Peter tugged at his shirt and jogging pants while Bucky rooted around in the desk. He could still feel the crispness of the material—he and May had gone shopping for them after she’d signed him up over the phone. 2XL on his 5’7 frame was not a good look. He completely filled out the shirt, but the pants were a bit loose. The looseness was good, but they were also way too long since they came from Big and Tall and he only met one of the two criteria. He bet that after a wash the material would be comfortable at least.</p><p>“Here we go.” Bucky held up a thin binder and a notebook.</p><p>All Peter could focus on was the scale behind Bucky.</p><p>“Okay, let’s get your measurements over with.” Bucky smiled. “It’ll only take a quick second, so don’t be nervous.”</p><p>Peter gulped, knowing he wouldn’t physically die from the embarrassment but that he was about to take a pretty strong hit in the self-esteem. He eyed the tape in Bucky’s hands like it was a noose. Peter would have no choice but to die if he was paired with Bucky after what the poor guy was about to witness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Introduction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tony and Peter meet.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony had to admit that the Forest Hills location of Iron Fitness in Queens was his favourite out of all the gyms he owned. The staff was qualified and friendly, morale was always high, and most of the patrons were long-time regulars, and that meant they treated the equipment with respect. Profits were high and cost was low since repairs were rarely needed. As far as all of Tony’s real estate ventures went, this place practically ran itself.</p><p>He liked to pop into each location at least once every month or so to show his face, talk with customers personally, and touch base with the staff. Keeping his staff happy was important to Tony because if he couldn’t count on them to keep his and his company’s interests at heart, everything he had built could come crashing down.</p><p>Tony had finished everything on his checklist aside from speaking with customers—there were a couple classes that he wasn’t interested in interrupting underway, and everyone else accessible to him was in the zone or had headphones in. Perfectly fine by Tony—it meant that the gym was serving its purpose and the customers were happy. More zeroes for his bottom line.</p><p>There was nothing left to be done, so he figured it was time to move on to the rest of the tour. All he had to do was say bye to the staff, and he would be on his way.</p><p>Tony found the three trainers currently working on the floor to let them know he was going, and then he went to the bathroom so his drive would be more comfortable. He headed to the front doors, preparing to sling some witty comment at Bucky before he departed, but the man was no longer at the desk. Tony looked around with raised eyebrows and then he looked down at his watch. He had to get going if he wanted to visit his other gyms in the area before closing time.</p><p>“You work here?”</p><p>Tony turned around to see who was speaking to him. “Can I help you?”</p><p>Tony hated getting cornered by rogue customers and having to answer questions. He only liked asking them. He hadn’t worked customer service for twenty years, and he wasn’t looking to get back into the field. It was why he had quit being a personal trainer early on and why he now employed them instead. Working with the public directly wasn’t for him</p><p>“Name’s Frank. I’m looking to sign up for a membership, or am I in the wrong place?” The guy challenged.</p><p>Tony sighed, “I was just on my way out. Let me grab someone to help you.”</p><p>Frank nodded.</p><p>Tony headed back to the offices—Bucky would most likely be in one of them. He hoped to God the guy would be alone and not necking with Steve like he had caught them doing before. Favourite employee or not, Tony wasn’t afraid to write him up. Well, he wasn’t afraid to bitch at the manager, Carol, and have her write Bucky up.</p><p>He heard Bucky’s voice before he actually saw him.</p><p>
  <em>“…only take a quick second, so don’t be nervous.”</em>
</p><p>Interesting.</p><p>“Knock, knock.” Tony stood in the doorway, not actually sure of what he was walking in on.</p><p><em>Oh, who’s this?</em> Tony thought, eyes zeroing in on the teenager sitting in front of Bucky. The poor thing looked like he was about to be shot. <em>Gosh </em>he was cute. Chubby cheeks and a healthy blush, and was that an AC/DC shirt he was wearing? Tony was intrigued. His first thought was that the kid was there to interview for the receptionist position, but someone from Human Resources would have told him about that, surely—they felt the need to harangue him about everything. Nobody said anything so he pushed along.</p><p>“Sorry to interrupt.” He held up his hands. “I’m Tony.”</p><p>Tony immediately extended a hand for the kid to shake. Maybe he could make him feel at ease with some old-fashioned hospitality. Tony could swear that the boy flinched when he offered his hand, but he gathered himself and returned the gesture. <em>Soft hands.</em></p><p>Once again, nobody said anything, so it was up to Tony. <em>Really, Bucky, no back up? Geez.</em></p><p>“What’s your name?”</p><p> “I’m Peter.”</p><p>“Interesting.” Tony grinned, crossing his arms and leaning on the doorframe. “You just sign up?” Tony figured the boy was in jogging pants to work out and not to work.</p><p>“Y-yeah.” Peter nodded lamely. “My aunt bought me a membership and a few lessons, so I’m super new.”</p><p>“Did you need something?” Bucky pressed. “I’m trying to get him started.”</p><p>“A guy named Frank wants a membership,” Tony explained. “He cornered me like a rat at the desk…which you’re supposed to be manning by the way?”</p><p>One of the full-time receptionists had just been transferred which meant the trainers were stepping in while the search for a replacement continued. Tony didn’t like the idea of staff members having to cover jobs that weren’t theirs. It felt unprofessional.</p><p>“I was, but I needed to get Pete here set up,” Bucky said. “I can’t be in two places at once.”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, James. You go help the disgruntled meathead, and I’ll get Peter set up.”</p><p>“No!” Peter blurted. “I mean,” Peter sputtered. “I didn’t mean—. No. It’s fine. You just seemed busy, or something.” He looked at Tony sheepishly, gesturing to the folders he was carrying.</p><p>Tony smirked. He had come to Queens for a routine visit and to take care of paperwork that Pepper was pestering him about. He hadn’t yet had the chance to talk with customers to make sure all their needs were being met. Getting Peter started and welcoming him to the Iron Fitness family was practically on his To-Do list, and he would be giving Bucky a break. It was a win-win-win.</p><p>“Yeah,” Bucky recovered. “I thought you were leaving? You said you had—"</p><p>“Scoot.” Tony pushed Bucky out of the way. “The kid has spoken. I’m not busy, so I’ll do it.” Bucky was seriously the worst backup ever. Couldn’t he go with the flow? Couldn’t he see that Tony wanted a chance to talk to the cutie in their presence?</p><p>“Whatever, man,” Bucky laughed. “If you need rescuing, just call for me.” Bucky patted Peter on the shoulder. “He can be a bit much.”</p><p>“Thanks for the compliment,” Tony said without looking in the man’s direction.</p><p>“Insubordination,” he muttered to himself.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Peter had thought Bucky was something to look at, but Tony was a 10.</p><p>He had returned the man’s handshake gently, not wanting the man to feel how sweaty and nervous he was. Peter hadn’t heard Bucky mention a Tony when he was listing personal trainer options. Who was he and what were his specialities? Peter wasn’t so worried about teaming up with Bucky anymore—failing in front of him wouldn’t be nearly as bad as making a fool of himself in front of Tony.</p><p>He had barely registered anything about the conversation until Tony offered to get him set up instead of Bucky.</p><p>“No!” There was no way he could stomach Tony seeing his weight or hearing about his goals. What 17-year-old had to say “lose 100 pounds” for a fitness goal. It was shameful.</p><p>Bucky and Tony had both looked at him in surprise, and Peter had regretted speaking. He had gone from saying nothing and stuttering responses to being insulting.</p><p>Tony had only smirked while Peter explained what he’d meant, gesturing lamely to the folders. His first visit to the gym had already proven to be too much—not physically like he’d anticipated, but socially.</p><p>Tony muttered something else under his breath that Peter couldn’t make out while Bucky left the room, and Peter had no choice but to face Tony alone—something that made him more nervous than anything.</p><p> </p><p>“So, how we doin’?” Tony asked once Bucky had gone.</p><p>“Fine,” Peter managed. “How are you?”</p><p>“Great,” Tony replied.</p><p>Peter shifted in his seat.</p><p>“You were looking at that measuring tape like Bucky was about to strangle you with it,” Tony commented. “Thank God I intervened.”</p><p>Peter folded his hands together. “Well, I—”</p><p>“Bucky’s lovely, but he lacks a delicate touch,” Tony explained. “I wouldn’t let a stranger measure me either. That’s second, or hell, even third date territory.”</p><p>Peter nodded. He wouldn’t have known what constituted first date territory, let alone second.</p><p>The way Tony responded to him made Peter realize he had said that joke out loud.</p><p>“Don’t worry about dates,” Tony said. “This is about you and what you want for yourself. Literally nobody else’s opinion on your body matters.”</p><p>Peter looked away.</p><p>“Anyways, let’s leave the measuring for last then.” Tony smiled. “We’ll fill out the easy stuff first.”</p><p>“Okay.” Peter nodded. He opened the binder that Bucky had given him. There were all sorts of sheets to be filled out. Short term goals. Long term goals. Body measurements. There were some plastic photo sleeves, as well. Peter cringed. He had to admit that the gym seemed thorough and professional, but it reminded him of gym class at school—why all the superfluous paperwork? Undoubtedly, the plastic sleeves were for before and after pictures. Great. Peter didn’t even want to think about that.</p><p>“You’re a senior judging by your birthday,” Tony began. He had put glasses on to read Peter’s information, and Peter had to admit they made him look fresh. “Do you have mandatory phys-ed at your school?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Peter nodded. “We do like half an hour a day by the time everyone gets changed.”</p><p>“Do you do any other physical activity aside from that?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter picked at his nails. He took in Tony’s seated figure. The man was dressed in a black tracksuit with interlaced G’s all across it. He wasn’t as tall or as muscular as Bucky, but the way his chest and arms filled out the jacket made it obvious that he was fit. Peter felt inadequate in every way. Not only was the man physically fit, but his face was devilishly beautiful.</p><p>If Peter hadn’t noticed the creases around Tony’s dark brown eyes, he might’ve pegged him for 30, but he adjusted his guess to 40. Peter couldn’t remember the last time he’d let himself focus so much on another person’s appearance.</p><p>“Anything?” Tony prompted.</p><p>“Does walking to school count?”</p><p>“Sure,” Tony agreed. “What’s your favourite thing to do in gym class?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Peter admitted. He wanted to cooperate with Tony and level with him in some way, but it was so difficult to make his mouth say the words. What could he and Tony have in common? What would Tony ever understand about how much he loved and hated food, and how much he just wanted to sit at home instead of exercise? How could he make Tony get it without painting himself a slob?</p><p>Tony laughed. “Fair enough.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter sighed. “I don’t want to seem lazy, and obviously you can’t relate because you’re not…like me, but I just don’t like exercise. I don’t want to stop eating chips, and chocolate. I want to lose weight, and I know how, obviously. Diet and exercise. I just don’t know <em>how</em>. You know?” <em>He might as well hear the truth now.</em></p><p>It was no secret that he didn’t like dieting, anyway. Anyone with eyes could see. If Tony knew everything, and it was all on the table, maybe it would be helpful to the process.</p><p>Peter waited for Tony to tell him that he was in the wrong place. Maybe he’d get annoyed and send for Bucky or realize that he’d made a mistake taking Peter on.</p><p>“I get it, kid.” Tony frowned. “It’s not easy to make drastic changes. You know, sugar affects the brain the same way cocaine does? You can actually be addicted to sugar?”</p><p>Peter shook his head. “I didn’t know that.”</p><p>“When you’re addicted to drugs, you can quit. Cold turkey. Never take another drug again in your life. What are you supposed to do when you’re addicted to food? Never eat again?”</p><p>Peter bit his lip. “I don’t know.” Was he a food addict? That seemed so extreme.</p><p>“I don’t know either,” Tony laughed. “But we can work together and try to figure it out. Nobody’s telling you that you have to love exercise or eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You can make little changes over a long period of time and sustain those changes. Eventually you might get to a place where you’re prepared to do a little more.”</p><p>“I’m just nervous,” Peter admitted. “What if this doesn’t make a difference? What if it’s a waste of time?”</p><p>Tony licked his lips while he considered Peter’s words. “Sometimes that happens. People think that signing up and forking over a few hundred bucks will make them thin, and other people stay fit without setting foot in a gym. It all depends on mentality. As long as you don’t have any underlying medical issues, if you put in the effort, you will see results.”</p><p>“All right,” Peter agreed.</p><p>“All right.” Tony repeated. “What’s a typical day look like for you? What are you eating?”</p><p>Peter grimaced.</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows, “Nobody’s going to shoot you for saying hot pockets and Sunny-D. Lay it on me.”</p><p>“Uh, cereal?” Peter listed.</p><p>“What kind?”</p><p>“Lucky Charms.”</p><p>“Delicious.” Tony smiled. “Do you eat all the cereal first and leave the marshmallows for last?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Peter allowed himself to smile back once he determined that Tony wasn’t making fun of him.</p><p>Tony nodded in approval.</p><p>“For lunch at school it usually depends. I drink chocolate milk or Coke, and usually there’s some sort of meal that involves cheese and carbs. Pizza. Fries. Nachos. I bring pudding or granola bars from home. Sometimes desserts like brownies.”</p><p>Tony nodded.</p><p>“For dinner, I go out with my aunt for Thai a lot, or we order pizza. Or she makes spaghetti.”</p><p>“Snacks?”</p><p>“Hot pockets like you said. Chips, candy, chocolate bars, stuff like that.” Peter ducked his head. “Mostly anything.”</p><p>“Okay,” Tony said. “Is your aunt thin? Other family? Friends? Significant other?”</p><p>“My aunt’s thin,” Peter said. “Basically with no effort, either. My best friend Ned is a little bigger than me, but not by much. My friend Michelle is really skinny. Other than that, I don’t really spend a lot of time with anyone else.”</p><p>Tony’s eyes flickered to Peter’s before he wrote the information in his binder.</p><p>“When you eat with other people, do you ever finish food on their plate?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Peter scratched his head. “Always.”</p><p>“When you eat snacks, do you usually finish the whole box, or eat a little at a time? Do you feel like you could stop if you got full?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I guess it depends on the snack.”</p><p>“All right,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter allowed himself to settle into the chair. Tony’s questions were quick and simple. Peter found it easy to be honest with Tony because he didn’t make any answer seem wrong. He was just trying to get to know Peter so that he could help him. Peter knew that Tony was being paid to do it, but it still felt nice to be listened to by someone who wasn’t close to him. Talking to May wasn’t an option because she had no idea about food addiction or cravings or eating disorders and talking to Ned just led to more bingeing. Peter wasn’t blaming anyone; in the end it was him who put the food in his own mouth, but still, having an objective third party to discuss things with was nice.</p><p>“If you had one goal or one idea of success, what would it be?” Tony asked. “Fitting into an old pair of pants? Being able to lift a certain amount? Run for an hour…”</p><p>Peter already knew without a doubt what his goal was. “I want to be under 200 pounds. No more gut or back fat,” Peter said seriously. “Nothing <em>extra.</em> I just want…I just want to be me.”</p><p>Peter waited for Tony to criticize him, to say it was an unrealistic goal.</p><p>Tony only nodded. “I can deal with that.” He filled out the sheet in Peter’s binder that outlined goals and milestones. “I’m glad you mentioned more than just a goal weight because depending on height and muscle mass, 200 pounds could look very different on two different people.”</p><p>Peter figured that was fair enough. He didn’t care if he weighed 1000 pounds on the scale as long as he could have a flat stomach and thighs that didn’t rub together.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s get your measurements then,” Tony said suddenly after recording Peter’s answers to all of the questions he’d asked. “If you’re ready.”</p><p>“Wait, that’s it?” Peter scrunched his face.</p><p>“You’re just starting out, Peter. There’s not much to it.”</p><p>“Ugh.” Peter cringed. “Do you really have to weigh me?”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “I’ve trained people over 400 pounds. I don’t think you’re going to faze me.”</p><p>“You might be surprised.”</p><p>“Just get on the scale,” Tony laughed. “The longer you stall, the higher I’m making your intensity when we get started.”</p><p>“Wait, I thought…Bucky said I’d have to be matched with someone. You’re actually going to be working with me?” Peter panicked. “I thought we were just doing paperwork.” Tony was actually going to be training him? <em>Oh God. I can’t do this.</em></p><p>Tony shook his head. “Sorry to disappoint you kid, it will most likely be Bucky you’re stuck with.”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter couldn’t suppress his relief. “Good.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. Peter knew it sounded rude—like he didn’t want Tony to train him because of something that was Tony’s fault—but he couldn’t properly express that it had nothing to do with Tony. It was all Peter. Peter was more intimidated by Tony than Bucky, so it only made sense that Bucky would train him.</p><p>“Not that you wouldn’t be a great—an excellent—trainer,” Peter managed. “You said you were getting me started. I didn’t think you were actually a trainer because Bucky never said your name when he listed all the people, so I wasn’t expecting—. I would be perfectly okay with you being my trainer over Bucky.”</p><p>“Don’t do me any favours, kid.” Tony said coolly.</p><p>“I…you’re just so…I look smaller next to Bucky. That’s all. I don’t think I could keep any dignity if you were my trainer.”</p><p>“That’s what you’re worried about?” Tony became amused. Peter felt himself relax when Tony grinned at him. That smile was sure something.</p><p>“I don’t know.” Peter smiled. “Never mind.”</p><p>Tony laughed, the skin around his eyes crinkling. “Well, we’ll finish out the night since Bucky is busy with Frank or whoever, and then that will be the end of it. We’ll go our separate ways.”</p><p>“Deal,” Peter giggled. He held out his arm and touched each of Tony’s shoulders as if he were knighting him. “I declare you my temporary trainer.”</p><p>“Lucky me,” Tony said while he bowed.</p><p>Peter cringed at his own exuberance and retracted his arm quickly. Someone like Tony didn’t want Peter touching him. <em>What the hell was I thinking? Get a hold of yourself, Peter.</em></p><p>Peter took a deep breath before stepping onto the scale.</p><p>“240,” Tony mused.</p><p><em>Disgusting</em>. Over 200 pounds? He obviously knew that much, or he wouldn’t have made his goal to be under 200, but <em>240</em>? That was on his way to 300.</p><p>“Hey, relax,” Tony said. “It’s just a number. We’re cool.”</p><p>Peter wasn’t so sure, but he allowed Tony’s words to calm him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That was Frank Castle, The Punisher btw. (I love him)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Initiation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter has his first workout.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter fidgeted as he followed Tony to the cardio area. He was in the belly of the beast now; almost every treadmill, bike, elliptical, and stair machine was occupied, and Peter remarked that none of the other gym patrons had a trainer. Maybe he should’ve just joined the gym without the personal lessons—how hard could it really be to use the treadmill?</p><p>Peter promised himself if he could get through this, he could have whatever he wanted for a snack later. He vowed to any god listening that if they got him through this workout, he’d never complain about his weight again. <em>Just please please please don’t let me pass out.</em></p><p>Everything became real as he confronted the elliptical.</p><p>“I’m going to be delicate with you since it’s your first time,” Tony assured Peter with a clap on the shoulder.</p><p>Peter was momentarily distracted from the impending doom when Tony touched him. How was the man not revolted? How squishy had his flesh felt? Peter grimaced. If Tony touched him willingly, maybe he hadn’t been bothered by the mock-knighting ceremony they’d just gone through in the office. That relieved Peter—minutely.</p><p>“Second thoughts, kid?” Tony twisted his lips to one side.</p><p>Peter wished Tony hadn’t said that. The temptation to quit before it could get worse was close to overpowering him.</p><p>“You know, if I lose you this fast in the session, Barnes over there will never let me forget it,” Tony said. “He’ll think I scared you off with my personality.”</p><p>Peter looked over to the front desk where Bucky was lounging. <em>His last name must be Barnes, </em>Peter thought lamely.</p><p>“I’m already on thin ice here,” Tony confided in Peter. “I can’t lose another client.”</p><p>“You don’t have to mock me.” Peter rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid.”</p><p>“Who’s mocking you?” Tony winked. “I have a knack for losing clients, ask anyone.”</p><p>“Are you serious?” Peter asked apprehensively. “Why?”</p><p>“Okay fine, I’m kidding,” Tony sighed. “I’m just trying to be encouraging. What can I say? Maybe if you won’t do it for yourself, you’d do it for me.”</p><p>“I knew it!” Peter replied. He paused before continuing. “You know, you don’t have to make stuff up…I’ll do it. Okay? I just needed a second.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “I won’t do it again.”</p><p>“Okay, so what are we looking at here? An hour?”</p><p>Tony pushed some buttons on the machine. “That should do it.”</p><p>The jarring beeping noise that the buttons made reminded Peter of the countdown until a bomb detonation.</p><p>“Fifteen minutes at your own pace,” Tony explained. “If you need to slow down to a crawl, or if you feel like you have the energy to really give ‘er, go for it. Just do what you can do.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed. That sounded fair.  Fifteen minutes. One minute fifteen times. Five minutes three times. No big deal. You could do anything for a minute.</p><p>“Get going. I’ll grab you a bottle of water,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter was glad that the man was going away for a second.  He had a suspicion that Tony knew he needed a minute alone to prepare himself, and he was grateful that the man understood.</p><p> </p><p>Tony came back with two waters right when the timer on Peter’s machine reached 9:59.</p><p>“Ten more minutes,” Tony announced in excitement. “You’re doing great, kid.”</p><p>Peter was in hell. He didn’t think he could even answer Tony without passing out from oxygen deprivation. Or at least that’s what it felt like. He was going slowly, too, but his chest felt tight, and he could taste blood in his throat. Could you get internal bleeding from being fat? The worst of it was the fire on his face and the flood of sweat. Everywhere. In his socks. Behind his knees. In his ass crack. Down his back. Under the armpits. Even his scalp was sweating. Peter knew he probably looked like a tomato. Even worse was that he had to disgrace himself like this in front of Tony. Peter took back all of the promises and pleas he’d made to the gods before starting the workout. This was the devil’s work. Torture. Not only was he in physical pain, but his ego was in ruins.</p><p>Peter barely heard Tony announce the five-minute mark. It didn’t matter anyway because he’d been staring at the timer since Tony had set it. He knew exactly how much time was left.</p><p>“Slow down,” Tony suggested. “Take a sip of water.” He held it up to Peter’s mouth while the boy continued moving.</p><p>“Hamster…on…a…wheel,” Peter panted.</p><p>Tony laughed. “What does that make me? One of those upside-down drippy water bottles?”</p><p>Peter nodded without looking at Tony. He didn’t say that he was the drippy one. He could feel the sweat pooling on his skin. They were going to have to throw the whole elliptical out when he was done with it. The thought made him smile.</p><p>When Peter was done, he could hardly believe it. Fifteen minutes before, the task had seemed insurmountable, but now it was just…done. He’d exercised. For a quarter of an hour. Holy shit. His toes felt a little numb from where they’d been jammed into the footholds of the elliptical, and his legs felt like jelly, and he was damp, but he’d still done it.</p><p>“Awesome." Tony shook his head. “You made it the whole time without stopping. You are blowing my mind right now.”</p><p>Peter nodded dumbly and grabbed the water bottle from Tony’s outstretched hand.</p><p>“What now?” Peter asked, half scared for the answer.</p><p>“I’ll give you a tour of the weight room,” Tony replied. “Demonstrate each machine for you. You can do one set of ten reps on each one just to get the feel, then we’ll cool down on the treadmill with a walk, and then you get your homework assignment.”</p><p>That all sounded strangely doable. Peter didn’t feel the need to dread any of it. He didn’t let himself get too excited, though. He knew as soon as the high of this evening was over that he’d fill the void with a snack. That’s what always happened after he’d succeeded at something—he rewarded himself with food.</p><p> </p><p>Peter was hyperaware of how sweaty he was when he jammed himself into the first weight machine.</p><p>“This is the bicep curl.” Tony gestured to the printed instructions. “It’s straight forward.”</p><p>The sections for arms, legs, back, and abs were all in separate corners of the weight room. These machines weren’t as crowded. Peter got the feeling that only beginners really used the machines, and more advanced exercisers used the free weights and the benches parked directly in front of floor-to-ceiling mirrors.</p><p>Peter wondered if he’d ever get there. If he’d ever achieve the ridiculous level of fitness that allowed you to squat deep with a resistance band around your ankles and a medicine ball between your thighs and a barbell resting on your shoulders, and then jump onto a wooden box to finish the rep off.</p><p>“What are you thinking?” Tony smirked.</p><p>Peter’s eyes flashed to Tony. Shit. He’d forgotten how many arm curls he’d done—on the lowest weight.</p><p>“It’s stupid.” Peter shook his head.</p><p>“You were smiling,” Tony insisted.</p><p>“I was just wondering how long it would take me to be one of those intense fitness junkies. Like the ones who have all the gear on while they jump on and off of boxes while squatting and holding a medicine ball.”</p><p>Tony grinned. “Well I hope you never do. I don’t care how fit someone is. That shit is so bad for the knees.”</p><p>Peter tilted his head at the man in surprise. “Well what do you do when you’re not cheerleading people for lifting five pounds?”</p><p>“All sorts of stuff,” Tony explained. Before he could give more of an answer, Peter got off the machine, figuring he’d reached the goal of ten reps.</p><p>“Oh, done already. I wasn’t counting,” Tony admitted.</p><p>Before Peter could go to the spray bottle and paper towel station mounted on the wall, Tony had already fetched the supplies.</p><p>Peter watched Tony wipe off the machine for him with a barely contained grimace.</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “Now what are you thinking? You look absolutely disgusted.”</p><p>Peter’s stomach dropped. For a second he’d thought that Tony was about to say, “you look absolutely disgusting”. His cheeks flushed even more at the prospect of being so thoroughly insulted by someone so good looking. Once his brain caught up with his ears, he felt indignant at the thought of Tony insulting him—especially since May was paying the man to be here and support him. Peter realized that even if Tony had insulted him it would’ve pissed him off before hurting his feelings. He was trying his best here.</p><p>“Okay.” Tony held up his hands. “Don’t tell me. God, kid, your brain must always be working. Your face changes with your thoughts every five seconds. Someone less smart than me would be struggling to keep up,” Tony teased.</p><p>“Sorry.” Peter shook his head. “This…I know it’s nothing to you. But it’s a lot for me. I get kind of stuck in my head when I’m trying to get through something. I keep seeing myself in the mirrors, and it’s…yeah. Whatever.”</p><p>Tony nodded in understanding.</p><p>“Thanks for, uhm, wiping the machine,” Peter offered. “You didn’t have to do that.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Like you said. You’re doing all the work, and I’m cheering from the sidelines. Least I could do.”</p><p> </p><p>“So yeah,” Tony continued seemingly out of nowhere while Peter was on the last machine of the night. “I jog mostly. I’m into martial arts and yoga type stuff, too. Sometimes boxing.”</p><p>“Not so much the weights and the squatting, then?” Peter joked. He knew the end was near, so his mood was improving with every passing second.</p><p>“I did all my squatting in the nineties,” Tony said. “How do you think I got this luscious ass?”</p><p>Peter tried not to show any emotion when Tony turned around to show him what he meant. Like Peter needed to see it again—he’d already noticed the guy’s ass within five seconds of meeting him.</p><p>“Fair enough,” Peter offered casually. He purposely didn’t make eye contact with Tony for a few minutes.</p><p>“All right, buddy. Let’s get going to the treadmill and cool you down.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter lumbered onto the treadmill, tempted to skip the cool-down. He’d barely done anything that merited a proper cool off. His reluctance faded when he realized Tony was on the treadmill beside him.</p><p>“You’re gonna walk with me?” Peter asked.</p><p>“I think you’ve earned it,” Tony joked.</p><p>Peter sort of wanted to make conversation with the man as they walked, but he didn’t know what to say. What kind of common ground would he have with a 40-year-old? What could he possibly say that would keep Tony’s interest?</p><p> “So my aunt paid for a year membership and ten lessons,” Peter began.</p><p>“Right,” Tony agreed.</p><p>“Well, I didn’t realize until I got here that this gym was so…high class. Like, there’s so much selection, and so many different trainers. I’m not really familiar with costs, but it doesn’t seem right that I could afford a year here.” After Peter finished speaking, he noted that he hadn’t even asked a question, and besides fat, now Tony had him pegged for broke.</p><p>“The facilities are quite highbrow, aren’t they?” Tony joked.</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“We’re running a promotion right now,” Tony explained. “And you qualify for a student discount. Oh, and a first-timer discount.”</p><p>“That’s a lot of discounts. That definitely explains it.”</p><p>“Plus, the owner is really adamant about making the gym accessible to all demographics. I mean, your membership is good for everything we did, plus the pool. Then there are memberships available that get progressively more expensive. They include multiple personal training sessions, access to the rock wall, access to gym retreats, and access to specialty classes.”</p><p>“Cool,” Peter admitted. “That’s actually really decent of the owner to let different people have different things so you’re not stuck paying top dollar for features you might not even use.”</p><p>Tony smiled and put a hand over his heart. “He’s a swell guy.”</p><p>Peter returned the smile, wondering if he should say anything else.</p><p>Tony solved the problem when he spoke again a few minutes later. “Did you bring a change of clothes?”</p><p> “Yeah. Why?” Peter looked over at Tony, who he noted was barely breaking a sweat.</p><p> “Okay, go ahead and shower and change, then meet me in the office. We’ll go over your assignment.”</p><p>“Oh, okay,” Peter responded coolly. Inside he was elated. <em>Thank God, a shower</em>. He couldn’t imagine sitting in an enclosed space with Tony when he was sweating this much. He could maintain some shred of dignity if he at least knew he didn’t reek to high heaven when he was getting assigned fitness homework.</p><p> </p><p>Peter made his way to the locker room as quickly as his tired legs would carry him. He was glad he’d decided to pack a gym bag with a change of clothes and a stick of deodorant. Initially, he figured he’d just shower at home. What had convinced him was the realization that he was going to be sitting in his own sweat for the car ride which would be not only uncomfortable, but unsanitary. He’d already had enough problems with acne from being an overweight teenager, and he wasn’t about to let his body have an excuse to produce more of it. That would be just his luck—start exercising to lose weight and get healthy but develop acne and some sort of sweat rash. Maybe athlete’s foot or warts form the shower.</p><p>Peter was grateful that the locker room wasn’t overly crowded by the time he got to it. His lesson had begun at 5:30, and it was now 6:30, so people were at home eating dinner. He grabbed his bag and went into the largest bathroom stall available, so he could shed his sweaty clothing and wrap a towel around him. It was his go-to towel because it was huge—a beach towel with the periodic table on it. It covered everything that needed to be covered. He opened the door and peered out into the rest of the locker to room to see if the coast was clear. He booked it to the showers, making sure the curtain was fully closed before taking off the towel and hanging it on the hook just outside the stall.</p><p>He didn’t have shampoo, conditioner, or soap, so he just took a thorough rinse-off shower, paying special attention to any folds or crevices, and of course the armpits. If there was one thing he was grateful for, it was the lack of body hair he had. It made hygiene much more convenient.</p><p>The water in the shower couldn’t get quite as hot as he liked it normally, but ‘almost-hot’ was good enough for his purpose here. Peter spread his thighs and angled his body under the water so the stream would reach everywhere it needed to. The temptation to jack off in the shower presented itself while he washed his dick.</p><p>In the end, Peter let himself think about it, but he didn’t act on his urge. He wanted to finish the shower quickly and return to Tony. It was best not to keep the man waiting, plus he wasn’t in the best headspace for getting off—he usually wasn’t since he often felt the exact opposite of sexy, and it was difficult to let a fantasy run through his mind when he found it too unbelievable.</p><p> </p><p>Putting on jeans after a shower was difficult and uncomfortable, so Peter took his time towelling off before attempting it. Next was his deodorant. He made sure to be generous with it. When it was as good as it was going to get, he grabbed his bag and headed to the office.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Deliberation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter gets to decide whether Tony continues his training or if Bucky will take over.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony returned to the office once Peter had fled to the locker room to shower. He glanced at his watch. <em>God. So late.</em> <em>What are you thinking with this?</em></p><p>“What the hell was that?”</p><p>Tony looked up from the desk to see Bucky standing in the doorway. The man entered the room and grabbed a chair.</p><p>“That’s no way to talk to your superior, Mr. Barnes.” Tony feigned being defensive, even though Bucky was echoing his own thoughts.</p><p>“You’re a trainer now, apparently. We’re equal, does that mean you’re taking a pay cut, or am I getting a raise?”</p><p>“Christ,” Tony snapped without any real animosity. “What’s it to you?”</p><p>“You’re poaching my clients. That’s personal.” Bucky smirked.</p><p>Tony could tell that Bucky was just teasing, but it still irritated him—because Bucky was right; what he was doing was ridiculous.</p><p>“Seriously, though,” Bucky continued. “Why are you doing this? Peter seems like a nice kid. I wouldn’t have minded training him.”</p><p>“Who said you’re not?” Tony retorted.</p><p>Bucky looked at him pointedly.</p><p>Tony continued, “I gave him the grand tour and filled out some paperwork. I never said anything about training him permanently, and if you recall, I only got him set up so you could help another customer. I did you a favour.”</p><p>Bucky snorted. “You walked with him during his cool-down and held a water bottle up to his mouth while he was on the elliptical. What do you call that?”</p><p>“Customer satisfaction. Making the gym look good. Keeping you employed.”</p><p>Bucky shook his head. “You barely like talking to customers. This was different."</p><p>Tony didn't know what to say to that. He liked the kid. So what? He had been a trainer once upon a time, and he was more than qualified to help Peter. So what if he had tons of other work piling up and this one session had put him behind a few hours?</p><p>"Just when I think I got you figured out," Bucky persisted. "You’re supposed to be the boss, not a personal trainer. What is it about the kid? Why even bother?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Tony admitted. “Something about him. He’s so timid and self-conscious—he was practically shaking when you were about to take measurements…”</p><p>Bucky nodded understandingly. "True."</p><p>"Maybe you're right," Tony said. "Maybe I shouldn't interfere."</p><p>"I only asked why you wanted to interfere. I didn't say you wouldn't be good for him."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>Bucky shrugged. "I had nothing else to do after I got Frank set up, so I might've seen a few things."</p><p>"Oh yeah? Is this your way of telling me you were staring at my ass?" Tony teased.</p><p>Bucky rolled his eyes.</p><p>“I just wanted to get him started, right hand to God,” Tony explained. “Maybe get to know him a bit. I didn't expect this."</p><p>Tony was thoughtful while he weighed the pros and cons. He knew Pepper would be on him for messing up his schedule, and everyone who worked at this location of the gym would question his decision like Bucky had—it wasn't everyday that the owner and CEO of a company decided to work in the trenches. Peter didn't know that part of it, either—although he had guessed at it which Tony found perceptive of him—and Tony didn't want him to know that if they were going to continue working together.</p><p>Peter had taken one look at the folders in Tony's hands and deemed him too busy to help. Also, he’d made a big deal over having his machine wiped for him.  It was obvious to Tony that Peter couldn't handle the idea of wasting anyone's time or having nice things done for him. Tony knew if Peter found out he wasn't technically a trainer but the owner of the gym and several others like it, there would be no way that he'd take that lightly. Peter would refuse the help.</p><p>"When he comes back, I’ll offer to hand him off to you for the rest of his lessons," Tony decided. "I'll give him a choice, but if he chooses me. I'm doing it." He was sure that Bucky and Peter would get along fine, and maybe even become friends, but Tony could feel it. Feel that he could do better. He couldn't explain it, but he knew he would be able to help Peter more. Still, even if that was the case, it wasn't his place to manipulate the situation to make himself Peter's trainer. Peter would have to decide.</p><p>Bucky huffed. “He must be a hell of a charmer if he shouted ‘no’ at you when you offered to help, and then you still helped him. Or you’re just stubborn.”</p><p>Tony smiled. The look of sheer panic on the kid’s face had been simultaneously heartbreaking and adorable.  Initially, Tony had been offended that his favour was being thrown back in his face, but then Peter had said he only wanted Bucky because he looked smaller next to him. That had convinced Tony. Curing Peter of his poor self-esteem would be so rewarding.</p><p>“I shouldn’t even be telling you this because your ego is already disgustingly big, but his eyes lit up when you walked into the room. I think he was just intimidated,” Bucky said.</p><p>“Rightfully so.” Tony had come to the same conclusion as Bucky, but it was nice to have it confirmed. Peter liked him after all but didn’t think he was worthy of having someone look out for him—even though he was paying for it. Tony was going to knock the absurdity of Peter’s low self-esteem right out of him whether it took ten lessons or fifty.</p><p>He looked away from Bucky and to Peter who had just come to stand in the threshold. Bucky followed his eyes and got up from the chair when he noticed Peter had returned.</p><p><em>Wow, look at that. </em>Peter’s hair was damp and slightly wavy because of the shower. <em>Gosh, Stark. Get it together. He doesn’t belong to you.</em></p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Peter was surprised to see Bucky sitting in his chair chatting with Tony. Bucky got up as soon as he noticed Peter hovering in the doorway.</p><p>“Come on in,” Tony encouraged.</p><p>“Hey buddy, how’d it go?” Bucky asked.</p><p>Peter took a second to collect himself before answering.</p><p>“Uh, you know. Okay.” Peter shrugged.</p><p>“I hope Tony wasn’t too bad. We get a lot of complaints,” Bucky joked.</p><p>“No, he was great.” Peter frowned, not playing along with the joke.</p><p>Bucky grinned and Tony wore a self-satisfied smirk.</p><p>Peter figured it was a stupid thing to say in front of Tony anyways because even if Tony had absolutely sucked and he’d hated him, it wasn’t like he was just going to say that outright. If anything, he’d talk to another staff member privately, or preferably just quit the gym.</p><p>“Do I get my homework from you or Tony?” Peter asked awkwardly.</p><p>“Up to you.” Bucky shrugged. “I’m happy to take over, but if you got along with Tony, then you two should pair up.”</p><p>Tony's eyes flashed to Bucky before he nodded in agreement. “I did tell the kid I was just his temporary trainer since you were busy with that scary looking person.”</p><p>Bucky chuckled, “He was just here for a membership. Said he didn’t want training, so I can either take over here or go back to reception…seriously, it’s your choice, Peter.”</p><p>Peter groaned internally. Why did he feel like a kid stuck in the middle of a custody battle? Couldn’t either Tony or Bucky just make up their minds? They were the trainers, and he was just the fat customer who might not even last.</p><p>Peter shrugged, weighing the pros and cons. The pros were that he liked Tony and found him easy to get a long with since he was playful and funny. The cons were that Tony was smaller than Bucky which meant Peter stood out like a sore thumb beside him. But, if Peter could manage to lose weight, that problem would take care of itself.</p><p>“I’ll stick with Tony, if that’s okay," Peter decided.</p><p>Tony smiled. “Superb.”</p><p>"I mean. If you don’t mind," Peter added to Tony. "You said it was temporary, so I don’t want to screw anything up if you're busy with something else."</p><p>"Not busy," Tony assured. "I'm happy to do it."</p><p>Bucky smirked. “Fine by me, Peter."</p><p>"Catch you later," Bucky tossed over his shoulder as he walked out the door.</p><p>Peter watched him go.</p><p>“Stop drooling, kid, he’s taken,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter realized his back was to Tony, and he’d been watching Bucky a little too intently. It was more that he was nervous to be alone with Tony again, and Bucky’s absence meant there was no buffer. That was why his eyes had followed him out of the room, not because he was <em>interested. </em></p><p>Peter couldn’t find the words to say it wasn’t like that. Tony’s tone of voice implied that Bucky wasn’t just taken but taken by him. It figured—two of the most attractive guys he’d ever seen were together. Peter felt like telling Tony he had no reason to be possessive. Peter was fully aware that Bucky would never be interested in him regardless of his relationship status. Why would Tony even feel the need to say that?</p><p>Peter was glad he’d found out sooner than later, though; he didn’t want to develop a crush on Tony and make working out that much more stressful. The more Peter thought about it, the more the relationship made sense—Bucky had been teasing Tony, and Tony had said all that stuff about Bucky lacking a “delicate touch”, and Bucky had used his free time to come back to the office to chat with Tony. He’d probably interrupted their flirting, or their conversation about their plans for the weekend. Peter wanted a snack.</p><p>“What’s my homework?” Peter managed, taking the seat that Bucky had vacated.</p><p>Tony crossed his legs. “Standard stuff that almost everybody gets told to do is to keep a food journal.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed.</p><p>“You can do it on an app or on paper,” Tony explained. “It doesn’t matter to me. But for this first week at least, I don’t want you trying to reduce calories. I just want you to keep track of the food you’re already eating so we can start identifying patterns and habits.”</p><p>“I can do that.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “I know it’s tempting to omit a thing or two, but I can only help you if you’re honest. If you take a handful of chips, or if you add butter, or just have a bite of something, it goes in the journal. I don’t want to see ‘one cup of mashed potatoes’ written in your log if you took three scoops, either.”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. “Do I have to measure stuff?”</p><p>Tony tilted his head back and forth. “Yes, but not in the way you think. Let’s say you’re pouring cereal into a bowl… Someone tracking calories for weight loss would pour the cereal into a measuring cup and then into the bowl. What I want you to do is pour what you want into the bowl, and then measure what you’ve taken. This is just to see what your diet is like right now.”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter nodded. “Cool.”</p><p>“So you have ten lessons,” Tony said. “I think twice a week is a good place to start. How about 5:30 again? Not tomorrow or Thursday, but the day after that. Friday. It’ll give you some time to journal.”</p><p>“And today doesn’t count as one of the ten,” Tony added. “Just so you know.”</p><p>“What?” He’d been counting on only having nine more to get through before he could quit and say he’d tried.</p><p>“I know. A few more hours spent with me. It’s torture.”</p><p>“No.” Peter shook his head. “It’s just that…I don’t get why today doesn’t count. You really helped me. That shouldn’t be free.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Every new member at this gym is entitled to a demonstration and a one-on-one session. I’m not going to pretend that what I did today was revolutionary. It was a basic intro and a test run to see if we’ll work well together. I’m not going to charge you for what other people get for free."</p><p>“Thanks, man. That’s actually…awesome.”</p><p>Tony seemed pleased.</p><p>“All right,” Peter said awkwardly. “So. I’ll do that journalling. Do you want me to do anything else? Should I be exercising tomorrow and Thursday before our next session, or no?”</p><p>“No.” Tony shook his head. “Just do the food log and take the two rest days. The best way to keep motivation and progress up is not doing too much too fast. We’re in this for the long haul, so you can build healthy habits that you can keep for life. Not just the next month.”</p><p>Peter suddenly wasn’t so mad about having ten remaining lessons with Tony. The guy didn’t seem like he wanted to drill him to death and exhaust him. Everything he was saying made sense, and the man didn’t even seem to focus on weight loss. Everything he said was about ‘helping’ or ‘building healthy habits’. Peter appreciated that Tony evidently thought they worked well together. He’d thought the same thing, and maybe it was a good thing that Peter found out he was in a relationship—he could focus on the exercise and the diet instead of caring about what he looked like in front of Tony.</p><p>“And just so we can have a quantifiable goal,” Tony continued. “I want you to think about changing one habit. We talked about how you finish other people’s food before…”</p><p>Peter’s face flamed. <em>Gluttonous pig.</em> His own food wasn’t good enough for him, but he had to get his hands on other people’s food, too.</p><p>“Hey.” Tony leaned forward and touched the back of Peter’s hand where it rested on the desk. He withdrew it once he got Peter’s attention. “You’re not the only person in the world who likes to eat food. Food is delicious, and when someone doesn’t want to finish something perfectly good on their plate, I know it seems like a shame to watch it be thrown away. It’s a waste,” Tony explained. “But that’s not your problem. They spent the money on it, and they made the choice that they didn’t want it. I want you to make a choice for yourself, Peter. Do you want to feel ashamed after you eat? Or do you want to feel strong for making a decision that will benefit you?”</p><p>Peter sighed. “The second one.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Okay then, just try. Trying won’t hurt.”</p><p>Peter figured Tony was right, but it still annoyed him. What did Tony know about the struggle? He resented everyone thin for having the strength to say no. But really, if they were able to say no to food, stop eating when they were full, and make the commitment to exercise, how much strength did it really take? Wasn’t it easy for thin people to stay thin since they didn’t have to unlearn any habits? Maybe he’d ask May about that. If it was hard for her to eat so little, or if it just came naturally to her. He wasn’t sure which answer would annoy him more.</p><p>“Wow. It’s after 7,” Peter remarked. “My aunt’s probably waiting for me out front.” Changing the subject was partly intentional, but it was true. He had to get going. He still had homework from school.</p><p>“I’ll walk you out,” Tony offered.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“See you Friday.” Tony waved at Peter while he got into the car.</p><p>Peter wanted to die when May rolled down the window. “Hi!”</p><p>“Why hello there.” Tony approached the passenger window and leaned down into the car to greet May.</p><p>“Did I talk to you on the phone?” May asked, talking too loudly for the small space.</p><p>“No, it wasn’t me,” Tony replied, “although I'm sure you have a lovely phone voice.”</p><p>Peter eyed Tony incredulously. <em>What? Ew.</em></p><p>“Oh.” May brushed her hair back. “I’m May, Peter's aunt.”</p><p>“I’m Tony Stark, Peter's trainer.” Tony reached out a hand right in front of Peter’s face.</p><p>Tony <em>Stark</em>. Hmm. Peter guessed that was a decent name. A strong name.</p><p>“How’d it go?” May asked both Peter and Tony.</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. Why did adults have to be so annoying and social? Couldn’t they just go and be done with it? He wanted to go home and eat.</p><p>“Your nephew is exceptional,” Tony commented. “We’re meeting again Friday.”</p><p>“Oh my gosh that’s great, Peter.” May hit him on the shoulder for emphasis. “Why didn’t you say that?”</p><p>“I just got in the car.” Peter held his hands up.</p><p>Tony grinned. “Have a good night. Nice to meet you.” He focused on Peter while he spoke.</p><p>Peter nodded at him. “You too.”</p><p>“Bye.” May smiled, waving at Tony while she drove away from the gym.</p><p><em>Finally</em>, Peter thought. The thought didn’t have the bite he’d wanted it to, though. Even he had to admit that the visit to the gym wasn’t awful. Tony was nice enough. And nice to look at. Maybe ten more lessons wouldn’t be that bad.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Feel free to visit my Tumblr: winterironspiderling</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Portion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An insight into Peter's disordered eating habits and his first experience with keeping a food journal.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>// Calorie counting, ritualized eating, a mini binge, etc. in this chapter. //</p><p>I switched the update schedule to every Saturday, and I'm posting two chapters this time because I'm impatient and want to get this story out in its completion quickly because I've worked so hard on it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May pulled away from Iron Fitness and began the short drive home. Peter could tell that May was dying to ask him for more specific details about his first time at the gym. She kept side-eyeing him the entire car ride. Peter figured it was 50-50 whether May would break the silence to ask her questions. Sometimes she could control herself and give Peter space, but other times Peter had to endure an entire interrogation before May was satisfied, or before she would relax about whatever was worrying her.</p><p>Peter decided she deserved to know since she was the one paying for the lessons. He wasn't necessarily against the idea of discussing Tony, either. He was mildly interested in hearing her thoughts on the man.</p><p>“Just ask me,” Peter sighed.</p><p>May wasted no time. “What did he make you do? Was he nice? He seemed nice. He said you were <em>exceptional</em>.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh yeah. He did say that, didn’t he?</em>
</p><p>“He was just being friendly.” Peter brushed it off. “He probably felt bad about how pathetic I looked.”</p><p>“Oh Peter, I’m sure you didn’t look pathetic. You’re handsome, and your new clothes fit you great.”</p><p>“Thanks May.” He didn’t have the heart to disagree with her.</p><p>“So? What did you do?”</p><p>Peter explained how easy Tony went on him, and how introductory the whole thing was. He mentioned how the first lesson was free which earned a ‘wow’ from May, and he told her that he was going to have to start measuring food.</p><p>“He’s not putting you on one of those bird-food diets, is he? You still need to be eating, especially with all the working out you’re going to be doing.”</p><p>“Don’t make me laugh,” Peter teased. “I think I could stand to do a bird food diet, and fifteen minutes on the elliptical is hardly anything.”</p><p>Peter knew he was contradicting himself; before he’d gotten on the machine or even entered the gym, he’d been treating it like some impossible and scary thing because it was. For him. Realistically, he knew that fifteen minutes of exercise was hardly anything for most people, but for him it was a lot. But just because it was difficult didn’t mean it was going to allow him to drop 100 pounds just like that. Even if he exercised every day it wasn’t going to do anything if he kept eating like shit. He didn’t like fitness, but he knew how to do the math.</p><p>“No, for now we’re just monitoring what I already eat,” Peter explained. “Right now, I’m not really making changes.”</p><p>“What do you think about it?” May pressed. “Do you like where this is going?”</p><p>“This was the first time,” Peter replied. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”</p><p>May seemed to understand that Peter was being generous with his non-answers considering that he didn’t want to talk about it at all.</p><p>That was one thing Peter hated about dieting, sooner or later, whether you told anyone or not, people found out. Then they’d start micromanaging everything. “Can you have that on your diet?” “Can we eat here? I don’t know how healthy the menu is for you.” “Should you be having all of that?” “Lose anymore weight?” If Peter ever tried to decline food or if he had less than usual, everyone was on his case. “Not hungry? That’s so unlike you.” “Really? You’re sure you don’t want it?” Even when he was making the right choices, it felt like he was doing something wrong. If he didn’t want seconds, May took it personally as if he didn’t like the food. It was easier just to shut up, overeat, and avoid questioning. Keep everyone else comfortable by not changing his habits.</p><p>Peter mentally prepared himself for the questions he’d have to endure from May during breakfast when she saw him measuring out cereal and then recording it. He still wasn’t sure whether he wanted to do the food diary on paper or in an app. He supposed it didn’t matter—there would still be a lot of data entry.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Peter got home, he immediately went to the kitchen. It was habit. He perused the fridge, the cupboards, some grocery bags that hadn’t been unpacked yet, and then he returned to the fridge. Nothing he wanted. He’d have to dig into his personal stash.</p><p>He went to his room and got out the bin of chocolate bars, gummies, chips, beef jerky, pastries, and brownies that he kept under his desk. May didn’t eat that kind of stuff, and he didn’t want to make her pay for it, so he used his own money. It worked out anyway because if he bought it, he got to keep it in his room, and it was nobody’s business but his own.</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure what he wanted. He ritualized the process, taking every item out of the bin and laying it on the floor in categories. Sweet, savoury, and chocolate. He’d take one item from each pile. That was a fair reward. Not too much. Not too little. He’d gotten through a workout, and Tony had said he’d done a good job, and he did have plans to exercise again on Friday, so what could a little snack hurt? He’d burn it off on the way to school tomorrow. He might even take the long way. Yeah. He could do that. That would be good. He could have the snack.</p><p>Peter’s mouth was already watering before he selected his treats. He deliberated. Maybe this would be a good time to start the food journal. It would be proof that he didn’t actually eat that much, that maybe he got carried away with snacks once in a while, but that he didn't have a problem. Yeah, maybe Peter would show everything to Tony, and the man would say there's no way he should be this weight. Maybe he had a Thyroid problem, or an undiscovered chronic illness. And if it turned out to be that he was overindulging a little bit, he could easily cut back. There was nothing stopping him.</p><p>Peter felt justified when he considered that he didn't have a problem with food. It was his choice to snack. Nothing was making him do it, and if he could choose to eat, then he could choose not to if it was a serious problem. There was nothing to worry over or feel guilty about. Maybe he could even have two items from one of his categories. It was nothing. Just a small snack.</p><p> </p><p>Peter fetched the notebook from his desk and started writing. He decided he would be diligent and include entries for what he had already eaten throughout the entire day.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Breakfast:</strong>
</p><p>1 bowl of Lucky Charms</p><p>1 package of strawberry Pop Tarts</p><p>1 coffee</p><p>
  <strong>Lunch:</strong>
</p><p>1 chocolate milk</p><p>1 bag of Frito’s</p><p>1 slice of pepperoni pizza</p><p>1 chocolate pudding</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Dinner:</strong>
</p><p>1 bowl of macaroni and cheese</p><p>1 hot dog</p><p>1 Coke</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Snacks:</strong>
</p><p>1 Kit Kat bar</p><p>1 bag of salt and vinegar chips</p><p>1 bag of gummy worms</p><p> </p><p>Peter looked at the list and smiled. He had eaten just one of everything. How bad could that be? The list was rather small—it barely filled the page. That little of food would definitely have him under calories for the day. Especially if he factored in the calories he had burnt exercising. Peter was satisfied, so he went ahead and ate the snacks he’d chosen.</p><p>Peter was halfway through the chips when he remembered he’d eaten the crust from the pizza MJ had left behind at lunch time. Plus, he’d had a ranch dip with it.</p><p>“Hmm. That shouldn’t make too much of a difference,” Peter muttered to himself. He grabbed the notebook and made the necessary changes.</p><p>Peter chewed his lip wondering if there was anything else he could’ve forgotten. He went to the kitchen and absentmindedly grabbed a Coke from the fridge. He glanced at the can after he’d taken his first sip. 150 calories. Not bad at all. He added it to the snack section on his list. Dieting wasn't so hard.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter woke up feeling motivated. He knew what he had to do. He’d pour his cereal and then measure it back into the bowl. He wondered if he had to measure the milk too. Milk was supposed to be healthy. Did he have to count healthy things? He decided he’d better just to be thorough.</p><p>He was aware of May watching him, but she never said anything. Peter attempted to keep his soreness from being obvious. It wasn’t like he couldn’t move—although he was sure Tony was going to work him to that point eventually—it was just that his body knew it had done something it wasn’t used to doing. Peter could feel the tenderness and the fatigue of his muscles. It was an odd yet satisfying feeling.</p><p>Peter counted three cups of cereal and two cups of milk. He added it to the list. This one would be more specific than his list from the day before. He would include measurements and calories. He was already improving. With this level of diligence, he knew the weight would come off in no time.</p><p>Peter did the math. Three cups at 145 calories a cup made 435. Two cups of 2% milk at 125 a cup made 250. So 685 for everything.</p><p>Peter frowned. Wow. That seemed like a lot for just cereal. Peter eyed the bowl. Tony had said not to take any food away, but Peter was tempted. He usually had cereal <em>and</em> Pop Tarts.</p><p>He checked the box. It was 200 calories for one pastry and there were two in each package.</p><p>“400 calories for this package?” Peter held up the small silver bag that contained the two Pop Tarts and showed them to May. “It’s ridiculous.”</p><p>May smiled sympathetically. “Maybe just have one and save the other one in a baggy for later?”</p><p>Peter knew that sounded fair, but it seemed like a waste of time. He might as well just have both. 200 more calories wouldn’t hurt him when he was already that big. He would just have to eat a light lunch and maybe work a little harder in gym class. That was doable.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>He felt better about breakfast once he was on his way to school. Walking would burn everything off, plus he could complain about everything to Ned. He’d get it.</p><p>“Hey bro, what’s up?” Ned asked once he and Peter met up.</p><p>“Same old. You?”</p><p>“Did you get the algebra homework?” Ned wondered. “I missed 3B.”</p><p>“Yeah I got it,” Peter said. “I’ll give it to you at lunch.”</p><p>“Sweet. Thanks.”</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“So how’d it go last night?”</p><p>“Hmm? Oh yeah,” Peter said. “Pretty good.”</p><p>“Did you get paired with an instructor, or did you just work out solo?”</p><p>“I got paired with this guy named Tony,” Peter explained. “We did like a few minutes of cardio and a bit of weightlifting, and then we talked about my goals and stuff. I don’t know. It was cool.”</p><p>“Was he like super ripped?” Ned asked.</p><p>“No, not really,” Peter admitted. “He’s a bit taller than me, actually on the thin side. Not so muscular if that makes sense.” Peter didn’t mention how handsome he was, or the fact that he probably had a six pack under his track suit. He didn’t feel like making more out of the situation than he needed to.</p><p>“Nice.”</p><p>“Hey, do you know how many calories you’re supposed to eat in a day?” Peter asked distractedly. He considered his snacks from the night before and his sugary breakfast from the morning. He was nervous that he was missing something, or maybe doing it wrong. 685 for cereal sounded like a lot, but he had no point of reference.</p><p>“No.” Ned shrugged. “No clue.”</p><p>“How do you figure it out?”</p><p>“I’m sure Google knows,” Ned teased.</p><p>“Yeah, but online calculators for anything are never accurate,” Peter explained. “I want an equation I can do myself.” Maybe he’d just have to ask Tony on Friday.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter entered the cafeteria line behind Ned and MJ, watching their choices as discreetly as possible. For Ned it was pizza, Coke, and a slice of pie. For MJ it was a garden salad and a bottle of water. She had also brought a veggie wrap from home. Interesting. She had had pizza the day before which is how Peter got the crust, so why wasn't she getting it today? Peter would have to pay closer attention to what the people around him were eating. It wasn’t fair to peg MJ for being effortlessly thin when she was obviously eating a healthy diet. Maybe he’d just been overlooking the truth so he could see what he wanted to see, and try to ease the constant pain of self-hatred—if MJ was thin because of “lucky genetics” then he wasn’t doing anything wrong; he just had a slow metabolism and bad luck.</p><p>Peter was conflicted over what he should get. Breakfast had already racked up more calories than he had anticipated, and the prospect of showing Tony his journal was starting to make him nervous instead of excited. What if he'd made a mistake, or what if he really did just eat like a slob, and there was no underlying medical issue? What would Tony say to him when he added up all the totals and saw just how much he was stuffing into his mouth? Peter settled on the burger and fries combo with Coke to drink. He already knew that soda was 150 calories. The known was safe, but his stomach flipped. He couldn't even enjoy the food with the prospect of exposing his habits to Tony. Talking about them during their introductory meeting was one thing, but showing him the proof on paper was different.</p><p>Before Peter started eating, he did a mental tally of the calories—luckily it was school regulation to post the nutritional information on the wrapper. Healthy bodies healthy minds and all.</p><p>Discouraged, Peter realized he was basically at 2000 for the day, and he hadn’t even had dinner yet. He didn’t know specifically how many calories he was allowed for the day, but he knew that most nutritional labels listed 2000 calories as the recommended daily intake for the average adult. <em>What about above-average teenagers?</em></p><p>He tried to be proud of himself for learning so quickly and for thinking about this kind of stuff seriously for the first time in his life—any attempts he had made in the past were half-hearted at best. Peter hoped Tony could at least be proud of him for good record keeping if nothing else. The thought of his next lesson loomed over him. <em>God, what an embarrassment.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>Breakfast:</strong>
</p><p>3 cups of Lucky Charms 435</p><p>2 cups of 2% milk 250</p><p>2 strawberry PopTarts 400</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>Lunch:</strong>
</p><p>1 cheeseburger 350</p><p>1 order of fries 350</p><p>1 Coke 150</p><p> </p><p>Peter waited until he was in a class without Ned and MJ before he got out his notebook to write the entries down. He knew that Ned was already aware of what was going on, but he didn’t want MJ or anyone else to know. The fewer people that knew, the better. If he failed, it would be in secret.</p><p>When the teacher wasn’t looking, he used his laptop to find a website that would tell him how much a boy his age and weight was supposed to eat. Initially Peter had wanted to ask Tony for an accurate equation, but he didn’t want to wait any longer.</p><p>He entered his basic information into the calculator. 17 years old. 5’7”. 240 pounds. Sedentary lifestyle. He checked a few different websites to see if they were all saying the same thing, and he came to the conclusion that to maintain his weight he could eat approximately 2500 calories a day, and to lose one pound a week, he could eat approximately 2000. Peter altered some of the parameters of the calculator to see what he could eat if he started exercising, or once he lost his first ten pounds—if he ever got that far. Peter was dismayed. No fucking wonder he had turned into a whale. It was barely afternoon and he had gobbled up his calories for the day. It was enough to make him feel sick.</p><p>Whatever had possessed him to think that he had a medical problem and not a self-control problem was gone. Now that the binge was over, he could see how delusional he’d been to think such a thing. May had tried to stop him from having Pop Tarts at breakfast, and he’d made an excuse. He’d talked himself into eating a quarter of his snack stash for no reason after working out once.</p><p>He was tired of the excuses and the delusion, justifying making wrong choices and manipulating himself into his own failure. Peter felt psychotic, like another version of himself had taken over his body. It was always how it felt during a binge—like he wasn’t there.</p><p>As much as the prospect of showing Tony his failure terrified Peter, he could barely wait until Friday. He was going to make the most of his remaining sessions and lose the weight. He didn’t care what it took. Tony had suggested monitoring his calories and maintaining them for some time, but Peter didn’t care. He was getting a head start on the deficit.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The delusion felt during the prelude to eating, the actual eating, and post-eating is so real. You try to justify your behaviour and convince yourself you're allowed (or not allowed) to eat. The disorder takes over, and you know what you're doing is wrong, but it's like a demon is possessing you. You make the wrong decision and feel like complete shit and don't understand how you let it happen AGAIN, and once you snap out of that frame of mind (whether minutes or sometimes days later) you say next time will be different...and usually it's not.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Dysfunction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter's second lesson with Tony.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On Friday, Peter didn't wait until May was home from work to give him a ride to Iron Fitness. He changed into his gym clothes, packed a spare outfit into his bag, and gathered both his food journal and his calculus homework.  Peter figured he could do the work in the small lounge area at the gym while he waited for 5:30 to roll around. Being alone in the apartment just made him antsy, and when he was anxious, he wanted to snack. It would be better if he was out of the house.</p><p>Peter stopped at Delmar’s on the way to the gym to pick up a bottle of water. What he really wanted was some sweet treats and a soda, but he forced himself to leave it behind. He didn’t even let himself go into the candy aisle. If he’d been heading anywhere else, it would’ve been easy to let himself buy what he wanted. <em>Just one bag. No problem. </em>But there was no way he’d set foot in a gym with food like that. No way he’d let Tony see him feeding his face like a pig at a trough. He found himself thinking<em> maybe on the way back.</em> <em>Maybe I can get one bag—a small bag—as a reward. </em>His own mind disgusted him.</p><p>By the time his feet carried him into the neighbourhood of the gym it was nearing 4. Peter had felt more excited by the idea of the gym than he did actually arriving there. It was busy and loud, and he didn’t see any familiar faces—not that he knew anyone besides Bucky and Tony. Oh well. He opened his backpack to get his homework out. He would probably finish everything if he remained focused on the work while trying to tune out the world of fitness surrounding him.</p><p>Peter looked up sometime after, chewing his pen cap while he was working out a problem in his head. Tony was standing right in front of him.</p><p>Peter flinched in surprise and took his earbuds out. “Hey, man. What’s up?”</p><p>“You’re early,” Tony commented, pulling out the chair opposite Peter and sitting down.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed.</p><p>“That makes me so happy.” Tony put a hand over his chest.</p><p>“How do you know I did it on purpose?” Peter joked. “What if I just got dropped off early because May had to be somewhere?”</p><p>Tony smirked. “What are we working on?” He grabbed Peter’s notebook and slid it across to his side of the table</p><p>“Calculus,” Peter sighed. “Legal torture.”</p><p>“Well you’re pretty good at it,” Tony remarked, flipping through the pages. “May I?” He held out his hand for Peter’s pen.</p><p>Peter handed it to him, keeping the chewed cap to himself. “Be my guest.” After a moment, he tugged at his t-shirt. It had worked itself into the fold between his stomach and chest. How much had Tony seen?</p><p>“Damn. I was so close.” Peter frowned. “I didn’t even see that mistake. Thank you.”</p><p>“Don’t sweat it,” Tony said. “Math’s my thing.”</p><p>“You have a lot of things,” Peter replied.</p><p>Tony smiled. “You got any things, Mr. Parker?”</p><p>“Eating?”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “You and seven billion other people. What else?”</p><p>“I like to read, mess around with computers. I don’t know. Nothing special.”</p><p>Tony didn’t comment. “You like movies?”</p><p>“I love movies.” Peter nodded fervently, gesturing to his t-shirt which featured Spock from Star Trek doing the Vulcan salute.</p><p>“‘Spock to the hand’,” Tony read. “That’s cute.”</p><p>Peter regretted drawing attention to his chest immediately after he’d done it. He hunched over his homework, trying to get his t-shirt to fall toward the table and away from his skin.</p><p>Peter didn’t say anything in response. He didn’t know what to say to Tony. He was sure the man wouldn’t have sat down just to be nice—he could’ve waved or just said hi without grabbing a chair—so what did he want? Was Tony bored? Killing time? Peter racked his brain for things to say, but all that came to his mind was “sorry for being so fat and awkward”.</p><p>Peter tried to smile at Tony as a way of encouraging him to say something to account for his awkward silence, but Peter was pretty sure his smile was more of a grimace.</p><p>“Well, I’ll let you get back to it,” Tony announced. “Meet me in the office in thirty. We’ll talk about your food diary.” He knocked on the table once and turned away.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed. “See ya.” <em>Fuck. </em></p><p>Peter couldn’t concentrate on calculus anymore. He decided to leave the rest for later. He got out his food journal instead and made sure everything was accounted for and that the caloric values were correct; he didn’t want to leave any room for error. Especially now that he knew Tony was a math whiz. He didn’t want to be an idiot on top of being overweight. One out of two was bad enough.</p><p> </p><p>There were only so many times Peter could look over his few journal entries before it became ridiculous. When it was reasonably close to 5:30, and after he’d sufficiently berated himself for being so awkward during his conversation with Tony, Peter went to the locker room and chose the same locker he had used on Tuesday. He stashed his backpack and retied his shoelaces. After a couple minutes he ran out of things to do, so he just took a breath and made his way to the office.</p><p>“Tony?” Peter asked quietly. After he had spoken, he noticed his voice was too low. He prepared to repeat himself since Tony probably hadn’t heard him, but it wasn’t necessary.</p><p>“Hey.” Tony’s eyes brightened. “Have a seat.”</p><p>Peter set the notebook in front of Tony, doing his best to avoid eye contact.</p><p>He tried to control his breathing while Tony looked everything over.</p><p>“This is a good start.” Tony nodded. “There’s just a couple things…”</p><p>“I swear I put everything in there.” Peter leaned forward. “I did it like you said.”</p><p>“Down boy. I believe you.”</p><p>“What did I do wrong?”</p><p>Tony inclined his head at Peter thoughtfully. “Let me make some notes. You can look them over after. They’re not that big of a deal. We can get straight into the workout today.”</p><p>Peter glowered at the pages in Tony’s hands. Angrier at himself than at Tony. What could he have possibly forgotten?</p><p> </p><p>Peter ignored Tony’s suggestion of leaving the pages until later. He opened the notebook up as he followed Tony to the cardio room.</p><p>There were tiny notes written next to a few of the food entries.</p><p><em>Bun? Condiments?</em> was written next to his entry for a hot dog.</p><p><em>Condiments?</em> was written next to his entry for a hamburger.</p><p><em>Can or Bottle?</em> <em>Be specific.</em> was written next to his entries for Coke.</p><p>Peter understood. He knew Tony was right, but it was embarrassing. He really thought he had included everything, and it wasn’t just about forgetting a few things, it was the fear that Tony would think he had omitted things purposely to try and make his diet seem better.</p><p>“I’ll be more careful next time,” Peter explained, holding the book up to Tony. “I didn’t mean to miss stuff.”</p><p>“Take it easy, Pete. I’m not mad at you. I’m just making sure you’re getting your money’s worth. It’s my job to be annoying and nitpicky.”</p><p>Peter wasn’t convinced.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The first part of the workout passed Peter by in a sweaty blur.</p><p>“Okay, you’re killing me.” Tony broke the twenty-minute silence.</p><p>Peter stepped off the elliptical slowly, flexing his toes to wake them up. “What?”</p><p>“You’re quiet,” Tony explained. “You haven’t said a word to me since we got out here.”</p><p>“Sorry.” Peter shrugged, taking a sip of water.</p><p>“Did I really hurt your feelings that bad?” Tony crossed his arms, watching Peter wipe down the machine meticulously.</p><p>“No,” Peter sighed. “It’s not your fault. I just…” Peter rolled his eyes. “I hate making mistakes.”</p><p>“Who said anything about a mistake? I wrote those notes, so you’d include them next time. I didn’t expect you to write down every single thing to the last calorie and macro your first three days keeping the damn journal.”</p><p>“I know,” Peter admitted.</p><p>“Geez, kid, the more I get to know you, the more I think we’re the same person.”</p><p>“Poor you,” Peter laughed.</p><p>“Oh please, like you’re that bad.” Tony nudged Peter while they walked to the weight room.</p><p>Peter didn’t say anything.</p><p>“Okay, we’re going to work that attitude right out of you, Parker. I’m going to replace your pity with exhaustion and the delicious burn that only squats can produce.”</p><p>“Wait a minute.” Peter looked at Tony, horrified. “I thought you said stuff like that was bad for your knees.”</p><p>“A few won’t kill you.” Tony shrugged easily. “If it hurt hurts and doesn’t just burn a little bit, we can totally stop. But otherwise…you’re not walking out of here.”</p><p>“I think I hate you now,” Peter sighed.</p><p>“Hate is a strong emotion, and I will take it.”</p><p> </p><p>The only consolation Peter had was that Tony did the squats with him.</p><p>“Three sets of ten, baby,” Tony sighed wistfully. “After me, you’re gonna have the best ass in New York.”</p><p>Peter truly believed he was dying. “Please, Tony,” he said after the first set. “I’ve learned my lesson. I get it. You were just making notes. Please don’t make me beg.”</p><p>“Keep begging.” Tony shrugged. “It’s music to my ears.”</p><p>“You suck. Seriously, man. You suck so bad it’s actually crazy,” Peter complained.</p><p>“You are like the perfect setter upper for dirty jokes, kid.”</p><p>Peter glowered, getting as deep as he possibly could into the squat. If he had thought the first set was hard…he was sadly mistaken. The third set nearly had him in tears.</p><p>“You’re not even sweating!” Peter cried.</p><p>Tony started laughing so hard it was a near cackle. “I got Botox all over my body. I physically can’t sweat.”</p><p>Peter started laughing, but he actually didn’t know if Tony was joking or not. “Does the gym offer refunds if I cancel the rest of my lessons?”</p><p>“You did twenty-five squats, Peter,” Tony encouraged. “Come on. Just give me two more. Screw the thirty. Just give me twenty-seven!” Tony clapped his hands. “Dig in!”</p><p>“Jesus Christ,” Peter panted.</p><p>“Tony Stark, actually, but sure.” Tony clapped his hands again. “One more, baby. That’s it!”</p><p>Peter finished the last squat and thought he could see his entire life flashing before his eyes.</p><p>“Wow,” Peter huffed, reaching for his water. His legs wobbled as he bent down for it, and Tony steadied him.</p><p>“Oh.” Peter jerked away from Tony.</p><p>Tony’s hands were gone in an instant.</p><p>“Sorry,” Peter grimaced. “I…I’m gross. You don’t wanna get my sweat on you.”</p><p>“Are you kidding me?” Tony frowned.</p><p>Peter shrugged. No, he wasn’t kidding.</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes and reached forward to wipe a hand on Peter’s arm right through the particularly sweaty patch on his inner elbow. He wiped it on his own shirt.</p><p>Peter cringed on Tony’s behalf. “Oh my God. Ew.”</p><p>“Oh my God,” Tony cried in mock horror. “Somebody help. I have cooties now.”</p><p>Peter smirked. “Fine. Whatever I get it.”</p><p>Tony shook his head, but he didn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>“So how come you cut me a break?” Peter changed the subject.</p><p>“Your legs were shaking,” Tony explained. “It was making your form sloppy, and even I’m not that much of a dick.”</p><p>“Oh. Is that normal? Did I do okay, or whatever, for a beginner?”</p><p>“Flying colours.”</p><p>The answer satisfied Peter, but the three squats he had failed to do were at the back of his mind. He knew that it made sense logically—doing no squats was better than doing three shitty ones—but still. He followed Tony diligently for the rest of their time together. There wasn’t much else on the docket, since he was just beginning and his legs were all but useless after the squats, but Tony had a few lighter things for him to do, and there was still the cool down.</p><p>Peter was expecting the night to go as it had on Tuesday, but instead of showering and then returning to the office to discuss his goals with Tony, they just talked everything out while they walked on the treadmill.</p><p>“So last time we decided that you wouldn’t be finishing anyone else’s food,” Tony said. “That was your starting point, goal-wise.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter managed. He was still ashamed even though he didn’t feel as uncomfortable speaking about it with Tony as he had initially.</p><p>“How’s that going? You get a chance to put it into practice, yet?”</p><p>“Not really,” Peter admitted. “At lunch, Ned finished all his stuff, and my other friend MJ’s been eating salads. Uhm, and my aunt has been trying to go vegan, so we eat separate most days anyway.”</p><p>“Fair enough. Well, just keep it in mind.”</p><p>Peter nodded once.</p><p>“As for the measuring.” Tony raised his eyebrows. “How are you finding that? Surprised by what you’re eating? Did anything stand out to you?”</p><p>Peter frowned. “Well, you know, I looked up on the internet how much I’m supposed to be eating, and it was kind of a shock, I guess, to see that I’m way over budget.”</p><p>“You’re a step ahead of me,” Tony remarked. “We weren’t going to talk about that until next lesson.”</p><p>Peter took it as a compliment.</p><p>Tony waited for Peter to continue.</p><p>“To be honest, it’s embarrassing.” Peter averted his eyes. “I just wish I’d never let it get this bad.”</p><p>“I get it,” Tony replied. “It’s not easy to face.”</p><p>Peter slowed his pace a bit. The talking was making it harder to breathe.</p><p>“I know we said we’d take it slow for now and just maintain your current weight, but I think you’re ready to take the next step, kid. You’ve seen where your weaknesses are and how those pesky condiments sneak up on you, and you took the initiative to learn about caloric intake on your own. Try reducing now.”</p><p>“To what?” Peter wondered. He was glad Tony had brought it up because he'd already planned to get started on a deficit anyway and wasn't totally sure what he was doing.</p><p>“I’m not expecting a change overnight, and neither should you, but we have to start somewhere. With your height and weight, maintenance is probably close to 2500 calories.”</p><p>“Yeah, pretty close.”</p><p>“Right, well just try to stay in that ballpark. A simple change right off the bat is switching to Diet Coke or water. Or at the very least cutting back to one can a day. Staying at 2500 or a few calories under combined with the exercise we’re doing is a great start.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Tony grinned. “All right, we’re done here then. I’ll see you Tuesday same time.”</p><p>Peter tried not to look disappointed. It wasn’t like he enjoyed discussing the details of his unhealthy lifestyle or exposing all his bad habits for Tony to see, but he did enjoy spending time with the man. Tony was easy going, funny, smart, understanding…he had never even come close to making a fat joke or even sounding judgmental. Peter would have to wait three days before he could see Tony again, and that wasn’t ideal.</p><p>Peter wasn’t happy about having to part ways with Tony so soon, but the bright side of the arrangement was that he didn’t have to rush in the shower.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter checked his phone before he grabbed his towel and groaned. Missed calls and texts from May. He dialed her back immediately.</p><p>“Peter?” May asked.</p><p>Peter resisted asking her if her caller ID was working. Of course it was him.</p><p>“You’re at the gym?”</p><p>He was already in a bad mood, and the insinuation in her question wasn’t helping anything. Of course he was at the gym. Where did she think he was? Did May think he was so pathetic that he would skip the gym and forfeit the lessons she’d paid for just so he could get out of the house to eat?</p><p>“Peter?”</p><p>“What? Sorry,” Peter sighed. “I walked here.  I forgot to leave a note.”</p><p>“Oh…” May said. “That’s amazing!”</p><p>Wow. He’d walked somewhere and that merited excitement, apparently.</p><p>“I guess,” Peter agreed.</p><p>“Do you want me to come pick you up?” May wondered.</p><p>Peter bit his lip. Yes, he did. On the other hand, she seemed so proud that he had walked there in the first place. Maybe he should walk back. But wouldn’t it be more satisfying to never walk again just to spite her for being excited about it? Plus, if he walked, he could go and get those gummy worms from Delmar’s, and she’d never know, but then again, his legs were killing him thanks to Tony…so many factors to be considered.</p><p>“Uhm, that’s okay, May,” Peter decided. “I’ll walk back again for the extra cool down. Tony really worked me today.”</p><p>“Okay, be careful,” May said. “I’ll wait for you in front of the building.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do that,” Peter said with his eyes clenched shut. He could still get the gummy worms and hide them in his bag. Tony had said to cut back on soda, but maybe he could start on Saturday? Peter’s mind raced with the prospect of eating in the comfort and privacy of his room. He wanted to get off the phone and into the shower. The faster that happened, the faster he could fulfill his fantasy.</p><p>“All right, text me when you leave so I know when to expect you,” May said. “Bye.”</p><p>“Bye,” Peter echoed.</p><p>He hung up the phone, looking around to make sure he was alone before he grabbed his bag and brought it into the bathroom stall. He stripped and covered himself with his favourite towel before bringing his bag back to his locker and then heading to the showers.</p><p>It was an exhausting process, and he envied all the guys that could just get naked in the middle of the locker room. As it was, Peter had to keep going back and forth. Grab his bag from the locker. Go to the bathroom stall. Shed the exercise clothes. Take the clean clothes out of the bag. Put on the towel. Stuff the dirty clothes into the bag. Go back to the locker to stow the bag. Go to the shower. Towel off. Shower. Towel on. Back to the locker to grab the clean outfit. Back to the bathroom stall. Back to the locker.</p><p>The process took forever which was why Peter took advantage of his time in the shower. There was no point in taking a long time to undress and redress but rushing the actual good part of the routine.</p><p>Peter stood under the warm spray of the water for what seemed like hours. He lifted each of his legs up, stretching out the sore muscles the best that he could.</p><p>“Ohhh,” Peter sighed quietly. The water pressure was delightful, and squats were not.</p><p>Once again, he was tempted to touch himself, but he didn’t let it happen. Whether it was because he was getting tired of standing, or because the prospect of food motivated him to finish his shower quickly, or because he felt so disgusted by the thought of eating back all the calories he’d just burned that he didn’t think he deserved to come, Peter didn’t know.</p><p>Peter turned off the water and grabbed his towel and outfit from the hook outside the stall. He hurried, grateful for the safety of his beach towel. Instead of wearing it traditionally—around the hips like most guys—Peter wrapped it around his entire body starting under the armpits.</p><p>Peter was so eager to get to the bathroom stall that he didn’t pay attention to the 6-foot wall of muscle in his path.</p><p>“Ah!” Peter yelped.</p><p>“Whoa there.”</p><p>Peter tilted his head up to look at the man. “Sorry.”</p><p>“You’re the new kid.” The guy beamed. “I’m Steve.”</p><p>How did he know that? Were people talking about him? Peter wrapped his towel around himself more tightly. “Uhm. Hi.”</p><p>Steve was muscular and blonde, and the only point of reference he had for the man’s build was Bucky. They both had almost the same physique, except one of Bucky’s arms was metal. Peter noted resentfully that Steve’s smile looked like it belonged in a toothpaste commercial. Peter thought he kind of looked like a real-life Ken doll.</p><p>“So how are your lessons going?” Steve wondered. “I saw you out there. You seem to be off to a great start. You know, making the choice to join is the hardest part. You should be proud of yourself.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes darted to the bathroom stall waiting for him just behind Steve. He considered bolting for it. Steve was polite and probably meant well, but he didn’t know who he was dealing with. Peter was uncomfortable.</p><p>Steve’s smile was dimming with every second that passed where Peter didn’t match his enthusiasm.</p><p>“They’re really good,” Peter managed. “So you work here?” He wasn’t trying to be rude, but he didn’t like anyone seeing him when he was clothed, and he was nearly naked at present. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest.</p><p>“Oh yeah, I—”</p><p>“Christ, Rogers, you have him cornered like an animal. Ease up, yeah?” Tony strolled into the bathroom.</p><p>Peter thought that dropping dead would’ve been the perfect escape. Death would be much preferable to standing in front of two male models in nothing but a beach towel. Peter corrected himself—a beached whale towel.</p><p>“Oh.” Steve frowned, finally picking up on Peter’s mortification. “Right. Nice to meet you. We can talk another time.”</p><p>Peter smiled, his eyes flickering to Tony’s with as much gratitude as he could manage. He darted around Steve as fast as his legs could carry him and into the safety of a public toilet partition. What a wonderful evening.</p><p>Peter took a moment to calm down, listening to make sure the locker room was empty before he went back to his locker to grab his clean clothes. He felt like Steve and Tony could still see him. Peter was glad that Tony had intervened, but he was bothered that it had to happen like that. Why couldn’t he just be normal and have a pleasant social interaction. Sure, Steve was kind of odd for striking up a conversation with a guy in a towel, but that was standard. Peter knew the protocol from the high school locker room, and his desire to hide his body made him the weird one, unfortunately.</p><p><em>Whatever. Just get over it. Change. Go home.</em> Peter didn’t even want to stop at Delmar’s anymore, but he would—if only just to prove himself right that he couldn’t succeed.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter wasn’t sure what he was doing anymore. He hesitated outside of the gym. He knew if he started walking, he was going to find food; the craving for gummy worms hadn’t subsided. He considered waiting outside until he knew Delmar’s would be closed, but that was a couple hours away, and he could just hit up a 24-hour store anyway. He thought of calling May and taking her up on that ride, so he’d have no choice but to skip the pitstop. He was beyond conflicted.</p><p>“There you go thinking again.”</p><p>Peter looked over. Tony. He hadn’t noticed anyone come out.</p><p>“If looks could kill, the street would have a hole burned in it.”</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Tell that to the road.”</p><p>Peter smirked.</p><p>“So—”</p><p>“Thanks—”</p><p>Tony kept talking once Peter paused. “So what do you have planned for this evening?”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. “What do I have planned?”</p><p>“Yeah. That’s what I said.”</p><p>“I’m going home. I’ll probably finish my homework. Watch some YouTube.”</p><p>Tony smiled. “Seriously?”</p><p>“Well, what are you doing?” Peter asked.</p><p>“No clue,” Tony admitted.</p><p>
  <em>Probably going partying with Bucky and all your other fit friends.</em>
</p><p>Peter wondered if this was the part in a conversation where people suggested going out for drinks together—if those people were in the same league, age range, and weight class. Peter knew he could live ten lifetimes and never be asked out—even in a platonic capacity. Why had Tony asked if he was serious? <em>What’s that supposed to mean?</em></p><p>“You waiting for your aunt?”</p><p>“Sort of.”</p><p>Tony inclined his head. “How do you sort of wait for someone?”</p><p>“I told her I was walking home, but I might change my mind and call her for a ride.”</p><p>“Ah.”</p><p>Peter stole a glance at Tony. He was dying to reach out and make conversation. Act normal. Be confident, but every time he thought of something, he figured it was too irrelevant to even bother saying. Peter wondered if that would go away after he lost weight, or if he was just doomed because of who he was as a person.</p><p>“Legs sore?” Tony tried.</p><p>“Uhm, not really,” Peter lied.</p><p>“Then why not walk?”</p><p>“Because if I do, I’m going to pass by the sandwich shop down the street from my apartment and buy whatever food I can get my hands on.”</p><p>Peter surprised himself by saying that. He peeked at Tony to gauge his expression. Peter expected revulsion, but Tony’s face was calm. That was fine; Peter’s face displayed enough revulsion for the both of them. Why in God’s name had he admitted that? <em>What is wrong with me?</em></p><p>“Oh,” Tony said. “I didn’t—you binge eat?”</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“I wish you would’ve mentioned that during your sign-up,” Tony said. “I guess I could’ve asked,” Tony added mostly to himself, “but did you not think it was worth mentioning?”</p><p>Peter opened and closed his mouth. “I didn’t know it was a big deal. I overeat. Does calling it bingeing change anything?”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Yeah, big time.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. If you don’t want to train me, I completely understand. I—”</p><p>“No, Peter. I wish you would’ve said something because I can be of more help to you if I know what I’m dealing with. There’s different things I can teach you instead of the run-of-the-mill food pyramid shit.”</p><p>“You—you really think you can fix this?” Peter asked.</p><p>“If you give me the chance to try. If you’re honest and tell me what's really going on with you.”</p><p>Peter sighed. He'd made another mistake.</p><p>“Is there anything I can do to change your mind about going all-in on this binge?” Tony said.</p><p>“Electric shock therapy? Brain washing? Maybe hypnosis.”</p><p>“Sorry, those services are only offered for platinum members every other Thursday,” Tony joked.</p><p>Peter let the joke end. He was so embarrassed that he couldn’t even bear to occupy space near Tony any longer.</p><p>“We’re gonna work on this next time,” Tony offered.</p><p>“Sure,” Peter agreed. Maybe Tony could help, maybe he couldn’t. Peter wasn’t sure anything could help him—he’d been so motivated only a few hours ago, and it had already disappeared just at the prospect of some gummy worms. <em>What is wrong with me?</em></p><p>“I guess I’ll go.” Peter said. He didn’t know how to end the conversation properly. If Tony wanted to talk to someone, why not his boyfriend, or Steve, or literally anyone else?</p><p>“Good luck, kid,” Tony offered. He put his hands in his pockets. “I’ll see you Tuesday, yeah?”</p><p>Peter was self conscious. When you tried to walk away from someone and you knew they were watching you, somehow the brain malfunctioned, and all motor skill was forgotten.</p><p>“Umm, yeah. I was gonna say earlier…thanks for saving me.” God that sounded idiotic. “In the locker room. You know…” Peter explained.</p><p>Tony grinned. “Don’t sweat it. Steve is like a dog when it comes to personal space. He doesn’t know it exists.”</p><p>“I take it you like cats then?”</p><p>“I love cats,” Tony corrected.</p><p>“Yeah. Same." Peter perked up despite himself. "There’s this cat at Delmar’s, the sandwich shop I mentioned? I work part time there. It’s only once a week, but still. Yeah, anyway. Mr. Delmar has a cat that’s always there.” Peter rambled. <em>You finally decided to talk and this is what you say? Nice one, Peter. Idiot. </em></p><p>“That’s something I’d like to see,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter didn’t know if that meant he should expect to see Tony anytime soon, or if he was just being polite. It didn’t really matter, in the end.</p><p>Peter shrugged. “Yeah. I work Saturdays usually which explains my lack of plans tonight. Well technically I had a plan. This was the plan. Working out—plus, you know, with someone.” Peter gestured to Tony. “That’s kind of social, so I’m not a complete loser, but then on the other hand I did pay for this, so, actually. Never mind.” <em>Oh my god. Just stop. Stop moving your mouth. That’s all you have to do.</em></p><p>“Spending a Friday with me makes you a definite winner in my book,” Tony replied. “That’s not a privilege many people have.”</p><p>Peter allowed himself to smile. He was beyond mortified by the sudden brain leak he was experiencing, but Tony was being nice about it. So maybe it wasn’t as bad as he thought? Either way he had to get out of there before he kept spewing nonsense.</p><p>“Okay, I better actually get going before my aunt freaks out. Or before I keep you here all night with my rambling.”</p><p>“Fair enough,” Tony agreed. “And kid, I know you think stopping for some food might satisfy you, but I promise it’ll just make you feel lousy. If you really have to…try not to overdo it, okay?”</p><p>If it had been coming from anyone else, Peter would’ve been livid. Like he needed advice from anyone about food. But Tony seemed sincere, and Peter could see where he was coming from since it was his job to say things like that.</p><p>“See ya,” Peter said, acknowledging Tony’s suggestion with a small, defeated smile. He hated that despite Tony’s support and logic, and despite all the hard work he had put in at the gym, and how he knew bingeing would only make him feel shitty, he still wanted to do it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please feel free to let me know what you think so far :) You can do so here in the comments or on my tumblr winterironspiderling</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Destruction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter has some difficulty keeping up his diet on the weekend.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter wished he could sleep in on Saturdays like most of the other teenagers he knew, but unfortunately his job had him up at 7. His shift was 8 to 2, so it wasn’t like he had to put in a full day, but it still sucked. The only consolation Peter had was that he worked in a place that had all the food he could eat. Mr. Delmar allowed employees one free sandwich per shift, and everything else was discounted by twenty-five percent—it was more than generous as far as Peter was concerned. He worked around the rules by eating sandwiches that were made by mistake instead of discarding them, and by pulling expired goods off the shelves while he stocked the small grocery aisle and the drink cooler. He had a good system going, and Mr. Delmar didn’t see a problem with giving expired things to Peter if they were going in the garbage anyway.</p><p>Usually, the job perks were enough to get Peter excited and out of bed—it was too early for him to have breakfast at home, so he usually ate as soon as he got to work—but now that he was “dieting”, the prospect of being surrounded by food just worried him. He wanted to think he was strong enough to resist the temptation to overeat, but he was so new at this and really had no experience controlling his urges.</p><p>There was an added layer of discomfort to the shift since Peter had been into the store twice the day before—once to get water for the gym and once to get snacks after the gym. Peter supposed most people tried not to frequent their workplace since they spent enough time there actually working, but apparently nothing stopped him from acquiring food. Luckily, he didn’t have to work with any of the staff that had seen him. Even if he did, he doubted they would’ve said anything, but it was bad enough that he knew what he’d done.</p><p> </p><p>Peter was reminded of Tony as soon as he walked into the store and saw Mr. Delmar holding Murph. The man had said he would like to see the cat sometime, but Peter was 99% sure that they were empty words. Peter had no idea where Tony lived and no idea if he worked at the gym Saturdays, but most likely Delmar’s would be out of his way. Still, Peter couldn’t help but look hopefully at the door every time a customer entered. None of them was Tony.</p><p>Peter was good all day; he ate the one free sandwich he was entitled to, and he bought one can of Coke—a can instead of bottle was a fair compromise, he thought. He saved no accidental sandwiches and no expired food from the shelves. He didn’t pick in the sandwich toppings or eat the bread that was too torn or stale to sell. He behaved, and he felt hopeful that he could keep it up for the entire weekend. Everyone always said weekends were the hardest, and he didn’t want that to be true for him. His small amount of success was inspiring him to keep it going.</p><p>Peter wasn’t going to act on the knowledge that he still had snacks left over from the night before. If he did, he knew he would try to justify eating more at work. <em>I didn’t even eat all of my snacks, see, I can control myself. I can have a few more things here and ration the rest of my stash to last the week. It won’t be a big deal. </em>Peter knew that’s how he’d sell it to himself.</p><p>He had overdone it—directly against Tony’s advice—and purchased several bags of candy, and more than a few chocolate bars the night before. He hadn’t been shy to add a few pepperoni sticks either. Peter had stuffed all of his spoils in his gym bag and texted May to tell her that he was on his way home. She never mentioned how long it had taken him and Peter was more than happy to keep the details to himself.</p><p>By the time he had changed into his pyjamas, gotten his homework back out, and sat at his desk, he barely wanted the shit, but he had some to make the trip worth his trouble. Resisting a full-on binge the night before had been an outlier in his eating history. He liked to think it had something to do with Tony’s and his conversation, but in the back of his mind, he knew he would end up decimating his food stash anyway—if he wanted food, his brain was always more than happy to find some sort of cheat code that allowed him to break his will and give in to temptation. It didn’t matter whether it was the moment food was put in front of him or after a few hours of wrestling with himself. He always ended up giving in.</p><p> </p><p>He tried to forget about the prospect of his failure while he worked, but preparing countless sandwiches for all the weekend customers made his struggle stay at the forefront of his mind. Some kid ordered three sandwiches just for himself because he couldn’t decide what he wanted, and he had had the nerve to sit outside the shop and eat them. Peter could see it through the window, and he wanted nothing more than to make three sandwiches for himself. He hated feeling envy over what other people got to eat. It made him feel pathetic.</p><p>2 rolled around, and Peter realized he had actually done it. He had gone his entire shift without overeating which Peter was ready to shrug off as no big deal—how hard was it not to eat, really? Despite all of the temptation surrounding him, he made it through the workday without succumbing to the food. Peter was starting to think that he had a chance.</p><p>All he had to do before he could go home was take the garbage out to the dumpster in the alley.</p><p>It was twice as heavy as it normally was.</p><p>“Holy shit, what is <em>in here</em>?”</p><p>He untied the bag to see if Mr. Delmar had tossed something away while he wasn’t looking, but all that was in the bag was sandwich waste, used gloves, and paper towels. Peter not eating the sandwiches customers didn’t want or couldn’t pay for had literally doubled the amount they had thrown away. It was almost too easy for Peter to make a comparison between himself and a garbage can. Had he really been eating <em>that much</em>? He was revolted.</p><p>Peter threw the bag into the dumpster and went back into the store to clock out.</p><p>Peter didn’t want to walk home because his feet hurt from standing on them all day, and his thighs had a lingering burn from the squats, but he forced himself to. Every little bit counted—walking an extra twenty minutes a day was 100 more calories burned. Peter was feeling more positive about the day with every step. He had his music playing, his homework was done, his shift was done, and he was on track for his daily calorie limit. No more treating his body like a dumpster. He had the entire weekend ahead of him to chill out, and then all he had to do was get through Monday, and then he would be able to present his food diary to Tony with pride, and they might even be able to discuss setting more goals.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Breakfast/Lunch: </strong>
</p><p>1 can of coke 150</p><p>1 large white bun 200</p><p>10 pickle slices 6</p><p>6 slices of ham 120</p><p>3 slices of turkey 75</p><p>2 tomato slices 10</p><p>2 slices of cheddar cheese 100</p><p>Mustard 0</p><p> </p><p>Peter was satisfied with being at 700 calories at that point in the afternoon; it was almost 3, so he just had to worry about dinner, and if he stuck to the guidelines of hovering right at maintenance calories or just below, that meant he had about 1700 calories left to work with, and even if he was “bad” and ate 1800, it would still be an amount that wouldn’t make him gain. No matter how Peter looked at it, the day was in the bag. Nothing to worry about.</p><p>When Peter walked into the apartment, his hopeful mood dissipated.</p><p>Ned was sitting on the couch with May, and they had takeout menus in hand.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>“Hey guys,” Peter said casually.</p><p>“How was work?” May smiled.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter decided. “What’s up?”</p><p>“I thought we could finish building the Death Star,” Ned suggested. “My mom gave me money for food too. May and I were thinking pizza.”</p><p>Pizza. Okay. Pizza was acceptable. Peter could control his portion size because the slices made it easy to calculate, and he could pick off toppings or not eat the crust if necessary, and if he avoided dipping sauce, it would all be fine. He still had a lot of calories left. It would be okay.</p><p>“Cool,” Peter agreed. “What time are we ordering it. Isn’t it kind of early?”</p><p>“Maybe 6?” May suggested.</p><p>“Yeah! After 6, I think it’s 2-for-1 breadsticks, and there might be a special on wings too.” Ned looked at Peter expectantly.</p><p>Peter was horrified. He could work with just pizza, but breadsticks with garlic, cheese, and marinara sauce, and <em>chicken wings—breaded and sauced—</em>Peter was only human. What the fuck was he supposed to do then?</p><p>Peter tried to estimate how many calories of damage he was looking at, but he was still too new at calorie counting to know for sure. He figured that a single slice of pizza couldn’t be more than 300, and that put a breadstick at roughly 100, and a chicken wing was probably close to that…so he figured he could have three slices of pizza, three wings, and three breadsticks, and some dipping sauce. He felt better having a plan of attack.</p><p>“Sounds good, man,” Peter recovered. “Tell your mom I said thanks.”</p><p>Ned nodded, seemingly unaware of the internal crisis Peter was having.</p><p>“Do you guys want anything to eat now?” May wondered. “A late lunch?”</p><p>Peter just shook his head—couldn’t she see that he was reaching his breaking point? It was hard enough saying no to himself, and now May was making him do it again.</p><p>“Sure, May,” Ned said. “Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter fled to his room with Ned before May could offer anything else. He hadn’t even paid attention to what she said she was going to make. It didn’t matter; he didn’t want it.</p><p>“So how was the lesson last night?” Ned sat on the bottom bunk of Peter’s bed, and Peter took the desk chair.</p><p>His skin prickled while he eyed the snacks under his desk, wondering if he should offer some to Ned. If Ned ate his stash, then he wouldn’t have to.</p><p>“Oh.” Peter ran a hand over his hair. “It was pretty good.”</p><p>“What’s your trainer making you do? Like jumping jacks and stuff?”</p><p>Peter huffed. “Squats.”</p><p>“Ew.” Ned cringed.</p><p>“I know, dude. They suck. We haven’t really been doing it long enough to get a real routine going, but for now, I guess we’re starting with a cardio warm up, and then a bunch of strength training. So squats, push-ups, planks, weight lifting…that sort of thing.”</p><p>“Have you lost any weight yet?” Ned asked.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” Peter admitted. “I eat too many calories.”</p><p>Ned nodded sympathetically, “Well we don’t have to order pizza, man. I don’t want to screw your diet up. We can get, I don’t know, Subway or something. That’s healthy, right?”</p><p>Peter appreciated it, but he wasn’t going to make a big scene. “It’s okay. Pizza’s fine. It’s not a big deal.”</p><p>“Okay,” Ned hesitated. “If you change your mind…seriously, we can get something else.”</p><p>Peter couldn’t explain why he didn’t take Ned up on the offer. If he had to narrow it down to one reason, it would probably be that he secretly wanted the pizza—of course he did—and if it was Ned’s idea, then it could be blamed on him. Peter could already feel that it was true. If he failed and went over his calories, he could justify it because <em>it was</em> <em>Ned’s idea…I didn’t even really want it.</em></p><p>Peter was still coming to terms with his impending failure when May came into the room with a grilled cheese sandwich for them both. Anger welled up in Peter’s chest when May set the plate down in front of him. Why was everyone sabotaging him? Tears burned his eyes as fought with himself, willing himself to decline the sandwich. Give it to Ned. Throw it away. <em>Anything. </em>Peter watched in simultaneous revulsion and envy when Ned bit into the sandwich without hesitation. Peter glared at the huge portion of pickles May had included on his plate. It was such a kind gesture, but Peter felt like he was being punished. Hadn’t she seen him shake his head no?</p><p>He lasted a minute before he gave in.</p><p>The room was silent except for sounds of chewing while he and Ned devoured their sandwiches. It was a familiar sound, and neither of them dared interrupt the other while they consumed their food. Talking and eating were separate activities. Peter didn’t want to be distracted from the act.</p><p>Peter emptied the plate and set it aside on his desk. Like a beast within him had been awakened, he zeroed in on his replenished snack stash. He didn’t hesitate before reaching for it except to think, <em>if I already screwed up, I might as well have more.</em></p><p>“Want some of this?” Peter asked, taking out the bin and showing Ned the contents.</p><p>It was nothing for them to eat almost the entire basket while they worked on the LEGO Death Star. Even after Ned tapped out, claiming he had to save some room for the pizza, Peter nursed a bag of M&amp;M’s.</p><p>He noted that if he was still going even after Ned had stopped, it probably meant that there was something wrong with him, but with the thrill of eating consuming his entire body and mind, he didn’t much care.</p><p>Peter went through the usual justifications and arguments while they waited for the pizza to be delivered, but it wasn’t like it had been the day before after Tony had intervened. There was no guilt attached to it this time. This was Bingeing Unleashed. The day before, he’d felt guilty and apprehensive before he’d even made it to Delmar’s to buy his destruction, but his will must’ve been weakened because this time there was no chance of pulling himself back from the ledge. It was happening, and he only felt gleeful.</p><p>
  <em>One cheat day won’t kill me. I have my whole life to diet…who cares? I’ll just have the pizza. How bad can it really be?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even if the diet doesn’t work out…won’t be the end of the world, right? I’ve lived this long being fat. It’s not that bad. Maybe I’m not meant to be thin, and that’s just the way it is. </em>
</p><p>He felt like Gollum with the Precious with the pizza, wings, breadsticks, and soda in front of him. No other thoughts entered his brain except more. He ate more of the food than Ned and May combined. He didn’t bother wondering what they thought about it, either.</p><p>The guilt came after.</p><p>Ned went home, and Peter was left to face the aftermath. Now that all the food was gone, his head was clear, and he could see the justifications he’d made for what they really were. Self-manipulation. His stomach was bursting, food threatening to come up the wrong way. There wasn’t a word harsh enough to describe how he felt. Disgust wasn’t enough. Revulsion was close. He wanted to die.</p><p>Peter bypassed May on the couch and returned to his room. He noted bitterly that she had only taken two pieces of pizza and hadn’t even eaten the crusts. Typical.</p><p>He looked at the empty pizza boxes, wrappers, and Coke cans scattered around his room. The empty plastic dipping containers that still held residual ranch dressing. The plates with barely a crumb left on them. The chicken bones sucked clean. The smell had gone from enticing to rancid quickly.</p><p>Peter considered omitting this from his food journal, but Tony had asked for honesty, and he felt so disgusted with himself that he craved the punishment and humiliation that would come from revealing his failure. Maybe it would be enough to make him never do it again.</p><p>He had no choice but to record it all. Peter added the grilled cheese and pickles to his list which didn’t look so bad in combination with his sandwich from work, but then he had to fill out the dinner section.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dinner:</strong>
</p><p>8 slices of pepperoni pizza with stuffed crust 2400</p><p>15 breaded honey garlic chicken wings 750</p><p>10 breadsticks with cheese 1000</p><p>3 ranch dips 270</p><p>3 cans of Coke 450</p><p>
  <strong>Snacks:</strong>
</p><p>1 Kit Kat bar 210</p><p>1 bag of M&amp;Ms 235</p><p>1 bag of Cool Ranch Doritos 300</p><p>1 bag of Skittles 230</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What have I done?</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Can I get uhhh F for Peter in the chat, please?</p><p>Also, a funny scene that portrays the regret one might feel after messing up their diet is in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Leo's character Rick Dalton forgets his lines because he spent all night drinking, and he throws a fit in his trailer berating himself for overdoing it. I highly recommend watching that scene on YouTube. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Redemption</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter's third lesson with Tony.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Briefly referenced self-harm in this chapter.</p><p>Also, posted two chapters again because why not. :]</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter felt like the failure was written all over him when he walked into the gym Tuesday evening. He was sure that someone would ask him about it or notice that he had fallen off the wagon, but nobody said anything. Peter wondered if everybody was just oblivious, or if he wasn’t as obvious as he thought he was.</p><p>Peter knew it didn’t make a difference what anyone else did or didn’t notice anyway because the person whose opinion mattered to him most was Tony. Even if Tony couldn’t see it on Peter, he would read the food diary and learn what Peter had done. The worst part was that Tony would probably show nothing but understanding, and if not empathy, then sympathy. Peter was disgusted at himself for putting Tony in this position. He deserved to be yelled at. Deserved to be called a fat failure. He wanted someone to teach him a lesson. If nobody else would, then he would have to do it himself.</p><p>Peter didn’t recognize the employee at the desk, so he gave a mini wave before signing in, and continued walking to the locker room to stow his bag. He wasn’t sure if Tony would be meeting him in the office or out on the floor, so he hung around the cardio area and hoped that Tony would show up soon.</p><p>When 5:29 came around, Peter was wondering if Tony had forgotten about him. He was gearing up to just start without the man when he walked by. Peter wondered if Tony would notice him waiting there—he imagined he would be pretty hard to miss since he took up so much space, but he was also a wallflower, so it was 50-50.</p><p>Tony made eye contact with Peter—to Peter’s relief. He turned and walked toward Peter instead of the office.</p><p>“Mr. Parker.”</p><p>Peter tried to be discreet while he looked Tony up and down. The man was wearing another tracksuit—Adidas this time and dark grey.</p><p>Peter smiled sheepishly, nothing but his food diary on his mind. “Hi, Tony.”</p><p>“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Tony said in wonder.</p><p>Peter had no idea what the man was talking about. What had Tony smiling like that? He looked down at his wardrobe to assess the situation. Was Tony laughing at something? Did he not like the t-shirt he had chosen?</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Peter tugged at his shirt. He felt awkward being stared at. It was a 2X, it wasn’t <em>that </em>tight.</p><p>Tony unzipped the jacket of his tracksuit to reveal the same t-shirt that Peter was wearing, but with a white background instead of black.</p><p>Peter was speechless. “I—.  You—? Wow.”</p><p>Tony zipped his jacket back up. “Rio by Duran Duran,” he mused. “You got good taste, kid. Unless of course you’re just wearing the shirt and actually have no idea about the music.”</p><p>“Who’s Duran Duran?” Peter frowned.</p><p>Tony’s smile dimmed.</p><p>Peter grinned after a moment. “Gotcha.”</p><p>Tony exhaled. “You scared me for a second there. I thought I was gonna have to throttle you.”</p><p>Peter laughed before moving on to compliment Tony. “You know, the white looks a hundred times better, but I usually go for the black since it’s supposed to be slimming.  I wish I could’ve gotten white, though, man. It looks…I don’t know. So crisp.”</p><p>Tony nodded with a quirk of his lips. “I wouldn’t worry. Black’s a great colour.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter followed Tony to the office, still marvelling at the coincidence of them even owning the same shirt, let alone them wearing it on the same day. Peter had never experienced such happenstance. He had only heard of the band because David Dobrik used their songs in some of his vlogs. He didn’t mention any of that to Tony, though, since he didn’t want to seem lame for not knowing about the band for any other reason. He didn’t want Tony to take back his compliment about him having good taste, either.</p><p>“Okay, what do we got,” Tony exhaled, grabbing the notebook from Peter’s hands before the boy even had a chance to object.</p><p>“Uhh…” Peter’s face crumpled.</p><p>Tony’s face softened. “That bad huh?”</p><p>Peter nodded without looking at Tony.</p><p>Tony took a moment to examine the pages before calmly setting the book down on the desk. He didn’t say anything while Peter squirmed.</p><p>Peter didn’t know if he should start explaining, or just take the book back. What was Tony thinking?</p><p>“On a scale of one to ten,” Tony finally spoke, “how guilty do you feel?”</p><p>“About that?” Peter gestured to his journal.</p><p>Tony nodded.</p><p>“A strong ten.”</p><p>“So what happened, Pete? Why did you do this?” Tony leaned forward in his chair. “I know we talked about this last time, so I thought I might see something in Friday's entry, but it looks like Saturday didn’t go so well for you.”</p><p>Peter sighed and shrugged simultaneously, holding up his hands. “Honestly? I never wanted this to happen…I was serious about getting better, and—and fixing this.” Peter gestured to his body. He looked away for a moment.</p><p>“I did so good in the beginning, you know? Friday, after we talked, I ended up going to Delmar’s, but I tried to do what you said. I didn’t overdo it…I bought a lot, but I didn’t eat it all. And I <em>knew</em> it was a mistake…and then the next day at work, I was so careful. You can see there…” Peter gestured to the journal again.</p><p>“It all went to shit at dinner time. I know it’s not an excuse. I know it was my choice to eat. But my friend Ned came over and wanted to order pizza, and then he mentioned the breadsticks, and the wings, and then May made me a grilled cheese that I didn’t want, and then I hated what I’d done, and it was like the snacks just caught my eye, and I… It all just got out of control, and I don’t even know…I’m really sorry.”</p><p>Tony listened patiently while Peter carried on. Peter could only imagine what Tony was thinking behind the façade of his sympathetic expression. The man was probably disappointed. Disgusted. Revolted. Peter imagined that Tony thought he was weak and undisciplined, and maybe irresponsible in that he couldn’t even take the whole blame for his mistake.</p><p>“I see that on Sunday and Monday you tried to fix the mistake,” Tony mused. “You were at a huge deficit.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “I had to do something. I never want to feel like that again.”</p><p>“Okay, I get why you’d restrict after a binge. It only makes sense, right? Cancel out the calories,” Tony explained. “But it’s not as good of an idea as it seems.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “Okay?”</p><p>“The best thing to do after a binge is just go right back to maintenance calories. Restricting yourself as a punishment only makes you want to do it again. That whole thing about how you want what you can’t have? You gotta break out of that cycle.”</p><p>Peter sighed. Easier said than done.</p><p>“So, I don’t wanna see you starve yourself after a slip-up. If you binge again, just restart. Get right back on track. No punishments. No restrictions.”</p><p>What?</p><p>“Okay?” Tony urged.</p><p>“All right,” Peter decided. It seemed counterintuitive. Shouldn’t he try to cancel out the damage he’d done stuffing his face by not having anything? Where did Tony come up with this stuff?</p><p>“Good,” Tony said. “The sooner you start treating yourself with some respect, the quicker this works. If all you expect from yourself is failure, then what do you think you’ll get?”</p><p>“Is that a rhetorical question?”</p><p>Tony sighed. “You’re scared you’re going to fail, like you have no control. You might want to succeed, but you aren’t setting yourself up for it by all this negative thinking. So by trying to gain control over the situation, you manufacture your own failure. Then you get to think ‘see, I was right, I suck’, instead of rooting for yourself and thinking you could succeed.”</p><p>“Am I wrong?” Tony added.</p><p>“No,” Peter admitted.</p><p>Tony took the notebook and ripped out all the pages that Peter had filled out. He tossed them in the recycle bin next to the desk.</p><p>“Forget this. Start over.” Tony shrugged.</p><p>“That’s it?” Peter asked. “I don’t understand.”</p><p>“What do you want me to do?” Tony inclined his head. “Tell you that you fucked up?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah, dude,” Peter nodded.</p><p>“First of all,” Tony warned. “Don’t call me dude.”</p><p>Peter froze.</p><p>“Second of all. You already know what you did. What good is criticizing you gonna do?”</p><p>Peter didn’t answer.</p><p>“You already identified all your bingeing triggers,” Tony explained. He touched his fingertips together to indicate he was about to refer to the first item on a list. “Social settings,” Tony listed, holding out a second finger. “Unplanned or surprise food.” Tony held out a third finger. “And habit.”</p><p>“Yeah, but—”</p><p>Tony continued without allowing Peter to interject. “You’re hanging out with your best friend. Your best friend who shares your appetite for food. Your aunt means well, and she brings you a snack, thinking you wanted it because you’ve never said no before. You break your routine, come to the gym, start counting calories…your body just received a big ‘fuck you’, so you start craving routine and familiarity. Going to your favourite place and getting some snacks is comfort.”</p><p>Peter shifted in his seat.</p><p>“These are the same problems we see over and over again, kid,” Tony shook his head. “This isn’t a setback. Now you know what to watch for.”</p><p>“Right,” Peter said quietly. “I can plan ahead…let May know not to accidentally sabotage me, ask Ned if we can make different arrangements for our hangouts…and as for Delmar’s…”</p><p>“That’s on you,” Tony said what Peter was thinking. “That’s down to sheer will power and your desire to stay out of there. Unless—”</p><p>“I can’t ask my coworkers not to sell to me,” Peter declined. “If they wouldn’t, and I wanted it bad enough…” God, he sounded like he was doing drugs or something.</p><p>“You’d go somewhere else,” Tony finished. “Okay, well we have a solid game plan for two out of three trouble zones. That’s not bad for your third lesson.”</p><p>Peter relaxed. “I just wanted to be, I don’t know, better. I wanted to decide to change and just have it happen. I didn’t want to fail.”</p><p>Tony sighed. “I get it. But, Peter, cut yourself some slack. Your goal was to monitor your usual calories, and to <em>try</em> to meet a limit that would maintain your weight—that was more for bonus points, anyway. You need to give yourself time to adapt to the change.”</p><p>Peter supposed that Tony was right, but it didn’t change what had happened.</p><p>“Anyway.” Tony waved. “Since it’s been a week since your first weigh-in, it’s time for the second one, and we’ll be taking new measurements for your file.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Oh come on.” Tony got up.</p><p>“Do we really need to do this?” Peter grimaced. “What happened to starting over? I mean, you saw the food diary. I obviously gained.”</p><p>“Even if that’s true, it’s part of the journey.”</p><p>Peter looked away.</p><p>“Do the math with me,” Tony said. “Since your last weigh-in on Tuesday, you’ve done about two hours of training, you’ve had two and a half days of a caloric deficit, and you walked home from your lesson on Friday.”</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure what Tony was getting at. “Walking somewhere once in a week is nothing,” Peter argued.</p><p>“Is it more walking than you did before?” Tony argued.</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Yes?” Tony assumed. “Then it’s not nothing. When someone your weight and age makes even the smallest of changes, it can have more of an effect than you think. <em>Especially </em>because you’re normally sedentary.”</p><p>Tony grabbed the measuring tape from its place on the desk. “I can’t make you get on the scale. If you say no, we’ll leave it blank in your progress charts. I’m telling you, though, you’re making a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be.”</p><p>Peter got up from the chair. “What if I gained?” He bit his lip, searching Tony’s eyes for answers.</p><p>“Could be water weight. Could be you ate a lot of carbs and your body is holding onto them. Could be you didn’t take a bathroom break today.”</p><p>“If it’s so variable, then why is it so necessary to record?” Peter argued.</p><p>“Smartass,” Tony scoffed. “Look, it’s part of the process. You get weighed and measured once a week. It’s nice to track progress—wouldn’t you think? Besides, weight is just data. Doesn’t mean much when isolated, but over time, you’ll see patterns.”</p><p>“I guess,” Peter conceded. He was putting up a fight, but he had already slipped off his shoes and headed to the scale.</p><p>Peter pretended he was anywhere but there—on a scale, having his weight exposed to Tony after the man had already seen how much pizza and wings could fit in that gut of his. Peter wanted to cry.</p><p>“I knew it,” Tony marvelled. “I told you.”</p><p>Peter kept his eyes closed. “What is it?”</p><p>“239,” Tony announced.</p><p>“What?” Peter opened his eyes.</p><p>“Down one pound.” Tony clapped his hands. “This is how it starts.”</p><p>“239 to go,” Peter muttered.</p><p>Peter regretted saying anything when he caught Tony looking at him with a weird expression. Peter hadn’t meant for Tony to hear it.</p><p>Tony frowned. “We can talk about how much more you have to go when we set a new goal for you. Until then, it’s the plan we have you on now. Eating enough to maintain or a bit less and making sure you’re tracking properly. Two sessions a week and light walking.”</p><p>Peter was glad that Tony hadn’t confronted him about the comment he had made.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter said.</p><p>“Measurements,” Tony said, folding the measuring tape in half, gripping it on both ends and pulling it so it would snap.</p><p>“Unnecessary.” Peter waved. “I already know it’s 36-24-36, just like Sir Mix A Lot suggests.”</p><p>Tony grinned. “I thought I detected an hourglass.”</p><p>Peter blushed, shaking his head. He was using humour to deflect from how shitty he felt about the whole thing, and he was pretty sure Tony could tell, but the man was letting him. Peter hoped that one day the prospect of weight and measurements would make him feel excited instead of terrified.</p><p>Once again, he zoned out while Tony did his thing. Tony used quick and sure hands to wrap the tape around his arms, chest, waist, hips, and thighs. Peter could barely feel it, and it was over quickly, but he was sweating as if he had just completed a workout. He was surprised the tape was big enough to fit around him. It was times like these he wished he could read minds—he wished he could hear the negative thoughts that Tony was undoubtedly thinking about him. If he could prove that Tony was disgusted with him, then he could put them both out of their misery and quit the lessons. He could go back to his comfort zone, and Tony could go back to training people who were barely ten pounds overweight, or skinny people who just wanted to get toned. <em>Whatever.</em></p><p>“Ready to get to it, then?” Tony asked. He had recorded everything in Peter’s binder and placed it on the desk with his food journal. “You can come back for the books after.”</p><p>“Sure,” Peter sighed. Might as well. With any luck, he could turn 239 into 238.</p><p> </p><p>Peter started to head for the elliptical, but Tony stopped him with a gentle, “Not today.”</p><p>Tony explained that they were only doing weights when he saw Peter’s confusion.</p><p>“It’s a misconception that cardio is the be all end all of exercising. Strength training is going to do wonders for you,” Tony promised.</p><p>Peter didn’t doubt Tony anyway, but once the man had him warm up with some dynamic stretches, jumping jacks, and skipping before completing a circuit designed to make his organs dissolve inside him, Peter believed the man wholeheartedly. There was no way something as hard as what he had just done could be ineffective. He could feel the fat melting off him.</p><p>Peter used his short break in between the first and second circuit to gulp down water. He noticed that Tony used the time to remove his jacket. His musculature was visible under the white shirt, and Peter was full of envy. He didn’t look anything close to that in his stupid t-shirt. Tony was all tanned and toned, perfectly accentuated by the fit and colour of the shirt. Peter looked like an uncooked sausage in his.</p><p>“Do you have abs?” Peter blurted.</p><p>“Everyone has abs.”</p><p>“Yeah, but like ab abs,” Peter clarified. He hid his embarrassment by sipping on his water.</p><p>Tony grabbed the bottom of his shirt with one hand and lifted it up to just beneath his pecs.</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure if Tony looked smug or just amused, but he wasn’t really looking at the man’s face either way. He was almost positive his mouth popped open.</p><p>“Disgusting. Conceal yourself.”</p><p>Tony and Peter looked to the voice at the same time.</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure who the woman was, but she looked terrifying. She towered over him, and she was completely bald. She had the fiercest expression he had ever seen. Peter tried to recall the list of trainers Bucky had mentioned, but he couldn’t remember specific names. Was this one of them? Or was she just a fellow gym-goer? Regardless, Peter didn’t understand how someone could possibly refer to Tony as disgusting or anything close to it.</p><p>Tony lowered his shirt. “Shouldn’t you be in class? Abusing a punching bag…or a gym member?”</p><p>“I am where I’m supposed to be. You’re showing off in front of the infant.”</p><p>“He’s the one who asked to see.” Tony pointed at Peter.</p><p>Peter wasn’t happy at being thrown under the bus or being called an infant, but if the woman and Tony were close enough to have a joking relationship, then Peter supposed it was all in jest.</p><p>“If lifting up his shirt is showing off how come you said ‘disgusting’?” Peter joked. He was always awkward around new people; he never knew if he should go for confident or just be quiet. This woman seemed to have attitude and to appreciate verbal sparring, so Peter figured he should act comfortable—as if they were already friends.</p><p>Tony smiled victoriously. “Yeah! How about that?”</p><p>“Who are you?” The woman crossed her arms, her face like stone.</p><p>“I’m Peter.”</p><p>She only nodded once, casting a lingering look at Tony before walking away. Peter wondered if he was that much of a loser that Tony and his co-worker were smirking knowingly at each other right in front of his face. Maybe he should have just kept quiet instead of trying to be funny.</p><p>“Who was she?” Peter asked, trying to distract himself from his discomfort.</p><p>“A pain in my ass masquerading as a kickboxer named Nebula of all things."</p><p>“She is absolutely terrifying,” Peter admitted.</p><p>Tony laughed, “She scares me too, but underneath that…she’s still scary. I think she liked you, though.”</p><p>“She called me an infant,” Peter disagreed.</p><p>“Exactly. Not the meanest thing I’ve heard her say.” Tony winked.</p><p>Peter laughed, but then Tony had him get back to doing the circuit, and he couldn’t think of anything but the exercise.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Tony was finally done with Peter, he could barely walk. The only motivation he had to keep moving his legs was the promise of a shower. Peter wasn’t sure what the plan was for this particular session; it seemed that sometimes Tony wanted to meet him in the office for supplementary discussion, but sometimes he didn’t have anything to say. Peter wondered which it would be that evening. He had to go back to the office to grab his books, but he didn’t know if Tony would be in there when he did.</p><p>Peter decided just to head to the locker room. If Tony wanted to talk with him, he could catch up with him after he rinsed off. Sweat was pouring out of every crevice, and he was more than uncomfortable.</p><p>Peter took his time in the shower, thinking about Tony and his progress, and how despite his failure over the weekend, he was still able to lose one pound. Peter considered how much he could lose if he put his mind to the task and tried as hard as he could to eat less and better, and to exercise consistently. One pound was the start. He actually felt hopeful that Tony could help him become fit, and that he could do his part to meet Tony halfway.</p><p>Peter ran his hands over his belly, grabbing it from underneath. He glanced side to side to view his thick arms, and then down to his thighs. The angry, red cuts that he’d given himself mocked him. The punishment for his failure that had only succeeded in making him feel weaker. He was glad there was no mirror in the shower, so he couldn’t see his face or his back. Peter didn’t let his hope escape him, but he was aware of how much work he still had to do to reach his goals. One pound was not going to cut it. Not by a longshot.</p><p>He stayed beneath the water for a few more moments, trying to sort out his thoughts. The hardest part of the whole thing was not being able to eat what he wanted. Every time his stomach rumbled, his immediate thought was <em>good let’s see what there is around here to eat</em>, but then his brain would catch up with his stomach, and there was nothing left but panic <em>how much can I eat? How many calories is this? If I have one of these, will I be able to stop? </em>Peter felt like he couldn’t trust himself around food, and he felt like it would be easier to eat nothing than it would to moderate his portions.</p><p>Peter deliberated over what he should eat for dinner, probably long enough to be considered excessive. He was scared to leave the shower, just like he had been scared to leave the gym on Friday. What failures lied in his future? How many times would he have a repeat of Saturday? Peter wanted desperately to say <em>never again</em>, but he knew it was unrealistic to think he was changed because of some exercise and a chat with Tony. He wanted to cry. <em>What am I supposed to—</em></p><p>“Pete, you still in here?”</p><p>Peter turned toward the shower curtain instinctively to face his addresser but felt exposed, so he covered his dick with his hands. Somehow, he felt as if Tony could see him.</p><p>“Uhm, yeah?” He squeaked. “Sorry. Tony. I didn’t know you were waiting.” Peter held his breath. He would have shut off the water immediately and come out, but Tony had seen way too much of him in his towel, and he wanted to limit any future sightings.</p><p>“Take your time, kid. Meet me in the office when you’re done.”</p><p>“Okay. Uhm, sorry again.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “No skin off my back.”</p><p>Peter turned off the water, listening carefully to hear if Tony was still near the showers.</p><p>“Tony?” Peter asked quietly. “Are you there?”</p><p>Peter, satisfied when there was no response, finally emerged. He dressed quickly, ignoring the soreness of his body momentarily so that he could put on a fresh outfit.</p><p> </p><p>“Tony?” Peter entered the office. Tony was clearly not there.</p><p>Peter sat down anyway, setting his backpack at his feet. He was sure Tony would be in shortly. He was just zoning back into his last train of thought about being a failure when Tony showed up.</p><p>“Satisfied?” Tony asked before sitting down.</p><p>“Hmm? About what?”</p><p>“Good shower?” Tony clarified.</p><p>“Oh. Uh, absolutely. You know. Great water pressure.”</p><p>Tony smirked. “Anyway, didn’t mean to cut it short, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss you. There are things I wanted to go over.”</p><p>“Go over? Yeah. Okay.” Peter nodded. “What’s up?”</p><p>“Like we’ve already discussed, you gotta eat. You can’t just give up food, but now we know some of your triggers. Eating with friends, eating out of habit, et cetera. So I want you to come up with some strategies that can help you resist the urge to overdo it.”</p><p>Peter bit his lip.</p><p>“I wrote down the basics for you,” Tony explained, sliding a piece of paper over to Peter. “Go for a walk, go to sleep, talk to a friend, drink water…”</p><p>Peter looked at Tony while the man read from the list. Tony looked up and caught him. Peter averted his eyes.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter said. “I can try those.”</p><p>“Before Friday, I want you to add to the list,” Tony instructed. “Make it personal. Things that you like to do or want to do that could actually help. Not just random suggestions you find on the Internet.”</p><p>Peter hid a grimace. The stinging on his thighs reminded him of one strategy he already employed, but he didn’t think Tony would like that being on the list. Besides, it never prevented anything. It was just a punishment.</p><p>“Sure,” Peter agreed. He doubted he would be able to think of any—if he knew how to avoid bingeing, he wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. Even if he could think of any, he doubted he would be able to stick to them. When he got going, there was no stopping him. Nothing anyone could say to him, and especially not anything he could say to himself would stop him from satisfying a craving. Couldn’t Tony see how weak he was? There were no solutions.</p><p>“And,” Tony added, pointing to the top of the page, “if you really feel like you’re out of control, you can text me. Or call, but you seem like more of a texter.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes followed Tony’s finger to where he pointed at the phone number written next to his initials <em>T.S. </em></p><p>“Are you serious? I would never want to bother you,” Peter protested. “You don’t have to—”</p><p>“I know I don’t have to,” Tony agreed. “And you don’t have to use it. It’s there if you have no other options. In case of emergencies, you could say.”</p><p>“I really appreciate it. Thank you, Tony.”</p><p>“Sure,” Tony said easily. “Anything else before you go?”</p><p>“Uhm, should I give you my number just in case there’s like more assignments you want me to do, or something. Or if you need to reschedule, or… I don’t know, I guess it’s in my file, but that’s the house phone, not my cell. Or—”</p><p>“Write it down. I’ll take it.”</p><p>“Oh. Really? Yeah, okay,” Peter sputtered. He didn’t think Tony would actually want it. Peter wrote his own cell phone number at the bottom of the page Tony had given him and ripped it off.</p><p>“Superb,” Tony commented, pocketing the paper. “So add at least ten strategies to avoid bingeing to the list, and I’ll see you Friday.”</p><p>“Okay, bye.” Peter smiled bashfully. He focused on getting himself out of the chair as smoothly as possible. He hated leaving rooms first because it meant that eyes were on him while he left. <em>Ugh, Tony’s poor eyes.</em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Tony took a few minutes to himself after Peter left. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, intending to add Peter’s phone number to his contact list before he forgot. That would be typical. Get Peter’s number and lose the damn paper, and then he would either have to admit what happened or let Peter text him first and hope it wasn’t an ambiguous message so that he could tell who it was. Tony had learned over the years it was best just to get things done before something went wrong.</p><p>As soon as he pressed his thumb to the fingerprint reader, the homescreen came to life and listed over twenty notifications.</p><p>“Can’t anyone leave me alone for one hour of my goddamn life?” Tony hissed.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Pepper: Why aren’t you answering your phone?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pepper: Tony, can you explain to me why you missed another dinner meeting?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pepper: If you’re falling behind, we’ll need to hire you another assistant. Call me.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Rhodey: Hey man, what’s happening? I got some time off late April, early May if you wanna     <br/>
             come to DC for a few days. Let me know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rhodey: P.S. I don’t miss you or anything. Just need to see if you got uglier. ;)</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Happy: I’m taking the rest of the night off. Your dry cleaning is at headquarters.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Happy: Pep is looking for you. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Hill: The summer retreat is less than 4 months away. I need okays for several expenditures.<br/>
        Pepper gave her signature, just waiting on yours. Call ASAP.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Shuri: New building going up on Park Ave. Want in? We have to move fa$t. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Ratchet: Got any new jobs for me, hotshot? Business is dry out here.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Tony powered through the most important texts first.</p><p>He told Rhodey that he would love to see him, and they could hash out the details once he checked his schedule.</p><p>He was never one to miss an opportunity to expand his financial portfolio. Shuri was second. She hadn’t let him down once when it came to scouting real estate to either purchase or invest in.</p><p>His mechanic-slash-electrician-slash-maintenance guy Ratchet was next. He did the best work Tony had ever seen, and most of the buildings he owned—whether fitness, commercial, or residential related—relied on Ratchet’s team. They’d been working together for so long, and Tony was so used to calling the guy Ratchet that he didn’t even remember the guy’s real name. <em>Rocko or something?</em></p><p>Pepper and Happy could be handled together, so he decided to call Happy first to avoid Pepper’s wrath, and to annoy Happy who wanted the rest of the night off. Served him right.</p><p>Happy picked up after several rings. “I told you I was taking the night off, Tony. What’s going on with you? Pepper’s going nuts over here.”</p><p>“What dry cleaning did you pick up?”</p><p>“The, uh. The suit. You wore it to that wedding last week? Hammer and Everhart?”</p><p>“Oh, Jesus Christ, why didn’t you just throw that out? Donate it.”</p><p>“It’s Tom Ford, you can wear it again. You probably got another one coming up, anyways.”</p><p>“Is that your way of telling me you and Pepper are getting divorced and she’s remarrying?”</p><p>“Why don’t you ask her? I’m off duty anyway.”</p><p>“You’re never off duty, Hogan, and I’m good. You two can rest assured that I’m not dead—yet. I was in and out of meetings all day. Shuri’s got some hot property ready for me.”</p><p>“How many buildings are you going to buy?” Happy complained. “Pretty soon you’re going to own all of New York.”</p><p>“That’s the plan. Anyway, what dinner did I miss?”</p><p>“You were supposed to meet, hold on a second, I gotta check my—what? No, it’s Tony. Hold on.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes, muttering to himself. Sometimes he wondered if all the money was worth being haggled all the time by every single person who had his phone number.</p><p>“Pepper says it was a meeting with the HR team to go over expenses for the retreat.”</p><p>“I am gonna go ballistic. I—How many times do I need to be texted for the same thing? I got Hill, Pepper, and you all up my ass about a <em>signature </em>for something <em>four months from now</em>? Forge it.”</p><p>“You know Hill’s a stickler.”</p><p>“Well why do I need to sign over dinner? Fax it to me. It’s a piece of paper. Email it. Problem solve.” Tony snapped his fingers into the phone.</p><p>“We don’t know where you are half the time,” Pepper spoke. “How can we fax it without an address? Or email it if you don’t have a means to print it?” She asked calmly.</p><p>“Fax anything you need me to see to every fax machine I own in the city. Probability says that I will probably be near one of them at any given time.”</p><p>“Which one were you near tonight?” Pepper asked. "I know for a fact you had no other meetings after 4, besides the one you missed, of course."</p><p>Tony guessed he wouldn’t be hearing from Happy again.</p><p>“Forest Hills, I think?” Tony said. “I was at so many meetings…can’t really remember. It's all blurring together.” He pulled the paper with Peter’s number on it and played with it in his free hand.</p><p>“What’s in Queens?” Pepper asked. “You can’t play favourites with your employees and properties like that, Tony. Just because you’re buddies with most of the staff—”</p><p>“What’s the point of being the boss if I can’t delegate all my tasks to you and be left alone?” Tony interrupted.</p><p>“You can absolutely do that, and you do ninety percent of the time. We only bother you because you neglect and neglect until everything’s piled up. We can’t handle everything we handle plus your ten percent.”</p><p>“Fine, fine,” Tony sighed. “Okay. Just—email me the documents. I’m heading home. I’ll make tomorrow an office day and handle everything.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Pepper offered.</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony responded. “I’m hanging up now before you start talking to me about next year’s problems.”</p><p>“Fair enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Tony pulled at his hair. Peter Parker must’ve been sweating out pure pheromones because Tony never put anyone above his work. Taking the half hour to drive to Queens, the hour to coach Peter, the half hour to chat with him after, and the half hour to drive back to Manhattan was eating into some serious work time, and he still didn’t feel like he was doing the wrong thing. Tony guessed he should just take Pepper’s advice and hire a new assistant. Divvy up the work. Maybe he could start getting up earlier too to make up for the missed dinner stuff. He’d have to start suggesting breakfast meetings.</p><p>He resented being accused of neglecting things, though, just because he didn’t foam at the mouth to go to unnecessary dinners and meetings. Pepper and the rest of his employees could handle the day-to-day business operations, and he brought in the money and the ideas. What more did they want from him? Bugging him over a stupid signature. It was ridiculous.</p><p>Tony took a moment to breathe his stresses away, and then he finally got to do what he’d wanted to do in the first place—add Peter’s number to his phone. It was just one number in a long list of acquaintances, friends, and colleagues, but he couldn’t remember being this satisfied to acquire any of the other numbers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The Duran Duran shirt I'm talking about was the one Bruce Banner borrowed from the Quinjet in Thor: Ragnarok. (I am nothing without my pop culture references.)</p><p>And David Dobrik deserved a shoutout because he stans Iron Man and fanboyed over RDJ once. (plus he's cute)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Deviation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The days between Peter's third and fourth lesson with Tony.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey, Peter,” Ned greeted cheerfully before first bell.</p><p>“Hey, buddy,” Peter responded to his best friend with their special handshake.</p><p>MJ joined them a moment later. “It’s Wednesday, my dudes.”</p><p>“Vibe check,” Peter replied.</p><p>“It’s barely past 8AM. Vibes don’t exist yet.”</p><p>Ned grinned. “My vibes are great, actually. Betty has agreed to accompany me to the cinema this eve.” Ned tipped an imaginary hat and gave his friends two thumbs up.</p><p>“Nice one,” MJ offered. “She’s cute.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “Congrats.”</p><p>“Thanks, guys.” Ned smiled.</p><p>“What about me and Peter?” MJ added with a pout. “Who are we supposed to date?”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. “You can date whoever you want…I’m the human embodiment of a stop sign within the dating community.”</p><p>MJ rolled her eyes. “Wouldn’t that be a good thing?</p><p>Peter frowned. “You’re right…maybe I’m a U-turn sign then. People see me and turn around.”</p><p>Ned huffed. “So, a green light would be bad in this situation because people see you and just keep going?”</p><p>MJ nodded. “Exactly. So that makes me—”</p><p>“Road work ahead,” Peter joked.</p><p>“Dude,” MJ said. “That Vine is so overrated. You have no taste.”</p><p>“Or,” Peter laughed, ignoring her, “no trespassing.”</p><p>MJ nodded appreciatively. “Better.”</p><p>Ned sighed, “This has gone on long enough. I’ll see you guys later.”</p><p>“Oh come on,” MJ complained. “This is the new horoscope. ‘What sign are you—actual sign edition’.”</p><p>Ned smiled mockingly. “Yeah…I think you guys are really onto something.”</p><p>“All right, see ya, Ned,” Peter said. “Good talk!”</p><p> “I’ll keep you apprised of any developments between Betty and I,” Ned added.</p><p>“Betty and me,” MJ corrected as Ned walked away.</p><p>Peter closed his locker and headed off to first period with MJ. The whole thing had been a joke, but the prospect of dating had gotten under his skin. He kept thinking of different signs that might symbolize his role in the dating pool all throughout class, knowing full well he was taking the entire thing way too seriously.</p><p>The entire conversation reminded him of how out of his depth he was even thinking people like Tony were attractive. It could never lead anywhere. People like Tony ended up with people like Bucky, and that was just the way things were. In the rare circumstance that Peter saw couples whose physique differed, it was always commented on—even he was guilty of doing it. He tried to imagine himself next to someone like Tony. It was a ridiculous and indulgent thought, but he could be good at indulging.</p><p>He’d never considered dating as a possibility for himself, and he still didn’t, but if he lost enough weight, maybe eventually he would have to. Peter’s stomach twisted at the thought. Dating sounded like an anxiety-inducing activity at best and a life-ruining one at worst. In a strange way, it made him relieved that he had so much weight to lose—it meant he could go longer without worrying about relationships.</p><p> </p><p>Peter decided that a good time to add to his list of binge-avoiding strategies was the period before lunch since his mind was already buzzing with road sign comparisons and the prospect of eating. His focus for schoolwork was shot for the day.  He read over the strategies Tony had already written for the millionth time:</p><p>
  <em>Go for a walk</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Go to sleep</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Talk to someone for support</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Drink water</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Write a list of the reasons you joined the gym/started this journey</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Clean your room</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wait 20 minutes (put some distance between you and the urge)</em>
</p><p>Peter knew they were just a start, but he doubted he could think of many more than what was on the page. Every time he went to add to the points Tony had made, he wondered if they were too stupid. Everything he thought of seemed underwhelming. So did Tony’s, truthfully. What strategy could he possibly use that would work in the face of the binge impulse?</p><p>He considered Tony’s advice of going to sleep, but how would he be able to fall asleep if he was jonesing for a Twinkie?</p><p>Watching Netflix or YouTube to distract himself seemed silly because watching videos made him want to snack—especially when his viewing history consisted of mukbangs, food challenges, and illegally uploaded episodes of My 600-lb Life.</p><p>Peter frowned. <em>Stop making excuses for yourself. Every strategy can work if you really want it to.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Watch YouTube/Netflix</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Scroll Instagram</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Read</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Go to a thrift store (no food for sale)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Take the garbage out</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Take a shower</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brush my teeth</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eat something healthy/low-cal like celery, carrots, cucumbers, pickles, grapes etc.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Go to the gym</em>
</p><p>He considered writing <em>call/text Tony </em>on the list for almost the entire period before he actually gathered the courage to do it. It seemed redundant since talking to someone for support was already listed, but Tony was his trainer—it was different.</p><p>Peter was satisfied that it was even an option. He still hadn’t added Tony to his contacts, and he wasn’t sure why. He knew Tony giving him his number didn’t <em>mean </em>anything, but it still felt special to have. Plus, Peter wanted to take a moment to enjoy the process and select the proper emojis to put next to Tony's name.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Writing down his strategies to avoid bingeing inspired Peter more than he thought they would; he decided to go to the gym that evening despite not having any lesson scheduled.</p><p>Peter was surprised to find that he was more nervous to go to the gym this time than he had been for his first lesson. Peter attributed it to knowing that he was on his own for this one. No Tony to back him up. Also, he wasn’t sure if Tony was going to be there. What if Tony questioned why he was working out on his own when he hadn’t been instructed to, or what if Tony made a big deal of his efforts just like when May had congratulated him on walking to the gym?</p><p>Peter didn’t want to be praised for doing the bare minimum. Even worse, Peter thought, would be if Tony was there training someone else. Peter knew that he had no claim to the man, and that being jealous would be unreasonable, but he couldn’t help it. If Tony was training someone else, Peter would be fixated on their body type or their fitness level; he didn’t want to compare himself to anyone else when he knew he would be the loser every time.</p><p> </p><p>Besides Tony, the only staff Peter had personally interacted with was Bucky, Nebula, and Steve. He’d seen a few others walking around or manning the desk, but that was it. From his experience, nobody that worked at Iron Fitness was that intimidating beyond their physical appearance (except Nebula), so Peter didn’t feel nervous when he saw a stranger staring at him from behind the computer at the front desk.</p><p>“Hey,” the red-haired woman greeted. “I haven’t seen you around here before. You new?”</p><p>“Hi,” Peter replied. “Yeah. Really new.”</p><p>“Okay, just scan your card and check in.”</p><p>Peter already knew the process, but he followed her instructions without objection.</p><p>“Peter Parker?” The woman commented.</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“I’m Natasha.”</p><p>“Cool. Nice to meet you,” Peter offered. He thought he remembered Bucky mentioning her. He noted that he should definitely check the staff bulletin board when he had a chance. He didn’t know anyone, and he kept getting caught off guard.</p><p>“What’s your specialty, again?” Peter added.</p><p>“Self-defense.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. I can’t take classes, otherwise I might try that.” He doubted he’d ever step foot in a class regardless of his membership status. That would be just what he needed—falling behind and looking foolish like he already did in phys-ed at school. No thanks.</p><p>“I won’t tell if you won’t,” she hinted. “If you ever want to join in. Feel free.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Peter smiled. <em>Everyone here is so nice.</em></p><p>“So how are you liking the gym so far?” Natasha leaned back in the chair.</p><p>Peter hadn’t expected that checking into the gym would turn into a conversation, but he didn’t mind it. Natasha seemed nice, so talking to her wasn’t that bad.</p><p>“It’s good.” Peter shrugged. “It’s hard because I’m…you know, not in the best shape, but it’s fine. How long have you worked here?”</p><p>Natasha gave Peter a once over after he had finished speaking. Peter shifted his weight while he waited for her to respond.</p><p>“A few years,” she replied vaguely. “Are you training with anybody this evening, or are you going solo?”</p><p>“I usually train with Tony, but we don’t have an appointment today,” Peter explained, cringing at his use of the word ‘usually’ when he had only been there three times. He resisted asking if Tony was there; he would find out soon enough.</p><p>“You train with Tony,” Natasha repeated, raising her eyebrows slightly. “How are you liking that? Are your needs being met?”</p><p>Peter wanted to smirk at the question. Had she made it sound suggestive on purpose?</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Peter responded. “He’s the real deal.”</p><p>Natasha grinned. “Okay, I’ll let you go. If you need any help, Bucky and Sam are on the floor, and if you need someone better, come get me.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Peter smiled. “See ya.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>After Peter did the circuit Tony had last showed him, Peter walked back to his and May’s apartment for the cool off instead of staying and suffering on the treadmill. It wasn’t a ground-breaking workout, and he didn’t feel like he’d done anything particularly special, but maybe that was a good thing. He wanted fitness to become a routine, something that seemed normal for him to do; he felt proud and accomplished, sure, but he didn’t want to be congratulated for it, either. May being so elated the time he had walked to the gym instead of waiting for her to drive him had left a bad taste in his mouth. He thought about it constantly.</p><p>He let himself enjoy the walk home and considered making a workout playlist to listen to when Tony wasn’t with him. During lessons he needed to hear what Tony was saying, and the music that played at the gym was okay for background, but Peter preferred his own taste.</p><p>Peter anticipated Tuesday’s upcoming weigh-in again and envisioned Tony’s possible reactions. He hoped his efforts would make a difference. Peter figured if he lost weight it would make Tony happy since it would show his time wasn’t being wasted, and if he didn’t, Tony wouldn’t be super upset about that either since he got paid regardless.</p><p>He fantasized about what it might be like to succeed—not just drop five pounds before he inevitably gained it back, but to get down to under 200. He liked to think he would be satisfied with that, but he couldn’t think about that yet. The final goal was too overwhelming. He had to focus on not eating other people’s cast-offs, keeping a meticulous food journal, and preventing binges for now. He wouldn’t get ahead of himself and screw it up.</p><p>Peter’s mood declined as soon as he started to overthink. What if he didn’t lose anything? What if he lost another pound, but Tony wasn’t satisfied? Even in that state of mind, he could admit that was unrealistic—whenever Peter succeeded at anything, the reaction he got from everyone was surprise; however, Tony’s reaction to his successes at the gym felt like met expectations, like there had never been any doubt from Tony that Peter could do it.</p><p>Maybe he did want to be congratulated after all. By Tony. Something about how the man worked with him felt different than how others treated him. What he’d told Natasha about Tony was accurate: Tony was the real deal. The part of himself that anticipated negative reactions on Tony’s behalf was getting quieter. He wished it would shut up altogether, but that would be a miracle.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he walked into the apartment, he expected May to hound him about his deviation from the normal routine of school, home, eat non-stop, shower, bed, but she just asked him how school was and where he’d been.</p><p>“I went to the gym.” Peter tested her.</p><p>“Yeah? I didn’t know you and Tony had a lesson today.”</p><p>“No, the next one isn’t until Friday.”</p><p>“You went alone?”</p><p>“Yes,” Peter said, bracing himself to become defensive.</p><p>“That’s great. Hey, do you mind coming to the grocery store with me? I want to try this new recipe for vegan lasagna, and we’ll need some things.”</p><p>Peter had to repeat what May asked him in his head a few times before he realized she had changed the subject. He bristled. He had been so busy anticipating having to prove that his going to the gym wasn’t a big deal, that he wasn’t prepared for May being on the same page.</p><p>“Wait. You’re not going to make a big deal out of it?” Peter asked.</p><p>“Big deal out of what? You going to the gym?” May said.</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“No. I’m glad you’re enjoying it so much. It makes me happy that you’re interested in a new hobby and making new friends. Why, should it be a big deal?”</p><p>“Well, no,” Peter decided. “Just last time I went you said it was amazing that I walked.”</p><p>“It is amazing.”</p><p>“Is it?” Peter argued. “Are you amazed that I can move my legs?”</p><p>May eyed him. “Maybe amazing was the wrong word. I just meant that it was good that you were so excited to get there that you didn’t wait for me. Should I be mad instead?”</p><p>Peter frowned. “I guess not.”</p><p>May got up from the couch and walked over to him. She ruffled his hair. “Peter, when are you going to realize that the only person out to get you is yourself?”</p><p>Peter shrugged. He wasn’t sure that was actually true.</p><p>May sighed. “Stop looking for reasons to be unhappy because you’ll find them. Okay? Just come with me to the store, and then we’ll come back, and I’ll make the lasagna, and you can pretend to like it, and then we can start a new show on Netflix. Sex Ed? I think that’s what it’s called. The girls at work—”</p><p>“Oh my God. I am not watching Sex Education with you,” Peter protested. “That’s where I draw the line.”</p><p>“I know.” May grinned. “I was just teasing.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s mood improved after his discussion with May, but as usual his entire life was a roller-coaster ride of emotion. As soon as they got to the grocery store, Peter was anxious again. Endless aisles with food beckoned him.</p><p>“So, what is it that we needed?” Peter asked May while he grabbed a basket.</p><p>The basket instead of a cart was already a good start, but he didn’t know if that would be enough for him to control himself.</p><p>“Eggplant, mushrooms, tomato sauce, and any other vegetable, really,” May listed. She had a deranged expression behind her glasses that Peter recognized as her creative juices flowing. He was definitely not going to like the lasagna she was concocting. Not because it was vegan but because May was a dangerous cook.</p><p>He hated to waste calories on gross food, but he didn’t want to cause a fuss either.</p><p>May read his mind. “We can get you something different just in case.”</p><p>Peter smiled in relief and went to peruse the produce section. Maybe he wasn’t going to be interested in a salad, but it wouldn’t hurt to have a few things on hand. A video he’d watched on YouTube said to try and think of it as adding more to his diet instead of taking away—if he ate more vegetables, then he’d have less room for sweets, but he’d still technically be eating more for less calories. He grabbed a bag of baby carrots and noted that he’d have to grab a bottle of ranch dressing to go with it. Salad dressing wasn’t the healthiest food, but carrots and dip instead of chips with dip was already progress for him, and like Tony said, he didn’t have to change all at once.</p><p>He and May browsed separately, and then met up near the cash registers. Peter smiled when he saw that May had grabbed them both reusable water bottles.</p><p>“They match,” May said. “You can pick between blue with red stripes or the red with blue polka dots.”</p><p>“Cool, thanks.” Peter meant it. “I’ll take the stripes.”</p><p>“Good. I wanted the polka dots.” May nudged him playfully.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter rolled with the momentum of his first solo-session and decided to visit the gym again on Thursday after Decathlon practice. He knew that motivation came and went, so he didn’t want to waste the opportunity to exercise when he actually felt like it. It was something else that Tony had said to him during one of their lessons together. If you wait until you’re motivated to do something, or if you expect to be consistently motivated from day one and on, you’re setting yourself up to fail. Grit and determination were much easier to count on than motivation because it meant working towards achieving your goal no matter what you felt in the moment.</p><p>Peter knew Tuesday would come quickly. He pushed himself to work out harder when he thought of the number on the scale displaying 238, or even 237 if he was lucky. He imagined Tony congratulating him for the weight loss, and of course Tony would reiterate that the number wasn’t the only thing that dictated progress—a higher number didn’t mean failure—but Peter still wanted to see the look on Tony’s face when he lost more. Maybe May was right; he could let people be happy for him and he could stop actively searching for reasons to be miserable.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you again for your support on this story! Many have reached out to say they struggle with some of the things portrayed here, and I just wanted to say you're definitely not alone. I'm proud of you whether you've overcome your challenges, or if you're still struggling with them. Having issues with food or body image isn't something that can just go away by "eating less and exercising more". (In fact, those two things can potentially be the worst advice you could ever hear.) There's more going on behind the scenes than people realize, and just know that I get it, and I understand. </p><p>Anyway, I know not everybody comments or leaves kudos, and maybe you won't read anything beyond this chapter, but thank you for clicking on the story and checking it out anyway. I first conceptualized this story in 2018, and it's all finally coming together, and it was getting written no matter what, so all the positive comments on here is a bonus...a truly meaningful bonus.</p><p>Take care, everyone.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Realization</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter's fourth lesson with Tony.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter felt good about going to the gym for his fourth lesson after having worked out on the Wednesday and Thursday since Tony had deemed them his rest days. He had sort of shot himself in the foot since he was going to be sore, but he wanted to strike while the iron was hot. If he was inspired and motivated, he wasn’t going to waste it. If he kept at it, he knew he would start looking more toned eventually—even if it took years.</p><p>Peter hurried in the locker room, stowing his gym bag and grabbing the new water bottle May had bought for him. He was eager to get started, and maybe secretly looking forward to seeing Tony as well. Just because Tony was with Bucky didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends, or that he couldn’t objectively appreciate the man’s physique. It was good inspiration.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, kid.” Tony was still chatting with someone at the front desk like he had been when Peter had walked in. Peter had hustled by the man without saying anything. This time he approached Tony, giving a small wave to the guy behind the desk. The man was absolutely huge. Like absurdly huge.</p><p>“Met Thor yet?” Tony asked when Peter didn’t introduce himself.</p><p>Peter shook his head. “Thor? Like the god?”</p><p>Thor nodded appreciatively and stood up. “Exactly like the god. I like this one, Stark. I see why you chose to work with him. He certainly knows his stuff.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, big guy. Settle down,” Tony laughed.</p><p>Peter had to incline his head several degrees to meet Thor’s eyes. “I’m Peter Parker.”</p><p>“Good to meet you.” Thor leaned over the desk to clap Peter on the shoulder. He immediately sat back down in the desk chair. Peter hoped the chair could take the stress. He figured Thor probably weighed about as much as he did, but in pure muscle. It was impressive.</p><p>“You too, man. Uhm. I’ve never seen anyone as ripped as you, by the way. Whatever you’re doing must be working,” Peter offered timidly.</p><p>“Ha!” Thor grinned. “Thank you, Peter. Maybe one day Stark here will relinquish you for an afternoon so you can train with me.”</p><p>Peter looked to Tony to see his reaction. The man looked amused.</p><p>Thor was wildly exuberant, and Peter felt himself cheer up just from being in the man's presence. Even Tony looked a little perkier than usual.</p><p>“Maybe,” Tony said. “I’ll have to think about it.” He winked at Peter.</p><p>Peter turned back to Thor with a smile. "Oh yeah, sure. That'd be really cool..." Peter didn't say out loud that he would never be able to keep up with someone like Thor in the gym. He'd probably be dead on the floor before he got through the warmup.</p><p>Tony smirked. "Okay, ready to go, Pete?"</p><p>“I’ll see you around.” Peter waved at Thor.</p><p>“Bye, Peter. Until we meet again,” Thor said cheerily.</p><p>Peter answered with a laugh. Thor's appearance, accent, and manner of speaking was fascinating.</p><p>Like everyone else who worked at the gym, Thor eyed Tony before he and Peter walked away. Why did everyone always do that? Like they were sharing some private joke at Peter’s expense.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve never met anyone named Thor before,” Peter admitted while he and Tony headed to the cardio room.</p><p>“I think his real name is Theodore or something,” Tony contemplated with a frown. “But he is truly a godlike specimen, so we upgraded his name.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “Yeah. He's really impressive, too. You know?" Peter regretted saying that as soon as he'd said it. He added, "Not even in a weird way, or anything. Not like I’m into him." It was more about how he looked than being scared to seem gay. Besides, with Tony, he knew that wouldn't be an issue since Tony liked men. He had to since he was with Bucky...</p><p>Tony glanced at him.</p><p>“You should see his boyfriend. They are total opposites. It’s so strange. Actually, the guy used to be a receptionist here, but he was transferred to a different gym because he couldn’t behave.”</p><p>“Really?” Peter looked back in Thor’s direction. “I would’ve literally never guessed that Thor had a boyfriend.”</p><p>“Guy’s rail thin. Long black hair. He’s super posh, and rude,” Tony described. “Whereas Thor is obviously not that. But, he made a good receptionist for whatever reason.”</p><p>“Wow,” Peter breathed. “I guess you really never know who someone’s type is, you know?”</p><p>Tony eyed Peter. “Type as in brunettes and blondes or guys and ladies?”</p><p>Peter blushed. “Oh, uh, both I guess.”</p><p>“Well, what’s your type? I already saw you thirsting over Bucky. Was that indicative of a pattern?”</p><p>Peter shook his head. “No…Bucky’s cool and all, no offense, but he’s not…I don’t know. I don’t really have a type. Like, I usually objectively think people are attractive, but I never really think about it beyond that. I think I’d have to know someone to really care.” Not to mention that liking anyone was a waste of time since no one would be capable of returning his feelings.</p><p>Tony pondered before highlighting Peter’s word choice. “People?”</p><p>“Yeah, people,” Peter confirmed.</p><p>“What about you?” Peter wondered. “Is Bucky your type?”</p><p>“No,” Tony said definitively.</p><p>
  <em>Am I missing something?</em>
</p><p>“So you’re with him for his personality?” Peter asked. “Like he wasn’t your type, but you got to know him and decided you liked him?”</p><p>Tony turned to look at Peter with a confused expression. “Barnes is fine and dandy, but I’m not with him. I’m pretty sure anyone would have to pry him from Steve’s cold, dead hands before they could shoot their shot. They’ve been together for over a decade. It’s actually kind of nauseating and super gay. Like schoolyard to graveyard level stuff.”</p><p>“Oh. <em>Oh.</em>” Peter remarked. “Sorry. I read that totally wrong. I thought because you told me to stop drooling over him, and then you said ‘he’s taken’ that meant by you… I’m sorry. It sounded like you were serious.”</p><p>Tony inclined his head. “Shit, Peter. I was only teasing you.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Peter said again. “I misunderstood.” He remembered when Tony had suggested that he quit drooling over Bucky. At the time it had seemed like a reprimand, but now that he’d been around Tony a little more, it made more sense that it was a joke.</p><p>Tony shrugged. “It’s no big deal. Definitely not mad at you. You just paid Barnes a heavy compliment, though. I’ll have to tell him.”</p><p>Peter grinned. The conversation could’ve continued going in an awfully awkward direction, but Tony seemed satisfied and amused. Peter was glad he hadn’t put his foot entirely in his mouth. He still had no clue as to what Tony’s type was, and he couldn’t stomach asking now that he’d made a fool of himself.</p><p>“Okay, but enough of this. You’re about to get your ass worked off, Pete.” Tony clapped his hands. “You’re cycling today.”</p><p>“Cool,” Peter said. “That’s different.”</p><p>“I know.” Tony waggled his eyebrows. “A little birdie told me that you’ve been working out extra these past couple days, so I’m changing it up. Initiative is rewarded with more cardio,” Tony cheered.</p><p>Peter pretended to be reluctant, but he was secretly thrilled, and albeit, a little embarrassed at having read Tony and Bucky completely wrong. It was better than the alternative of being right, though. Tony was single—well, he wasn’t with Bucky. That was a step in the right direction, but maybe it also meant that Tony didn't like men at all. Back to square one. Peter scolded himself before he could take those thoughts further. He should not have been even entertaining romantic thoughts of Tony. He was there to train him. That was it. Peter had to stay focused so he could reach his goals. He didn’t need to be worrying about impressing anyone, and Peter knew that Tony would be out of his league no matter how much weight he lost. And like he'd told Tony, he would have to know someone to really feel anything serious for them, and he didn't know Tony beyond his surface personality at all.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter was almost through his time on the stationary bike when his brain started producing coherent thoughts and conclusions about what had just happened between him and Tony.</p><p>“Who told you I was working out extra?” Peter asked after gulping down half of his water.</p><p>Tony was leaning casually on the wall beside the bike with his arms crossed. “You really wanna know?”</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“It was two birdies, not just one,” Tony hinted. “Sam and Natasha.”</p><p>“Why?” Peter blurted. “What do they care?”  He had only seen Sam once and hadn’t said two words to him, and he’d only spoken with Natasha once, and briefly at that.</p><p>Tony smirked. “I suppose they wanted to make sure I was aware of your endeavours since I wasn’t there to witness them firsthand.”</p><p>Admittedly, Peter had expected to see Tony at the gym when he had gone to work out independently because he went at the usual time of his lessons, and he had been surprised when the man was absent. He just figured those were Tony’s days off, or perhaps he had worked the day shift. He was tempted to ask Tony where he had been and what he had been doing, but it was none of his business.</p><p>“I feel like I’m under surveillance. Is there someone tailing me? Be honest.”</p><p>Tony smoothed out his expression and looked around carefully. “Truth?” He whispered.</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“Only in the evenings,” Tony explained.</p><p>Peter burst out laughing. “I don’t even get a phone tap? What kind of place is this?”</p><p>“Shhh,” Tony instructed. “We’re really sensitive about our espionage skills here. If people find out we don’t even do wiretaps, we’ll become laughing stocks.”</p><p>“Your secret’s safe with me,” Peter allowed. “Who doesn’t mind a little tail every now and then anyways.” <em>Lame joke. Oh God. Oh no. Why did I say that? </em>It was easy to forget himself when he was with Tony, sometimes. He felt like he was with Ned or MJ, giving each other shit and joking around.</p><p>“Peter Parker.” Tony put a hand over his mouth. “I’m scandalized.”</p><p>Peter’s blush was covered by his already red cheeks, and he refocused on his exercise. He had to get himself under control around Tony before he accidentally creeped him out with his premature familiarity.</p><p>Peter didn’t know what to think about why staff he didn’t even really know was reporting to Tony behind his back. He wasn’t sure if that was normal protocol, but he didn’t want to ask. It made sense, though, and Peter remembered that he had to sign into the gym with a swipe card, so Tony would’ve been able to find out when he worked out anyway. Peter just wasn’t sure if he should be offended or flattered that people were noticing him.</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>“So when did it start?” Tony asked casually while he pointed to the dumbbells Peter would be using after the cycle session.</p><p>Peter didn’t exactly understand the question. Tony could’ve meant anything. Peter had to guess. “When did I get fat?”</p><p>“No. When did you start appreciating food for more than it is? And when did you make a habit of it?”</p><p>Peter logically knew that Tony had eyes and could see how big he is, but it still felt awkward to discuss so explicitly, to draw attention to the matter. Peter knew he wasn’t fooling anyone in his layers of oversized clothes, but some part of him still felt like if he didn’t address his size then it wasn’t real. Before he took extra food, he’d make the obligatory disclaimer, “I know I’m fat”, or “I know I shouldn’t, but”. If nobody mentioned his size, he felt like it was just going unsaid, so he’d always bring it up first despite not wanting it to be noted at all. The paradoxical thinking was exhausting. He guessed he appreciated Tony being up front about it.</p><p>Peter looked at the floor while he deliberated. It would have been easy to say it began after he became an orphan, or when his uncle died, or when he started high school, or when he started earning his own money to buy food with, but although each circumstance had its role, none of them were the reason.</p><p>“There’s no sob story,” Peter admitted while grabbing the weights Tony had gestured to. Five-pound dumbbells. He wondered how much Tony could lift.</p><p>“I just…I always wanted more, you know?” Peter continued. “If someone gave me a bite of their food to try, I would order that plus my meal the next time we went out. If I couldn’t decide between two things, I’d get both. If I went to Delmar’s—you know, the deli—yeah, well it started as an after school treat for surviving the day. Grab a bag of gummies. But if you have gummies, you need chocolate, and if you got chocolate, you need something salty, and if you have all that, then you need a drink…but the drinks are buy one get one half off—it’s a better deal, so you get two, and then—” Peter stopped. “Yeah.”</p><p>Tony offered a smile before shrugging as if what Peter had just admitted was nothing. “I am definitely adding that to your file.”</p><p>“Really?” Peter grimaced. “I thought we’ve already established that I overeat. What’s the revelation with what I just told you?”</p><p>“You’re a bargain binger,” Tony explained. “And possibly an emotional eater. Gotta love alliteration.”</p><p>“As far as nicknames go, those aren’t the worst I’ve been given,” Peter tried to joke. Emotional eater was a given, and he knew that was probably a quality most people had, but being called a bargain binger…that stung.</p><p>“No, don’t get me wrong.” Tony backtracked. “It’s not personal. It’s a term I’ve been using for a while.”</p><p>Peter adjusted his grip on the dumbbells. “What do you want me to do with these?”</p><p>“Lift them, smartass.” Tony waved his hand before crossing his arms again.</p><p>Peter smirked.</p><p>Tony shook his head and pressed on. “The term applies to people who buy and eat more food because they get better deals for bulk purchasing, or because on the surface a lot of junk seems cheaper than whole foods.”</p><p>“Huh. I never thought of it like that,” Peter remarked.</p><p>“It’s actually incredible when you beat it because you end up saving money and losing weight at the same time. You know fast food apps?”</p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p>“Cool it with the sarcasm.” Tony pointed at Peter.</p><p>Peter didn’t respond to the warning, but he did finish his reps. “Yes, I know about fast food apps, Tony. They were invented for me.”</p><p>Tony sighed. “Anyway, a lot of apps and even coupons they send you in the mail. It’ll be something like ‘buy one get one’ or ‘spend ten and get two dollars off’. You see what I’m getting at?”</p><p>“So, you try to spend ten just to save two, when you probably weren’t even going to spend over eight dollars anyway,” Peter supplied.</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony affirmed. “It’s a dirty trick.”</p><p>“It’s capitalism.”</p><p>“True.”</p><p>“Don’t get me started on the ‘two can dine’ coupons,” Peter complained. “It’s cheaper to get the two meals sometimes than buying one full price.” He didn’t continue the rest of his sentence because that would involve admitting that he’d used those restaurant coupons meant for sharing all to himself. Humiliating.</p><p>Tony shrugged. “I think we’ve all been there. I’ve had moments where I wanted to devour a few Whoppers.”</p><p>Peter concentrated on finishing another set. It was easy to get lost during the counting when Tony was speaking to him—sometimes he forgot he was exercising.</p><p>“Moments of weakness?” Peter asked.</p><p>“No,” Tony disagreed. “I don’t call wanting to eat weakness. It puts you in a frame of mind where you’re already giving in and making the situation a failure.”</p><p>“Well how else are you supposed to see bingeing on hamburgers?”</p><p>“It can be fun,” Tony said. “Stop lifting for a second. I want you to listen to me.”</p><p>Peter finished the rep and stopped.</p><p>“Peter, everyone indulges in something. Some people shop, or gamble, or drink, or they’re glued to their phones… It only becomes a problem when you do it constantly, feel the need to hide it, or when it interferes with daily life.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter allowed.</p><p>“Going to Burger King and getting everything you want is a part of the human experience. You don’t have to beat yourself up about it.”</p><p>“Plus,” Tony added, “there’s ways to do everything. You want fries and onion rings and can’t decide? Get both, but downsize the Whopper to the junior, or skip the mayo. If you want a chocolate shake to top everything off, get a small. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”</p><p>Peter nodded. Tony made everything sound so possible.</p><p>“Using a coupon for two meals to yourself isn’t model behaviour,” Tony said. “I’m not gonna lie, but it only becomes an issue when you make it the norm. And just because you order it doesn’t mean you have to eat it. Learning to stop when you’re full is another useful tool. Don’t think, ‘oh, shit, I screwed up and ate too much might as well eat until I’m sick’.”</p><p>Peter decided to say more on the subject. He might as well be as open with Tony as possible; he already knew so much about his poor life choices. “I was watching this fitness video on YouTube, and the guy said that screwing up your diet because you ate something bad is like slashing your other three tires just because you got a flat.”</p><p>“Yes, exactly!” Tony grinned. “I’ve seen that video.”</p><p>“I wish you would’ve told me this before,” Tony complained after a moment. “I have a ton of info I can give you.”</p><p>Peter felt guilty for having to be told by Tony again that he should've told him something, been more open and honest. He had neglected to mention his bingeing in the first place, and now the money side of it was something else he hadn't mentioned. He hadn't done it on purpose, but he hated feeling like he let Tony down.</p><p>“You really know your stuff don’t you?” Peter raised his eyebrows. He decided to deflect from his guilt by complimenting Tony.</p><p>Tony beamed. “Now that you mention it. Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter had even more homework to do since he’d spilled the beans about his bargain bingeing. Not only did he have to add to his list of binge-preventing activities—Tony had approved of the ten he’d already added, but wanted to see more since it would prove to Peter that there were countless ways to stick to your goals—now he had to compile a list of his favourite binge foods along with their prices, and he had to create fast food orders and alter them to reflect Tony’s point about balance versus all-or-nothing.</p><p>When he had signed up for the gym, he hadn’t realized he would be getting financial advice along with the personal training. He also hadn’t realized that Tony was so knowledgeable; the man was offering way more than push-up techniques. Peter liked it, though, because it brought more perspective to his struggle and made him see that he didn't have to give in to societal cues to overeat and overbuy, and that he didn't have to go to the other end of the spectrum where he ate zero fast food and had zero fun. He was allowed to have control over himself. If he wanted to save money and capitalize on deals that required a purchase of one or more, he could save the second item for another time, or only go out with another person who he could split it with. There were solutions for all of his problems. All he had to do was learn them and commit to putting them into practice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I thought of the term bargain binger with inspiration from the show Secret Eaters. You can find it on YouTube. (I can't be the only one who loves watching shows about people eating and coming to terms with their habits!) They like to create funny, alliterative terms to describe habits. So like nighttime nosher for people who snack at night, or plate polisher for people who always clear their plate even if they're full, etc. It's a really good show, and the host doesn't make fun of people or be rude to them like other shows do...as if being overweight is a funny joke. (Although be careful of the comments section because YouTube comments are where humanity goes to die.)</p><p>Also, the slashed tire comment comes from Jordan Syatt on YouTube. I really like his content because he's no-nonsense, but not a dick, either.</p><p>Other creators I recommend: JordanShrinks, Natacha Oceane, Will Tennyson, and Rachel Aust. All on YouTube and Instagram.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Transition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter's fifth and sixth lessons with Tony.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you know that if you go to my tumblr winterironspiderling and search for Disorder in my tags, you can find a playlist/song rec moodboard called "Peter's Theme". It has a lot of depressing music on it! ((Just in case you were interested in being extra emo.)) I'll also be making a more upbeat one for Tony with lots of 80s stuff, and one for Peter's workout music!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter couldn’t stop looking at the clock in anticipation of his Tuesday night weigh-in. He had been diligent since the day after his binge mishap, and he was praying that the scale would reflect his hard work. He knew he wasn’t operating at a huge calorie deficit, and he still only had a few workout sessions under his belt, but like Tony had said, it was more than he was doing before.</p><p>He craved the feeling of losing more after experiencing the gratification of losing one pound. 240 to 239. One pound would turn to two and two could be ten if he kept at it.</p><p>He had a lot of homework to show Tony—his binge strategies, fast food order modifications, and a list of his favourite foods along with their prices. Combined with measurements and the weigh-in, Peter expected to the lesson to run a little long. He was fine with that; it wasn’t like he had anything better to do.</p><p> </p><p>When Peter got to the gym, he had the opportunity to meet another staff member. It seemed like Iron Fitness had an endless supply of employees which made sense since the gym’s membership rate was high if the constant parade of fit bodies going in and out of the building was any indication. Peter was growing tired of all the introductions. Not that he didn’t like the staff, just that memorizing everyone’s names, explaining who he was, and having more witnesses to his inadequacy was tedious.</p><p>“Hi,” Peter said to the woman.</p><p>“Good afternoon.”</p><p>The woman was Irish, and Peter wondered if the boss had a penchant for hiring people with accents. So far, he counted Thor and Bucky, and this made a third.</p><p>Peter held his card to the scanner and waited for the beep. He cringed every time he thought of his photo showing up on the computer for an employee to see and confirm. Not that it made a difference since they were already looking at him in-person anyway.</p><p>The woman looked at the computer and raised her eyebrows. “Ah, Peter. Mr. Stark called ahead. He’s in traffic, but he’ll get here as soon as possible.”</p><p>Peter inclined his head at the woman’s professional tone. Referring to Tony as Mr. Stark was kind of funny. He guessed that she must be an actual receptionist and not a fill-in trainer. Peter had gotten used to the friendly banter of the athletic crew, but this was refreshing.</p><p>“What’s your name? I haven’t seen you around before.” Peter decided to try his hand at a little conversation since the lady seemed nice.</p><p>“I’m Friday.”</p><p>“Has it been annoying? All the different people filling in at your desk?” Peter was just guessing, but when Friday sighed and nodded, he knew he was correct.</p><p>“You’ve no idea,” she admitted. “I’m counting the days until HR finds a replacement for Loki. I’m prepared to hire someone off the street. It’d be better than what I’m currently dealing with.”</p><p>“That sucks," Peter offered. "Hopefully you find someone soon."</p><p>Friday smiled politely. "Thank you, Peter."</p><p>“Well, I’m gonna get changed and wait for Tony. Nice to meet you.”</p><p>“Likewise.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter wasn’t sure if Tony would prefer that he begin working out while he waited, or if he should just wait in the office. Peter knew traffic anywhere was bad at 5:30PM, but depending on where Tony was coming from, it could be another hour before he arrived.</p><p>He settled on waiting in the office, optimistic that Tony wouldn’t be too much longer. For his previous lessons, Peter remembered Tony already being at the gym by the time he got there. Peter wasn’t sure what shift Tony was working for him to start at 5:30 since the gym closed at midnight. Maybe he was just part time. Regardless, Peter hoped Tony knew he didn’t have to rush to make the lesson; he would’ve been happy to reschedule, especially if it meant Tony not getting into a car accident. Tony could’ve even suggested that he work with a different trainer, but Peter was glad he didn’t because he wasn’t interested in working with anyone else. Maybe Tony knew that since he seemed to know everything else.</p><p>“Hey, kid. Sorry I’m late.”</p><p>Peter turned to Tony and then followed him with his eyes while he made his way to the desk.</p><p>“That’s okay. I don’t mind waiting.” It occurred to him that Tony could’ve texted him directly instead of calling the gym and having Friday let him know. Peter frowned. Maybe Tony hadn’t saved his number, then.</p><p>Peter watched Tony shrug off his track jacket. He had another cool t-shirt on. Vintage Black Sabbath. Peter had to stow his feelings. This was exactly why he didn’t let himself get crushes on anyone. He hadn’t put a stop to it when he’d first noticed how good-looking Tony was, and now that the man was in front of him with his nice t-shirt after pointedly not texting when he could’ve, Peter knew he had taken it too far. He couldn’t like Tony as more than a trainer. It would just end up devastating him. He put the wall up, and the disappointment he’d been feeling disappeared behind it. Maybe he’d revisit it later, so he could dwell and cry, but not now.</p><p>Tony sat down. “Yeah, I would’ve texted you, but I was driving by the time it became clear that I wasn’t gonna make it.”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said, dumbfounded. That hadn’t occurred to him. “Well…you’re here now.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “Let’s see what you got for me.” He grabbed Peter’s food journal and binder with the homework included.</p><p>Peter was quiet while Tony looked everything over. It took a few minutes, but the silence wasn’t awkward since the music from the gym carried into the room. “Good stuff, Pete. You’re kicking ass.”</p><p>“My ass is getting kicked,” Peter corrected.</p><p>“It’s my pleasure,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“For the most part, there isn’t any right or wrong answer,” Tony explained. “I’m not going to grade your work like a teacher because the work is for you. Gets you thinking. It’s not my place to tell you a strategy wouldn’t work, either. If you thought of it, then you know if it works, and ultimately this is all about you.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter said. “It was kind of fun just transforming all of this food into data. You sort of stop thinking about wanting to eat it, and you just concentrate on if the numbers fit.”</p><p>“Right, and if they don’t, it’s not the end of the world. You can eat all the foods you enjoy now, but in a way that supports balance.”</p><p>Peter nodded in agreement. He hadn’t been exactly sure what listing his favourite binge foods with their prices was supposed to do until he tallied up how much extra he was spending on snacks under the guise of saving money on a second or third discounted item. Next time he went to the store, he would be cognizant of the marketing strategy and only buy what he wanted. The next step would be capitalizing on the deal and saving the additional item for another time.</p><p>“So”—Tony held his hands up—“it’s weigh-in day.”</p><p>“Yes, in fact it is,” Peter retorted.</p><p>“You ready?”</p><p>“I think so.”</p><p> </p><p>Like the last time, Peter closed his eyes and waited for Tony to tell him the news.</p><p>“236,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter tried not to smile too big, but he was happy.</p><p>“Incredible,” Tony said. “Absolutely fantastic.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Peter stepped off the scale and let Tony do his thing with the measuring tape.</p><p>“Let’s get out there, champ.” Tony gestured to the door with a flourish. “I’ve got a new circuit cooked up for you, and you’re going to hate it.”</p><p>“You can’t cook up anything worse than my aunt’s food,” Peter joked. “I can handle it.”</p><p>Tony gave Peter one of his eye-crinkling grins and led the way to the weight room.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>MJ and Ned were busy on their phones during the lunch period when Peter blurted it out. “You guys wanna come over after school tonight?”</p><p>“It’s Thursday,” MJ pointed out. “We have Decathlon practice.”</p><p>“Right, after,” Peter corrected. “Ned, buddy. You in?”</p><p>“Sure, Peter. What’s the occasion?”</p><p>“It better not be LEGOs,” MJ interrupted. “I’m not doing that.”</p><p>“I,” Peter began, “I have stuff to give you guys, and I can’t really bring it to school.”</p><p>“What kind of stuff?” MJ narrowed her eyes. “Drugs?”</p><p>“Sort of,” Peter joked.</p><p>Ned looked at him questioningly.</p><p>“I have a lot of snacks and, you know, junk food lying around. I was kind of thinking you guys could take it off my hands. May doesn’t eat it, and I don’t want it anymore.”</p><p>MJ inclined her head. “How come you don’t want it?”</p><p>Peter took a breath. So far only Ned knew about his new fitness regime and diet. He’d been waiting to tell MJ when he was surer that he’d be sticking to his plan—no point telling her he was trying to lose weigh only to fail the next week. Also, he’d kind of been hoping she’d do most of the work for him by noticing he’d lost weight and maybe asking him about it, but the loss wasn’t that noticeable yet. Peter was tired of waiting.</p><p>“I started working out at the gym,” Peter said. “It’s only twice a week. Not that big of a deal, or anything, but I really want to try and give this a real shot. If you guys don’t want the food, it’s fine. I just wanted to offer instead of throwing it away.” It wasn't that he was planning on never eating another chocolate bar again, but more that he wasn't going to keep an easily accessible basket of bingeing food in his room. It was asking for disaster. From that point on, if he wanted snack food or treats, he would go to the store and buy one serving at a time. At least until he had the diet thing more under control.</p><p>“I don’t know what kind of goods you got”—MJ waggled her eyebrows— “but I’ll come over anyway even if I don’t take anything.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ned agreed. “You have really good taste in snacks, and I definitely won’t say no to free food, but we’ll come over anyway.”</p><p>“Cool,” Peter replied. He waited for MJ to comment further.</p><p>“You know, I thought there was something different about you,” MJ said.</p><p>“Yeah?” Peter asked casually. “Different like what?”</p><p>“I don’t know. You’re always weird, obviously.” MJ shrugged. “Maybe happier?”</p><p>Ned nodded. “Totally happier. I don’t know if that has to do with working out or who he’s working out with, though.”</p><p>“Ned!” Peter complained. He had barely said anything to Ned about Tony except what they did at the gym and what the man looked like. Ned was jumping to conclusions.</p><p>MJ leaned in. “Excuse me? Details.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “There’s literally nothing going on. Ned’s talking about my personal trainer, Tony. He’s really cool, but there’s nothing else to it. Ned’s being an idiot.”</p><p>Ned smiled triumphantly.</p><p>MJ shook her head. “Ned seems to know a lot of behind-the-scenes info.”</p><p>Peter glanced at MJ guiltily.</p><p>“I’m messing with you,” MJ explained.</p><p>Peter shrugged. “I’ve only had five lessons so far. Really, I barely know Tony, and I don’t know how Ned even got the idea that I like him or something.”</p><p>Ned and MJ looked at each other knowingly.</p><p>“Whatever,” Peter complained. “You guys suck. And to think I was going to give you my stash out of the kindness of my heart.”</p><p>MJ laughed. “If I had to choose between all the snacks in the world and getting to bug you everyday, I think we all know I’d starve.”</p><p>Peter grinned. “True.”</p><p>Ned agreed. “I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I will say this. Peter, you totally like Tony. Your entire face changes when you talk about him.</p><p>“It does not,” Peter grumbled.</p><p>“Ohh, I see what you mean,” MJ added. “Definitely detecting a crush.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “I will neither confirm nor deny these accusations at this time. No further comments.”</p><p>His friends laughed, and then they returned to their phones.</p><p>Peter looked at his own phone and scrolled through the contacts to his new entry. Tony with an arm flexing emoji. If he was supposedly so hot for Tony, he would’ve liked his friends to explain to him why he hadn’t added a heart emoji next to Tony’s name. That would tell them all they needed to know.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter was lying on his exercise mat wishing he could melt into the floor and disappear. Tony stood over him, cheerful and bright-eyed as usual. Tony looked frustratingly good at such an impossible angle; meanwhile, Peter could feel his double chin on display for Tony and everyone else in the gym to see. Peter imagined his facial expression wasn’t particularly kind in that moment. He had done floor and bench exercises before, and they had put him in some unfortunate positions, but usually Tony stood nearby, not directly over him.</p><p>Tony had his hands wrapped around Peter’s ankles, pushing his legs towards his chest to stretch them. “Say when,” Tony instructed.</p><p>As much as Peter wished he could fold in half like a pretzel and impress Tony, he had to call it. If not only for the burn but because he wasn’t a fan of having Tony’s hands on him even if it was through clothing. It made him way too self-conscious. The most Tony ever touched him was accidental brushes during measurements, or light touches to correct his form during an exercise. This was prolonged contact.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter said.</p><p>“I said, ‘say when’,” Tony corrected, but he stopped pushing anyway.</p><p>Tony held out a hand for Peter to grab so he could get off the floor more easily.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Peter declined. He averted his eyes and rose from the floor without Tony’s help.</p><p>“I’m offended. Is it that you think I’m too old or too weak to help a strapping young man such as yourself off the floor? Or both?”</p><p>Peter laughed. “You really want me to answer that?” It was nice of Tony to reframe the situation as if he was the problem, but Peter didn’t need him to. The last thing Peter wanted to do was hurt Tony’s back by putting too much strain on his body. He was doing Tony a favour.</p><p>Tony stared at him for a moment before sighing. “Follow me, Parker. I want to show you something.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. <em>This ought to be good.</em></p><p>Peter followed Tony out of the weight room and to the cardio room where Bucky was chatting with Sam. From what Peter had seen of Sam, he seemed like a nice guy, and he respected that the man handled marathon training since he could barely run for fifteen minutes let alone twenty-six miles, but Peter felt slightly nervous encountering the man after Tony had mentioned that he was one of the ones who’d reported his sans-Tony gym activity.</p><p>“Bucky, you busy?”</p><p>Peter was curious to see what Tony was up to—he’d never intentionally involved anyone else in their lessons before.</p><p>“For you? Always,” Bucky teased, but he still came over to see what Tony wanted.</p><p>“Care to assist me in a demonstration?” Tony asked.</p><p>Bucky rubbed his hands together. “What do you think, Sam? Can I take him?”</p><p>Sam laughed. “All that matters is that I could take both of you.”</p><p>Peter watched the exchange with a small smile. He wasn’t going to say anything, but he didn’t think there was anyway either of them could take Bucky in a fight. The guy was built. The only other person Peter had seen who looked stronger was Thor, but that man was an anomaly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter stood next to Sam with his arms crossed while he watched Bucky and Tony spar on the mat. They were in a studio within the gym that Peter hadn’t previously set foot in.</p><p>“What brought this on?” Sam asked Peter.</p><p>“Not sure,” Peter admitted. “I think he’s trying to prove he’s not old? That was the impression I got.” Peter knew exactly what Tony was trying to prove, but he wasn’t going to try and explain it to Sam.</p><p>Sam laughed. “He looks old, but he’s got a few tricks up his sleeves. Bucky’s not bad either.”</p><p>Peter nodded vaguely but disagreed with Sam’s comment. Tony was older, but he didn’t look old at all. He turned back to Bucky and Tony who were circling each other with serious expressions. He could see the amusement in both of their eyes, though.</p><p>Without warning, Bucky swung at Tony. Peter flinched, expecting Tony to be knocked on his ass since Bucky hadn’t been holding back. Instead, Tony dodged the punch and countered with a few complicated gestures that looked like glorified slapping. Peter couldn’t help but smile at the complicated jumble of arms and legs that had become of Tony and Bucky. Bucky’s fighting style was more aggressive and hard-hitting, but Tony’s was defensive and reactive.</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Damn.”</p><p>“Never underestimate a small guy,” Sam commented.</p><p>“I don’t know if he’s small or if all of you guys are just ridiculously huge,” Peter said.</p><p>“A little of both.” Sam smiled.</p><p>Tony and Bucky went at it for another few minutes before Tony changed tactics and got the bigger man into an impossible hold. Bucky tapped out, and Tony made a show of popping off the ground without using his arms. Then he held out his hand for Bucky to take.</p><p>Peter frowned when he saw Bucky grab Tony’s hand without hesitation and use it to pull himself up from the floor. Once Bucky was at his full height, Tony gave him a high five. Peter couldn’t believe Tony had made an entire show of fighting with Bucky just to show him he was strong enough to support two hundred plus pounds of muscle. Okay, fine. If Tony was so adamant about helping people off the floor, Peter could let him do it. If he ended up hurting Tony’s back it wouldn’t be for lack of warning him.</p><p>Bucky and Sam left the room together to return to their duties—if standing around while casually chatting was considered work.</p><p> </p><p>Tony walked off the mats and planted himself in front of Peter with his arms crossed. “Well. What’d you think?”</p><p>“You’re great,” Peter complimented. “What kind of fighting was that?”</p><p>“A bit of Wing Chun,” Tony said breezily, “and some good old-fashioned punching.”</p><p>“Tony, that was seriously crazy,” Peter said. The sparring had been impressive to watch, not only because of Tony's appearance, but because of his actual talent.</p><p>“You doubted me?” Tony smirked.</p><p>“Well, I—you’re—I wouldn’t say <em>doubted. </em>I just didn’t expect you to kick ass on that level.”</p><p>“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Tony said. “One day I’ll show you a few moves, if you’re interested.”</p><p>“I don’t want to get beat up.” Peter raised his eyebrows. If Tony could take down Bucky, then he could probably annihilate him.</p><p>“You don’t?” Tony asked. “Funny, because you beat yourself up every day…must get tiring.”</p><p>“Ha ha,” Peter joked back. “I get it, Tony. You’re strong and possibly, you could handle helping me off the floor. Perhaps. Maybe.”</p><p>“I’m tempted to knock you down just so I can prove it.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “Maybe another time.”</p><p> </p><p>Tony told him they might as well finish out their stretching in that room since they were already there, so he got his wish when Peter got onto the floor.</p><p>Peter didn’t reject Tony’s help when it was offered to him a second time. He took Tony’s hand while the man pulled him up. He let go as soon as he was steady, then averted his eyes. No need for Tony to see the longing expression on his face, and no need for Peter to torture himself by imagining that he was holding hands with Tony for a different reason.</p><p>He eyed Tony discreetly to see if he’d hurt his back or caused him any discomfort, but he had the usual pep in his step.</p><p>“Great session today, Pete,” Tony complimented him.</p><p>“For sure,” Peter agreed. He didn’t want to leave it at that since Tony didn’t mention having any discussion in the office or any homework he should be doing, but he didn't have a huge repertoire of things to say during small talk.</p><p>“Any special plans for the weekend?” Peter tried.</p><p>Tony looked at Peter with an expression he hadn’t previously seen. “Now that you mention it, my weekend is looking pretty bleak, but I’m sure I’ll think of something to do.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “Cool.”</p><p>“How about you, kid?” Tony asked. “More homework? YouTube?”</p><p>Peter laughed. “You know it.  Plus work, but that’s not really a special plan.” He also needed to get some extra practice in on the guitar since the Midtown band was learning a new piece, but he doubted Tony cared about that.</p><p>Peter became aware that he probably didn’t look the best right now in his sweaty shirt. He sighed, wishing he could look as good as Tony. Not even just the slim and capable physique, but the big brown eyes and sharp jawline. Tony looked so distinguished. Peter would’ve said it wasn't fair, but maybe it was since Tony had obviously worked for it.</p><p>Tony was still smiling at him, but he didn't look like he had anything else to say.</p><p>“Okay, Tony. See you next week. Thanks for today.”</p><p>“No, thank you.” Tony ran his fingers across his beard.</p><p>Peter waved and left the room. He was halfway done with his lessons, but he wasn't as excited to be nearing the end as he thought he'd be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>1. RDJ practices Wing Chun in real life, so I thought it'd be fun to add a little reference to it.</p><p>2. My way of rectifying Tony's shitbeating in Civil War is by letting him win against Bucky here. ;) small victories I guess... (*cries in Tony Stark*)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Explanation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter's Saturday shift at Delmar's and some insight into Tony's side of things.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter was in an excellent mood when he went to work on Saturday, despite the early hour. He was on his way to weighing 230 and felt secure in his routine. Being at work was not even an issue for him because he refused to fail and reverse his progress. He weighed 236, and the only direction that number was going was down. He still ate his allotted sandwich and Coke, but that was it. There was no temptation to stray from his diet, and there was no fantasy of running home after his shift and drowning his sorrows in his snack stash—even if he hadn’t given it to Ned and MJ. He wasn’t in the mood to hide away and binge to punish himself.</p><p>Saturday mornings were usually slow except for regulars, but business picked up around lunchtime when passers-by and tourists stopped in to try authentic New York deli sandwiches. Peter was happy to talk to them and recommend lesser-known tourist destinations. A lot of people even gave him tips for his helpful advice.</p><p>Peter was wiping the counters and doing some light stocking before his shift ended when he heard the bells on the door jingle. “Be right with you,” Peter called. Addressing customers was important—not only was it good for hospitality, but Mr. Delmar said it reduced theft when people felt seen.</p><p>“Hi, what can I get for you?” Peter realized halfway through his question that it was Tony standing in front of him. “Tony! What are you doing here?” He sounded overeager, but Tony didn’t look irritated about it. The man seemed happy himself.</p><p>Tony smirked. “I’m here about a cat?”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter blushed. Made sense. Tony had said it was the cat he’d like to see sometime, not him. “Yeah, he’s over here.”</p><p>Peter emerged from behind the counter and led Tony to Murph’s cat bed in the office.</p><p>“How ‘bout that.” Tony grinned, reaching down to pet the cat. Murph immediately started purring and rolled over to expose his belly. “Wow, friendly,” Tony commented.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed.</p><p>Peter watched with a dopey smile while Tony gave Murph a complete scratch and rubdown. He shifted his weight while he waited for Tony to say more. Where was the man coming from? Where was he headed? Peter guessed that Tony was either starting or finishing a shift if he was in the neighbourhood. The gym wasn’t that far away. He didn’t know if Tony worked Saturdays or not. He’d mentioned the day before that his weekend looked bleak.</p><p>“So.” Tony turned to Peter. “How’s the day?”</p><p>“Actually, it’s good,” Peter said. “Got lots of tips.”</p><p>“Tips?” Tony questioned. “I didn’t know people tipped here.”</p><p>“Not much,” Peter said, “but we get a lot of tourists here who want recommendations or directions. Things like that."</p><p>Tony nodded.</p><p>Peter continued, "So, I try to send them places that could use the business. Sometimes people actually come back and thank me for telling them about places they wouldn’t have noticed. Oh," Peter added, "other people recommend us too, so it’s uh, yeah, it’s a really tightknit kind of community. Uhm.” <em>Stop talking. Shut up.</em></p><p>“Impressive, Mr. Parker,” Tony said earnestly. “You sound like you have a real knack for PR. A friendly, neighbourhood tour guide slash sandwich artist.”</p><p>“Really? I—” Peter didn’t have time to give Tony a complete answer because the door chimed again. “Oh, damn. Sorry, Tony. One sec.”</p><p>“No problem.” Tony shrugged and followed Peter out of the office.</p><p> </p><p>Peter served the customer as quickly as possible, so he could get back to his chat with Tony. He could not believe that the man had actually come to see him at work. Even if it was just for the cat, it was still really nice of him. He didn’t have to do that. Peter looked around for Tony, but he couldn’t see where the man had gone. Had he left without saying goodbye?</p><p>“Tony, are you still here?” Peter asked. He couldn’t get a clear view over the shelves of groceries.</p><p>“Yup.” Tony walked up to the counter with two Monster energy drinks.</p><p>Peter smiled. “So, how’s your day? What are you up to?”</p><p>“I’m on my way to a meeting, actually,” Tony replied. “Staff meeting.”</p><p>“Oh, really?” Peter asked. “I didn’t know your boss made you work weekends.”</p><p>Tony licked his lips. “Yeah, he’s a nice guy, but he can be a real slave driver."</p><p>Tony added, "That does give us something in common, though—we both have to work on a Saturday.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “I feel sorry for us.” He rang Tony’s energy drinks up in the cash register.</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>“Did you want anything else?” Peter offered. “A straw for your drinks, or a bag? A protein bar?”</p><p>“What do you recommend where the sandwiches are concerned?”</p><p>“Uhh, do you like pickles?”</p><p>Tony huffed out a laugh. “I do.”</p><p>“Okay, well I’ll just make you what I like…if you want?”</p><p>“Sounds delicious.”</p><p>“Okay.” Peter beamed. He raced to get his gloves on, and he began crafting the most beautiful sandwich of his career.</p><p>“What time do you get off?” Tony asked while Peter’s back was to him.</p><p>“2,” Peter answered over his shoulder.</p><p>“That’s in ten minutes.”</p><p>Peter only nodded, placing the sandwich in wax paper and wrapping it expertly. He drew a smiley face on the paper with a Sharpie.</p><p>“Is your aunt coming to get you?”</p><p>Peter shook his head. “I was actually just going to walk.”</p><p>“Shame, I was going to offer you a ride,” Tony said.</p><p>“Oh.” Peter was torn. “That would be awesome. I really appreciate it, but—”</p><p>“You don’t want to waste an opportunity to walk when you’re actually in the mood.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter admitted. “Is that stupid?”</p><p>“No,” Tony replied. “I was testing you.”</p><p>“No, you weren’t!” Peter accused.</p><p>“No, I wasn’t. I totally would’ve given you a ride,” Tony admitted.</p><p>“Rain check, maybe?” Peter suggested clumsily. <em>Dear mother of god. He’s just being nice. You can’t ask him for a rain check on a ride. Like he’s going to go out of his way to pick you up.</em></p><p>“Deal,” Tony said simply. “You have my number.”</p><p>Peter nodded shakily.</p><p>“What’s the damage?” Tony prompted.</p><p>“Right! Four dollars and thirty-two cents.”</p><p>“That’s it?” Tony questioned.</p><p>“Let’s just call it the family and friends discount,” Peter explained sheepishly. “Plus, I don’t know if you’re actually going to like it, so…I’m not going to make you pay for it.”</p><p>“All right, Mr. Parker. I’ll take it.” Tony slid a twenty-dollar bill across the counter.</p><p>Peter fumbled for the change.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it.” Tony waved.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Peter frowned. “That’s a lot.”</p><p>“Totally sure.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed. “Have a good day, Tony. Thank you for coming in.”</p><p>"Thanks, kid. Until next time." Tony winked and walked out the door.</p><p> </p><p>Peter took a few seconds before he realized he was white knuckling the counter. His heart was pounding in his ears. <em>What the fuck is wrong with me?</em></p><p>“Who was he?” Mr. Delmar asked.</p><p>Peter jumped. He hadn’t heard the man approach.</p><p>“He must’ve been an important friend if you brought him in the office and gave him free food.”</p><p>“Sorry, Mr. Delmar. He wanted to meet Murph. I can pay—"</p><p>“Take it easy, Mijo. You're not in trouble.”</p><p>Peter exhaled in relief.</p><p>Mr. Delmar continued, “I want to know who he is tipping you fifteen dollars. I thought I knew all your friends.”</p><p>“Lots of people tip me,” Peter replied. “And he’s a new one. Sort of.”</p><p>“Is that right?”</p><p>“He’s my trainer. At the gym,” Peter explained. “He really likes cats, so I told him to come see Murph.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, I bet he came all the way down here to see a cat.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Peter, please. That man was flirting with you.”</p><p>“Were you spying on me?” Peter deflected.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Tony’s just like that. He was just being nice. Honestly, that’s it. I don’t know why you think it’s a big deal.”</p><p>“It’s a good thing you’re oblivious because he’s too old for you anyways.”</p><p>“I’m taking out the garbage now.” Peter said.</p><p>Mr. Delmar was delusional suggesting that Tony was interested in him romantically. Peter would’ve laughed if it wasn’t so ridiculous.</p><p>“‘You have my number’,” Mr. Delmar imitated Tony. “Just a friend, my ass.”</p><p>“Oh my God,” Peter protested. Mr. Delmar was just as bad as Ned and MJ with the teasing.</p><p> </p><p>Peter was grateful for the walk home because it granted him time to process the situation. He replayed the words he’d exchanged with Tony in his mind to make sure he hadn’t embarrassed himself more than was typical. The more he thought about it, the more ridiculous Mr. Delmar’s teasing seemed. That had not been flirting. Tony always spoke to him like that. He spoke to everybody like that.</p><p>By the time Peter arrived home, he decided the interaction wasn’t worth analyzing further. What did it even matter? It was embarrassing to get so worked up over nothing. Regardless of who Tony had come to see, or what he’d said, Peter was happy to have seen the man. It meant something to him that Tony had kept his word. Peter left it at that.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tony slid his sunglasses onto his face and got in his car with the Delmar’s Deli and Grocery bag in his hand. He had to take a moment to compose himself after he popped open his energy drink and took a sip. Somehow it tasted better since Peter had sold it to him. The boy was such a sweetheart, and Tony couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked so happy to see him.</p><p>He hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Peter he had a staff meeting to attend. He might’ve blurred the details a bit since it was a lunch meeting with Pepper who was technically staff—if that was an accurate word to describe the COO of his business.</p><p>His company, Stark LLC wasn’t Fortune 500 worthy, but it was successful and earned him more than enough money for his desired lifestyle. Tony owned the chain of Iron Fitness gyms across New York and was looking to expand into the surrounding states. The gyms alone were a source of stable income, but his real money came from buying properties either to resell or rent. Happy always joked that Tony probably owned more of New York than anyone, and that was definitely a stretch, but he was content with what he had, and anything else he earned was a bonus.</p><p>His most lucrative property was the Stark Compound upstate where he hosted yearly retreats for his employees. When he wasn't having his own crew there, it was a wellness resort with a spa and several other amenities that was booked solid for the next two years. Other companies liked to have getaways there for team-building or performance incentives. Other individuals just liked to go for their own enjoyment. Tony didn't discriminate when it came to customers; if they could pay, they were welcome.</p><p>Tony was on his way to lunch with Pepper so he could discuss the upcoming company retreat for all Stark LLC employees—Iron Fitness staff from every location and anyone else on his payroll. Those who couldn’t or didn’t want to come got a bonus cheque and a goodie bag in lieu. Tony tried to be as generous as possible with the people around him, since his employees' hard work was what kept the company going.</p><p>He had considered just telling Peter the truth about his real position at the gym now that they were becoming friends, but he still didn’t know if it was the right time since he’d barely made a dent in improving Peter’s self-esteem. There was a good chance that if Peter found out Tony was training him as an act of kindness instead of for his livelihood, he would refuse Tony’s gesture.</p><p>Tony honestly thought Peter would’ve caught on already since he openly wore his brand name tracksuits to their lessons, and since he hadn’t been at the gym the few times Peter worked out alone. Then there was the issue of him mostly showing up at the gym after Peter and then mostly leaving with Peter after their workout. If Peter noticed that Tony worked minimal hours, he hadn’t mentioned it. Friday had also revealed that she’d referred to him as Mr. Stark to Peter by mistake since she was so used to doing so. Tony was curious to know if Peter was oblivious to the hints, or just explaining them away in his own mind. He would have to remember to ask after Peter found out.</p><p> </p><p>Working with Peter every Tuesday and Friday wasn’t seriously hindering his work performance since he employed a large and diverse enough staff to cover all the bases, but it did mean he had to shift around commitments and put work off until times where he wasn’t busy training.</p><p>Tony thought he could get away with it, but Pepper had noticed something was going on almost immediately.</p><p>Pepper had first accused him of having a new love interest, and then she’d asked him if his interest in the company was diminishing. She had given him no choice but to explain his involvement with Peter Parker.</p><p>He had given her the bare minimum as far as the explanation of who Peter was or how the whole thing had come to pass. All Tony had said was he had a new commitment to work around in his schedule. Pepper had immediately jumped to conclusions and mentioned how the last thing they wanted for Iron Fitness’ reputation right before an expansion was a harassment case. Being that Peter was 17, and that Tony technically had no business training him.</p><p>Tony knew that Pepper would use this lunch as an opportunity to hound him with more questions about Peter, but he couldn’t say that he minded since he understood where Pepper was coming from. She just cared about him and the business, and it was in her nature to need to have as much information about everything as possible. Plus, he sometimes questioned the arrangement he'd made with Peter himself. Maybe talking about it with Pepper would shed some light on his own decisions.</p><p> </p><p>Tony still felt light from his encounter with Peter by the time he made it to Manhattan. The two energy drinks he’d drunk on the way helped the matter also.</p><p>“Why did you bring a sandwich to a lunch meeting?” Pepper sighed in exasperation.</p><p>Tony unwrapped the sandwich Peter had made for him and took a bite. “These fancy restaurants you always pick serve baby portions. This is my appetizer.”</p><p>Pepper shook her head. “And where did you get it from?</p><p>“Delmar’s Deli.”</p><p>“Why exactly would one go to Queens for a sandwich, only to return to Manhattan immediately after to attend a lunch meeting.”</p><p>“That’s an excellent question,” Tony complimented. He hadn’t realized she would know the deli was in Queens. Damn. “I had to get energy drinks.”</p><p>“Right. I forgot they don’t sell those here.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “It’s starting to become a problem.”</p><p>Pepper rolled her eyes. “You went to see that kid didn’t you?”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“I thought you were only training two days a week. You promised that’s all it would be—”</p><p>“He was working,” Tony explained. He took the last bite of his sandwich and crumpled the paper, noting the smiley face Peter had drawn. “I told him I’d come by sometime to check out his boss’ cat.”</p><p>“You realize that sounds ridiculous.”</p><p>“Does it? Sound ridiculous?” Tony asked.</p><p>Pepper’s mood was deteriorating by the minute. She hated getting the run around.</p><p>“Fine.” Tony sipped on his water. “You win. I’ll—ew, this is disgusting. I can’t drink this. It’s <em>sparkling.</em>”</p><p>Pepper laughed. “The bubbles didn’t tip you off?”</p><p>“You’re distracting me,” Tony complained. He gestured to the waiter who then removed the glass and replaced it with a giant glass of diet soda. “Keep ‘em coming.” He pointed at the glass.</p><p>“How old are you again?” Pepper smiled, taking a drink of her wine.</p><p>“Anyway,” Tony continued. “There is no relationship. The kid is 17, and all I’m doing is spending time with him twice a week to help him get healthier.”</p><p>“At the gym,” Tony tacked on. "You already know this."</p><p>Pepper frowned. “Bear with me while I try to understand the story in its entirety. You’ve only given me bits and pieces. So, you meet a kid at the gym by chance while you’re there doing the routine checks, you decide to start driving to Queens twice a week to train him personally when that gym is already way overstaffed with qualified trainers, and now you’re dropping in on him during the weekends.”</p><p>“It’s totally legit,” Tony answered. “He has a fitness binder and everything. We’ve already made progress. I still got it after all these years, Pep.”</p><p>“I don’t understand the logic.” Pepper shook her head. “Just admit you're dating him."</p><p>"I'm not," Tony argued. He did the sign of the cross over his chest. "I swear."</p><p>"If you're not actually doing it, then it sounds like you’re interested, and if that’s the case, why go through all of this? You could've just asked him out on an actual date.”</p><p>Tony sighed. How was he supposed to explain it to Pepper? Explain that Peter was special and someone he wanted to know more, and if anyone asked Peter out, the boy would probably think it was a joke because he was so insecure and down on himself. How to explain that helping Peter get healthier and happier was his priority and worth more to him than the work he was putting off.</p><p>“Because he signed up for a gym membership not a matchmaking session. Anyway, wouldn’t that be harassment and contradict your entire argument?” Tony added.</p><p>Pepper raised her eyebrows. “Good point.” She said begrudgingly.</p><p>“I don’t know, Pepper, dating him wasn’t on my mind when I met him,” Tony admitted. “It's not like that. He’s got five more lessons.” Tony shrugged. “Twice a week? That’s two and a half more weeks. That’s a drop in the bucket. If I could help get him started, inspire him on some level. We probably have a lifelong customer.”</p><p>Pepper took another sip of her wine. “Right. Like I really believe that.”</p><p>“Ugh.” Tony drained half of his soda in one sip. “I like him, okay? He’s a cool kid. And, in case you didn’t notice, I don’t really have much going on in the friends department.”</p><p>Pepper’s face softened.</p><p>“Rhodey’s off lawyering in D.C., you and Happy are paired up, everyone else is part of a couple, and I do not do the third-wheel thing.”</p><p>“What about Bruce, or Bucky,” Pepper mused. “You like them a lot.”</p><p>“Bucky is hard enough to deal with on his own, and with Steve? It’s intolerable. And Bruce is a nice guy, but he’s hard to talk to. Both of them are in Queens anyway,” Tony pointed out. “Just like Peter.”</p><p>“I don’t want to add salt in the wound, but just because you don’t have friends...that you see often, at least. That’s not an excuse to manufacture a situation where you can befriend a teenager. Especially not when it's at work.”</p><p>Tony wasn’t easily hurt, but that one stung. “It’s not like that. Everyone needs to have some sort of bond with their trainer for the whole thing to even be successful. I didn't manufacture anything." He knew he was older than Peter, but what did that have to do with anything? She made it sound like he was creeping around the gym trying to pick Peter up. That was not what was happening.</p><p>“I’m sorry, that sounded harsher than I meant it. I meant to say that you have responsibilities. A business to run. I think there are better ways to grow your social circle than demoting yourself to personal trainer."</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Everything you said is true. How can I argue?”</p><p>“What are you getting out of it, then? You hated personal training. That’s why you became a company owner.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. He understood why Pepper was confused, but he didn’t appreciate the interrogation. Why did everyone need a dissertation explaining all the reasons he made a decision? Bucky had grilled him about it too. Was it really so strange that he wanted to spend time with Peter?</p><p>“I’m not doing this for me. Why would I? All it’s been doing is getting me grief from everyone on my staff and costing me gas money.” Tony could admit to himself that that wasn't quite true. He loved spending time with Peter, but if he said that to Pepper, she'd probably blow a gasket.</p><p>Pepper nodded. “That’s what I mean. It’s causing you trouble, and I’m not denying that I’m being a little aggressive about it. I just want you to be open with me. I’m your friend, Tony.”</p><p>“Peter needs help, and I want to help him,” Tony said. “It makes me happy to see him make progress. He deserves it, and I went to see him in Queens because he told me about a cat his boss keeps in the store, and I wanted to make sure he was staying on track with his diet. That's it. It’s not the nefarious thing you’re making it out to be.”</p><p>“Tony, your actions affect the business. If this is heading toward scandal or lost productivity, I need to know.” Pepper pushed.</p><p>“I’m not some desperate loser that preys on teenagers. There’s no scandal, and anyway, taking two evenings to do this twice a week hardly constitutes productivity loss. The gyms practically run themselves.” Tony leaned back in his seat and wiped a hand over his face. This conversation was exhausting him.</p><p>Pepper considered Tony’s words for a moment. "You really are just trying to help him, aren't you?"</p><p>"That's what I'm trying to say." Tony threw his hands up.</p><p>“Okay, thank you for explaining.”</p><p>Tony narrowed his eyes. "That's it? Just like that?"</p><p>“I understand,” Pepper said. “That’s all I wanted. This wasn’t supposed to be an attack.”</p><p>“You need to work on your technique, then. Jesus. You should’ve been a lawyer,” Tony remarked. "I felt like I was about to crack."</p><p>Pepper smiled. “It's only for a couple more weeks anyway. Right?"</p><p>"That's right," Tony agreed. He frowned. Two more weeks with the kid? That hardly seemed like enough.</p><p>"I was going to suggest hiring a new assistant," Pepper said. "You do have a lot on your plate. More than I realized, especially now with this."</p><p>“We don’t need more people to do the same amount of work. We need more efficiency. Meeting on Saturdays is already getting ridiculous. Why are we even here?” Tony shifted into work mode easily now that Pepper had crawled out of his ass about Peter.</p><p>“That’s…fair,” Pepper agreed. “I can look into rearranging a few things, and maybe we can start Facetiming our meetings.”</p><p>“Nah, if I didn’t see you at the lunch meetings, I wouldn’t see you at all,” Tony admitted.</p><p>Pepper frowned. “Come over for dinner then. Every time we invite you, you say you’re busy.”</p><p>Tony chuckled. “Fine. I’ll come, but I’m not talking about work.”</p><p>Pepper grimaced. “I’ll try.”</p><p>“That’s all I can ask.”</p><p>"So," Pepper said. "How are things with the kid, then? Is it...rewarding?"</p><p>"Oh definitely. He's a quick learner. Tries hard."</p><p>Pepper nodded politely.</p><p>"Do you really think it's that sketchy to be his friend?" Tony asked after a moment.</p><p>Pepper looked caught off guard by the vulnerability.</p><p>"I don't know, Tony. If it's like you say, and you don't have any ulterior motives, then maybe it's kind of...unconventional, but not sketchy."</p><p>Tony huffed.</p><p>"I am sorry for getting so worked up about it," Pepper offered. "It just didn't seem like you to do something like this, so I thought maybe something else was going on. Obviously I was wrong."</p><p>"Obviously," Tony echoed. He tried not to show it on his face, but it wasn't nice to hear that going out of his way to help someone was out of character. Did Pepper really think he was such a piece of shit? He thought back to Peter's smile when he'd seen him at the counter. No wonder he got along with the kid so well; Peter saw nothing but good in him. And, as far as Tony was concerned, he didn't see anything but good in Peter. Why couldn't they at least be friends? Nothing wrong with that.</p><p>He could hardly wait until Tuesday.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I edited, revised, rewrote, and changed this chapter tons of times because it wasn't getting across everything I wanted it to. Hopefully I got it right this time, even with small info-dump at the beginning of Tony's POV and the bit of angst at the end. Tony needs Peter just as much as Peter needs him, and as Kronk would say, "Oh yeah, it's all coming together".</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Conversation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The seventh lesson. Tony and Peter get to know each other a little more.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all again for your kind words and kudos, and thank you even if you're just silently following along. xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the remainder of the weekend and all of Monday and Tuesday, Peter wondered if his session with Tony would be awkward because of the Saturday visit at Delmar’s. He was so socially inept, that it genuinely troubled him to think about bringing it up. Should he say anything? Ask Tony what he thought of the place or the sandwich? <em>Oh God, what if he didn’t like it?</em> <em>It probably had way too many pickles on it. Stupid.<br/></em></p><p>Peter’s dilemma troubled him further when he remembered how Mr. Delmar had teased him about Tony. He considered telling Tony about the old man’s ridiculous suggestion as a self-deprecating joke like, “Can you believe Mr. Delmar actually thought you were flirting with me? I tried to set him straight, but he insisted. He even said you were too old for me. Isn’t that funny?”</p><p>Peter decided against it, though. Against all of it. He didn’t want to mention the encounter, and he definitely didn’t want to mention Mr. Delmar’s opinions. If he had to see the appalled look on Tony’s face or hear him agree with how ridiculous it was, he probably wouldn’t recover.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Tony had another track suit on with interlacing Gs. Peter was positive the pattern meant it was Gucci from what little he knew of fashion, but it didn’t make sense for a personal trainer to be able to afford that kind of thing unless they were getting paycheques from somewhere else. Peter smiled at the thought of Tony being a social media influencer or something. Maybe the Gucci was from a sponsored brand deal, or it could’ve been a knock off. He didn’t know how to tell.</p><p>“Nice track suit,” Peter commented mostly just for something to say. Also partially to see if Tony would explain how he got it.</p><p>“Oh, this old thing?” Tony winked. “Your outfit’s not too shabby either.”</p><p>Peter didn’t even grace that with a response. His Wal-Mart joggers and ‘Find x’ shirt weren’t doing him any favours.</p><p>“That shirt is cute,” Tony added.</p><p>Peter ignored the compliment except for grimacing at the man. He was sure that Tony was just trying to be nice. At the store, his choices had been between the shirt with the geometry joke, or one with a pizza divided a la Vitruvian Man. He’d gone with the geometry graphic since wearing clothing with food on it wasn’t a good look for him. That being said, his Find x shirt didn’t too much for him since it was white. He preferred black, but his selections were limited by his size, so he hadn’t had much say in the matter. Discount racks weren't full of options.</p><p>“Anyway, are there any shocking developments or revelations since our last lesson that you want to share with me, or do you want to get right into the weigh-in?”</p><p>“That’s a very interesting question, and I'm glad you brought it up." Peter began seriously. "The main problem with the situation is that there are various implications to consider." Peter did his best impression of school discussion board response. Not that Tony would even know what the hell he was talking about. Peter shook his head at himself and replaced his serious expression with a smile.</p><p>Tony returned the smile, looking amused as always.</p><p>“I guess we might as well get right into it. Stalling isn’t going to change the number," Peter decided.</p><p>“I’ve taught you so well.”</p><p> </p><p>“I only lost one pound.” Peter hung his head miserably. He didn’t want to face Tony. After all the exercise and the calorie counting, this is what he had to show for himself? “This is pathetic,” Peter complained. “I’m going to be fat and disgusting forever.”</p><p>
  <em>How humiliating. </em>
</p><p>“I’ll just stop you right there,” Tony argued. “I let your grimace slide, but that’s enough.”</p><p>Peter stepped off the scale and began to put his shoes back on. “What?” He glanced at Tony, challenging him.</p><p>“I’m not gonna stand by and listen to you insult yourself,” Tony explained. “It pisses me off. You’re working hard, trying to make a change, and you’re doing your best. If anyone else called you fat or pathetic, I’d knock their teeth out, and I’m not gonna let you say it either. Got it?”</p><p>Peter crossed his arms. “But I’m not saying anything that’s not true. I’m large. It’s just an empirical fact.”</p><p>“Yeah? Good for you.” Tony shook his head. “You’re empirically stubborn. Allow me to let you in on a little secret, kid. Losing weight doesn’t make self-hatred go away. Why do you think people with anorexia starve until they’re skin and bone? They’re thin enough, aren't they? It’s not just about the number on the scale.”</p><p>Peter wanted to argue, but he didn’t know what to say.</p><p>“Once you’re ‘not large’,” Tony continued, “what do you think will happen? You’ll reach a magic number and all of a sudden everything is sunshine and rainbows? You’ll find new reasons to hate yourself. Trust me. You have to change your way of thinking, fix your skewed perspective, and try at least liking yourself, Pete, or losing this weight isn’t gonna do a damn thing.”</p><p>“It’s easy for you to say,” Peter disagreed. “You’ve never been like this. You don’t know what it’s like to walk down the hallway and see the disgust on everyone’s faces. To go shopping for clothes and know that if the biggest size doesn’t fit, you’re screwed. Or what it’s like to pay extra for clothes from the Big and Tall section when you’re not even tall!” He knew losing weight wouldn’t fix everything, but it was a good fucking start.</p><p>Tony frowned. “No, but at least you don’t have an incurable disease or an illness beyond your control. You’re overweight, and you can undo it, and you are undoing it. You lost one pound since last week, and if my math is correct that’s more than zero.”</p><p>Peter mashed his lips together. “Fine.” He was sick of arguing. Wasting time fighting with Tony wasn’t going to get him anywhere.</p><p>“Fine what?” Tony pressed.</p><p>“I’m glad I lost one pound, and…I’d like to keep going.” Ugh, if there was one thing Peter hated, it was conceding in an argument, but losing the argument was going to help him win in the long run. He didn’t have to like what Tony was saying to understand it.</p><p>“Don’t do me any favours.”</p><p>“Don’t push it, Tony,” Peter said. “You’re not going to cure me in one day, and definitely not by yelling at me either.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows and angled his head forward. “I wasn’t yelling.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “Whatever lets you sleep at night.”</p><p>“Sleep? I haven’t heard that name in years.”</p><p>Peter laughed. He supposed Tony was right, but it was irritating to be called out. Whenever he made fat jokes to Ned and MJ they just laughed. May would just look sympathetic and rub his shoulders, or maybe tell him to think positive. He had never been stood up for against himself before. It was a strange concept. Tony actually cared enough to stop him from insulting himself? Maybe Tony had a point. Calling himself names wasn’t going to make him lose more weight or become any happier—if it was going to, it certainly would have worked by now.</p><p>Peter pulled at his shirt, feeling a little guilty for getting snippy with Tony. He hoped Tony wasn't too annoyed with him.</p><p>“By the way, the sandwich you made me on Saturday was exquisite," Tony complimented.</p><p>Peter couldn’t help but feel relieved to hear that since he'd been wondering about it. “There weren’t too many pickles?”</p><p>Tony's expression turned playful. “No, but if there were any more, I’d have to start calling you Peter Piper."</p><p>Peter frowned for a moment before he understood what Tony was referencing.</p><p>“Pickled peppers and pickles aren’t the same thing,” Peter argued.</p><p>“Semantics.” Tony waved.</p><p> </p><p>Next, Tony took his measurements and smugly pointed out that he was smaller than the week before.</p><p>“See, the scale isn’t the only thing that matters. Your weight can plateau, but the measuring tape will set you straight.”</p><p>“Consider me set straight then, congratulations,” Peter said. He sounded sarcastic, but he was in agreement. He just couldn’t help but be snarky around Tony since they shared the same sense of humour.</p><p>“There’s a joke to be made here,” was all Tony said.</p><p>Peter laughed. He thought he knew what Tony meant. He had vaguely told Tony he was bi, and it hadn’t been brought up since. He still wondered about Tony even if he wasn’t allowing himself to have a crush. The man seemed open about all the male gym employees with boyfriends, so he was at least supportive of different sexualities, but Peter didn’t know if that meant anything about Tony’s own orientation. He let it drop along with all the other questions he was too scared to ask.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>By the time they got to the workout portion of their lesson, it was already 6, then Tony worked with him until 7, so he could have a full hour of exercise, and then they met in the office again after that for the homework assignment. Peter didn’t get out of the gym until nearly 8.</p><p>“Is your aunt coming to get you?”</p><p>“No, I’m walking again,” Peter answered. “She’s at a different gym with her work friends tonight.”</p><p>“Which gym?”</p><p>“The Iron Fitness in Richmond Hill,” Peter explained. “She was supposed to sign up with me here because it’s closer to our place, but the group wanted the other one.”</p><p>“You got ditched, huh?”</p><p>Peter laughed. “It’s okay, she doesn’t have many friends, and we see enough of each other at home as it is. It’s probably good we’re doing it separate. You know, not being so co-dependent.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “I was going to say if she has a membership to Iron Fitness, they’re good at any location, and she could train here with you, or join us in a session.”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said. “Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe sometime.” Peter thought back to how Tony had commented on May’s lovely voice the first night she picked him up, and now Tony was asking about her again. Peter was starting to get a clearer picture of Tony’s type.</p><p>“Come on, I’ll walk home with you,” Tony suggested. “Since you have an aversion to rides. Call it a compromise.”</p><p>Peter furrowed his brows at the accusation. He didn’t have an aversion to rides—if he did, maybe he wouldn’t be so overweight—he just felt guilty accepting them from Tony.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Peter thought of how he’d asked Tony for a rain check on the ride home from work. He didn’t mind cashing it in on a walk.</p><p>“I don’t offer things unless I’m sure. Let’s go, Pete.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The walk from the gym to his apartment building wasn’t more than twenty minutes, but Peter had never spent so much time with Tony before, so it felt like longer. It was nice that Tony didn’t rush him in and out to keep their sessions exactly an hour. Tony obviously cared about his job which Peter admired. Peter made a mental note that to ask Tony how he was able to leave work in the middle of a shift to go for a random walk. He hoped Tony wasn’t using his break for this. Another thing to add to the pile of things that made him feel guilty.</p><p>“How’s school going?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter laughed. “Is that in the adult’s handbook of what to ask people under 25?”</p><p>“Yes, smartass.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Peter answered. “I don’t know. School is school.”</p><p>“You’re graduating in a couple months, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter sighed.</p><p>“So, any plans?”</p><p>Peter ducked his head. “It’s nothing impressive.”</p><p>“I didn’t ask you to impress me.”</p><p>“I got early acceptance to NYU,” Peter explained.</p><p>“Hmm. That sounds impressive to me. Am I missing something?”</p><p>Peter hesitated. “I’m thinking of deferring, so getting in doesn’t really matter.”</p><p>“Why’s that?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter admitted. “I guess I just don’t feel ready for college. I have no idea what to study.”</p><p>“What are you good at?”</p><p>“Is it bad to say everything?” Peter’s perspective wasn’t as skewed as Tony had accused it of being. He could admit his strengths, or strength, rather. School.</p><p>Tony laughed. “You’re the best.”</p><p>Peter didn’t answer.</p><p>“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Tony said, “but is it the money that’s an issue?”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. “Honestly, yeah. That’s part of it, but I got offered some scholarships. Still, I would have to put in more hours at Delmar’s, or find a second job, and then think about finding an apartment in the city…it’s just a lot when you add it all up.”</p><p>Tony nodded to acknowledge his words, but he didn’t say anything.</p><p>“That’s why I want to be absolutely sure of what I want to take before I go through all the trouble. And, yeah, deferring takes some paperwork, but I don’t know. I’m still thinking about all my options.”</p><p>“That’s fair.”</p><p>Peter didn’t know if he should say more, but Tony was a good listener and hadn’t jumped down his throat to say he was stupid to defer like everyone else had. Even Ned and MJ thought he was crazy even thinking about not going to college with his grades and scholarships.</p><p>“Plus, you know. I didn’t want to go to college at this weight, and I know what you’re gonna say, so don’t. It’s just the truth. I know I don’t have to put my life on hold until I lose weight. I get it. I've heard that before."</p><p>“I was going to say that it's a bit of a grey area," Tony began. "I know that this goes beyond not liking how you look. Your mental well-being is a valid concern, and if you’re miserable while you’re trying to learn whether it's because of your weight, or whatever, it’s not gonna do you much good to go to college. There’s a difference between getting out of your comfort zone and torturing yourself.”</p><p>Peter nodded in agreement. He was so happy that Tony understood that it wasn't as simple as "pushing yourself" for the sake of it.</p><p>“I considered online classes, but I don’t know about that. If I wanted to learn online, I’d just read Wikipedia.”</p><p>“You just gotta follow your instincts, kid,” Tony said. “If you’re as smart as I think you are, then your decision not to go to college right away is probably sound. Make the choice that’s best for you, and that’s it.”</p><p>Peter smiled at Tony. “You’re not gonna lecture me about how I can do whatever I put my mind to, and that I’d be crazy to put off school?”</p><p>“Colleges aren’t going anywhere, and you’re never too old for them to take your money.”</p><p>Peter laughed at that.</p><p>“You’ll figure it out, Pete. I’m sure of it.”</p><p>“Can I ask you something that you totally don’t have to answer?” Tony added before Peter could say anything else.</p><p>Peter’s eyes flashed to Tony. His stomach flipped. He hated when people said things like “can I ask you a question” or “I need to talk to you”.</p><p>“Uhh, sure. Yeah.”</p><p>“Why do you live with your aunt?”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said, relieved. “That’s fine.”</p><p>Tony waited.</p><p>“My parents died when I was young, so my aunt and uncle took me in, it’s no big deal." Peter shrugged. "Then Ben passed away a few years ago, so it’s just me and May now.”</p><p>“Shit,” Tony said. “That sucks.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “It does.”</p><p>“I’m old, so it probably doesn’t hit as hard to find out my parents are dead too. I was about the age you are now.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Peter said. “It still sucks no matter what your age is.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony mused.</p><p>Peter thought Tony looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t.</p><p>After a moment, Tony nudged Peter. “Enough of this sad talk, anyway. Who even brought it up? My gosh”</p><p>“Hmm. I wonder,” Peter said. He was glad that Tony didn’t use the unfortunate events in his life to segue into a conversation about emotional eating. Having dead parents didn’t make him want to overeat. It was his poor self-control more than anything else. He wasn’t going to blame anyone else for what was his fault.</p><p> </p><p>Tony and Peter walked a few more minutes, and then they were in front of Peter’s building.</p><p>“I’d offer you to come up, but the place is kind of a mess,” Peter admitted. He didn’t think Tony would care, but it was still embarrassing. Plus, he couldn’t imagine being alone with Tony in his tiny apartment. He would find a way to make it awkward. He doubted Tony would really be interested in a tour, anyway.</p><p>“That’s cool. Another time,” Tony said. “Show me your window from here.”</p><p>Peter grinned and pointed. “We’re on the seventh floor.”</p><p>“Isn’t that lucky?”</p><p>Peter glanced at Tony. Maybe he wasn’t doing so well with the not liking him thing. It was unbelievably hard not to let himself have a crush. Tony was exceptional. He was talented, smart, and attractive, sure, but more than that, Peter liked the way Tony made him feel. He was understanding and encouraging, never judgemental.</p><p>“Thanks for walking me home,” Peter said shyly. “It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”</p><p>“Yeah, anytime,” Tony said. “Free therapy sessions in this economy…can’t beat it.”</p><p>Peter laughed again. “See you Friday.”</p><p>“See you then.”</p><p>Peter unlocked the front door and walked into the building. He looked back to catch a glimpse of Tony walking away, but he was still standing on the sidewalk. Peter blushed and waved bye.</p><p>Tony returned the gesture and left.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter cleaned his room while he waited for May to get home from the gym. Imagining showing Tony around his apartment in its current state had inspired him to organize some of the chaos of his shed clothing, schoolwork, underway LEGO projects, and computer components. He had lost five pounds so far, and as much as he wanted to get started on culling his wardrobe to get rid of the larger sized pieces, he had to settle for rehanging them in the closet. He wasn’t quite there, yet.</p><p>Once the clothes were off the floor, the room looked almost habitable. Tony had included the suggestion for Peter to clean his room on the list of binge-avoiding strategies, and he hadn’t seen how that could stop him from eating, but now he got it. Cleaning was relaxing, and it made him feel in control of his decision-making—where to hang this shirt, whether to recycle this piece of paper, how many books on his shelf was too much.</p><p>May peeked in the door to say hi when she got home. “Wow, Pete. Looks great in here.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Peter said. “I didn’t really have anything to do after the gym, so I sort of just started this.”</p><p>May smiled. “What time did you get back?”</p><p>“Uhh.” Peter thought. “I think around 8:30?”</p><p>“Why so late?”</p><p>“Today was weigh-in day, and then Tony had lots of homework to look over, then by the time I showered and met with him after, and then we walked here…I don’t know. Just took a while.”</p><p>“He walked home with you?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter said. “He’s like you. Worried about me walking alone at night. Plus, I think he was hoping to see you.”</p><p>May’s face scrunched. “Excuse me?”</p><p>“He asked me if you were coming to pick me up, and when I said you were at the gym too, he said maybe you could train with us sometime. Then he offered to walk with me. Probably since he wouldn’t be able to talk to you through the car window again.” Peter was trying to tease, but he missed the mark.</p><p>May inclined her head. “How do you figure he likes me from that?”</p><p>“Before, when you guys met. He said you had a lovely voice.” Peter shrugged. “It’s obvious.”</p><p>“Peter, honey. You—” May shook her head. “First of all, he does not like me. He was being polite by asking you about the people in your life, and he said I probably had a lovely phone voice. It was a joke. Second of all, if he did like me, that would be strange because he doesn’t know me, and I’m not looking for anyone. Third of all, I wouldn’t do that to you.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “Do what to me?”</p><p>“You like Tony,” May explained.</p><p>Peter went to protest, but May spoke again. “Even if you won’t admit it.”</p><p>Peter felt the irritation prickling his skin. He took a breath before he answered, considering May’s assessment. He had told himself he wouldn’t let this happen, that he would protect himself and not get any grandiose ideas. False hope. Tony Stark would never like him as more than a client and maybe a friend if he was lucky.</p><p>“It’s nothing,” Peter replied. “He’s, you know, a lot older than me. I don’t even know if he’s single, anyway, and it’s just a crush, or whatever. You know. It’ll go away.” Just because they had a couple things in common didn’t mean they didn’t have several differences.</p><p>May smiled without showing any teeth. “If you ever want to talk about it with me, you can.”</p><p>“Yeah, maybe,” Peter accepted. “Seriously, though, May. It’s nothing. Once our lessons stop, we probably won’t even speak. Like you said. He’s just polite.”</p><p>May didn’t say anything for a moment. “Okay, well, I’ll leave you to your cleaning. Want me to make you something to eat? I know it’s late, but—”</p><p>“Nah that’s okay, but thanks. Maybe we can go out tomorrow after you’re done work.”</p><p>“Yeah.” May perked up. “For sure. I get done at 5. I’ll pick you up here, and we can go.”</p><p>“Perfect.”</p><p>Once May closed the door, Peter continued cleaning. He glanced at his empty snack bin once and pursed his lips. He was grateful he’d had the foresight to get it the hell out of his room, but even if he hadn’t, he could feel that it wouldn’t have changed his choice this time. He was done running for food every time he had to deal with an uncomfortable emotion.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think this is one of my fave chapters so far. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Validation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter's eighth and ninth lessons with Tony.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*The briefest mention of self-harm* (not explicit action. just a one-word mention)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter was content while he sat across from May in the shawarma restaurant. Having a set plan to eat out instead of being caught off guard by an invitation or going in the heat of the moment during a craving was relaxing to Peter. He’d already anticipated what meal he would get and how many calories he would allow himself. It took the anxiety and the fear of the unknown away.</p><p>Tony had suggested always leaving that wiggle room for special occasions or just for the hell of it. If he needed to eat 2000 calories to give him a one pound a week loss, and if he needed to eat 2450 to maintain his current weight, then there was no harm in eating in that range, especially combined with exercise. Going over 2000 wasn’t “ruining his diet”; it was lessening his deficit. Similarly, eating 2450 wouldn’t hinder his progress, but actually make his goal more achievable since it wasn’t so restrictive. And, if he ate more for some reason, he knew he didn’t have to become unhinged and gobble up 10,000 calories just to make it worth his while. He would pick himself up and get back on track without entering the cycle of binge, guilt, restrict.</p><p>“Talk to me, Peter. You're quiet.” May looked at him with hopeful eyes.</p><p>Peter shrugged. He was always quiet while he was eating, and besides, there wasn't a whole lot to say about his life since he was sure she probably didn’t want to hear about school, and any time he mentioned Tony or the gym she acted weird. Peter didn’t consider himself a secretive person, but he was selective with what he shared with May because most things stressed her out. Finally admitting to her that he was considering deferring school hadn’t gone over well, and telling her about Tony walking him home had resulted in an awkward conversation. He couldn’t imagine if she found out about the cutting, or the severity of his self-loathing. They existed in a complicated dance of trying to say the right thing in attempt to avoid hurting the other’s feelings; once the topics that would bother Peter were taken away from May’s repertoire of conversation, and once the things that would upset May were taken out of Peter’s, there was very little left to talk about.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter tried. “What about you? How’s working out with the people you work with working out for you?”</p><p>May laughed. “It’s amazing.”</p><p>Peter nodded. How nice.</p><p>“Have you tried yoga at all with Tony?”</p><p>“No,” Peter answered. “I don’t know if I wanna do any classes. At least not yet.”</p><p>“Maybe after your lessons with him are over you can come with me and the girls.”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. Tony had mentioned his membership was good at all locations, and he’d only considered the idea of May going to his, not the other way around. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to a different gym. Not only because he liked the independence from May, but also because he felt a certain loyalty to the gym he’d started at, and to the people who’d welcomed him from the beginning. Even once his lessons with Tony were done, if he continued going to the Iron Fitness in Forest Hills, then at least he had a chance to see him once in a while.</p><p>“It’s an idea,” Peter said. “I like the people at mine, so I don’t know if I’d want to switch.”</p><p>“Okay,” May said. “That’s fine…Why don’t you tell me about them?”</p><p>“Well, there’s Bucky. He’s nice and has a metal arm.”</p><p>May gave Peter the surprised reaction he’d been expecting. “A metal arm? You’re kidding.”</p><p>“No.” Peter shook his head. “It looks so badass.”</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>“And there’s Thor who’s…sort of hard to explain.” Peter twisted his lips to one side while he thought. “He’s like 6’4, huge, and British, but also one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.”</p><p>May smiled.</p><p>“Anyone cool at your gym?” Peter wondered.</p><p>“Just the yoga instructor. During Savasana she literally makes everyone fall asleep.” May shook her head in wonder. “I swear she’s like a hypnotist or something.”</p><p>“Hmm.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter recorded everything he consumed in the notes app on his phone, so he could enter it in his journal later. After a few weeks of counting, he was still satisfied with doing it on paper. Peter had the caloric values of his deficit and maintenance in his head, and he was getting better at calorie counting, so making the choice that would leave him both satisfied and on track was simple.</p><p>The entire dinner went well, and he had a good time with May, but he saw how easy it was to fall back into old habits. He barely registered what he was doing when he started reaching for the leftover food on May’s plate. A few bites of falafel and pita, and some stray French fries. He aborted his moment and a blush crept up his neck and face. He was glad May hadn’t been watching, but it was still shameful for him.  </p><p>He eyed the food and realized it would’ve added close to 150 extra calories to his total for dinner. Peter frowned when he considered how many extra calories he’d consumed over the years just by eating everyone’s castoffs. After that thought crossed his mind, he knew he was in no danger of eating it. He wasn’t necessarily disgusted by what he’d done, but the awareness of his choices and the consequences of indulging made him disappointed that he hadn’t sought help earlier.</p><p>He was glad when the worker came to take their plates away since it meant he didn’t have to look at it anymore.</p><p>“How was everything?” The man asked, looking pointedly at May.</p><p>“Wonderful, thank you.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Peter scrunched his nose when the guy didn’t go away and asked if May wanted dessert on the house. He tried not to be offended that he wasn’t asked.</p><p>“Everywhere we go,” Peter sighed. “How do you do that?”</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“You always get hit on.” Peter blushed. “Even—” <em>Even Tony likes you after meeting you once. </em></p><p>“I don’t know, Peter.” May shifted in her chair. “I wish they wouldn’t. It makes me uncomfortable.”</p><p>Peter didn’t say anything. It wasn’t like he was angry at May, but it hurt to have his beliefs about how undesirable he was confirmed. Nobody ever hit on him.</p><p>Refraining from cleaning off May’s plate felt like even more of a victory after that blow.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter felt like something had clicked after his walk home with Tony after Tuesday’s lesson. It was unfortunate since they were nearing the end of their time together, but Peter was finally in the groove of his routine in and out of the gym, and more comfortable with Tony. He was still self-conscious in front of the man, but it was getting easier to let it go since Tony hadn’t even come close to breaking his trust.</p><p>Peter found he concentrated less on his facial expressions and angles, and more on his technique and form. It was difficult, but he was starting to feel more secure at the gym. It had a lot to do with knowing what he was doing. Knowledge really was power as far as Peter was concerned.</p><p>Even when Tony brought up touchier subjects or corrected Peter—whether it be his form, his negative self talk, or a misconception about dieting—he didn’t feel ashamed or attacked. It was nice that Tony wasn’t overly careful with him; he was tactful, but not afraid to bring things up in fear of hurting his feelings. Peter needed the firm but fair approach, and he could admit that he was sensitive. He appreciated that Tony tried his best to be delicate.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“So, I sort of have some good news,” Peter began. He had just gotten off the rowing machine for his cardio bit, and Tony was going to start him on the squat rack since he was getting the hang of the more basic training they’d done.</p><p>“Did you sign up for more lessons?”</p><p>Peter huffed. “I said good news.”</p><p>Tony put a hand over his heart. “Ouch.”</p><p>Peter didn’t specify that his joke wasn’t an insult. If he’d signed up for more lessons with the man, that would’ve constituted great news.</p><p>Tony laughed when Peter gestured for him to keep guessing. “Win the lottery?”</p><p>“Not old enough to gamble.”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Tony said. “Uhh…aced a test?”</p><p>“Yes, but no.”</p><p>“You got me, then. I’m out of guesses. What’s the news?”</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure if he should even bother bringing it up because he didn’t want to be congratulated for every morsel of food he refrained from inhaling, but it was a goal he’d set with Tony, so he figured the man would want to know.</p><p>“I went out to eat with May,” Peter explained. “I wasn’t even thinking when I did it, but I went to finish the food on her plate, and then I realized what I was doing, and I stopped. I know it’s not that big of a deal, but I—”</p><p>“Pete, are you kidding? Give yourself some credit.” Tony held up his hand for a high-five. “That’s spectacular. Stopping yourself especially when you’re on auto-pilot like that is tough.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Peter smacked Tony’s hand in triumph.</p><p>“Seriously, I commend you for your restraint.” Tony complimented. “Especially depending on what kind of food it was.”</p><p>“It was shawarma.”</p><p>Tony widened his eyes. “Oh my gosh, we might have to call it right here because the student has pretty much surpassed the master at this point. Even I don’t know if I could do that.”</p><p>Peter ducked his head. He was sure Tony was over-exaggerating what a big deal it was, but he still appreciated it. Tony’s enthusiasm never felt mocking to him.</p><p>“Thanks, Tony.”</p><p>“You bet.”</p><p>“I was kind of thinking maybe now that I’m getting a better handle on the calories and the numbers maybe I could start incorporating something new into my routine.”</p><p>Peter tried not to portray it outwardly, but he was hesitant to ask Tony this. He knew it seemed ridiculous that he should be overconfident about the handle he had on counting calories and dieting when it had only been a couple of weeks since his last binge, but he pushed through his anxiety nonetheless. If Tony didn’t think he was ready, he would just say that, and Peter would understand because he thought the same thing, if he was being honest. It was always in the back of his head that any day might be the day he slipped up again, but something told him that Tony would be encouraging.</p><p>Tony stroked his beard. “You’re a month in. You really only just got started with the deficit. Are you sure you want to up the ante so soon?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter decided. “Yes. Even if I just learn more information to put into practice later. I want to have more tools available to me since you’re not gonna be training me forever.”</p><p>Peter knew that it was always a possibility he could make a mistake and overeat, or even binge—he was more clear on the difference after talking with Tony about it—but knowing more about nutrition wouldn’t be a bad thing regardless of where his weightloss journey took him.</p><p>Tony smirked. “Once you start something, you really like to sink your teeth into it, don’t you?”</p><p>Peter smiled. “I don’t know. I like learning.”</p><p>“Fine, you’ve convinced me,” Tony remarked. “We’ll talk about it more later.”</p><p>“Cool.” Peter positioned himself near the squat rack and waited for further instruction.</p><p>“Scoot, this is a no parking zone,” Tony joked. “I’m gonna show you the movement, and then you can try.”</p><p>Peter giggled. Tony had probably used the no parking joke at least a dozen times since they’d been training together. It was still funny no matter how many times the man said it.</p><p>“You know,” Peter began, “there’s a stark contrast between this exercise and the one we were just doing.”</p><p>Tony grinned and started on his demo. Watching Tony lifting heavy weights always did the trick and shut Peter right up.</p><p> </p><p>Tony was right about Peter. He enjoyed numbers and scientific processes, and he was talented at school, so learning about health and fitness was right up his alley. Reducing the emotional attachment Peter had with food and reconfiguring his unhealthy habits was going to be the key to his success, and half the battle was knowing how to do it properly which is where Tony came in. Tony could only help so much by giving Peter the proper tools, and Peter had to do the rest by using them properly.</p><p>Peter was glad Tony was giving him the chance to learn more. He caught onto concepts quickly and consequently became bored with them just as fast if he didn’t have more advanced information to take in. He had counting calories and basic exercises down, and he wanted to set the bar higher and boost his progress.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell you what,” Tony said after Peter finished with the squats. “I’ll set you up an appointment with our dietitian, Val. She’s great. You’ll love her.”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter tried to hide his disappointment. “It wouldn’t be you?”</p><p>Tony’s lips quirked. “It could be, but I can admit when someone’s better for the job than I am, and she’s your girl when it comes to nutrition. The things she can do with protein powder would blow your mind.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed. He wasn’t going to turn down help even if it wasn’t from Tony.</p><p>“Really, I should’ve set you up with her sooner,” Tony admitted. “Just to give you a different perspective on things. Fill in the gaps in case I’ve missed anything.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. He was completely fine with Tony’s perspective being the only one he got. It had already found him success, and Tony, with his endless patience and knowledge, made him feel so comfortable and safe. “I doubt you’ve missed anything,” Peter said. “Probably doesn’t mean much coming from me since I don’t know what I don’t know, but everything you’ve taught me so far checks out.”</p><p>Tony smiled. “Aww. Thanks, Pete. You warm my heart.”</p><p>Tony ended up setting him up for an appointment with Val at 4 before his next session. Despite not loving that Tony wouldn’t be the one to supplement his training, he found himself looking forward to hearing what Val had to say.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s Saturday shift at Delmar’s was disappointing since Tony didn’t make an appearance—not that Peter had expected him to, it was just that Tony’s visit had set a precedent that was difficult to live up to. Work was boring without a visit from Tony.</p><p>Still, every shift Peter made it through without stuffing his face with sandwich makings was a success in his book. Working in food service while battling an eating disorder wasn’t ideal. Really, Peter wasn’t even sure if he struggled with a full-blown eating disorder, or if he just lacked self-control. Maybe a bit of both; it was hard to draw a neat line between regular indulging and overindulging. It was exactly why he was glad he’d be talking to a dietitian, an expert in eating disorders who could shed some light on his predicament. Whether he had binge eating disorder or just liked to overeat once in a while, it was at least clear that he needed help if he’d allowed himself to become seventy pounds overweight.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter was nervous to meet Val, but he reminded himself that everyone at the gym had been nice to him so far—including Nebula who would sometimes nod at him when they passed one another—so Val probably wouldn’t be bad, and he trusted that Tony wouldn’t have thrown him to the sharks.</p><p>He arrived at Iron Fitness for his 4 o’clock appointment already dressed in his gym clothes since he’d walked and planned to walk home after. Peter expected to see Tony there since their session wouldn’t be too much later, but he wasn’t. Not for the first time, he was tempted to hack into the gym’s desktop where the staff schedule was probably kept just so he could see when Tony’s work hours were since they never crossed paths. It was odd.</p><p>Peter walked into yet another unfamiliar portion of the gym where the rest of the employee offices were located. On the way, he glanced at the office where he and Tony usually convened. The door was closed, so maybe Tony was consulting with someone else? Peter’s knee-jerk reaction was to be jealous of whoever was meeting with Tony, but he tried to think about how good it was that if someone else was struggling the way he was, they’d have Tony’s help.</p><p> </p><p>The door that said Val Kyrie with <em>Registered Dietitian</em> beneath it was open, so Peter knocked and peeked in to see a tall, muscular woman. Iron Fitness was starting to look like it was one Zoolander short of being a modelling agency since everyone who worked there was so ridiculously good looking.</p><p>“Hi, you must be Peter.”</p><p>Peter smiled. She was yet another employee at Iron Fitness with an accent. “Hi, um, Miss Kyrie? Yeah. I’m Peter.”</p><p>“That’s great, call me Val.”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows at the woman’s casual manner. She walked around to the front of her desk and sat on it while he occupied the chair.</p><p>“I like your tattoos,” Peter offered. Val had sleeves that extended from the sides of her neck all the way down to her wrists. She even had a couple random tattoos on her face. Looking back on the cluster of employees he’d met at the gym thus far, he realized he’d been obtuse not to expect someone so edgy.  </p><p>“Thanks,” Val said cheerily.</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“All right, then, Tony said you were getting bored with just calorie counting and wanted a bit of an upgrade.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Peter nodded. He liked that she got straight to the point.</p><p>“Okay,” Val said. “We can work on that. Your macros, how to get enough protein, that fun stuff. And you struggle with binge eating, yes?”</p><p>Peter grimaced. “Uhm. Yeah. I guess.” He didn’t like the idea of Tony telling Val that when he was setting up the appointment, but it was the truth, and if she was going to help him properly, she’d have to know.</p><p>Val shrugged. “Hey, no big deal.” She nudged his shoulder playfully.</p><p>Peter noted that she was extremely strong. He felt a bruise blooming already.</p><p>“I’ve been sober for ten years,” Val added. “And I have some stories from my dark days that would make your hair curl. Well, your hair is kinda wavy as it is, so maybe not the best example. Still, you don’t have be worried about me judging you—about your food issues, at least. I can’t make any promises when it comes to things like your taste in music.”</p><p>Peter laughed. Tony had been right; Val was great.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Val taught him all about the breakdown of carbs, proteins, and fats, and which combinations were best in a diet depending on your goals or individual preferences. She’d mixed him up a few different protein shakes and given him some protein bars to take home and try. Protein would be important for retaining and building muscle mass. Since he was in a caloric deficit, he probably wouldn't be getting ripped anytime soon, but eating a high protein diet was extra insurance that a caloric deficit wouldn’t decrease muscle and bone mass, but fat. She’d explained that many people cut back too fast and didn’t bother to increase protein levels in their diet, so most of the weight loss showing on the scale wasn’t fat going away, but water weight and other things that didn’t need to be going away.</p><p>Other important advice he’d gotten from her was that binge eating was the most common eating disorder, and it could affect people of any age, gender, ethnicity, or social class. If so many people could struggle with what he was struggling with, then it meant he wasn’t alone, and his problems felt less insurmountable.</p><p>He felt even better when she mentioned meeting again in another few weeks to talk again. Initially, he’d been upset that Tony wouldn’t be the one teaching him more about the food side of things, but Val was clearly an expert in that area while Tony was best at exercise and moral support. And having two people for different types of support and expertise could only be a good thing.</p><p>Peter was surprised when Tony came to collect him from the office—his appointment had gone all the way to 5:30 which he hadn’t anticipated.</p><p>“Hey, Pete.” Tony stood in the doorway just as he had the first time they met when he’d been chatting with Bucky.</p><p>“Tony,” Peter greeted. “Hey.”</p><p>Val got up and punched Tony in the shoulder. Peter guessed it was her way of saying hi.</p><p>“First of all, ow.” Tony rubbed his shoulder. “Second of all, I’m here to escort a certain someone to their workout if it’s not too much of an inconvenience.”</p><p>“What’s he worth to you?” Val joked.</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows when Tony got his wallet out of his pocket.</p><p>“So we’re human trafficking now,” Tony said. “I must’ve missed the memo.”</p><p>Val rolled her eyes. “Don’t tempt me. Anyway, get out of here, Peter. I’ll see you around.”</p><p>“Thanks, Val,” Peter offered, grabbing the few papers of info she’d provided him.</p><p> </p><p>Tony grinned and put his wallet away. “So how’d it go?” He asked Peter while they walked to their usual office, so he could be weighed and measured as per their routine.</p><p>“Great. She made me try like seven different protein shakes, though. I’m not sure I’m a big fan.”</p><p>“Yeah, she traded the bottle for a protein shaker.”</p><p>So Tony knew her history, then. Peter shook his head. “Now I’m trading chocolate bars for barbells. What’s the world coming to?”</p><p>Tony chuckled.</p><p>“She gave me some good resources, though. I mean, besides the best powders to buy and how to make high-protein foods that don’t taste chalky.”</p><p>“Resources? Like what?” Tony asked.</p><p>“The contact information for a few counsellors.”</p><p>Peter frowned when he saw the look on Tony’s face change. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I shouldn’t have waited for you to ask before I suggested seeing Val,” Tony admitted. “Or, better, I should’ve recommended a counsellor to you in the first place. Sorry. That’s my bad.”</p><p>“What? No,” Peter disagreed. “She gave me the info, but I didn’t really need it. I already have a counsellor I can go to because of my parents…she just suggested one who specializes in eating disorders. It’s no big deal. I’m not that interested.”</p><p>Tony ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure where this was coming from. Usually Tony seemed so sure of himself, but he looked like he felt guilty for making a mistake. Peter was relieved to see some of the man’s disquiet beneath his perfect appearance. Tony was always fun and smart, but this display made him so relatable. Peter thought back to what Tony had said to him after he’d gotten upset for having his food journal corrected. <em>The more I get to know you, the more I think we’re the same person.</em></p><p>“Really, Tony. It’s okay. I’m fine. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Peter found himself telling Tony some of the words he was trying to learn how to say to himself. It felt so odd to be comforting someone else.</p><p>Tony sighed. “Yeah?</p><p>“100%,” Peter assured. “If I’d wanted that, I would’ve mentioned it to you or just gone to see the guidance counsellor at my school.”</p><p>“Okay.” Tony visibly relaxed.</p><p>“Anyway.” Peter waved. “What about you?” Peter asked, changing the subject. “How did your day go today?”</p><p>Tony exhaled. “I’m tired. Been up since 5, but nothing I can’t handle.”</p><p>Peter nodded sympathetically. “Was your weekend okay at least?” He imagined Tony had gone out, maybe not with Bucky since he’d discovered that wasn’t a thing, but probably with someone else.</p><p>“I stayed in,” Tony explained. “Except for a few afternoon jaunts… You know, I actually considered stopping by Delmar’s.”</p><p>Peter nodded dumbly. “Yeah? Murph wasn’t there this weekend, though, so good thing you didn’t.”</p><p>Tony looked at him with the hint of a frown. “I could’ve still bugged you. And,” Tony paused. “I could’ve gotten my energy drink fix. I’ll tell you; the secret to a perfectly carbonated beverage that burns just right is a good temperature, and the setting on your fridge gets the job done.”</p><p>“I bet that’s exactly what Mr. Delmar was thinking when he opened the store all those years ago. Some day, some guy is going to come in for the perfectly carbonated beverage, and we’re gonna be the ones who give it to him. I’ll have to tell him you think so highly of our cooler.”</p><p>“Do it,” Tony encouraged. “He deserves to know.”</p><p>Peter wanted to ask Tony why he didn’t end up coming, then, if he’d wanted to. Peter had been looking at the door like a maniac anytime a customer came in, hoping it was Tony. He didn’t want to sound desperate; it was probably just out of Tony’s way. No big deal.</p><p>Peter’s mind was fuzzy while he tried to internalize the fact that Tony had even considered coming by the store. Tony had actually thought of him, thought of his place of work? He existed to Tony outside of the gym, when he wasn’t around, and not just because of the cat? Did this mean they were legitimate friends?</p><p>Peter wanted to play it cool and not give away his excitement about Tony’s potential visit, so he changed the subject back to nutrition. They chatted more about his meeting with Val, and they filled out a few blank spots in his fitness binder, and then it was time for the weekly weigh-in.</p><p> </p><p>“232,” Tony announced. “Three more pounds down, Pete.”</p><p>Peter smiled and got down from the scale, satisfied, since he’d only lost one pound the week before.</p><p>“Great job,” Tony continued. “That’s almost a full ten.”</p><p>Peter ducked his head, tempted to shrug and say it was nothing, but he didn’t. For the first time since he’d started at the gym, he felt sure that he might actually be able to reach his goal.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>That night, Peter went on a following spree of fitness Instagram pages and YouTube channels, determined to keep his high spirits intact. He knew enough from Tony that he shouldn’t trust every single person that was pedaling fitness expertise, but he wanted to be exposed to the community and its content. It would be nice to have some new material on his timeline instead of the usual mix of depressing memes, celebrities, and food blogs.</p><p>It was entertaining to see so-called foodies and adventurists trying cakes stuffed with chocolate and candies from various sweet shoppes around the world, or ten pound burgers topped with pizza buns and oozing cheddar cheese, but the danger was in seeing those thin people consume the food and thinking “why can they eat all that and not gain weight?” or “if they can do it, I should be able to”. The trick was knowing that the other 99% of the time, those food bloggers weren’t eating those things, and a lot of the time they just photographed the food and tossed it afterward. He decided to unfollow pages that posted that type of content to make it a little easier on himself.</p><p>Becoming more aware of the reality was half the battle. Thanks to Val and Tony, and the research he was doing on his own, he was finding out all sorts of things about why more people were overweight than ever, and the mixed messages being constantly fed to people through the media. Not that he could blame his problems completely on that, but it certainly played its part.</p><p>Knowledge alone wasn’t enough to keep him from scooping up a chocolate bar from the impulse racks conveniently placed near store checkouts, but knowing the dirty marketing tricks was one more tool he had at his disposal. If stores wanted him to spend money on tempting food just so they could increase their profit he would be sure to resist purchasing it out of spite if nothing else.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Anti-capitalism and trying to save money in general is my main diet tip I guess.</p><p>I just wanted to bring some real life things I've learned into the story, and I don't have a platform where I can share advice like that, so what better way to tell people things than through a starker fic lmao??? Hopefully it meshed well and didn't look out of place. Even if it did, I think it's decent advice, so I'm willing to risk it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Humiliation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter's second last lesson with Tony.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for another self-harm mention, a mean/insulting incident at the gym, and extra sad Peter.</p><p>(I'm so sorry I can't stop putting him through Tough Times. Maybe I'm evil.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter was halfway through his cooldown when he overheard laughing. He listened carefully, trying to hear over the sound of the treadmill and the music playing overhead. People laughing or whispering usually made him uneasy, but he’d been slowly getting over the paranoia that people were actually laughing at him.</p><p>He continued walking, but became exceedingly uncomfortable. He couldn’t explain the feeling, but he just knew that the guys behind him were making fun of him. His stomach sank and his throat tightened. Peter wanted to get off the treadmill, but he only had a couple minutes left to go. He didn’t know what to do.</p><p>Planning to get off, he pressed the buttons that would reduce his speed. Situation avoided and no harm done since Tony had gone to fill up his water bottle—it was bad enough if he was insulted alone, but if Tony had to hear it too, he would’ve been even more humiliated.</p><p>The song finished playing and the beat of silence before the next one started allowed him to hear the men more clearly.</p><p>“Glad I don’t look like that,” one of the voices said. “He’s on the lowest incline and barely doing a mile an hour, and he’s sweating like a pig.”</p><p>Peter stared straight ahead at the wall and tried his best to ignore it while he finished the last minute. He wanted to argue that this had been his hardest workout yet, and that he’d only just lowered the incline for his cooldown—it wasn’t what it looked like. He’d already lost close to ten pounds, and he was going to lose more. They didn’t know the whole story.</p><p>“Yeah. I’d be embarrassed.”</p><p>“If I ever get that pathetic, kill me, man.”</p><p>Peter’s face flamed. He wanted to flee the gym, or maybe even the city. He wanted to cry. Even worse was that he realized he had been wrong; he had always thought that being insulted was the motivation he was missing to lose weight and to become thin. It turned out that hearing cruel words just made him sad.</p><p>Peter stopped the treadmill and stepped off. He took a moment before turning around, scared for the guys to see the front of him in case they insulted him directly. His stomach churned when he realized that Tony was right there. Peter prayed that Tony was just coming over to hand him his water bottle and was none the wiser to the situation, but it was clear by his face that he had heard.</p><p>“Pete, what’s going on here?” Tony looked from Peter to the guys on the row of machines behind the treadmills.</p><p>“Oh, nothing,” Peter mumbled. “It’s okay.”</p><p>Tony rested a hand on his shoulder. “No, it’s not.”</p><p>“Excuse you.” Tony turned away from Peter and approached the men.</p><p>The gym bros looked confused when Tony addressed them. Their eyes flickered to Peter, and he felt sick in turn. <em>Fuck. </em>He hated having their eyes on him.</p><p>“What’s up?” The one who had called Peter pathetic asked.</p><p>“You need to leave.” Tony crossed his arms.</p><p>Peter stood frozen a couple steps behind Tony. He had no idea what to do. He hated confrontation.</p><p>“Why? We didn’t do anything wrong.”</p><p>“Disrespecting gym members violates your contract under a one-strike policy,” Tony explained. “It’s also known as the douchebag clause.”</p><p>“Dude.” The bigger one of the pair stepped off his machine to confront Tony on even ground.</p><p>“Who even are you?” The man tried to sound intimidating, but Tony didn’t flinch.</p><p>“Tony Stark.”</p><p>“Yeah, well why should I care?”</p><p>Peter thought that the guys would just have to apologize or something. Was Tony serious about making them leave? Maybe he should be the one to go. Peter knew if he had been told to leave by an employee, he would have been gone in less than a minute, but these guys were pushing their luck by arguing with Tony. Peter could feel that it was only going to escalate. He wanted just to say it was no big deal and leave it alone, but he knew Tony wouldn’t have it.</p><p>Tony glared. “I’d list the reasons, but I don’t know if your shared braincell could handle paying attention that long.”</p><p>The second man stepped in. “You can’t talk to us like that, and you definitely can’t make us leave. We have more of a right to be here than him.” He pointed at Peter.</p><p>“Point a finger at him again, and I’ll break it,” Tony said.</p><p>“I want to talk to the manager right now.”</p><p>“The manager?” Tony smiled serenely. “How about the owner?”</p><p>It took a second for the guys to realize what Tony meant by that. It took a second for Peter to realize as well.</p><p>Peter used the opportunity to make his escape. Owner? Since when did Tony own the gym? <em>What the hell is going on? </em>He was well on his way to the locker room when he saw Bucky going over to back Tony up. Bucky waved Natasha over from her place at the desk, and both of them stalked over to the treadmills. Peter was grateful that his friends were defending him, but it was so humiliating. If he wasn’t so disgusting, then nobody would need to put themselves at risk to defend him. What if Tony got hurt? What if anyone got hurt because of him. It wasn’t right.</p><p> </p><p>Peter took advantage of an empty change room to tear his clothes off at his locker. He raced to the shower in his towel before tears could betray the composure he had been maintaining so far.</p><p>He wanted nothing more than to let himself slide dramatically to the shower floor, but sitting on the floor of a public shower was asking for disease. <em>What if those guys come in here?</em> Peter’s stomach flipped. He stayed standing, but he leaned on the wall for support, wishing that May was there.</p><p>Peter couldn’t remember the last time he had been so upset. He wanted to hurt himself, a physical pain to distract him from his emotions. Cutting, or bingeing, it didn’t matter. They would both do the job.</p><p>Peter held his breath when he heard commotion in the locker room.</p><p>“They’re lucky we’re even giving them their shit back.”</p><p>That was Bucky.</p><p>“They’re lucky to be alive.”</p><p>Tony.</p><p>Peter guessed that Tony wanted to get the guys’ belongings so they wouldn’t come in and disturb him.</p><p>He heard Bucky comment, “I’d say I can’t believe you broke his finger, but I do believe it,” and then the voices were gone.</p><p>
  <em>Is Tony okay? Oh my God, this is all my fault. </em>
</p><p>The emotions overwhelmed him, and then the water became indistinguishable from his tears. He tried to keep the sobbing to a minimum so that no one would hear him, but it was difficult. <em>If I ever get that pathetic, kill me. </em>Peter couldn’t believe that strangers could be so mean, and he couldn’t believe he let it hurt him so much. He thought of himself like that everyday, but it was different coming from someone else.</p><p>He jumped when he heard footsteps approaching the showers.</p><p>“Hey, Pete. Are you okay?” Tony asked from behind the curtain.</p><p>“Uhm,” Peter squeaked. “Yeah, fine.” His voice was no less than ten octaves higher than what would have been believable.</p><p>“They’re gone,” Tony explained. “Banned for life.”</p><p>“Oh, okay,” Peter managed. “Thank you.”</p><p>“It was my pleasure.”</p><p>“Are you sure you had to do that, though? I don’t want you to get in trouble, or anything.”</p><p>“That’s what lawyers are for,” Tony responded.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter’s voice trembled.</p><p>Tony was silent for a moment. “Don’t waste a second of your time thinking about pricks like that. They’re scum. Okay, Pete?”</p><p>Tony’s words brought the sting back to Peter’s eyes. He wanted to be bitter and tell Tony to go away, but he couldn’t even get the words out. He ended up remaining quiet.</p><p>“Take your time, then meet me in the office,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter heard his footsteps recede, and then he was alone. After a few minutes of silent crying, Peter’s thoughts started to become more rational and less emotional. He started to think about how Tony was actually the owner of the gym. Had Tony kept that a secret on purpose? Peter wondered if he was just stupid for not realizing. It made sense since Tony was never there except for their appointments and always wore brand-name clothing. Peter didn’t really know what to feel about any of it since the whole ordeal had zapped away all his energy to think clearly.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>As expected, Tony was waiting for him in the office.</p><p>“Hey.” Tony’s face brightened.</p><p>“Hey,” Peter returned the greeting as cheerfully as he could manage. He doubted Tony was fooled.</p><p>He had no idea whether Tony was going to address what had happened or move along. Peter hoped that Tony would change the subject to literally anything else; he didn’t want to hear Tony’s apologies or reassurances. If he did, he might never stop crying.</p><p>“Did you want to talk about it?” Tony folded his hands on the desk.</p><p>Peter bit his lip before any more tears could escape. “Not particularly.”</p><p>“Okay,” Tony said easily.</p><p>Peter averted his eyes. He didn’t know how it was possible to feel so small when he was so big. He had just been starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel and now he was feeling like there was nothing but a train barrelling towards him. Had his progress been for nothing if he was still so pathetic? A pig? What had been the point of losing any weight at all?</p><p>He was grateful that Tony was willing to let it drop.</p><p>Peter decided to change the subject himself since Tony wasn’t saying anything more. “So, you own the gym.”</p><p>“Right.” Tony practically jumped on Peter’s comment. “About that.”</p><p>“I’m not a fraud or anything.” Tony paused. “I really do have the qualifications to train you.”</p><p>Peter surprised himself and laughed. He wasn’t in the laughing mood, but Tony was funny. “I know that. You helped me lose ten pounds. That doesn’t exactly seem like fraudulent behaviour.”</p><p>Tony huffed.</p><p>Peter ran a hand through his hair. “You’re like Mr. Delmar, my boss? You work at the place you own. That’s kinda cool.” He wasn’t sure why Tony hadn’t mentioned that before, but it was no big deal. Tony seemed to be taking the whole situation seriously, as if Peter had a reason to be mad about it.</p><p>“Not exactly,” Tony countered.</p><p>Peter furrowed his brows. He wasn’t sure how that guess could be wrong. He got the feeling there was more to the story since Tony kept shifting around in his chair. Why did he look so guilty?</p><p>“I don’t just own this gym. I own all of them.”</p><p>“You own all of the Iron Fitness gyms,” Peter clarified. Had he heard that correctly?</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“There’s like twenty of them.”</p><p>“Twenty-four,” Tony corrected, “but yeah.”</p><p>Peter blinked. “I don’t understand. What—"</p><p>“I used to be a trainer,” Tony said. “Right away I got tired of being just an employee, so I started my own gym,” he explained. “It was successful, so I opened more.”</p><p>“And I own other things too,” Tony added. “Apartments, a health resort, a few bowling alleys. Basically, I like owning things. I’m sort of a businessman.”</p><p>“Okay…” Peter said. “That’s understandable.”</p><p>Tony looked at Peter skeptically.</p><p>“Why didn’t you just say that before?” Peter asked. “What’s the big secret? It’s not like you’re, I don’t know, a weapons dealer or money laundering.”</p><p>Tony smirked.</p><p>“Wait,” Peter said. “You’re not, are you?”</p><p>“Not last time I checked. Just a regular, run-of-the-mill company. It’s called Stark LLC, by the way.”</p><p>“Are you a millionaire?” Peter blurted.</p><p>Tony leaned forward and rested his arms on the desk. “Unless something drastic has happened to our society’s infrastructure in the last five minutes, yes. I am.”</p><p>“Shit,” Peter exhaled. “Seriously?”</p><p>Tony nodded.</p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything?” Peter asked again. He was starting to understand why Tony looked so uncomfortable. Being a millionaire seemed like the kind of thing to brag about, and owning a business seemed like the kind of thing to mention at least once.</p><p>Tony went to speak, but Peter spoke first. “I even said that I didn’t think you were a trainer because Bucky never said your name when he gave me the staff rundown, and we talked about your boss as if it was a different person…so it’s not like it never came up, either.” Peter frowned as some more hints came to mind.</p><p>Tony gnashed his teeth. “I—”</p><p>“I’m not mad,” Peter assured. “I’m just confused. I really don’t get why you were working so hard to avoid the subject.”</p><p>“I wasn’t working that hard,” Tony argued, “and to be completely fair, my COO Pepper really is like my boss, but you’re right. You’re totally right. I should’ve been up front from the beginning. It definitely should not have come up like this.”</p><p>Peter nodded in agreement. It had been a pretty unfortunate way of finding out.</p><p>“Did everybody else know that I didn’t know?” Peter wondered. He remembered all the strange looks that the staff exchanged with Tony. Was it because they knew he was out of the loop? Were they all sharing a secret laugh at his expense?”</p><p>“No,” Tony replied. “I expected that someone would’ve mentioned it by now, even in passing.”</p><p>Peter eye’s widened when he remembered. “Friday called you Mr. Stark.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “She’s the only one with any respect.”</p><p>Peter shifted in his chair. “I guess there were a lot of things that didn’t add up. I felt like something was off, but didn’t connect the dots.”</p><p>“It’s on me,” Tony answered. “The longer I went without saying anything, the weirder it got. I didn’t know how to bring it up.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “But why are you doing this if you’re the boss? It doesn't make any sense.”</p><p>Tony scratched his beard before he answered. “We were short staffed the night you came in, so I stepped in to help. I saw you in your AC/DC shirt and thought you looked like a cool kid. I could either get you started or help that scary dude sign up for an overpriced membership.” Tony elaborated.</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“Since I was doing Bucky a favour by helping, I decided to take the better end of the deal. I thought you were a lot less likely to kill me.”</p><p>“That explains the intro lesson, but I don’t get why you didn’t just let Bucky take over after that.” He knew he was asking too many questions and probably annoying Tony, but he wanted to understand better.</p><p>“I was going to,” Tony replied. “But I thought we made a good team, so I left it to you to decide. You wanted to, so I was willing.” He shrugged like it was nothing.</p><p>Peter remembered. He’d been tempted to choose Bucky so he could look smaller next to him and because he’d been terrified to fail in front of Tony, but he agreed; he and Tony had made a good team from the start.</p><p>“You didn’t have to go out of your way like that. Not for me.”</p><p>“That right there is exactly why I had to,” Tony asserted. “You don’t like anyone doing anything nice for you because you don’t think you deserve it.”</p><p>Peter opened his mouth to argue but closed it since Tony wasn’t finished.</p><p>“Even when I offered to get your paperwork started, you thought I looked too busy because I was holding a folder. Imagine that, you’re paying us, and you still thought you were an inconvenience.” Tony shook his head after he described the memory.</p><p>“I thought it would be better if you didn’t know I was going out of my way”—Tony pointed at Peter— “which I’m not, but you would’ve seen it that way. Not telling you the truth was really stupid of me,” Tony rambled. “I shouldn’t have done that, Peter. You know, I ask you to be honest with me, and I was a hypocrite. I wasn’t honest with you, and I broke your trust. That’s on me.”</p><p>Peter looked down at his lap while he considered Tony’s words. Tony sounded like he had good intentions, but the explanation made him sound like a charity case, someone to be coddled because he was such a loser that he couldn’t even be a customer correctly.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Peter decided.</p><p>Tony nodded. “Yeah?”</p><p>“I was going to pick Bucky anyway because he made me look smaller,” Peter voiced his memory to Tony. “Adding the fact that you’re so important to the mix is just…it’s crazy,” Peter admitted. “I hate to admit it, but you’re right. I mean, if I had known all that, I don’t think I would’ve let you do it.”</p><p>Millionaire CEOs didn’t just decide to work in sweaty gyms for fun. Or maybe they did; the only millionaire Peter knew was Tony, so he couldn’t speak for everyone else. Maybe rich people got really bored and had nothing better to do.</p><p>“You still think you made the right choice even though I’m a liar?” Tony frowned.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter decided. “That’s why I pay you the big bucks, isn’t it? So you can help me figure out what’s good for me? Not telling me was probably a calculated decision.”</p><p>“I did tell you math was my thing.”</p><p>“You did,” Peter agreed. “There’s something you didn’t lie about.”</p><p>“I am sorry, kid,” Tony said.</p><p>“But do you think you made the right choice?” Peter blushed. “Do you regret doing me such a big favour?”</p><p>“Absolutely not. You’re fun to hang around with”—Tony waved— “when you’re not being mean to me, that is. Training you is like a break from my real work.”</p><p>Peter knew he could come off as mean sometimes, but it wasn’t intentional. His emotions always seemed to get the better of him, and when he felt awkward or uncomfortable, he used sarcasm as a defense mechanism. He had been trying to avoid doing that, but apparently, he wasn’t successful.</p><p>“Sorry,” Peter said. “I don’t mean to be mean.”</p><p>Peter hated that Tony thought he was mean to him. Tony did not deserve that kind of attitude at all. Why did he always say the wrong thing? Act the wrong way?</p><p>“Oh please, I’m yanking your chain.” Tony said. “I know Nebula, remember? You got nothing on her. I can handle your teenager attitude just fine, thank you.”</p><p>Peter chuckled. He had a lot of things he could’ve asked, but he was tired of thinking, so he went for a joke. “Is it true…you really like AC/DC?”</p><p>Tony exhaled and looked at Peter like he was nuts. “Do I have a heart in my chest?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Peter scrunched up his face. “Do you?”</p><p>“I think so,” Tony said. “Sometimes it beats and things. Very distracting.”</p><p>Peter sighed. He was glad things were mostly back to normal with Tony, but he sort of just wanted to go home and be alone to process everything.</p><p>Tony inclined his head. “What?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter lied. “May said she was gonna pick me up tonight, so she’s probably waiting.” He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It was around 7, so yeah. She was waiting. He should get going. After all, Tony probably had better things he could be doing than hanging around with a fat and pathetic teenager. Peter had always figured that before, and now that he knew the truth about Tony’s real job, it was a definite.</p><p>“Oh,” Tony said. “We didn’t talk about any homework.”</p><p>Peter thought Tony looked disappointed, or at least surprised, but he wrote it off as wishful thinking.</p><p>“I’ll fill out more of the progress sheets in my binder,” Peter suggested. “It’s cool.” He got out of the chair and headed to the door.</p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Tony said. “It’s the weekend after all. Don’t want to overwork you.”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. As if he had anything better to do than write out his fitness goals. The guys who had insulted him proved that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As soon as Peter and Tony reached the lobby, Natasha pounced.</p><p>“Are you all right?” She smoothed Peter’s hair back and cupped his cheek affectionately.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Peter said. “It was nothing.”</p><p>Peter didn’t want to cringe and hurt her feelings, but being touched in general bothered him, never mind his face. Never mind after what had just happened.</p><p>“Easy,” Tony commented.</p><p>Natasha eyed Tony skeptically, but she took her hand away.</p><p>Bucky came over to join the conversation, resting his hand on Peter’s shoulder. He added something else in a language that Peter didn’t understand.</p><p>“He said, ‘they’re assholes’,” Natasha translated.</p><p>Peter shrugged, “Thanks guys…it’s okay.” Why was everyone being so affectionate and touchy all of a sudden? He had nearly gotten over it since he and Tony had discussed other things, and now the subject being brought up again was making him feel like he had in the shower.</p><p>Tony was the only one who didn’t touch him or bring it up again. He was one of the only people who even understood him.</p><p>“Are you guys working on Tuesday?” Peter asked awkwardly, trying to shift the focus onto them. The following week would be his last lesson with Tony, and now that he knew Tony didn’t technically work there, it would be a slim chance that he’d ever see him again. If Bucky and Natasha actually cared if he was all right, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try and be friends with them since they would be his only company for future workouts.</p><p>Natasha shook her head.</p><p>“I’m always here,” Bucky commented.</p><p>“Here, but never doing anything,” Tony teased.</p><p>Peter laughed. “Maybe you should write him up.”</p><p>Bucky’s eyes crinkled at the edges while he laughed. “Wouldn’t be my first time.”</p><p>“Barnes and Noble” –Tony gestured to Bucky and Natasha—“aren’t exactly model employees.”</p><p>Peter smiled. Bucky and Natasha didn’t seem surprised that he referenced Tony’s status, so they must not have known he didn’t know. He felt better having it confirmed that there wasn’t some gym-wide conspiracy keeping him in the dark.</p><p>“I better get going,” Peter said awkwardly.  He kept glancing at May's car where it was parked outside the door. He wished he was driving away in it. “See you guys later.”</p><p>Bucky nodded. “Have a good night, pal.”</p><p>Natasha smiled at him.</p><p>Peter glanced at Tony, his eyes falling to the man’s hands that were almost permanently lodged in his pockets. He remembered that Tony had broken that asshole’s finger. Tony had once said that if anyone called him fat he’d knock their teeth out of their mouth, and he must’ve really meant it.</p><p>Peter didn’t think before he did it.</p><p>He squeezed Tony as tightly as he could without pressing himself too firmly into the man’s body. The hug was a bit stiff and awkward since Tony’s hands were in his pockets, but it was good enough. It was his unspoken thanks for all that Tony had done.</p><p>“Wow,” Tony breathed when Peter detached. “Unexpected but appreciated.”</p><p>Peter ran out the door before he could get a good look at anyone’s facial expressions. He didn’t want to know what anyone thought.</p><p>He could hear Tony call ‘bye!’ after him, but he was too embarrassed to look back.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tony could see May waiting in the Volvo outside the doors when he entered the lobby with Peter. He wondered if he should tell her what had happened. Tony not only worried that Peter would keep it to himself and stew in misery over the weekend, but he was also concerned that if he didn’t tell May and she found out from Peter, she might be angry that the incident was kept from her. The situation was tricky since Peter wasn’t a legal adult yet.</p><p>The watery look had barely left Peter’s eyes, and then Bucky and Natasha started pestering him to see if he was all right. Tony knew they cared about Peter, but he didn’t want the boy to start crying.</p><p>When Natasha touched his face, Peter’s discomfort was even more noticeable, and Tony knew it came from feeling like he was undesirable and gross and not because he thought poorly of those touching him, but seeing it from an outside perspective made him question whether he should’ve been trying to break through Peter’s barriers and touch him from time to time. Now that Tony could see how put off Peter was, he would stop pushing it. Tony tried to think if Peter looked that unsettled when he touched him, or if it was just other people. Tony couldn’t remember the last time Peter had made a face at him.</p><p>He was out of his depth big time; consoling a 17-year-old that “didn’t want to talk about it”, wondering how to handle the guardian while wanting to treat Peter like an adult, and simultaneously being afraid that Peter might spiral over what had happened while also believing he had the strength to make it through made him conflicted to say the least.</p><p>It belatedly occurred to him to be concerned for customer satisfaction from the perspective of a business owner, but all that mattered to him was that Peter was okay.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter spoke, breaking Tony out of his thoughts. Oh shit. He was leaving.</p><p>Tony had planned on telling Peter to have a good night and to text him if he needed to, but he didn’t have a chance. Peter hugging him caught him completely off guard; it wiped his concerns that maybe he’d been pushing boundaries too much right out of his head along with all his other thoughts.</p><p>He would’ve hugged Peter back if his hands hadn’t been stuck in his pockets, but maybe Peter had done that on purpose. Peter hugged tightly, some of the strength he’d developed over the last few weeks on full display. Tony noticed Peter wasn’t flush against him, but after the boy’s reaction to Natasha and Bucky touching him, Tony wasn’t going to split hairs. Peter trusted him even after what had happened and even at his lowest. His eyes probably looked just as watery as Peter’s at the thought.</p><p>The room felt significantly emptier after Peter had left it.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>As soon as Peter left, Tony turned to Bucky and Natasha, fully expecting them to start with their comments. <em>God they’re even worse when they’re together. </em>They didn’t disappoint.</p><p>“Peter is totally in love with you.” Natasha smacked Tony on the arm.</p><p>Bucky grinned. “Definitely.”</p><p>Tony frowned. He wasn’t sure if that was quite true; yeah, he could see the way Peter looked at him, but because of Peter’s low self-esteem, it could’ve been that he wanted to look like him, not be with him. The kid had a wistful expression whenever he looked at anyone with a nice body. Peter had once told him that he’d really need to know someone to be attracted to them, and because he’d kept a major part of his life a secret, that wasn’t the case. He’d shot himself in the foot with that one. Besides, he didn’t know how Bucky and Natasha got that Peter was in love with him from one impulsive hug. Everyone hugged. Then again, Peter didn’t seem like he hugged just anybody.</p><p>“Can it, you two,” Tony said. “I’m not talking about him behind his back. Especially not after today.”</p><p>Peter had been insulted to his face, and then again after he’d left the room, and Tony was grateful he hadn’t heard the worst of it. He was still seeing red, and as far as he was concerned, a broken finger was getting off easy.</p><p>Natasha scrunched up her face. “Did he take it that bad?”</p><p>“’Course he did,” Tony sighed. “And on top of it, he found out I don’t technically work here.”</p><p>“What?” Natasha inclined her head. “He didn’t know?”</p><p>“Nope.” Tony was surprised that it had gone over Natasha's head since she knew everything about everyone.</p><p>Bucky winced. “Shit, I thought you told him.”</p><p>“Why not?” Natasha wondered.</p><p>“If he knew training was above my paygrade, he wouldn’t have let me do it.”</p><p>“That sounds shady.” Natasha frowned.</p><p>“No.” Bucky held up his hand. “He's got a point. You didn’t see him when he first started. Sad kid.”</p><p>Tony pursed his lips. Bucky agreeing with him was sort of relieving.</p><p>“Tony wanted to help him as a favour, and it looks like he has been. I mean, obviously I would’ve done a good job too, but those two just click.”</p><p>Natasha nodded. “You guys really are the cutest.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well. I’m lucky he understood when I explained it to him.”</p><p>“It is unusual to tell people your job title and tax bracket out of nowhere, I guess,” Natasha added.</p><p>Bucky threw him a lifeline, too. “You never specifically told anyone they couldn’t bring it up, right? And you didn’t lie…you just didn’t say anything.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. That was mostly true.</p><p>“And I mean, you showed up here at 5:30 and left when he did. What kind of work schedule is that?”</p><p>Natasha quirked her lips. “You’re also the only ‘trainer’ I know who wears Gucci.”</p><p>Bucky nodded, but didn’t offer anything else, so Tony continued. “I wish I would’ve said something instead of leaving him in the dark, or at least I didn’t want it to come out like this.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Bucky winced. “That’s the only shitty part. Otherwise, I see why you didn't say anything.”</p><p>“Agreed,” Natasha said.</p><p>“So I'm not an asshole?" Tony asked. It was a dangerous question to ask Bucky and Natasha.</p><p>“The only assholes here were the ones you kicked out,” Natasha replied.</p><p>“Beetlejuice and his sidekick Crazy Eyes?” Tony joked.</p><p>Bucky groaned. “You’re on a roll with your nicknames today, aren’t you?”</p><p>Tony shrugged. Duh.</p><p>The trio stood quietly for a moment, nothing but the gym’s music and machinery made any sound.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” Natasha suggested after a moment. “Judging by that hug, he totally forgave you.”</p><p>“You did break someone’s finger for insulting him, too. That’s gotta count for something,” Bucky added.</p><p>“How much do you think it’s gonna cost you in legal fees if they sue?” Natasha commented.</p><p>“Who cares?” Tony replied. The money was inconsequential compared to how much it would cost Peter emotionally. Tony knew Peter wouldn’t take this lightly no matter how calm he’d acted. He was hurt by what had been said about him.</p><p>“Anyway,” Tony said, banging a pretend gavel. “Court adjourned. Get back to work.” There was no bite in his direction, but he was serious.</p><p>Natasha gave him a playful eye roll, but she went back to the desk.</p><p>“My shift was actually over twenty minutes ago,” Bucky said. “I was waiting to see Peter to make sure he was all right.”</p><p>Tony opened his mouth to say something snappy, but he decided not to. Bucky had just reminded him why he kept all these jocks employed despite their bitchy attitudes and questionable work ethic. They had good hearts.</p><p> </p><p>Tony wished he’d had more time to comfort Peter and make sure he knew that what those assholes had said was ridiculous, but he could only keep Peter at the gym with him for so long.</p><p>He knew it was a mistake not to have mentioned his status at the gym to Peter. The conflict and confusion were easy to see written all over his face—but he’d had the best of intentions, whatever that was worth. Unfortunately, the omission was supposed to give him an in with Peter, so that he could help him to improve his confidence, but broken trust was damaging. Tony hoped that he’d been more helpful than harmful.</p><p>His explanation for why he’d trained Peter was so thinly veiled it was laughable, but he didn’t think Peter would’ve accepted a more emotional answer than “I was doing Bucky a favour, and you turned out to be cool”. It wasn’t Tony’s smoothest moment, but sometimes he struggled saying the right thing because he didn’t want to scare Peter off. What he’d wanted to say was that he’d wanted to get to know Peter more and make his life better in some small way.</p><p>He wanted to tell Peter that he liked him and cared about him, and that he was strong and worthy of kindness, but it was hard to put into words when he knew Peter would just reject it. As much as he understood Peter, he was still getting to know him and couldn’t always tell if he was getting his point across. Any affection given or received by Peter had to be wrapped in a joke or sarcasm to be allowed. Tony was good at speaking that language, but sometimes he wanted to be real.</p><p>The gift he had for Peter to celebrate his last lesson was burning a hole in his metaphorical pocket. He wanted to give the teen something to cheer him up, but he wasn’t sure if it would just do the opposite—undoubtedly, Peter would consider it some pity gift, or reject it because it was “too much”.</p><p>At least now that his wealth wasn’t a secret, he didn’t have to worry about what Peter would think about receiving a gift that was considerably above a personal trainer’s paygrade—at least where giving clients casual gifts was concerned.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Peter had figured that as soon as he got into the passenger seat of May’s car, he would burst into tears, but he didn’t.</p><p>“How was it?” She asked.</p><p>“Really good,” Peter lied.</p><p>“Great,” May commented enthusiastically.</p><p>Peter was glad she didn’t ask any further questions, although she did glance at him for a second too long. He wasn’t sure what she saw in his expression. He felt miserable, but he was trying to plaster on a smile—not too big because that would be even more suspicious.</p><p>“I have a yoga class tonight, so I’m gonna head out after dinner. All right?”</p><p>Peter didn’t have to think too hard to make the jump between May being out, him being alone, and what that meant for his appetite. There would be no witnesses if he gave into his temptations.</p><p>As much as Peter tried to forget about being called pathetic, it stuck with him. He imagined turning to May and letting it all out, but he kept his emotions buried. He wasn’t going to burden her. Plus, if she found out what had happened, she’d want to stay home with him and keep him company. That wouldn’t be good for his plans.</p><p>“Fine with me,” Peter said. “I’ve got homework to do anyway.”</p><p>“You’re such a good boy,” May sighed. “I don’t know anyone who does their homework on Friday.”</p><p>Peter gave May a weak smile. Yeah that was him. A good boy. If he had a better body or a more appealing personality, he imagined he’d be just like any other high school student who had plans that kept them from doing assignments until Sunday night or Monday morning, or at all. He felt like being such a gifted student wasn’t the result of any choice he’d made. It was just the role he filled. The smart, fat kid with a good sense of humour.</p><p>Peter wanted to bring up what had happened during his session with Tony, but he knew that May wouldn’t take it lightly. If he had to pass it off as no big deal, there would be no point in getting it off his chest, but oppositely, if he admitted how much it had hurt, it would be hard to talk about without crying. Then on top of everything, he'd have to reassure May.</p><p>If he didn’t mention that part of the evening, then maybe he could talk about Tony being a millionaire. That was kind of cool and unexpected. It would be interesting to hear what she made of Tony being the owner of the gym and not actually a trainer who worked there.</p><p>Peter considered telling her that he appreciated how kind she’d been to him and how much he loved her for taking care of him. He realized now that all the offense he’d taken from her words over the years was not justified. She’d never made him feel broken or insulted him purposely. He’d felt envious of how naturally she maintained living a healthy lifestyle, and he’d been frustrated at her more than once, but he was so lucky to have her. He didn’t remember ever really thanking her for the gym membership, either. Feeling guilty on top of everything else did nothing to improve his mood.</p><p>As soon as they returned to the apartment, she put dinner on. Peter still hadn’t found the right words to say, so he said nothing. He waited for her to leave, and then he made plans to do what he’d known he’d eventually end up doing again.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter considered going to Delmar’s, but it was too far away, and his patience was dwindling along with any self-control he had left. The few minutes it took to walk to the 7-Eleven seemed too long.</p><p>He stood in the chocolate bar aisle, transfixed. May had prepared tofu tacos for dinner, and they had been edible, but nothing worth overeating—although quality of food during a binge didn’t so much matter as the quantity. He’d once eaten a full box of saltine crackers in one sitting, like 150 dry crackers that had made his jaw ache from having to chew, so he wasn’t that picky.</p><p>It had been useful that he wasn’t overly fond of the tacos, and that he was trying to keep his façade up before he left the apartment. He was still well within his caloric range for the day. He hadn’t ruined anything yet, but he was on the verge.</p><p>Peter must’ve seemed like a madman to anyone looking his way, but he couldn’t care less. He had a Dairymilk bar in his hand, and he was staring at the label like it held the universe’s secrets. He held onto that and reached out for the package of king-sized Reese’s Cups. He debated between original and the kind that had Reese's Pieces within the peanut butter cup.</p><p>His mouth salivated. <em>If I ever get that pathetic, kill me.</em></p><p>Peter frowned. Maybe he should just get one chocolate bar. Then he could get a pack of sour candies, and then some corn nuts. One thing from each category. He eyed the signs on the shelves that boasted 2-for-1 deals and discounts on multiple chocolate bars if he scanned his app. Ugh. He put the chocolate bars back where he’d taken them from and took a lap around the store. Peter could see the cashier eyeing him carefully, probably pegging him for a thief, but he didn’t pay any attention beyond noticing it.</p><p>He stood in front of the frozen section, looking in on the rows of Ben and Jerry’s pints behind the frosty glass. He didn’t even like ice-cream that much, but something about the cuteness of a pint and how everyone raved about the brand tempted him. Binge goggles. Everything looked tasty when you wanted to hurt.</p><p>Peter wiped a hand over his face. What was the point? What difference did it make if he stuffed his face with a bunch of junk food or he didn’t? Nothing would erase what those guys had said. What was so pathetic about trying to exercise at the gym? Peter found himself glaring at the freezer as if it had personally affronted him. What the fuck was their problem? What kind of assholes made fun of people at the gym? They were the pathetic ones.</p><p>He closed his eyes and used a trick he'd started doing whenever he felt like eating. He asked himself why. Honest answers only. <em>I want to eat because I'm sad, not because I'm hungry. I want to eat because it would be easier to give in than to fight it.</em></p><p>Peter decided he didn’t want to do it, not really. He was proud of himself for losing ten pounds and trying so hard to combat the habits he’d spent years forming. Why put himself off track just because strangers had made fun of him? Peter still wanted to give himself the chance to succeed and prove that he could do it, not just to Tony, but to himself.</p><p>He offered the attentive cashier a smile and a nod while he walked out, empty handed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh man, I edited this chapter over and over and over again to the point where I can't stand to look at it, so hopefully that's not your experience as a reader... I wanted to get the reveal of Tony's role at Iron Fitness just right, so it didn't seem like it wasn't addressed properly.<br/>//<br/>I hope the bullying incident wasn't too hard to read. Unfortunately, it's a reality for almost everyone (overweight or not) that someone is going to be rude...if only we all had a Tony to stick up for us. It's also a sort of "be careful what you wish for" lesson for Peter since he thought being insulted would be helpful to him...I was guilty of thinking this before. Like if someone would just call me fat to my face, it would motivate me, but it didn't. </p><p>Getting better doesn't happen from being called names--whether by yourself or by others. It just makes you feel like you're not worth saving, or you're not worth the trouble of going through the work of recovering, and it's your disorder/devil brain telling you that. What it really takes to get better is treating yourself kindly and reminding yourself that you're worth the effort to recover (whether recovery is gaining/losing/not worrying about it/etc. for you). Fuck rude people and body-shamers who speak poorly of others out of "concerns for their health"...like if you're so concerned about health, stop being mean which is harmful to mental health because bad mental health often leads to poor physical health... &gt;:(<br/>//<br/>Can you guess who the bullies were from Tony's nicknames? "Beetlejuice" and "Crazy Eyes"</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Completion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tony and Peter's last lesson!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for cuteness and also Tony being a bit of a disaster (I love almost all characterizations of Tony because he's my favourite, but a soft and chaotic mess that's hiding beneath a cool facade has a special place in my heart).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter was anxious for his last lesson with Tony. It felt like they’d barely started, and now it was the end. Peter wished he could go back in time and slap his past self for being displeased that Tony had given him an extra lesson free of charge. If he’d known that he would actually make progress and get along with Tony so well, he wouldn’t have been so resistant to begin training.</p><p>Peter cringed at the thought that he’d almost missed out on Tony’s friendship by choosing Bucky. He liked Bucky a lot, and he was sure it would’ve turned out just as well; he would’ve made progress and learned useful information, but working with Tony was the most ideal of the possible scenarios. As much as Peter didn’t quite fully understand Tony’s motivations for training him—someone he barely knew just because they had a cool t-shirt on—he could accept it. Tony was an adult, and if he chose to do something kind in his free time, whether it was for fun, or out of boredom, Peter wasn’t going to look the gift horse in the mouth.</p><p>He’d been anticipating their last day together throughout the entire weekend and then during school. Not only was it the last time he’d probably see Tony, it was a weigh-in day, and it was his first lesson since the bullying incident. It seemed like there was always some reason or another for Peter to worry. This time he counted three reasons.</p><p>He wondered what would happen after he said goodbye to Tony. There was no way he could afford to purchase more lessons, and even if he could, he doubted Tony would continue being his trainer. The situation was awkward since the man was never supposed to be his trainer in the first place, so if Peter wanted to continue working with him, it wasn’t a matter of Tony continuing his job, but adding to his favour. Peter couldn’t ask that of him.</p><p>Then there was the fear of ruining his progress and gaining the weight back without Tony’s help. Peter’s membership was still valid for almost eleven more months, but without a personal trainer to answer to, he wondered if he could still be successful. His reflexive response was no, but after more thought, he believed the answer was yes; he could still be successful. As much as Tony had taught him, to reference another horse proverb, you could lead a horse to water, but you couldn’t make him drink. Peter would ensure that he drank, or, as it were, kept going with his diet and exercise plan with or without Tony.</p><p>Tony hadn’t mentioned anything, so Peter didn’t even know if the man was aware that it was their last lesson. A separate part of Peter, the one he was trying to eradicate from his mind imagined that Tony had been counting down the days until he could get rid of him. Peter ignored the negative thinking as best as he could, but it was difficult.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Peter handed his journal directly to Tony instead of placing it on the desk, he glanced at it for a moment like he was thinking about something, but then grabbed it from Peter’s hands.</p><p>Peter would’ve bet his entire bank account—which probably wasn’t saying much—that Tony was expecting to see a slip-up or a binge because of what had happened the week before. Or maybe he was expecting a huge calorie deficit—some proof of a reaction to the insults. Peter was borderline smug when he saw Tony’s lips twitch into a full-blown smile once he was finished examining everything and found nothing out of sorts.</p><p>“How was your weekend, Pete?” Tony asked, setting Peter’s journal on the desk.</p><p>“It was fine,” Peter answered.</p><p>“I really didn’t do, uh, much,” Peter continued. He wanted to give Tony more than a couple of words in response. He hadn’t spoken about his feelings about Friday’s incident to anyone, not even May, Ned, or MJ. Tony had asked him if he wanted to talk about it right after it had happened. Was he waiting to hear more? He hadn’t texted to check in, so didn’t that tell Peter all he needed to know? Or was seeing the proof in Peter’s journal enough for Tony?</p><p>“To be honest,” Peter said. “It was hard.”</p><p>Tony met his eyes.</p><p>“I, well, uh, you know.” Peter scratched his head. “I almost ruined everything. Thought a lot about quitting, but I don’t know. I guess I changed my mind.”</p><p>“I’m glad you didn’t.”</p><p>“Quit,” Tony tacked on.</p><p>Peter understood what he’d meant. “Me too.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry that happened, Peter,” Tony offered. “In my gym, under my watch. You didn’t deserve that, and if there was some way I could erase it, or better, erase <em>them</em>. I would.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know,” Peter said. “But, maybe it’s good.  Don’t get me wrong, it totally sucked, and I may or may not have cried about it”—Peter gave Tony a small smile—“but I needed to get through that. It kind of put into perspective just how bad the stuff I say to myself is, and plus, it was nice to know you weren’t kidding when you said you’d knock someone’s teeth out for calling me a name.”</p><p>Tony stared at him for a moment before exhaling and shaking his head. “You—Peter, you’re something else, you know that?”</p><p>Peter shrugged. Was that a good thing?</p><p>“I never got around to reminding you that you could’ve texted if you were really struggling…” Tony expressed. “I was blindsided by the hug. Didn’t get the chance.” Tony had a wry smile.</p><p><em>Oh my God. The hug. </em>A fourth reason to worry. Tony didn’t seem bothered or uncomfortable, or like he was keeping his distance, so it probably wasn’t a big deal, but Peter still blushed at the memory. He’d practically thrown himself at Tony, and right in front of Natasha and Bucky, too. The image of them making fun of him behind his back pervaded his thoughts for a moment but looking at Tony’s genuine smile made him wonder if he was crazy for thinking it was possible that Tony thought poorly of him. Tony didn’t hate him, right?</p><p>Peter shifted in his chair. <em>You could’ve texted me first. </em>“Yeah, it’s cool. I know the number’s just for emergencies, and I handled it. If I really needed help, I would’ve said something. I swear.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Anyway, Tony.” Peter waved the conversation away. “Let’s just do the weigh-in and get out there. We don’t have to make a big deal out of it.”</p><p>“Sure,” Tony agreed. “If that’s what you want.”</p><p>“I’m not a huge fan of talking about my feelings,” Peter joked.</p><p>“Yeah.” Tony smirked. “Ew, gross. Who wants that?”</p><p>“Exactly.” Peter laughed. He got up from his spot and headed to the scale.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Tony made Peter’s workout the hardest one yet, adding an extra set to his circuit, extending hold times—Peter did a two-minute plank—and increasing incline on the cardio machines. Peter strongly considered withholding the gift he’d bought for Tony. <em>Sixth reason to worry.</em></p><p>“Tony, why do you hate me?” He gasped.</p><p>“I don’t hate you,” Tony disagreed. “I want you to push yourself. I want to see you succeed. That’s liking you.”</p><p>“I don’t even want to know what hating me is, then.”</p><p>Tony laughed, lending a hand to Peter to help him off the exercise mat. “If I hated you, you wouldn’t even be allowed in the gym.”</p><p>“On second thought, please hate me.” Peter gripped Tony’s hand and let him help him up from the floor.</p><p>“Smartass.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter remembered to ask Tony how his weekend was while he stretched post-workout.</p><p>Tony crossed his arms. “I went to scope out a few properties that my girl Shuri had lined up for me.”</p><p>Peter almost bit his tongue off to refrain from asking what “my girl” meant. It helped when he realized it was new information about Tony, and an example of Tony being genuinely sorry for lying since he was being honest about this aspect of his life.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Peter tried to sound casual. “Did you buy any?”</p><p>Was that what it was like making conversation with a middle-aged rich person? Peter suddenly felt self-conscious for some of the things he’d told Tony over the past month. Talking about high school and LEGOs was mundane compared to property investment. Did Tony care if he couldn’t relate? Peter was overly aware of how many differences there were between him and Tony. They lived in different realms. Never mind age and weight, now there was socio-economic class to worry about.</p><p>“Not this time,” Tony explained. “Wasn’t a good fit.”</p><p>“Right.” Peter said as if he even knew what kind of property constituted a good fit for someone. He was just glad to have a roof over his head. “I know all about things not fitting.”</p><p>Tony sighed and gave him a disapproving look when Peter only smirked at.</p><p>“You know,” Tony said. “Shuri’s single and smart just like you…If you don’t mind someone a little bit older, I could set—”</p><p>“No.” Peter interrupted with a frown. “I—no, thanks, but I’m good.” <em>What the hell?</em></p><p>Tony held up his hands. “Fine. I guess I’m not cut out for matchmaking.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. He tried to downplay his reaction and disguise his hurt. Tony was trying to set him up with someone else which was laughable as it was, but it packed an extra punch by letting Peter know that Tony didn’t want him, didn’t care if he dated someone else. Their last lesson together too. Wow. The hurt he was feeling made him sound rude, but hopefully Tony didn’t notice and just took it as regular sarcasm. “You can’t be good at everything, Tony. Maybe leave matchmaking off the resume, yeah?”</p><p>Tony smirked. “Well, I was just saying. Excuse me.”</p><p>Peter shook his head. Regardless of how Tony did or didn’t feel about him, he was grateful for the time they had spent together, and he wanted to show his appreciation. He had spent most of his workout distracted, wondering if Tony would like the thank-you gift he’d purchased for him. Still, the man trying to set him up with someone else stung because of the reminder of how one-sided his attraction was.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter took satisfaction in the fact that he weighed 229 pounds while he dressed. Losing eleven pounds in five weeks was perfectly on target according to Tony. The negativity in his mind wanted to make him think that it wasn’t enough, and that the guys from the Friday before were right, and he was pathetic, but not even that could ruin this. He slid on his jeans and a t-shirt with a blueprint of the Millennium Falcon, grabbed Tony’s gift, and headed to the office.</p><p>Peter hadn’t been quite sure of what to get Tony since nothing could encapsulate what he wanted to convey. Choosing a gift had been difficult since he didn’t know enough useful information about Tony, but then when he’d found out that Tony was wealthy, the task seemed even more impossible. May had taken him to several stores over the weekend, so he could find the perfect thing.</p><p>He sat the gift bag on the desk in front of Tony and took his usual spot in the client chair.</p><p>“What’s this?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter wanted to say, “What’s it look like?” but he didn’t want Tony to think he was mean. Instead, he said, “It’s a gift. For you.”</p><p>“Oh.” Tony awarded Peter with an eye-crinkling smile. “I got you something too.” He waved. “It being the last lesson and all.”</p><p>“You did?” Peter couldn’t help but smile. Tony had remembered. “Thanks, Tony.”</p><p>Tony returned the smile. “If you don’t like it, you can sell it or something.”</p><p>“No, I wouldn’t do that,” Peter refused. “What is it?” He could feel his spirits lifting.</p><p>Tony pulled a small, non-descript gift bag out from behind the desk.</p><p>“Holy shit.” Peter immediately reached his hands out. He loved gifts, and it looked like Tony had gotten him a nice one. He knew his wouldn’t measure up.</p><p>Peter looked into the bag. “Are you kidding me.” He clutched the crisp, white box in his hands.</p><p>Tony seemed pleased. “I know you got all sorts of qualms, and that probably extends to getting gifts, but I don’t want to hear it,” Tony said. “You’re accepting it, and that’s final.”</p><p>Peter sighed. He was tempted to resist, but it was really hard to since he’d been wanting an Apple watch for ages. “I love it.” He traced over the logo on the box delicately.</p><p>“I figured you could use it to stay on track.”</p><p>“Thank you so much. I don’t know what to say,” Peter admitted. “Mine is definitely not this cool.”</p><p>“It’s nothing. You worked hard. You deserve it.”</p><p>“I would’ve asked how you afforded this, but now that I know you’re the boss it makes a lot more sense,” Peter joked.</p><p>Tony huffed.</p><p>“Okay, please open your gift.” Peter changed the subject. “Like I said, it’s not as good as yours, but—”</p><p>“I’ll love it.’</p><p>Peter doubted it. He watched Tony attentively, face flaming, while the man looked inside his own gift bag.</p><p>“I guessed your size,” Peter explained. “I hope it’s right.”</p><p>Tony held the t-shirt up to examine it. “Wow. How’d—that was weeks ago. You remembered?”</p><p>Peter smiled bashfully. “I have a good memory.”</p><p>“Uh, yeah. I’ll say,” Tony agreed.</p><p>“You said you had a lot of shirts, so I didn’t know if you already had it, but I don’t know. Do you like it?”</p><p>“I’ll put it on right now.”</p><p>Peter didn’t have a good rebuttal when Tony slipped off the shirt he was wearing and put his new one on. Peter’s cheeks couldn’t catch a break with how much this interaction with Tony was making him blush. He made himself look away from Tony’s chest.</p><p>“It’s perfect.”</p><p>Peter got Tony a t-shirt for multiple reasons. The most important being that every time Peter saw him he was wearing a shirt with quirky or unique graphics. It was also a throwback to the time they’d both worn the same shirt unintentionally, and Tony had once mentioned how much he liked the band when it played on the gym’s radio. It was nothing for Peter to find a Joy Division shirt at his local record store since so many people wore them. It was a personal and inexpensive gift.</p><p>“There’s a card with it,” Peter blurted. “It’s in the bag, but I’d prefer if you didn’t read it in front of me. It’s embarrassing.”</p><p>Tony sat on the edge of the desk and plucked the card out of the bag.</p><p>Peter went to protest, but then Tony smiled and put it back inside. “Fine.”</p><p>He was much more eloquent in writing, so he’d said all he needed to say. He figured it was probably corny, and way too revealing, but he wanted Tony to know how grateful he was for him. He’d written it before he even knew about Tony’s gift for him which was probably for the best, or he would’ve chickened out for fear of not being able to measure up.</p><p>“I guess now’s as good of a time as any to give you part two of your gift.”</p><p>“What? The watch is way too much as it is.”</p><p>“Tough luck, Parker. Being a boss has its perks, and I can do what I want.”</p><p>Peter smiled and echoed Tony’s earlier words. “Fine. What is it?”</p><p>“You can pick up your new membership card on the way out.” Tony smirked. “You’re a platinum member now, so you can join in on classes, check out the rock-climbing wall, and you’ll get discounts on merch among other things.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Peter asked.</p><p>“Of course I am,” Tony said.</p><p>“Thanks, Tony. That’s super cool, actually,” Peter admitted. “I’m gonna need it too since we won’t be working out together anymore.”</p><p>“Says who?”</p><p>Peter frowned in confusion. “You don’t technically work here, so we probably won’t see each other again.” Peter picked the skin around his thumb while he waited for Tony to answer. He didn’t believe that he was worth Tony’s attention, but that didn’t stop him from wanting it.</p><p>“You don’t need more lessons to exercise with me,” Tony explained as if it was obvious. “You still have a membership, and I own the place. I’m sure we can arrange a time when we’re both available.”</p><p>“Yeah, but you—you don’t have time and especially for free. I’ve already taken enough of your time,” Peter argued.</p><p>“Let me worry about my schedule.”</p><p>Peter chewed his lip. Tony was actually planning on exercising with him, and not just standing around watching while he struggled? Maybe that would be a good thing—if Tony was distracted by his own physical exertion, he wouldn’t have a chance to observe Peter’s.</p><p>Peter’s face brightened. He couldn’t explain how relieved he was that Tony still wanted to continue their work. “So like…what are we thinking? One day a week? Or you know once a month even. That would be cool with me,” Peter suggested.</p><p>Tony shrugged. “I’m easy. Definitely more than once a month, though. Don’t want you forgetting what I look like.”</p><p>As if that was possible.</p><p>“I—what about Fridays?” Peter asked timidly. “Once a week?” He blushed, embarrassed at how obvious he was being with his request. Was it too much to want to see Tony at least once a week?</p><p>“Fridays are good.”</p><p>“Good,” Peter breathed. “I have a lot of things coming up anyway like the Academic Decathlon, oh, and the annual robotics competition,” Peter listed. “Plus we have an end-of-year performance for band. I think that’s it, unless I’m forgetting something, but yeah, not having set lessons on Tuesday will be helpful. It’s been kind of tricky juggling everything.”</p><p>Peter couldn’t read Tony’s expression, but he instantly regretted revealing what a huge nerd he was. <em>Ugh.</em></p><p>“All right. It’s settled.” Tony said. “Fridays.”</p><p>“Cool.” Peter smiled. “Well, is there any last assignment I should do? Or anything I should know going forward? If we’re going to be meeting once a week, I don’t want to be asking you tons of questions or relying on you to keep up my coaching, or whatever, since you’re not gonna be on the clock. I mean, you weren’t technically anyway, but you know what I’m trying to say.”</p><p>“Huh,” Tony remarked. “We can still work on your binder, and I’ll help you with measurements if you want, and maybe I’ll guide you during workouts where I can, but I’ll leave it to you to ask if you want my help. I don’t need to know your weight and things like that if I’m not officially training you.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “Okay, but Tony, are you sure you’re actually cool with this?”</p><p>Tony opened his mouth to answer, but Peter kept going.</p><p>“I’m not saying it as an insult…I just mean, you’re so much more advanced, and the fighting you did with Bucky and everything. Will working out at the level I am even be a challenge for you?”</p><p>Tony’s mouth quirked into a small smile. “Stop worrying so much about me. The cool thing about treadmills is that each one can be on a different setting.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Unless that’s a problem for you?” Tony amended. “If my expertise and abundance of know-how is too much for you, you can say so.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “It’s not. I would hate if you tried to hold back just to spare my dignity. That would be a problem for me.”</p><p>“Good,” Tony agreed. “I wasn’t planning on holding back.”</p><p>“Good,” Peter echoed.</p><p> </p><p>Peter wondered if anyone would notice that Tony was walking out of the office with a different shirt than the one he went in with. Would they question why Peter had given Tony a gift? Before receiving his own gift from Tony, he’d worried he’d overstepped, or that Tony would be polite about it but secretly think it was creepy—especially given how heartfelt the card was. Peter was grateful he wouldn’t be around when Tony read it. Since Tony had thought to get him a gift also, Peter didn’t feel so bad about it. He did wish that Tony would’ve included a card or a note. Oh well.</p><p>Peter would’ve worn his watch immediately, but he needed to set it up at home. He could guess what May would say when she saw it. He considered hiding it, but she found everything out anyway.</p><p>Peter saw Nebula eye the bag in his hand, and he knew if it had been anyone else they would’ve smiled or said something, but she remained expressionless.</p><p>“Hey Neb,” Tony spoke, leaning on the front desk before Nebula.</p><p>“Tony.”</p><p>“It’s Peter’s last day of lessons.”</p><p>“Yes it is,” Nebula agreed. “He survived prolonged periods of time with you. That’s impressive.”</p><p>Tony burst out laughing. Peter smiled timidly.</p><p>“Can I have his new card. Please?”</p><p>Nebula just started at him for a moment before smirking and sliding the card toward him.</p><p>“You’re the best,” Tony thanked her.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky must’ve seen Peter on his way out the door because he came out to say bye. Peter could tell he was in a good mood since he wasn’t covering the front desk for once. Peter was surprised to see Steve in tow; he hadn’t seen the man earlier. He must have been busy with a class.</p><p>“What’s in the bag?” Bucky asked, waggling his eyebrows.</p><p>“Oh.” Peter’s eyes brightened. “It’s a gift from Tony.”</p><p>Steve’s face turned serious. “I don’t get anything for my clients. Is there a new procedure I don’t know about?”</p><p>Bucky laughed. “No, Steve. There’s no procedure.”</p><p>Steve inclined his head. “Oh. You’re all finished with the lessons, then?”</p><p>“Yep. All done,” Peter replied. It was much easier talking to Steve when he wasn’t in a towel.</p><p>“That’s great.” Steve unleashed the full force of his smile. “I’ve noticed how much you’re improving. You and Tony work really well together.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “Yeah, thanks. That’s nice of you.”</p><p>Steve nodded appreciatively. “What did Tony get you, if you don’t mind me asking?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Bucky crossed his arms. “What’d you get?”</p><p>Peter was going to reply, but Tony stepped in instead.</p><p>“It’s a Smartwatch,” Tony explained.</p><p>Peter watched Bucky and Steve, waiting for their reaction.</p><p>“Lucky,” Bucky grumbled. “Must be nice to get a gift worth half our rent. Where’s ours?”</p><p>“Bucky,” Steve chided.</p><p>Bucky shrugged.</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “Who says I didn’t get anything for you guys? The company retreat’s coming up after all, and you know how generous the summertime makes me.”</p><p>Peter thought Tony was just joking but Bucky actually seemed to accept the explanation, and Steve didn’t look like he cared either way.</p><p>“We’re just joking Peter,” Bucky explained. “You deserve whatever is in that bag, if not for your hard work, then for keeping this old man occupied so he stays off our backs.”</p><p>Peter looked from Bucky to Tony, his lips in an O. He had almost forgotten how sarcastic everyone around him was. He didn’t feel so guilty for having his own witty humour.</p><p>“Don’t mention it,” Peter retorted. “I don’t mind.” He was going to add “having Tony on my back” to the comeback, but he decided against it since Bucky was already smirking at him.</p><p>“Yeah, see?” Tony added. “Peter appreciates me, and I don’t even have to pay him.”</p><p>“He’s just kidding,” Steve spoke for Bucky. “He’s got a big mouth.” Steve punctuated the accusation by smacking Bucky playfully on the arm.</p><p>“Yeah, I know, and you weren’t complaining about it last night,” Bucky argued.</p><p>Steve went beet red and left the room after he waved goodbye to Peter. Bucky laughed and followed after his boyfriend. “Bye, Peter. See you later.”</p><p>Peter held his hand up lamely, relieved that no one seemed to notice Tony’s new shirt. Maybe nobody paid as much attention to Tony as he did.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re annoying,” Tony said. “But unfortunately, generally likeable and good at their jobs. Sometimes.”</p><p>Peter laughed. He didn’t mind the teasing, really. He was glad Bucky treated him like a friend, and Steve was hilarious with how reserved he was. Now that Peter had learned more about his demeanour, he harboured no hard feelings about the locker room interaction.</p><p>“Well, I guess it’s time to go,” Peter announced awkwardly. “Thanks again for the present, and the lessons, and the membership…and everything. Seriously, Tony. I don’t know what else I can say.”</p><p>“It’s nothing,” Tony said. “I’ll see you this Friday at the usual time.”</p><p>Peter nodded. He refrained from asking Tony if he was sure again. It probably got tiring being asked that all the time.</p><p>“I’ll be ready for you to show me up,” Tony added with a wink.</p><p>Peter grimaced in jest. He could live a million years and never show Tony Stark up.</p><p>“Okay, skedaddle.” Tony waved.</p><p>“Bye, Tony.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh boy, Peter and Tony are still at the hugging stage after 60,000 words, so I think I've earned my Slow Burn tag.</p><p>Thanks again to everyone for the support. I hope everyone is doing well. I love hearing all your thoughts and personal experiences in the comments! If you don't feel comfortable commenting, that's okay. I have anonymous messages enabled in my ask box on tumblr (winterironspiderling). Also, if English isn't your first language, or you're not from Canada/USA, or if my wording is confusing in general, or if you have trouble understanding absolutely anything I've written for any reason, feel free to ask for clarification! I will answer you and try to explain better.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Inquisition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The day after Peter and Tony's last lesson together, and then their first workout as friends.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for a masturbation scene right at the end of this chapter. I'm finally earning my explicit rating. :') If you want to skip it, stop reading after Peter says goodbye to Tony and heads to the locker room.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter set up his watch as soon as he returned home from the gym. He was pleased that Tony had selected the plain black sport band because he wanted it to be as discreet as possible. At a glance, it could pass for his regular watch that he wore. He knew May and his friends would notice it nonetheless, but he wanted to put that off as long as possible.</p><p>Everyone teased him about Tony because they knew he had a crush on him, and he wasn’t a fan of being teased in general, but especially not about liking Tony. It just reminded him that Tony was perfectly generous and kind to him, but not interested. Everyone would interpret Tony’s nice gesture the wrong way as if it was an indication that Peter’s feelings were returned, and he wasn’t about to let his delusional friends affect his thoughts and give him false hope.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>May noticed it in the morning while he was cracking eggs into a frying pan. It wasn’t a conversation he really wanted to have before school. Especially when he had a test first period, and especially since he’d hoped to put it off indefinitely.</p><p>“Wow,” May commented. “That’s a spiffy watch you got there.”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said, glancing at his wrist. “Yeah.”</p><p>“When did you get that?”</p><p>“Yesterday.”</p><p>May raised her eyebrows. “You bought it?”</p><p>“Not exactly,” Peter admitted. He moved the eggs around in the pan with his spatula. “Tony gave it to me for like a last lesson gift, or whatever.” As if he would’ve been able to afford a watch like that when he only worked once a week. Even if he included the tips he got, most of his pay over the years had gone to buying snack food.</p><p>“That’s kind of an expensive gift from a personal trainer. Isn’t it?”</p><p>“Ehh, kind of,” Peter admitted. “I looked it up, they’re like anywhere from four hundred to a thousand dollars.”</p><p>May raised her eyebrows.</p><p>“I think this one was somewhere in the middle since it doesn’t have a data plan or anything. Probably because he knows I’m just a broke high school kid who can’t afford to pay extra on the phone bill.”</p><p>Peter glanced at May before he continued. “So, it’s really not that big of a deal. Besides, I got him a gift too. You know that. It’s different for him because he’s rich, so if you actually took how much the watch costs and made it a percentage of his total income, and then you took the t-shirt and compared it to mine. I technically spent more, and I think—”</p><p>“Peter,” May said. “You’re rambling.”</p><p>“Sorry.” Peter took his eggs out of the pan. “You weren’t saying anything.”</p><p>“Since when is Tony rich?”</p><p>Peter groaned internally at his babbling problem. He either said nothing or spilled his guts, it seemed. He figured he might as well tell the truth.</p><p>“And what are you so nervous about?” May accused. “You look guilty.” She narrowed her eyes.</p><p>Peter sighed. “Don’t be mad.”</p><p>May settled in her chair when she realized she’d succeeded at pressing Peter’s buttons, and that he had a story to tell.</p><p>“So last Friday, some guys at the gym were sort of rude to me, and—”</p><p>“What?” May demanded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>Peter shrugged and gave her an impish smile.</p><p>“You know, I thought you looked off when I picked you up, but I didn’t push because I know how much you hate that.”</p><p>“What happened?” May asked.</p><p>“It’s nothing,” Peter said. “They said I was…well, it doesn’t matter exactly what they said, but Tony kicked them out, and then I found out he’s actually the owner of Iron Fitness. Not just the one I go to, either, May. Like, <em>all of them.</em> Even the one you go to. It was actually pretty badass the way he stood up to them.”</p><p>“Anyway.” Peter waved. “I’m pretty sure he just bought me a nice gift because he felt bad.”</p><p>May frowned. “Peter. Are you okay? I feel so awful…I shouldn’t have left you alone, but I didn’t know.”</p><p>“It’s okay. Seriously.” Peter shrugged. “I was fine.” Mostly.</p><p>“So, he’s the owner?” May asked. “That’s…interesting?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter huffed. That had been his reaction too.</p><p>“And you just found that out?” May wondered.</p><p>“Right,” Peter said. “When he was telling those guys off—it was actually pretty funny—they asked to see the manager, and he was all like, ‘I’m the owner’. Then he told them they had to leave, and he broke the one guy’s finger from what I heard. I didn’t see it because I went back to the locker room.”</p><p>“Good,” May commented. “I’m glad Tony was there for you.”</p><p>Peter sat back in his chair, relieved that the conversation had gone so well. He had been expecting May to pop her top, or at least wince at the fact that he was closely involved with violence.</p><p>Then May continued, “But isn’t a bit weird that it never came up before? Why was he even training you in the first place?” Peter heard the unspoken words. <em>Doesn’t he have better things to do?</em></p><p>Peter deliberated over how much of the truth he wanted to reveal. “They were short staffed the night I started, so Tony helped me out, and then I guess he missed being a trainer, so he just kept training me instead of passing me off to someone else. I don’t really get it, but yeah. That’s what happened.”</p><p>May furrowed her brows. “So now you’re done your lessons, and that’s it? You’re not seeing him anymore?”</p><p>“Well,” Peter began. “We’re gonna start working out on Fridays only just as friends, not like him being my trainer.”</p><p>“Oh.” May smiled. “That’s great. That’s really, really great.”</p><p>“You think so?” Peter asked.</p><p>May nodded. “I’m not gonna lie. It’s a bit…odd. Unconventional, maybe to be friends with someone so much older, but…I don’t know.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “You think it’s weird that he didn’t tell me he was the owner?” Admittedly, he thought it was weird too, but he wanted May’s opinion.</p><p>May deliberated. “Does Mr. Delmar tell the customers he’s the owner when he makes sandwiches?”</p><p>Peter laughed. “No, but Mr. Delmar isn’t a millionaire.”</p><p>“As far as you know.” May pointed at him.</p><p>Peter shook his head.</p><p>“I don’t think it’s that big of a deal,” May decided. “But, on the other hand, I do think it’s weird that he’s buying you expensive presents and still agreeing to meet with you,” May said carefully. “I know I teased you about it before, but Peter, he is a lot older than you, and he must know we’re not made of money. I don’t want him to be manipulating you into something more than friendship.”</p><p>“Oh my God.” Peter recoiled. “What?”</p><p>“I’m serious,” May continued. “He could be the nicest guy in the world, but I’ll always look out for you first. You having a crush on him is one thing, but he can’t return those feelings.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “I know that.”</p><p>“Not because of <em>you</em>,” May insisted. “Because of your age.”</p><p>“You don’t have to worry about any of it,” Peter said. “Really, May.”</p><p>“Okay.” May held her hands up. “I trust you, but I just want you to be aware. You need to use your instincts.”</p><p>Peter scoffed. “He told me all about one of his single friends that I might be interested in. That doesn’t seem to me like he has feelings for me, and him offering to take time out of his schedule to work out with someone like me doesn’t scream bad intentions. How could you say that?”</p><p>May sighed. “You’re right, maybe I’m being a little too protective, but you don’t see what I see. Peter, you’re handsome, smart, funny, and anyone would be lucky to have you. I know you don’t believe that, but it’s very possible that anyone—not just Tony—could take advantage of how you feel about yourself. I want to make sure you’re safe.”</p><p>Peter didn’t know what to say to that. If anything, the way he felt about himself made him keep his distance from everybody. How could he fall for anybody’s manipulation tactics when he vehemently believed nobody on the planet could be attracted to him and when he would never subject anybody to his body no matter what they said? His entire being was a flashing Keep Out sign.</p><p>“I don’t want to be negative,” May added. “The watch is…great. I just want you to accept the possibility that it means something more to him.”</p><p>Peter wanted to laugh. Everything May was saying was so off base no matter how he looked at it. First of all, Tony wasn’t interested, so the watch literally meant nothing. Second of all, if Tony was interested, Peter didn’t see how that was a problem or why a nice watch was a bad sign. Third of all, if Tony was trying to buy him off, he was wasting his time because Peter liked him long before any gift exchange. Fourth of all, besides suggesting he try dating Shuri, Tony hadn’t even texted him a thank you for the card, and hadn’t actually texted him ever, so there were no boundaries being crossed at all. Fifth of all, it was just annoying that Peter couldn’t have one nice thing in his life without May worrying that it could somehow be bad. Peter didn’t care if Tony was older and richer than him; Tony wasn’t some manipulative creep.</p><p>“I’m gonna go to school,” Peter said. He got up from the table, eggs barely touched on his plate. “I wanna look over my notes before the test.”</p><p>“Oh come on, Peter, don’t go like that.”</p><p>Peter sighed. It was a bit dramatic, but his appetite was gone. <em>Alert the presses, Peter Parker doesn’t feel like eating.</em></p><p>He grabbed his dish, scraped the food off it, and rinsed it before putting it in the sink. “I’ll see you after school, May.”</p><p>“Have a good day.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>After his conversation with May, Peter felt both relieved and disappointed. Everything was out in the open now, and she’d taken it fairly well. The problem was that proving to May that nothing was going on or could ever go on between him and Tony had worked a little too well. Peter had thoroughly convinced himself.</p><p>He wanted to feel happy about the gift, but it kept reminding him that Tony had gotten it as a friendly gesture, not a romantic one. The watch never lit up with a text notification from Tony saying anything about the card or thanking him again for the t-shirt. Literally and figuratively, the watch told him all he needed to know about the possibility of a relationship. In a strange way, Peter felt confident since he’d been proven right. It was something he could be sure of. Tony wasn’t interested, and he didn't have to worry about it. He could enjoy their time together for what it was.</p><p>
  <em>I don’t even know why I care so much. This was never supposed to happen. We were gonna train together, and I wasn’t gonna even think about liking him. I let my feelings get way too out of control.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>He kept waiting for either Ned or MJ to bring up the watch, but they must’ve had other things on their mind. Peter didn’t know whether he was glad he didn’t have to talk about it or peeved because he’d wanted an excuse to bring it up and see what they thought. He realized that nobody noticed it because nobody was obsessing over it quite as much as he was.</p><p>He thought back to his conversation with May and felt guilty for being secretive about everything just because he’d worried about her reaction. It was impossible not to draw the parallel between that and what Tony had done. He was keeping things from his friends too. They still didn’t know about what happened at the gym, or the extent of how strong he’d let his feelings for Tony get. Plus, he’d kept his diet a secret from MJ, and she’d pretended not to be hurt, but she probably had been. He just didn’t think anyone would care—they all had their own things going on. All of them were equally busy with school, Ned’s parents had him in other clubs outside of school, too, and MJ volunteered every spare minute she had. Peter couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard about how things were going between Ned and Betty, or if MJ was interested in anyone.</p><p>“Hey, MJ, what did you do last night?” Peter asked over lunch.</p><p>MJ looked up and frowned. “Why?”</p><p>“Just curious.”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes. “What did you do?”</p><p>“I went to the gym,” Peter offered. “How about you, Ned?”</p><p>Ned beamed. “I went to Betty’s house.”</p><p>“Cool,” Peter said. “That’s awesome, dude.”</p><p>MJ huffed. “If you must know, I went to the movies.”</p><p>“Okay.” Peter gestured for more information. “With who? What did you see?”</p><p>MJ finally smiled. “I went with Liz. We watched a documentary about the bloody history of national monuments.”</p><p>“Oh sick,” Ned interjected. “How was it?”</p><p>“Didn’t really watch much of it,” MJ hinted.</p><p>Peter grinned. “Dude, I guess it’s time to update your sign.” He held out his hand for a fist bump.</p><p>“This again.” Ned shook his head.</p><p>MJ bumped Peter’s hand. “So, I guess I like girls?”</p><p>“We have something in common,” Ned cheered. “You’re always surprising me, MJ.”</p><p>The rest of the lunch turned into giggling and joking, and Peter forgot all about his own struggles since his friends were happy to tell him about all of theirs. He was going to have to remember to ask them about their lives more often. It was humbling to be reminded that other people had things going on outside of his own life. He cared about what they had to say, and he felt like if that was true, then they probably cared about what he had to say. He didn’t tell them about his developing feelings for Tony or the jerks at the gym, but it was comforting to know that if he did, they would be there for him.</p><p>The same went for May and her concerns. As much as he hated being questioned and calming down a frazzled May, he knew he was lucky to have her, and there were worse things than having someone be protective of you. Between May's concerns, and Tony's standing up for him, Peter was realizing that he enjoyed knowing he had people looking out for him. Caring about himself was a job he obviously had a hard time doing, so why not accept a little help?</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter was exhausted from a week of extra-curriculars, tests, and picking up a surprise shift at Delmar’s by the time his Friday meetup with Tony rolled around. He felt guilty for not having been to the gym since Tuesday, but he knew that school would be ending in a couple months, and then he’d have all the time in the world for exercise. Especially if he decided not to go to college like he was considering. He still wasn’t sure.</p><p>Nebula was at the desk again, and Peter was tempted not to say anything, but he decided to be brave.</p><p>“Hi, Nebula. How are you?”</p><p>“Fine,” she said.</p><p>“Cool.” Peter nodded.</p><p>“How was…school?”</p><p>Peter grinned. “Sucked.”</p><p>“Hmm. Sounds just like I remember it.”</p><p>Peter nodded in agreement and continued to the locker room after giving Nebula a small wave. Another semi-successful social interaction under his belt.</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s heart leapt into his mouth when he walked into the locker room and saw Tony washing his hands at the sink.</p><p>Tony met his eyes in the mirror and smiled. He turned around.</p><p>Peter’s eyes fell to Tony’s shirt and he laughed. “Vote for Pedro?”</p><p>Tony smirked.</p><p>“<em>Vota por mí</em>,” Peter joked.</p><p>After he made the joke, he realized it was a really dorky thing to say. He only spoke Spanish at school and with Mr. Delmar. He worried Tony wouldn’t get it and that he would think he was stupid, but then Tony surprised him and chuckled.</p><p>The man clapped his hands together. “Gosh, two days away was too long, Parker. I’ll see you out there.”</p><p>Peter nodded dumbly and watched Tony leave the locker room.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter had been worried that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with Tony—which wasn’t really an unfounded worry since Peter had only been working out for almost two months compared to Tony’s twenty-plus years—but Tony didn’t go overboard with the showing off.</p><p>Peter had also wondered if Tony was continuing their sessions out of pity or obligation. He thought maybe Tony didn’t actually want to work out with him, but he told himself he was being ridiculous. Nobody went that much out of their way unless they wanted to, but Tony had insisted he wasn’t going out of his way. Admitting that Tony was doing him a big favour meant admitting that the man cared for his well-being on some level, but Peter also thought that Tony was simply a nice and generous person, and it wasn’t personal. Oppositely, passing Tony's actions off as meaningless seemed insulting because Peter was grateful and did think it was important. Even if it was only important to him and not to Tony. Peter didn’t know what to think. </p><p>Peter wasn’t officially reporting his progress to Tony anymore, so it wasn’t like he had to work, and the man had to exercise sometime. Peter told himself he should probably listen to Tony that it wasn’t that big of a deal. They were friends. God only knew why someone like Tony wanted to be friends with someone like him, but whatever.</p><p>Since Tony wasn't technically his trainer anymore, he had plans to set up another appointment with Val, and he felt comfortable asking other employees at the gym for help if he ever needed it. Tony had given him enough of a base during their month together that he knew what he was doing with calorie intake, and it wasn’t hard to find workouts to do online. The most important thing about working with Tony was the moral support and the camaraderie, and he was still getting that even though the label of their relationship had changed.</p><p>It was nice because working out with a partner enabled him to experience exercises different from those he was used to. One of which was standing back to back with Tony while they passed each other a medicine ball.</p><p>They did several variations of planks, lunges, sit-ups, and squats next to each other which wasn’t that much of a change for Peter because Tony had always joined in for at least a little while they did a lesson together. Another change was that Tony usually held Peter’s ankles while he did sit-ups to keep his feet grounded, but now that Tony was exercising, too, Peter had the opportunity to return the favour.</p><p>“How many push-ups can you do, Pete?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter huffed. “I could probably do like ten max. I’m still working on it.”</p><p>“Okay, do you want to make me suffer?”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>“Aww.” Tony grinned. “How about this. Instead of making our different abilities a problem, why don’t we use it to your advantage?”</p><p>“Okay…”</p><p>“Do as many push-ups as you can,” Tony instructed. “And for each one you do, I’ll do five.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “Is this a sneaky way of showing off?”</p><p>“No,” Tony said. “It’s gonna inspire you, trust me. You might even get to see me faceplant.”</p><p>Peter laughed and got onto the floor. He assumed a push-up position and started, getting through the first five fairly easily, but then beginning to struggle on the sixth.</p><p>“Come on,” Tony urged. “You only have me doing thirty so far. I want to hurt.”</p><p>Peter forced himself to get to twelve, but it wasn’t pretty.</p><p>“Sixty it is,” Tony announced. “Do some jumping jacks while you watch.”</p><p>Peter shook his head. “You can’t tell me what to do anymore.”</p><p>“Then why are you doing them?” Tony asked.</p><p>“Drop and give me sixty. Come on, big shot.” Peter grinned, ignoring the question.</p><p>Tony did as he was told.</p><p>Peter watched while Tony got through thirty push-ups without any shaking or struggling. He was about to say something about how that was totally showing off when Tony got to forty, and then Peter got his satisfaction.</p><p>Tony paused when he went down, and his arms trembled before he was able to get himself back up. The next few were more stable, and then he still had fifteen more to go.</p><p>“Come on, Tony,” Peter cheered. “You can do it. Push yourself.” He smiled at his joke.</p><p>Tony huffed. “Don’t make me laugh.”</p><p>“You do it to me all the time,” Peter reminded him. “Ten more!”</p><p>It was a delight for Peter to see Tony exerting himself, finally. After all the jokes about getting Botox so he didn’t sweat, Peter got to see Tony red-faced. The veins in his arms starting to bulge from all the man’s effort. Peter licked his lips. <em>Get a hold of yourself.</em></p><p>It was just too easy to imagine Tony in a similar position, maybe on a bed instead of a gym mat. <em>Uh oh.</em></p><p>“You don’t have to finish,” Peter said. “Leave it at fifty-five. I’m satisfied.”</p><p>“Nope,” Tony grunted. His arms were shaking violently now.</p><p>Peter winced at the sound. It wasn’t fair that Tony had to be so hot.</p><p>Tony eventually got through the last five, and then it was Peter’s turn to help him off the mat.</p><p>“That was amazing, Tony. Seriously.”</p><p>“Uhm, that’s one word for it.” Tony grabbed Peter’s hand and let himself be hoisted up.</p><p>“Next time, I’m doing fifteen,” Peter promised. “You better start practicing.”</p><p> </p><p>After the workout was done, Peter felt awkward about knowing how to end it. Was Tony going to be showering in the stall next to him, or should he just shower at home? If he left at the same time as Tony, was the man going to walk him home again, or give him a ride? There would be no office visit or homework to be handed out, so what happened next? Peter liked the comfort of a routine, and this was throwing him off.</p><p>Peter decided to stop being a worrisome baby and go about things as usual. He had to go to the locker room anyway since that’s where he kept his stuff, and Tony’s was in his office.</p><p>“I’ll see you next week, Tony,” Peter offered.</p><p>“Oh,” Tony said. “You didn’t want a ride home?”</p><p>Peter smiled. “No, thank you. Gotta shower.”</p><p>“I can wait.”</p><p>“No, that’s okay. Really. Go ahead.” Peter wondered if he was stupid for turning down yet another ride from the man he had a crush on, but it was probably the smartest he’d been this whole time. There was no point in leading himself on. Tony was his friend, and that was it—which was totally fine, obviously, he didn’t expect anything from Tony beyond what he already got—perpetuating the amount of time they spent together wouldn’t do anything to ease his feelings, though. He couldn’t let Tony keep doing nice things for him.</p><p>“All right. Have a good weekend, and stay out of trouble.” Tony winked.</p><p>“You too.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter wasn’t exactly thrilled about having to wait another week before he could see Tony after their time was up. He looked on the brightside, though; the less Tony saw him, the more pronounced any progress he made would seem. It was disconcerting not to have anyone to answer to because he could abandon his entire diet or start fudging the numbers in his progress binder, or start skipping the gym altogether. Peter had been around the block enough times with his own issues enough times to know that a slip-up was a strong possibility, if not completely inevitable, but he felt strong enough to put it off. He could take it one day at a time and look for support if he needed it. Part of the journey was learning how to ask for help and risk vulnerability. Peter had learned how to do that even if he still had a long way to go.</p><p> </p><p>Peter chose the same shower stall that he always did and set about his routine. Showering at the gym wasn’t the most ideal because there were other men occupying the space, and the privacy of his own apartment and bathroom were more comfortable, but May had made an offhand comment about how much money they were saving on the utility bill because of his sacrifice, so that was nice.</p><p>Peter scrubbed at his skin thoroughly, going over the evening in his head, considering his progress and how many calories he’d probably burned. He was impressed with with the number of push-ups he could do now. Tony called something like that a non-scale victory. Sometimes it was more satisfying to achieve something like a shirt becoming loose or lifting a heavier weight than it was to see the number on the scale decrease. Peter considered how many push-ups Tony was able to do. Surprisingly, it didn't make him feel poorly about himself. He just found it hot. It was obscene how physically fit Tony was.</p><p>He was glad he was alone with his thoughts because remembering how Tony had looked was affecting him.</p><p>As much as Peter had been tempted to jerk off during his past showers, he’d never been able to get over the awkwardness and the feeling of exposure that came from hearing other voices in the room. It wasn’t like Tony being attractive was anything new either, but something about all those push-ups and the groaning motivated Peter to touch himself.</p><p>He got hard easily which was nothing new, but staying hard shocked him. Usually by the time his brain interfered with his desire by making him feel ashamed for being turned on when he had no right to be, his dick got the picture that nothing would be happening. Not this time.</p><p>The more Peter thought about Tony, the harder he got.</p><p>
  <em>Okay, so this is happening.</em>
</p><p>He decided to roll with it.</p><p>Peter had heard of other guys his age having a problem with coming way too quickly, but he’d never experienced it himself. Finishing often took him more than ten minutes since his brain liked to make him feel disgusting while he did it.</p><p>Maybe it was partially the hot water and all the blood pumping through him from exercising. Maybe not. He knew it definitely had something to do with Tony, though. Peter focused on what he’d seen. Tony’s toned arms. His perky ass. The groaning. He wasn't at the point where he could imagine doing anything with Tony himself, but he let himself picture Tony solo. Maybe naked. Maybe nearly naked.</p><p>Peter wrapped a hand around himself and stroked fast, a feat that was much easier now that he’d built up the strength in his arms. Another non-scale victory. One that he wouldn’t be reporting to Tony. The image of Tony sitting behind the desk in the office with his cock out, waiting invaded his mind. Peter wondered what it would be like to be on his knees for him.</p><p>“Oh shit,” Peter blurted, spilling into his fist. So much for Tony being solo...</p><p>He prayed that no one had heard him while he washed the evidence of his actions down the drain. He felt a bit guilty for objectifying Tony in his dirty brain, but not so guilty that he wouldn't do it again. It had felt way too good.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not sure what everyone's preference is when it comes to handling the age difference between Peter and Tony, but as much as I want to write it not being an issue, I also enjoy writing as realistically as possible, so I'm obligated to write May being concerned since Peter is 17, after all. I know some people might wish Peter was aged up a little, but hopefully this story is still palatable to those who prefer an older Peter. </p><p>I know it's just a fan fiction, and /we/ know that Tony isn't a bad person, but even in Spider-Man: Homecoming May says to Peter, "Not a fan of that Tony Stark. He's got you in your head...you need to use your instincts," so I like to have May skeptical of Peter's relationship with Tony, but also trusting of Peter. </p><p>Plus, it's a real thing that abusive people will prey on those with low self-confidence because they might not think they deserve better, and obviously that's not what's going on here at all, since Tony wants to help Peter, not hurt him. However May is considering that Tony might not have good intentions since some of his actions do seem sketchy. (Even in canon, Tony recruits Peter at 14, and jokes about telling May if Peter doesn't come fight with him, but Peter was Spider-Man before Tony and continued to be even with his suit taken away, and when he turns down the IronSpider suit, Tony accepts the choice, so obviously the threat about telling May in Civil War was a joke because he listens to Peter, and obviously Peter has agency in his own life.) But sketchy actions don't always equate to being a bad person. Tony is just misunderstood. :')</p><p>Anyway sorry for my longwindedness!!!! I just wanted to mention my views because to some it might be annoying to read the scenes were Pepper, Mr. Delmar, and May try to keep Peter and Tony apart, but in my opinion it's realistic that they would all be concerned. </p><p>What do you think? Even if you disagree, I'd like to hear your opinions!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Consideration</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tony goes to see Rhodey in D.C.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A complete chapter of Tony POV. :)</p><p>Alcohol and mild issues with alcohol are referenced, just in case that bothers anyone.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony left Manhattan for D.C. on a Monday night. He made the five-hour journey to Rhodey’s place in four hours. He’d been anticipating the trip since Rhodey had texted him about it a few weeks before.</p><p>The visit was long overdue since they didn't have much opportunity to get together in-person anymore. Different lines of work and different zip codes were a side effect of adulthood. Tony always looked forward to time spent with his best friend whether he went to Rhodey's, or the man came to the city.  Besides the fun and the general satisfaction of seeing his friend, Tony enjoyed the free time driving gave him. Time to think, time to listen to music, time away from work.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Rhodey,” Tony greeted.</p><p>“Tony, it’s been too long, man. How are you?” Rhodey ushered Tony in through the door of his apartment and enveloped him in a hug.</p><p>“Oh, I’m peachy,” Tony said. It was odd to say that and mean it. “It really has been a minute since I’ve graced you with my presence.”</p><p>“Same,” Rhodey agreed. “I don’t get up to Manhattan nearly as much as I’d like.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “All in good time. What’s that saying? Absence makes the heart grow fonder?”</p><p>“That’s the way I’ve heard it.”</p><p>“Exactly. We never got a break from each other back in college, so we’re making it up now.”</p><p>“Still,” Rhodey said. “It’d be nice to see you more.”</p><p>Tony smiled. He missed Rhodey being in his everyday life, but they were both busy with their careers. At least they had cell phones to help take the edge off. He noticed how much he missed the man most when work was slow. Endless responsibilities kept loneliness from creeping in since he had no time to think about anything except the next building he wanted to acquire, profit margins and expenses, and customer and employee satisfaction. The irony of the situation was that a lot of his employees and coworkers were in stable and healthy long-term relationships, so work rubbed his relationship status in his face as much as it distracted him from it.</p><p>Tony was happy for Pepper and Happy since they’d danced around each other a long time before sealing the deal, but that had knocked out two of his best friends since they both had less time to spend paying attention to him. Not that they completely cut him off or abandoned him, but what limited free time they had was spent together, so that was that. Bucky and Steve weren’t extremely close friends of his but seeing the way they interacted was almost painful because they were such a good fit. They reminded him of everything he didn’t have.</p><p>It was comforting to be around Rhodey since he was single too, and they had shared history to reminisce about.</p><p>“So, what do you wanna tonight, Tones?”</p><p>Tony rubbed his hands together. The possibilities were endless, and he didn’t have work that needed to be done since he’d prearranged this trip with Pepper, and they’d discussed everything that needed to be delegated to assistants and subordinates. And, Tony didn’t have anything in his schedule to worry about except Friday with Peter.</p><p>“Let’s go out to eat, Country Rhodes,” Tony suggested. “I’m starving.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Rhodey and Tony decided on Taco Bell since it was basically tradition after how much they’d eaten it during their college years. Tony knew he’d probably end up on the toilet or in front of it after all was said and done, but he wasn’t going to let that keep him away from the pseudo Mexican cuisine.</p><p>Tony ordered a party pack for himself along with the biggest size soda they had to offer. He was ready to have a good time.</p><p>“I bet you fifty bucks I can finish before you,” Rhodey challenged.</p><p>“I bet you fifty bucks you can’t.” Tony accepted the wager.</p><p>Both of them failed, so Rhodey tried to call it a draw, but Tony wouldn't have it.</p><p>“See now, I only have half of my last taco left,” Tony argued. “You have a half and a little bit. Plus look at all those drippings on your wrapper. That accounts for at least one taco if you add it all up. Therefore, I win.”</p><p>“I don’t have the stomach to argue with you.” Rhodey shook his head. “Literally. My stomach is disintegrating.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t have tried to be a big man and use the fire sauce,” Tony reminded his friend, delighted.</p><p>Rhodey rolled his eyes and sat back while Tony gathered their trays and tossed the garbage away.</p><p>“Guess we’re not kids anymore,” Rhodey complained.</p><p>Tony nodded in agreement before asking, “So what’s next on the docket? Your honour?”</p><p>Rhodey laughed at the lawyer joke and then his face turned more serious. “I wouldn’t mind grabbing a couple drinks. I’ll probably regret it with my stomach being on fire and all, but…only if you’re up to it.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “I’m game, although I respectfully withdraw from any competitions you were thinking of having. God knows I’d win that one.”</p><p>“We don’t have to—”</p><p>“Rhodey, please. Have a little faith. Let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Tony wasn’t uncomfortable while he sat across from Rhodey at some dimly lit pub-style bar. He looked at Rhodey’s beer and thought it might be nice to have one, but he didn’t feel any danger or overpowering need to rip it out of his friend’s hands. He decided to have one drink. A smooth gin and tonic with a lime, not a cucumber—no matter how fancy connoisseurs insisted a cucumber garnish was.</p><p>After that, he moved onto soda, and something that never failed to bring him a sense of pride, was that he enjoyed that more than the booze. Apart from Rhodey double-checking to see if it was all right, which Tony appreciated more than he let on, nothing else was said or brought up. Rhodey wasn’t watching him carefully, and he wasn’t watching himself carefully. All he really wanted from the evening was to know how Rhodey was holding up.</p><p>“Truth,” Tony began, “how are you?”</p><p>Rhodey raised his eyebrows. “Truth? Doing all right. Work isn’t easy right now, but the money’s good. The apartment’s holding up to my standards.”</p><p>“You know, if you moved to Manhattan, I could get you set up with a nice place,” Tony offered. “You could take your pick. I’d knock a few bucks off rent. It would be great.”</p><p>Rhodey sipped his beer. “Actually, that kind of leads me up to telling you…”</p><p>“What?” Tony pressed. “You’re expecting?”</p><p>“No, that’s the Taco Bell,” Rhodey said with another eye roll.</p><p>“I was going to say that I’m seeing somebody.”</p><p>Tony scrunched up his face. “Who?”</p><p>“She’s a nice lady. Joined the firm a few months ago. The one I told you about?”</p><p>“Oh that’s right,” Tony remembered. “When did you make the jump from meeting her to seeing her? That’s a pretty tough distinction to make,” Tony teased. “Were you not able to see her when you met her, or how does that work?”</p><p>“Stop,” Rhodey complained, although he was smiling. “It started as little things, bringing each other coffee at the office, some carpooling here and there, and then it turned into dinners. We went out twice last week.”</p><p>“Wow, good for you, buddy,” Tony said. “I’m happy for you.”</p><p>“Thanks, Tony. I think it might go somewhere…but you know, if it doesn’t work out, I just might take you up on your offer.”</p><p>“Let’s hope for both our sakes it works out then,” Tony said with a smile.</p><p>“What about you?” Rhodey added. “You got anybody? Any prospects, even?”</p><p>Tony hesitated. “Nope. Single as a Pringle.”</p><p>“Oh, well that’s all right. How’s the business? Still raking in the coin?”</p><p>“You know it,” Tony said. “Business is good. The Stark Compound is booked for the next couple years which is a relief because everyone told me that the risk was high, but lucky for me, the reward was higher.”</p><p>Tony noticed the polite look people usually gave him when he started talking about his company forming on Rhodey’s face. It didn’t offend him or surprise him, but it was frustrating because what else was he supposed to talk about? His entire life was the company.</p><p>“Actually, here’s something you’ll get a kick out of,” Tony changed the subject. “I started training someone. Almost two months ago, now. Wow time flies.”</p><p>“Training? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose—”</p><p>“Of being the boss? Yeah I know,” Tony agreed. “Pepper put me through the mill already.”</p><p>“Okay, so what’s up with that? Did you get bored of the corporate scene?” Rhodey already looked a lot more interested.</p><p>“Partly. It’s this kid, well, teenager, actually. Peter.”</p><p>Rhodey furrowed his brows, waiting for more of an explanation.</p><p>“He struggles with his weight,” Tony explained. “Really low self-confidence, bingeing, the whole nine yards. I happened to be at one of the gyms when he came in, and I decided to help him out.”</p><p>“Wow,” Rhodey commented. “So, what then? You’re still training him?”</p><p>“His lessons ended a week ago,” Tony revealed, “but we get along. He’s a great kid, so we’re gonna keep training together, but not with any sort of formality. Like a friend thing.”</p><p>Rhodey nodded. “That’s great, Tony. How’s he doing?”</p><p>“He’s better. Smiling a lot more, happier about school, more talkative about his life. He’s so smart, my gosh, you’d like him a lot. He’s always giving me shit.”</p><p>“You make a good case,” Rhodey commented.</p><p>“Reminds me a lot of myself, with the self-deprecating jokes to cover up how you really feel, and all.”</p><p>“Tony Stark, hiding emotions? Who would have ever thought that?” Rhodey teased.</p><p>Tony huffed. “Yeah. Anyway. He’s 17, so I don’t know what it says about me that he’s kind of my new best friend. Besides you of course, honeybear.”</p><p>Rhodey laughed.</p><p>“Nothing to say?” Tony pressed</p><p>“You’re helping him out, seems like,” Rhodey commented. “Judging by how you are, it seems like he’s helping you out too.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You seem lighter than the last time I saw you,” Rhodey explained. “You’re more talkative too. It’s nice to hear about something other than your portfolio. No offense.”</p><p>Tony nodded. Rhodey was the one who’d asked if he was raking in coin. What was he supposed to say? <em>That’s classified</em>?</p><p>“Anyway,” Tony continued. “He’s about to graduate from a great school, and he’s got early acceptance to NYU with scholarships, but he’s thinking of not going. He’s in the band, he’s into robotics, and he’s got Academic Decathlon coming up…he’s got all these things going for him, and I don’t know. I hate to see him get held back just because he can’t get out of his own head.”</p><p>“He really does sound like you,” Rhodey agreed.</p><p>Tony shrugged and sipped his soda. He got the feeling Rhodey was thinking something he wasn’t saying. “What?”</p><p>Rhodey shifted in his chair. “He sounds like more than a friend.”</p><p>“How do you figure?”</p><p>“Like I said, you’re acting different. Happier. Your face lights up when you talk about him.”</p><p>“So, I’m proud of him. Doesn’t mean anything else.”</p><p>“Maybe not yet.”</p><p>“He’s only 17, Rhodey,” Tony scoffed. “Come on.”</p><p>Rhodey winced. “Yeah, that is a problem.”</p><p>“What if he wasn’t, though?” Rhodey wondered.</p><p>“But he is.”</p><p>“Hypothetically.” Rhodey sipped his beer. “If he wasn’t on the young side, do you like him? That’s all I’m asking.”</p><p>Tony frowned. “I—He doesn’t need me creeping on him trying to finagle my way into his life more than I already have. He’ll go off to college, have a bit of fun—hopefully not as much fun as I had, but, you know—and then meet someone his own age.”</p><p>“All right,” Rhodey said. “You know, if you wanted to play a bigger role in his life, I bet you could.”</p><p>Tony thought about it. Thought about asking Peter on a date, getting to be a part of his life more than just on Fridays for an hour, visiting him at college, seeing him bop around his presently empty penthouse, and then eventually moving him in. Tony liked the idea a lot, maybe a little too much. It wasn’t right for him to be planning out Peter’s future like that, though. Especially not now when Peter still had so much progress to make with his journey. Tony didn’t want to intertwine their lives together to the degree that Peter completely depended on him and couldn’t succeed on his own.</p><p>He also really didn’t know how Peter felt about him. If everything he was considering was even an option, or just a fabrication from his overactive imagination. Peter had a crush on him; he knew that much, but crushes were easily abandoned. Peter didn’t know the behind-the-scenes self-doubt, and about the issues from his own past. He didn’t think Peter liked him anything beyond the superficial level of thinking he was good looking.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Tony admitted.</p><p>“How could he not be interested in you? You’re the best.”</p><p>“How come you’re encouraging this?” Tony eyed his friend.</p><p>“We’re just having a conversation. Maybe it’d help you to talk it out.”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “You know, sometimes the way he looks at me, I think he has a crush, and other times I can’t get a read.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“It’s nothing,” Tony insisted. “Never mind. Honestly, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s probably inappropriate to even indulge this topic anymore.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll drop it.” Rhodey shrugged as if it was nothing.</p><p>Tony sighed. He sort of did want to talk about it more, even hypothetically, but he didn’t think there was any point. Pepper had accused him of dating the kid weeks ago, and now Rhodey had brought it up, too. His staff at the gym was always eyeing him suggestively when he was with Peter. Everyone else seemed to think he liked Peter romantically, and he'd been teased by Natasha and Bucky about Peter liking him. Not everyone could be wrong, could they?</p><p>“Even if I wanted to…I’m not allowed.”</p><p>“The age of consent in New York is 17, Tony.”</p><p>“Do you know that because you’re a lawyer or a pervert?”</p><p>“Very funny,” Rhodey said.</p><p>Tony didn’t know what to say to that. It had crossed his mind that he liked Peter a lot more than a friend, maybe once or twice, but the actual idea of it being a real thing, said out loud in the presence of someone else…He thought he might spontaneously combust.</p><p>“You don’t think I’m evil for even entertaining the thought?” Tony pressed. “There’s a difference between legal and moral.”</p><p>“True,” Rhodey agreed. “Do you feel immoral?”</p><p>“Not really. Maybe. A little bit. I don’t know.”</p><p>“Okay, well besides the age thing, what else is holding you back?”</p><p>“I don’t want to weigh him down…hold him back, whatever. He’s young, and I’m…not which besides the obvious problem, means that I’m ready to settle down. He’s just getting started. I’ve had twenty years to sort things out.”</p><p>Rhodey nodded and waited for him to continue.</p><p>“I can’t take that part of his life away from him, and that’s if he was even willing to give it.”</p><p>“You don’t think he’d have you?”</p><p>Tony laughed. “I don’t know what’s scarier to me. The idea that he would, or he wouldn’t.”</p><p>Rhodey took another drink. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. I’ve never been in this position before.”</p><p>“Typical,” Tony huffed. “I finally find someone I can see myself with, and he’s totally off-limits.”</p><p>Rhodey winced.</p><p>“I tried to set him up with Shuri,” Tony said out of nowhere. “Just to see what he’d say.”</p><p>“You what?”</p><p>“I was telling him about my work, and I mentioned Shuri. He seemed interested in that, so I said I could set him up to see what he'd say. The idea of him saying yes bothered me, and I was hoping he'd say no. I don’t think I’ve even admitted that to myself, yet.”</p><p>“Tony.” Rhodey shook his head. “You basically just told him that you have zero interest. You might know it was a test, but he didn’t.”</p><p>“Oh,” Tony said dumbly. “Shit. Guess I didn’t think that through, huh?”</p><p>“Well how did he react?”</p><p>“Got kind of pissed actually. I figured it had to do with him not thinking he belonged in the dating pool.”</p><p>“Jesus, Tony. I feel sorry for the kid, and I haven’t even met him. He was pissed because he likes you and thinks you want to see him with someone else.”</p><p>Tony cringed. “See, this is what I’m talking about. The kid’s smarter than me. Deserves way better. I can’t even not-flirt right, or flirt, whatever. I don’t know what I’m doing.”</p><p>Rhodey laughed. “I think you need to decide what you wanna do. If you’re gonna be friends with him, you gotta cool it with the flirting. Don’t lead him on. If you wanna be more? Then you need to be up front and honest with him because it sounds like he doesn’t like bullshit.”</p><p>Tony thought that sounded reasonable. He rested his chin in his hands and thought about another obstacle that dating Peter presented. “He’s got low self-confidence, you know? What if it didn’t work out, and it broke him?”</p><p>“What if you’re not giving him enough credit?” Rhodey countered. “Trying to keep things from him to protect him, but instead you’re not letting him have experiences. Taking away his choice. Let it be his decision if he wants to take a shot with you.”</p><p>Tony had made that mistake before by not telling him the true nature of his job. He’d had good intentions, and Bucky and Natasha backed him up, and Peter had forgiven him, but he should’ve just been honest with Peter. Not trusting Peter to be strong enough and trying to do all the thinking for him wasn’t a kind thing. It wasn’t necessarily a wrong thing, either, but he regretted lying. Peter was supposed to be able to trust him, and he’d fucked up. First with that, then the stupid head games with setting him up with Shuri. Tony had the sinking feeling that maybe he wasn’t as good for Peter as he thought he was. He was trying to help Peter, but maybe he was missing the mark. He hated his constant self-doubt.</p><p>Tony frowned. “I still don’t understand why you’re not vehemently trying to get me to cut ties with him…Even before I knew I had a thing for him, Pepper was down my throat.”</p><p>Rhodey shrugged. “I know things aren’t that black and white, and I also know that you’re a good guy. If he’s as smart as you say and doesn’t put up with your shit? Then I’d say you might just balance each other out.”</p><p>Tony grumbled.</p><p>“Good thing this was all hypothetical, then.” Tony raised his glass up. “Because I’d have a hard time convincing a jury of that, and especially his aunt.”</p><p>“Aunt?” Rhodey asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony said. “His parents died.”</p><p>“Jesus, poor kid. No wonder he’s having a tough time.”</p><p>“I know, and I don’t want to make it worse.” Tony sighed. “He’s got enough to worry about, like I said.”</p><p>Rhodey nodded sympathetically. “Well, at least you can be there for him as a friend. It’s better than nothing.”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Tony and Rhodey didn’t bring up the subject again. After the night at the bar and the very revealing discussion they’d had, they focused their attention elsewhere like marathoning Jeopardy on Netflix—of course they made a bet out of that too—and exploring the locale. Rhodey took Tony to try some of his favourite restaurants and shops and brought him by his firm casually to show him the new office he'd earned after a promotion, and his new love interest, of course.</p><p>“She’s cute,” Tony teased after they left the building.</p><p>“Yeah,” Rhodey agreed.</p><p>“You’re cuter,” Tony joked again, nudging his best friend.</p><p>Rhodey rolled his eyes for probably the hundredth time since Tony had shown up.</p><p>Tony was glad that Rhodey had a nice little life for himself, but his thoughts kept returning to what they’d discussed on his first night there. Peter.</p><p>Tony couldn’t properly express how relieved he was to get things off his chest. He had never expected Rhodey to burn him at the stake for his feelings, but he also didn’t expect the man to be so supportive either. Now, Tony needed to think about it for himself. It was such a tricky situation to navigate; he could just picture getting together with Peter only to be shot in the head by his angry aunt, or telling Peter he wanted to give a relationship a go, only to be called a disgusting pervert. His mind dragged him through all the scenarios.</p><p>He came to the conclusion that he wanted Peter. Not just hypothetically. Somewhere along the way of meeting Peter, being his trainer, and then becoming his friend, something more had developed. His talk with Rhodey hadn't planted the seed in his head, since if he was being honest, the seed had been planted the minute he'd walked in on Peter and Bucky in the office, but he considered the seed officially sprouted. Tony knew he cared for Peter and wanted the best for him, but now he knew more than that; he wanted to be with him. He loved him. Even though it had been less than two months since they'd met, Tony couldn't deny it; nobody had ever made him feel the way Peter had, and he hoped one day he could hear Peter say the same about him.</p><p>But he wasn’t going to act on it; the only way he’d withdraw from the boy’s life was if Peter requested it, and the only way he’d tell the truth about how he really felt was if Peter made the first move. He figured that was a fair compromise; it sat right in the middle of the spectrum of good and evil, maybe leaning a little toward evil. At least that's how everyone else would see it. Tony figured that if Peter was brave enough to make the first move which was terrifying enough for people with a decent amount of self-confidence, it would be a great indicator that the boy was far enough along in his journey for a relationship. And, if Peter could do that, then Tony would be confident that Peter cared about him a great deal since he wouldn't put himself through that for just a crush.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>For the rest of Tony’s days with Rhodey, the man showed him a killer time. To Tony’s surprise, Rhodey insisted on paying for absolutely everything since Tony had been the one to take the trip up and because his birthday was at the end of the month, and they wouldn’t have a chance to celebrate it then.</p><p>Unfortunately for Tony and his plans, by the time he left D.C., traffic was impossible. He’d even left a couple hours earlier to give him ample time to get back into the city and leave his bags at home before heading to Queens, but he hadn’t anticipated the highway being reduced to a single lane because of construction.</p><p>It was only his second workout with Peter as friends, and he was already going to fuck that up. He would have no choice but to text Peter and cancel, but the idea of waiting another week to see Peter was abhorrent. It just wouldn't do. Tony wondered if Peter would be available on Saturday instead, but he worked Saturdays. Tony didn't want Peter to have to exercise after spending all day on his feet. Maybe swimming, then? <em>There's a thought. </em></p><p>When Tony had wanted to check in on Peter after he was harassed at the gym, and when he’d wanted to tell the boy thank you for his gift, Tony had just ended up backspacing the messages because he hadn’t wanted to cross the boundaries Peter had set. Didn’t want to push. When they’d exchanged phone numbers in the first place, Peter said his was for if Tony ever needed to cancel or reschedule, and Tony had said his was for Peter to use in case of binge-related emergencies. Peter had never texted even to take him up on the ride rain check. To Tony, Peter seemed adamant about keeping their relationship confined to the walls of Iron Fitness. It was why Tony hadn’t visited Delmar’s again either. So, the prospect of having a valid reason to text the boy excited him. Except now he had the added concern of not wanting to come off as too flirtatious per Rhodey’s advice. Swimming probably wasn't the best way to tone it down with Peter, and he wasn't even sure if Peter would be interested in such a publicly exposing activity. <em>Maybe after hours, then? </em>Tony rolled his eyes at himself. He was not good at holding back when it came to Peter Parker, apparently.</p><p>Luckily the bumper-to-bumper traffic gave him lots of time to craft the perfect text even while behind the wheel. He already felt like a bad person, so why not break the law, too?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Natation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter and Tony swim on a Saturday night.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay, let’s go over this one more time. I want to make sure I have the theory right for my part of the essay,” Peter said. He glanced up from his notebook to look at MJ. They were the only students in the library who were actually working on an assignment. Study hall wasn't a joke to them.</p><p>“Just because a film passes the Bechdel test doesn’t mean it’s automatically not sexist,” MJ explained, pointing her pencil at Peter. “So jot that down.”</p><p>“Okay.” Peter nodded. “And—"</p><p>“Tony is your trainer, right?” MJ interrupted.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter nodded. “Why?”</p><p>“He just texted you.”</p><p>Peter turned to look at his phone screen, expecting it to be a joke; he hadn’t noticed it or his watch light up with any notifications.</p><p>
  <em>Holy shit. Play it cool.</em>
</p><p>“He’s probably cancelling our session tonight.” Peter realized with a sinking feeling. He ignored the text for a few minutes so MJ wouldn’t tease him for being overeager. She still smirked when he finally grabbed the phone to look.</p><p>This was the first text Tony had sent him since they had exchanged numbers. Peter had honestly doubted that Tony had ever bothered to enter his number into his contacts list. And, true, he had never texted Tony either, but that was different.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I can’t make it tonight. Something<br/>came up, but if you’re not busy tomorrow<br/>we can reschedule for then.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ok, that’s no problem. The usual time?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Actually I wanted to try something new.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you have swim trunks?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Peter was going to have to fake his own death if Tony wanted to swim with him. There was no way that could possibly happen.<em> I still weigh so much. </em>Did he really want to pass up quality time with Tony, though? Peter typed out a few different responses and backspaced them all. He decided to keep it simple.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yep.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Good. If we go to the gym after hours,<br/>we’ll have the pool to ourselves. You won’t<br/>have to worry about a crowd.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter deliberated, staring at his phone wide-eyed while he manically read and reread the texts.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>“What did he text you? You look like you’re about to have a stroke. Is it a dick pic?”</p><p>“<em>No!</em>”</p><p>MJ grinned.</p><p>“He asked me if I wanted to go swimming tomorrow instead of what we usually do,” Peter explained. “What should I say?”</p><p>“What you usually do?” MJ waggled her eyebrows.</p><p>“MJ this is serious. You don’t understand.” Peter panicked.</p><p>“Do you like swimming?”</p><p>“I think so.” Peter shrugged. “It’s been a really long time since I’ve done it.”</p><p>“Do you like spending time with Tony?”</p><p>MJ added, “Yes,” before Peter could answer.</p><p>“But I don’t want him to see me shirtless.” Peter frowned.</p><p>“Wear a shirt.” MJ shrugged. “Girls wear shirts over their bathing suits all the time. We pretty much have to if we don’t want creeps staring.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “I guess I can do that.”</p><p>MJ rolled her eyes. “I think you should go. He knows what you look like, so if he was grossed out, or didn’t want to look at you, or whatever, I doubt he’d bother asking you.”</p><p>“Fair,” Peter agreed. “But, that’s easy for you to say. You’re thin.”</p><p>“Do you know how many times I’ve been told to ‘eat a cheeseburger’, or ‘guys like a little extra meat on a girl’?” MJ asked. “People are assholes.”</p><p>Peter sighed. He did want to go, and according to Tony, the most important part of his weight loss journey was to stop being mean to himself, or start liking himself. Both notions seemed to be out of his grasp. Facing his fears and accepting the invitation would be a good show of the progress he’d made, but he figured an even bigger show of his progress would be not hesitating or overthinking the invite at all. Was it too much to ask that he could just do the things he wanted to do without letting self-doubt infiltrate his mind?</p><p>Peter figured that MJ was right, and if Tony didn’t want to see him in swimming trunks, he wouldn’t have suggested it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ok, sounds good.<br/> What time should I be there?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ll pick you up at 10.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is that too late?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Are you sure? I don’t mind walking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m sure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ok. See you tomorrow. :)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>:)</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> ---</em>
</p><p> </p><p>By the time the last bell rang, Peter had decided that he couldn’t be seen in his old swim trunks. Not by Tony.</p><p>He called May and asked her to pick him up directly from school if she was done work. Luck was in his favour, and she was able to take him to Wal-Mart. He felt confident that he could find something before Saturday night anyway—but if necessary, he was willing to hit up every store in a fifty-mile radius.</p><p> </p><p>“Peter, I don’t see why you don’t just wear the trunks you have at home.”</p><p>“Those are gross,” Peter replied in disgust. “I can’t remember the last time they fit me, anyway. Probably freshman year?”</p><p>May shrugged. “You’ve lost weight. Are you sure they wouldn’t fit?”</p><p>“Not enough weight, trust me,” Peter argued. True, he hadn’t exactly tried them on, but still. Even if they fit, he wasn’t wearing swim trunks with SpongeBob themed print in front of Tony.</p><p>He flipped through the first rack angrily. <em>Of course, the only things left are small or 5X. </em></p><p>“What time are you going to the gym, again?” May asked, holding a few of Peter’s selections in her arms while he browsed.</p><p>“Tony’s picking me up tomorrow at 10.”</p><p>“Why so late?”</p><p>Peter eyed her. She’d asked that after Tony had walked him home too. Always with the questions.</p><p>“Because the gym closes early on Saturdays. We can swim with no one there.”</p><p>“I don’t know if I like that, Peter. Isn’t that creepy?”</p><p>“What? No.” Peter shook his head. “It’s not like that. Tony couldn’t make it today, but he didn’t want to cancel altogether, so he suggested this.”</p><p>“Fine, but why does he want to swim with you when no one’s around?” May asked, her brows furrowed in concern.</p><p>“Because.” Peter rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to be seen. Tony’s doing me a favour. He’s not creepy. He’s understanding.”</p><p>“Does he have to pick you up, though?” May pressed.</p><p>“I offered to walk.” Peter shrugged, taking another pair of trunks off the rack and handing them to May. “But you don’t like me walking when it’s late, so I don’t really see what you want me to do.”</p><p>“I suppose,” May replied carefully. “Is he dropping you off after, too?”</p><p>“I'd imagine.”</p><p>Peter took a breath.“If it makes you uncomfortable, you can drive me. I honestly didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Plus, you know, I just figured it would be too late for you to stay up.”</p><p>May shifted her weight. “I’m not uncomfortable, exactly. No. I really like Tony from what you’ve told me. I just—remember what we talked about.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Trust me. I remember, and he’s not interested.”</p><p>“But you’re interested,” May reminded him. “And it’s not that far of a stretch to think he is too. I’m just saying.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “Don’t make me laugh. I’m like a strong one, maybe a weak two, and Tony’s an eleven. If he’s interested in me, that’s a strange fetish…I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anything like that before.” Peter didn’t remind her that he was pretty sure Tony had a thing for her.</p><p>“Oh stop it.” May shook her head. “You’re a handsome young man.”</p><p>Peter pretended to vomit on the floor.</p><p>“Peter Parker,” May chastised.</p><p>Peter shook his head. “If Tony likes me as more than an acquaintance—no—” Peter paused while he deliberated. They were friends now. He could at least be sure of that, so he had to make the wager more reasonable. “If he likes me as more than a <em>friend</em>,” he amended, “I will literally do a hundred push-ups.”</p><p>“That’s all?” May raised her eyebrows.</p><p>Peter inclined his head. “Plus two hundred sit-ups, and I will get your car washed. <em>And </em>do the laundry for a month.”</p><p>“Oh, buddy. You’re on.” May laughed. “So on.”</p><p>Peter shrugged like it was nothing.</p><p>“I’m not even going to bet anything,” May added, “because there’s no way I’m wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s stomach decided to bungee jump within his chest cavity while he waited for Tony outside of the apartment building. Of course, May decided to wait with him. It made him feel like a little kid waiting for the school bus.</p><p>Tony pulled up right on the dot. Peter watched while he turned his hazards on and got out of the car.</p><p>“Nice to see you again, May.” Tony reached for her hand.</p><p>“You, too.” May smiled.</p><p>Peter stood there grimacing. As usual, Tony went straight for May.</p><p>Peter was wearing his usual jeans and t-shirt with a plaid button-up over top since it was cool in the evening. His new swim trunks were burning a hole in his backpack; as much as he was dreading the part of the evening where he would have to change into them, he also wanted to hurry up and get it over with. The anxiety that came with wondering if Tony would hang around and wait for him, or if it would be awkward if he used the bathroom stall to change was too much to bear. Tony clearly wasn’t wearing his yet, so would they have to change together?</p><p>“Did Peter tell you the plan?” Tony addressed May.</p><p>“He did, but he wasn’t clear on when he would be back.”</p><p>Both Tony and May turned to Peter and waited for him to elaborate.</p><p>“Oh, uhh, I don’t know. It’s not a school night, or a work night, but I don’t know if Tony has an early morning tomorrow, or something. Maybe like 12? That would give us a good amount of time to swim.”</p><p>Tony looked pleased. “Is that all right, May?”</p><p>“Sure.” She didn’t look that enthusiastic, but she didn’t look angry either. Peter counted it as a win.</p><p>“Excellent.” Tony clapped his hands together.</p><p>May spoke directly at Peter, then. “You call me if you need to, okay?”</p><p>“May,” Peter complained. <em>God, so embarrassing.</em></p><p>“Have a good night.” Tony offered.</p><p>“Thank you. Have fun.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“This is a nice car,” Peter commented, putting his backpack on the mat between his feet. Actually, it was a really nice car. It had probably cost at least seventy grand, not that he really knew cars, but he knew enough.</p><p>“Thanks. You got a license? Looking into getting a car anytime soon?” Tony asked, glancing away from the road for a moment.</p><p>“I have a learner’s permit. I’m not in any rush, though. Maybe if I lived somewhere other than New York.”</p><p>“Fair enough,” Tony agreed.</p><p>Peter was quiet, opting to listen to the music Tony had playing instead of reaching for conversation. The drive to Iron Fitness wasn’t too long, but Saturday night traffic made it shorter than it would have been on a weekday evening. When Rio by Duran Duran started to play, Peter glanced at Tony to see if the man had noticed. Tony was already smiling at him.</p><p>“Did you make this playlist yourself?” Peter asked when another eighties song started playing after Rio.</p><p>“Sure did,” Tony responded. “That’s the only way to do it. Radio is nothing but commercial hour, and playlists other people make always have at least one song that should’ve never made it past the demo.”</p><p>“Totally,” Peter agreed. “So far your taste seems good, but any song that plays next could make or break the integrity of the playlist.”</p><p>“I seriously doubt it,” Tony argued. “My taste in all things is exquisite. Very refined.”</p><p>“Oh I see.” Peter grinned. “That’s why you chose black for your car when it would’ve looked better in red?”</p><p>“You think this is my only car?” Tony laughed.</p><p>Peter didn’t have anything clever to say back to that.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The carefree vibe Peter felt in the car turned back into nerves when Tony unlocked the backdoor to the gym. He was actually going to show Tony his body. Peter hadn’t worn anything in front of Tony that wasn’t jogging pants, so the shorts were already out of his comfort zone. Peter was trying not to even think about being shirtless. As much as he wanted to be brave, he didn’t think he was ready for anything so exposing. On top of it all, he didn’t want going shirtless at the pool to be something he needed to be brave to do.</p><p>“Go ahead and change,” Tony instructed. “I’m going to go make sure all the lights are on and everything’s solid. Wait here, and I’ll come get you.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed, practically sagging with relief. Tony made everything so easy; he wouldn’t have to worry about whether he would be judged on his changing procedures or not because Tony was always more than happy to tell him what to do and how, and to give him space. And just like Tony had known he wouldn’t want to be around people while they swam, Tony knew he wanted to be alone while he put his swim trunks on. He appreciated how much Tony understood him more than he could say.</p><p>Peter took to the change room while Tony went to check on the pool. Despite being alone, he still went to the bathroom stall just in case some straggler had gotten locked in the gym and decided to pop in the locker room. He tried not to look at himself while he slid on his blue and red swim shorts over his thighs—if he looked down, he would see his gut and probably spiral. Then again, he was already having a mini spiral, so why not go for broke?</p><p>Peter ended up deciding that revealing his legs was a big enough leap for him, and he put on his t-shirt.</p><p>He waited for Tony for a few minutes, wondering if the man would show up already in trunks, or if he was going to change right in front of him. Peter felt butterflies in his stomach just thinking about the possibility of getting to see more of Tony’s skin. <em>On second thought, maybe it’d be best if I didn’t see him. My self-esteem can only take so much.</em></p><p>“Pool’s good to go,” Tony announced, pulling Peter out of his mind.</p><p>Peter almost had to look away it was so painful. The last glimpse Peter had had of Tony’s chest was two weeks prior when Tony had tried on his gift. This was just cruel. Tony’s toned calves were on display, along with the hips, the abs, the pecs, the shoulders, and the arms. Peter wanted to get up and walk out.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck? How is that even possible?</em>
</p><p>Peter didn’t bother voicing his opinion on Tony’s body. He figured the man already knew how attractive he was. He just sighed and followed Tony to the pool. Tony didn’t mention anything about his shirt or comment on his cheap trunks.</p><p> It was insult to injury that Peter had to walk behind Tony too on the way to the pool. His back was toned and his ass perky.</p><p>“Jesus Christ,” Peter muttered under his breath. He didn’t care if Tony heard him or not at this point. It was ridiculous. <em>Is God mocking me? Am I being laughed at from above right now?</em></p><p> </p><p>Peter smiled when he and Tony finally got to the pool. Tony had the playlist from the car playing over the gym’s sound system so they could listen to music while they swam. Peter regretted not using the pool earlier in his gym-going career—the water looked so peaceful and inviting. He wondered if he’d get the courage to swim during operating hours, or maybe he and Tony could do this again, so he’d never have to swim in front of anyone. That would be ideal.</p><p>“I’m sure you would’ve mentioned this, so I don’t even know why I’m asking, but you can swim, can’t you?” Tony asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter answered. “Can you?”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Actually, that’s why I brought you here tonight. I need lessons.”</p><p>“How much you paying?” Peter grinned.</p><p>“Uhm, just my undivided attention for the next two hours?”</p><p>“Deal,” Peter agreed. “So, what you want to do is—” He took a running start and cannon-balled into the pool.</p><p>Peter grinned under the water, congratulating himself on his plan to get into the water as quickly as possible so that Tony couldn’t see any more of him than was necessary. By the time he surfaced, Tony had located a whistle and was blowing it furiously.</p><p>“No running!” Tony shouted through an ear-to-ear smile. “Last warning, Parker!”</p><p>“That was speed-walking at best,<em> Stark.</em>” Peter laughed from the water.</p><p>“Regardless, that cannonball was weak!”</p><p>“Get in here and say that to my face!”</p><p>“You asked for it.” Tony shrugged, mounting the diving board. He bounced three times before jumping into a front flip.</p><p>Peter pursed his lips. <em>Show-off. </em>He definitely wasn’t mad, though.</p><p>Tony swam for a distance until he could surface right next to Peter. All Peter could think about was how much of his distorted body Tony could see underneath the water. <em>Ugh.</em></p><p>“How many laps do you think you can do?” Tony asked shaking his hair out and slicking it back from his face.</p><p>“I’ll go until I get tired, I guess,” Peter replied.</p><p>“Okay, we’ll go for ten, fifteen minutes, then we can fool around.”</p><p>Peter tried to keep his face neutral so Tony wouldn’t suspect he had taken the words the wrong way. If someone like Tony wanted to fool around with someone like him, he would die of shock. He shot Tony a small smile and kicked off to begin his laps.</p><p>It had been a long time since Peter had been in the water let alone done laps, but he kept up to Tony decently well. Peter was good to keep going, but Tony blew the whistle to get his attention after barely fifteen minutes.</p><p>“That’s enough laps,” Tony explained. “Let’s do something else.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter said easily, tugging his shirt away from his body since the water was making it cling. “What do you want to do?”</p><p>Tony stared at Peter for a few moments before answering. “We can smack a beach ball around.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter said once again. Like he was going to say no to Tony.</p><p>“Okay.” Tony grinned. He swam to the edge of the pool and pulled himself up without even using the ladder. Peter watched Tony for way too long as he made his way to the nearby storage closet. His trunks were riding very low, and Peter was very interested. Peter let himself sink below the water, so he had no choice but to look away. He held his breath for a few seconds before resurfacing.</p><p>Tony returned and tossed the ball at Peter before jumping back in the pool.</p><p>“So,” Peter said after he smacked the beach ball in Tony’s direction. “What came up yesterday?” He didn’t want to be nosy, but he felt like that was a reasonable question to ask.</p><p>“I was out of town,” Tony answered. “I went to see my best friend, Rhodey, in D.C..”</p><p>“Nice.” Peter was happy to learn more about Tony, even if it was just a small detail. Tony knew almost everything in his life, but most aspects of Tony’s life remained a mystery. All Peter knew was that Tony owned gyms, and that his parents were also gone. Peter thought back to the agreement he and May had made in Wal-Mart and figured he had a good chance of winning. If Tony really liked him, he would have shared more about himself, and Peter would know him better.</p><p>“Did you guys go to school together or something?”</p><p>“Yeah, been friends for more than twenty years,” Tony confirmed. “He’s a big shot lawyer. Super smart. Kind of sassy like you.”</p><p>Peter couldn’t help but notice that Tony had been friends with someone longer than he’d been alive. That was wild. Peter was glad that Tony had a good friend, though. He didn’t know what he’d do without Ned and MJ, so he was happy that the man had someone in his life, although it sucked that the guy lived in D.C.. Besides the people at the gym, Peter wondered who else was in the Tony’s life.</p><p>“Did you have a good time?” Peter asked. “Was he happy to see you?”</p><p>Tony smiled. “It was great. I needed it.”</p><p>“Cool,” Peter commented. He wanted to ask why Tony hadn’t told him he was going out of town, but he was too shy and didn’t want to come off the wrong way.</p><p>“How about you, Pete? You worked today, yeah?”</p><p>“Work was okay,” Peter replied. He caught Tony’s throw and held the ball while he spoke.  “Got some bad news, though.”</p><p>“Is everything all right? It’s not Murph, is it?”</p><p>“Yes and no.” Peter hinted. “Mr. Delmar isn’t going to be able to give me full time hours during the summer, so Murph won’t get to see me as much which sucks.”</p><p>“Why?” Tony frowned.</p><p>“Because his daughter is coming back from college and needs a job.”</p><p>“No kidding,” Tony commented. “That’s nepotism. I can totally report him to the state department for you. Say the word...”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Peter said. “Honestly, summers there are nuts, and not air-conditioned. And he was really cool about it; said he would try to give me as many hours as possible, and normally, I’d be like, ‘yeah, no big deal, who wants to work full-time in the summer, anyway’, but high school’s ending, and if I’m not going to college, I need a real job. You know?”</p><p>“Why don’t you work at Iron Fitness?” Tony asked.</p><p>“What? I’m not a trainer.” Peter wanted to laugh. What a ridiculous suggestion.</p><p>“It’d be perfect,” Tony continued. “We’ve been in dire need of a full-time receptionist, and I know you can handle that.”</p><p>“If you hire me, isn't that nepotism? It counts for friends, too. Not just relatives.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Who's gonna tell on me?”</p><p>“But,” Peter paused, “I’m still in school…I wouldn’t be able to start until after graduation.”</p><p>“So, then you’ll start after graduation.” Tony shrugged. “Another few weeks isn’t going to make a difference, and it’ll be worth the wait.”</p><p>“Wow, I don’t know what to say. That would be incredible.”</p><p>“We got air conditioning, too. Plus, if you change your mind about college and decide to go, you could work at an Iron Fitness in the city, or if you’re still living with May and commuting, you could work at this one but go part-time. I can guarantee you wouldn’t be fired. Carol’s super flexible with scheduling, and even if she wasn't...I got you covered.”</p><p>“I don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier,” Tony added.</p><p>Peter was in shock. Tony had just solved what was about to be a huge financial problem for him.</p><p>Peter had no idea what to say, and he managed to voice that to Tony. The man waved him off and explained that it was nothing, that he was glad to help.</p><p>“Speaking of college. How’s school?”</p><p>“Super busy,” Peter admitted. His smile dimmed.</p><p>“What’s that face for?”</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure if he should mention it, but it was Tony. “I’m just nervous for graduation.”</p><p>“Why? You’re smart. Are you worried about your GPA?”</p><p>“No, it’s not that.”</p><p>“Are you having second thoughts about deferring?” Tony inclined his head.</p><p>“Well, I haven’t filed any paperwork yet, so maybe I actually do want to go,” Peter admitted. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“I see,” Tony replied, swimming closer.</p><p>“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to lose much more weight before I walk across the stage, and”—Peter let the beach ball drift away—“I don’t want to look bad in front of everyone.”</p><p>Tony treaded water in front of Peter while he listened.</p><p>To Peter’s surprise, Tony didn’t argue with him.</p><p>“When is it?” Tony asked.</p><p>“June 28th.”</p><p>“You have a solid month and a half,” Tony calculated. “That’s good for ten pounds if you continue at the rate you have been.”</p><p>“I’m 226 now.” Peter frowned. “I don’t know if it’ll be enough.”</p><p>“You look great,” Tony complimented. “Even if you stayed like this.”</p><p>Peter went to say “gross” but stopped himself when he remembered Tony’s lecture about liking himself. “Whatever.”</p><p>“I’m serious.” Tony swam closer. “The scale might say 226, but the scale isn’t everything. You know that.”</p><p>Peter grabbed the beach ball back and threw it at Tony, but the man just let it sail past him.</p><p>He knew that Tony was right, and measurements would probably show more progress than the scale, but his goal of getting under 200 was still at the forefront of his mind. Waddling across the stage in front of all his peers and their families made him feel sick.</p><p>“You know, the audience won’t be focusing on you when they’re worried about their own brats, and the brats will be too worried about themselves to pay attention to you.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “I guess that’s true.”</p><p>“Seriously,” Tony said. “It’s like going to a wedding and worrying about your outfit when you’re not the bride. Or, hell, a funeral, when you’re not the one in the casket. On graduation day, everyone’s focus is gonna be scattered.”</p><p>Peter furrowed his brows. “Huh, I hadn’t thought of it like that.”</p><p>“Trust me,” Tony said. “I’m twice your age. I know a thing or two.”</p><p>“Everyone in my class is smaller than me, though.”</p><p>“So, if it’s not one thing it’s another. Everyone’s got things they don’t like.”</p><p>Peter didn’t respond.</p><p>“Think about it. You don’t hold back when it comes to anything, so when it comes to hating everything about yourself, you excel. Let yourself be bad at this one thing,” Tony suggested. “Stop worrying about what’s wrong with you and focus on what’s right.”</p><p>Peter pretended to think. “Okay, done. I focused.”</p><p>“Stop.”</p><p>“I’m kidding.” Peter rolled his eyes. “Mostly.”</p><p>“You don’t have anything wrong with you,” Peter pointed out. “I bet that advice is easy for you to follow.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “You got me there.”</p><p>“No, but seriously,” Tony added. “Your grad is gonna be fine, and you’re gonna look just fine.”</p><p>“If you say so.”</p><p>“Yeah, I do say so,” Tony said.</p><p> </p><p>They swam for a while longer until it was time to get out and change so Peter could be back home before May had a stroke.</p><p>Peter had expected to have a decent time since it was Tony, but he hadn’t expected swimming to be so fun. He appreciated that Tony had suggested it, and that he’d gone the extra mile to wait until the gym was closed.</p><p>“Are you gonna shower here or at home?” Tony asked. He dragged a towel down his chest before wrapping it around his hips.</p><p>Peter had his towel wrapped around his own body like a cape which probably was useless considering he was still wearing a soaking t-shirt.</p><p>“I—I don’t know. What do you wanna do?”</p><p>“It’s a saltwater pool, so it’s not like we stink like chlorine,” Tony said. “I think we’d be cool skipping the shower tonight. Besides, we gotta get you back to your aunt.”</p><p>“Ugh,” Peter complained. “Don’t remind me. It’s a Saturday night, I’m less than three months away from turning 18, and I’m not even allowed to go swimming past midnight with a friend.”</p><p>Tony blinked at him. “Come on then, Cinderella. We’re on the clock.”</p><p>Peter nodded and headed to his locker to grab his clothes.</p><p>“Hey, if you’re Cinderella what does that make me?” Tony joked.</p><p>Peter’s first thought was Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid since Tony’s dark hair and big eyes gave him those vibes, but he couldn’t just say that. “The pumpkin coach.” He was trying to be quippy and sarcastic, but he felt like he'd missed the mark.</p><p>
  <em>Oh God, Cinderella rides the pumpkin coach. Why did you say that?</em>
</p><p>“You know,” Tony began with bright eyes. “I seem to remember a nursery rhyme about someone named Peter and something about a pumpkin.”</p><p>“What?” Peter asked. Was that supposed to be a fat joke about him being a pumpkin eater? He didn't think Tony would say something like that, and judging by the man's expression, he wasn't.</p><p>Tony smirked before shaking his head and walking away.</p><p>“Oh—” Peter's face burned when he realized.  Peter hadn’t wanted to be obvious about his affection and call Tony a prince, so instead he’d gone the other route; inadvertently joking about riding him and sucking his dick. It was fitting since Tony had once told him he was the perfect setter-upper for dirty jokes, but mostly it was mortifying.</p><p>
  <em>Nice one, Peter. Really smooth. You're a complete disaster.<br/></em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter let himself enjoy the ride back home. Tony’s music was playing, the windows were rolled down, letting in a balmy breeze, and all the city lights glowed. He was tired, although he was used to staying up pretty late. At least he could sleep-in on Sunday.</p><p>“Thanks for accommodating the change of plans,” Tony spoke lowly in the quiet of the car.</p><p>“Oh yeah.” Peter yawned. “That was actually really fun. I forgot how much I liked swimming.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Tony asked. “We can always do it again.”</p><p>“Instead of Fridays?” Peter asked.</p><p>“Or on top of,” Tony offered.</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows, thinking once again of Tony’s ridiculous schedule and his own, and how nice it was of Tony to have accommodated him. Not the other day around. Plus, now he was going to be working for Tony? It was a dream, and so tempting to say yes and get another day spent with Tony added back into his weeks. He thought of how obvious he was about his crush. Apparently, he'd graduated from secretly pining to making sexual jokes. He couldn't believe Tony hadn't thrown him out of the car yet.</p><p>Peter bit his lip. “So, you really don’t mind swimming with me, or you know, working out? Even though I’m—” Peter broke off. He didn’t know how to say the words. “It doesn’t bother you that I don’t look…like you?”</p><p>Tony exhaled shakily. “Nothing about you bothers me.”</p><p>Peter looked at his lap. He almost believed it.</p><p>Tony added, “Does it bother you hanging out with an old man?”</p><p>“What?” Peter scoffed. “Of course not. Actually…sometimes I forget the age difference. You’re not really like other adults I know.”</p><p>“You’re not like other teenagers I know.”</p><p>Peter resisted making a fat joke. <em>Of course I’m not like other teenagers you know. I’m huge. </em>But his heart wasn’t really in it. He knew Tony hadn’t meant it that way, and he wasn’t going to take it that way. They'd had a great time together, and he'd been a little too free with his negative self talk throughout the evening. He wanted to rein it in and at least try to let Tony be nice to him.</p><p>“Right,” Peter agreed. “How many do you know?”</p><p>“None,” Tony admitted with a quick grin.</p><p>Peter laughed.</p><p>Then Tony pulled up to the curb in front of Peter’s apartment building, and it was time to say goodnight.</p><p>“Okay, Tony. Thanks again, yeah?”</p><p>“Anytime,” Tony said. “‘Night.”</p><p>Peter grinned and shut the car door.</p><p>Just like when Tony had walked him home before, he waited until Peter was inside before driving off. Peter stood just inside the vestibule for a few minutes before sighing and finally going up to his apartment. He was so in love with Tony it wasn’t even funny.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Carbonation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Two more Friday sessions.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, everyone. To accompany this story, I've created a couple of playlists and moodboards. The first playlist is a bunch of depressing music for Peter's Theme, and the second playlist is a bunch of upbeat 80s music and love songs for Tony's Theme. You can find them on my tumblr winterironspiderling if you search for the tag "disorder". If you're interested, I think they add a little something to the story. Or, even if you're just looking for some new music to listen to, feel free to check them out. </p><p>As always, I hope you're well, and I hope you'll enjoy these new chapters. xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter had projects due in both Spanish and Biology, Decathlon practice was bumped to twice a week because of the upcoming Nationals, and the submission date for his and Ned’s entry for the robotics competition was fast approaching. Another busy week with Tony as the light at the end of the tunnel.</p><p>Even with everything on his plate, Peter managed to get in a session at the gym alone. Working out without Tony helped to build his confidence since it proved that he could do it on his own. Being at Iron Fitness alone also gave him a sense of belonging since the staff knew who he was and spoke to him like he was a friend instead of a client.</p><p>School was putting him through the ringer, but Peter found pockets of time where he didn’t have to think about it. When he was being diligent, he used those periods of time to focus on his fitness goals, and when he wasn’t, he thought a lot about Tony.</p><p>Peter had tried to resist thinking of Tony as attractive at first, and then when he thought Tony was with Bucky, he’d let himself acknowledge his attraction. It was like thinking a celebrity was good-looking—low stakes, didn’t matter because what were the chances of meeting them let alone dating them? Once Peter allowed that to happen, and then once he realized it was a mistake to let Tony slip through his defenses, it was too late; his crush had formed. He’d attempted to stop that in its tracks and push it down inside of him because someone like him had no business liking Tony, but that hadn’t worked out either. Now, here he was, undeniably in love with the man.</p><p>Peter didn’t hate the feeling, but it felt foreign to him. He loved May and he loved his friends, and he’d loved his late family members, but this feeling was like a punch in the heart. He considered himself intelligent, but the revelation that he loved Tony had caught him completely off guard. Made him feel like an idiot for not getting a hold on it when he had the chance. The tingly feeling in his stomach had always been there—he’d written it off as anxiety—and the involuntary smile he wore every time Tony spoke was normal—Tony was a funny guy—and the warm feeling he got when Tony complimented him—everyone felt that way when they received praise. It hadn’t meant anything until it did.</p><p>Since he was more than capable of admitting to his failure, Peter decided to accept that he’d fucked up and let his feelings for Tony go too far. He might as well own it, even if it was one-sided.</p><p>It was his first session with Tony since they’d swum together, and Peter wanted to make a small gesture. Tony would obviously never love him back, but they could still be friends. Peter could handle taking a relationship with Tony in any capacity.</p><p>Peter stopped in at Delmar’s on his way to Iron Fitness for his and Tony’s session.</p><p>“Peter,” Mr. Delmar greeted. “You want your usual?”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows when he saw Mr. Delmar behind the counter.</p><p>“Oh, no thank you,” Peter said. “I’m just here for drinks.”</p><p>Mr. Delmar eyed him suspiciously</p><p>“Where are you off to?”</p><p>“The gym,” Peter explained. He walked past the counter to grab two energy drinks from the cooler, one for him and one for Tony. He didn’t make a habit of drinking them, but they were a nice treat on occasion.</p><p>Mr. Delmar nodded appreciatively. “Good for you. You’ve been doing it for a while, yeah? I can see you’ve made some progress.”</p><p>“A couple months now,” Peter admitted. “It’s no big deal.” The compliment made his heart swell although he played it cool. Mr. Delmar was pretty much the first person to say anything.</p><p>“Give yourself some credit. It’s good you’re getting healthy now, otherwise you get to be my age and wish you would’ve started earlier.”</p><p>Peter acknowledged his boss’ words with a nod.</p><p>“Hey, is this second drink for Mr. You Have My Number?” He teased.</p><p>“It’s for your daughter,” Peter joked.</p><p>Mr. Delmar grumbled in Spanish and took the wrinkly bill that Peter gave him with a frown. “Better watch it, Parker, or I’ll cut your hours.”</p><p>“You already did,” Peter joked.</p><p>“You wound me.” Mr. Delmar put a hand over his heart. “You know I would’ve done my best to keep you.”</p><p>“I know. It’s seriously okay,” Peter assured. “I have a new job lined up.”</p><p>Mr. Delmar nodded appreciatively. “Good. I am sad to see you go, but you gotta do what’s best for your future.”</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“Where’s the job?”</p><p>“Actually, Mr. You Have My Number has it covered. I start working for him on July 1<sup>st</sup>.”</p><p>The man shook his head slightly.</p><p>Peter sighed.</p><p>“Is he a good a man? Truly?”</p><p>“He’s the best.” Peter knew what the man was getting at, but he wasn’t going to give in so easily. If Mr. Delmar had something to say, he could say it explicitly.</p><p>“He didn’t buy you that watch, did he?”</p><p>Peter frowned; he figured that was old news by now. He’d told May and she’d gotten over it. MJ and Ned had eventually asked where it had come from, and they thought it was awesome. They’d been envious. Mr. Delmar had seen him with it on before and hadn’t said anything. Had he just been waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce?</p><p>“Uhh.” Peter scratched his head. “Yeah, he did. It was a gift for completing my lessons.”</p><p>Mr. Delmar eyed the watch for a second longer. “Is that all it’s for?”</p><p>“Honestly,” Peter exhaled. “I think you and my aunt are seeing things that aren’t there.” He couldn’t keep beating around the bush like this.</p><p>The older man shook his head. “I’ve been around the block a few times, kid. I just want you to be careful.”</p><p>“Why?” Peter asked. “Tony is just my personal—well, he’s my friend.”</p><p>“Maybe for now, but I know these things. Trust me.”</p><p>Peter shook his head. “Tony does not like me like that. Absolutely not. He could have anyone, so he wouldn’t pick…” Peter trailed off. “He wouldn’t pick me.” Mr. Delmar’s word choice didn’t escape Peter’s attention. He’d said, “for now”, as if Tony was just biding his time, as if there was a chance his feelings could be returned.</p><p>“I’d be warning you about anyone, Peter, but he’s gotta be 40.” Mr. Delmar explained.  “40 at least,” he added. “Even if you are just friends…you don’t see me and you hanging out after work.”</p><p>Peter frowned, thinking back to what Tony said in the car. Tony had asked if he cared that he was hanging out with an old man. It hadn’t sounded like Tony was glad he was just a kid, someone to prey on; it sounded like Tony was self-conscious of the fact that he was older, otherwise he wouldn’t have drawn attention to the matter. Peter wished everyone would just leave him and Tony alone about it.</p><p>“You’re my boss.”</p><p>“He’s gonna be your boss soon.”</p><p>Mr. Delmar looked at him and added. “I’m sorry, kid. I gotta look out for you. It’s my job.”</p><p>“I get it,” Peter sighed. “With all due respect, I just think you’re wrong. Even if what you were saying was true, and Tony somehow was…interested. I still have so much weight to lose. By the time I was even in his league, I’d be way over 18, and then it wouldn’t matter anyway.” He used Mr. Delmar’s earlier words against him.</p><p>Peter wasn’t anticipating the hurt look on Mr. Delmar’s face. Had he offended him? “I—”</p><p>“Peter. You really think that low of yourself?” The man shook his head. “If this man—if anyone—” he amended, “waited until you lost weight before you were good enough for them, they would have me to answer to.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. He glanced at the door when the bells jingled. It had nothing to do with thinking little of himself. More so, it was that he thought highly of Tony, and their disparity was just a fact.</p><p>“Thanks for looking out, Mr. Delmar. I gotta go.” Peter took the opportunity of a waiting customer to leave the store before Mr. Delmar could finish the inquisition.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter wasn’t so arrogant that he ignored May’s and Mr. Delmar’s warnings completely; he knew that they were trying to be responsible adults and look out for him, especially if he had a blind spot. He appreciated the concern, but it was unnecessary. Being overweight wasn’t the only reason he was undesirable—like Tony said, even after weightloss, self-hatred could remain. Not to mention the possibility of loose skin and stretchmarks—even if they were faded. Plus, Peter knew he was a huge dork and not the most handsome. And, although everyone seemed to think his young age was somehow attractive to Tony, he knew it was a deterrent. A handsome, worldly businessman like Tony wouldn’t want some ex-fat kid on his arm. He didn’t even know if Tony liked guys, either.</p><p>Peter knew he could lose fifty more pounds and not qualify for Tony. Maybe someone else, although he didn’t want anyone else, but still, not Tony. When all was said and done, he and Tony would remain platonic, and Peter’s only motivation for losing weight was too feel better, not to attract anyone. This was for himself, and those who would cite Tony as some predator, or misunderstand his motivation for losing weight as an intention to be datable were more insulting than helpful.  </p><p>Peter knew that he was probably being muttered about in Spanish about it all, but he knew Tony, and he knew what he was doing. The only thing he needed to be worried about where Tony was concerned was how many miles he was going to have to run to keep up with him.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter walked into the gym with a smile on his face. Despite his busy week and the nattering from Mr. Delmar, the day had still been good; his grades were as a high as ever, he was unstoppable during practice rounds with the Decathlon team, May had hammered out some edible vegan recipes, and he’d perfected the music pieces he was supposed to learn on guitar for band. Plus, MJ and Ned were doing well in their relationships, which made Peter happy. And now, he got to see Tony.</p><p>When Peter held out the can for Tony to take, he hesitated like he usually did while being handed something, but then he took it with a grin. “My favourite flavour. Thanks, Pete.”</p><p>“Yeah, special delivery from Delmar’s. I don’t know if some of that crisp carbonation you love so much got lost on the way here, but hopefully it’s still good.”</p><p>Tony cracked the can open and took a sip. “It’s perfect.”</p><p>“Cool.” Peter was glad that Tony looked so pleased, and glad that he didn’t seem put off by the gesture.</p><p>Tony clapped him on the shoulder. “What do you feel like doing today, Pete?”</p><p>“I’ve been practicing my push-ups,” Peter announced. “So, if everything goes as planned, you’re going to be doing about eighty.”</p><p>“This drink was to butter me up,” Tony accused. “Now I see your tricks.”</p><p>Peter shrugged innocently.</p><p>“Okay, I’ll bite,” Tony laughed. “After that, we’re sparring. It’s about time I knocked you on your ass.”</p><p>“I can take you,” Peter lied. Tony even calling what they did sparring was generous of him. It was more of a warmup than anything, still, he went with it.</p><p>Tony just hummed and sipped his Monster.</p><p> </p><p>Peter performed well with his push-ups, and since Tony said he’d do five for every one of Peter’s, he was looking at seventy-five.</p><p>“No more energy drinks,” Peter directed after Tony got up from doing his challenge. “They make you go beast-mode.” Apparently, Tony had been practicing his push-ups too because he hadn’t struggled as much as the last time. It was still immensely satisfying to watch.</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “You shouldn’t have said that.”</p><p>Then, because Tony was sick-minded, he had them do sit-ups before they even got to the sparring.</p><p> </p><p>Peter tried his best not to be creepy while he knelt by Tony’s feet. Instead of focusing on how nervous he was to put his hands on Tony, he chose to look at the man’s shoes instead. He’d noticed them from afar before, but looking at the futuristic runners with red soles up close was something else.</p><p>“What kind of shoes are these?” Peter asked to both distract himself from who he was currently touching and to distract Tony from who was touching him.</p><p>Tony answered clearly even though he was on his twentieth sit-up. <em>Ugh.</em></p><p>“Louboutin Red-runners.”</p><p>The brand sounded familiar, but Peter wasn’t sure if he was thinking of Louis Vuitton. Either way, the shoes were probably pricey.</p><p>“Right,” Peter said. “They’re cool.”</p><p>Tony smiled at him when he came up on another rep.</p><p>“How much did they cost?”</p><p>“1200 bucks.”</p><p>“Shit, seriously?” Peter couldn’t hide the look of shock on his face. He had been thinking two hundred bucks, maybe three hundred, tops. What the hell?</p><p>“It’s worth the height boost they give me,” Tony explained nonchalantly.</p><p>Peter frowned. “I could use a pair. I’m like the shortest guy in my grade.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “You want some?”</p><p>“What? Oh, no. That’s not what I meant. It’s okay.”</p><p>Tony sat all the way up, so Peter let go of his ankles. “You sure? It’s nothing.”</p><p>Peter bit his lip, wrestling with the temptation to say yes since the money was obviously no object, but also his obligation to say no since just because someone had the money didn’t mean they owed him anything. But, Tony did say it was nothing.</p><p><em>Nothing because you’re nothing. </em>Peter frowned at the invasive thought.</p><p>“Thanks, Tony. It’s okay. Seriously.”</p><p>Tony looked at him like he was nuts for declining the offer. Maybe he was.</p><p>“Besides,” Peter joked. “It’s my own fault for spending so much time growing horizontally instead of vertically. I shouldn’t need the shoes to give me height.”</p><p>Tony looked at him pointedly, so Peter was forced to take it back. “Just kidding.”</p><p>“Well, just say the word if you decide you want a pair.”</p><p>Peter nodded, but Tony must’ve known there was no way that was ever happening.</p><p>He definitely wanted a pair, but Tony had done enough for him. There was no way he was asking for more. He’d never hear the end of it from May or Mr. Delmar if he got another gift from Tony, either. They obviously didn’t understand that Tony was rich and could afford anything. It didn’t mean anything else.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The next Friday they trained together, Tony was the one to bring the drinks. Peter was glad he hadn’t stopped to get any, or they both would’ve had two drinks to guzzle in an hour’s time.</p><p>“Are these from Delmar’s?” Peter asked while he popped the tab on his zero sugar Ultra Black. Drinking the burgundy liquid made him feel like he was a vampire.</p><p>“Of course,” Tony said. “I wasn’t kidding about what I said about the superior quality of your fridge.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes brightened. This was like the fifth time they'd talked about it. Did this mean he and Tony had an inside joke? His mind raced at the implications.</p><p>“Did you see Mr. Delmar, there?” Peter wondered. He panicked, hoping that his boss hadn’t said anything to Tony. The last thing Peter needed was Mr. Delmar trying to butt in and tell Tony he was suspicious of him, and then for Tony to want to stop talking to him altogether. It was bad enough that he’d had to endure Mr. Delmar’s lectures. He would die of humiliation if Mr. Delmar subjected Tony to the same thing.</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony said. His expression revealed nothing.</p><p>Peter narrowed his eyes. “Did he…say anything?”</p><p>“Yeah, he asked me if I wanted a bag, and I think he might’ve said ‘here’s your change’, but he could’ve just handed over the money. I can’t remember.”</p><p>Tony smiled at Peter, probably waiting for a laugh, but Peter was a little too on edge to joke around.</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Nah,” Tony added after smirking at Peter for a second. “He knew who I was, though. Asked how you were.”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter feigned nonchalance even though Mr. Delmar had exposed him by recognizing Tony. That implied that they’d spoken about him at some point. Great.</p><p>Peter was dying to know exactly what was said.</p><p>“And?” Peter pressed.</p><p>“I told him you were good but about to get your ass beat.”</p><p>Peter blanched. “I don’t know if you should’ve said that.”</p><p>“What? Why?”</p><p>“He takes things pretty literally,” Peter explained. “He probably thinks you’re dumping me in an alley right now.”</p><p>“Maybe not right this minute,” Tony joked, “but after this? Say goodbye.”</p><p>Peter laughed, appeased for the time being. He would have to remember to thank Mr. Delmar for not going John Wick on Tony for absolutely no reason.</p><p> </p><p>That topic of conversation was out of the way, and now Peter had to find a way to bring up what he actually needed to talk to Tony about. He wouldn't be able to make their next session since he would be gone to D.C. on the following Friday for the Decathlon. Peter wasn't so much nervous to mention it because he thought Tony would think it was nerdy and embarrassing, but more that he was worried that if he skipped a session with Tony it would be difficult to get back on track. Not only for his individual progress, but also because if he missed one week, what was stopping Tony from realizing how much he enjoyed having his evenings free and nixing their hangouts altogether? Peter was scared that he would mention not being able to make it, and he would have to witness Tony's relieved smile. He was pretty sure that wouldn't happen since Tony had gone out of his way to arrange the swimming, and had even mentioned making it a regular thing on top of their workouts, but he still worried about the possibility.</p><p>Peter decided to bring it up sooner rather than later. In the middle of sparring. Tony had been teaching him basic fighting moves over the past weeks, and they never spent too much time on it since their ability levels weren't that reconcilable when it came to Wing Chun, but Peter was improving. Although he had yet to even get close to landing a hit on Tony. The whole thing made him want to take Natasha up on her offer to join in on a self-defense class, and now that his membership was upgraded, it wouldn't even be breaking the rules.</p><p>“By the way,” Peter began. “I can’t make it next week.”</p><p>“What? Why?” Tony asked. He lowered his hands.</p><p>Peter lowered his own hands in response.</p><p>“Remember the Decathlon I was telling you about a couple weeks ago?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Well it’s next week.”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“We’re going Thursday to Saturday.”</p><p>“Oh,” Tony said. “And you’re busy the other days?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter said. “School is kicking my ass worse than you.”</p><p>Tony frowned while he deliberated, and then shrugged. “Okay, so we’ll pick it up the Friday after you get back. No big deal.”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Peter said. Two weeks was the longest he’d be going without seeing Tony since they’d first met in March, but he was relieved that they had another Friday in the books. He would've been upset if Tony had just said okay and let it go without rescheduling anything.</p><p>Tony nodded. “All right then, let’s keep going. If we’re skipping next week, we can go a little longer today.”</p><p>Peter smiled and put his hands back up. “Good because you’re going to need some time to get through all the push-ups you'll be doing.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? How many's that, Parker?”</p><p>“I've been practicing more at home, and I'm up to twenty.”</p><p>“It's a difficult calculation, but I think that's, what, a hundred for me?” Tony clutched his heart in jest.</p><p>“That's right.”</p><p>“You're a monster.”</p><p>“You are what you drink, I guess.”</p><p>“Wow. Okay. I walked into that one.”</p><p>“Hey, you're the one who thought of doing five for my one. It's technically your fault,” Peter argued.</p><p>“Can you blame me? Everyone needs to show off now and again.”</p><p>“I knew it!” Peter gasped. “I told you that you were showing off!”</p><p>“So, sue me.” Tony smirked.</p><p>“You know, I just might.”</p><p>Tony looked around the room, tapped his foot, and then shrugged. “I’m waiting, but my lawyer hasn’t called yet.”</p><p>Peter narrowed his eyes. “Well, I thought it out, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to sue someone who’s gonna be signing your paycheques.”</p><p>“Smartass.”</p><p>“You love it.”</p><p>“What gave it away?”</p><p>Peter just shook his head in response. He could only wish that Tony loved anything about him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>By the way this fic isn't sponsored by any energy drink brands lmao. I saw Tony drinking one drink in Iron Man 3, and now it's a character trait that he has to live with. Just like how he made an omelette once, and now that's his signature dish...fandom rules, baby. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Competition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter's time in D.C. at the Academic Decathlon.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The trip to Washington meant getting a couple days away from actual school which was enough to make Peter enthusiastic about going, even if the competition would be tough. The team was leaving on a Thursday morning, so that they could be in D.C. long enough to get settled in at the hotel, sightsee, and practice before the actual event on Friday. Mr. Harrington had even convinced Principal Morita to approve staying an extra day, so they could go to the mall on Saturday afternoon and have a celebratory dinner paid for by the school—whether they won or not, it was important to recognize how hard the team had worked over the years, especially since they were graduating.</p><p>To Peter, the main downside to the trip was missing time with Tony and at Iron Fitness in general, but he had too much going on to even attempt squeezing in a workout session on a different day. Diet was the most important thing when it came to fat loss, so as long as he stayed in his calorie deficit, it would still be fine, but he missed the atmosphere and the energy of the gym. Going there and seeing the same people, employees and fellow members, was comforting, and exercising made him feel productive instead of apathetic and complacent in his dissatisfaction.</p><p>The other downside was missing his shift at work. Not only because he needed the money, but because he would only have a few more Saturday shifts to work before he was done at Mr. Delmar’s for good.  It would be the end of an era, ending high school and leaving his longtime job all in the same week.</p><p>The trip presented a deviation from Peter’s routine which made him uneasy. Ten hours total of time on the bus meant rest stop visits and opportunities to eat fast food. Two nights at the hotel with his friends meant unlimited snacking opportunities since it operated a 24-hour gift shop and convenience store in the lobby. And Peter didn’t know where the team dinner was going to be held. He was anticipating the temptation which, instead of making him feel prepared, only made him obsessive.</p><p>On the plus side, the hotel they were staying at had a gym, and he hoped that he could get in a bit of exercise, hopefully without drawing too much attention from his classmates. MJ and Ned wouldn’t comment, but he could imagine someone would—most likely Flash. Even if it wasn’t in a negative way, Peter had already been called out in gym class from the teacher for improving on his sit-ups and picking up his speed, and as much as he was glad to be more physically fit, he didn’t appreciate having all eyes on him while his classmates took in his figure. He hated when people butted into things that weren’t their business.</p><p>It was getting easier to resist snacking and overindulging since he was over two months into the journey. Peter weighed 223, and the further he got away from his start weight of 240 meant he had more of a reason not to screw it up because what he was doing was working. Results were the best motivation, although the weight was starting to come off more slowly.</p><p>Sometimes it was tempting to reduce his calorie intake even more to speed up the process; why settle for losing one pound or less a week when he could lose more? Starving wasn’t the answer, though. It was just another form of self-harm, and the goal was to lose weight and keep it off. If he starved for a few months just to reach a goal weight, what would he have learned except how to be hungry? It wasn’t sustainable for the long term. The slow and steady way meant he’d be able to keep the weight off for a lifetime.</p><p>Tony had instilled it in him that the slower the progress, the easier it was to maintain results because the longer you spent doing something, the stronger the habit that was formed. Things like counting calories, finding healthy alternatives, exercising, and reframing his negative thinking were becoming easier like Tony had promised, but there was no miracle or overnight change. Nearly three months of work wasn’t much in the grand scheme, and he had to keep reminding himself of that. It had taken him years to gain the weight, so it would be unrealistic to expect it to come off in a few months.</p><p>Besides the seventeen-pound fat loss, Peter noticed he was stronger and didn’t become as breathless from doing simple tasks. He had more energy and slept better in general, and because he wasn’t stuffing himself to the point of nausea, he hadn’t needed any anti-acids before bed since his pizza binge.</p><p>Another unexpected side-effect of it all was more frequent horniness. Going from masturbating only when it was necessary to doing it a couple of times a week was enjoyable, but he wasn’t used to it. Prolonged periods of watching Tony in compromising positions was partially to blame, and getting to touch Tony, and the swimming which had provided some much-needed spank bank material. He was still working on getting through the shame and disgust that he’d built up in his brain over the years—thoughts like he didn’t deserve to come because he was gross, or being unable to fantasize about any sexual act that included himself because it felt too unrealistic and impossible for someone like him—but it was getting easier</p><p>Packing clothes for the trip wasn’t as much of a nightmare as it usually was since he was smaller. The yellow blazer he had to wear while competing didn’t tug at the shoulders anymore, and it actually buttoned up all the way. His jeans didn’t ride up his thighs, and his graphic t-shirts didn’t need to be tugged away from his chest constantly to keep the logos from warping where the shirt was too tight. He was down from a 2X to a 1X, and it was nice, but there was still that negative voice that told him he was still wearing a big size.</p><p>While he tried on the clothes and modelled in front of the mirror in his room, he found himself wishing he would’ve filled the spots in his fitness binder that were for before and after photos. He’d tried to take a few after he’d lost the first couple of pounds and realized he was actually going to stick with the lessons, but they’d been hastily deleted. Even as before pictures they were too much; he didn’t even like looking at them, so putting them in the binder for Tony to see had been out of the question. He was grateful that Tony had never pressured him about it. The only picture he'd technically been pressured into was his photo for his membership ID, but that was understandable.</p><p>Because Tony wasn’t looking at his binder anymore, it was probably a good time to fill in the section. All he had was a picture that May had taken of him, Ned, and MJ while they did a puzzle during his birthday sleepover the year before, but it would have to do. Even though he hated the photo because he looked like a slob, looking at it made him see the progress he was making, and it was his only option, since he never took selfies and rarely let anyone else take pictures of him.</p><p>He decided to snap a picture of himself in his blazer before he lost the nerve. He created a new album in his photos app that contained that photo and the one from his birthday and figured it was probably easier just to leave them there instead of trying to print them and put them in the binder. That thought was what prompted him to ditch the food journal and the binder altogether in favour of a calorie counting app. It was less to pack in his bag, and he wouldn’t have to worry about being spotted writing in the notebook. Flash was generally unhinged, but during school trips it was even worse, and Peter did not want his classmate getting his hands on his journal.</p><p>The last thing Peter wanted was anyone to draw attention to his weight loss, and being seen counting calories or exercising would pretty much guarantee that anyone who hadn’t already noticed would. It wasn’t exactly that he was ashamed of needing to lose weight in the first place, although that played a role. It was more that he’d been practically invisible for his entire high school career, and he didn’t want losing weight to be the reason that people finally started giving a shit about his existence.</p><p>He’d seen it happen to classmates who had come back to school in September with new figures; previously unnoticed and unpopular people would suddenly be congratulated and complimented for their accomplishments. Nobody ever spoke about their other achievements or considered the fact that maybe people were harming themselves behind closed doors to reach their goal weights, or that the only reason they felt the need to lose weight in the first place was because of unsolicited comments. As long as someone was thin, they could be perceived as healthy. Peter hated that people only ever seemed to care about outward appearance. He hated that he was guilty of the same thing when it came to his own body, but it was an inescapable trap. Stay fat and get bullied, stay fat and have it turned into a political statement, try to lose weight and get criticized or questioned, get thin and be praised, get thin and be told that you looked better before, get too thin and get told to eat a sandwich. Society was never happy and nothing was ever good enough, so it was best to do what made you the happiest regardless of what others had to say about it.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The first hour of the bus ride was quiet; Peter and his teammates stayed in their own seats listening to music or watching shows on their devices. Peter let his mind wander while he checked his various social media accounts. Eventually, he entered his messages to revisit his thread with Tony. Peter shook his head at how terrified he’d been to receive the invitation to swim.</p><p>It had been surprisingly fun—he’d anticipated the Tony part of the evening being fun, but not so much the being half-naked part—and rewarding. Getting to know more about Tony and hearing  about Rhodey had been worth facing his fears. The conversation they’d had about graduation and the job offer were bonuses. He felt like he and Tony had connected, and he was proud of himself for going. Nothing bad had happened, and Tony had trained with him two more times after that, so he must not have been the only one who’d had a good time.</p><p>The whole thing made him feel like maybe he was a little too hard on himself. What was the point of not doing things just because he felt unattractive? Maybe some people wouldn’t like how he looked, and he didn’t like how he looked, but was that the most important thing? Swimming had felt nice, and bonding with Tony had felt nice, and if people didn’t like it, they didn’t have to look. MJ had said it herself; Tony wouldn’t have invited him if he didn’t want to see him.</p><p>His words to Mr. Delmar about people not liking him until he lost weight entered his mind too. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to think anymore. His worldview had been full of self-loathing for so long that escaping the pit of negativity made him feel like Sisyphus pushing a boulder uphill. He had most of the tools at his disposal and was using them: monitoring calorie intake, knowing proper macro divisions, balancing cardio and weight training, and reframing negative thinking and self-talk. The weight loss itself proved everything was working, but the changes in his body were appearing more quickly than his mental changes which was saying a lot because he didn’t find the difference that pronounced. After all, he was still a 1X, and none of his clothes had become so baggy that he could discard them.</p><p>He felt a little different mentally, like he still made self-deprecating jokes, but before he hadn’t been that self-aware. The insults had rolled out of his brain instinctively and hating himself was second nature. Now when he did it, he noticed it, and depending on his mood, he could hold back from it. Most of the time he still said the jokes because he felt like the negativity had become a part of his personality, and it felt weird not saying what he wanted to say. He reminded himself that it had only been two months since he’d begun his lessons with Tony, and even then, it had been less time since he’d actually had his heart in it. It seemed like an insurmountable goal to become physically fit and emotionally stable. If he lost five pounds a month, it would be another five months before he reached two hundred pounds, and then after that, another six before he achieved his ultimate goal weight, and that was barring any screw-ups, plateaus, or fluctuations. Then becoming confident and positive had no timestamp on it which made it even scarier. How could he monitor emotional progress? How long would it take to achieve good mental health?</p><p>When he thought too much about the big picture, it overwhelmed him. Tony had encouraged him by saying small steps taken often would eventually get you to your destination, but it could be so discouraging. Even while he was making progress and being diligent, it was easy to get sucked back into feeling sorry for himself and wishing he hadn’t let himself become so disgusting in the first place. Then he wouldn’t have to be subjecting himself to the pain of improving. The best he could do was concentrate on the short term and count each successful day as a win since eventually they would all form a successful year, and his progress would be tangible.</p><p>Peter knew he still had a way to go physically and mentally before he reached his goal, but with every small victory and even with the setbacks he’d endured, he felt hopeful. The results happened from consistently showing up for yourself and trying regardless of how hard it might be, and he believed that even if he faced more obstacles, he’d find a way to get through it.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The first rest stop had a McDonald’s and a Starbuck’s. Peter consulted with Ned and MJ to see which one they would hit up. Liz and Betty joined them as soon as they were off the bus, but Peter didn’t mind. MJ and Ned had a way of including their girlfriends without making him feel like a fifth wheel.</p><p>Peter was hungry since he hadn’t eaten breakfast, and it was lunchtime. He didn’t have a ton of his own money to spend, but May had given him twenty dollars. He figured that was a good metric to judge his intake by. Two rest stops on the way to D.C. and two on the way back to Queens meant he could spend five dollars each time. That meant Starbuck’s was a no-go. Just standing in line there probably cost five bucks.</p><p>MJ and Liz went to get expensive coffees and scones which was pretty on brand. Ned and Betty shared a twenty-piece chicken nugget meal, two straws in the drink which Peter had to admit was pretty cute. Peter ended up getting two cheeseburgers and a drink from the value menu with no temptation to go overboard. Things were going well for him so far. Even better than continued success with his diet was watching Mr. Harrington try to order at Starbuck’s. Abraham ended up going up to rescue both Mr. Harrington and the cashier trying to deal with him.</p><p>After they got back on the bus, they went into full practice mode, and Peter didn’t have any more time to overthink about his personal life.</p><p>Once they arrived in D.C., Peter errantly wondered if seeing Rhodey was a possibility. He figured that would have been one hell of a coincidence, but when he pictured Rhodey, he just saw Tony’s face, so even if saw the man, he’d be none the wiser.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>By the time their caravan of nerds got to the hotel for check-in, Peter was ready to relax. He could only run through practice questions so many times before his brain started to feel dull. Mr. Harrington instructed them to take an hour to unpack and get situated before meeting in the lobby to take a walk to the Monument and then to get dinner.</p><p>He got to share a room with Ned which was ideal because it meant he could fully chill out. One year, a different teacher chaperone went with them on the trip and randomly assorted who would share rooms, and he’d been stuck with a kid named Brad who wasn’t the easiest to get along with. Luckily, Brad’s grades had dipped after that, and he hadn’t made it onto the team again.</p><p>“I can’t believe MJ and Liz get to share a room,” Ned complained.</p><p>Peter laughed. “I know. Mr. Harrington…poor guy. He never knows what’s going on.”</p><p>Ned sighed. “If I was a girl, I could share with Betty.”</p><p>“I like guys, so maybe we shouldn’t be sharing…” He winked at Ned in a completely over-exaggerated and dorky way.</p><p>Ned grinned and shook his head.</p><p>“I don’t think it matters anyway,” Peter added. “Even if you’re not sharing with someone you like…there would be ways. I mean, you and Betty could probably go do it if whoever she’s rooming with left for a while, and I wouldn’t tell on you.”</p><p>Ned lifted his head. “Yeah, I guess even if Liz and MJ weren’t sharing, they’d sneak around.”</p><p>“Or maybe they won’t do anything,” Peter hypothesized. “They take the competition seriously, so they’re probably still studying.”</p><p>Ned laughed. “You know, Betty and I haven’t done anything yet. Except like kisses on the cheek.”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said. “That’s cool…I mean, if that’s what you want.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Ned admitted. “I’m kind of nervous about the whole sex thing.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “Yeah. Sounds like a nightmare.”</p><p>Ned sighed. “I just don’t want to mess it up, and she hasn’t even said anything about it which is totally cool, but I don’t know if she even wants to.”</p><p>“Well, you guys have been dating for like, what, a month?” Peter asked.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Do you think it’s gonna last through summer and then to college?”</p><p>Ned shrugged. “I have no idea. She’s going to NYU too, so I don’t see why not. Plus, we have a lot of the same life goals.”</p><p>“Right,” Peter huffed. “Like what?”</p><p>“Well, we both want kids, and we want to stay in New York. I want to get into cybersecurity and work at like all the major companies as a freelancer and get paid mega bucks, and she wants to be a neurosurgeon.”</p><p>“Jesus, Ned. You talked about all that, but not having sex?”</p><p>Ned blushed. “I don’t know. Talking about kids is technically talking about it.”</p><p>“I think you should just be honest,” Peter said. “Or at least upgrade to, I don’t know, making out or something. That would be a good start.”</p><p>“You’re right,” Ned agreed. “I should. I don’t know what I’m so scared of.”</p><p>“That’s the spirit, buddy. It’ll be great.”</p><p>“Thanks, Peter.”</p><p>“What? I didn’t do anything.”</p><p>“For being understanding,” Ned supplied. “You’re a good friend.”</p><p>“I am?”</p><p>“Are you kidding? You’re the best.”</p><p>Peter ducked his head. “Yeah, well…you’re a good friend, too.”</p><p>Ned beamed at him. “Thank you.”</p><p>Peter loved Ned’s sunshiney personality. He felt lucky that someone so cool wanted to be his best friend, and same with MJ who basically hated everyone. They were smart people and wouldn’t be friends with him for no reason, and there was no way they would be sucked into liking him if he was that bad. He wondered if he could apply the same logic to his and Tony’s friendship. Tony was the most successful person he knew and still wanted to interact with him.</p><p>Peter pondered his likeability while he rooted through his bag to get out his stuff to start setting up his side of the room. He decided it was time for an outfit change, so he pulled off his t-shirt and switched it for one that he hadn’t been marinating in during the bus ride.</p><p>Peter was comfortable to change in front of Ned, but he still tried to do it quickly.</p><p>“Wow, dude,” Ned said. “How much weight have you lost?”</p><p>Peter poked his head through the neck hole of his t-shirt. “What?”</p><p>“I noticed that your clothes were kind of looser, but I haven’t seen this.” Ned gestured to Peter’s torso.</p><p>“Oh…thanks,” Peter said. “It’s barely twenty pounds… I still have like fifty to go.”</p><p>Ned shook his head. “I’m proud of you.”</p><p>It was Peter’s turn to blush. “Tony’s really good at this kind of thing. It’s nothing.”</p><p>“No,” Ned disagreed. “You did this. He can tell you what to do, but you’re the one doing it.”</p><p>“I guess.”</p><p>They were interrupted by a knock at the door.</p><p>Peter walked over to the door and looked through the peephole to see who it was.</p><p>“Housekeeping,” Flash said. “Let me in.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes and opened the door.</p><p>“What’s up losers?” Flash asked.</p><p>Peter didn’t respond.</p><p>“We’re hanging out in my room later.”</p><p>“Okay?” Peter replied. “‘We’ as in you and the rest of the group? Have fun.”</p><p>Flash frowned. “You guys can come, too. As long as you’re not lame.”</p><p>“By that criteria, you won’t be allowed to go either.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Never mind,” Peter sighed. “Ned, do you want to go to Flash’s room later?”</p><p>“Betty said yes, so yes.” Ned held up his phone to show off his collection of messages.</p><p>“Okay, we’ll stop by,” Peter said.</p><p>“Whatever.” Flash shrugged. “Doesn’t make a difference to me.”</p><p>Peter closed the door. Flash was so irritating. Why come by to personally invite them over to his room if he didn’t want them there?</p><p>He checked his watch. It had been an hour, so they were due in the lobby to meet everyone. He was pleased to be getting in some walking. It had been a few weeks since Tony had given him the watch, but he still thought of him every time he looked at it. Then again, maybe he just thought of Tony no matter what he was looking at.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter regretted saying yes to Flash even before they got there, but the feeling intensified when he was actually faced with the gathering. He liked everyone on the team individually—main competitors and alternates, both—but when they were all together in an enclosed space and not practicing, he felt intimidated.</p><p>Those who were already there were sitting around on various surfaces. The desk and the desk chair, both beds, the floor, and the benches that were meant for luggage. Peter wouldn’t have known where to sit if Betty hadn’t gestured to him and Ned from her spot on the floor. He and Ned settled in next to her.</p><p>Flash had music playing from his phone, and it wasn’t anything Peter cared for. He already wanted to leave since nothing fun was even happening. He didn’t really understand the purpose of these impromptu social gatherings. It was awkward.</p><p>MJ and Liz showed up conspicuously late, but Peter at least had another friend in the room, so he didn’t feel so outnumbered.</p><p>Peter was already uncomfortable, but then Flash had pizza delivered to the room even though they’d all gone out for dinner beforehand. Peter’s eyes kept landing on the box no matter how many times he tried to find something else to focus on. He wasn’t even hungry, but it was there.</p><p>Wasn’t that feeling supposed to go away as he changed his habits and made more progress? Why was he so fixated on a stupid pizza box? It was like just knowing it was there made him itchy.</p><p>It didn’t help that all his thin classmates were scarfing it down without caution. Flash emptied out his mini bar of sodas and water, too, bragging that he would just have housekeeping fill it up again since he could afford it.</p><p>Peter was thirsty, but looking around at everyone else eating and drinking made him feel like maybe he shouldn’t have anything. He wasn’t like them, couldn’t just do whatever he wanted; he’d have to record it in his app and make sure it all fit.</p><p>
  <em>I’m not even hungry, though. I don’t want any of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don’t you, though?</em>
</p><p>Peter glanced at MJ and Liz, the thinnest people in the room. They both had a slice in their hands. Cindy, Sally, and Charles were all eating too.</p><p>Peter’s gaze moved around the room and landed on Flash who was staring at him.</p><p>“Parker, aren’t you hungry? There’s more pizza left.”</p><p>“No, thanks,” Peter managed.</p><p>“You sure?” Flash furrowed his brows.</p><p>Peter could hear the unsaid “that’s unlike you”.</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>Flash shrugged. “Good. More for me.”</p><p>Peter was relieved when Flash dropped it. Nobody said anything, but Peter could tell what they were thinking. They were all probably surprised that he hadn’t taken a box to himself and gobbled it up.</p><p>Peter grabbed the phone out of his pocket without really thinking about it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hey, Tony. Sorry to bother you, but I<br/>was hoping I could take you up on<br/>that offer to text if I needed help?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s Peter by the way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Peter Parker.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Caller ID has that covered…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What’s the situation, Pete?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Now that he was actually doing it, texting Tony, Peter regretted reaching out. It was so pathetic. He’d been doing this for almost three months and still didn’t have a grip on things? Tony didn’t need him bugging him for no reason. Because he couldn’t handle watching people eat pizza?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I don’t know how to explain it.<br/>I needed a distraction, but now I feel<br/>kind of stupid. I really shouldn’t have<br/>bothered you. I’m sorry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wouldn’t have told you to text me if it<br/>was going to bother me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you don’t want to say what’s going on<br/>that’s fine. I can still distract you.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I’m with everyone on the team, and they’re all<br/>eating pizza, and they’re talking and laughing,<br/>and they don’t look like they even care about<br/> the consequences. I don’t get why I have to be<br/>like this. I’m not even hungry, but I want to<br/>eat anyway, and I thought this feeling would<br/>go away, but it hasn’t.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What’s wrong with me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing’s wrong with you, kid.<br/>Can you get yourself out of the situation?<br/>Leave the room?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, I can go. The problem is feeling like<br/> I shouldn’t have to do that. It’s so pathetic.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Peter looked up from his phone and glanced at Ned and Betty, then Liz and MJ. His friends were both in their first relationships and looked so happy, and here he was, texting Tony for advice on how to stop being a fat pig.</p><p>He called himself the names, and he reread his message to Tony. He wasn’t supposed to be talking about himself like that. He felt even guiltier. The guys at the gym had called him pathetic. Were they right, after all?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It’s not pathetic and neither are you.<br/>I know it sucks, but part of the process is<br/>facing situations like this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It gets easier over time, but temptation will<br/>always be there. How bad is it on a scale of 1-10?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Honestly, like a 2. I don’t feel like I’m<br/>going to fail. The main problem is that<br/> I feel embarrassed about wanting the<br/> pizza in the first place. We all just had<br/> dinner, and I already had McDonald’s<br/> earlier. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>What more do I want?<br/>Isn’t anything enough for me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry... Guilt and embarrassment<br/>are emotions that should be reserved for<br/>special situations. Having a craving is<br/>not one of them…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whether it’s guilt for wanting the pizza or<br/>actually eating the pizza, all it’ll really do<br/>is make you feel low and put you in a frame<br/>of mind where that 2 becomes a 10. Your mind<br/>is playing tricks on you, Pete. Don’t let it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No need to be embarrassed, either.<br/>You can always come to me with anything.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>As always, Tony knew just what to say. He was grateful that Tony was a thoughtful texter, too. Anyone else he had in his contacts would’ve just said “oof” or “F” or “take the L”. Tony was taking him seriously and taking the time to send a helpful response. Peter had a few words of his response written, but he was interrupted before he could send it.</p><p>“Who ya texting, Penis?” Flash asked. “Your only friends are right here.”</p><p>“I’m not texting,” Peter lied.</p><p>“Then why were your fingers moving so much?” Flash challenged.</p><p>“Mind your business,” MJ retorted.</p><p>Flash rolled his eyes.</p><p>“I was writing practice questions in my notes,” Peter said.</p><p>“Wow, you already broke the rule about being lame. Only took ten minutes.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. “Guess I can finally go then.”</p><p>Ned and a few others laughed. Flash just grumbled and turned his attention back to the shitty music he was playing.</p><p>Peter had just praised Tony for sending a long answer, but didn’t know how to go about showing his gratitude. A simple thank you probably would have sufficed, but Peter didn’t want to cut the conversation so short.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What situation should I reserve the guilt<br/>and embarrassment for if not for this?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Good question.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Guilt would be a good thing to feel for<br/>a murder or two. Embarrassment is<br/>trickier… I guess I’d be embarrassed<br/>if I was caught for said murder(s). </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’re right. Getting caught is a rookie move.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ll keep that in mind next time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please do, or I’d have to be embarrassed<br/>for you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>:P</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seriously, though. Thanks for your help, Tony. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I appreciate it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anytime.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Good luck with everything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Text if you need anything else.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>By the time he’d finished texting with Tony, everyone was done eating the pizza. It was over. He tuned back into the conversation and found that everyone was discussing their opinions on the finale of Game of Thrones. After the mini crisis was averted, he had the strange feeling that it had never happened. Like he couldn’t remember why it had been so upsetting. It was just pizza, after all. He wished that feeling was memorable in the heat of the moment. One day, he could be determined and steadfast with his goals, and then another day he felt like his resolve might crumble if he even looked at a cupcake. Every time he stood up to the hateful part of his brain that wanted him to fail—whether it was failure the form of overeating or general guilt for no reason—it got easier.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter performed well in the individual portion of the Decathlon, answering most of the questions accurately and earning enough points for the combined team score that they had a real shot of winning overall.</p><p>When they did, Flash insisted on holding the trophy even though he hadn’t even competed since he was an alternate. Peter didn’t object since he’d earned his own medals for his solo performance. That was enough to satisfy him. Mr. Harrington was over the moon, which he normally was, but more so since he could return to the school with a win under his belt.</p><p>There were college scouts at the competition as usual, and Peter was approached by a couple of them not for the first time, but now that he was a senior,  the reality of being confronted by professionals who were interested in his performance enough to speak to him was flooring. He’d been on the fence about attending college since he’d applied, and he’d only been going through the motions because that was what high school kids were expected to do: suffer for four years,  graduate, go to post-secondary school, end of story. It was expected from him even more because of his grades. How could he not want to go to college? It was hard to explain that even going out in public was distressing because he was so ashamed of his appearance. Not only that, but he didn’t see anything wrong with working right out of high school. He’d never minded the simple life.</p><p>Like Tony had told him during their walk, mental health was a valid reason to put off college. Not because he was grotesque to look at, but because that’s how he felt inside. College was supposed to be fun, the time for adventure and new experiences, but that didn’t seem conducive to his personality. High school was barely tolerable as it was. He had hopes that college would be better, and he didn’t want to miss out on bonding with Ned and MJ as freshmen, and maybe even meeting some new people, but the whole thing worried him.</p><p>He’d been able to pull through with his grades for four years despite his internal misery, but would he be able to do it again at NYU? Would the stress make him gain more weight? Now that he’d learned about health and fitness, and earned a few grains of self-confidence he was leaning away from deferring and toward going. He knew it would make May proud and his friends happy, but like Tony had suggested, it was his choice. What would make him feel the best?</p><p>When he told the scouts he’d already been accepted at NYU with a couple scholarships, but was thinking of turning it down, they looked at him like he was nuts. It worked out in his favour, though, because one of the scouts was from NYU and mentioned that a full-ride scholarship could be on the table if he wanted it. Peter took the lady’s business card and said he’d think about it. It was the first time he told a scout that and actually meant it.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The group went back to the hotel after the awards ceremony following the competition, and Liz decided for the team that they were going to swim.</p><p>Peter walked with Ned down to the pool, grateful that he hadn’t thought to pack swim trunks.</p><p>“Just go in your boxers,” Flash suggested. “You got nothing to hide.” The boy giggled as he ran past, slapping Peter’s ass in the process.</p><p>Peter glowered at Flash’s back. Jerk. Flash had obviously meant it as an insult about the size of his dick, but the delivery made it sound like a compliment. Peter smiled in satisfaction since Flash had played himself.</p><p>He ended up sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet in the water. The entire evening, all he could think about was Tony and college. Would college really be that bad? If it was going to be free, even better. He was pretty sure the offer had contingencies, but still, basically nobody got offered scholarships to NYU unless they were in the medical program. He had been only doing the Decathlon for fun and hadn’t known it would actually turn into something so meaningful.</p><p>When he considered what classes he might like to take, and where he could live, and whether he would keep working at Iron Fitness or maybe find an internship at some fancy tech company, the world seemed to open up with endless possibilities for his future. He didn’t think being overweight was that significant of a worry in comparison to his excitement for what he could be doing if he accepted NYU’s offer.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The mall had been the part of the trip that Peter was least looking forward to because the mall never had anything for him. All the best clothes were too expensive or fit weird—if he could even find a size big enough.</p><p>It ended up not being that bad since the mall in D.C. had different store options. He hadn’t planned on spending much more than the twenty dollars May had given him, but since he hadn’t been buying so much snack food, he had a decent amount in his chequing account to spend in case he saw something he really wanted.</p><p>He was happy the group he was with—Ned, Betty, MJ, and Liz—elected to go to Old Navy since it was one of his favourite stores and had semi-decent sizing options.</p><p>Peter picked out a few graphic t-shirts, since one could never have enough of those, and then he deliberated over a new pair of jeans since the ones he was wearing were on the verge of being loose enough to be noticeable.</p><p>“Here,” MJ said, holding up a pair of grey wash denim. “These would look sick on you.”</p><p>“Really?” Peter wondered. “I don’t know what size.”</p><p>MJ shrugged. “Try a size down from whatever you’re wearing and take another size under that. Some jeans fit different. I’m like a zero at some stores and a six at others.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “A size zero?”</p><p>“Women’s clothing works differently.” She shrugged. “At least you guys have pockets.”</p><p>Peter decided to listen to her advice and try on the pants along with a sweater that didn’t have any graphics on it, just in case he needed to dress up for something. Maybe orientation at college. <em>Or hanging out with Tony outside of the gym.</em></p><p>Everyone had something to try on, so they all went to the change rooms together. Previously, Peter would’ve never dared to do that, but he figured his friends had liked him when he was still big, so it wasn’t like they thought he magically didn’t wear clothes, and it was comforting to hear that even MJ didn’t fit in certain things sometimes.</p><p>Ned and Betty got matching hats and shirts which everyone pretended to hate but secretly thought was cute.</p><p>Liz got a sundress with a floral pattern they also offered on a t-shirt, so MJ begrudgingly purchased it at Liz’s request, but Peter saw her smile when she thought nobody was looking.</p><p> </p><p>On the way back to Queens, Peter looked at his couple bags of stuff. A new pair of headphones, some new guitar picks, and the clothes. It wasn’t much, but he was satisfied.</p><p>Flash decided then was a good time to come and bother him.</p><p>“Hey, Penis. What’d you buy?”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Nothing.”</p><p>Flash frowned. “If you needed to borrow money, you should’ve just asked. I would’ve said no, but you still could’ve asked.</p><p>Peter huffed out a laugh. “Did you need something?”</p><p>“It’s your turn to hold my trophy,” Flash explained.</p><p>“Our trophy,” MJ corrected without looking.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Peter said. “I don’t have hand sanitizer with me.”</p><p>Flash shrugged. “Suit yourself, Parker. Once in a life-time opp.”</p><p>Peter ignored the boy until he walked away.</p><p>Peter didn’t need to hold the trophy to feel proud of the team’s accomplishments.</p><p> </p><p>When they were closer to home, Ned asked him for more details about what he and the scouts had discussed, and he asked the question he’d been intermittently asking Peter for months.</p><p>“Have you decided if you’re coming to college with us?” Ned always looked hopeful when he said it, and Peter hadn’t really cared much before. Not that he didn’t care about Ned or understand why his best friend wanted him to attend school at the same time as he and MJ, just that his own reasons for not wanting to go took precedent.</p><p>“Yeah. I decided,” Peter replied.</p><p>Ned inclined his head.</p><p>“You’re gonna have to put up with me for another four years.”</p><p>“Holy shit, dude.” Ned put a hand to his chest. “Yes. Oh my god. Thank you.”</p><p>Peter ducked his head in response to Ned’s enthusiasm. “Glad you’re so happy, buddy.”</p><p>“You don’t even know, Peter. This is the best day of my life.”</p><p>Peter glanced at MJ to see her reaction, but she just blew a bubble with her gum and called him a nerd which was MJ language for being happy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Celebration</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter gets back to his routine and finds out that he missed Tony's birthday!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I started writing this story in 2018, and planned to publish it in 2019, so all the days are plotted according to the 2019 calendar. So Tony's birthday last year was on Wednesday, May 29, and he would've turned 49. For this story, I have him turning 41 which you'll see in this chapter. </p><p>Just in case you were curious about that, or if it stood out to you that I assign weekdays to everything, or that I'm specific about times. I think it helps set the scene when you know how long it's taking, but that could just be me. </p><p>xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The break from school that the Decathlon had offered backfired since it meant he had more work to catch up on in the classes he’d missed. Still, Peter made sure to go to Iron Fitness on Thursday since his evening was newly freed up now that Decathlon was done. In a way, it was nice to know that Tony wouldn’t be there since they’d discussed it, and now that he knew Tony didn’t work there, he wouldn’t have to wonder if he’d run into him. Even more comforting was that Peter didn’t have to imagine what other people Tony were training, or if Tony liked them better.</p><p>Friday was at the desk, and even though it wasn’t Friday, he felt compelled to say, “T.G.I.F.”</p><p>She just sighed and shook her head, a wry smile on her face. “You know, Mr. Stark says that to me every time he sees me.”</p><p>“Great minds think alike,” Peter commented. He put his ID card to the scanner and waited for the computer to approve him.</p><p>“That’s one way to put it,” Friday joked.</p><p>“Has he been in this week?” Peter asked casually. He figured it was a long shot, but he was curious.</p><p>“Were you in this week?” Friday asked.</p><p>Peter scrunched up his face. “No, I had other stuff going on.”</p><p>Friday’s eyes twinkled. “Then, no.”</p><p>“Oh, okay. Just curious.”</p><p>“I can’t say for sure what he’s been up to this week,” Friday continued, “but I can tell you that it was his birthday yesterday.”</p><p>“Are you serious?”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“How old did he turn?” Peter asked, fumbling the words. It made it sound like Tony was a senior citizen, or under a magic spell.</p><p>“41,” she replied matter-of-factly.</p><p>“Wow, I feel like a jerk.” Peter pursed his lips. “I didn’t say anything…I didn’t know.”</p><p>“I’m sure he’ll understand. Tell him Happy Birthday tomorrow,” Friday suggested. “Now that you know.”</p><p>“I will.” Peter nodded. He would have to get something more for Tony than merely telling him Happy Birthday. That wouldn’t be enough.</p><p>“And thanks, I owe you one.”</p><p>“I won’t forget,” Friday responded with a wink.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Bucky intercepted Peter on the way to the locker room.</p><p>“Hey, Peter. It’s been a while. You been avoiding us?”</p><p>Peter shook his head and joked, “Nope, just you.”</p><p>Bucky laughed.</p><p>“Nah,” Peter corrected. “I’ve just been really busy with school.”</p><p>“Nerd.”</p><p>Peter couldn’t argue with that.</p><p>“You graduating this year?”</p><p>“Yup. End of June.”</p><p>“Nice. Once it’s summer, you can come and bug us every day. No excuses.”</p><p>“I’m not gonna have a choice,” Peter said.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Tony got me a job.”</p><p>“No kidding,” Bucky said. “What does he have you doing? Scrubbing toilets?”</p><p>“Nope. Reception, so I’ll be the one getting bugged.”</p><p>“Awesome, man. It’ll give everyone else a break if I have you to pick on too.” Bucky laughed.</p><p>“Happy to help.”</p><p>Peter had been a little worried that he would be accused of taking a job that didn’t belong to him, or worse, that Tony might be accused of nepotism, so he was comforted by the fact that Bucky seemed supportive of him filling the position.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky didn’t have any sessions booked, so he was just making his rounds helping anyone who needed it and ended up helping Peter with the exercises he usually did with Tony. Bucky was great, but Peter missed his usual partner. Before, he’d wanted Bucky to be his trainer because of Bucky’s height and size, but now he saw that it didn’t matter. He didn’t think feeling smaller next to Bucky while they were working out was an advantage, and even though they were friends, there wasn’t the same level of comfort between them that he shared with Tony.</p><p>Peter was busy wondering if things would’ve been different if he’d chosen Bucky to train him instead and felt sick at the thought of missing out on Tony’s friendship. His distraction let Bucky get him onto the ground, although he probably would’ve ended up there eventually since he was still a beginner.</p><p>“You’re a cool little dude,” Bucky said after a few moments of nothing but breathing and grunting. He was holding up pads for Peter to punch and kick.</p><p>“Little?” Peter scoffed.</p><p>Bucky nodded.</p><p>“What’s with the compliment?” Peter wondered. It was unlike Bucky to say something without a punchline.</p><p>“You know, I wouldn’t have minded training you.”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows and wondered for a split second if Bucky could read his mind.</p><p>“Good thing I didn’t,” Bucky joked. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have met your hero.” Bucky fluttered his eyelashes. “You oughta thank me.”</p><p>“Hey,” Peter complained. “Nebula’s cool and all, but she’s not my hero.”</p><p>Bucky rolled his eyes. “Very funny, but Nebula isn’t the one who—”</p><p>Peter inclined his head and frowned. “That’s weird. What’s Steve doing here? Thought he went home.”</p><p>Bucky immediately turned to look where Peter was looking, and Peter used the opportunity to get Bucky onto the ground, even though they weren’t technically sparring.</p><p>He had a hard time keeping Bucky down because he was laughing so hard, and because he was hesitant to fuck with the man's metal arm in case he broke it.</p><p>“Who were you teasing about having a hero again? ‘Cause it seems like Steve’s yours,” Peter teased. “It’s so cute!”</p><p>“Not cool,” Bucky groaned. “That’s cheating.”</p><p>“What are you gonna do about it?”</p><p>Bucky advanced on him. “Just wait ‘til you’re working here, Pete. I’m gonna make your life miserable,” Bucky taunted with a grin.</p><p>Peter dropped his hands and plastered a dejected expression on his face. “Seriously, Bucky? I knew it was a bad idea. I won’t do it, then. I’ll tell Tony thanks, but no thanks if you’re just gonna be mean about it.”</p><p>“What? Hey, I was just kidding,” Bucky said, dropping his hands immediately. “I didn’t—"</p><p>Peter started laughing and swept his leg under Bucky’s to trip him for a second time. “So was I.”</p><p>“You can tell who you’ve been working with,” Bucky sighed from the floor. “Such a scrappy fighter. It’s ridiculous.”</p><p>Peter took that as a compliment.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tony was already in the locker room when Peter arrived at the gym.</p><p>The man didn’t notice him right away, so Peter took the opportunity to stare. He sighed wistfully. Tony was wearing a pair of blacked out Nike Air Force 1’s, along with black sweatpants, and a black shirt.</p><p>“Are you in mourning?” Peter blurted. It wasn’t the smoothest of opening lines since it was more teasing and less friendly, but whatever. He was doing his best.</p><p>Tony spun around and smiled. “Oh hey, Pete. Where you been? You don’t call. You don’t write.”</p><p>“Texting is kind of like writing,” Peter countered.</p><p>“True, and no, I’m not in mourning, by the way.”</p><p>Peter gestured to his own black outfit. “Me neither.”</p><p>Tony huffed.</p><p>Texting Tony for a few minutes hadn’t been nearly enough interaction to tide him over until their time together in-person. Seeing him again made him feel like he'd been holding his breath for two weeks. He couldn't wait to share all of his good news with the man.</p><p>Peter walked to his usual locker and paused before he put his bag in since he had perishables in there, and he didn’t want to leave them sitting there while they exercised. Plus, he might chicken out if he waited too long and overthought the whole thing.</p><p>The plastic container holding two cupcakes was strategically placed in his backpack for safe keeping. He hadn’t been sure if Tony preferred chocolate or vanilla, so he’d made batches of both and written a 41 on the best ones of each flavour. May had generously taken him to the store the night before after he’d come home from working out with Bucky to get the baking supplies. Thank goodness for Friday.</p><p>“Uhm, do you mind if we meet in the office before we get into it? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”</p><p>Tony’s face turned serious for a moment before he recovered with a playful expression. “You betcha. Consulting hours usually cost extra, but I think I can spare a few minutes for you,” he joked.</p><p>“Lucky me.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter waited until Tony was gone before taking out the cupcakes. He really hoped Tony didn’t have any previously undisclosed allergies. It would have been very unfortunate if he gave the man the baked goods as a kind gesture, and he wasn’t able to eat them.</p><p>He hadn’t gotten a card for Tony this time since the last time he’d given him one, he’d just been nervous about what Tony’s reaction would be, and he hadn’t heard anything, so it was probably best to avoid it. Instead, he’d put a sticky note on it that said <em>Happy Birthday, Tony!</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Peter entered the office and placed the container in front of Tony before stepping back and taking his seat.</p><p>Tony frowned briefly then broke out into a smile.</p><p>“Happy Birthday,” Peter said. “I hope you like cupcakes. I wasn’t sure what flavour you would like best, so I made chocolate and vanilla. Friday told me yesterday when I came in. I’m really sorry I didn’t say anything on the actual day. I didn’t know, or I totally would’ve.” He cut himself off before the rambling became too out of control.</p><p>Tony opened the lid and his smile grew.</p><p>“She told you how old I am, too?”</p><p>Peter shifted in his seat. “Yeah.”</p><p>“Anyway, it’s cool if you don’t want them, or whatever. I just wanted to get you something, and—”</p><p>“Pete, please. This is great. Thank you.”</p><p>“You’re welcome. I made them myself, by the way. Not that that’s a great endorsement or anything, but I mean, obviously I have a lot of baking experience under my belt. Figuratively and literally, speaking.” So much for the not rambling.</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Stop. You’re killing me.”</p><p>“Okay.” Peter nodded. “Sorry.”</p><p>Tony looked satisfied with that.</p><p>Peter was about to ask if Tony wanted them then, or if he was going to eat them later, but Tony grabbed the chocolate one and took a bite.</p><p>Peter tried not to be obvious about his investment in Tony’s reaction. He was sure they were tasty, but Tony might not think so. If he didn’t, Peter might die of devastation.</p><p>“Delicious,” Tony said. “I sort of want to be polite and offer you the vanilla one, but I want it, so…” Tony ate the second cupcake.</p><p>“I’m glad you like them.”</p><p>“I love them.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s mood couldn’t be brought down. He was thrilled that he’d made Tony so happy. During their entire session, Tony kept smiling, and Peter was glad that he’d been the cause.</p><p>As usual, as soon as he became too comfortable in his good mood, something had to go wrong and ruin everything.</p><p>“So just go like this,” Tony directed. He grabbed Peter’s arm and pulled it forward, level with his chin, palm open, and pushed his opposite arm back, fist closed. “Widen your legs.”</p><p>“Perfect,” Tony said. “This is a more advanced stance.”</p><p>“Now sweep your leg back like this.” Tony demonstrated.</p><p>Peter tried to copy the movement, but he lost his balance and fell on his ass. Because of the strange position of his legs, his ankle hit the ground at a strange angle and bloomed with pain.</p><p>“Uh oh,” Tony said. He held his hand out to help Peter up.</p><p>Peter grabbed it. He had no choice but to work through his discomfort; he couldn’t show Tony that he’d hurt himself. It was humiliating. Was he that uncoordinated and useless that he couldn’t even walk backwards without falling?</p><p>Peter took a breath and attempted to stand up, but his foot protested. He was stuck, and he had no choice but to reveal his dilemma.</p><p>“I can’t,” Peter admitted. Tears welled up in his eyes. “Something’s wrong.”</p><p>Tony let go of Peter’s hand and crouched down beside him on the mat. “Is it your ankle?”</p><p>Peter nodded. “I think I landed weird. I’m sorry.” He bit his lip so he wouldn’t cry.</p><p>Tony frowned. “Don’t worry, Pete. It’ll be all right.”</p><p>Tony moved his pant leg out of the way. “I gotta take off your shoe, okay?”</p><p>“Fine.” Peter wanted to argue that his feet were gross, but he was too focused on holding back tears.</p><p>Tony unlaced his running shoes and pulled off his sock.</p><p>“Can you move your toes?”</p><p>Peter wiggled them in response.</p><p>“Do you feel any tingling or numbness?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter shook his head. “Just hurts.”</p><p>“All right, it’s not broken from what I can tell,” Tony explained. “Hang tight, okay? I’m gonna get you a tensor bandage.”</p><p>Peter waited on the floor in misery. Everything always had to be difficult. It was a miracle if he could get through one day at the gym without having some sort of setback. He was beginning to think that the world hated him and wanted him to be miserable forever.</p><p>After a few minutes, Tony returned.</p><p>Tony wrapped the bandage around the affected area carefully. Peter looked away the entire time.</p><p>After it was done, Tony stood up and scooped up his sock and shoe in one hand and held out his other hand for Peter to take.</p><p>Peter took Tony’s hand, gingerly staying off the injured foot while they walked out of the studio.</p><p>Luckily it wasn’t a long walk to the front lobby.</p><p>“I’ll grab your stuff,” Tony announced. “Then I’ll take you home. What’s the combo on your lock?”</p><p>“19-60-15,” Peter supplied.</p><p>“Don’t steal anything,” Peter added, cracking a smile.</p><p>Tony’s face lightened. “Be right back.”</p><p>Peter sat down on one of the chairs to wait for Tony. Luckily reception was empty, so he didn’t have to make small talk with anyone.</p><p> </p><p>Peter perked up when he saw Tony walking toward him with his backpack.</p><p>“I’m parked in a good spot,” Tony remarked. “We’ll be walking less than two minutes. Do you think you can make it? ‘Cause I can grab some crutches for you, or if Thor’s not busy he can carry you out of here…”</p><p>“Thanks, Tony. It’s okay. Honestly, it’s already starting to feel a little better.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Tony grabbed his hand for a second time and helped him hobble out to the car. Peter got into the passenger seat while Tony held the door open. Peter had to resist letting apologies spill endlessly out of his mouth. He’d ruined their first time back to the gym in two weeks, and he’d ruined his birthday surprise for Tony by making more work for him. Peter couldn’t believe this is what made him finally cry in front of Tony. Not having to admit that he’d binged, not being called pathetic by strangers, no, he’d been able to resist it then, but falling and hurting his ankle? That was what did it. The embarrassment from crying just made him want to cry more.</p><p>He put his face in his hands, and foolishly hoped Tony wouldn’t notice.</p><p>“Does it hurt that bad?” Tony’s voice was laced with concern.</p><p>Tony being so caring on top of it all didn’t help with the waterworks. He didn’t deserve Tony.</p><p>“I’ll take you to the hospital,” Tony suggested. “Maybe I was wrong, and it is broken.”</p><p>“N-no,” Peter said. “No. It’s not the ankle.”</p><p>“I don’t understand.”</p><p>Peter saw that Tony was gripping the steering wheel hard enough to make his knuckles turn white. Tony was angry at him.</p><p>“I’m s-such a loser.” Peter managed to spit out the words at a barely audible volume since crying took away his capacity to speak clearly. “I ruin everything.”</p><p>“What?” Tony demanded. He sounded confused, and Peter didn’t blame him. It was probably hard for someone like Tony to understand how tripping could lead to a full breakdown, but Peter was used to the emotional roller coaster.</p><p>“Peter. Are you kidding? You’re not a loser.”</p><p>Yeah. Okay.</p><p>“Listen to me,” Tony said. “You’re not. I’ll say it a million and one times if that’s what it takes.”</p><p>Peter looked away. His eyes were probably all bloodshot and red-rimmed. Disgusting.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Peter wiped his eyes. He knew he was nowhere near done with this crying session, but he had enough self-control to postpone it until he was out of Tony’s sight.</p><p>Tony sighed and stopped the car. Getting back home was a lot faster when Tony drove.</p><p>Peter stared at his lap while Tony walked around to his side and opened the door. He knew this was it. Tony was done with him for good. Why should he put up with such a wreck when he wasn’t getting anything out of it? Peter knew better and knew he should’ve been on his best behaviour during these sessions with Tony.</p><p>Peter wanted to ignore Tony’s outstretched hand because he already felt like such a bother, but he didn’t want to be rude. He avoided Tony’s gaze, even when he was out of the car completely and standing on one foot while Tony supported his other side.</p><p>“Pete, would you just look at me?” Tony asked quietly.</p><p>Peter looked at Tony after a small pause.</p><p>Tony smiled at him encouragingly. “There he is.”</p><p>Peter wiped his eyes again before rolling them.</p><p>“Wanna tell me exactly what’s happening?” Tony wondered.</p><p>Peter shook his head. How was he supposed to explain the intricacies of his disordered mind?</p><p>Tony twisted his lips. He looked like he was thinking.</p><p>Peter sighed. He might as well just tell Tony the truth. “I’m embarrassed.”</p><p>“Embarrassed? For what? Falling on a difficult move you just learned? If that makes you a loser, then I’m a fucking wreck.”</p><p>Peter sniffled and smiled.</p><p>“Everybody falls when they practice. You just happened to get hurt, and it was an accident. So lighten up.”</p><p>“Lighten up?”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “You know what I mean.”</p><p>“I know,” Peter said. “I don’t know why I got so upset. I don’t know. Sometimes that just happens.”</p><p>“Hey, don’t worry about it. You told me before that you hate making mistakes,” Tony reminded him.</p><p>Peter nodded. “Yeah.”</p><p>“You’re not a loser. Never were. Never will be,” Tony spoke while looking directly into Peter’s eyes. “I don’t care how many mistakes you make.”</p><p>“Okay?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter nodded again.</p><p>“Bring it in,” Tony directed.</p><p>Peter was already half leaning on him, so it wasn’t much to angle his body toward Tony’s for a hug.</p><p>It was a lot better than the haphazard hug he’d ambushed Tony with a few weeks prior. Tony squeezed him tightly, longer than a regular hug would last, and longer than their other hug.</p><p>Peter slowly relaxed after the initial awkwardness he felt. He brought his arms up from his sides to wrap around Tony’s body.</p><p>“This is nice,” Peter admitted into the man’s shoulder.</p><p>Tony hummed his assent before pulling back. He kept one hand on Peter’s shoulder.</p><p>Peter felt immensely better after the hug, but his insecurities were running rampant. “I didn’t mean to get carried away…I don’t know.” Peter gave Tony a bashful smile. “Guess I just got overwhelmed. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” Tony replied. “All that matters to me is you’re not hurt.”</p><p>“I know,” Peter said. “I might’ve had to sue you. That would suck for your bottom line.”</p><p>“My bottom line can survive a twisted ankle, but I don’t think my conscience could.”</p><p>They were right in the no-parking zone, as close to the door as it was possible to get. Peter wouldn’t be able to get up to his apartment without Tony’s help, so he considered calling May down, that way Tony wouldn’t have to go out of his way or get dinged with a parking ticket.</p><p>Tony started walking them inside the building without him having to mention anything.</p><p>Peter’s ankle was feeling a lot better since he’d been off it, but it still twinged when he accidentally put too much pressure on it. Tony was able to get him to the elevator without incident, though.</p><p>“You don’t have to come up if you’re busy, or need to get home, or something.”</p><p>Tony answered Peter’s suggestion by pressing the button to close the door, and then they were on their way up to the seventh floor. Peter prayed that the apartment was in somewhat decent order. He didn’t even know what time it was or have a clue if May would be there.</p><p>Peter grabbed his keys from the side compartment of his backpack and unlocked the door.</p><p>“Peter, is that you?” May called.</p><p>“Who else would it be?” Peter asked, not loud enough for her to hear.</p><p>May popped out of the kitchen to greet him. “You didn’t—oh, Tony. Hi.”</p><p>“Hey, May,” Tony replied.</p><p>“What are you—” May looked down at Peter’s foot. “What happened?”</p><p>She rushed up to him and put her hand to his forehead, even though it had absolutely no connection to the hurt ankle.</p><p>“Took a bit of a spill at the gym,” Tony explained. “Landed wrong, but if he stays off it for a bit…it’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Oh, no. My poor baby,” May sighed. She held her hands out for Peter. “Have you been crying?”</p><p>“May,” Peter complained.</p><p>“Oh, hush. You’re allowed to cry when you get hurt.”</p><p>Peter moved his head in time to see Tony nodding at him pointedly.</p><p>“I was just making dinner,” May said. “Are you staying, Tony?”</p><p>“Me? No, thanks. Now that Pete’s up here safe and sound, I gotta get back.”</p><p>Peter didn’t know if he was disappointed or relieved that Tony wouldn’t be staying. He loved spending time with the man, but not necessarily while eating in his small apartment with May joining them.</p><p>“I gotta sit down,” Peter remarked.</p><p>Tony and May both moved to his side, but Tony got there first. He guided Peter to the couch and sat down next to him.</p><p>“Mind if I take a look at it again before I leave?”</p><p>Peter said, “It’s okay, you don’t have to,” while May said, “Yes, please. It could be broken.”</p><p>Tony opted for May’s advice and pulled Peter’s leg forward.</p><p>Peter was uncomfortable having his foot on Tony’s thigh in front of May. He would definitely be hearing about that later.</p><p>Tony did the same check that he’d done while at Iron Fitness and deemed the ankle not broken.</p><p>“Okay, Pete. Stay off it for the rest of the night, and if it hurts tomorrow, call into work.”</p><p>“I’m sure it’s gonna be fine,” Peter sighed. “I overreacted.”</p><p>Tony frowned. “I’d rather you overreact than pretend it didn’t hurt at all, and you better listen. If you busted your ankle, I’d be out a workout partner.”</p><p>Peter nodded, and Tony pointed at him. “I’m counting on you. Make the right choice.”</p><p>Peter glanced up at May who was watching the exchange with full attention.</p><p>“Tony,” May said. “I just remembered. Happy Birthday.”</p><p>“Why thank you.”</p><p>“Did you do anything special to celebrate?”</p><p>Peter was initially going to frown at May for being nosy, but it was actually perfect because he wanted to know too, and it didn’t sound desperate if May was the one to ask.</p><p>“No,” Tony replied. “Might go to dinner with a couple friends this weekend, but…you know how it is when you get older. Birthdays aren’t the same.”</p><p>May nodded. “Peter takes care of me that way. He makes sure it’s a big deal.”</p><p>“Well, you raised a good kid,” Tony commented.</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows and glanced at May. She had a strange look on her face which he came to recognize as being charmed. Tony was exceptional at garnering that reaction from people. Peter had a sick feeling in his stomach. It had been one thing to tell May that Tony might’ve had a thing for her and for May to shoot the entire thing down, but she seemed to be warming up. And Tony couldn’t seem to stop calling him a kid.</p><p>“Maybe you should stay,” May said.</p><p>Peter knew exactly what May was up to. She’d gone from warning him about Tony to inviting him to stay for dinner. This was her way of sizing Tony up. Peter wondered if it was more for his good or her good. If May started developing feelings for Tony, it would be the ultimate betrayal.</p><p>Peter replied before Tony could. “He’s in a no-parking zone. If he stays, he’ll have to move his car, and there’s no point going through all that trouble.” There, he’d saved Tony from May’s watchful eye and given him an out since he obviously didn’t want to stay.</p><p>May frowned.</p><p>“Right,” Tony said after a moment. “Your last name pretty much guarantees that you’d care about parking violations.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes, and May chuckled.</p><p>“The monotony of your name-related jokes is getting starker by the minute.”</p><p>“Damn, two-for-one,” Tony commented. “I didn’t know I was talking to a walking thesaurus. Brainiac.”</p><p>“Well, now you know.” Peter laughed.</p><p>Tony shook his head. “This conversation has petered out, so I’m gonna go.”</p><p>“May you and your aunt have a pleasant evening,” Tony joked.</p><p>Peter felt a pang of jealousy to hear May included in what he’d thought of as his thing with Tony.</p><p>“Thanks, Tony,” May offered. “Maybe you can come back for dinner another time.”</p><p>Under normal circumstances, Peter would’ve liked to walk Tony down, but he was out of commission. All he could do was watch Tony leave and May shut the door behind him.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter couldn’t stop looking at the empty chair at the table. He had wanted Tony to stay, but he knew he had better things to do, and he really didn’t want to have to watch him with May. Hearing them joke made him irrationally jealous, and he didn’t want to prolong his suffering. He supposed it was a good thing that May and Tony were getting along, though. If May warmed up to Tony, then he wouldn’t have to endure anymore conversations about the dangers of befriending an older man.</p><p>“So,” May said with no subtlety.</p><p>“So,” Peter echoed.</p><p>In his mind, Peter ran through about fifteen questions May was likely to ask about his evening, and specifically Tony’s role in it. She surprised him by asking something he hadn’t considered.</p><p>“Does Tony know when your graduation is?”</p><p>Peter twisted his face. What did that have to do with anything? “I don’t think so.” Peter knew he’d mentioned it while they swam, but he doubted Tony remembered the exact date.</p><p>“Why not?” May wondered.</p><p>Peter shrugged. “I don’t know.”</p><p>May hummed and didn’t say anything more.</p><p>“Why do you ask?” Peter added.</p><p>“I thought you would’ve invited him. That’s all.”</p><p>“It’s family only,” Peter reminded her. “And you don’t like Tony.”</p><p>“I mean—He’s—Well—” May struggled to give her opinion which told Peter all he needed to know. “You know, the school gives out two tickets to each household.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter said. He exchanged a frown with May. The second ticket didn’t really belong to anyone now that they were a family of two.</p><p>“He wouldn’t wanna come to that.” Peter waved.</p><p>“If you wanted to invite him,” May began, “I wouldn’t be opposed.”</p><p>“Why?” Peter said. Since when did May want Tony around? After all the warnings she’d given, it didn’t make any sense. Peter hoped she wasn’t reneging on her promise not to be involved with Tony now that he’d charmed her a little bit. That was the last thing he needed, to spend his graduation day keeping an eye on May and Tony to make sure nothing was going on.</p><p>“Because, he’s your friend, and I know it would make you happy to have him there. Graduation is all about you.”</p><p>Peter furrowed his brows. “I appreciate it, but, I don’t know, it’s okay. Nobody wants to sit through a high school graduation for no reason. He’s busy, you know. He’s got a company to run and everything.”</p><p>May nodded and changed the subject, but Peter was still thinking about it. It would be nice to have Tony there for moral support, but he didn’t want to be a bother. He felt like he’d already made Tony’s life difficult enough.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>After dinner, Peter did the dishes, and despite it being a Friday night, he figured he might as well start on his homework. He grabbed his backpack to get his phone and headphones out, planning on playing his homework playlist. He opened up the main compartment and was surprised to see that Tony had put the cupcake container back in his bag. Peter smiled. It was nice of Tony to return it since usually containers brought to secondary locations were never seen by their owners again. Peter’s smile dimmed when he didn’t see the note on the lid. He checked the rest of his bag to see if it’d fallen off, but he didn’t find it. Tony must’ve thrown it in the garbage before he put the container back.</p><p>The feelings he thought he’d moved past after hugging Tony and talking it out returned with a vengeance. The conversation he’d had with May about Tony potentially attending the graduation came to mind. Yeah, right. No way Tony would want to go to that. Peter repeated the math problem he was working on in his head over and over again until the bad thoughts were driven out, or at least quieted.</p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Re-evaluation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tony's POV from the swim with Peter to mid-June.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The not flirting with Peter thing wasn’t going well for Tony.</p><p>He had left Rhodey’s with a fresh perspective and the best of intentions; he would be friendly with Peter, end of story. No flirting with him, no leading him on or giving him the wrong idea by bonding further, and no gifts—although Tony amended that rule in his head to no <em>unreasonable </em>gifts. Those kind of boundaries were difficult for him to follow since being flirtatious and generous were his main personality traits. Flirtatious because it was fun and because how people responded to it revealed a lot about their personalities and what they wanted from him. Generous because why not if he had the money, and because most of the time it kept people off his back. And normally, leaving his personality a mystery and not encouraging any bonding would not have been a problem because Tony didn’t like sharing anything about himself unless he knew he could trust who he was sharing himself with; however, when it came to Peter, he did want to bond and be more open because he did trust him. Tony wanted to flirt with Peter because he liked him. He wanted to spoil him with gifts because he deserved it. It felt wrong to hold back. It felt like a lie.</p><p>He hadn’t even been able to put his rules into practice for a full day before he texted Peter to go swimming.</p><p>By itself, swimming didn’t necessarily constitute a bad idea, but in less than three sentences, he’d taken a reasonable request to the next level by suggesting he and Peter go to the gym alone, after hours. To be fair, the alone part was for Peter’s sake because there was no way he’d be comfortable swimming in front of others. He would’ve said no, or said yes and not had a good time. Tony wondered if maybe he should’ve let Peter say no, but then what would they have done instead? Cancelling on Friday and not rescheduling right away would’ve made him look like a complete asshole, and Peter would’ve taken it personally. So, what was Tony supposed to have done?</p><p>His mind had swirled with notions of morality and legality for the entire drive back to Manhattan, and for the entire day and afternoon leading up to his evening tryst with Peter. What was the right thing according to the law, and what was the right thing according to human decency? Along with that, he considered the idea of being helpful versus being harmful—he had a bad habit of inadvertently fucking things up by trying to do the right thing and wanted to avoid making that sort of mistake with Peter as much as was possible.</p><p>Despite his best efforts—mediocre efforts, if he was being honest—he hadn’t been able to stop himself from trying to wring every blush he could out of the poor kid. It was hard to hold back with Peter because he was so adorable. He was also so self-conscious that he barely recognized flirting; he seemed to think he was an optional figure in Tony’s life, and that was after Tony had proven again and again how much he cared. Tony had a feeling that if he toned down his wily behaviour around Peter to neutral, or even nice, the boy would probably think he hated him.</p><p>It was one thing calling Rhodey sweetheart and teasing Pepper about being a second husband since none of that was said for any other reason than to be funny and maybe to elicit an eyeroll. When Tony complimented Peter, it meant more. He didn’t want to stop because Peter deserved to hear good things about himself whether they were flirtatious or not.</p><p>Tony wanted Peter to have the freedom to make his own decisions—whether that meant making the first move or making no moves at all—but he also wanted to be the one to demonstrate how much he cared first. Unfortunately, doing so wasn’t an option because of their age difference.</p><p>Everything in Tony’s life was something he’d pursued; when he wanted something, he did everything in his power to possess it, but how was he supposed to navigate that particular trait with people, and Peter in particular? He wanted Peter more than anything, and everything in him was telling him to lock it down, to say the words required to secure Peter’s affections. But, Peter had his own life, though, his own problems, and his own goals; he didn’t need some lonely old man holding him back, as much as Tony wanted to be selfish, he couldn’t do that with Peter. He couldn’t treat him like a conquest or another property to acquire.</p><p>It made Tony uncomfortable to leave things up to other people because it took away his control, but in this case, where a relationship with a teenager meant he would have all the control, he wanted to trust Peter to make the decision that would be best for him, and whatever that decision was, it would be best for Tony, too.</p><p>A much as he didn’t want to influence Peter’s decision by admitting his own feelings, he was inclined to be honest with him because of the issues he’d inadvertently caused by keeping secrets from Peter before. Was it the same thing? Was there any honour in keeping another secret when he truly thought it would be better for Peter to do so? He thought he'd already learnt that lesson, but maybe not.</p><p>There was more to think about besides how it would affect Peter. Tony had some skin in the game as well; he wanted to believe that Peter harboured more than a crush for him, and maybe even returned his love, but he couldn’t be sure. Maybe all of his agonizing was for naught if Peter didn’t want him the same way. Tony refused to be rejected. He could count on one hand how many meaningful friendships he had in his life, and his with Peter was one of them. He wouldn’t risk fucking that up just because he was greedy.</p><p>Tony had always had a hard time telling what people really thought of him. Most of the time they liked him for what he could do for them, and winning him over might have boosted their egos because he had money in the bank and a nice body. One of his biggest fears was that Peter might turn out to be the same. Nothing about Peter had indicated that that would happen, and he did trust him in general, but Tony had a hard time trusting anyone to feel the same way about him as he did them. It was why he was single at 41 and why he hadn’t had a serious relationship in longer than a decade.</p><p>Maybe he wouldn’t have put so much stock in finding a romantic partner if he’d had more friends and any family at all, but all he could hope for was to find his other half. He’d mostly learned to live with being alone, since the few friends he had were golden, and he owned a successful business, sure, he had a life full of wealth and people, but everyone around him was on his payroll. It hadn’t been his conscious intention to give Peter that role either, but upon giving it some more thought, he realized that it fit his MO perfectly—keep everyone at arm’s length.</p><p>Everything was going swimmingly, until he’d offered Peter the job. That was another idea that didn’t seem bad at face value, but it entangled their lives even further at the same time as it put a professional distance between them. Whether it was a good thing, or a bad thing, he didn’t even know. When he’d suggested that Peter become the new receptionist at the Forest Hills Iron Fitness, his only thought had been that Peter had a problem, and he had the means to solve it, so he should. He knew he would be hearing all about how stupid of an idea it was from Pepper when the time came, but Peter had been thrilled. Grateful. How could it be a bad idea when he’d made Peter happy?</p><p>He was constantly wrestling with himself to bring Peter closer and to push him away, out of his own fears and out of concern for Peter’s age. He wasn’t sure what the right answer was because Peter seemed to want him in his life, so wasn’t trying to be there doing the right thing? Tony didn’t know anymore. Everyone seemed to have different opinions. At the bottom of it all, Tony didn’t want to get hurt anymore than he wanted to hurt Peter, and with his poor track record of romantic relationships, was it really smart to drag Peter into one? Or if Peter ever made it known that he wanted to be in one, was it smart to indulge him?</p><p>Tony wanted to give Peter space to grow up and to get a little further with his journey, so he wouldn’t fuck anything up, or distract Peter, or overstep his bounds. Whatever.</p><p>He’d walked away from the evening relatively unscathed apart from the job offer. He was able to congratulate himself on the restraint he showed by changing separately from Peter and skipping the shower, but that wasn’t exactly an earned victory since he shouldn’t have put either of them in the situation in the first place. And all the fucking dirty jokes, and the smirking, and the teasing, but how was he supposed to keep his cool when Peter was muttering under his breath about how hot he was? Tony wondered if there was anything else that Peter liked about him aside from his physique. He liked to think so, but the thought stayed in the back of his mind.</p><p>The ride home had been a doozy. The end to a perfect evening, and a full step in the wrong direction. Only wrong because he’d decided not to inflict his romantic feelings upon Peter. If Tony had been in a position to make the night go the right way, he would’ve leaned over and kissed Peter goodnight. Just for the fun of it, and to prove to Peter how much of a bother he wasn’t. He’d had to settle for watching Peter walk into his apartment alone. It felt like a crime to let it go unsaid just how sweet Peter was and how much he meant to him. He could only hope that one day he’d have a chance to share with Peter all of things he didn’t say.</p><p>It was like speaking about his feelings with Rhodey had done zero good in quashing them. The supposedly hypothetical conversation had manifested his real feelings tenfold.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter didn’t help matters since he’d decided to turn up the heat for some reason. Bringing energy drinks, muttering compliments under his breath, joking around, flirting, and finally accepting the rides offered to him. According to Rhodey’s romantic tale of his new relationship, all Tony and Peter needed to do was go to dinner and then they’d basically be dating. Tony found himself wondering if Peter realized the effect he had on him. If it was this bad without Peter even trying, Tony would’ve been a goner if the kid ever tried to get him going intentionally. It was something to look forward to. Maybe. Hopefully.</p><p>Peter had him in his head wondering about what everything meant,  re-evaluating who he even was as a person, and causing him to see all of his relationships past and present in a new light because the standard he’d set for his interactions over the years was being thrown off now that Peter was in his life. Peter was so sweet and kind, he left everyone else to shame.</p><p>He’d tried to stamp all his worries down and try to exercise the positive thinking he was always preaching to Peter, but it was all easier said than done. Tony had trusted people who seemed kind before, so what if Peter was just someone else that would take things from him and leave once he had nothing new to offer? He really didn’t think that was the case, but there was also the risk that Peter loved him back. How would any of that work? Both of them were busy, and Peter was barely 18, and Peter barely knew anything about him.</p><p>His mind kept going in circles, revisiting the same concerns over and over and exhausting him. He liked to think of himself as confident and unbothered, but the presence of crippling self-doubt made it hard to maintain that view. It seemed there were negatives sides to every possible scenario. If that was going to be the case, Tony figured he might as well say fuck it and just go for it, tell Peter what he thought, and let the chips fall where they may, but he refrained.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Tony had experienced even more uneasiness when Peter had asked him if Mr. Delmar had said anything to him during his visit to the deli. He was curious to know why Peter was so vehement about the matter. He’d taken it as a good sign that Mr. Delmar had recognized him since it meant that Peter had discussed it with his boss at some point, but maybe that wasn’t a good thing. Maybe Mr. Delmar had given some half-cocked warning about “guys like him” or “older men”. Tony wouldn’t be able to say he blamed the people in Peter’s life for looking out for him, but he couldn’t say he appreciated warnings in his name either. Mr. Delmar had been decent enough to talk to.</p><p> </p><p>“On your way to see Peter?”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“I hear he’s going to be working for you.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? What else have you heard about me? Lots of good things I hope?” Tony could admit that he had been a little bit cheeky.</p><p>“You have no idea. Peter seems to think the sun shines out of your ass.”</p><p>Tony had raised his eyebrows at that. So they did discuss him. Interesting. “I wouldn’t go that far, but there is a joke to be made about moons.”</p><p>Mr. Delmar had frowned for a moment before groaning and rolling his eyes. “No wonder you two get along so well. Always with the jokes.”</p><p>Tony had smirked at that. “Anyway, sorry to steal him away from you. He really likes it here. Says he’s gonna miss the cat most.”</p><p>“I’m sad to see him go, but I understand it.”</p><p>“Right, well I’ll tell him you said hi, and I’ll see you next Friday. I plan on being a loyal patron to make up for poaching your best employee.”</p><p>“It’s the least you could do.” Mr. Delmar had joked.</p><p>Overall it hadn’t been the most heartwarming conversation he’d ever had, but it hadn’t been an angry father-figure with a loaded shotgun sitting on his front porch in a rocking chair either. Tony counted it as a win.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>As much as Tony had hated that Peter was going to be gone for two weeks because of the Decathlon and his gruelling schedule, he was grateful for the physical distance because it gave him the opportunity to develop some self-control and some perspective on the situation.</p><p>He had missed Peter and was over the moon to see his name pop up in his notifications, although the thrill had been short lived since it was a text for help and not just to say hi. Tony had briefly considered how weird it would be if he drove to D.C. for a casual drop-in. He hadn't needed Pepper or Rhodey telling him the answer to that question, but it hadn't stopped him from thinking about it.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t even known it was his birthday until he had received a text from Rhodey. Pepper, Happy, and his second assistant, Jarvis, were the only others who mentioned it, which was fine by him; he didn’t need some awkward cake on a napkin deal in the conference room to celebrate the natural process of aging.</p><p>The only other reminder he had of his birthday was an email from an ice-cream shop reminding him to come in for his free birthday scoop. He hadn’t even remembered signing up for the spam, so he unsubscribed. It was difficult to manage the delicate balance between not giving a single fuck about his birthday at all and wishing he had a reason to care about it, but he did his best.</p><p>He'd had half a mind to tell Peter flat out it was his birthday, so he’d have an excuse to spend time with him outside of the gym. <em>Hey, Pete, by the way, I just turned 41, and I’m twice your age… Feel like escorting me to the Burger King down the street, so I can stop pretending to be happy for half an hour and actually feel something? I’ll even pay...</em>  He knew that was a bad idea. It would have felt way too much like a date which wasn’t exactly a problem until he considered the boundaries he was supposed to be recognizing, and how lonely it would make him feel to have to drop Peter off at the end of the night. An outing that felt like a date but wasn’t would just make him more aware of all the things he was missing.</p><p>All of the emotions he’d been wrestling with for what seemed like his entire life had nearly come out when Peter sat two cupcakes in front of him. <em>Happy Birthday, Tony.</em></p><p>Tony couldn’t adequately describe how much he’d appreciated the cupcakes Peter had made for him. Such a small gesture, but so touching. Peter was so kind it was impossible. Despite how ugly he felt, he still tried to make everything better for everyone else. He hadn't even hesitated before pocketing the note even thought Peter had instructed him not to steal anything...</p><p>Friday was going to be getting a raise for her good work.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Tony had tried to hold back from grilling Peter all about how the Decathlon had gone and what he’d gotten up to in the past two weeks. <em>Do you have any idea what you do to me, Pete?</em></p><p>Luckily, Peter was becoming more open by the day, and gave him the entire rundown of the trip without any more prompting than <em>How was the trip?</em></p><p>“So we won, which was awesome, and then a couple of college scouts who try to talk to me every year came up to me, and they were all like ‘have you given any thought to your future, son’, and I said that I got accepted to NYU, and whatever, and one of them looked really happy, and she gave me her card and said a full-ride was on the table if I wanted it, and I said I’d think about it like usual, but then I actually did think about it, and I decided that I did want to go, and I told Ned about it, and he was super stoked. MJ too, and anyway, yeah. So I’m gonna be going to college, so if you’re absolutely positive that you still want me to work here, that would be so great because I need to start saving up rent money for a place in the city. MJ and Ned mentioned maybe getting somewhere we could split three ways which would be sick, but it’ll still be a little pricey, but I’m so excited which is really weird for me, but—”</p><p>Of course, Peter had blushed and apologized for babbling.</p><p>“Sorry. I know you don’t wanna hear about all that.”</p><p>He had no idea how much Tony wanted to hear all about it. All about everything. Tony had to work to wipe the stupid grin plastered on his face. Peter Parker completely owned his ass.</p><p>“No, Pete, that’s great news. I knew you’d figure it out.”</p><p>“Thanks for being the only one who didn’t tell me I was crazy for not wanting to go.”</p><p>“You don’t have to thank me for that.”</p><p>“No, I do, Tony. Hearing that it was okay if I didn’t go made me realize that it was my choice no matter what. I didn’t think about how anyone was going to react, and I didn’t think about my weight or anything; I just thought about what I wanted to do, and, I don’t know, I feel like you helped me do that.”</p><p>“Yeah, well. All in a day’s work.”</p><p>Peter had grinned and rolled his eyes. “Not gonna lie, though, being offered a full-ride played a big part.”</p><p>“If money was all that was stopping you, I would’ve just cut you a cheque.” Tony had barely said the entire sentence before he turned away from Peter and scrunched his face in defeat while he considered buying himself one of those signs that had a blank space before “days without incident”. He would’ve had to replace whatever number it was with a zero. Offering expensive gifts to Peter was definitely not something he was supposed to be doing.</p><p>“Thank God it didn’t come to that because there would be no way in hell.”</p><p>“Obviously. It was a joke. I knew you’d throw a hissy fit.” <em>Lie. </em>“I mean, maybe I could’ve flipped you a twenty for a textbook.”</p><p>“You do more than enough,” Peter had said. He had a way of cutting jokes off to turn them serious if he could detect Tony was deflecting just like he had a way of making jokes of his own to deflect from his own emotions.</p><p>In a way, Tony wished Peter could’ve just let the joke roll, but at the same time it was heartwarming to hear him turn down money, not because he didn’t think he deserved it, but because he was grateful for what he already had. Grateful for what Tony had already given.</p><p>Despite Peter’s apology for babbling, he had continued to recount his trip to D.C. in astounding detail, and Tony hadn’t had the heart to interrupt him to say it had been ten minutes since they’d taken the dumbbells off the rack, and they hadn’t used them for anything.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s chipper mood had come to an end after he hurt his ankle. Tony wondered if it was selfish to think that the fall hurt him more than it actually hurt Peter. Seeing Peter in pain was his least favourite thing.</p><p>Tony really had to work to control himself when Peter was going to pieces. Hearing Peter cry and call himself a loser made Tony’s heart ache in a way he’d never felt before. Hugging the kid and trying to be reassuring was the least he could do, but since he was trying not to cross boundaries or be inappropriate, there was only so much he could say.</p><p>Tony wanted to tell Peter how attractive and desirable he was and how much he wanted him, but instead he’d had to keep it PG. A hug and some reassurances had calmed Peter down, but Tony wished he could’ve done more to take Peter’s pain away. It seemed like Peter couldn’t catch a break, and Tony had the means and the ambition to improve Peter’s life, but not the right which was difficult for him to accept. The most he could offer was being a friend which he hoped was good enough.</p><p>He wasn’t going to make a single move until Peter did so first, and not just a cupcake or an energy drink but actual verbal confirmation. Tony knew on one hand that he’d probably be waiting a while since Peter was so shy, but on the other hand it was the perfect gauge because if Peter was able to work himself up to doing something that even people who had average confidence struggled with, then Tony would know Peter was ready. If Tony was the one to make the first move, then he would feel like he was inserting himself into Peter’s life—more than he already had—and then Peter wouldn’t work through his struggles on his own, but use Tony’s love as his own validation and motivation instead of working on it for himself. Tony wanted to know that Peter could stand on his own before doing anything.</p><p>Not that Tony expected Peter to be perfectly at ease and self-actualized before a relationship could be possible—that would’ve been awfully hypocritical of him since he was an adult and still had issues. If everyone waited until they were perfect to enter a relationship, the population would’ve died off ages ago. It had to do with Peter’s age because he was young, sure, but even if Peter was older, he still had shit to sort through and didn’t need the added baggage of a relationship at all, let alone one with Tony who knew he had a laundry list of his own character defects.</p><p>It had felt like a win to be invited to stay for dinner by May since it meant he was welcome in Peter’s life, but Tony got the impression that she was just being polite and Peter wanted to be alone. As much as he’d wanted to stay, he’d ended up leaving. He already felt obsessive enough and didn't want to hang around like a creepy third wheel, although that ended up happening again anyway at the birthday dinner Pepper and Happy treated him to:</p><p>“So how’s the kid?”</p><p>Tony had chosen to take a bite of his salad to give himself a moment to think about how he wanted to answer that question.</p><p>He had chewed methodically while Pepper stared him down.</p><p>“He’s great. Actually, he’s gonna be working for us starting July.”</p><p>Pepper had raised her eyebrows. “As what?”</p><p>“Reception.”</p><p>Tony had glanced at Happy to see if he had any reaction or input, but he was too busy eating spaghetti to care about the topic of conversation.</p><p>“You’re his boss now. That complicates things, you know. Some people will squawk. Claim nepotism.”</p><p>“It’s my company. I’ll hire who I want, and besides, it’s not like he’s some bum. He’s going to NYU on a full-ride…I’m pretty sure he’s qualified to answer phones.”</p><p>“Is he going to be full time?”</p><p>Tony had shrugged. “I don’t know. Little of both? Come September he might transfer to a different location or quit altogether.”</p><p>Pepper had shaken her head. “I told you. I knew it. You may not be dating yet, but you want to be. Don’t you?”</p><p>Happy had looked up at that.</p><p>“Maybe. Maybe not,” Tony had allowed. “Either way, I won’t be.”</p><p>“That’s right, because you just turned 41.”</p><p>“Thanks for reminding me.”</p><p>“Apparently you need to be reminded.”</p><p>“Do you honestly think it’d be that bad?” Tony had asked. “Happy, buddy, feel free to weigh in anytime.”</p><p>“Kid’s 17?” Happy had asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Pepper had supplied.</p><p>“When’s his birthday?”</p><p>Pepper had looked at Tony for his answer.</p><p>Tony had known the exact answer because of how many times he’d been in Peter’s file, but he knew better than to provide that detail. “August.”</p><p>“So, date him in August,” Happy had grunted. “What’s the big deal, Pepper? You heard Tony. The kid's not dumb. If they get together, they get together. Maybe we can finally go on a double date instead of whatever this is.”</p><p>Pepper had given Happy the dirtiest look Tony had ever seen.</p><p>“I’m not saying it’s right. I’m not saying anything, although I do agree with Happy about the double date thing. I hate looking like a throuple. Not really my thing.”</p><p>“When do we get to meet him?”</p><p>“I’m planning on bringing him on the retreat,” Tony had replied. “If he wants to go. You can give him one of your pep talks and it'll be great. I bet you'll love 'im.”</p><p>Pepper had seemed satisfied at that, to Tony's surprise. He'd expected her to put up a fight like she always did about everything.</p><p>“You like him a lot don’t you?”</p><p>“Is it obvious?” He hadn't listened to whether Pepper answered yes or no since he already knew the answer. If it were anyone but Peter, he probably would've been called out already.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>A couple more Fridays passed, and Tony controlled himself—no Louboutin or college tuition offerings. He was contented to listen to Peter go on about his successes with both robotics and band, and his most recent meetings with Val. Peter improved so much with his push-ups that Tony could no longer do five for every one of Peter’s. Mr. Delmar warmed up to him more with every visit—the generous tips he always left behind probably hadn’t hurt either. Everything was going well.</p><p>Then, Tony felt the familiar disappointment when Peter let him know he couldn’t make their next session.</p><p>“Sorry to skip another session,” Peter said. “I swear I wouldn’t if I had a choice.”</p><p>Tony had been about to ask Peter why, but then he realized. It was already the end of June. “You’re graduating.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Peter had smiled at that. “You remembered.”</p><p>“We discussed it at length. Of course I remember. You still nervous about it?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter admitted. “I mean, not as much as I was before, but you know, uhm, actually, speaking of nervous… Uh…”</p><p>“Are you like, busy on Fridays during the day? Because, I know it’s a lot to ask, and you totally don’t have to say yes, but we all get two tickets, and May is the only family I have, so that's only one ticket, and it would be super cool if you could come, but like I said, I understand if you can’t, or don’t want to, but yeah. Would you maybe be interested in coming to something like that?”</p><p>Peter had looked hopeful and terrified as if he’d honestly expected Tony to say no.</p><p>Still, Tony realized that Peter was becoming more confident, even if his words were divided by uh’s and um’s, he still had the courage to ask, and if Peter could do that, Tony hoped he wouldn’t have to wait long for a love confession.</p><p>“Sure, why not?” Tony grinned. “I’d be honoured.”</p><p>“Oh. Great. Okay, cool. Yeah. I have the ticket and info in my bag. I can give it to you later?”</p><p>“Sounds like a plan, Pete.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Graduation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter graduates high-school!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter had been dreading graduation for as long as he could remember, mostly because of how he feared he would look on the stage in front of everybody, but also because it signified the end of high school, and he had had no clue what would come after that. Now that he had a little more confidence to his name and a plan for the future, the dread had morphed into mild concern.</p><p>His gown was actually loose on him since he had ordered a roomy 3X a few months prior. His only regret was that he couldn’t retake the grad photos now that his double chin had been reduced to a one-and-a-half chin. His obesity would be commemorated forever for all of his classmates in the class composite. <em>Oh well, I guess there are worse things.</em></p><p>The best thing about the day besides easily fitting in the gown was the fact that his thighs weren’t hanging over the edge of his chair. The high school had a decent sized gymnasium and a fair budget for special events, but the provided folding chairs were flimsy, and the people who set them up never left enough room for Peter-sized guests.</p><p>Peter was used to having the people on either side of him scoot to the edge of their own seats to avoid touching, and Peter couldn’t blame them; he knew he took up a lot of space. It didn’t make him happy to be practically sitting in someone else’s lap because the chairs were too close together.</p><p>He knew he still had a while to go before he reached his weight loss goal—the chair still seemed unstable underneath him, so he made no sudden movements—but he decided to be happy about fitting on it. A non-scale victory. Peter liked having something else to focus on besides the number on the scale—having more energy and not feeling nauseated from overeating were among Peter’s favourites.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter trembled when the Master of Ceremonies announced that the graduates should line up in front of the stage. He fidgeted with the blue and yellow cords hanging around his neck while he waited for the line to move. Most of his classmates wore one cord, or none. He let himself feel proud of his academic accomplishments, and relieved that high school was finally over. It simultaneously excited him and terrified him that Tony was somewhere out in the audience sitting with May. He hoped the man wasn’t too bored. He also hoped May wasn’t spilling the beans about his crush, or worse, flirting.</p><p>Peter stepped onto the stage when his name was called, and he walked across it carefully to shake the principal’s and some of his teachers’ hands. The string on his cap was moved to the opposite side, he was congratulated, and then it was over. It had been so quick that Peter didn’t think anyone had even had a chance to notice him.</p><p>Peter didn’t expect to have to get up a second time when the academic awards were being handed out. He had figured getting the honour cords to wear around his neck was the end of it. He had been looking forward to sitting in his poor excuse for a chair in peace for the remainder of the event.</p><p>He blushed from head to toe after Ms. Warren called him up for the Excellence in Mathematics award. She hugged him in front of an auditorium full of students and their friends and family. Peter barely registered the scattered applause. He thought he heard MJ shouting for him to “get some”. He smiled vaguely toward the audience but couldn’t bear to look out.</p><p>Peter groaned internally when it turned out that he still wasn’t out of the woods. He got a special award for having the highest GPA in the class, and once again, he had to accept that the cords weren’t the award.  Every teacher looked so proud of him, and then Mr. Harrington walked up to the mic and said, “Peter, while we have you up you here, you might as well get comfortable because we got another one for you. But we’ll need the rest of the D squad up here, too.”</p><p>He was going to give Tony an earful for convincing him that nobody would be paying attention to him during graduation. What did he call this?</p><p>Peter tried to smile but his nerves were making him sweat under his gown, and the lights shining on him made him very aware that hundreds of people had eyes on him. He was grateful when MJ got up on the stage and put a hand on his back.  Ned stood on his other side. The rest of the gang filed up there, and Peter felt more comfortable since there were more targets for the audience’s attention.</p><p>Peter tried to zone out while Mr. Harrington blathered on for way too long about how talented and intelligent the entire team was. It seemed like he was up there for hours by the time he walked off stage with his plaque.</p><p>MJ looked pleased after she’d been praised for being an excellent team captain with Liz, but she still leaned over and whispered to Peter, “Figures the only award I get I have to share.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “You’ll get the Senior Thesis for sure.”</p><p>“You’re probably right.”</p><p>Peter clapped loudly when MJ’s name was called just as he’d predicted, and when Ned earned awards for Computer Technology and Robotics. He was relieved when he didn’t have to get up for the rest of the ceremony, but he couldn’t suppress his smile. He was still happy he’d won the awards.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>After the ordeal was done, Ned, MJ, and Peter found each other before they found their families. They exchanged high-fives and started discussing who had won what from the rest of their class. Flash was nearby of course, and because he had nothing better to do than antagonize Peter, he stopped to chat.</p><p>“Hey losers,” he greeted.</p><p>Nobody answered him, so Peter decided to extend an olive branch. “Congratulations, Flash.”</p><p>“Aww, you’re sweet, Parker. Maybe you can come to my party tomorrow. Since you’re the only nice one in the group.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. “I don’t know.”</p><p>MJ frowned. “Your parties suck, why don’t you just let it die?”</p><p>Flash ignored her. “Ned, maybe you can come too.”</p><p>“Okay, thanks,” Ned agreed awkwardly.</p><p>“Peace,” Flash said. He smacked Peter’s ass and walked away to wreak havoc elsewhere.</p><p>“Ugh, I hate when he does that,” Peter complained.</p><p>Ned and MJ nodded. “He’s sleazy. In his own way, I think he likes you.”</p><p>Peter grimaced and turned around to scan the crowd for May. He was surprised she hadn’t been on him like white on rice as soon as the principal ended his speech.</p><p>Ned’s parents found them first, chattering eagerly in Filipino. MJ’s dad showed up next, hugging her so tightly that Peter actually worried it might break a bone. He looked around for a frazzled May. When he spotted her, it took a second for him to process Tony beside her.</p><p>
  <em>Holy fuck.</em>
</p><p>Peter tried to figure out why Tony looked even hotter than usual. He didn’t think that level of hotness was possible. It had to be the suit. He was easily the best looking and best dressed person in the room.</p><p>“I’m so proud of you, babe.” May ran up and threw herself at Peter, squeezing him harder than MJ’s dad had squeezed her. “I can’t believe you won all those awards, oh but, I can! You’re such a smartie,” May said enthusiastically. “It’s amazing. Here give them to me, I’ll put them in my purse.” In typical fashion, she had brought a duffel-sized bag for the festivities.</p><p>Peter ducked his head, glad that his aunt was so happy for him.</p><p>“Yeah, you totally cleaned up out there,” Tony commented, hands in his pockets. “I’m impressed.”</p><p>“Nice suit,” Peter replied.</p><p>Tony frowned looking at himself for a brief moment before looking back at Peter. “Nice gown.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “I’ve never seen you in a suit before.”</p><p>“That’s right…well, you’ve seen the track suits,” Tony joked.</p><p>Peter figured he should shake Tony’s hand or something. Thank him for coming.</p><p>“Do you know someone here, or something?” Peter joked instead. He looked around to the room, pretending to search for someone.</p><p>Tony broke out in a grin. “Yeah you might know him. He’s about yay-high.” Tony gestured near the top of Peter’s head. “Handsome…He’s gotta be around here somewhere.”</p><p>
  <em>Handsome? Did he just—Handsome?</em>
</p><p>Peter watched May’s expression turn from happy to smug, and his traitorous friends looked at him with waggling eyebrows.</p><p>Tony turned toward everyone else and introduced himself. “My name’s Tony. I’m a friend of Peter’s.”</p><p>Peter beamed while he watched Tony interact with everyone.</p><p>“So, I don’t know if Peter told you,” May remarked, “but we’re going out to lunch—oh, Ned, MJ, where are your girlfriends? Are they coming too?”</p><p>Ned shook his head solemnly. “No, Betty’s with her family.”</p><p>“Yeah,” MJ added. “Liz says her dad just wants it to be them.”</p><p>“Oh, okay, well, we’ll all still have fun,” May said. “We have a reservation at Chili’s.”</p><p>Peter looked to his friends immediately with a glint in his eyes.</p><p>“Welcome to Chili’s!” Ned, MJ, and Peter said in unison.</p><p>Every adult in their vicinity looked at them like they were deranged.</p><p>“Chili’s it is then.” Tony looked at the other adults in confusion. “Am I missing something, here?”</p><p>Ned’s parents, MJ’s dad, and May all held up their hands and shook their heads. It was best to leave the teenagers to their own devices. Peter was glad to see his friends’ parents nodding at Tony in complete understanding. It meant Tony would get along with them all just fine. He wondered if that should bother him, that Tony was old enough to bond with the parents. Even if it should’ve, it didn’t.</p><p>“Boss,” MJ responded immediately. “All this winning’s got me starving.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter noticed Tony hanging back as everyone walked to the school’s parking lot. He decided to slow down and let everyone pass him so he could walk next to Tony.</p><p>“Hey,” Peter said. “Sorry I didn’t like say hi properly and everything or thank you for coming. I was just—there’s a lot going on, and I’m still kinda nervous from being on the stage. It was so awkward and embarrassing. I had no idea they were going to give me so many awards.”</p><p>Tony smiled. “It’s fine. You know, I knew you were a smartass, but I didn’t know the full extent of it. Seriously, buddy. Congratulations.”</p><p>Peter beamed. “Thanks, Tony. I should be giving you shit since you told me nobody was gonna be paying attention to me.”</p><p>“Yeah, that was my bad.”</p><p>Tony added, “I gotta ask, though. What kind of drugs are you and your friends on? You say the most absurd things, and then you all laugh as if it actually made sense. Explain.”</p><p>“They’re called Vines,” Peter laughed. “They’re short little video clips of people saying stupid stuff, or doing stupid things.”</p><p>“Right. I completely understand now.”</p><p>“I’ll find a compilation on YouTube and send the link to you…you can watch them, but I don’t know if you’ll find them funny. They’re really dumb, so most uhm, adults don’t really like them or get them. It’s like when I’m showing May a meme on my phone and she asks, ‘who is that?’ but they’re just strangers, you know? I don’t know the weird people in stock photos on the internet. It’s—I’m totally rambling and confusing you even more. Sorry.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “I can keep up.”</p><p>“Right.” Peter blushed. How was it that he could be so smart in school, but such an idiot when it came to making conversation? Especially conversation with Tony.</p><p> </p><p>The group reached the back of the parking lot where they’d all parked and waved to each other as they parted. Ned smiled and called out instructions. “Whoever gets there first, just say you’re in the party room with the ‘Leeds group’.”</p><p>“Fancy ass,” MJ commented, shrugging when her dad elbowed her for saying ‘ass’. It didn’t seem like his heart was in it though because he was smiling.</p><p> </p><p>MJ and Ned left with their parents first, and Tony remained with May and Peter near her Volvo.</p><p>“So, are you sure you’re gonna like Chili’s?” Peter asked. “I thought you had ‘exquisite and refined taste’.”</p><p>“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Tony joked.</p><p>“What? No way!” Peter said. “I mean because of—you probably like better quality food.” Peter didn’t know if that was rude to say. Tony was a big shot gym owner, and he had heard the man talk a bit about his finances before. He didn’t think Tony would want to go to a family restaurant.</p><p>“I think I’ll survive.”</p><p>May laughed. “Trust me, this is fine dining for us.”</p><p>Tony smiled, but he didn’t look like he thought it was funny. “Anyway, I’ll meet you there.”</p><p>“Ride with us,” Peter suggested. “We have room. We’re not gonna make you go alone.”</p><p>May nodded. “Yeah, Tony. Then we can drop you back off later.”</p><p>“Sounds fun.”</p><p>Peter grinned at him. “You can have the front seat.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter regretted giving Tony the front seat almost immediately. He felt like a child being driven by his parents while he was in the back. It was humiliating. May and Tony were having a conversation, but it was hard to hear over the radio. It would have been awkward if he and Tony had sat in the back, though. That would have made May seem like a chauffer. Peter thought about it alternatively. What if they had taken Tony’s car? If he sat in the front seat with Tony, that would make him feel bad for leaving May in the back like a third-wheel, but if May was in the front and Tony was driving, it would seem like the parent-child scenario all over again. Peter pouted. He couldn’t wait to get to the restaurant. His mouth salivated at the thought of bottomless nachos.</p><p>After that dangerous thought entered his mind, which seat he occupied in the car didn’t matter anymore.</p><p>Peter panicked. Wait. Infinite nachos. Special occasion. Familiar group. Oh no. <em>Am I going to binge? What should I eat? I’ve been doing so well with my calories. It’s been four months. Was it all leading up to this? Oh God. Tony’s here too, he’s going to see me eat. He’s going to see me fail. </em></p><p>Peter became unhinged in the backseat while May and Tony remained oblivious. He got his phone out and went to the Chili’s website. He obsessed over the menu. He visited his calorie-counting app and plugged in the numbers of what he thought he might order. <em>Maybe if I burn 500 calories later, I can just get an order of fries. I’ll get Diet Coke, too. That’ll save me a ton, if I don’t drink my calories. Shit. We’re here.</em></p><p>He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid not to have seen this coming. He should’ve planned his meal days ago, and now it was too late. He was unprepared, and it was all too much.</p><p>May went in the building first, Tony holding the door for her and then waiting to hold it for Peter. “You all right?” Tony asked quietly when Peter walked by.</p><p>Peter looked at Tony in surprise. Had Tony noticed the expression on his face?</p><p>“Yeah, totally fine,” Peter lied.</p><p>Peter led the way to the party room. He knew this Chili’s well. <em>Too well.</em></p><p>Everyone was already waiting. Peter took the chair beside Ned, right at the corner of the table. May sat across from him, and Tony sat adjacent to him at the head of the table. Peter thought it was fitting that Tony got to sit at the head of the table since he was so important. <em>I can’t believe he’s here. </em>He tried to focus on Tony’s presence instead of worrying about his diet, but being surrounded by pictures of food while he had a menu in his hand made it difficult.</p><p>“What’s good here?” Tony leaned toward Peter.</p><p>Peter was about to answer when Ned and May took over for him.</p><p>“Oh my God, Tony. You have to get the nachos,” Ned enthused. “They’re <em>unlimited.</em>”</p><p>“Are they now?” Tony smiled.</p><p>Peter wondered if it was weird that Ned knew Tony’s name. He had said it back at the school, but that was only once… Did Tony pick up on the fact that Ned knew very well who he was? Did Tony realize he’d been babbling about him to his friends for weeks? Shit.</p><p>“I have to agree with Ned,” May butted in. “Peter usually gets those and the bacon burger—are you a vegetarian?”</p><p>Peter cringed, putting his head in his hands briefly, completely withdrawing from the conversation. Like Tony needed a Greatest Hits of his overeating.</p><p>“Not a vegetarian,” Tony answered. “A bacon burger sounds damn fine.”</p><p>Tony bumped Peter’s leg under the table and threw him a quick smile.</p><p>Peter tried his best to return it, but he felt queasy. The more he thought about it, the less he wanted anything to eat at all.</p><p>He agonized over the menu, face flaming when the waiter came to take a drink order, returned with the drinks, and then came back for the food order, and he was the only one not ready.</p><p>“Just one more minute, please.” Peter grimaced. “Sorry.”</p><p>The waiter was polite and told him to take his time, but Peter felt silently judged by everyone at the table. <em>Fuck, pull yourself together. Jesus Christ. </em></p><p>Mostly everyone was talking amongst themselves, but Peter couldn’t concentrate on the words on the menu. Everything just looked like <em>too much</em>. Every appetizer had nearly a thousand calories, every entrée came with fries, and the calorie totals listed near every single dish just reminded him that he had graduated wearing a 3X gown.</p><p>It was all he could do not to leave to go to the bathroom and not return until everyone was done eating.</p><p>“Hey,” Tony said very quietly.</p><p>‘Yeah?” Peter sighed.</p><p>“Do you need help?”</p><p>Just like when Tony had asked him if there was anything he could do all those months ago when he’d wanted to binge, and then when he gently told him not to get too much because it would only make him feel lousy, Peter could tell there was no judgment or animosity. Tony was extending a lifeline.</p><p>“Uhm, I’m kind of worried about what I’m going to get…”</p><p>“Okay, Pete.” Tony nodded. “What are your options so far?”</p><p>“I really don’t know. I kind of feel like I don’t want anything anymore.” Peter bit his bottom lip to keep it from quivering. “I’m scared to order too much and binge. I—” He shook his head. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”</p><p>“Remember, your only options aren’t to starve or to binge,” Tony said. “Just take a breath. Remember that one meal isn’t going to ruin your progress.”</p><p>“I logically know that,” Peter agreed. “I just can’t do it.”</p><p>“Tell you what,” Tony said. “Just order exactly what I do. The bacon burger. Then, I’ll add the nachos to my order, and you can decide if you want them when they get here. It won’t be on you. It’ll be on me, and if you want me to, I can take them away no questions asked.”</p><p>Peter processed Tony’s words and wanted to cry. He was so grateful for the help, but simultaneously humiliated that he needed it.</p><p>“O-okay, thanks.” Peter cringed.</p><p>As soon as he’d agreed, Peter realized he had made a grave error. Ordering the bacon burger and eating in front of Tony would be a horror show. He could just picture how filthy his hands would get. He pictured a rim of sauce and grease around his lips. If Tony ever saw him like that, he would walk into traffic. <em>What else is there? What can I get instead? I—</em></p><p>But then it was too late. The waiter was back. Tony seemed satisfied, but Peter was once again reeling. He decimated his Diet Coke until his straw was sucking nothing but air. The waiter was about to turn away from the table to give the kitchen the order. <em>Damn, I’ll get him next time. </em></p><p>“Excuse me,” Tony asked, snatching Peter’s glass and holding it up. “Can we get a refill? It’s diet.”</p><p>Peter could’ve dropped dead. On one hand, it was so <em>nice </em>to be taken care of—if Tony hadn’t done that, he probably would’ve been waiting at least another twenty minutes—on the other hand, he was embarrassed at having been such a guzzle-guts.</p><p>“Thanks,” Peter said. “At least it’s diet, right?”</p><p>Tony quirked his lips up in a smile. “Relax, Pete. Give your brain the day off.”</p><p>MJ leaned forward. “I thought his brain has had the last four years off.”</p><p>Tony huffed. “And he still got a higher average than you, imagine that.”</p><p>MJ gasped, “How dare you. Standardized testing is not an accurate gauge of intelligence.”</p><p>Peter grinned because he could tell MJ and Tony were just kidding, but damn. Why was everyone around him so aggressive? He elbowed Ned beside him. “Is it just me or is this crazy?”</p><p>“Dude, I know,” Ned agreed, whispering quietly while MJ and Tony started some debate that Peter didn’t care about. “So is Tony like your boyfriend now? Because you did not mention he was coming.”</p><p>“Oh my God.” Peter leaned in so no one would hear. “Dude. No.”</p><p>“What? Kinda seems like it to me.”</p><p>“I invited him, but didn’t think he’d actually want to. I don’t know. We’re friends, but this is like next level shit.”</p><p>“I think he’s courting you.” Ned smiled.</p><p>“What?” Peter hissed. “No.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ned insisted. “Testing the waters. You’re acting super chill, though. He probably thinks you don’t like him.”</p><p>“I more than <em>like </em>him. You know that.”</p><p>“Yeah, but, Peter. He’s old and you’re in your prime. Maybe he thinks you want someone your own age, plus like I said, you’re being really cavalier about this whole thing. He keeps looking at you, but you haven’t said more than two words to him. I respect you, man. When Betty even looks at me I go braindead...I still haven’t kissed her.”</p><p>“If this is my prime, just let me die. I still have over twenty pounds to lose,” Peter retorted. “And don’t worry about Betty. You’ll get there.”</p><p>Ned shrugged. “You—” </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry, do you want us all to leave you alone before you start making out?” MJ’s voice suddenly rose above the chatter in the room.</p><p>“What?” Peter sprang away from Ned instantly. “Gross—no offense, buddy.”</p><p>“None taken,” Ned agreed.</p><p>Peter looked around the room for indication that anyone had heard what they were talking about. Ned’s parents were talking across the table to May, and Tony was saying something to MJ’s dad. Peter noticed that they weren’t arguing, so things must not have gotten too heated.</p><p>MJ joined in on the whispering since the parents—and Tony—were distracted. “What are you guys talking about?”</p><p>“You and Tony.”</p><p>“What, ew? He’s obviously capitalist swine. Very good-looking, though.”</p><p>“Hey,” Peter said indignantly. “He’s not capitalist swine. He’s a really fair employer.”</p><p>MJ laughed. “Wow, you’d really go up to bat for him, huh. You guys should totally date.”</p><p>“That’s what I was just saying,” Ned explained.</p><p>“Stop it,” Peter hissed. “He wouldn’t—”</p><p>“What are you three talking about now?” MJ’s dad interjected. “Maybe all of you should get a room.”</p><p>Ned laughed. “Peter was just saying—”</p><p>“Oh my God, stop,” Peter cried. “I’ll literally kill you.”</p><p>“My parents would avenge me. Right guys?” Ned joked.</p><p>Peter laughed when Ned’s parents just shrugged.</p><p>“I have to agree,” Tony added. “You three are like wild animals, giggling and whispering. It’s a wonder you even got through high school.”</p><p>“I usually just ignore them,” Peter commented. “It’s them not me.”</p><p>Peter turned back to Tony, noticing the refill that had come when he was distracted. He smiled when he noticed Tony smiling at him.</p><p>“What?” Peter asked.</p><p>“Nothing,” Tony said innocently. “Thanks for defending me.”</p><p>Peter’s mouth popped open. He looked to May for help, but she was facing the opposite end of the table and wasn’t paying attention. Had Tony heard everything? He tried to review everything he had said. All he could think about was the ‘capitalist swine’ part. He remembered mentioning dating him, but what were his words, exactly? Peter could have sworn he’d been whispering.</p><p>“Do you have some sort of spy hearing device?” Peter tried to joke and diffuse the situation. “You once said you tail me in the evenings, but I never did ask about other forms of espionage.”</p><p>Tony was about to answer, but then the food came, and Peter had to stop worrying about what Tony had heard and start worrying about what he was about to see.</p><p>“Before we start eating,” MJ began, “I just wanted to thank you guys for being my buddies.” She addressed Peter and Ned. “And to the caregivers, the elders, the bill-payers, if you will. Thanks for being dope and supporting us through this trying time.”</p><p>Peter and Ned looked around the table to see the amused and confused expressions on the adults around them.</p><p>“And, I just want to let you all know that I feel God in this Chili’s tonight,” MJ finished.</p><p>Peter looked at Tony to see his reaction. He was laughing, so Peter assumed the man had understood the reference or just found MJ wild. Either way.</p><p> </p><p>Peter started on his fries first, avoiding the obstacle that the bacon burger presented. He wanted to preserve his dignity and control his urges to overeat as long as possible. He eyed the nachos sitting in front of Tony’s plate and tried to delve into his own consciousness to decide if he wanted them. Would it make him happy or unhappy to eat them? Peter mulled it over while he tackled the burger.</p><p>It was as delicious as he’d anticipated and seeing that Tony’s was already devoured made him feel less guilty. He was allowed to eat and enjoy it. It didn’t have to be the big deal he was making it to be. He would have his treats and get back on track tomorrow. No restricting, or playing games, or feeling ashamed. It was just food, and he didn’t have to be scared of it. Progress didn’t happen overnight, and it wasn’t ruined overnight.</p><p>Tony moved the nachos in between his and Peter’s plates and gave Peter an encouraging smile. “What are we thinking?”</p><p>Peter’s entire plate was clear, and he was verging on full, but he wanted some chips. “I’ll have a few,” Peter decided. “We can send the rest down the table.”</p><p>“Right on,” Tony commented.</p><p>Peter nodded and turned away, but before he could turn completely May caught his eye and winked. Peter smiled at her, wondering exactly what she was thinking.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter was thoughtful on the way back to the school parking lot. Tony’s car was the only one there by the time they finished at the restaurant and drove back. Tony had paid for absolutely everything on his credit card. Peter thought that was nice of him, and he felt smug since it was proof that Tony’s expensive gestures weren’t indicative of romantic feelings. It was just normal generosity. He wished he had something to give back to Tony. Peter figured that Tony was an adult and could decide how to spend his own money, though. If that included lunch for strangers, then so be it.</p><p>Normally, he would’ve obsessed about what exactly Tony had heard from his conversation with his friends, but he wasn’t in the mood. The day had been stressful enough without him piling on useless worries.</p><p>“It was nice to see you again, Tony. Thank you so much for coming out to support Peter. It really means a lot to both of us,” May spoke.</p><p>Peter was embarrassed, but he didn’t disagree with May’s words. Despite his concerns and his jealousy, he was happy that Tony was there.</p><p>“Right,” Tony said, exiting the car. “I’m glad I could be here. But, before you go, just hold on a sec. I got Peter a little something.”</p><p>Peter perked up. <em>Another gift? </em>He exited the car and followed Tony to his while May waited.</p><p>Tony grinned at Peter. “I love that you love gifts.”</p><p>Peter flushed. “What can I say? I’m a simple guy.”</p><p>“Simple’s fine by me,” Tony remarked, opening his trunk and closing it with a wave of his hand after removing a large gift bag. He held out the bag to Peter who took it immediately.</p><p>“Can I open it now?” Peter’s eyes widened.</p><p>“I encourage it.” Tony leaned against his car and crossed his arms.</p><p>Peter looked for the card first before he got to the present, but there wasn’t one.</p><p>“I don’t do cards,” Tony explained.</p><p>“Right,” Peter noted. Tony hadn’t included a card with his watch either. He pulled out the first layer of tissue paper and smiled wide. “How did you know I needed a laptop?” Peter was dying inside. The beauty of the MacBook Pro in its sleek white box was almost too much. If Tony got him any other Apple products, he was going to look like a walking advertisement. He could live with that; it was better than looking like an advertisement for takeout food.</p><p>“The whole college thing.” Tony shrugged. “But they’re always useful.”</p><p>“Thank you so much. Seriously. This is…incredible.”</p><p>“You’re welcome, congratulations on being a brainiac.” Tony grinned. “There’s more in there, by the way.”</p><p>“More?” Peter moved the tissue paper and laptop aside. There was a pile of giftcards at the bottom. Peter didn’t even want to guess how much was on all of them. There was one for practically every store he could think of. He could go on a shopping spree, easily…buy something nice for May, and maybe even get presents for MJ and Ned. “Holy shit!” Peter exclaimed.</p><p>“That’s good?” Tony asked. “If there’s one for a store you don’t like, let me know. I’ll swap it out for something else.”</p><p>“Are you kidding me? This is amazing,” Peter disagreed. He set the bag down gently and moved forward for a hug.</p><p>Tony pushed himself up from his leaning position and outstretched his arms to Peter. “I’m proud of you, Peter.”</p><p>Peter squeezed Tony, forgetting how long a hug should last. He thought he might’ve embraced the man for a few seconds too long, but Tony didn’t say anything. Tony punctuated the hug with a clap on Peter’s shoulder. “All right. Until next time.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, okay. Bye, Tony,” Peter said in a small voice. “Thank you for coming, like May said…it means a lot, and then, you know, for everything at the restaurant. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you weren’t there.”</p><p>“Thanks for the invite,” Tony replied. “Although I can say with complete confidence that you would’ve been fine without me.”</p><p>Peter disagreed, but he didn’t say anything more on the subject. “Okay, well, bye. Drive safe.”</p><p>“Bye.” Tony walked around to the driver’s side of his car.</p><p> </p><p>Peter watched him drive off before he got into the front seat of May’s car.</p><p>“Did you have a good day?” May asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter replied. “Thanks for being cool about inviting Tony, by the way.”</p><p>“All that matters to me is you had a good time.”</p><p>“Definitely. No, it was great.” Peter sighed. As it always was when Tony was around, it was too great. Impossibly great.</p><p>“So what did he get you?” May gestured to the gift bag on his lap</p><p>Peter blushed. He’d heard enough after receiving the watch, so he was apprehensive to show off his new laptop and all those giftcards.</p><p>“A MacBook,” Peter revealed. “For college.”</p><p>Peter held his breath while he waited for May to lecture him about accepting such expensive gifts, and he prepared himself with the argument that he had paid a couple hundred dollars just for the lunch bill, and she hadn’t had a problem with that.</p><p>After a moment of deliberation, all May said was, “You know, Peter, you can deny it all you want, but that man is head over heels for you.”</p><p>Peter shook his head to disagree, but it was a reflex. For the first time, he genuinely considered the possibility that May, Mr. Delmar, and his friends were right. Maybe Tony did feel something for him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Degradation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter and Ned go to Flash's graduation party.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for unwanted sexual advances and bullying/derogatory language directed at Peter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter and Ned arrived at Flash’s party at 10, a fashionable hour after it started. Ned claimed that it was lame to be on time, but Peter didn’t care either way because he wasn’t completely sold on the idea of going to a party in the first place. Especially not Flash’s. Peter wouldn't have classified Flash as a bully, but he wasn’t exactly pleasant to be around. That being said, he was willing to put up with it for the sake of one last hurrah for his high school career and for the sake of Ned's romantic goals where Betty was concerned.</p><p>The plan was to hang out for a bit, collect a few memories that they could reminisce about for the next ten to fifteen years, and then go back to Ned’s house for a sleepover.</p><p>The two boys stood in the corner observing the party from a distance. Most of the snacks were gone and several of their classmates wielded red cups. From the looks of it, they were on their second or third drinks at least. Neither Ned, nor Peter was interested in alcohol, but they passed the time chatting about Ned's plan. According to him, it was the best time to make a move and kiss Betty like he and Peter had discussed during their trip to Washington.</p><p>Ned and Peter hung around for nearly an hour before Betty arrived. By then the party was in full swing. Peter chatted with the couple for a few minutes, before he decided to take off and explore the rest of the party. He told Ned he’d meet up with him later, like the good wingman he was.</p><p>It wouldn’t have been so bad if MJ had shown up. Even if she’d been with Liz, he would’ve had more people to talk to while Ned and Betty canoodled. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but Peter wasn’t bothered by it since it was his own fault that his love interest was an adult and had long graduated high school. He was happy for Ned.</p><p>Peter headed to the kitchen to get a bottle of water or a soda. A few of his classmates were hanging around the island in groups of twos and threes gossiping about who was at the party with whom and what they were wearing. Peter also heard a few scattered comments about who’d earned what awards at the graduation. It felt like that had happened ages ago, but it had only been a little over a day.</p><p>Peter sighed when he looked in the ice buckets and in the fridge only to discover that alcohol was the only thing on the menu. He was trying to guess which cupboard held the glasses so he could just get a drink from the tap when someone finally bothered to speak to him.</p><p>“Hey, Parker.”</p><p>Peter turned to look at whoever it was. He would’ve been able to pick out Flash’s voice more easily if the boy wasn’t slurring.<em> Great. </em></p><p>“Flash…in the flesh,” Peter greeted. “What brings you here?”</p><p>“It’s my house.” Flash frowned. “Duh.”</p><p>Peter nodded. <em>Obviously.</em></p><p>“I didn’t think you were gonna show up,” Flash commented.</p><p>Peter shrugged. “Yeah…special occasion I guess.”</p><p>“You’re not drinking. Where’s your cup?”</p><p>“I’m sticking with water,” Peter explained. “I was just trying to find a glass.”</p><p>“I suppose that’s best,” Flash smirked. “Booze has lots of calories…you gotta pay attention to that sort of thing now.”</p><p>“Right.” Peter tightened his lips. <em>Asshole. </em></p><p>“Where’s your sidekick?”</p><p>“Oh, Ned? He’s with Betty.”</p><p>“Aww. He ditched you?” Flash asked. “That’s not very nice of him.”</p><p>“It’s not a big deal.” Peter was a good friend and understood how important finally getting to kiss Betty was to Ned, and it wasn’t like they hadn’t discussed it. It was the plan.</p><p>“Don’t take it too hard. People get like that when you have something they don’t. I mean look at me.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “What do you mean?” If anything, Ned was the one who had something he didn’t. Confidence. A girlfriend—someone to kiss.</p><p>“Ned’s jealous that you lost weight,” Flash explained. “Now he’s avoiding you. It’s so obvious. You’re too nice to admit it.”</p><p>“That’s not true.” Peter stood up a little straighter.</p><p>“Face it, Peter. You can’t be friends with people out of your league.”</p><p>“Whatever. I’m out of here.” Peter eyed the door behind Flash, planning his exit route. He wasn't going to stand there and take shit from a Draco Malfoy wannabe.</p><p>“Hey, don’t go. I didn’t mean it as a bad thing… it came out wrong. Everything always comes out wrong when I’m talking to you.”</p><p>He was done with the party. MJ had been right not to go. Flash had always been a dick, but he had never bothered Peter about his weight before, so why now? Slapping his ass had bugged him, but it hadn’t felt malicious, but Peter felt uncomfortable about the whole thing now that it was combined with this negative attention. Once again, he was proven wrong that someone insulting him about his weight was a motivator. The only thing Flash’s words were motivating Peter to do was punch him in the face.</p><p>Peter made to walk past Flash. He didn’t have to put up with that kind of treatment. If Flash thought was doing him some kind of favour by giving him a backhanded compliment that also insulted his best friend, he could fuck off.</p><p>“Come on, don’t be like that Petey Pie. Don’t act like you don’t want me.”</p><p>
  <em>Ew, what in the actual fuck?</em>
</p><p>Flash moved closer to Peter and put a hand on his hip. He slid it all the way back to Peter’s ass. “You’ve never complained about this before.”</p><p>Peter flinched. “Don’t touch me.”</p><p>“You’re getting better looking now that you’ve dropped a few pounds,” Flash breathed. “I’d definitely smash.”</p><p>Peter cringed at the boy’s breath and his words.</p><p>“When you lose the rest, you might even be hot, Parker. Let me see under that baggy shirt.” He attempted to lift Peter’s shirt up and get a look at his stomach.</p><p>“Stop it, Flash,” Peter hissed. This time when Flash tried to stop him from leaving, he pushed him, causing him to stagger backward. It couldn’t have put him too off balance because he didn’t even spill whatever mixture was in his cup.</p><p>“What the fuck?” Flash demanded, his face turning from arrogant to hostile quickly. “You don’t want me to swipe that dusty v-card?”</p><p>Peter didn’t answer as he left the room, but he could hear Flash call after him. “You’ll always be a fatty! Get used to it, you’ll never find anyone!”</p><p>Peter didn’t look anyone in the eye as he left the party, but he didn’t avoid them either. Fuck Flash. Fuck everyone. Nice of them to even bother trying to defend him. High school was over, and he should have never gone to the party. Maybe Flash was right, and he had been too nice. He should’ve told him off on day one.</p><p>Peter slammed the door on his way out, walking all the way down the driveway and to the road before he stopped, realizing he had nowhere to go. The longer Peter stewed with Flash’s words in his head, the worse he felt. He stood at the end of the long driveway, fuming. He needed to text Ned and tell him what was going on so they could leave the party, but he didn’t want to ruin the plan. He decided to check in with Ned’s progress first before he made a decision.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, buddy. How’s it going with Betty?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So good Peter!!! We’re talking about<br/>
everything, and we kissed on the lips!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Where are you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wow. That’s awesome.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m outside. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Are you ok?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> I don’t feel good :(</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m with Betty in the living room, but I’ll<br/>
call my mom. We can go right now.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter felt better when Ned responded, asking if he wanted him to leave with him. Peter wasn’t going to make Ned leave Betty, but it was nice that he had offered. Flash was at least wrong about his friends deserting him. When he thought about it longer, he realized he wasn’t in the mood for a sleepover at all anymore.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>No, don’t do that it’s okay. I think I’m<br/>
too sick for a sleepover. You should stay here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What? Are you sure?<br/>
Is May coming to get you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, she’s on her way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sorry to bail, man. Idk what’s wrong with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Have a good time with Betty!!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don’t worry about it bro. I’ll call you tomorrow.<br/>
If you feel better, we can hang out then. :)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That would be amazing.<br/>
You can tell me all about you and Betty.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Yes! I’m sorry you’re sick, dude. :( </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Are you absolutely sure you don’t want<br/>
me to come and wait with you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yup! I promise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>xoxo</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter smiled at Ned’s last text. His favourite thing about Ned was that he was so unapologetically affectionate.</p><p>Peter paced, wondering if he should actually call May to come pick him up. He could call an Uber, but he didn’t really want to waste the money. It was way too far of a walk to his apartment, especially on a Saturday night. Peter didn’t know what to do. Even if he called May, there was a chance she wouldn’t answer since it was nearly midnight, and she was expecting him to spend the night at Ned’s.</p><p>Peter scrolled through his contacts, frowning at Mr. Delmar’s name. He had had his last shift at the deli only a few hours prior, so that would’ve been awkward. He scrolled further down, stopping at the only other name on his list who even had a car. <em>Fuck.</em> Tony had said the number was for emergencies, right? But they had texted since then to arrange swimming, and they’d texted while he was in D.C.. Did that mean it was fair game to call and ask Tony for help? He didn’t particularly feel like bingeing; he actually felt sick. Peter considered if this constituted an emergency.</p><p>He decided it was worth a try. Tony was his friend, and he offered rides all the time…Peter could ask a favour of him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hey, Tony. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know it’s super late, but if you’re still awake,<br/>
 can you please call me. It’s important. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thanks.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Peter stared at the message thread, praying to see the three dots that would indicate Tony was typing pop up. <em>Please, please, please. </em></p><p>Peter thought something was wrong with his phone for a split second when the screen blacked out, but then Tony’s name appeared. He was calling.</p><p>“Tony,” Peter responded immediately.</p><p>“Hey, Pete. Is everything all right?”</p><p>Peter hesitated. “I don’t know.” His voice trembled. “Uhm…I just—”</p><p>“What’s going on? Is this about—”</p><p>“No, it’s not that,” Peter responded. No, it wasn’t about bingeing.</p><p>“Are you hurt?”</p><p>Waterworks were imminent. Peter took a breath to compose himself. He wasn’t sure how to answer Tony’s question. Was he hurt? His first instinct was yes.</p><p>“I’m at the grad party,” Peter said in a rush.</p><p>“Okay,” Tony said.</p><p>“Everyone here is drinking, and this guy, Flash—” Peter took a breath. “He’s never bothered me before, well, that’s not true, but this is the worst he’s ever been, and I don’t—”</p><p>“Did he touch you?”</p><p>“Kind of,” Peter admitted. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“He grabbed me and tried to lift up my shirt,” Peter added. He wasn’t sure if that counted as anything. Flash messed with him all the time, and it had been annoying, but it felt different this time.</p><p>“I’m coming to get you,” Tony answered. “Text me the address.”</p><p>Peter was about to refuse the help and say it wasn’t a big deal, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He needed Tony.</p><p>“Thank you,” Peter said in a small voice. “Please hurry?”</p><p>“I will,” Tony said.</p><p>Instant relief flooded Peter’s body. He knew he was probably milking it a bit to ask Tony to hurry, but he wasn’t ashamed. What was stopping Flash from pursuing him to the end of the driveway—where it would be nobody except for them? Peter knew he was stronger from working out, but Flash had been working out for a lot longer. He started to wonder if he could take him on if it came down to a fight. Peter liked to think he could, but he was glad that Tony was on his way nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>Peter barely had to wait twenty minutes before Tony pulled up. He hadn’t been immediately sure if it was Tony because the car’s headlights were blinding him, but then the driver dimmed the lights, and yes, it was Tony.</p><p>“Thank God,” Peter said to himself, all but running to the car.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Tony asked as soon as Peter opened the door.</p><p>“I am now,” Peter admitted.</p><p>“That little douchebag is lucky I’ve had twenty minutes to cool off, or I swear to—unless?” Tony turned to Peter. “Do you want me to? Please say yes.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine,” Peter answered. “I mean, yes, but it’s not worth it.”</p><p>Tony sped away as soon as Peter had his seatbelt on. “Want me to call the cops, get the party busted?”</p><p>“Would it make me an asshole if I said yes?” Peter wondered.</p><p>Tony shrugged. “No, and I wouldn’t hold it against you anyway.”</p><p>“Maybe in a few minutes.”</p><p>“Are you all right?” Tony glanced from the road to Peter.</p><p>“It’s stupid,” Peter sighed. “I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. I’m fine. I just…my feelings were hurt?”</p><p>Tony frowned. “Did he say something to you?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter hesitated. “It’s embarrassing.”</p><p>“You can tell me, Pete. I’m not gonna judge you,” Tony encouraged.</p><p>Peter fidgeted, thinking about how to explain what had happened. When he said it out loud, it didn’t seem like as big of a deal as it had felt like in the moment.</p><p>“He said now that I lost weight he wanted to, uhm, well you know. Have sex? And I could be hot if I lost more, and just stuff like that.” Peter scratched his head, debating whether to disclose all of Flash’s ugly words. If he could trust anyone, though, it was Tony. “He said I would always be fat and wouldn’t find anybody after I said no.”</p><p>Tony was quiet for a moment. “Whose idea was it again for me not to go in there, because I’m really feeling like I wanna go back.”</p><p>Peter giggled despite how awful he felt inside. “Thanks for coming to get me, Tony. Seriously. I don’t know what I would’ve done.”</p><p>“Call anytime,” Tony said seriously. “I don’t care what for.”</p><p>Peter tucked that away for later.</p><p>“Are you sure you’re okay? Are your friends back there, should I be getting them too?”</p><p>“No, Ned’s good. He’s there with Betty, his girlfriend.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “I’m not complaining, but what made you call me, anyway? What about May?”</p><p>“You said to call in emergencies, and at the time, right after it happened…it felt like an emergency.”</p><p>Tony hummed. “He put his hands on you and talked about having sex with you, and you didn’t want to. That sounds like an emergency to me.”</p><p>“I tried to walk away, but he grabbed my arm,” Peter admitted. “He said he wanted to ‘swipe my v-card’. Honestly, it sounded more dumb than dangerous, but…it was just…yeah let’s just not talk about it.” He was more than embarrassed. It was humiliating to recount the details.</p><p>Tony’s gaze lingered on Peter for a few seconds before he returned it to the road. “I should’ve been there.”</p><p>“I don’t blame you for not being in my graduating class, Tony.”</p><p>“Yeah, well. I blame myself.” Tony’s lips quirked into a small smile.</p><p>“You’re here now.” Peter shrugged, “And that’s…super cool.”</p><p>“So does that like make me your hero?” Tony joked. “Prince charming? Knight in shining armour? That is going to look superb on my resume.”</p><p>Peter blushed. “How about all of them?”</p><p>“I can be your hero, babyyyy,” Tony sang obnoxiously, grinning at Peter after he was done.</p><p>“Stop,” Peter groaned. “If you keep singing, I’ll take it back, and you’ll be my nemesis.”</p><p>Tony pretended to zip his lips.</p><p>Peter laughed. He was joking, of course. Tony could sing him a love song any day of the week, even if it was in jest.</p><p>“So what’s the plan?” Tony asked after a moment. “Am I taking you home?”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said in surprise. “I actually hadn’t thought that far ahead. I’m supposed to be sleeping over at Ned’s.”</p><p>Tony frowned. “Does he know where you are?”</p><p>“I left pretty quick after—he wasn’t with me. I texted him from outside to tell him I was sick.”</p><p>“And he didn’t offer to come with you?” Tony questioned.</p><p>“No, he did,” Peter said. “I told him not to worry about it. I told him I had a ride.”</p><p>“Oh, okay,” Tony seemed to accept that. “Good.”</p><p>“Anyway, May thinks I’m staying at his house, and he thinks I’m going home, so…” Peter frowned. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“Have you eaten?”</p><p>“Not for a while,” Peter said sheepishly.</p><p>“Let’s grab a bite,” Tony suggested, “then we can watch a movie back at my place. After that, you can decide where you want to go.”</p><p>“Your place?” Peter blurted more for clarification than as a suggestion.</p><p>“I live in the city,” Tony responded.</p><p>“Wait, like Manhattan?” Peter asked. He didn’t know how he hadn’t put two and two together. Tony had said his office was in the city, so it only made sense that he lived there too.</p><p>“Yup. For a while now. Is that surprising?”</p><p>“But you’ve been—you drive to Queens? For exercise?” Peter could not believe that. He didn’t even know what to say.</p><p>Tony shrugged like it was nothing. “I like driving.”</p><p>“I should give you gas money or something, that’s crazy,” Peter suggested. “I can’t believe you did that for—” Peter didn’t want to say ‘for me’ because that sounded way too presumptuous.</p><p>“Don’t sweat it,” Tony dismissed Peter’s suggestion. “I wanted to do it.”</p><p>“If we go back to your place…” Peter tested the words out in his mouth, feeling like a true adult. He let himself pretend for just a moment that he was a romantic option for Tony and that <em>something </em>could happen. It always sounded so suggestive to say ‘back to your place’ and Peter enjoyed how it felt to say the words. “Would it be okay if I just stayed? I can take the couch, or the floor, or something. It’s just—it’s getting pretty late, and May would freak out if I came home in the middle of the night.”</p><p>“Like a sleepover.”</p><p>“Y-yeah,” Peter nodded.</p><p>“Sounds fun.”</p><p>Peter looked down at his lap to conceal his smile, and he realized that the backpack with his pyjamas and toiletries was currently in Ned’s bedroom.</p><p>“What’s the matter?” Tony wondered.</p><p>“I don’t have any other clothes.” Peter gestured to himself. “My toothbrush, everything is all at Ned’s.” Peter frowned. Now what was he supposed to do?</p><p>“Okay, we’ll sort that out.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Next thing Peter knew they were pulling up in front of a hole-in-the-wall convenience store.</p><p>Peter was considering sleeping in jeans because the selection at the store was dismal, but Tony held up a pair of pink Hello Kitty pyjama pants and smiled at him. “How about these?”</p><p>“Those are awful.” Peter grimaced.</p><p>“It’s either these, or this,” Tony said, holding up a plastic rain poncho. “Or you can borrow something of mine.”</p><p>Peter chewed his lip. There was no way he would fit into any of Tony’s clothes. Even if the man somehow had a stray t-shirt that was an XL, it was probably one that fit small.</p><p>Peter sighed. He guessed he was pairing the pants with the huge “I Survived My Trip to NYC” shirt. He took the pants from Tony’s hands and couldn’t help but return his grin.</p><p>Tony grabbed a basket and filled it with basically every men’s item in the hygiene aisle. Peter pointedly looked away from the condoms that Tony left on the shelf. While he was at it, Tony grabbed a few snacks too.</p><p>Peter followed behind Tony while he looked around. Tony turned to him and frowned since all he was carrying was the pyjamas.</p><p>“That’s all you’re getting?” Tony asked. “Don’t you want any snacks for the movie?”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter replied. “I only have like thirty bucks in my account.” He also had a hefty amount of gift cards sitting on his nightstand as well, but none of them were for this store.</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous.” Tony rolled his eyes. “It’s on me.”</p><p>“No way. You already came all this way. I can’t—”</p><p>“La la la, not listening.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “You said we were grabbing a bite, though. I don’t want to get any snacks if we’re eating after.”</p><p>“Suit yourself.” Tony shrugged. “But if you decide you want something later, I’m not sharing.” Tony gave him a devilish expression. “I’m nice, but I’m not that nice.”</p><p>Peter deliberated. He sort of did want some gummy worms.</p><p>“Okay, thanks,” Peter decided, reaching out to grab a package of the sour kind.</p><p>“Seriously, get whatever you want. It’s all going on the card.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter raised his watch to make it display the time, while Tony paid the exhausted-looking cashier. Tony turned at the same moment and caught his eye. Peter thought Tony seemed pleased, for some reason, even though he couldn’t imagine being in a good mood if he was spending over a hundred dollars on nothing just because someone forgot their bag.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>It was after 1AM by the time they were on their way to Tony’s place with a backseat full of bags. Peter had their McDonald’s order balancing precariously on his lap. Peter sat back in the passenger seat and exhaled. He felt so safe with Tony. Thinking about the watch brought his mind back to the laptop Tony had given him for graduation, as well. The man was so generous and thoughtful, and then for him to pick Peter up and let him stay at his place, too? Peter couldn’t fathom it. Peter wanted to tell Tony just how grateful was, and how much he meant to him. Not only because of the gifts and the money, but just for being there. Tony spending time with him was more valuable than all of the presents.</p><p>Peter couldn’t make himself say the words, though. He didn’t want to be so vulnerable just to have Tony say, “yeah, kid, I’m flattered you feel that way, but I was just being nice”. He thought there was a possibility that Tony felt something for him, but it was difficult to say for sure. Tony was so confident and mature, and Peter imagined that if the man wanted him, he’d be the one to make the first move.</p><p>
  <em>I like you so much, Tony. If you like me back, please just tell me.</em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Tony watched Peter closely to see if he was feigning calm. When Peter had called him, Tony could tell that he was on the verge of tears; his voice had wavered and broken throughout the greeting. That alone had been enough to put Tony on edge, but it only became worse when he found out that Peter wasn’t struggling over a food choice, and that some miserable little fuck was to blame.</p><p>He had enough composure to know that making a scene wouldn’t help anything, and he wasn’t above the law, so throwing hands with a drunk 17-year-old would do more harm than good and land him in trouble. Tony’s main concern was collecting Peter and making sure he was safe.</p><p>Tony could see how relieved Peter was when he pulled up to the house—he’d practically sprinted to the car. Peter kept repeating that he was fine, and that it wasn’t that big of a deal, but Tony didn’t believe it. Everything Peter shared about what Flash had said to him was awful, and that was without the added touching. Tony wasn’t sure why Peter wasn’t more upset. He was livid and heartbroken for Peter.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>After they went to the store, and then through the McDonald’s drive-thru, Tony thought Peter looked happy, or at least content. Tony was beginning to trust that Peter wasn’t trying to put on a brave face—maybe he actually wasn’t that upset. For whatever reason. He guessed it made sense since the only time he’d ever seen Peter cry was after he’d hurt his ankle. It hadn’t been the douchebags at the gym, or the tough go of admitting to his binge, or the sexual harassment…Peter was a bit of an enigma that way.</p><p>Tony hated that every time Peter needed him it was a direct result of something negative happening. The poor kid couldn’t catch a break, and Tony was really starting to fantasize about keeping Peter in his penthouse forever, so that nothing could hurt him, but he wasn’t that depraved. He could at least be satisfied with the fact that Peter always cheered up when they spent time together, so Tony let that be his guide. Peter didn’t have anyone else, and Tony was more than okay with being there for him in any capacity.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter seemed perfectly at ease while they ate on his couch in front of the TV, so he resisted continuously asking, “are you sure you’re okay?” Tony let himself ask once, and when all Peter had to say was, “Yeah, I love this movie”, he dropped it.</p><p>It was after 3AM when the movie finally finished, and Tony was barely holding onto consciousness since his usual wake up time was only a few hours away.</p><p>“Pete,” Tony tried to get the boy’s attention.</p><p>Peter looked at him, wide-awake like the teenager he was. “Yeah?”</p><p>“Are you ready for bed?” Tony stifled a yawn. “My soul left my body two hours ago.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry,” Peter apologized. “You didn’t have to stay up.”</p><p>“Don’t be sorry, my Saturday was dry before you called. You gave me something to do.”</p><p>Tony had been going over last-minute details for the upcoming company retreat and a real estate purchase. Tony didn’t mention that he’d also been pressing the home button on his phone to see if Peter had texted him. Not that he’d had any reason to think that would happen, but a guy could dream. He’d even considered sending a text of his own, but he couldn’t think of anything relevant to say except a reminder that Peter was supposed to start work at Iron Fitness on Monday, but how desperate would that have been?</p><p>Tony wanted to tell Peter where he’d be sleeping and which bathroom he could put his bags in, but if he sent Peter away to the guest room, that would be it. The night would be over.</p><p>“You can have my room,” Tony suggested. At least if Peter had a king-sized bed to roll around in, Tony could sleep better knowing he had made him comfortable. Then again, the guest room had a queen which was probably bigger than what Peter was used to. Tony liked the idea of Peter in his space though, his bed—even if he wasn’t in it with him. He wanted to make him feel welcome, truly let him in.</p><p>“Like with you?” Peter blurted. He turned red almost instantly, and Tony knew he had made the right decision to adore him.</p><p>
  <em>Yes. No. Goddamn it. What the fuck is wrong with you, Tony? Idiot. Pervert. </em>
</p><p>Tony could tell that Peter was confused as to why he wasn’t answering.</p><p>“Sorry, if you don’t want me to stay,” Peter muttered. “I can leave.”</p><p>Tony exhaled. Peter seriously thought he was so unwanted that Tony would make him leave?</p><p>“Sure, my bed’s big enough for the both of us, or you can stay in the guest room. Well, in one of the guest rooms. There are several.” <em>Not that I even need any of them.</em></p><p>“Oh.” Peter fidgeted, obviously embarrassed. Tony didn’t know exactly what he was embarrassed about. Probably everything.</p><p>He didn’t want to take advantage of the situation and have Peter share a bed with him, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to lose the opportunity either. Whether Peter was trying to hint that sharing a bed was what he wanted, or whether he was shocked at it being an option because he didn’t want it, Tony knew he shouldn’t do it. Peter was allowed to want him, but Tony wasn’t allowed to want him back. Especially not after the night Peter had had.</p><p>“It’s almost morning.” Peter raised his eyebrows. “We could just stay up.”</p><p>“You can do whatever you want, kid, but if I don’t sleep soon I might transcend.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter said, rising from the couch. “Same.”</p><p>Tony shook his head fondly.</p><p> </p><p>Tony headed to the master bedroom, and Peter followed him. It was settled then. He bypassed the elephant in the room—the bed—and headed straight for the closet.</p><p>“Jesus,” Peter breathed, trailing him closely. “Your room is huge. It’s as big as my whole apartment.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “It gets the job done.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll bet,” Peter remarked.</p><p>Tony switched on the light in his walk-in closet. Clothes and shoes lined both walls. Track suits and athleisure on one side, flanked by a shelf of sneakers. Suits and business wear on the other side, flanked by a shelf of dress shoes. An island with drawers held everything else.</p><p>Tony opened one of the drawers and pulled out a black tank top and some bottoms. Usually he slept naked or in boxers, but he had some self-control.</p><p>Tony noticed that Peter’s eyes were bloodshot, and the area under his eyes was a purply grey. It was definitely past their bedtime. He was getting ready to ask Peter if he was going to stand there and watch while he changed, but the boy seemed to become aware of the situation.</p><p>“Uhm, where’s your bathroom?”</p><p><br/>
Peter took off once Tony had answered that it was only a few feet away. He used the opportunity to change. Afterward, he sat on the edge of the bed, trying not to fall asleep while he waited for Peter to finish up in his ensuite, so he could brush his teeth.</p><p>Tony was thankful that he was delirious with fatigue, or he probably would’ve done something stupid when Peter came out of the bathroom in his new outfit. Tony loved seeing him in clothes that he’d purchased, even if they were objectively ugly. Peter looked so cute it made Tony’s head spin. Just as good as the first time he’d ever seen him. Tony lived for Peter’s blushing cheeks, and the cute way his hair swooped over his forehead, and definitely his ass. Tony knew he couldn’t say any of it because he wasn’t supposed to feel that way about a 17-year-old. Instead, he was able to manage a “be right back, Pete. Make yourself comfortable”. It was his turn to flee the room.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter said, walking around to the side of the bed that had an empty nightstand.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Tony got back, he was half hoping that Peter would be asleep. The boy was snuggled under the covers on the very edge of the bed, his eyes opening and closing like he was seconds away from passing out.</p><p>Tony turned out the overhead light and headed for his side of the bed. He could see Peter’s eyes on him the whole time, raking over his body, watching every move he made. It would be so easy to make a move and take what he knew Peter was willing to give. Suspicions and fantasies had been confirmed by his own observations; he’d explicitly heard Peter communicate his stance on the matter to his friends at the graduation lunch—he wasn’t that quiet of a whisperer—but he just couldn’t.</p><p>He groaned internally. Why had he put himself in this position? He felt like his actions over the course of the evening had only led him to this difficult situation. He could have just dropped Peter off at home, or at the very least had him sleep in the guest room. It wasn’t only the age difference now; Peter had just dealt with harassment and unwanted sexual advances, and Tony didn’t want to add onto the pile. It was the epitome of bad timing.</p><p>“Goodnight Tony,” Peter said in an almost whisper. “Thank you for everything.”                         </p><p>“Sweet dreams, kid,” Tony offered in the darkness. He could feel his heart hammering in his ears. He had only tacked on the ‘kid’ at the end of his sentence in some sort of lame attempt at deterring Peter from being attracted to him, or maybe as a way to remind himself that Peter was off-limits, but it never seemed to have its desired effect. It only made him feel guiltier, and it only made him yearn for a time when he wouldn’t have to say that. When he could call Peter sweetheart, or babe, or love. Anything besides kid.</p><p>“You too,” Peter sighed.</p><p>Tony guessed that calling Peter kid worked in making Peter feel like that’s all he was. Tony felt guilty for lying to Peter like that, but it was for Peter’s own good. Wasn’t it?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for whumping the fuck out of Peter every other chapter. It's how I... *checks notecards*... develop his character. </p><p>Don't you love when people think they're doing you a favour by "liking you", or they treat you like shit because they can't express their feelings properly, and then get angry if you don't reciprocate?? ((Like, sorry about your luck, Flash, but calling Peter names and slapping his ass, and being a douche isn't okay just because your parents are neglectful. And, Peter doesn't have to put up with it, and he knows that because he's becoming a confident prince.))</p><p>Also, the gratuitous Homecoming references??? I'd really like to know how much Tony saw when he took Peter's spidersuit and bought him that ridiculous outfit...the poor babe.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Attraction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter and Tony wake up together.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for some references to what happened last chapter, and some more explicit thoughts.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter hadn’t been able to believe it when Tony told him he lived in Manhattan because it meant that the man had been spending hours driving just to spend time with him which was a thrilling concept on its own, but then Tony had pulled into the parking garage entrance of the nicest apartment building on Park Avenue, and he had no choice but accept it.</p><p>As if that hadn’t been enough, when they got into the elevator, Tony pressed the button for the penthouse. He’d hovered his finger over a few of the other buttons and cheekily asked, “Which floor?” Peter had just rolled his eyes because he couldn’t think of anything funny to say in the face of Tony’s wealth.</p><p>The man lived like a king. The view alone excited Peter—he’d ditched the convenience store and McDonald’s bags on a random table and raced to the wall of windows. A perfect view of the Empire State building? It was sickening. Overwhelming. How did Tony not stay home all day and stare out at the skyline?</p><p>Tony’s place showed evidence of a quirky and fun side. Like the man himself, the penthouse was a perfect mix of professional and eccentric. There were pieces that were obviously designer and ones that could’ve been thrifted. The overall theme was pop culture references. There were framed vintage movies posters adorning the walls, shelves upon shelves of records and DVDs—Tony claimed that digitizing everything was overrated, and that sometimes you just needed to crack open a DVD case. There were weird sculptures throughout the space, like a glass skull, or a concrete UFO. It was so outlandish and wonderful. So Tony.</p><p>The closet had been a sight of its own, two walls full of designer clothing, and two shelves of shoes that Peter knew cost more than everything he and May owned combined. He thought back to when Tony had casually offered him a pair. Peter had been curious to see what the middle island held. Probably hundreds of graphic tees. He would’ve loved a full tour, but the man was dead on his feet by the time he even got to see the closet. Peter felt guilty for keeping Tony up so late, but probably not guilty enough.</p><p>Peter felt like he was throwing himself at Tony because of all the hints he had made about staying up later, and basically begging to share a bed. He had assumed he would be taking a guest bedroom, but then he had misunderstood Tony’s suggestion of him taking the master bedroom as sharing it. That had been embarrassing, but he’d decided to roll with it and propose that they continue the sleepover theme and share a room and a bed. It had taken all the courage he had, but it worked, so he wasn’t complaining.</p><p>He’d been further embarrassed when he’d left the bathroom in his new pyjamas only for Tony to glance at him with wide eyes before leaving the bedroom half asleep. That had been a blow to the ego, but Peter took it as a good sign that Tony hadn’t left the room gagging. Peter decided to suck it up and get into the bed. If Tony was interested, and if anything was going to happen, this little sleepover would be the time.</p><p>Instead, Tony came back into the room looking like a snack in the black tank top, and Peter realized just how ridiculous he’d been to try and tempt someone like him. Especially in pink Hello Kitty bottoms.</p><p>Peter’s confidence was nearly gone by the time he felt Tony’s weight hit the mattress. Tony turned out the lamp, and Peter had no choice but to lie there in the dark trying not to breathe too loudly. It was something he always forgot about until it was too late. Trying to fall asleep next to someone was so anxiety-inducing. Every movement, or breath, or swallow felt like it was a million decibels. Peter felt like Tony could hear every move he made. Didn’t Tony have like a fan or a noise machine, or something?</p><p>Peter tried to slow his heart rate. It didn’t help that he could smell Tony in the sheets. His entire apartment smelled delicious. Peter just wanted to marinate in it until the end of time. It was probably the worst time to get hard. Tony was barely a foot away. <em>Jesus Christ. </em>Luckily his self loathing appeared just in time to quash any sexual thoughts.</p><p>Peter spiralled in the privacy of his mind, playing back how he had had to decline Tony’s clothes because of their size difference. He had been stupid to think he had a chance with Tony. Sure the man went out of his way for him, was extremely generous, and maybe flirtatious? If he was even reading that right. And, Tony wasn’t stupid; he could probably tell how much he liked him. Tony must’ve picked up on the hints and ignored them.</p><p>Peter wasn’t that tired anymore now that his mind was racing. Thoughts of Flash and his cruel words invaded.</p><p>Peter sniffled and then cringed since he was trying to be dead silent, so he wouldn’t disturb Tony.</p><p>“You awake?” Tony asked softly.</p><p>Peter shifted from his back to his side in order to face the man, or at least he thought he was facing him. He couldn’t be sure if Tony was on his back or not. When he felt the man’s breath hit him, he figured that Tony was indeed facing him.</p><p>“I was dead tired before I got into the bed,” Peter whispered. “Now I’m wide awake.”</p><p>“Me too,” Tony agreed. “Maybe I’ll put a fan on. It’s super hot in here.”</p><p>“Yeah, cool,” Peter said, hugging his pillow closer. Peter had wanted the fan for the noise, but it was hot now that Tony mentioned it.</p><p>Peter could feel himself make the ugliest face when Tony turned the lamp on. The light burned. He watched Tony grab the remote for the overhead fan and turn it on full blast.</p><p>“Beautiful,” Peter commented, the breeze ruffling his hair.</p><p>Tony smirked. He sat on the edge of the bed for a moment. Peter took full advantage of his opportunity to stare. His desire returned when Tony hooked his fingers into the collar of his tank top and took it off. Peter’s mouth watered. He watched enraptured when Tony’s back muscles flexed while he reached for the lamp to shut if off again. Suddenly the king size bed felt way too small.</p><p>Just knowing that Tony was half naked a foot away from him was making Peter dizzy with need. He wondered what Tony would do if he just went for it. If he grabbed Tony’s dick and just started jerking him off. Would he roll with it? Would he be disgusted? Peter sighed at the thought. What would it be like to be with Tony? Peter already felt happy from spending time at the gym with Tony, and Peter wasn’t exercise’s number one fan, but just being around the man was enough to make it good. The thought of what Tony could make him feel with sex made him tingle. He bet Tony was fantastic in bed, and he wanted to be fantastic for Tony.</p><p>Peter fought it the best he could, concentrating on Tony’s rhythmic breathing and the hum of the fan, the cool breeze, the softness of the blanket, his steady heartbeat. He willed himself to sleep so that he could give his mind a break. <em>Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep. </em>Instead of focusing on what he couldn’t have with Tony, he focused on what the man had already given him. He concentrated on how nice Tony had been to pick him up and let him stay there. Peter realized that Tony didn’t deserve to have more expected of him. Peter concluded that Tony had done enough for him and wanting more was just being greedy. With that, Peter was finally able to fall asleep.</p><p> </p><p>Peter slept like a rock for a few hours, and then his mind started its bullshit of trying to wake up for school. Plus, the fan that had felt glorious a few hours before now had him shivering. Conversely, he could feel heat emanating off Tony just inches away. Had they gotten closer? Peter’s eyes were heavy, and he knew he’d be back asleep in seconds. He backed up closer to Tony to absorb some of that warmth and pulled the blanket up as far as he could. Peter fell back asleep before he even registered anything else.</p><p> </p><p>The next time Peter woke, he opened his eyes slowly, thinking that he was about to get a face full of sunshine through his own bedroom window, but it was still semi dark despite his watch telling him it was after sunrise. Peter shifted, perfectly warm and comfortable in the bed, as he became aware of his surroundings. Right, Tony’s bed. Tony’s arms tightened around him. <em>What? </em>Peter’s eyes flew open. Now that he took complete inventory of the situation, Tony had him in a vice grip. Peter’s back was flush against Tony’s chest, and their legs were entangled under the sheets. <em>Holy shit. Did I do this in my sleep? Jesus Christ, even unconscious I’m thirsty.</em></p><p>Peter breathed slowly, trying to stay relaxed in the position as he must have been before he woke up, but now that his brain was fully online, he couldn’t deal with it. He usually woke up hard in the mornings anyway, but this was a different type of morning wood. This was I’m-in-Tony’s-bed-and-he’s-got-his-arms-around-me wood.</p><p>Peter tried to fall back asleep, but that was a lost cause if he’d ever seen one.</p><p>Tony grunted in his sleep and his grip tightened further.</p><p>Peter had to use every braincell in his head not to turn around and go to town on Tony. All his pent-up frustration was rearing its horny head. <em>Fuck fuck fuck. </em>What if Tony woke up and kicked him out or discovered his below-the-belt affliction.</p><p>Peter prepared himself for extraction, considering how he could best escape Tony’s grip without waking the man up. He could go jack off in the bathroom, be done with it, and return to the bed. That seemed reasonable.</p><p>Tony shifted, his hips angling against Peter’s ass in a new position, and Peter realized he wasn’t the only one with a problem. <em>Oh my God, he’s hard. He’s hard and I’m hard. We’re in the bed together. What do I do? Should I do something? Should I wake him up with a blowjob? Ahhh. Why don’t they teach this shit in sex-ed? I’m going to kill myself. </em>Peter was about to make his escape when Tony shifted again.</p><p>This time the movement came with a voice, and Peter knew that the moment was gone. Tony’s touch disappeared in an instant. “Pete…uh, hey.” Peter pretended to still be asleep. That had to be the only way to avoid supreme rejection.</p><p>“Hmmm?” Peter stretched, rolling over carefully. “What is it?” He noticed Tony’s relief to see that he had been “sleeping”.</p><p>“Did I wake you up, sorry.” Tony rubbed his eyes. The blanket fell away, and Peter had a great view of the man’s chest now.</p><p>“’S’okay,” Peter mumbled. He didn’t know how to properly grieve Tony’s touch. That had been Heaven if Peter had ever experienced it.</p><p>Tony rolled out of bed and stood up, looking like a God as usual. Peter eyed the man’s pants and couldn’t see anything out of place. Maybe it had gone away. It was probably a fluke, nothing, Peter realized. How disappointing. Just a natural reaction to have in the morning and nothing to do with Tony finding him attractive.</p><p>Tony scratched his hair. The movement made Tony’s abs flex, and Peter wanted to cry. “I’m gonna shower,” Tony said. “You can go after me. This shower is best.” Tony proposed. “I’ll make breakfast while you’re in there.”</p><p>“Sure, sounds spectacular.” Peter tried to smile. He wanted to scream. It wasn’t fair.</p><p> </p><p>Peter left the room and roamed the penthouse since he hadn’t gotten a full tour. He went to the kitchen first to get himself a glass of water. Every surface was gleaming and topped with expensive looking appliances. It was much nicer than Flash’s kitchen, and Flash had always boasted about his incomparable wealth. Dick.</p><p>He revisited the living room and examined the records and DVDs more closely. He recognized a lot of the album covers from various shirts that Tony wore, and the same went for the films. He and Tony had similar taste which pleased him immensely.</p><p>Next, Peter peeked in one room to see that it was an office. Three sleek computer monitors, a keyboard, mouse, and a pile of folders sat on a streamlined metal and glass desk. One of the folders had what looked like a blueprint sticking out of it, and curiosity got the better of him. Peter flipped it open to check it out, but immediately felt guilty for snooping and closed it.</p><p>Peter sat down in the computer chair and twirled around a couple times, bored but perfectly at ease. Tony’s place was nice, and comfortable. He wished he could spend more time there, or at least be there because he’d been invited and not because he needed to be rescued. When he thought about it, it seemed like every interaction he’d had without Tony outside of the gym was because he needed help. The ankle, the texts in D.C., the ride from the party. That wasn’t the nicest realization to have, but then again, there had been the swimming, although that was technically in the gym, and the graduation, but that was a group thing. It was hard to know where he stood with Tony. How much of the man’s behaviour toward him was because he was special to Tony and how much was just because Tony was special?</p><p>He was momentarily distracted when a notification popped up on his watch to notify him that the battery was low. He didn’t have his watch charger with him, but Tony must've had one since he also sported an Apple Watch most days.</p><p>Peter sighed and opened the desk drawer to search for the cable. His eyes widened since the first thing he saw was the thank you card he’d given Tony on his last day of his lessons.</p><p>
  <em>He kept it?</em>
</p><p>He impulsively took it out to read. He wanted to see if what he'd written was as embarrassing as he remembered it. When he opened it, a small piece of paper fell out and fluttered to the ground.</p><p>Peter reached down to pick it up and frowned. A sticky note that said <em>Happy Birthday, Tony!</em></p><p>He couldn’t believe it. Apparently, Tony didn’t do cards, but he liked getting them? And birthday notes?</p><p>Peter blushed while he reread the card.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Tony,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I never thought I’d be able to do this in a million years, and it’s all thanks to you. I know we won’t be training together anymore, but I’m going to use everything you’ve taught me and try my best on my own. I don’t know what will happen, but you’ve given me hope. You’re the best, and getting to know you over these past few weeks has been amazing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Peter </em>
</p><p>“Oh my god,” Peter muttered. He shook his head at himself. The emotion behind what he’d written was plain to see, but everything he’d said was true, and Tony deserved to hear it, so he didn’t regret anything. The embarrassment from the situation was more directed at the fact that he’d thought Tony hadn’t cared, but the card must’ve meant something to him, otherwise he wouldn’t have kept it. It made him feel stupid, like he had no idea about anything. About how Tony felt, or what he thought, or what he liked. Peter tucked the note back into the card and shut the drawer again.</p><p>He’d barely started to rise from the chair to continue his search when Tony appeared in the doorway looking impeccable post-shower.</p><p>“What are you up to?” Tony raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said sheepishly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to look through anything. I mean, I guess I kinda did. I need a charger for my phone and watch.”</p><p>Tony grinned. “Sure, give me the watch. I’ll get you set up.”</p><p>Peter undid the band and handed the device to Tony. “Uhm, my phone is on the coffee table. Sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be.”</p><p>“Uhm, I guess I’ll go shower now?”</p><p>“I saved you some hot water.”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“Oh, and Peter?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“If you need anything else just ask.”</p><p>“O-okay.” Peter nodded. <em>Anything like what? </em>“Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter made his way to the bathroom. His new toothbrush and the cute travel-sized toothpaste were already on the counter from the night before, but he hadn’t touched the bags that contained the rest of his spoils. His tiny toothbrush looked comical next to Tony’s futuristic electric toothbrush with its own charging pod and his tray of fancy skincare items.</p><p>He set out everything on the counter, laughing to himself about the package of razors that he probably wouldn’t need for fifteen more years. Mostly everything in the bag was useless, and Peter realized he probably should’ve told Tony all he needed was a couple things. For all the good that razors, shaving cream, bandages, and three different types of deodorant would do him, Tony might as well have thrown in the condoms. He could’ve just borrowed a bit of body wash because even if the products Tony used were expensive, using a dab or two would probably be less than buying marked up products from a convenience store. Peter knew Tony didn’t care about the money, and probably didn’t find him gross, otherwise he wouldn’t have let him share a bed, or use his shower, so maybe it was for his own sake? Maybe Tony just liked providing. Peter found the thought endearing.</p><p>Peter hadn’t gotten anywhere near enough sleep to satisfy him, but the shower made it worth it. Entering the already steamy shower and turning on the faucet, only to be immediately provided with hot water made Peter feel oddly close to Tony. They were in the same place, doing the same thing only missing each other by a few minutes. Peter obsessed over it while he stood under the water.</p><p>He perused Tony’s shower products, figuring he might as well resume his snooping since he had a valid excuse being that he was in the shower. He inhaled the lingering scent of Tony as deeply as he could.</p><p>When Peter wrapped a hand around his cock, finally satisfying the urge he’d been fighting for hours, he wondered if Tony had relieved himself in the same way only moments earlier. That thought alone was enough to make Peter fully hard, but he couldn’t resist compiling all of the little moments he’d had with Tony in less than twenty-four hours. The touches, the sly glances, the smirks, the body, the card, and the note he’d kept…</p><p>Peter continued his fantasy of Tony purposely pressing his erection against him. In his mind, Peter turned around and got to work, sucking Tony off. In a perfect world, he would’ve let Tony have his way and do whatever he wanted to, but that wasn’t a fantasy he could handle. Thinking about taking care of Tony was better fuel for his dirty mind. It was nothing to build up the thoughts while he stroked himself in tandem. He came harder than he'd ever had with Tony’s scent surrounding him and the phantom feel of his body on his. Peter leaned his head back under the spray with his mouth open in ecstasy. The hot water filling his mouth mostly emulated what he wanted Tony to do to him, and that was enough.</p><p>Peter finished up quickly after that, reluctantly changing back into his dirty clothes after the shower. The idea of being able to wear Tony’s clothes if the occasion ever arose again would provide him with enough motivation to keep going with his weight loss journey indefinitely.  </p><p>The finishing touch on his look was a couple spritzes of Tony’s cologne.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Tony greeted when Peter entered the kitchen.</p><p>Peter smiled awkwardly, trying to remember that as far as Tony knew, the sleep-induced embrace was his little secret.</p><p>“Hey,” Peter said, sitting down on a stool and leaning forward on the counter.</p><p>Tony set down a coaster and a glass of water.</p><p>“Thanks.” He was parched from drinking hot water in the shower...</p><p>“I’m making omelettes,” Tony announced.</p><p>“Right on.” Peter tucked his lips into a smile and nodded his approval. He had never felt so awkward in his life. It was like he was enduring the morning of shame or the morning after, or whatever sexually active people liked to call it, and he hadn’t even had sex. It wasn’t fair. He felt like he should have at least gotten something for his troubles if it was going to be awkward anyway. <em>Something like seeing Tony naked? </em></p><p>As soon as he thought that, he remembered blabbering to Tony about how Flash had wanted to take his virginity.</p><p><em>Oh my God. No fucking wonder he isn’t interested. Why would someone like Tony want a fat virgin? </em>He figured he must have repressed it during his little burst of confidence. Otherwise he probably would have never been so forward as to ask to sleep in Tony’s bed. Peter wondered if he really was getting more confident, or maybe it was sleep deprivation and thinking with the wrong head. <em>I don’t think Tony is shallow, though…it’s possible he could like me, isn’t it? Ughhh.</em></p><p>“I wanted to tell you.” Tony waved a spatula erratically in the air while he spoke. “I’ve never seen anyone pull off Hello Kitty pyjama pants before.” Tony shrugged. “Yeah. You look great, Pete. Thought you should know.”</p><p>Peter’s throat tightened. <em>Natural selection is making my own throat choke me. </em>Tony had just complimented him. On his <em>body. </em>Wait, was that a compliment about his body, or the silly outfit, or—? Why would Tony think he looked great in that ridiculous outfit? Plus he’d called him handsome at graduation. Was he in an alternate reality? Tony definitely wasn’t mocking him. Peter’s head was spinning with all the back and forth of <em>he loves me, he loves me not.</em> Maybe it would be prudent to use his last thirty dollars to buy some flowers to pick the petals off.</p><p>“Thanks, Tony. You’re not looking so bad yourself.”</p><p>Tony’s smile expanded. “I make it look easy.”</p><p>Peter grinned. He didn’t understand how someone who sounded like a cocky asshole could be so lovable, but Tony had perfected it.</p><p>“I’m like 217 or something like that,” Peter admitted. “It’s not that great, but you know, it’s better.”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “That’s amazing. Good for you.”</p><p>“Yeah, right,” Peter argued. “I still have a whole layer of fat on me.” <em>It’s why you wouldn’t do anything with me.</em></p><p>Tony sighed. “You should give yourself more credit.”</p><p>Peter sipped his water.</p><p>Tony turned back to the stove, rescuing the omelette before it could burn. “And besides,” Tony continued. “What do I say about the number on the scale?”</p><p>“It’s not the most important thing,” Peter sing-songed.</p><p>“Got it in one,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter smiled. He knew Tony was right, but sometimes he liked messing with him for the sake of it.</p><p>“Admittedly, I’m not the best cook, so if it’s inedible, we can go out to eat,” Tony offered while he set a plate in front of Peter.</p><p>“Please, I eat May’s cooking. Don’t insult me.”</p><p>The presentation left something to be desired, but Peter thought it tasted fine. It was no McGriddle, but it was tasty in its own right—the right being that Tony made it for him.</p><p>Peter was nowhere near as uncomfortable eating with Tony at his breakfast nook as he’d been at Chili’s. It was simultaneously more casual and more intimate. Being one on one with Tony was something Peter knew well from months of experience. His debacle at the restaurant after graduation been exacerbated because of his lingering anxiety from being on stage, and the prospect of being with Tony in a group setting—he was one person with his friends, one person with May, one person with his teachers, and the same went with Tony. It was a reality of social interaction that you highlighted certain personality traits with certain people and downplayed others with different people. He wasn’t used to interacting with his friends, their parents, May, and Tony all at the same time, and it was nerve wracking. Being alone with Tony was more comfortable.</p><p>“So, tomorrow’s the big day,” Peter spoke.</p><p>“That’s right,” Tony mused. “Bucky is going to be absolutely thrilled. Everyone there is tired of having to fill in at the desk.”</p><p>“He already threatened that he’s going to use my new position to his advantage and bug the absolute shit out of me.”</p><p>“Sounds like him.”</p><p>“At the risk of sounding incredibly biased,” Tony added with a smirk, “it’ll be great for you and great for business. Everyone loves you, so any customers coming in won’t have a choice but to sign up for a platinum membership.”</p><p>“Stop,” Peter ducked his head.</p><p>“Hey, you got me to train you, and you didn’t even do anything,” Tony reminded him. “Imagine if you actually tried to get people to do stuff? Nobody would stand a chance once you hit them with those baby browns.”</p><p>Peter avoided the compliment by collecting both his and Tony’s dishes and putting them in the sink.</p><p>“You know, if you want a week of summer break to yourself, you can start next Monday,” Tony offered.</p><p>Peter scrunched up his face. “No way. I gotta start making some major coin for school.”</p><p>“I guess,” Tony sighed. “Rent is pretty expensive.”</p><p>“You should know,” Peter joked. “You collect it.”</p><p>“Hey, you’re not starting to side with your friend that I’m capitalist swine, are you?”</p><p>“Mmm,” Peter deliberated. Ah, a reminder that Tony probably knew about his feelings because of his big mouth and his inability to whisper. “No. You’re good.”</p><p>“I’m so flattered.” Tony rolled his eyes.</p><p>Peter smiled. “Seriously, though. It’s not gonna be that bad. My tuition will be covered, so I just need textbooks. I would’ve needed a laptop, too, but thanks to you, that’s crossed off the list. Then, I’ll be splitting rent with Ned and MJ, so even if we get a place in a nice neighbourhood, we’ll be sharing the costs. Then, when it comes to like stuff for the apartment, May’s gonna be hooking me up, and there’s thrift stores, and the giftcards that you gave me, so I’m not worried at all. I mean, I sort of am, but mostly I’m excited.”</p><p>“Well, you’re welcome,” Tony said. “If you need help I can,” Tony frowned, “um, I can steer you away from the dumps and the slumlords, or you know, point you in the direction of buildings worth your time. I know which ones have bugs and which ones don’t.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “Actually, that would be helpful. I know nothing about apartment hunting.”</p><p>“What are you even going to school for?” Tony asked. “Rather, what’s your major?”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. “Chemical and Biomolecular Engineering.”</p><p>“Jesus.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. It wasn’t that big of a deal.</p><p>“They even have programs for that at NYU?”</p><p>“Yeah, well, I’ll be going to the engineering campus in Brooklyn. Same with Ned for his computer engineering.”</p><p>“And the anti-capitalist?” Tony wondered.</p><p>“Oh,” Peter huffed. “It’s too complicated to even say. She has like a whole ten-year plan about it. Next time you see her, you should ask her about it.”</p><p>“I will. I’m intrigued now.”</p><p>Peter decided to change the subject back to work. “But yeah,” Peter said. “It’s gonna be perfect working at the gym. I’ll be around people with mostly the same goals, people who might have the same problems with food that I have, and I’ll be able to get in a workout every time I have a shift.”</p><p>“Plus, you get to come to the Stark Retreat.” Tony’s eyes sparkled. “It’s in less than three weeks.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Peter raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“Yep, it’s a big hit. I haven’t always had the compound, or resort, spa, whatever you wanna call it, but this is the third year. Four days of relaxation. Hot tub, indoor and outdoor pools, massages, hiking trails…it’s a nice getaway. You'll love it.”</p><p>Peter resisted grinning like a loon. He wanted to play it cool, and really, he had no idea if the Stark Retreat was even something to be excited about. It was probably just going to be a bunch of health nuts from all the Iron Fitness locations grouping together like a cult and meal prepping organic produce. There would probably be weird “fun” exercises and awkward group activities to go along with the hot tub and the massages. At least Tony would be going, and at least Tony wanted him there. That was enough of a reason to go.</p><p>“Stop thinking so hard,” Tony huffed. “You’re giving me a headache.”</p><p>Peter snapped out of it. He wanted to tell Tony that he was thinking about him, so technically it was Tony’s fault he was thinking so much, and therefore his own fault that he had a headache.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>After the breakfast-lunch, Peter went to check on his electronics, and to see if Ned had called like he’d said he would. He panicked when he saw a ton of notifications from both Ned and MJ. He scanned through them quickly to see if any of them mentioned May or her knowing he wasn’t with Ned. To Peter’s relief, all the messages were Ned’s excited retelling of what happened after he left the party, and MJ asking how the party had been in general. She and Ned were both at Ned’s house waiting on him. He also had a text from May telling him good morning and to call when he was done at Ned’s so she could pick him up.</p><p>Peter hadn’t expected that he’d be spending the entire day with Tony, but it was still disappointing to have to return to his regular scheduled programming. He was eager to see Ned and MJ for a hangout, but he had no idea if he’d get the chance to be in Tony’s space again, and he wasn’t happy about having to leave so soon.</p><p>“What’s up?” Tony wondered.</p><p>“Oh,” Peter sighed. “Just my friends. They’re wondering if I feel up to coming over to hang out.”</p><p>“Are you?”</p><p>“I guess,” Peter admitted. It would probably be fun once he got there, and they could get a head start on apartment hunting since they’d all be together and could browse internet ads.</p><p>“You can stay here,” Tony said. “I’m not doing anything.”</p><p>That sounded like a dream, but Peter already felt bad for ditching Ned. “That’s okay, Tony. I really appreciate it, but I should go. I’ve already put you out enough.”</p><p>“I disagree, but okay. Where am I taking you?” Tony wondered.</p><p>Peter’s reply of telling Tony he could get an Uber didn’t come to the surface as quickly as it usually did. Instead, he asked if Tony would mind dropping him off at Ned’s.</p><p>He looked around like he had stuff to bring with him, but all he had was the clothes on his back, dirty pyjamas, and the bags of stuff Tony had bought for him.</p><p>“You can leave the bags,” Tony suggested. “For next time.”</p><p>“Next time?” Peter blurted. He wasn’t planning on getting harassed by Flash anytime soon. Would Tony want to do this again without being forced into it?</p><p>Tony shrugged. “As you can see, I got plenty of room here. You can stay over again sometime.”</p><p>“Right,” Peter agreed. “Well, maybe next time it can be planned.” He didn’t say that if the sleepover they had next was planned, he could just bring his own pyjamas and toiletries. Mostly because as he thought it, he considered how nice it felt to have special items for staying with Tony. He also considered how nice it was that Tony wanted him to come back.</p><p>“I insist on it,” Tony said seriously.</p><p>Peter ducked his head. Tony was obviously on the same page about not liking how the night had come to pass, but glad that it had turned out okay.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure you remember since your big brain never shuts off,” Tony began, “but as your boss, I have to tell you. Don’t forget work tomorrow.”</p><p>“Don’t remind me,” Peter joked. “First day of summer, and I have to get up in the middle of the night to go sit at a desk.”</p><p>“Middle of the night? The shift starts at 7,” Tony scoffed.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s what I said.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “You know it’s not too late for you to renege and go ask Mr. Delmar to take you back.”</p><p>“Stop,” Peter complained. “You’re tempting me.”</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Tony joked. “Anyway, tardiness will not be tolerated, and you must adhere to the dress code.”</p><p>“Jogging pants?”</p><p>“Yes, smartass. Carol will get you set up with your very own Iron Fitness swag. You’ll fit right in.”</p><p>“Oh no,” Peter said. “This has all been an elaborate ruse, hasn’t it?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You’re inducting me into your cult, aren’t you? After I put on that uniform polo, I’ll be one of you, and then I can never leave.”</p><p>“Shit. What gave it away?”</p><p>“You own a compound, for ‘retreats’.” Peter air quoted.</p><p>Tony laughed harder than Peter had ever heard, and then he was laughing too.</p><p>“Okay, get out of here before you kill me.” Tony wiped tears his eyes.</p><p>“I should be saying that to you,” Peter said pointedly.</p><p>Peter ended up leaning over to Tony’s side of the car to give him a hug goodbye just as Tony started to lean toward him.</p><p>“I’ll see you sometime this week?” Peter asked hopefully. “I don’t know what my shifts are on Fridays yet.”</p><p>“Definitely sometime this week,” Tony agreed. “I’ll amend the schedule myself if Carol gets any funny ideas about making you work weird hours.”</p><p>“Thanks, Tony. In a weird way, this turned out to be the best weekend ever. No offense, obviously, just like you know, Flash and everything.”</p><p>“I get it. I had a good time too.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter sighed. He always hated when his time with Tony came to an end. “Bye.”</p><p>“Have fun.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter didn’t have to figure out a way to bring up everything to Ned and MJ because the first thing they said when he arrived was, “Why were you with Tony?”</p><p>Peter turned bright red. “Well, uh. That’s a great question. Um—”</p><p>“Wait, is that why you ditched the party?” Ned asked.</p><p>“I can explain,” Peter said. “It’s not what you think.”</p><p>“So you really were sick?” Ned asked.</p><p>“No,” Peter admitted. “It’s a long story, kind of. Not really, but I can explain.”</p><p>MJ and Ned didn’t look impressed, but they seemed willing to listen.</p><p> </p><p>Peter started explaining as soon as they were in the privacy of Ned’s bedroom. “So right after you and Betty went off—which I want to hear all about, by the way, the texts were kind of confusing—I went to the kitchen.”</p><p>“Wow, sounds scandalous,” MJ mocked.</p><p>Peter ignored the comment. “Flash was there, and he started getting all handsy like he always does, except this wasn’t just a slap on the ass. He grabbed me and called me names and stuff. He wanted to have sex with me. Which beyond the gross and creepy vibes means that this whole time, like the whole time he was being a dick to me, he had a crush on me. Which is fucked for a lot of reasons.”</p><p>“Oh shit,” MJ said. “Dude. Are you okay?”</p><p>“Oh my God, Peter. I’m so sorry,” Ned apologized. “I should’ve left with you. I had no idea that happened, and oh my God, I asked you if you really were sick. I’m such a jerk.”</p><p>“No, guys, seriously. Stop. I was kind of a dick just leaving without explaining, and I sort of lied about May being the one to get me…obviously Tony was the one to—"</p><p>“You slept with Tony, didn't you?”</p><p>“I did not sleep with Tony. I slept at his apartment, well, penthouse, I guess. Next to him.”</p><p>“Holy shit.” Ned put a hand to his chest. “I thought kissing Betty was a big deal.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, you’ll get there,” MJ said.</p><p>“Anyway,” MJ added, “that’s super creepy…he asked you to sleep in his bed after you were sexually harassed?”</p><p>“No,” Peter put a hand on his head, “no, I was the one who suggested it. He was going to drop me off at home, and then I wanted to stay with him, and he offered me the guest bedroom, but I didn't take it. Tony isn’t creepy. He didn’t try a single thing.” Peter tried not to sound disappointed, but he didn’t succeed.</p><p>“Okay,” MJ accepted the explanation. “Good. I mean, that would’ve been shitty timing on his part.”</p><p>Peter nodded. Actually, that made perfect sense. Of course. He had thought he was crazy, gathering all of the signs and hints that indicated Tony was interested in him romantically only to practically throw himself at the man and be rejected. It wasn’t because Tony thought he was a virginal loser, it was that he was so caring and considerate that he realized it would be wrong to make a move when he was so vulnerable. Peter wished he could go back in time and scream at Tony that he wasn’t vulnerable, and that Flash would never be able to affect how safe he felt with him. He was so grateful for MJ’s insight.</p><p>Peter continued, “So, in conclusion, I’m sorry for ditching you, buddy, and for lying, but you know everything now, and I want to hear all about you and Betty, and MJ, if there’s any developments with Liz, I wanna hear that too.”</p><p>“Wait, first a group hug,” MJ interrupted. “I’m feeling soft and want to capitalize.”</p><p>“I thought you hated capitalism,” Peter joked.</p><p>“And just like that, the moment is gone.” MJ deflated, but she still reached for Peter and Ned.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>After this slow burn, I think we're all going to look like Deadpool. I'm so sorryyyy lmao. The Get-Together is coming soon. I PROMISE.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Reception</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter's first week working at Iron Fitness.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My original projection for the story was 29 chapters and a word count of 75,000. As you can see, that has changed drastically. As I write these last few chapters, I find I have a bit more to say, and I don’t want to rush/ruin/forget anything. I'm sure some people are happy and don't want the story to end, but I'm sure others are annoyed and want me to wrap it up which is why I'm fast tracking these two chapters and publishing on a weekday. SURPRISE!!!! Many of you have told me that these updates are the highlight of your week, so hopefully this makes your week a little better. You can expect two chapters on Saturday, too. I've been writing and editing for several hours a day trying to complete the story for JUNE.</p><p>xx I know WIPs are a risk for readers, and I don’t want to be an untrustworthy writer who can’t keep her word, so I’m sorry to anyone who feels misled by my original projections, or who started reading this before it became so long and expected it to be done already. I honestly planned so meticulously, and had no idea that this would happen. But I repeat, it will be completed in JUNE no matter what the final word count/chapter count looks like. xx</p><p>Thanks for reading, everybody. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter didn’t think he’d ever been to Iron Fitness on a Monday and definitely not at 7AM. The calm atmosphere within the building felt different from the loud and busy one he was used to. In the evening, the gym buzzed with activity and the noise of moving bodies. In the morning, the gym was peaceful, and almost more intimidating since there were no distractions or sounds to pad social interaction.</p><p>Peter was nervous to meet the manager, Carol, for the first time. He’d heard a few people mention her, including Tony, and he’d seen her photo on the employee bulletin board, but he’d never met her in person since she worked the day shift, and he’d only ever come in during the afternoon. First meetings were nerve wracking in general, but Carol would be his boss, and he couldn’t help but feel that he would be out of place working at the gym with such few qualifications and with a physique that didn’t exactly scream health and fitness.</p><p>Peter thought about what he felt like when he walked into the gym. It was always a combination of excitement to see Tony and eagerness to see if he’d made any improvements. He thought about what he would’ve felt like if he’d seen someone his size sitting at the reception desk when he’d joined. It probably would have made him feel more at ease, less intimidated. He put a positive spin on his fear and considered that maybe there would be people who preferred to see someone chubby working, so the gym didn’t feel so exclusionary, and so that it showed that all shapes and sizes of people exercised.</p><p>He already had the job thanks to Tony, but he still brought a folder with his cover letter and resume so he could look more professional, and just in case Carol wanted to confirm that he had no college degree or formal training...The receptionist position—answering phones and supervising members while they scanned their membership cards—didn’t seem like that hard of work since he’d graduated high school with a perfect GPA, but then again, his people skills weren’t winning him any awards, so maybe reception wouldn’t be the job for him. Time would tell.</p><p>He walked in the entrance to Iron Fitness, pleased to see a friendly face in Friday who was chatting with a brunette lady who had a folder of her own.</p><p>“Hi,” Peter greeted.</p><p>“Good morning,” Friday said. “Happy First Day.”</p><p>“Thanks.” He ducked his head.</p><p>“This is Karen,” Friday introduced the brunette woman. “She’s starting on reception today as well.”</p><p>“Hi,” the woman said cheerily. “I’m Karen, oh wait, she already said that.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you.” He was pleased with this turn of events; it would be nice not to be all alone on his first day. “I’m Peter.”</p><p>“Great to meet you, too, Peter.”</p><p>Friday seemed satisfied with the polite exchange since that was exactly what their job was going to entail as the first faces customers saw upon entering the gym. “You two go on back to Carol’s office. She wants to meet you.”</p><p>“Thanks, Friday,” Peter and Karen spoke at the same time.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Carol was sitting in a chair behind her desk with her hands folded in front of her when Peter walked in next to Karen.</p><p>“I’ve been expecting you,” she said, her mouth forming a wry smile.</p><p>Karen giggled, and Peter smiled.</p><p>“You must be Karen,” Carol addressed Peter. “And you must be Peter,” she said to Karen.</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows at the joke. In typical Iron Fitness fashion, Carol liked to tease.</p><p>“How’d you guess?” Peter asked.</p><p>“It’s a gift.”</p><p>“I’m Peter Parker.”</p><p>“Hi, Peter Parker.”</p><p>He gave her a little wave and placed the folder with his resume in front of her. “Just in case…” He trailed off.</p><p>“Thanks,” Carol said. She took the folder and looked at the documents inside for a few seconds. She held out her hand for Karen’s folder as well.</p><p>“Wow, two receptionists with zero experience,” Carol commented after a moment.</p><p>The remark left a bad taste in his mouth because he didn’t appreciate having his insecurities confirmed, but he tried not to show it. He looked on the bright side; he and Karen had the same level of experience with reception, so he wouldn’t look like an idiot if he didn’t catch on right away.</p><p>“Right,” Karen confirmed. Her cheerful expression never faltered, so she must not have been offended.</p><p>“That’s fine,” Carol replied. “Hill in HR knows her stuff, so if she likes you that’s good enough for me.”</p><p>“Yes, she’s intimidating,” Karen agreed.</p><p>Carol hummed. “Okay, go back to Friday.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Karen smiled encouragingly at Peter and left the room. “See you out there.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, you’re the one I’ve been waiting on for six weeks,” Carol said once Karen was gone.</p><p>“Sorry.” Peter winced. “I was at another job and had to wait until I graduated before I could start.”</p><p>Carol nodded. “Tony explained.”</p><p>Peter tried to smile but Carol was tough and didn’t give away encouraging smiles for nothing.</p><p>“Tony said you’d be a good fit.”</p><p>“I think so,” Peter replied. “Between Karen and Friday, I’ll be able to pick up the gap shifts, do weekends they might not want to, or cover if they call in sick. And,” he continued, “since I’ve been coming here for a few months, I know how most things work and who the staff is. I won’t have the disadvantage of trying to learn everyone’s names and how to do reception at the same time.”</p><p>Carol smiled. “Good stuff. Sounds like you’re as smart as your resume says.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Carol settled back in her chair. “Tony’s never gotten anyone a job like this before, you know. He really vouched for you.”</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure what to say.</p><p>“I probably couldn’t have said no to hiring you if I wanted to,” she added.</p><p>“Tony’s awesome,” Peter said. “I’m really lucky he did that, but if you don’t feel comfortable with hiring me, you shouldn’t because I don’t want any trouble, or anything. I’ll just tell him it didn’t work out—”</p><p>“I didn’t say that.” Carol frowned. “Easy, Pete. We’re just chatting.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “Okay.”</p><p>“Tony said you’re going to college in September, but he never told me where, or if that means I’m going to lose you in two months.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. I’m going to NYU, but it’s engineering, so I’ll probably be living in Brooklyn. What I’m thinking is working full time for the summer, and then going part-time once the semester starts.”</p><p>Carol just looked at him, waiting for him to continue.</p><p>“I could probably transfer to another gym that’s closer when school starts,” Peter said, “but I know everybody here, like I said, and it’ll be close to my aunt, so it just makes sense to stay here.”</p><p>“Cool,” Carol said. “That’s good.”</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“Why do you want this job?”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. He thought the whole point of Tony getting him the position was so he could skip the agonizing interview process. Carol seemed to have a bit of a sadistic streak in her.</p><p>“Honestly? I don’t have experience with reception, but I know customer service. I worked at a deli and I—”</p><p>“Deli? Which one?”</p><p>“Delmar’s.”</p><p>“Oh, they have the best sandwiches in Queens.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed. He knew that better than anyone. “Anyway, the only reason I quit there was because my boss, Mr. Delmar, obviously, couldn’t give me many hours, and I really need the money for school, um, I mean, not technically school, but an apartment and textbooks, and stuff. You know, but I promise to do my best, and I’m pretty sure I can figure out how to answer the phone.”</p><p>Carol smiled again, so Peter counted the interaction as a win even though it was stressful.</p><p>“All right,” Carol said. “I’m satisfied with that. Go ahead and join Karen. Friday will whip you two into shape in no time.”</p><p>Peter fled the room, grateful to be out of the hot seat.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The morning was slow and included Friday giving Peter and Karen a tour of the gym even though he already knew most of the layout. It was different to experience the tour as an employee, though, because he got to hear more insider information. He hadn’t been aware of all the rules and procedures there were. His curiosity was satisfied when he got to look in locked storage rooms and rooms labelled <em>Employees Only</em>. He and Karen were led to an enormous supply closet that held a ridiculous amount of clothing along with some other fitness-related gear. There wasn’t even any back up exercise equipment, so Peter imagined there was another room just like it but bigger waiting for them.</p><p>He and Karen received armfuls of clothing adorned with the Iron Fitness logo. He chose a couple of polos, t-shirts, and one hoodie. He also selected a couple pairs of jogging pants. One splash material, and the other a soft cotton. Friday handed them both a few other random things like water bottles, lanyards, sweatbands, and hand towels. She also told them more details about the dress code which Peter had hammered out with Tony—black jogging pants and a shirt with the Iron Fitness logo. Pretty standard stuff, but Peter appreciated hearing all about it since it meant he wasn’t doing actual work.</p><p>After that, they practiced answering the phones, and Friday gave them each a virtual tour which entailed learning the computer program they’d be using to schedule and organize appointments for the personal trainers, and getting set up with company email addresses of their own to answer customer emails. There wasn't a lot to do where the program was concerned since most of the trainers used smartphones to set things up with clients themselves, but some employees who didn't have phones preferred to go old school. </p><p>Friday admitted that there wasn’t much to the job except memorizing the hours of operation, membership types and cost. which classes and specialty activities were available at their location, and extension codes for transferring calls to trainer offices or directly to their phones. Overall, Peter wasn’t fazed by any of it since technology was his forte and he had knack for memorization. He felt proud of himself since both Karen and Friday seemed impressed with how quickly he was picking everything up.</p><p>Neither he nor Karen needed much practice with the phone besides learning the greeting which took two seconds, but memorizing information was only one part of the equation and not being an awkward mess was the other part. That left Peter on phone duty since according to Friday, doing the hardest thing the most was the only way to learn. Answering the phone was torture for Peter, and it didn’t help that he knew Karen and Friday were listening.</p><p>Mostly people just called to ask if the pool was open, or how much a membership cost, or to cancel appointments or their entire membership. After a few calls, he was getting the hang of it, so Friday left him and Karen alone while she took a break.</p><p>Peter sighed and glanced down at his watch. It was only 10:30 and he felt like he’d been there for ten years.</p><p>As soon as Friday walked away, the phone rang. Peter grimaced, and Karen was nice enough to offer to get it for him, but he knew he had to do it if he was going to get over his discomfort.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the shift passed without issue, and he picked everything up as quickly as he thought he would thanks to his intelligence and Friday’s no-nonsense training, but he was disappointed because he hadn’t heard from Tony. No text that said to have a good first day, nothing to see how things were going, nothing to acknowledge their time together.</p><p>Since Sunday, it had been radio silence, and he logically knew that it had been less than twenty-four hours since he’d gotten out of Tony’s car, but it felt like way too long. Peter was used to interacting with Tony once a week, but after seeing him three days in a row, and waking up in the man’s bed, how was he supposed to go back to the way things were? He didn’t think Tony was mad at him, but who knew? Maybe he had been wrong to put Tony in a position to come pick him up, and maybe he’d crossed a boundary or made him uncomfortable. Tony hadn’t seemed upset at him, though, only Flash. Peter didn’t know what to think.</p><p>They’d shared a bed, and Peter remembered the morning after all too well. Waking up in Tony’s arms, both of them hard. Peter knew it was a normal part of being a guy, but it was still embarrassing, and he imagined Tony felt weird about it, or maybe guilty. Especially now they were boss and employee. The thought of sharing a bed with Mr. Delmar invaded his mind as the only comparison, causing him to shudder. <em>Dirty brain. </em>He wondered if it would’ve been better for him if he’d addressed the situation while they were in it, but Tony had seemed content not to speak of it, so he was pretty sure he’d made the correct choice.</p><p>He wanted to think Tony’s hardness was an indicator of reciprocated emotions, but it could’ve just as easily been a normal bodily function. But then again, Tony had had his arms wrapped around him, and had undoubtedly felt his stomach and remained hard which was the key of his analysis. Even if he hadn’t made Tony hard, his proximity had kept him hard. That had to be something, but the thought made him so nervous and giddy and scared. What if he was imagining things, but what if he wasn’t? What was he actually going to do if Tony loved him too? Or not even loved, but liked.</p><p>He’d gone through all of the implications of their weekend together at great length which was part of why he was so exhausted for his first shift. He’d barely slept. He’d gone from thinking that Tony barely tolerated him, to thinking they were acquaintances, to begrudgingly accepting that they were friends, and he didn’t know where to go from there. He wanted to take the leap to fully believing that he had a chance with Tony, but he didn’t want to risk their entire friendship if he was wrong.</p><p>
  <em>Why didn’t I just take the stupid guest bed? I knew it was too much. He probably thinks I’m creepy and weird. I should apologize.</em>
</p><p>Peter was brought out of his thoughts when Natasha and Bucky walked through the door.</p><p>“Well, well, well, look who it is,” Bucky greeted Peter with a huge smile.</p><p>Peter groaned and nudged Karen lightly. “Karen, call security.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Karen whispered.</p><p>Peter chuckled. “No, that’s Bucky. He works here.”</p><p>“Oh okay.”</p><p>Natasha walked by and winked at him. “Hey cutie”</p><p>Peter blushed, and Natasha addressed Karen next. “And you must be Karen.”</p><p>“How did you know that?” Peter frowned, glancing from woman to woman.</p><p>“She knows everything,” Bucky supplied. “It’s annoying.”</p><p>Natasha shrugged and walked away after she and Karen exchanged a few more words.</p><p>Bucky hung back. “It’s Steve’s birthday this week.”</p><p>“Okay.” Peter inclined his head. “What’s the punchline?”</p><p>“Consider yourself invited to the party on Saturday.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Peter asked in surprise. He didn’t try to hide his smile. “Thanks.”</p><p>Bucky’s face softened. “Yeah, yeah. Calm down.”</p><p>Peter ignored him. He was happy to be invited and included.  “Should I bring anything?”</p><p>“Nah, just show up,” Bucky said. “No gifts either. We’re just hanging out.”</p><p>“Cool.” Peter smiled.</p><p>Bucky nodded. “You can come too, Karen.”</p><p>“Thank you. I’ll try to make it.”</p><p>“Oh, and feel free to bring your hero,” Bucky added after turning back to Peter.</p><p>Peter scowled. “How many times do I have to tell you? Nebula doesn’t like parties.”</p><p>Bucky shook his head and started to walk away.</p><p>“See you in five minutes when you come back to harass us,” Peter called.</p><p>“That’s rude,” Bucky said. “I’ll be back in two.”</p><p>“He’s really nice,” Karen commented.</p><p>“Give it a few days,” Peter joked.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s mind was still on Tony when he walked into Iron Fitness bright and early for his second shift. Tony had said they’d get together during the week, but Peter was starting to feel uneasy. The more he thought about everything, the more he worried. All of Monday had passed by with no word from the man, and it was tempting Peter to bite the bullet and text Tony himself. If he waited on Tony to do it any longer he’d die of old age. Peter considered cutting Tony some slack since he was an adult and maybe didn’t put as much stock into texting as he did, but still. Come on. Tony was 41, not geriatric, didn’t he know how to compose a simple text?</p><p>Peter volunteered for phone duty again since he wanted to keep making progress, and Karen was more than happy to take over the emails. After their training shifts, they would be working by themselves, so they took advantage of their time together to get the hang of everything. It looked a bit ridiculous to have the front desk occupied by three workers including Friday, but most gym members ignored them, and the others were just curious about the new faces. A couple people asked about Loki and why he didn't work there anymore, and Peter directed those questions to Friday since he’d never met the guy and only knew what Tony had told him.</p><p>It was twenty minutes into the shift before he got his first call.</p><p>“Iron Fitness Forest Hills. This is Peter.” Peter tried to muster up as much enthusiasm as he could, but his brain was still on his pillow.</p><p>“Hey, it’s me.”</p><p>Peter’s face heated as he recognized the voice. It was unmistakably Tony.</p><p>“Oh, hi, Mr. Stark. What can I do for you?”</p><p>Tony chuckled. “I’m calling as a friend, not as a boss.”</p><p>“In that case, wazzzuppp?” Peter asked. He glanced at Karen to see her reaction to the off-script phone call. She looked slightly shocked. Meanwhile Friday only rolled her eyes.</p><p>Tony huffed a laugh. “How’s the day?”</p><p>“It’s barely 7:30, ask me in like four hours.”</p><p>“I’ll put it in the calendar.”</p><p>“How’s your day?” Peter asked.</p><p>“Ask me in about an hour,” Tony repeated Peter’s joke.</p><p>Peter laughed.</p><p>“Anyway, I wanted to check in. See how you were holding up. Everything’s good?”</p><p>Peter became aware of his dumb smile and how he was clutching the phone like someone was going to come rip it out of his hands, so he schooled his expression and relaxed his grip.</p><p>“It’s all good,” Peter said. “Everything’s fine. I mean unless you take into account that Friday’s torturing me with phone duty.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “Aww, your poor thing.”</p><p>“I know,” Peter said seriously.</p><p>“How was your first day?”</p><p>Peter’s worries evaporated as soon as Tony asked the question. So he did care; he just must’ve been busy.</p><p>“It was great.”</p><p>“Good, fine, great? Care to elaborate?” Tony teased.</p><p>“I don’t have anymore synonyms to indicate that it was a positive experience, Tony. I mean, if you want details, I can start keeping a diary and read it to you.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “Fair enough.”</p><p>“Hey, do you want anything?” Tony asked suddenly.</p><p>Peter wasn't sure exactly what Tony meant. “Like…to drink?”</p><p>“Yes.” Tony sounded amused.</p><p>“Well, I wouldn’t say no to a coffee, but—”</p><p>“Super. Get everyone’s order, and Friday will take care of the rest.”</p><p>“O-okay,” Peter agreed. “Thank you. That’s really generous.” He’d thought that the question meant Tony would be grabbing coffee and coming there to see him in person, but apparently not,</p><p>“Go ahead and add a black coffee for me,” Tony directed. “Doesn’t matter where from as long as it’s the biggest size.”</p><p>Peter’s heart raced at the implication. Tony would be there to pick it up?</p><p>“Sure thing, but, I can pay for my order, you know. I feel kind of bad.”</p><p>“I can handle the bill,” Tony said. “Besides if you keep using the phone for social chats on company time, you’re going to be out of a job. Then how would you pay?”</p><p>Peter lost control of his expression again and smiled like an idiot into the phone. “I’d blackmail the boss.”</p><p>“Excuse me?” Amusement coloured Tony’s voice.</p><p>“Yeah, imagine how embarrassed he’d be when it got out that his only joke was threatening to fire people? He’d give me anything I asked for to keep that on the downlow.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? Well, he’s fired, and you’re next.”</p><p>“Totally uncool,” Peter sighed. “I was really starting to like it here.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “See you soon, Pete.”</p><p>Peter hung up the phone and had to resist running to the bathroom to make sure his hair was in place in preparation for Tony’s arrival.</p><p>“Are you going to explain to me what that was, Peter?” Karen teased.</p><p>“Oh, that was Tony,” Peter replied. “He’s buying everyone coffee, I guess. He said you’d know what to do, Friday.”</p><p>“On it,” Friday said.</p><p>Karen spoke again. “Tony the owner?”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“You two seem close.”</p><p>Friday piped up in her wonderfully sardonic tone. “That’s an understatement.”</p><p>Peter was about to deny it, but instead he said, “Yeah, we are kind of. He was my personal trainer for a bit, and now we’re—”</p><p>“Dating?”</p><p>“What? No, no way.” Peter’s eyes flickered to Friday to see her expression, but her gaze was turned to a piece of paper.</p><p>“Sorry.” Karen winced.</p><p>“No, that’s okay, I mean. I don’t hate the suggestion,” Peter sighed. He wasn’t sure why he was revealing so much to Karen, but she seemed nice and trustworthy, and he wanted to confide in her.</p><p>Karen didn’t say anything more, but she smiled encouragingly, so Peter continued once Friday walked away to fetch everyone’s order—technically he’d been told to do it, but Friday didn’t seem bothered.</p><p>“He used to be my personal trainer,” Peter explained. “Then after my lessons ended we kept working out together, and sort of became friends?”</p><p>“But you want more?” Karen guessed.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter admitted.</p><p>“I don’t understand, though.” Karen scrunched up her face. “Why was he your personal trainer?”</p><p>“Oh, well, it’s—I don’t know how to explain it,” Peter began. “I signed up in March, and he happened to be here taking care of some paperwork, or something, I don’t know, but they were short staffed, and you know Bucky, well, he was going to train me originally, but Tony helped me instead, and then after that session he just kept doing it because we clicked, and I think he felt bad for me, either way. I actually didn’t find out he was the owner until later, but that’s another story.”</p><p>“Wow.” Karen raised her eyebrows. “That’s some story.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “So you can see what a nice guy he is.”</p><p>Karen frowned. “I think there’s more going on there than Tony being a nice guy.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. “In my dreams.”</p><p>“I don’t know, Peter. It sounds like he really cares about you. Maybe if you want more you should just be honest and see what happens. It might surprise you.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter sighed. “I want to, but I don’t know. You know?”</p><p>“I understand.”</p><p>“Thanks, Karen.”</p><p>“Anytime,” she said cheerily. “So, what does Tony look like? I’ve never met him before.”</p><p>Peter sighed wistfully. “He’s…” Peter wondered if he should downplay it, call Tony handsome, or good-looking or just average—which would have been blasphemy—but he couldn’t lie about something like that. “He’s the best. Gorgeous and totally hot.”</p><p>Karen raised her eyebrows.</p><p>Peter blushed. “I mean, well. You’ll see when he comes in.”</p><p>Karen giggled. “You’re funny.”</p><p>“What about you?” Peter asked. “Have you seen anyone here that you like?”</p><p>“Not here,” Karen replied, “but at the main office where I had my interview, there was a nice looking man. Very sweet, British accent.”</p><p>Peter shook his head. “Sorry, don’t know him, but British accents are awesome, you got me there.”</p><p>“Right?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter wished that Tony hadn’t warned him about his impending visit. Now every time anyone walked in, he looked at the door in a panic, expecting to see Tony striding in.</p><p>The delivery person beat Tony and had Peter and Karen rushing to the door to help bring in the obscene amount of coffee and pastries. Apparently, everyone went full out on their orders when Tony was buying. Peter made sure Tony’s coffee was accounted for and put it on the desk along with his own order.</p><p>After several more false alarms, Peter looked up to find that Tony had finally arrived.</p><p>“Just in time,” Peter greeted. “The coffee got here like ten minutes ago. Should still be hot.”</p><p>“At this point, I’d lick it off the floor.” Tony grinned.</p><p>Peter grabbed the cup to give it to him. “I didn’t know if you were hungry,” Peter said, “but I asked Friday to order you a cookie just in case? I don’t know. If you don’t want it, I’m sure someone else—”</p><p>“Hiring you was the best decision I ever made.” Tony snatched up the bag Peter had gestured to.</p><p>Peter beamed at the compliment. “Well, you’re the one who bought it. Thanks again.”</p><p>Tony waved it away. “So, how are things around these parts?” Tony wondered. “Anyone giving you a hard time?”</p><p>“No, it’s amazing. Zero complaints. Well, except the early mornings, but that’s not that big of a deal.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Good.”</p><p>Peter nodded in return. “Oh, by the way, this is Karen. She’s new too.”</p><p>“Hi,” Tony said. “How about you? Is reception at Iron Fitness everything you hoped it would be?”</p><p>“Yes, sir,” Karen replied. “Working with Peter is probably the best part.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “I keep telling him that, but he doesn’t listen.”</p><p>Peter shook his head. He could only take so many compliments before he started feeling mocked.</p><p>“How’s your day at headquarters?” Peter changed the subject.</p><p>“Everyone’s gearing up for the retreat, so the office if teeming with people, and the phones are ringing off the hook.”</p><p>“Really? Why?”</p><p>“Well, we’ve gotta arrange scheduling between all of the gyms since they need to stay open, so we do two weekends in a row. Half of the employees stay behind while the other half rides upstate to the compound, and then the next week it’s reversed.”</p><p>“Damn,” Peter remarked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony agreed. “Then there’s making sure we got enough buses, enough swag for the goodie bags, and besides that, proper sizing for merch, and making sure we have all the receipts for tax write-offs, and calling sports companies for sponsorships, and then the staff up at the compound needs to be able to handle two-hundred-some hungry jocks, and then people who can’t make it to either leg of the trip need to be accounted for and given something, otherwise I look like an unfair asshole, and yeah, it’s a real fun time. Pepper is totally unhinged, and I have two assistants, but at this point? I’m thinking of hiring a third.”</p><p>“It must be rewarding to show everybody a good time, though, I guess. Otherwise you probably wouldn’t do it.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “It’s something to look forward to. Supposedly it boosts morale, too, but that’s just what they tell me. I mostly get complaints.”</p><p>Peter didn’t have a chance to respond because Tony’s phone started to ring.</p><p>Tony checked it and frowned. “I gotta go.”</p><p>“Thanks again,” Peter offered. “For the coffee, and for coming in. It was a nice surprise.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Yeah, thank you for giving me an excuse to leave the office.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “Plus you got to meet Karen. Looks like we’re all winners here.”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter added. “If you’re too busy this week to meet on Friday, I completely understand. Don’t feel like you have to, or anything. Seriously.”</p><p>“Nope, can’t cancel that. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel for me.”</p><p>Peter forgot how to breathe for a moment.</p><p>“I’ll meet you here. What time you done?”</p><p>“2 o’clock. If that’s too early, I—”</p><p>“2 is fine,” Tony confirmed. “See you then.”</p><p>“Okay, bye,” Peter replied.</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Tony.” Karen waved.</p><p>Tony held up a peace sign and walked out the door.</p><p>Peter couldn’t believe that Tony had driven all the way to Queens just to pick up a coffee. <em>He came to see me. He even said I was the reason he left the office. He didn’t even talk to anyone else.</em></p><p>“Oh, Peter, you’re so cute,” Karen chuckled. “I can’t even tell you how adorable that was.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, maybe you should’ve gone back to the office with him so you can see your man.”</p><p>Karen laughed. “I wish.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Wednesday’s shift paled in comparison to Tuesday’s since Tony didn’t make another appearance. Thursday’s shift was the best of all, though since it was the Fourth of July and the gym was closed. Then it was Friday, and just like that, the first week of summer and his first week on the job were almost over.</p><p>“Good morning, Peter,” Steve said way too brightly for 7AM.</p><p>“Hey, Steve.” Peter tried to seem perky but failed.</p><p>“It gets easier,” Steve assured. “Bucky used to sleep until noon, but I’ve converted him to be an early riser. Now he gets up at 11:30.”</p><p>Peter laughed at the joke.</p><p>“Oh,” Peter remembered, “Happy Belated Birthday, by the way.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Steve beamed.</p><p>“Did you do any celebrating yesterday besides fireworks?”</p><p>“Not much,” Steve replied. “Bucky’s throwing me a party tomorrow, though. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. I’m sure he invited you, but just in case he forgot… you’re welcome to come.”</p><p>“Thanks, yeah. He actually invited me a couple days ago, so it’s all good.”</p><p>“That’s great. You gonna make it?”</p><p>“For sure. I never go to parties, so I’m looking forward to it.” Peter meant it. He didn't bother mentioning he'd been to exactly one party before and that it had sucked.</p><p>“Good. It’s gonna be a good time.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “I asked Bucky if I should bring anything, and he said no…do you say the same thing?”</p><p>“No, just bring yourself.” Steve smiled endearingly like he thought that was the funniest joke in the world.</p><p>Peter returned the smile and noted that he needed to find out which dentist Bucky and Steve visited because, seriously, they were on another level. Or maybe it was just something in Brooklyn's water. Or maybe in New York's water as a whole since Tony's smile was beautiful too.</p><p>“Oh, and when you see Tony, you can tell him he’s welcome too,” Steve added.</p><p>“For sure.” Peter gave Steve a thumbs up.</p><p> </p><p>Thor, Sam, and Wanda came in sometime after Steve did. Peter greeted them all with much more enthusiasm now that he had fully woken up. Thor’s booming voice would’ve woken him up either way, and he had to be ready to give Sam a good comeback for whatever sarcastic comment he had this time. He had a smile and a wave ready for Wanda who was one of the instructors that he knew the least, but she always smiled at him, so as far as he was concerned, she was nice. Probably the least sarcastic person who worked there.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The day dragged on just because he was looking forward to 2PM when he could train with Tony, but eventually the time came. Tony was a tad bit early which made Peter happy since he didn’t like the idea of the man being overworked and still making time to exercise with him. Being early meant that Tony had escaped the office.</p><p>Tony surprised him when he approached the desk, since he’d been looking at the computer. He was more distracted since it was his first shift alone, and he’d been making sure that everything was running smoothly. Tony plunked a diet energy drink in front of him without saying anything.</p><p>“Tony!”</p><p>“That’s my name don’t wear it out.”</p><p>Peter was mortified at how obvious his reaction had been, so he changed the subject in a completely subtle way.</p><p>“Steve’s birthday party is tomorrow.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“Yeah, Steve told me to tell you. Actually, Bucky told me too. I know it’s super short notice, but yeah.”</p><p>A gym member came up then and interrupted them. Of course.</p><p>“Hi, ma’am. Good afternoon,” Peter greeted.</p><p>The lady nodded and walked by. That was a good reaction as far as Peter was concerned.</p><p>“Anyway,” Peter said as soon as she was gone. “Do you think you’ll go?”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “I doubt it.”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter hadn’t been expecting that. “Why?”</p><p>“Party hats and pinatas aren’t really my scene. I usually send a birthday bonus cheque in the mail, and that’s the end of it.” Tony explained.</p><p>“Oh.” Peter frowned. “But they’re your friends.”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Before I started training you, I only stopped in here once a month tops. I know everyone, and we’re all friendly, but at the end of the day, I’m the boss, and no one wants their boss around at a party.”</p><p>“You’re my boss, and I think it’s fun to hang out with you.”</p><p>“You’re different.”</p><p>Peter looked away. He knew all too well that he was different from his coworkers, whether they were friends with him or not.</p><p>Tony immediately looked sympathetic. “Different as in better, Peter.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “I think you just <em>think</em> people wouldn’t have fun around you.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows at the suggestion.</p><p>Peter continued, “That’s a lot of missed birthday parties just because you assume wrong.”</p><p>“Wow. It’s gonna be like that, huh?” Tony shook his head.</p><p>“Yup,” Peter agreed. “It’s gonna be exactly like that.”</p><p>“So I take it you’re going to the party, then?” Tony smirked.</p><p>“Well, the last one I went to didn’t go so good, so maybe this one’ll be better.”</p><p>Tony’s playful expression turned more serious. “It will be.”</p><p>Peter nodded, and a small cluster of women with yoga mats came through the door.</p><p>“I’ll think about it,” Tony allowed before he stepped aside to let Peter do his job.</p><p>“Good,” Peter said before turning to greet the ladies.</p><p>“Hey everyone.” Peter put on his best smile. “Hope you all had a good holiday. Any funny stories to share?” Reception was getting easier every day, and he almost felt as if he'd been working at Iron Fitness as long as he had at Delmar's. He was finding his groove with the customers and learning which ones liked to talk and which ones didn't.</p><p>One of the women was more than happy to launch into a discussion about her grandchildren and their misuse of sparklers, and another lady explained what a hit her potato salad had been at the picnic.</p><p>Peter listened enthusiastically until the group finally left to go meet Bruce in the studio. He blushed when he realized Tony hadn’t gone away; he’d just been standing off to the side watching his exchange with the customers. Peter thought he might’ve been in trouble for chatting too much, but Tony was smiling.</p><p>“Told you you’d be good at the job,” Tony commented.</p><p>Peter shook his head and turned back to the desk while Tony disappeared down the hallway, presumably to check in with Carol and say hi to everybody. He was disappointed that Tony hadn’t given him a definite yes for the party, but he couldn't be too mad because the man was there to spend time with him, and that was more than enough.</p><p> </p><p>Tony returned a few minutes later. “Ready to get started?”</p><p>“Yep, just gotta finish one last email, then I'm good to go.”</p><p>Karen came in right on time to take his spot, and then he was free.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter and Tony kept it easy and started on the stationary bikes for their cardio warmup. He wasn't the biggest fan of the bikes, but switching up which equipment he used kept exercise from being too monotonous.</p><p>“How was your fourth of July?” Tony wondered.</p><p>Peter shrugged. “Eh, it was okay, not my favourite holiday. May and I went onto the balcony with some sparklers, but other than that, it was chill. You?”</p><p>“Just another day.”</p><p>“How was Mr. Delmar?” Peter asked in return. He inferred that Tony had seen him since that's where he always got his drinks from. “Did you see Murph?”</p><p>“Both great,” Tony answered. “They put up a shrine in your name by the door, kind of makes shopping difficult, though. Might have to leave a bad review on Yelp.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “I’ll have to stop by later with some tealights.”</p><p>“I think it will spice things up.”</p><p>Peter tried to think of another witty response, but he found it difficult to talk to Tony as a friend because everything he wanted to say to him involved confessing his feelings, and he didn’t think he was ready to do that. He was still hoping that if Tony was on the same page as him, he would say something, but he was starting to get tired of the not knowing. Even if he got rejected, it would be better than walking around wondering what was going on in Tony’s head. Better to find out sooner than later. Maybe he could tell him at the retreat? But was it romantic to do that in a setting that was technically work-related? And Tony was so busy all the time, maybe he didn’t want one more thing to worry about, and—</p><p>“What’s going on over there?” Tony wondered. “Give the poor bike a break.”</p><p>Peter was tired of getting pulled out of his thoughts. Couldn’t he be allowed to dissociate and work things out in peace?</p><p>“Sorry,” Peter offered. “I was just thinking.”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>
  <em>You.</em>
</p><p>“Have you decided if you’re going to the party?”</p><p>Tony shook his head.</p><p>“I know you’re busy,” Peter allowed, “but I think you’ll have more fun than you think, and besides, you deserve a break from all the work retreat stuff. Even if you don’t think you’re friends with everyone, they like you, trust me… Plus, I’m going to be there. You can talk to me.” Peter looked away after he made the suggestion. He wasn’t sure if reminding Tony that he would be there was all that enticing, but if he was gearing up to admit his true feelings, then this was a good first step.</p><p>Peter kept his eyes on his display screen for a moment before looking back at Tony. He felt weird being so forward, but it seemed to have the desired effect since Tony agreed. Maybe being forward was the way to go.</p><p>“All right, Pete. You’ve convinced me.”</p><p>“What time does it start?” Tony asked.</p><p>“7 o'clock I think.”</p><p>“Okay.” Tony bit his lip. “I have a dinner meeting at 6, but I’ll stop by after.”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter’s stomach sank. Did dinner meeting mean a date? “Okay, that’ll be great.”</p><p>“Unless…do you have a ride there?” Tony wondered. “If not, I can—”</p><p>“Don’t worry. I already asked May,” Peter lied.</p><p>Tony nodded.</p><p>“Or, if you really don’t want to go, Tony, you don’t have to. I shouldn’t have pushed it. If you’re going to be uncomfortable, or, like you said, you already have plans. I’m sorry.” Never mind about the being forward, then.</p><p>“No, you’re right,” Tony said. “I should go. Take a break from work. Really, I should cancel that stupid meeting too, but it’s serious.”</p><p>“Serious like a date?” Peter surprised the absolute shit out of himself by asking such a bold question, but he had to know, and he was tired of holding back his questions. If he and Tony were friends, then he should know more about Tony’s life, and how did he expect to make a romantic confession if he couldn’t even ask him a simple question? Back to being forward.</p><p>“What? God no,” Tony scoffed. “No, I’m expanding the company, and Shuri and I are going to be deciding which states to hit and when, if at all.”</p><p>“Date. Please.” Tony shook his head. “That’s a good one.”</p><p>After that, Peter exerted more energy concealing his triumphant smile than he did actually cycling.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>feel free to visit me on tumblr @ winterironspiderling</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Revelation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steve's birthday party. Peter learns more about Tony.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is long, and we get more Tony POV. :) I hope you like it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter made the mistake of waiting until the last minute to ask May for a ride to Steve and Bucky’s apartment for the birthday party. He was lucky that he’d mentioned Bucky before because it lessened the third degree she was giving him to the second degree…</p><p>“What is it for?”</p><p>“Steve’s birthday,” Peter explained.</p><p>“Okay,” May replied. “Who’s that? I don’t remember you mentioning Steve before.”</p><p>“He’s Bucky’s boyfriend.”</p><p>“Bucky’s the one with the metal arm, right?”</p><p>“Yes,” Peter sighed. “He’s cool.”</p><p>“What time does the party start?</p><p>“7 o’clock,” Peter replied, dragging a hand down his face.</p><p>“Tonight?” May asked, frazzled. “Kind of short notice don’t you think?”</p><p>Peter gave her an innocent smile.</p><p>“I can give you a ride, but if it’s in Brooklyn we’ll have to go now because the girls are expecting me at 7.”</p><p>Peter frowned. He didn’t want to be early to the party and sit around awkwardly with Bucky and Steve while they put out snacks. He’d probably clean out their entire supply before any of the other people got there.</p><p>“Sorry,” May offered.</p><p>“No, it’s my fault. I should’ve asked earlier.”</p><p>“Why don’t you just ask Tony? He’s going, isn’t he?”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. “He’s gonna be late. He’s at a meeting.” Wasn’t a half bad idea, though. Probably, he’d waited so long to ask May because he subconsciously hoped Tony’s plans would change, and then they could go together. Arrive at the same time. Bucky and Steve seemed to think it was a possibility, and their ideas had affected his own mind.</p><p>May harrumphed.</p><p>“And, hey, what happened to what you said at graduation about him being in love with me?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You want me to get a ride with him? Encouraging me to spend time with him? Alone?” Peter scrunched up his face. “Where’d that come from?”</p><p>May inclined her head.</p><p>“What’s changed?” Peter pressed.</p><p>“Because.” May shrugged. “I’ve seen how he is with you. When he brought you home after you got hurt, then at graduation, how he got you a job, and I’m positive he had something to do with you changing your mind about college.”</p><p>“He did not,” Peter argued. “I decided.”</p><p>“He’s been good for you,” May admitted. “And maybe, just maybe, I was a little bit harsh, but I’m not going to apologize for having suspicions. Besides, you spend time alone with him all the time. You two work out together every week.”</p><p>“Yes, okay.” Peter’s face was still scrunched. “But, wait a minute,” Peter realized. “You two sat beside each other at the ceremony. Did you guys talk about me behind my back? Did he say anything to you?”</p><p>“No,” May denied. “All we talked about was you. How proud we were.”</p><p>“Since when are you and Tony a ‘we’?” Peter narrowed his eyes. He’d only just started getting over that streak of jealousy, and he didn’t want to be confronted with it again.</p><p>May sighed. “I mean that I got to know him better, and I can tell from the way he talks about you that his intentions are good, and,” she paused, “I have to give him some credit for sitting through that long ceremony. You really have to care about someone for that.”</p><p>Peter crossed his arms, prepared to argue that the ceremony hadn’t been that long and boring, but actually, it had been. Tony was a trooper for that, and Peter could see how May would think sitting through three hours of name calling and droning speeches meant he cared, but he still had more questions.</p><p>“So you talk to him for five minutes and change your opinion meanwhile I’ve known him for months and tried to tell you he was a good guy but you still doubted it.”</p><p>“Yes,” May agreed. “Because you like him too much to be unbiased. I had to see for myself.”</p><p>Peter realized there was no point in fighting May because she apparently trusted Tony. It was what he’d wanted since the beginning, so it didn’t make sense to raise doubts in her head. It was just strange that she’d changed her tune—going from warning him that Tony’s gifts were a way of manipulating him to suggesting he get a ride with the man.</p><p>He imagined she might like Tony even more if she knew what had happened during the weekend—nothing. Obviously, Tony was no predator. Which reminded him that he needed to let May know about the retreat. Better not to ask about a party and a retreat in the same night, though. Permission to go on the retreat would be next week’s topic of debate.</p><p>“It’s fine, you can just drop me off early,” Peter decided. “I can call when the party’s over.”</p><p>May agreed, evidently pleased that Peter was willing to drop it.</p><p>Peter still had to get ready—another task he’d been putting off. He chose a pair of grey-wash jeans from his closet, some black Converse, and a dark blue shirt so that he could at least be a little patriotic and on theme. He cuffed his jeans at the bottom to add a little drama to the look, and because they were a little long. After a couple minutes of deliberation, he also ran gel through his hair.</p><p>“Wow, look at you.” May whistled when he walked out into the living room. “So handsome.”</p><p>Peter ducked his head, but he didn’t disagree. The clothes were the ones that MJ had helped him pick out at the mall, and after getting down from 223 to 217 the outfit fit perfectly—on the loose side just the way he liked.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>It was 6:30 when May pulled up in front of the apartment, and Peter’s stomach flipped. He hoped he looked okay. It was intimidating to be around a bunch of fit, attractive people. He was used to it since he saw the gang almost every day, but that was in gym clothing. He actually had no idea what everyone’s style was when it came to street clothes. He didn’t want to be overdressed or underdressed, or be the only one wearing jeans in July.</p><p>Peter waved bye to May and buzzed the apartment a couple minutes later since it was a tad closer to when the party was supposed to start.</p><p>“Who is it?” Bucky’s voice crackled over the speaker.</p><p>“It’s Peter. Sorry, I’m early.”</p><p>“Oh.” Bucky’s voice sounded less harsh once Peter revealed his identity. “Come on up.”</p><p>The buzzer on the door sounded, and then Peter had to climb a ridiculous number of stairs to get to the apartment.</p><p>Steve answered the door. “Hi, Peter.”</p><p>“Happy Birthday, again,” Peter said with an impish smile. “Sorry I’m so early, my aunt had somewhere to be.”</p><p>“That’s no problem. I’m surprised you didn’t come with Tony.”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter shrugged awkwardly. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“Anyway, come on in.” Steve opened the door wider, and Peter stepped in.</p><p>“Wow,” he remarked. “Nice place.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Bucky appeared from the kitchen. “That”—he gestured to the living room—“was all me.”</p><p>“We know,” Steve said. “I have no taste.”</p><p>“Goddamn right he doesn’t.” Bucky shook his head.</p><p>Peter shrugged. “Probably better than mine.”</p><p>“What do you want to drink?” Steve asked.</p><p>“Get him a beer.”</p><p>“No way, Buck. He’s not old enough, and Tony would kill me.”</p><p>Bucky rolled his eyes. “Peter, you want one?”</p><p>“That’s okay, thanks, though. Maybe later.”</p><p>Steve nodded at his choice. “How about a soda?”</p><p>“That’d be great.”</p><p>“Anyway,” Peter added. “I know you said no gifts, but I couldn’t do that.” He handed Steve an envelope.</p><p>“Wow, thank you, Peter. You didn’t have to do that.”</p><p>“It’s cool.” Peter shrugged. “It’s not a lot, but you know, you guys can go on a date or whatever.”</p><p>Steve read the birthday card and took out the movie ticket vouchers.</p><p>Bucky came over immediately and plucked them out of Steve’s hands. “Safe keeping,” he explained before stowing the tickets in his pocket. “Thanks, Pete.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “Can I help you put out snacks or something?”</p><p>“Yes,” Bucky agreed at the same time as Steve said, “No, that’s all right.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter thought he’d only have to wait until 7 before he stopped being the only guest, but apparently not many people understood the concept of arriving on time. It meant he had over half an hour of time alone to spend with Bucky and Steve in their apartment, and there were only so many chips that could be poured into bowls or vegetables that could be cut and arranged on a platter.</p><p>After he’d helped put everything out and moved on to his second security-blanket root beer, he had no choice but to sit around with the two men, making conversation in their well decorated living room.</p><p>“How is it working at the desk, by the way?” Bucky asked, popping a handful of chips into his mouth. “Do you hate it as much as I do?”</p><p>“It’s great,” Peter disagreed. “I really like it. Friday showed me and Karen all the ropes. They’re both cool to work with.”</p><p>“Good,” Bucky said. “Not that I’m happy you’re liking it, or anything. Just glad I don’t have to do it.” He teased.</p><p>Peter laughed. “So far I’ve only worked four days since we got the holiday off.”</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Steve joked.</p><p>“Are you totally bummed that you can’t come on the retreat?” Bucky asked.</p><p>“Why can’t I go?” Peter asked in confusion. Tony had invited him only days ago. Had something changed?</p><p>“You have to work for Tony for at least a year before you’re eligible to go,” Steve supplied.</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t know that,” Peter admitted. “He told me I could come. Maybe he made a mistake?”</p><p>Steve and Bucky glanced at each other. “Told you,” Bucky said.</p><p>“What?” Peter asked.</p><p>The buzzer echoed throughout the apartment, then, distracting Bucky from answering. He let in Nebula, who wasn’t much of a saving grace to the conversation.</p><p>Peter was still stuck on the fact that he wasn’t technically allowed to go on the retreat. Was Bucky just pulling his leg? If that was the case, he would feel awkward going if someone like Karen couldn’t go. He would have to tell Tony he couldn’t go, or at least ask if the other new people could go too, so he wasn’t the only one breaking the rule.</p><p>After that, a couple of people Peter didn’t know arrived which he felt stupid for not anticipating. It should’ve been expected that Steve would want more than just the work crew at his get together.</p><p>Then Sam showed up with Wanda, Natasha, and Bruce.</p><p>Carol was next, followed by Val, Thor and a man who must’ve been Loki.</p><p>By the time 8PM rolled around, the party was in full swing, and Peter was having a much better time than he’d had at Flash’s house. The only thing missing was Tony, and a few staff members who couldn’t make it.</p><p>Peter was in the kitchen helping himself to a glass of water when the buzzer sounded again. The likelihood that it was Tony was high. <em>Finally.</em></p><p>He walked back into the living room and stood next to Nebula.</p><p>“Did you hear? Stark’s on his way up,” Nebula spoke in that quiet, low way she had. Somehow she managed to sound amused even though her voice barely changed.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter said.</p><p>“He’s never been to one of these gatherings before,” she said.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter said again.</p><p>“Wonder why he decided to come this time.”</p><p>Nebula gave Peter the death stare when he said, “Yeah,” a third time.</p><p>Bucky let Tony in, and Peter glanced around the room to see if anyone was watching him since he knew how obvious he was being about his excitement.</p><p>Tony looked fantastic as always. He wasn’t quite dressed in the suit that Peter had seen at his graduation, and he wasn’t in a tracksuit either. Tony had gone for black jeans and—Peter nearly had a stroke—the Joy Division shirt he’d gotten him the day of their last lesson.</p><p>He was carrying what looked like a very expensive bottle of alcohol, presumably Steve’s gift.</p><p>“Thank you, Tony. I’m glad you could make it.” Steve clapped him on the shoulder.</p><p>“Happy Birthday,” Tony responded.</p><p>Peter didn’t know what to do with himself, so he continued to stand next to Nebula like an idiot. He wasn’t sure if he should wait for Tony to approach him, or if he should be the one to go over. Peter decided it was best to play it cool. He waited while Tony greeted everyone, and to his satisfaction, none of them looked angry or uncomfortable to see him. Just like he’d told Tony; he was fun, and not a buzzkill boss.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Pete.”</p><p>Peter smiled at Tony. “You made it.”</p><p>Tony nodded and looked to Nebula. “Nebulous, I mean Nebula.”</p><p>“Stark.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “I was starting to think you weren’t going to come.”</p><p>“I had to get a gift,” Tony explained. “Took a while to pick out a good bottle.”</p><p>“Fools,” Nebula muttered before walking away.</p><p>Peter shifted, trying to rack his brain for things to say. The first thing that came to mind was asking how Tony’s meeting had gone.</p><p>Tony saved him and spoke first. “Nice outfit. Is it new?”</p><p>“Oh, sort of. I got them in D.C. MJ helped me pick them out.”</p><p>Tony smiled. “It suits you. Gotta say, though, very weird seeing you in a plain shirt. No puns or references. It’s like I don’t even know who you are.”</p><p>Peter giggled. “I guess you didn’t get the memo.” He gestured to Tony’s shirt.</p><p>“This old thing?” Tony waved.</p><p>Peter noticed the man’s eyes twinkling with amusement, and his mouth was curved in that way he had when he was trying to fight a smile. Tony was so beautiful.</p><p>Bucky approached, then, and Peter had to tear his gaze away from Tony. Bucky wrapped his arms around both Tony and Peter, and hung in between them. “Hey, boys.”</p><p>“You’re toasted, Bucky,” Tony remarked.</p><p>Peter laughed again. Bucky had gotten a pretty early start.</p><p>“Hey, Peter, how ‘bout that beer I offered you earlier?” Bucky’s accent on a normal day was barely noticeable, but now it was out in full force.</p><p>Peter was tempted, but he’d already had three too many root beers and wasn’t interested in wasting his remaining calories on alcohol when there was a perfectly good slice of birthday cake waiting for him.</p><p>“I’m good, Bucky.”</p><p>“Boo,” Bucky complained. “How about you, Tony? You want anything?”</p><p>Tony hesitated so long that Peter looked away from Bucky to see why he wasn’t answering.</p><p>“I—No,” Tony decided. “I’m driving.”</p><p>Bucky sighed before calling out Steve’s name and going over to where the drinking crowd was.</p><p>Peter laughed at Bucky’s antics, and then met Tony’s eyes.</p><p>“Do you want water? They got all kinds of soda, too. I can get you one,” Peter offered.</p><p>“Yeah, that’d be splendid,” Tony accepted.</p><p>Peter offered the man a smile and headed to the kitchen. Tony followed him.</p><p>“So, they got Sprite, Coke, Diet Coke, Root Beer, and Orange. Oh, plus Dr. Pepper.”</p><p>“Dealer’s choice.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed. He picked Tony out a Sprite.</p><p>Peter felt awkward now that they were alone. Not that the kitchen was worlds away from the living room—mostly everyone was still visible through the doorway—but it was a semi-enclosed space, and Peter had been the one to convince Tony to come. What exactly had his grand plan been? Get Tony to come to the party for what? So he could fall over himself in front of the man and make a fool of himself in front of all his friends and coworkers? At least Bucky was sort of joining him in that feat.</p><p>“Hey, are you all right?” Peter frowned at Tony. The man had an odd expression on his face.</p><p>Tony downed half the Sprite before he answered. “I’m good, kid. Just had a long day.”</p><p>“Right,” Peter said. There was that term again. Kid.</p><p>Peter made to walk back out into the party, but Tony asked him to hold on.</p><p>“I need a minute,” Tony explained. “If you don’t mind.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed easily. “No worries.”</p><p>Peter shifted his weight while he waited for Tony to gather himself. He watched Tony staring at the magnets on the fridge with a smile for a minute before he decided to break the silence.</p><p>“You know,” Peter started, “before you got here, we were talking about the retreat. Everyone’s pretty excited about it.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Tony asked, turning his gaze away from the fridge. “What about you? Are you excited?”</p><p>Peter nodded. “Kind of nervous, but I think that’s just a given for me. Definitely excited, though.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “You’ll have a great time.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “For sure, but I sort of have a question.”</p><p>“You wanna bring your friends?”</p><p>“You could say that,” Peter said, “but actually, Bucky and Steve said there’s a rule about working for you a year before employees can go.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“Is that true?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I really appreciate it, Tony, but I don’t think I can go, then.” Peter admitted.</p><p>Tony frowned. “Why?”</p><p>“Well,” Peter fidgeted, “I started working the same day as Karen, and I’m sure there’s new people at your other gyms, and I don’t know if I feel comfortable going if they’re not allowed to either. I’d feel guilty.”</p><p>Peter’s stomach was in knots while he waited for Tony’s response. Was this the moment Tony would finally call him ungrateful or disrespectful? Maybe Tony would uninvite him and that would be that.</p><p>Tony’s expression lightened. “Is that all?”</p><p>Peter nodded. Tony didn’t seem to be upset with him.</p><p>“You would’ve been going whether you worked for me or not.”</p><p>Peter liked that response a lot. When Tony said things like that it made him want to believe what May and Mr. Delmar were saying about Tony’s feelings for him, but then he thought of how many times Tony had had the opportunity to say something, and how many times he never did. Never made a move. Peter was starting to fully accept that if he didn’t say or do something, he’d never know for sure, but it was so terrifying to put his head on the chopping block like that. It would be so easy for Tony just to reject him, and everything would be ruined.</p><p>“But you’re right, it is unfair,” Tony agreed. “I made that rule when I was starting out, maybe it’s time to retire it, anyway. Between you and Karen, and the rest, there’s probably ten newbies. I’m sure there’s room for more.”</p><p>Peter let go of the breath he was holding.</p><p>“Thank you,” he managed. “You really are the coolest boss.” Tony was the coolest everything.</p><p>“With you to keep me on the righteous path, how could I not be?”</p><p>“Ready to get back in there?” Peter asked. It probably wasn’t a good idea to spend so much alone time with Tony in front of everyone since they were already foaming at the mouth with their hinting and teasing and suggestive comments.</p><p>Tony drank the rest of his Sprite and grabbed another one. “Okay, I’m ready now.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>May texted Peter at 11 to see if the party was wrapped up yet and if he needed a ride.</p><p>Peter wasn’t quite ready to leave, but a few people had already cleared out, and everyone remaining besides him, Val, Tony, and Steve were drunk.</p><p>“I think I’m going to head out,” Peter said awkwardly. It was always weird trying to leave somewhere. Should he just walk out with a wave?</p><p>“Yeah, me too,” Val agreed. “I can only play so much Cards Against Humanity before I go mad.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “Maybe if you were good at it…”</p><p>Val gasped and punched up in the arm like she was keen on doing.</p><p>“Between you, Bucky, and Thor, my arms are going to be black and blue,” Peter complained.</p><p>“Serves you right,” Val joked.</p><p>Peter laughed.</p><p>Bucky and Natasha were too far gone to pay him any attention which was fine since he didn’t have any social energy left to keep up with them.</p><p>Tony was on the balcony chatting with Loki, so Peter made his way over to tell Tony goodnight.</p><p>“Hey, um, I’m leaving now,” Peter said. He glanced at Loki who looked annoyed at the interruption.</p><p>“Leaving?” Tony asked. “Did you call May already?”</p><p>“Nope. About to.” Peter held up his phone.</p><p>“Don’t. I’ll be right in. I’ll take you,” Tony explained.</p><p>“Oh, okay. Thanks,” Peter agreed. He didn’t ask Tony if he was sure; he knew from experience that there was no point in asking Tony that question.</p><p>“Sorry to interrupt, by the way,” Peter said to Loki. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”</p><p>Loki’s annoyed expression faded minutely. “Yes, well. I hear you’ve replaced me at the desk.”</p><p>“From what I hear, no one could replace you,” Peter complimented. “People ask about you all the time.”</p><p>Loki looked immensely pleased at the news. “Hmm. I see what you mean, Stark.”</p><p>“Easy.” Tony held his hands up.</p><p>Loki shrugged indifferently. “Enjoy the rest of your evening, Peter.”</p><p>“You, too, Thanks.”</p><p>Peter laughed and went back inside to wait for Tony. It seemed everybody was right about Loki; he was an interesting character.</p><p> </p><p>Tony didn’t take much longer, and then they were on their way out with styrofoam containers of birthday cake that Steve had insisted on them taking, probably as a bit of an apology for how rowdy everyone had gotten.</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows at the car Tony had driven to the party. It was the fanciest one he’d seen yet. A black model whose doors opened upwards.</p><p>“Holy shit, you came to Brooklyn in a spaceship,” Peter remarked. He noticed the license plate on the back of the car said Stark 7. Tony probably had enough cars to fill a dealership. Peter wondered if it was really foolish or just a little bit foolish to imagine that one day he might be able to say he’d ridden in all of Tony’s cars.</p><p>“What else was I supposed to drive?”</p><p>“You don’t drive a car like this. You pilot it,” Peter joked.</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes fondly. “Once you get your full license I’ll let you try.”</p><p>Peter vehemently refused. “No way, man. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I messed up your car.”</p><p>“That’s what insurance is for.”</p><p>Tony pressed a button to start the engine, and Peter winced when Immigrant Song started playing at an uncomfortable volume.</p><p>“Oops,” Tony commented. He turned the knob all the way down.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Peter assured. “I love Led Zeppelin.” He turned the knob up to a more reasonable volume.</p><p>Tony nodded in approval.</p><p>It was too easy to remember the last time he’d been in Tony’s car and too easy to let his imagination run wild with ideas of the things that might be happening if he wasn’t who he was.</p><p>Tony pulled out of the spot, and Peter settled into the passenger seat while the song changed to Godzilla by Blue Oyster Cult.</p><p>“Wow,” Peter mused. “You must’ve been in a mood on the way over.”</p><p>Tony glanced at him. “That obvious, huh?”</p><p>Peter shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, you seemed kind of off at the party. I didn’t want to say anything.”</p><p>“You pay good attention.”</p><p>Peter blushed at that. Nobody noticed Tony like he did, so it figured that he’d been watching carefully enough that it became off-putting and creepy.</p><p>“Sorry,” Peter said.</p><p>“Didn’t say it was a bad thing. Guess I’m not as lowkey as I thought.”</p><p>Peter wanted to ask Tony what exactly it was that he was supposed to be lowkey about, but he didn’t want to make Tony more uncomfortable. The man was already doing him a favour by giving him the ride, and he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries by being nosy.</p><p>Peter wanted to change the subject. “Anyway, thanks for giving me another ride.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “I told you, anytime.”</p><p>“It’s a good thing you didn’t go crazy with the booze like everyone else did,” Peter joked.</p><p>“I wanted to,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter had another apology on his lips. As if him needing a ride had prevented Tony from drinking, but Tony had chosen to drive his own car in the first place, so it wasn’t his fault. Something about Tony’s expression made his heart twinge. He’d seen the exact expression on his own face before. He realized that nobody had kept Tony from drinking except himself, and it hadn’t been easy to do so.</p><p>“You didn’t, though,” Peter offered. “And, I didn’t demolish that birthday cake, so, nothing to worry about.”</p><p>Tony glanced at him again with confusion on his face. “Did Val say something to you?”</p><p>“No,” Peter replied. “I just pay attention. Like you said.”</p><p>“It’s okay, by the way,” Peter added. “It sounds selfish, but it actually makes me feel a lot better.”</p><p>“What’s that mean?”</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure how much to reveal, and normally he might’ve held back his compliments, but Tony looked like he needed some positive words. “You’re obviously like super perfect. Not just as a boss but as a person. You’re generous and compassionate, you know everything about everything, and you know, you’re just—you’re you. Finding out that there’s more going on underneath all of that makes me feel like I’m not so alone. Like I can relate to you more.”</p><p>Tony was quiet for a moment.</p><p>Peter wondered if maybe he was completely off base. Maybe Tony didn’t have an issue with alcohol; maybe he had simply meant he wanted to drink in a general sense. Maybe Tony didn’t want him to be able to relate to him. Peter hoped he hadn’t just put his foot in his mouth.</p><p>“Thanks, Pete,” Tony said, finally.</p><p>Peter shrugged. “It’s nothing. Especially when you consider everything you’ve done for me.”</p><p>Tony shook his head.</p><p>“It’s true,” Peter insisted.</p><p>“You did it, not me.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Well, you helped.”</p><p>Tony smiled. “You know what I said yesterday about you being different?”</p><p>“Yeah?” He remembered well since it had initially sounded like an insult until Tony clarified that he meant different as in better.</p><p>“You know that’s the best compliment I can give,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter laughed to brush it off. He wasn’t better than anyone.</p><p>“I know a lot of people, Pete, and none of them are like you. None of them are so…”</p><p>Peter’s mind supplied a slew of derogatory adjectives just in case Tony was having trouble of thinking one. <em>Fat, ugly, useless, awkward, weird…</em></p><p>“So good-hearted,” Tony decided. “Kind, I guess is the word I’m looking for.”</p><p>Peter looked at his lap. If that were really true, then why did he feel so bad all the time?</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter mumbled.</p><p>“You are,” Tony said more firmly. “You’re the best person I know.”</p><p>The compliment was simultaneously everything he wanted to hear from Tony, but also impossible for him to accept. His self-confidence had improved drastically since he’d started his journey, but if he measured it on a scale of 1-10, he would’ve been in the negatives. Now he was at a 2—there’d been an improvement, but he wasn’t quite there, yet, so Tony telling him he was the best person he knew sounded like a long shot. That kind of a compliment before might’ve caused him to fight with Tony about how untrue that was. The best Peter could do now was a shake of the head and a disbelieving laugh. He wasn’t good, and certainly not the best. He was…okay.</p><p>Peter decided the best way to get Tony to drop it was to turn it back around on him. “You’re the best person I know.”</p><p>Tony laughed openly at that and echoed a joke that Peter had once made himself. “How many people do you know?”</p><p>Peter frowned. Was Tony kidding?</p><p>“You have good taste in music,” Peter added. He leaned forward to adjust the volume again. The conversation was getting heavy yet again, and Peter didn’t want to drag that out.</p><p>“I’ll give you that,” Tony conceded.</p><p>Peter let it drop, satisfied that Tony had at least taken a small compliment.</p><p>Before Peter had time to fully process the implications of their conversation, Tony was pulling up in front of his apartment building.</p><p>So, I’ll see you Friday? I think I work until 3, so—”</p><p>“I’ll be there at 3:01.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “All right.”</p><p>He got out of the car and headed toward the building, knowing that Tony would wait. He paused before opening the door and looked back at Tony.</p><p>The thought of Tony showing up to the party with Steve’s bottle entered his mind, and he wondered if that was the only thing the man had purchased on his way over. Peter hated to do it, but he knew he had to as a friend, so he walked back to the car.</p><p>“Forget something?” Tony asked, after he rolled the window down.</p><p>“No,” Peter answered. “I don’t know how bad it is, and I know it’s absolutely none of my business, but I—” Peter bit his lip. His stomach clenched. “Did you buy anything that you don’t want to be left alone with?”</p><p>For the second time that night, Peter braced himself for Tony to get mad at him, but he didn’t. The man averted his eyes for a moment, and then he looked up with an unreadable expression.</p><p>“Nope,” Tony replied. “All clear.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter exhaled. “Sorry. I’m bad at this. I hope I didn’t like, annoy you or whatever.”</p><p>“You didn’t. Promise.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter said again. “Goodnight.”</p><p>“You, too. Sleep well.”</p><p>Peter nodded and went inside with tears in his eyes, not because he had had a bad time, and not because he thought Tony was too good for him. He couldn’t explain why he felt like crying. As much as he liked being able to relate to Tony more, it wasn’t fair that the man had to go through something like that, that he knew what it was like. Why did it have to be so hard?</p><p>He’d fallen in love with Tony, and that hurt enough because it left him more vulnerable than he’d ever been, but this felt different from that. It felt worse. Unselfishly wanting the best for Tony, not because he wanted anything in return, but because the man meant so much to him, was so important, that Peter would hate for Tony to have to feel the way he always did when he gave into his weaknesses. He wanted to go home with Tony and sit with him until his mind let go of the dangerous thoughts. He wished he had the right. It felt like he’d taken his heart out and left it on Tony’s passenger seat.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tony had wanted to share more of himself with Peter, but he hadn’t been sure of how to bring it up, so he was glad that Peter was so perceptive and empathetic. He felt lighter than he had in a long time after talking to Peter. He wanted to tell the boy that. He deserved to know how much of a help he was.</p><p>
  <em>Goodnight, Pete.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thank you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m glad you made me go to the party.</em>
</p><p>Tony backspaced everything. He was supposed to be friends with Peter, not falling more in love with him. Apparently, his self-control in all aspects of his life was dwindling. Friends thanked friends, though. Right? He imagined what he would say if it were Rhodey with him. Probably an inappropriate joke of some kind that both of them understood meant <em>thanks for looking out for me</em>, but that was unhelpful in this situation because it was Peter.</p><p>Tony sighed. Another message to Peter left unsent because he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. At this point, the kid had more balls than he did.</p><p>“Fuck it. This is ridiculous. It’s a text, you idiot,” Tony chastised himself.</p><p>Tony typed out the text and pressed send. It was no love letter, but it was better than nothing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You were right. The party was fun. <br/>Don’t let it go to your head. ;) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Too late. ;)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Goodnight, Tony. I’m glad you came.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Also, thank you for not getting mad at me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tony was not expecting that response. What had Peter done that could possibly warrant an angry reaction? He thought back on the evening and could only think of how Peter had returned to the car to make sure he wasn’t about to drink himself in a stupor. He’d already said that he wasn’t annoyed about that.</p><p>Peter had looked nervous when he’d brought up the retreat. When he’d said he wouldn’t be able to go, Tony had thought that the cat was out of the bag about how he felt and that Peter wasn’t happy about it. Meanwhile, Peter was just advocating for a friend and for some people he didn’t even know. He’d been willing to miss out on a trip just because it wasn’t fair. Tony wasn’t mad about being called out for the pointless rule. He was proud.</p><p>
  <em>You don’t have to thank me for that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Goodnight.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The following Friday, Tony arrived at Iron Fitness at 3:01 like he’d promised. The stars had aligned, and Friday herself was occupying the reception desk.</p><p>“T.G.I.F.” Tony greeted.</p><p>“Someone beat you to the joke, Mr. Stark. My apologies.”</p><p>“What?” Tony scrunched up his face. “That’s my joke.”</p><p>Peter came up to the desk on cue, not in his Iron Fitness work polo and black jogging pants, but in basketball shorts and the AC/DC shirt he’d been wearing the day they met. The first thing Tony noticed was Peter’s exposed legs. It was only the second time he’d seen Peter’s legs, and even then, they had been swimming, so there had been a glimpse followed by a couple of hours of the water hiding them. They were a little lighter than the rest of Peter’s skin tone, obviously he wasn’t a veteran of wearing shorts, and the sun never had a chance to reach that part of his body.</p><p>The second thing Tony noticed was how the t-shirt hung off Peter. It had been baggy to begin with since Peter liked to hide behind loose fabrics, but now it was turning into a veritable nightgown. Tony was dying to see what was going on beneath the clothes, but he kept his eyes glued to Peter’s face. He felt like he was back in the 1800s or something, excited at the sight of a visible ankle.</p><p>“Hey, Tony. Are you ready?” Peter asked.</p><p>Tony wasn’t having any better of luck by staring at Peter’s face because his doe eyes were too adorable, and his wavy hair obviously wasn’t cooperating with him, and he was so cute it shouldn’t be allowed. He could tell Peter was nervous too because he kept tugging at his outfit like he wasn’t quite comfortable. Tony wanted to tell him that wearing pants was fine if that was what he was comfortable in; losing weight didn’t mean he had to change his entire existence—Tony preferred pants himself and rarely wore shorts—but he decided if Peter was trying something new and experimenting with what he liked to wear, then calling attention to it would be a dick move.</p><p>“Born ready,” Tony commented. “Waiting on you now. Let’s go.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you took my joke, by the way,” Tony said. “I’ve been saying that for years.”</p><p>“Well, to be honest, it’s not that creative of a joke.” Peter smiled.</p><p>Tony pulled his brows together. “This is the second time you’ve criticized my jokes, and frankly you’re hurting my feelings.”</p><p>“You’re right,” Peter agreed. “My jokes aren’t any better…it’s just that you’ve had like twenty-five more years than me to hone the skill, and yet...”</p><p>“Wow. You think you know someone and then they go and say something like that.” Tony smirked. It was weird to hear Peter casually mention their age difference. Tony sometimes wondered if Peter even remembered it, but apparently he did and still didn’t care. It was nice to hear that Peter wasn’t absorbing the warnings he was undoubtedly getting from his aunt and ex-boss, although another part of Tony noted that maybe that wasn’t a good thing. Maybe he was a problem even if he didn’t want to see it, but he honestly didn’t think so. He knew he’d never hurt Peter.</p><p>“I’m obviously kidding,” Peter said. “With your permission, I’d like to share the joke so that I may, too, tell Friday ‘T.G.I.F.’ when I see her.”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “That’s a tall order, Pete. I don’t think you know what you’re asking.”</p><p>“Please?”</p><p>“Fine, but you’re on thin ice with the plagiarism.”</p><p>“Understood.”</p><p>Peter nudged Tony playfully while they walked beside each other, and it was such an unconscious gesture that he didn’t think the kid even realized he did it, but it was so telling of how far he’d come and how comfortable he felt. Tony felt himself fall a little bit more in love. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold out before just telling Peter the truth.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Because they’d started at 3, it was only a little after 4 when they finished, and Tony wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye. If he was reading Peter’s expression accurately, then it seemed he was in agreement.</p><p>“What do you say to grabbing some food with me? It’s early for dinner yet, but I’ve got a hankering for a cheeseburger.”</p><p>Peter looked confused. “You want to eat dinner?”</p><p>“I usually do.” Tony could practically hear the unsaid <em>with me </em>at the end of Peter’s question. He didn’t understand how Peter could still be oblivious to his affections. He’d done everything except get an airplane to write it in the sky. <em>Hmm, that’s a good idea.</em></p><p>“No, I mean, uh, never mind.” Peter shook his head. “Yeah. I could eat.”</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>Tony followed Peter to the locker room so he could wash his hands, and then he went back to his office to change into a fresher outfit. He pulled out the emergency Axe body spray he kept in his desk, too. He hated to do it, but it was a must if he was going to be in close quarters with Peter.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“We haven’t talked much,” Tony said from behind his menu.</p><p>Peter brought his menu down and raised his eyebrows. “What did you wanna talk about?”</p><p>“For starters, how’s the job treating you? Do you like it?” Tony grimaced internally since he knew he’d been asking the same question over and over again, but it was important to him that Peter was happy.</p><p>“It’s awesome,” Peter said.</p><p>Tony nodded. It was difficult to hold a normal conversation with Peter when thoughts of their shared weekend two weeks prior constantly pervaded his mind. How easily he’d slept next to him, how easily he’d gotten off in the shower to the idea of doing more than sleeping. All he could think of was admitting everything to Peter. How he felt, emotionally and physically. Tony wanted to ask if Peter was okay after what had happened at the party—the graduation and the birthday party. So many things to say, and maybe it would’ve been easier if he hadn’t gone and made Peter yet another person who worked for him. He resisted the urge to ask if Peter felt weird around him now that he was his boss since they’d already settled that when he’d insisted that he come to Steve’s party. He wanted to hear it again, though. Just to be sure.</p><p>Tony hoped he wouldn’t have to wait long for Peter to admit his feelings. Tony toyed with being the one to tell Peter first, but he didn’t want to come on to Peter like some middle-aged creep. Maybe he should amend the conditions and promise himself that he could say something once Peter was done college? No, that was four years away. Maybe after his first year was done? Ugh. Then again, the retreat was looming in front of them. That was almost too convenient.</p><p>Tony realized he hadn’t spoken in a couple minutes.</p><p>“So, I—”</p><p>“By the way—”</p><p>Peter blushed and ducked his head after they started speaking at the same time. Tony had to work not to bring up how much he loved Peter’s blush. It was a gift that it happened so frequently.</p><p>“Go ahead,” Peter insisted.</p><p>“All right,” Tony allowed. “When I said, ‘we haven’t talked much’ that was your opening to tell me how you’re holding up.”</p><p>“Holding up with what?”</p><p>“For starters, the events that led to our impromptu slumber party,” Tony huffed. “And, now you know that I have some issues with the drink.”</p><p>Peter laughed.</p><p>“Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh,” Peter said.</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Better than crying.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter began. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”</p><p>“You’re not curious?”</p><p>“Not really,” Peter admitted. “I mean if you want to share, of course I’ll listen, but as long as you’re okay, the details don’t make a difference to me. Like, if it’s an alcoholic thing, or if it’s less serious, or maybe—” Peter averted his eyes for a moment. “It’s none of my business, but like I said, as long as you’re okay, that’s all that matters to me.”</p><p>Tony had never heard that one before.</p><p>“I—” Tony frowned. He had no clue what to say. “I don’t have a treasure chest of AA chips, or anything,” he explained. “It’s not so much an ‘alcoholic thing’ as it was a big coping mechanism for me after my parents died, and then it turned into partying during college, and as I got older, it wasn’t a sustainable model, so I decided to tone it down, but it hasn’t been easy.” He stopped to gauge Peter’s expression before continuing.</p><p>“I still drink from time to time, and I can keep a stocked cupboard without any problems. It’s just, I have to be in a very specific headspace when I let myself indulge, or else it could get ugly. That night at the party, it would’ve been a problem.”</p><p>Peter nodded sympathetically. “I’m sorry. I don’t know if I’d even be a help because food and alcohol aren’t the same thing, but if you ever needed to talk about it, you could. Or, whatever, if you needed to text me. I don’t know. I could have your back.”</p><p>“That’s nice of you, Pete. You already help.”</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“I hope it doesn’t make you question all of my teachings.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Tony stroked his beard. “Well, I spout all these tips at you about moderation and how to get better, and now you’re hearing that I have demons of my own.”</p><p>“That makes you more credible.” Peter shrugged. “I’d rather listen to someone who knows about the struggle than someone who thinks they know…Like I said in the car, it makes you more real.”</p><p>Tony sighed. Peter wasn’t pulling his punches today. Unleashing the full force of his sweet heart wasn’t fair play.</p><p>Tony was glad it was off his chest because he didn’t want a repeat of when he’d kept his ownership of the gym a secret. It was already close enough of a call since he hadn’t mentioned anything to Peter, but rather the boy had guessed at it. He wanted to let Peter know him more, but it was terrifying. Peter had put him up on a pedestal he had no right being on, and he was scared to compromise his position.</p><p>The waitress came by to take their order, and Tony was over the moon since Peter decided to go first. He was getting better and better around food. He’d brought them to a lesser known diner a few blocks from the gym, and his favourite thing to get was the pizza burger with curly fries. He hadn’t told Peter that, though, so when the boy chose to order that, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe there was such a thing as fate.</p><p>“Same for me, thanks,” Tony told the lady while she took the menus away.</p><p>He was still curious to know how Peter was holding up with the other incident, so he was glad when Peter brought it up again on his own.</p><p>“And about the other party,” Peter hinted. “I’m completely fine. Seriously.”</p><p>Tony squinted at him.</p><p>“You helped me out big time, and when I hung out with Ned and MJ, I told them about it, and they had my back. May still doesn’t know because I hate worrying her, but yeah. Flash texted me to apologize a couple of days ago.”</p><p>Tony pursed his lips. He didn’t blame Peter for not mentioning anything to May since he’d seen firsthand how worrisome the woman was; she’d practically started crying at the sight of a sore ankle. Peter had a protective streak of his own, it looked like, but still, holding back from telling her wasn’t doing anyone any good.</p><p>“He did, did he?”</p><p>“Yeah. He said he was completely wasted and that he didn’t remember exactly what he said, but he knew it was bad. Where Flash is concerned, that’s a five-star apology.”</p><p>“What did you say?”</p><p>“I wanted to say it was fine and to forget it, but I didn’t end up saying anything. I don’t know, it’s stupid.”</p><p>“You don’t believe what he said, right?” Tony wasn’t proud of his relationship with alcohol to begin with, but he felt more humiliated talking about it when Peter had just had a run-in with a drunk idiot.</p><p>Peter shrugged. “Part of me does, but mostly I know he’s just a dick.”</p><p>“He’s a dick, end of story,” Tony said. “Everything he said to you was bullshit, and he put his hands on you…I can’t even decide which one is worse.”</p><p>Peter didn’t respond.</p><p>“What?” Tony pressed. “You don’t agree?”</p><p>“I don’t know, Tony. All that positive stuff is nice in theory, but that’s just not the way things are. Maybe he’s right, and I won’t find anybody.”</p><p>Peter continued. “Nobody in school has ever liked me. Everybody else gets hit on, or asked out, and I’m not saying I want to get hit on, but like, those stories about getting asked for your number, or meeting someone randomly that wanted to go out…that’s never happened to me, and I know I have other things going for me, and I’m smart, and nice”—Peter rolled his eyes at that— “but it just sucks. All anyone seems to care about is if you have a nice body.”</p><p>“You’re only 17,” Tony remarked. “That’s not a lot of data to factor into the equation.”</p><p>“I guess, but MJ and Ned are 17 and they both have girlfriends.”</p><p>“You just gave two examples of people with two very different body types. So you kind of blew up your argument.” Tony didn’t like saying it, but Peter needed to hear it. Ned was overweight and MJ was underweight, and they both had partners.</p><p>Peter nodded. “Then I guess it’s just me that’s the problem, and the weight has never been the main issue. So even once I reach my goal weight…it’s not going to change anything. Just like you said.”</p><p>“I never—Stop nitpicking my words. I meant that losing weight isn’t a magic ticket to self-love. I never said nobody else would love you.”</p><p>“Different parts of the journey take longer to get through,” Tony added. “You can lose fifty pounds in a few months, but fixing your relationship with food and building confidence can take years.”</p><p>“It’s only been four months, Peter. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you’re not out of the woods yet.”</p><p>“I know that.”</p><p>“Okay, if you know that, then you know you’re not stuck where you are. This is a temporary low point. Triggered, I think, by that moron, Flash. And, because you’re pre-emptively trying to tear yourself down now that you’ve decided to go to college. Things are looking up for you, and you don’t like that.”</p><p>Peter chewed on his bottom lip.</p><p>“So quit it.” Tony pointed at him. “Stop thinking about what you don’t have, or what other people are doing, or what they think of you, and start thinking about what you can do to get yourself where you want to be.”</p><p>“I thought you weren’t my trainer anymore.”</p><p>“I’ve evolved,” Tony joked. “Consider me your spirit guide, something like that.”</p><p>“How about a pain in my ass?” Peter suggested. “You won’t even let me wallow in self-pity…what kind of friend are you?”</p><p>Tony laughed. “Music to my ears. If I’m pissing you off, it means I’m right. So there.”</p><p>“You win this round.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The waitress came to see how everything was one last time, and asked, “Is this on separate bills, or together?”</p><p>“Together,” Peter replied right away. He turned to Tony with a sheepish expression. “It’s on me.”</p><p>The waitress nodded and left the table.</p><p>“Uh, no it’s not,” Tony argued. “Pretty sure I asked you here.”</p><p>“So?” Peter shrugged. “I want to get it.”</p><p>“You know I have money, right?”</p><p>“Just because you can afford it doesn’t mean you have to.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yep,” Peter insisted.</p><p>“Thanks, Pete. That’s sweet of you.” Tony allowed. He couldn’t deny the slight discomfort he felt at letting someone else pay for him, especially Peter. He understood the concept of the gesture, and he didn’t like feeling used or like he came second place to his bank account, but it was Peter. Peter who worked for him, who didn’t come from much, and who had major expenses coming up for school—full-ride didn’t cover living expenses. He didn't want Peter to waste his money.</p><p>“It’s nothing.” Peter waved. “You deserve it.”</p><p>“That’s my line.”</p><p>“Too bad.” Peter grinned. “I already plagiarized a joke, what’s one more thing?”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “Remember, thin ice.”</p><p>Tony knew he should’ve quit while he was ahead and led the conversation in another direction, away from Peter’s self-loathing, but he felt like he had more to say.</p><p>“Anyway,” Tony continued, “getting hit on isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”</p><p>“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”</p><p>“Well, yes, but I’m serious, Pete. Knowing someone only wants you because of the way you look is flattering, I won’t lie, but that’s not what keeps you warm at night.”</p><p>“What does, then?”</p><p>“Someone who knows the best and worst of you and sticks around. I mean, what do I have to show for all the numbers I’ve had scribbled on napkins for me? An empty penthouse and an empty bed. Twenty-hour workdays because I have nothing better to do with my time. Trust me, you don’t want to be hit on. You want more.”</p><p>Peter’s face crumpled. “What if I lose weight and I’m still not enough?”</p><p>What Tony really wanted to say was that if he had it his way, they would be together, and Peter would have nothing to worry about since they’d met before any weight loss had even occurred. Even beyond that, he would be happy as long as Peter was, regardless of what that looked liked. Peter had always been enough for him.</p><p>“I’m at my ideal weight, and I’m single. I haven’t been enough.” Shit, that wasn’t exactly uplifting. “You got nothing to worry about, though, Pete. You have so much going for you.”</p><p>“And you don’t? If you can’t find anybody, then there’s definitely no hope for me.”</p><p>Peter continued, “If you wanted to have someone, you could. You could have anyone you wanted.”</p><p>“I don’t want <em>anyone</em>.”</p><p>“I just don’t get it,” Peter said. “Why would someone like you be single?”</p><p>“Because money and looks draw people in, but I want someone to stay for what’s underneath.”</p><p>Peter argued. “I don’t believe that people don’t stick around for you. It has to be your choice.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Tony said. “I’m telling you what I’ve experienced.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter sighed. “Sorry, I don’t mean like it’s your fault, or anything. Obviously you know your own life best. I’m just saying…someone would have to be pretty stupid to think money was the best thing about you.”</p><p>“To be fair, it is pretty awesome.” Tony joked.</p><p>“Stop.” Peter rolled his eyes with a smile.</p><p>“But, I guess you’re right,” Peter continued. “You have to prioritize what you think about yourself, and you have to trust the people around you are in your life for the right reasons. Even if it’s hard.”</p><p>“I guess we both have to wait until the right person comes along,” Peter added.</p><p>Tony opened his mouth to say that the wait was over, but the words caught in his throat, and then Peter’s phone vibrated with a text, and the moment slipped by.</p><p>“Oh, May’s wondering when I’m coming home. Sorry.”</p><p>“No problem. Let’s call it a night.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Tony had to keep reminding himself not to grip the wheel so tightly while he drove Peter home. He reminded Peter that there wouldn’t be any workout the following Friday because of the retreat. He asked him if he knew where and when to catch the bus that would take them upstate to the compound, and Peter explained that Friday had supplied him with the info packet via email. Tony was pleased that Peter seemed excited about it.</p><p>“Thanks again for dinner,” Tony said.</p><p>“Anytime.” Peter smiled. “Thanks for inviting me.”</p><p>Tony nodded once, trying to conceal his disappointment at having to separate from Peter yet again. He took solace in the fact that Peter looked just as disappointed. Tony decided that no matter what, he was making his move at the retreat. He wasn’t letting another moment pass him by, and he wasn’t going to let Peter go any longer thinking he was unwanted. He didn’t care about any of the details anymore. The hopeful and adoring way Peter looked at him made it clear that it was his only option, and he liked his odds.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>&gt;:) Won't be much longer now.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Vacation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The first and second days of the Stark Retreat.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some readers might not be aware that I posted a mid-week update this past week if they're not subscribed and count on my updates to be on Saturdays. Please read chapter 28 and 29 if you haven't. I don't want anyone to miss out and be like wait...it's the retreat already, wtf? </p><p>xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Twenty-four Iron Fitness locations meant just over four hundred employees to consider for the trip, and another couple dozen from the main office and Tony’s other business ventures. Minus those who couldn’t make it, or didn’t want to go, and then halving that amount since there were two legs of the retreat gave a final total of 191.</p><p>Tony didn’t prefer to have everyone split up over two weekends, but if he was going to keep the gyms open, he had to make sure there was enough to staff behind to cover those on the trip. The following weekend, everyone else would get their turn.</p><p>It was mainly a fitness retreat, but with the array of activities and events going on at the compound, Tony felt comfortable inviting employees from all his businesses since he owned more than gyms and employed more than just personal trainers. Before Peter had confronted him, only employees who had worked for him over a year were allowed to go. The rule was supposed to prevent people from getting hired only to work for two weeks and quit as soon as the retreat was over, since the trip was a reward for his loyal employees and cost a pretty penny. When he delved into his employee records, though, the turnover for his company was shockingly low, and almost everybody working for him was a long-time hire, so really, the rule wasn’t doing much. Besides, what was eleven more people? Everyone who went on the trip got free transportation to the compound and back. Everyone was gifted a swag bag, and everyone got fed for four days. It was expensive, but the tax write-offs and the killer deals he received for bulk purchasing helped with that. He nixed the rule on Peter’s behalf, but he decided it was for the best, and he’d keep it nixed regardless of what the future held for him and Peter.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“Look alive, Jarvis,” Tony greeted his assistant. “I have tasks for you.”</p><p>“I’m overjoyed, sir,” the man responded, rising from his seat, phone in hand and ready for notetaking.</p><p>“Most of the office is leaving for the compound tomorrow.”</p><p>“I’m well aware.”</p><p>“Thank God.” Tony rolled his eyes. “Anyway, you’re holding down the fort, but I need you to drive upstate with the R8—no the McLaren—for Monday morning.”</p><p>“Am I riding back with you?” Jarvis joked.</p><p>“Nope, you’ll be taking the bus back with everyone else.”</p><p>“All due respect, sir, but why not just drive it up yourself tomorrow? That’s what you did last year.”</p><p>“Because. I feel like taking the bus,” Tony explained. “Normally, I would just have you drive it up now, but I need you here, otherwise the entire company would go up in flames.”</p><p>“No need to butter me up. Consider it done.”</p><p>“Knew I could count on you. Next order of business, we’re gonna need about eleven extra swag bags.”</p><p>“Should I even ask why?”</p><p>“We have eleven more bodies going on the trip than we did last week thanks to a little angel on my shoulder. Anyway, try to keep that on the downlow. I don’t need Potts heckling me about it.”</p><p>“Done. Anything else?”</p><p>“That’s all.” Tony waved.</p><p>“I assume you watched the Devil Wears Prada recently, Mr. Stark.”</p><p>“Maybe.” Tony let a smile play on his lips. If only people feared him the way they did Meryl Streep...</p><p>Jarvis shook his head and left the room altogether.</p><p>“No taste,” Tony muttered under his breath.</p><p> </p><p>He got nearly twenty minutes worth of work done before Happy was barrelling into his office with a Starbuck’s order. It could’ve been his imagination, but he thought he heard Jarvis sighing from outside the room. </p><p>“Boy am I happy to see you,” Tony said.</p><p>“If I had a dollar for every time I heard that joke, I could quit.”</p><p>Tony laughed. It delighted him to annoy people with his ridiculous jokes. The resigned eye roll and small shake of the head was everything.</p><p>Happy continued. “Everything’s ready to go. The staff up at the compound is all sorted out. I just got off the phone with the bus company, and they’re good to start boarding at 7AM. Maria and Phil will be driving down tonight to distribute the info packets and the giftbags.”</p><p>“Perfect.” Tony nodded. “It’s all coming together.”</p><p>Happy relaxed—as much as someone so high-strung could. “So, how’s things with the kid. Do you think he knows what’s up?”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “I doubt it.”</p><p>“He’s excited, though,” Tony added. “I got J bringing down the car on Monday. If all goes to plan, I’ll be driving back with him. Peter, obviously, not Jarvis.”</p><p>“Right.” Happy nodded. “And you plan on telling Pep that you’re going through with this?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony agreed. “On the bus.”</p><p>Happy huffed. “Jesus, this kid must have one hell of a hold on you to get you to ride a bus.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “Can’t argue with you.”</p><p>“Good luck, Tony,” Happy offered. “I can’t wait to meet him. Eh, actually, I wouldn’t go that far, but, still. I’m happy for you.”</p><p>Tony clapped his hands together. “I bet you are.”</p><p>“Just be nice to him,” Tony added.</p><p>“When have I ever been mean?”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>All anyone could talk about for the entire week leading up to the retreat was the retreat. Peter had heard enough from his coworkers to know that the Stark Retreat was the event of the year, and nothing else could top it. He usually didn’t take people’s word for how great things were because every time he got excited for something, he was let down, so he usually tried to anticipate fun things in a neutral way, but when he considered that Tony was responsible for the whole thing, he imagined people weren’t exaggerating.</p><p>Apparently, Tony had always been generous even when he only had a couple gyms. Some of the staff members that had worked for Iron Fitness and technically Stark LLC the longest shared the information with Peter when he’d asked. There hadn’t been retreats, but often staff parties and lots of bonuses to go around. Then when Tony had become more successful, he’d upgraded to retreats and getaways at ski resorts or spa resorts in the area. Then when he’d advanced even further in his career, he’d bought a resort of his own to supplement his business, and to host his friends and employees.</p><p>Peter liked the idea that even when Tony hadn’t had much, he still treated his workers well; he wasn’t like other rich business owners he’d heard about who barely paid minimum wage and excepted maximum labour. He couldn’t wait to tell MJ.</p><p>After everybody else’s excitement had worn off on him, Peter started looking forward to it. He was interested in meeting all the other employees from the other Iron Fitness locations. Also, since he was friends with most of his coworkers in Forest Hills, he was eager to spend four days with them chilling out. He had no idea what to expect from the resort; when Tony had first mentioned hiking to him, he pictured a collection of log cabins in a forest, like a summer camp. Then when he’d heard about the spa services and waterside yoga, he pictured a modern looking hotel with employees all dressed in white linen walking around with salt crystals.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter knew that Tony owned twenty-four gyms and a few other properties, and that there were so many employees working for Stark LLC that there needed to be two trips, so he expected there to be a large amount of people to be going on the vacation, but getting dropped off at the bus depot by May to see four coach buses was shocking.</p><p>His first thought was that that was a lot of people to try and get to know, and his second thought was that Tony was going to be extremely busy taking care of everyone the entire time. That frustrated Peter, not only because he wanted to use the time to be with Tony more—preferably alone—but because it didn’t seem like a vacation for Tony if he had to do more work.</p><p>Peter waved bye to May and went to stand by one of the buses. He didn’t recognize anyone around, but he knew he was in the right place because most of the people there were in workout gear. Lulu Lemon leggings and Under Amour t-shirts were out in full force. Peter lost count of how many protein shakers and water bottles he saw. He wasn’t the biggest one there because lots of people were taller or more muscular, but he felt like he was the most out of shape. He didn’t feel bad about it though. He reminded himself that not everybody who worked at the gyms or in the main office necessarily had fitness backgrounds or were personal trainers, and just because some people looked thinner didn’t mean they were any healthier.</p><p>Peter felt like maybe he should approach someone and try to start a conversation, so he didn’t seem like an antisocial loser. He adjusted his backpack on his shoulder and geared himself up to make a move. Instead, a guy who looked around his age was the one to approach him.</p><p>“Hey, dude.”</p><p>“Hey, what’s up?” Peter replied.</p><p>“Nice to see someone born in the same decade as me,” the stranger commented. “Unless you’re older than you look…”</p><p>“I’m almost 18.”</p><p>“Damn.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter huffed. “I’m Peter.”</p><p>“Cool. My name’s Harley.”</p><p>Peter nodded appreciatively. “Like the motorcycle.”</p><p>“Yes,” Harley sighed.</p><p>“Where do you work?” It seemed like a dumb question, but since there was such a mixed bag of people hanging around, Harley could’ve just as easily worked at the main office, or at one of the bowling alleys Tony had mentioned owning before. He didn’t seem like a personal trainer, but Peter was starting not to know what that looked like either. Everyone around him varied in appearance.</p><p>“I’m on the marketing team,” Harley explained. “I design merch and come up with campaigns and advertisements.”</p><p>“Oh, so if the gym needs a flyer for a summer promotion, or something, that’s you?”</p><p>“Yep. I take it you’re at Iron Fitness?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter confirmed proudly. “I do reception in Forest Hills.”</p><p>Harley smirked. “That’s cool. Usually when I picture a receptionist, I picture a middle-aged woman…”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s like two thirds of our receptionist roster, honestly,” Peter admitted. “I’m just doing it to get some money before school starts in September.”</p><p>“Solid. What’re you gonna be taking?”</p><p>“Chemical and biomolecular engineering,” Peter said.</p><p>“Shit,” Harley said. “A fellow nerd.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “So, uh, does Tony usually ride the bus with everybody, or does he meet us there?”</p><p>Harley shrugged. “Last year he went separate, but I don’t know, honestly.”</p><p>“Right.” That was disappointing.</p><p>Peter made small talk with Harley for a few minutes and enjoyed it more than he thought he would. He learned that Harley was 23, and had a couple college degrees, but that it was too hard to get a job in his field, so he’d just tried for random things until landing a position at Stark LLC. He said it was the best job he ever had.</p><p>“Are you close with Tony?” Peter wondered. “Since you get to work at the office with him?”</p><p>Harley’s eyes brightened. “I annoy the fuck out of him to be honest, but he keeps me around because I’m a genius.”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows at that. Harley was tall and thin, and smart, and apparently really confident too. He wondered just how close he and Tony were since Tony was “keeping him around”.</p><p>“How about you?” Harley asked.</p><p>“We’re sort of friends.” Peter shrugged. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“Interesting.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter sighed. “I don’t know,” he repeated.</p><p> </p><p>Peter perked up when he saw a fancy car entering the parking lot. That had to be Tony. “Oh, that’s probably him now.”</p><p>“Obvious much?” Harley asked.</p><p>Peter blushed. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“It’s cool. Lots of people have the hots for him. I don’t blame you.”</p><p>“I don’t have the hots for him,” Peter denied. <em>I love him.</em> And what did Harley mean lots of people had the hots for Tony. Which people? Was Harley one of them?</p><p>Harley held his hands up. “Hey, maybe this weekend’s your chance.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Peter wondered for the second time.</p><p>“Make a move,” Harley urged him.</p><p>“Oh my God. I thought you said you were a genius.” Peter frowned. “I can’t make a move on him. That’s crazy. He’s my boss.”</p><p>“So. What does that have to do with anything? Besides, you said you’re friends…you already have an in. And you’re not ugly. I bet he’d go for you.”</p><p>Peter shook his head. “Not ugly isn’t exactly a compliment.”</p><p>Harley nudged him playfully. “Oh look, here he comes now.”</p><p>“Don’t point!” Peter panicked, grabbing Harley’s arm to put it down. He’d accidentally attracted a madman within five minutes of being in the parking lot.</p><p>“Making friends already?” Tony pulled his sunglasses down and raised his eyebrows as he approached.</p><p>“I don’t know if I’d call it that,” Peter admitted. It sounded like a joke, but he wasn’t sure what to make of Harley.</p><p>Harley and Tony both laughed.</p><p>“You’re a good judge of character, Pete. Harley, here, is the biggest pain in the ass in a fifty-mile radius, and that includes Barnes.”</p><p>“Right.” Peter looked away.  Harley had mentioned that. Were Tony and Harley flirting? Both of them were ridiculously similar with their sarcasm and teasing, and you had to be around someone fairly often to become a pain in the ass... Tony always called him smartass, and Peter had called him a pain in his ass before, too, but he’d meant it as an endearment. Peter couldn’t help the jealousy that welled up inside him.</p><p>“So what bus am I on?” Harley changed the subject. “I’d like to sit down.”</p><p>“Happy will start calling out names soon,” Tony replied. “He just needs to get his ass here, first.”</p><p>Harley laughed. “I wouldn’t hold my breath. He takes forever to do anything.”</p><p>“It’s early, yet.” Tony checked his watch. “Pepper’s probably deciding which pantsuit to wear for the ride up.”</p><p>Peter smiled at the joke. He knew Pepper and Happy by name, but he’d never met them. He felt envious that Harley seemed to know more about the people in Tony’s life than he did, but it only made sense because they’d worked together for longer, and Harley played an important role in Tony’s business.</p><p>“Oh, there they are,” Tony commented.</p><p>Peter followed Tony’s eyes to see a tall woman exiting a black Audi. She went to the back of the trunk and waited. After a moment, a surly looking guy in a gawdy track suit exited the driver’s side. He hauled the luggage out with difficulty, and then they made their way over to the crowd. Pepper wasn’t wearing a pantsuit like Tony had joked about, but she was in jean shorts and a white t-shirt that Peter couldn’t help but notice she looked good in.</p><p>Tony waved them over.</p><p>“Good morning,” Pepper said.</p><p>“I’m surprised it’s still morning,” Tony said, glancing at his watch. “What took so long?”</p><p>“Don’t even get me started,” Happy said.</p><p>Peter stifled a laugh. It was impossible not to laugh at how grumpy Happy looked and how ugly his outfit was.</p><p>“Who are you?” Happy surprised Peter by addressing him directly.</p><p>“Peter.” He held his hand out for Happy to shake even though he wasn’t sure if the man would accept it.</p><p>“Oh, right,” Happy grumbled. He returned the shake.</p><p>Peter glanced at Tony and Harley awkwardly, unsure of what to say.</p><p>“Peter,” Pepper commented. “Nice to finally meet you.”</p><p>Peter blushed. “You, too, ma’am.”</p><p>“Please, call me Pepper.”</p><p>“Her real name’s Virginia,” Tony interjected. “Like the state.”</p><p>Pepper rolled her eyes. “His name is Anthony. Like Anthony Hopkins, an old white guy.”</p><p>Peter laughed. He didn’t know Tony was a short form. That was cute.</p><p>“Happy’s name is like the seven Dwarfs,” Harley added.</p><p>“How nice, and you’re a motorcycle. Can we fast forward to the part where this conversation is over?” Happy retorted.</p><p>Peter frowned when he realized how lame his joke to Harley about his name had been. He would have to think of a new one.</p><p>“Yes, please,” Tony said. “Waiting on you, buddy. Go ahead and read the manifestos and let everyone know where to go.”</p><p>Happy pulled out some papers from his pocket and went over to the mob of employees waiting for things to get moving.</p><p>Peter hoped that he would get to be on the same bus as Tony, if that was even a possibility since Tony might skip the bus thing and drive his own car. At the very least he hoped he got to sit with Harley since he was cool and fun to talk to.</p><p>The bus drivers started putting everyone’s luggage under the bus once Happy announced the first few names.</p><p>Peter noticed some of the Forest Hills crew standing in a lopsided circle nearby. Bucky caught his eye and waved. “Hey, Peter!”</p><p>Steve, Sam, Bruce and Natasha turned to look, and Peter felt his heart clench when they all smiled at him and walked over.</p><p>Tony, Harley, and Pepper expanded their group to absorb everyone else.</p><p>As usual, Bucky started on him right away. “Hey Sam, it’s Peter’s first time on the retreat. What do you think we should do to him?”</p><p>“Some light hazing?” Sam suggested.</p><p>“I woke up in the lake once on an air mattress,” Bruce said. “That was a good one. We could do that.”</p><p>“Pretty sure that’s from the movie Parent Trap,” Natasha corrected.</p><p>“Oh, right,” Bruce commented with a shrug.</p><p>Steve and Tony both looked displeased with the hazing talk.</p><p>Harley laughed. “It’s still a good idea, though.”</p><p>“Nobody’s putting me in the lake,” Peter disagreed.</p><p>Pepper sighed. “You’re right. If anyone’s going in the lake it’s Tony.”</p><p>Natasha grinned at that. “I volunteer to help put him there.”</p><p>Bucky and Sam nodded at each other. “Agreed.”</p><p>Harley nodded approvingly while Bruce and Steve remained neutral, so Peter stepped in to defend Tony.</p><p>“Hey,” Peter complained. “Tony doesn’t deserve that. We wouldn’t be going anywhere without him.”</p><p>Tony looked at him in surprise. “My hero.”</p><p>Peter shrugged, embarrassed that he’d put himself so far out there in front of the group, but he didn’t really care if they were joking. He knew how generous Tony was, and how much he felt like he didn’t belong within his social circle, so ending up in a lake was the last thing he deserved.</p><p>“Can we at least put him in the pool?” Bucky asked, breaking the awkward silence. “Some sort of body of water. Anything.”</p><p>“Buck,” Steve said. “How ‘bout we put you in the pool.”</p><p>“Can’t.” Bucky gestured to his arm. “I’ll get all rusty.”</p><p>“If somebody’s going in the water, it’s me,” Sam suggested. “I look the best wet out of everybody.”</p><p>The tension dissolved completely, and Peter stayed quiet while the rest of the group chatted and joked. He kept looking at Tony, and hoped it wasn’t terribly obvious. Just in case it was, he unhooked his sunglasses from the collar of his shirt and slid them on so nobody could see his eyes.</p><p>Peter listened carefully for Happy to call his name and was pleased when he got to be the first one out of their group to board the bus. It meant he would get first dibs on a good spot.</p><p>He was surprised when Tony came with him.</p><p>“Are you sitting with me?” Peter asked. He wanted to shovel the words back into his mouth when he realized how desperate that sounded.</p><p>Tony at least gave him the dignity of looking conflicted. “Actually, I’m gonna sit with Pepper because we have some last-minute stuff to go over,” Tony explained.</p><p>“Oh, okay.”</p><p>“I’ll come back to bug you as soon as I can though,” Tony offered.</p><p>“Yeah, for sure. I’ll catch up with you later.”</p><p>Peter wasn’t a fan of the seating arrangement, but he was glad that Tony was on the bus at all. Plus, he had to remind himself that this entire trip was work for Tony. He was busy and couldn’t hold his hand the entire time. Peter decided that it was for the best because not using Tony as a crutch would give him more opportunities to make friends on his own. He also needed a break from thinking of his crush and deliberating over whether he was going to confess to Tony, or not.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter took the window seat and waited for everyone else on the bus to get settled. He was about to slip into bus-riding silence and check out until they arrived at the compound, but then Harley came and plopped down beside him. “Sorry this seat’s taken,” Harley said to Peter. “See, it’s funny because you were sitting here first.”</p><p>Peter couldn’t help but laugh at the guy’s dopey expression.</p><p>His mood lightened further since he had a perfect view of Thor and Loki walking up to the bus last minute. He could hear their arguing over the bus’s engine which was saying a lot.</p><p>Thor was wearing his blonde hair in a bun and wearing a cut-off shirt with swimming trunks, and Loki looked like he’d just stepped off the runway. For some reason it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen, and he prayed they would be getting on his bus, so he could see them in action.</p><p>“I don’t understand what takes you so long,” Loki grumbled. “You’re dressed like a buffoon. I was ready hours ago.”</p><p>“Excuse me for not getting up in the middle of the night to fix my hair.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Stop fretting,” Thor complained. “Your work has paid off. Your hair looks wonderful. What more do you want?”</p><p>“Stop,” Loki hissed, although he seemed pleased at the compliment. He didn’t say anything else, and the argument seemed to be over.</p><p>Peter just looked at Harley and shrugged.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Pepper seemed to know something was up when Tony suggested they sit together.</p><p>“What’d you think of him?” Tony got straight to the point.</p><p>Pepper surprised him by smiling. “He’s sweet.”</p><p>“I know, right?”</p><p>“Very protective, too,” Pepper commented. “I thought he was going to kill me for joking about putting you in the lake.”</p><p>Tony couldn’t help but grin. “Would’ve served you right.”</p><p>“You know I was kidding.”</p><p>“Yeah, but he didn’t.” Tony was smug and didn’t care if he showed it. He could imagine what Peter would say when they got to the compound, and he realized there was no lake. “Anyway, I wanted to talk to you because—”</p><p>“You’re going to tell him,” Pepper surmised.</p><p>“Right. I’m not asking for advice, either. I’m giving you a heads up.”</p><p>Pepper nodded. “I know I’ve been tough about it, but—”</p><p>“You don’t have to explain it, Pep. Seriously. I get it, and I agree with you. Don’t tell anyone I said that, though.”</p><p>“No, Tony, I want to explain. It’s not just the age difference between you two, or the fact that he’s barely 18, God. I feel protective of you too.”</p><p>“Even if I didn’t come off that way when we spoke about this before... I know that you’re tired of being alone, and I’ve wanted you to find somebody, and now that you have, I’m nervous to see you get hurt.”</p><p>Tony didn’t say anything.</p><p>“You’re so excited about him, and I’ve never seen you this happy about anything,” Pepper continued, “and I don’t want to be cynical, but he’s just so young, and he’s going to college, and maybe he doesn’t know what he wants. I don’t want to see you get your heart broken if he changes his mind. I know that sounds awful. I’m sorry,” Pepper sighed. “Maybe I’m not saying it right.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Tony said. “It’s not anything I haven’t thought before, and it could happen. You’re right, but it’s also a risk that any relationship has. Anyone can change their minds or find someone different. Obviously because he’s young, there’s a higher chance, but I don’t know. I wanna take the shot.”</p><p>Tony thought of all the fears Peter had been facing, and how tough it was for him to put himself out there, and how far he’d come with his journey in only a few months. He owed it to Peter to tell him the truth.</p><p>“Yeah,” Pepper breathed. “Not to say that his age isn’t a huge issue for other reasons, but you already know all that.”</p><p>Tony gnashed his teeth together a couple times. “It is. I wish it wasn’t, but it is.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Tony said. “Maybe it’s a bad idea, but I’m going to give him the choice. Tell him the truth and see what he says. Maybe all this hemming and hawing means nothing. He could tell me to fuck off and get out of his face.”</p><p>“You know that’s not going to happen.” Pepper eyed him.</p><p>“I don’t know that,” Tony disagreed. “I hope it doesn’t, but he always surprises me.”</p><p>“Don’t tell anybody I said this,” Pepper said, “but I have a feeling you two are going to make a great couple.”</p><p>“Thanks, Pep,” Tony sighed. He leaned his head on her shoulder for a moment before getting up to make his way back to where Peter was seated. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”</p><p>Tony wasn’t going to make any romantic proclamations while they were on a stuffy bus, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to be around Peter in the meantime.</p><p>He was happy to see the boy talking animatedly with his new BFF. He didn’t have the heart to interrupt, but Harley and Peter stopped talking when he approached anyway.</p><p>“Hey, Tony,” Harley said.</p><p>Peter smiled at him with his beautiful brown eyes. Tony noted he was back to wearing pants. His t-shirt had the classic Iron Fitness logo on it, and Peter was wearing his watch. Tony felt like telling Harley to scoot. <em>You’re in my spot. </em>He refrained. “Whatcha guys talking about?”</p><p>“None of your business.”</p><p>“Nothing,” Peter corrected. “I was asking him what there is to do at the compound. What it looked like.”</p><p>“Just Google it.” Tony shrugged.</p><p>“Right.” Peter smacked his head. “I guess that would be a smart idea.”</p><p>Tony smirked. “Well, we’re about an hour out. You’ll see it for yourself soon enough.”</p><p>“Hey can we stop?” Harley asked. “I’m thirsty. Wouldn’t mind getting a little something for the rest of the ride up.”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Do I look like the bus driver?”</p><p>“Do you want me to answer that?”</p><p>“Rude,” Tony remarked. “So rude.”</p><p>“Anyway, I’ll leave you two to whatever it was that you were gossiping about. If you need some magazines or elastics for braiding hair, just ask Loki. I’m sure he’ll be happy to share.”</p><p>Tony didn’t frown until he was out of Peter’s sight. He’d been happy that Peter was getting along with Harley, but now it seemed like they were bonding a little too much. Harley was closer to Peter’s age, and maybe more his type. He’d felt confident when he told Pepper only minutes before that he wanted to take a chance, but pesky self-doubt clouded his mind. Maybe Peter just wanted to have a good time on the trip and talk with new and different people. Younger people.</p><p>He was relieved when Natasha called him over, so he didn’t look like an idiot pacing down the aisle of the bus.</p><p>“Hey, Tony. You seem troubled.”</p><p>Tony sat in the empty seat next to her. Sam must’ve been in the bathroom.</p><p>“Me? Never.”</p><p>“You’re thinking about Peter, aren’t you?”</p><p>“I’m thinking about lots of things.”</p><p>“Oh please, it’s all over your face.”</p><p>Tony touched his face to see if he could feel what she was talking about.</p><p>“Ha ha.” She rolled her eyes.</p><p>Tony sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”</p><p>“What are you trying to do?”</p><p>“I’m working up to a confession,” Tony admitted. “Now I’m not so sure.”</p><p>“Because of that scrawny kid?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony huffed. “They’re besties all of a sudden. Harley’s a little bastard, too. I wouldn’t doubt if he made a move this weekend, meanwhile I’ve been lollygagging for months.”</p><p>“First of all, never say lollygagging again,” Natasha warned.</p><p>“Noted.”</p><p>“Second of all, they’re talking about you, dumbass.”</p><p>“Oh?” Tony feigned disinterest.</p><p>“Yeah.” Natasha smirked. “Right now Peter’s asking him if you two have had a thing.”</p><p>“What? That’s preposterous. I—”</p><p>“Shh. I’m trying to hear.”</p><p>Tony had no idea how she could hear that over the chattering of fifty-odd people and the rumble of the bus.</p><p>“Yeah, Harley just told him you were like his weird uncle and that you can’t stand him.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t go that far. He’s annoying, but he’s not that bad. What did Peter say?”</p><p>Natasha held a finger up. “Damn, there it goes. I didn’t get the last bit.”</p><p>Tony frowned.</p><p>“Anyway, relax, big boy. Seems like Peter is just as jealous as you are.”</p><p>“He’s got nothing to be jealous of. I can barely tolerate Harley for five minutes. He—”</p><p>“What the hell, man?” Sam asked. “I go to the can for two seconds and you’re in my seat?”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Wow, okay, he’s all yours, Romanoff. Jesus.”</p><p>“Thanks so much,” Natasha called.</p><p>“No, thank <em>you</em>.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Peter was relieved to get off the bus when they finally arrived. The ride up the driveway had taken a few minutes alone which spoke to how large the compound was. The main building was huge and futuristic with white panelling, interspersed with either concrete or glass. It was surrounded by a green sprawl as far as the eye could see, and Peter noticed trails spanning across the lawn heading into a nearby wooded area.  </p><p>Even further past the building, Peter could see a gated area for parking, a pool that looked bigger than Olympic size, and areas of asphalt with basketball nets. There were a couple different fenced tennis courts, as well. He could only see one side of the building, but he imagined there was just as much the opposite way. He couldn’t imagine how sleek and fancy it would be indoors.</p><p>He stood off to the side with his backpack and gaped openly at the proof of Tony’s success. It was beyond impressive. It took a while for everyone to lumber off the bus and gather their luggage, and then Happy’s shrill whistle rose above the noise of the crowd. He announced that everyone should make their way inside to get the keys to their rooms, and then after that everyone was to meet in the dining hall for lunch and a brief welcome speech. His stomach had butterflies in it on Tony’s behalf. He hated public speaking.</p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p>Peter turned to face Tony. “It’s amazing, Tony. I don’t even know what to say.”</p><p>Tony didn’t say anything.</p><p>“It’s impressive. You must’ve had to work really hard for this.”</p><p>“Nah,” Tony admitted. “Once you get to a certain point, everything’s just passive income.”</p><p>“You said yourself you put in twenty-hour workdays,” Peter argued.</p><p>Tony clapped Peter on the shoulder. “Come on, let’s skedaddle. Beat the crowd.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter accepted eagerly. He walked beside Tony to the front doors.</p><p>Inside was even more luxurious if that was possible. There was a wall of plants and a waterfall in the lobby, and the whole thing looked like a futuristic palace. It matched the aesthetic of the Iron Fitness gym too, which Peter had always secretly thought looked like World Gym from the movie Dodgeball.</p><p>They were immediately greeted by a worker. “Mr. Stark. How was the ride up?”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Slow.”</p><p>The woman nodded sympathetically before addressing Peter. “And for you, sir?”</p><p>Peter hesitated for a moment too long, too overwhelmed to speak. “Uh, great. Yeah. How are you?”</p><p>He followed Tony and the lady to the concierge desk.</p><p>“That’s Peter Parker,” Tony explained to the man behind the desk. “He needs his keycard.”</p><p>Peter noticed the frazzled expression on the man’s face. He kept glancing to the front doors that were about to give way to a swarm of eager vacationers. He was about to get bombarded, and Peter knew the feeling well since he’d suffered some brutal lineups at Delmar’s in his day.</p><p>“Yes, sir.”</p><p>“Are the programs in the rooms already?” Tony wondered.</p><p>“Yes, along with a map of the grounds,” the woman assured. “The gifts bags have also been prepared.”</p><p>Peter adjusted his backpack. He felt like he was in a movie. The way Tony held himself was so admirable, and everything belonged to him, and he was so confident and commanding without seeming like a dick, either. Peter let himself imagine it was just the two of them at a resort all to themselves where he wouldn’t have to share Tony’s attention with anybody else.</p><p>The man handed a white envelope to Peter. “You’re all set, Mr. Parker. Enjoy the Stark Retreat.”</p><p>“Thank you so much.”</p><p>Peter grabbed the envelope with the key card and waited for Tony to get his.</p><p>“Thanks,” Peter said once Tony was done. “I would’ve been so nervous to do that.”</p><p>Tony smiled.</p><p>“This whole place feels like we’re in a simulation. It’s so…white and streamlined. So fancy,” Peter remarked. “Like, I’m surprised the staff wasn’t wearing white scrubs and white labcoats.”</p><p>“Don’t speak so soon… wait until you see the massage therapists and the nail technicians, and the acupuncturists, and the suction cuppers—whatever the hell they’re called—they all wear white scrubs.”</p><p>“I knew there had to be white uniforms of some kind.” Peter laughed.</p><p>Tony led them to the elevator, which was all glass, of course. “You’re in the wellness wing,” Tony said. “That’s fourth floor.”</p><p>“How many wings are there?”</p><p>“Ten,” Tony replied. “All the names are alliterative too.”</p><p>“What like ‘sports sector’?”</p><p>“Yes,” Tony confirmed. “Thought you might think that was funny.”</p><p>Peter grinned.</p><p>“You can check out the map in the pamphlet to see which amenities are closest to you.”</p><p>“Right.” Peter nodded slowly. That was a normal thing people said if they owned a multimillion-dollar resort.</p><p>Tony nodded. “There’s lots to do around here. You won’t be bored, that’s for sure. Whether you decide to kick back alone in your room until Monday or join in on some group activities.”</p><p>“What kind of group activities?”</p><p>“We get a projector going in the dining hall to show movies. I wanted to add a separate auditorium for that, but the planners decided to go with more rooms for people to sleep in, which ended up working out. Um, there’s a couple firepits outside, so you can join in around a campfire if that’s your thing, there’s yoga classes, daily hikes, volleyball, basketball, aqua fitness,” Tony listed, running a hand through his hair.</p><p>“Damn. You know, it kinda feels like summer camp except fancier and cooler.”</p><p>Tony huffed. “I didn’t hold back on anything. Except that auditorium…and hey, I don’t know if group circle type stuff is up your alley, but there are guest speakers coming everyday and group meetings for different things. It’s all listed.”</p><p>“I keep hearing so much about this pamphlet,” Peter replied. “I can’t wait to finally meet it.”</p><p>That earned a smirk from Tony.</p><p>Tony walked Peter from the elevator and down a long hallway, all the way to his door where he made a sweeping gesture. “Your stay rooms.”</p><p>“Thanks, Tony.”</p><p>“Absolutely. Listen, I gotta head down to make sure everyone’s doing what they’re supposed to, but I’ll see you later.”</p><p>Peter wondered if he would ever have the kind of confidence that would lead him to kiss Tony and pull him into the room and onto a bed that was probably ridiculously soft, or if he would have to wait until his next life. He’d been toying with the idea of confessing his feelings to Tony during the retreat, and here was the perfect chance. They were all alone. Nobody would even see them slip into the room.</p><p>“Okay. I appreciate the head start.”</p><p>“’Course.”</p><p>“Uhm, bye.” Peter winced at his own awkwardness. “See you down there.”</p><p>Tony lingered for another moment. “Catch you later.”</p><p>Peter watched Tony walk back toward the elevator for way too long before he finally inserted the card into the door and entered the room. He strongly considered staying in there for the rest of the trip so he wouldn’t have to see or speak to anyone.</p><p> </p><p>The first thing Peter saw in his room was a red Supreme duffel bag on his bed with a notecard next to it. He read the note first, and even though it was a generic greeting welcoming him to the 2019 Stark Retreat, it was still amazing.</p><p>He unzipped the bag, pulling out various Iron Fitness merch, supplement and vitamin samples, a prepaid Visa card, and a pair of AirPods, He knew that Tony was a millionaire, and he’d seen his fancy penthouse and cars firsthand, but knowing he could afford these packs for a few hundred people was next level.</p><p>He got his hands on the program Tony kept mentioning, and true to the man’s word, it had absolutely everything listed. When meals would be served, which movies were playing on which days, which group sessions were where and who was hosting them, and information on how to book spa appointments, and where to sign out bikes for the trails, and equipment for everything else, and on and on.</p><p>Peter was so overwhelmed he had no idea what he wanted to do first. Four days seemed like too little of time to enjoy everything.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The dining hall where everyone was supposed to gather for lunch was huge and reminded Peter of the cafeteria at his school with its white walls and endless rows of tables. The only difference was that there were no uncomfortable picnic table type contraptions to sit on, but actual chairs. Also, there was a strategically barren wall on one side of the room where Peter guessed the movies would be projected.</p><p>In the centre of the room, there were carts with inserts of stainless-steel trays. Peter also spotted a salad bar, a dessert station, and an entire ice-filled cart designated for beverages. He loved buffet style setups since it meant he could portion his food himself.</p><p>Peter recognized a few people from Steve’s birthday party like Peggy and Darcy, but everyone else was a complete stranger to him. He was glad that he’d made friends with everybody at his Iron Fitness because it made things a lot less intimidating when he knew he had some people to turn to.</p><p>He spotted Bucky first who, to his relief, waved him over—he’d wondered if maybe the man was mad at him for standing up for Tony when it came to putting him in the lake, but apparently not. Peter went to sit with him and Steve, and Natasha arrived shortly after and sat in the chair next to him.</p><p>He saw Harley enter the room and waved to him, although he was nervous to do that in case he rejected the invitation, but he smiled and came over. “Hey, dude, how’d you like the sick Supreme bags?”</p><p>“Supremely cool,” Peter commented.</p><p>“Agreed.” Bucky held up his hand for a high-five.</p><p>Natasha nodded appreciatively too. “Very nice.”</p><p>“Good,” Harley said, “because as the head of marketing I had more say than anyone about what went in them.”</p><p>“Congratulations.” Sam came out of nowhere like he usually did just in time to make a sarcastic comment. “We’re all happy for you.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Harley beamed.</p><p> </p><p>Tony went to the front of the room loosely followed by Pepper and Happy and a couple other people Peter didn’t know. As soon as he stepped in front of everyone they settled down, and Peter felt a surge of pride for Tony and his commanding presence.</p><p>Peter had gotten the scoop when he’d walked with Tony by himself, but he still paid attention while Tony welcomed everybody and further explained things mentioned in the pamphlet. He gave some anecdote-based reminders of what not to do with golf carts and how the movie choices weren’t up for debate, and to please not urinate outdoors since there were plenty of bathroom facilities located throughout the property. After he was done, Pepper and someone who turned out to be the manager of the compound spoke, and then everyone was invited to line up for the banquet-style lunch.</p><p>After lunch, everyone at their table discussed what they were off to do. Natasha explained that she was going to try and spend every waking minute in the spa which Peter could appreciate. He wouldn’t have minded getting a massage, but the idea of a stranger touching him didn’t excite him. Steve and Bucky said they were going to get a game of volleyball going. Sam and Bruce both agreed that they were going to be doing fuck all and watching TV in their rooms. That left Harley and Peter to decide their own itinerary for the evening.</p><p>Peter pulled the pamphlet out of his pocket and opened it up on the table to examine. “Dinner’s at 6, so we got like five hours to kill.”</p><p>“Do you like swimming?”</p><p>“Um,” Peter hesitated. “Not exactly.” He really only felt comfortable with Tony when it came to swimming. Not that he thought Harley was a dick, but he’d only known him for a few hours.</p><p>“Okay, wanna just walk around and see what we find? It says here that archery lessons start at 2.”</p><p>“That sounds cool,” Peter agreed. “I’ve never done archery before.”</p><p>“Then it’s settled, come on.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter had enjoyed “Bows with Barton”, but his arms and shoulders hated it. He hadn’t been terrible, but he definitely wouldn’t be trying it again.</p><p>After archery lessons, he and Harley walked the grounds searching for something fun to do. They ended up stopping by the basketball courts where a very intense and dirty looking game was underway. Peter could only tell who was on what team because it was guys on girls. The only person Peter recognized on the court was Nebula, and she was killing it. There was no way he was going against her.</p><p>“Hey, we wanna play!” Harley called.</p><p>Peter widened his eyes and looked at Harley. “Dude, I don’t know how to play basketball.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“I’m gonna get creamed out there, and besides, we can’t just join a game halfway through.”</p><p>“No, you won’t, and yes we can,” Harley assured. He ran onto the court and stole the ball away from one of the women and ran down the court with it.</p><p>Peter had to laugh when Nebula sprinted up to Harley and got the ball back for her team after knocking him to the ground with a snarled, “Idiot.”</p><p>Harley got up and brushed himself off. “Come on, Peter.”</p><p>“We could use all the help we can get,” another man called. “Come on!”</p><p>Peter grimaced and jogged onto the court, and the man who’d invited him to play clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m T’Challa.”</p><p>“I’m Peter, and I hope you know I suck at basketball.”</p><p>“Compared to her, we all do.”</p><p>Peter thought he could taste blood in his mouth from all the jogging he was doing. He had no concept of which positions did what or how many points certain shots earned, but he was an extra body, and he did his best. He didn’t score any baskets of his own, but he was able to catch a few rebounds and get them to his team.</p><p>The men lost by an embarrassingly high number, but it was worth it to see Nebula smile victoriously. Peter would’ve blushed when she said she was glad he’d come to play if his face wasn’t already beet red.</p><p>“It was fun,” Nebula offered. “With some practice, you might not suck so bad.”</p><p>“Thanks. You’re amazing, seriously. Where’d you learn to play?”</p><p>Nebula frowned before answering. “I was forced to excel at all sports throughout my youth. Eventually I played varsity and almost went pro, but…things happen. I wasn’t able to continue.”</p><p>“Oh, that sucks,” Peter offered, “sorry.”</p><p>“It’s fine.”</p><p>Peter smiled and held out his hand to Nebula for another high-five, and then he and Harley were on their way back to their rooms to change before dinner.</p><p>“Thanks for making me play,” Peter offered to Harley while they walked back to the compound.</p><p>“It’s cool. I know the retreat can be intimidating, and I know you’re new, so…thought I’d take you under my wing until you can learn to fly on your own.”</p><p>“Wow,” Peter said. “Didn’t know you were so poetic.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right, that was super lame.”</p><p>“Anyway,” Peter laughed, “see you at dinner. I’ll wait for you by that plant wall in the lobby.”</p><p>“Sweet.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>There was so much selection at dinner that Peter couldn’t decide if he was in heaven or hell. He looked around to see everyone else piling their plates high and briefly considered if he should follow suit. He must’ve burned a ton of calories during the basketball game. He decided to take a regular portion of the food he wanted, and told himself that if he really needed to, he could go back for seconds.</p><p>Peter didn’t expect anyone else except those he already knew, and Harley to speak to him, but a cheerful fellow approached him while he was heading back to his table.</p><p>“You look new! I haven’t seen you around before. I’m Scott.”</p><p>“Hey, man. Nice to meet you. I’m Peter.”</p><p>“Do you work at the gym or are you from the office?”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said in surprise. “At the gym. How could you tell?”</p><p>“Statistical probability. Plus you just have the gym look.”</p><p>Peter scrunched up his face. Was this guy kidding? “How about you?”</p><p>“I’m one of the bowling alley people,” Scott explained. “We’re in the minority, but we really know how to party if you know what I mean.”</p><p>Peter didn’t know, but he nodded his head like he did.</p><p>“How is working at a bowling alley?”</p><p>“Admittedly not my first choice. I have a master’s degree in electrical engineering, but you know, when you got a record, that doesn’t matter.”</p><p>“That sucks. I’m sorry.” Peter wondered if he had a sign on his face that said, “tell me your life story”, or if Scott was just forthcoming and talkative. It was actually endearing.</p><p>Peter led them back to where Harley was already sitting.</p><p>“It’s cool. With a bag like Tony gave us, I can sell it and have rent for a year, so it doesn’t matter.”</p><p>“Right, well I’m actually going to be going to school for engineering, although not electrical.”</p><p>“No shit?” Scott stuffed almost an entire taco in his mouth after he spoke.</p><p>Scott turned to Harley next. “Hey, man. Who are you?”</p><p>“Harley,” he replied around a mouthful of bread.</p><p>“Oh, like the motorcycle. I stole one of those once.”</p><p> </p><p>When they were halfway through their food, a man named Eddie came up and introduced himself. Peter tried not to balk since the man had enough food on his tray to feed five people at least. He felt a pang in his chest at the thought that he could easily put that meal away if he wanted to. It was hard not to focus on what everyone else was eating. It was either more than he wanted to fit into his calories, or way less, and both made him feel a strange sort of envy since it gave him the feeling that he wasn’t doing enough. If he exercised more, he could eat more, or if he ate a little less, he could be as tiny as some of the people around him. Even those who took similar portions to him were under his scrutiny because if they were eating the same thing how come they got to look better?</p><p>Peter kept his eyes on his own tray and decided to distract himself by asking Eddie what he did to get a spot on the trip.</p><p>“Oh, all kinds of stuff. I used to be in investigative journalism, but that didn’t pan out too good, so now I work in the office with Stark, researching, checking buildings out before he buys ‘em, handling people when they get out of line. Doesn’t happen too often, but it happens.”</p><p>“Jesus,” Scott commented. “You sound scary. Doesn’t he sound scary?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “You make it sound like Tony’s involved in shady stuff.”</p><p>“No, no, we just don’t trust anybody.”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. Eddie seemed completely deranged, but he guessed that was fair if he was the muscle in Tony’s operation. “So do you know Shuri, then?” If Eddie was checking out buildings before Tony acquired them, it would only make sense that he was somewhat involved with Shuri who seemed to have a lot of say in Tony’s real estate ventures.</p><p>“Yep.” Eddie nodded. “Smart lady. I go with her to check stuff out.”</p><p>The more Peter learned about how extensive Tony’s company was, the more intimidated he got. Especially since he already felt inadequate compared to the man in every way. How was he supposed to get Tony to be in a relationship with him if he had an entire empire of employees and properties and buildings, and just so much going for him. It was crazy.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter decided to stay indoors for the movie after dinner was over. He felt like maybe he should try to go out of his comfort zone and join in on some of the sports, or maybe go check out the spa since it was close to his room in the wellness wing, but he’d already done archery and basketball, and didn’t see the point of forcing himself to do more things for no reason. It was a vacation, after all, and they were playing the Back to the Future trilogy as a triple-feature.</p><p>The kitchen crew served up all sorts of snacks and set up a frozen yogurt bar, and Peter was once again in his own personal heaven and hell. Scott ended up staying with him to watch the movie, claiming it was his favourite, while Harley and Eddie went swimming. Peter had no idea how Harley still had energy to do more activities and to keep up with Eddie’s crackhead energy, but to each their own.</p><p>Peter wondered what Tony was up to since he hadn’t seen or heard from him since their elevator ride. He kind of wanted to text him goodnight and that he hoped he was having a good time, but he felt weird doing so when they were under the same roof.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The morning after, Peter woke up early since he was used to getting up at the ass crack of dawn for work. He wasn’t the first one in the dining hall by any means since most people were early risers. Peter smiled when he saw Steve who was pointedly without Bucky. His smile was accompanied with an erratic heartbeat when he noticed Tony sitting with Happy and Pepper at one of the tables at the front of the room. They were all drinking coffee with no food, so he didn’t exactly want to sit with them and be the only one eating.</p><p>He was about to walk over and say hi at least, but he hesitated. Maybe they were working or having a meeting? Peter was preparing to leave the hall altogether when he heard his name being called.</p><p>He turned around to see Karen jogging up to him and waving.</p><p>“Karen? What are you doing here?” Peter scrunched his face at the idiotic question. “I mean, I didn’t see you on the bus. I didn’t know you were here at all.”</p><p>“No, don’t be. We must’ve got put on different buses, and never crossed paths since this place is so big. I’m having the best time.”</p><p>Peter preened on Tony’s behalf, and he also felt pleased for asking Tony to let the new hires come. He was glad Karen was having a good time; she deserved it.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s so awesome here. I don’t think I ever want to leave.”</p><p>Karen agreed.</p><p>“Hey, uh, do you want to get breakfast with me?” Peter wondered.</p><p>“I’d love to.”</p><p>Peter walked with her to grab a plate, and when he finally got the courage to look back in Tony’s direction, the man was already watching and smiling. He felt his cheeks heat, and he waved.</p><p>Tony gave him the Vulcan salute, and Peter broke out into an obscenely big grin.</p><p>By the time he and Karen finished making their plates, it looked like Tony was finishing up, and Peter tried not to be disappointed, but he couldn’t help it. It didn’t feel good to have Tony in such close proximity but so far out of reach. He was busy and important, and Peter knew that, but he was so used to it just being the two of them. He hated not knowing how to approach Tony and feeling like maybe he wasn’t allowed to talk to him. He hated caring what other people might think if they saw him latching on to the boss.</p><p>He sat down with Karen at the table, unsure if he even wanted anything anymore.</p><p>“Tony’s coming over here,” Karen whispered. “Be cool.”</p><p>That was the worst possible thing Karen could’ve said because his first instinct was to whip his head around and look.</p><p>Tony pulled out the chair next to him and sat down.</p><p>“Morning, you two.”</p><p>“Good morning, Mr. Stark.”</p><p>“Hi,” Peter replied.</p><p>“Are you having fun?” Tony asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter said. “It’s cool.”</p><p>“Doesn’t sound like it,” Tony commented.</p><p>Peter shrugged. What was he supposed to say? <em>Yeah, it’s fun and these people are cool, but I want to spend time with you. </em>“How about you? Are you having fun, or is it just work?”</p><p>“I think I slept two hours last night,” Tony admitted. “Usually the staff runs fine, you know, they’re pretty independent, but because I’m here…I think I make them nervous, so they keep second guessing everything and trying to make sure I approve of every little thing…I’m ready to chuck my phone into the jacuzzi and pretend I’m gone.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “Have you eaten breakfast?”</p><p>“Three coffees,” Tony explained.</p><p>“I’ll get you something,” Peter offered. “No sleep and no food isn’t going to make it any better.”</p><p>Peter got up from the table before the man could protest and went to get Tony an assortment of things he thought he might like. He chose a bottle of water from the drink cart and brought it all back to Tony.</p><p>“Here,” Peter said.</p><p>Tony looked up at him and smiled. “Thanks, Pete. You didn’t have to. I’m the adult… I should be giving you breakfast.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. “You technically did since you bought it. I just served it. It’s nothing.”</p><p>Tony shook his head and started eating.</p><p>As soon as Tony was looking away Karen widened her eyes at Peter and gave him a discreet thumbs up.</p><p>“So what did you do yesterday?” Tony asked nobody in particular, although Peter was pretty sure it was meant for him.</p><p>“Oh, I played basketball with Harley and Nebula, and this guy T’Challa, I tried archery too. Not really a fan. Then I stayed in for the rest of the night with Scott…I don’t know how well you know everybody, but he’s one of the bowling guys, and we watched the movie, well, movies.”</p><p>Tony nodded appreciatively. “I thought I saw you with Eddie, too. How’d you find him?”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. “He’s, uh, interesting. I’ll give you that. He honestly makes you seem like less of a cult leader and more of a mob boss.”</p><p>Tony laughed at that. “I can’t even argue with you. Did he give you the story about how he goes with Shuri to check stuff out?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Yeah, guy’s scared of his own shadow. Shuri’s the one with the backbone.”</p><p>“No kidding,” Peter said.</p><p>Tony nodded and took the last bite of food on his plate.</p><p>“How about you, Karen? What’s your favourite part been?”</p><p>Karen looked surprised at being addressed by Tony. Peter felt bad that he hadn’t tried to include her more in the conversation.</p><p>“The spa,” Karen said wistfully. “Definitely the spa. I think I’ve got bookings for one of everything.”</p><p>“Fantastic,” Tony approved. “Glad you guys are having a good time.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter replied. “It’s awesome. Maybe you’ll start trying to have a good time too…”</p><p>“Maybe,” Tony said. “My morning’s already improved drastically.”</p><p>Peter ducked his head.</p><p>“Peter,” Karen spoke. “Yoga’s starting in fifteen minutes, so I’m going to head over. Are you coming, or?”</p><p>“Oh,” Tony said. “Right, I’ll let you get to it.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter replied. “Yeah. Yoga.”</p><p>“I’m tempted to join you,” Tony admitted.</p><p>“Why don’t you?”</p><p>“I have more work to do.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “All right. I guess I’ll see you?”</p><p>“You will. I’ll find you later.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed. Finally, some good news. “Later.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter knew Karen was being quiet on purpose while they walked to yoga.</p><p>“Just say it,” Peter sighed.</p><p>“Oh my God, you guys are so cute. It’s ridiculous. I don’t know how you’re not together yet. Every time I see you together I feel like I could just burst.”</p><p>“Wow, Karen, tell me how you really feel,” Peter joked.</p><p>“If one of you doesn’t make a move soon and just admit it, I’m going to knock both of your heads together. I swear, Peter.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s arms were still sore from the archer’s abuse, so he couldn’t do his absolute best, but he kept up to everybody better than he thought—especially since the class was definitely not for beginners. His only troubles were that he lacked the flexibility to touch his toes, and that the instructor was so talented that he almost fell asleep during the end.</p><p> </p><p>Lunchtime arrived more quickly than he’d anticipated, and he felt the familiar sense of satisfaction at not having been obsessing over when the next meal would be. It always made him feel happy when he was fully immersed in the activities he was doing and the conversations he was having instead of concentrating on food. It made him feel hopeful and proud when he realized food was weighing less and less on his mind.</p><p>Karen stuck with him throughout the meal, and eventually he got the chance to introduce Harley, Eddie, and Scott to her when they showed up to eat. They all decided that they wanted to go on the group hike.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter found himself alone after dinner since Karen had a massage booked and Harley wanted to stay in with Eddie and Scott to watch more movies. Normally he would’ve just stayed in, but he felt like doing something different and maybe trying to make some friends without Harley’s help or without someone approaching him first. He decided to explore the firepits Tony had mentioned and see what the campfire crew was up to.</p><p>He saw a few people playing guitars that they must’ve brought with them. He decided to be brave and sit next to a stranger.</p><p>“Oh hi, there,” the man said.</p><p>“Hey,” Peter greeted. “Is it okay if I sit here?”</p><p>“Any day of the week.”</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“I’m Wade. Wade Wilson, like the volleyball from Cast Away.”</p><p>Peter grinned. “I’m Peter Parker, like no one.”</p><p>Wade laughed. “Our first names and last names both start with the same letter. That’s neat.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed.</p><p>“So do you play?” Wade gestured at the guy holding an acoustic guitar. “Please say yes, because this guy can’t play for shit.”</p><p>“I do actually,” Peter admitted. “I mean, he sounds okay, though.”</p><p>“You’re sweet.”</p><p>Peter turned away and paid more attention to the person trying his best to play the intro to Island in the Sun, but his best wasn’t quite good enough for the crowd’s standards.</p><p>“Shit. I can’t get it,” the man complained. “Anyone else play?”</p><p>Peter blushed and panicked when Wade volunteered him. “Thank God. He does. This is Peter.”</p><p>The guy holding the guitar frowned. “That’s my name.”</p><p>“We’ll call you Peter 2, then,” Wade said. “This is Peter 1 since he’s better looking.”</p><p>The woman who’d been singing told Peter 2 to shut up and give up the guitar so she could get through a verse without cringing.</p><p>Peter took the guitar from the other Peter who begrudgingly offered it.</p><p>Peter started playing and relaxed when those who were listening to him seemed to relax as well since the mediocre stylings of Peter 2 hadn’t cut it.</p><p>“It’s like he’s got fifteen fingers,” Wade complimented. “I discovered him, everybody. Just so you know.”</p><p>Before Peter knew it, he’d already played three songs, and mostly everyone was singling along. He had to work not to fumble when he looked up in the middle of a song and saw Tony standing right beside Wade. He willed himself not to mess up.</p><p>Peter continued playing, only looking up every so often. He felt satisfied since Tony’s presence didn’t appear to be making anyone uncomfortable. He would have to remember to remind Tony that he was a fun boss. Just like he’d said.</p><p>Peter was thrilled when Tony stuck around through a Greenday song that was one of his favourites to play.</p><p>The thrill turned to panic when Tony requested that he play Stairway to Heaven next.</p><p>“Are you sure? We don’t have a flute,” Peter said. “It’ll probably sound lame.”</p><p>He’d hoped Tony would answer him, but Wade cut in. “Who cares? You’re amazing, Peter. I could listen to you play anything.”</p><p>Peter glanced at Tony to see if he’d heard the compliment. Maybe if others praised him, Tony would see for himself how good he could be.</p><p>“Keep it in your pants, Wade,” Tony replied.</p><p>“Up to you, Pete,” Tony said. “If you can handle it, then I want to hear it.”</p><p>“How come it’s okay when you say it?” Wade complained.</p><p>Peter was about to respond, but then a woman who he hadn’t heard speak yet interrupted. “Would both of you fools please be quiet. I’d like to hear the boy, not you.”</p><p>“Yes, Okoye. Sorry Okoye,” Wade offered.</p><p>Peter laughed and the woman winked at him, and then he got to playing.</p><p>By the time Peter got to the solo part of the song, he was worried it might not sound the best on an acoustic guitar, and without accompaniment, but he decided to dive in, and just play it. He thought it sounded a bit off, but he realized it was because the purple-haired woman, Peter 2, and Wade weren’t singing anymore. It was just him. He was too nervous to look up to see everyone’s expressions, but he had no choice once he finished the song.</p><p>Everyone clapping and grinning at him had been totally unexpected.</p><p>“Holy shit.” Wade made the sign of the cross.</p><p>Tony looked smug.</p><p>“Uh, on that note, my fingers need a break, so it’s back to you, buddy,” Peter said to the group and then to the other Peter.</p><p>“No thanks,” Peter 2 said. “I can’t compete.”</p><p>“It’s okay. We still love you.”</p><p>“No, Gamora,” a large man grumbled. “We love this new Peter more.”</p><p>Peter felt awkward but appreciative of the positive attention. He decided to call it a night and go back to his room, or maybe go and hide in one of the private whirlpools he’d read about in the pamphlet. The more he thought about it, the more he craved the relaxation. As much as he’d enjoyed playing the guitar and being complimented, his quota for social interaction was full, and he wanted to be alone.</p><p>He told everybody goodbye, and that he’d see them around, but he was going inside. He caught Tony’s eye and smiled before leaving.</p><p> </p><p>He was only walking for a few seconds before Tony was falling in step with him.</p><p>“That was exceptional,” Tony said. “I know you said you were in band, but damn. You sound like you are the band.”</p><p>“It’s nothing.”</p><p>“Didn’t sound like nothing.”</p><p>Peter huffed. “Thank you.”</p><p>“You really impressed Wilson, too.”</p><p>“Wade?” Peter asked. “I guess.”</p><p>“What do you think of him?” Tony wondered.</p><p>“I don’t know. He’s nice. Why?”</p><p>“No, no reason. I see you’re making a lot of friends, that’s all,” Tony explained.</p><p>“What, you didn’t think I could?”</p><p>Tony gave him a look that said <em>obviously you know that’s not true. </em>“I’m glad. Proud. You know, people are seeing what I see.”</p><p>“Yeah, right back at ya.”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Everyone’s always happy to see you,” Peter said, “and I hear everyone talking about what a great time they’re having. Even when you’re not around.”</p><p>Tony shoved his hands in his pockets. “You—”</p><p>“You can say all you want it’s because you’re paying everyone’s way,” Peter continued, “but they don’t have to suck up to you behind your back. Right? Nobody’s paying anyone to say how cool the duffel bags were, or how ‘Stark really goes the extra mile, he didn’t have to do that’.”</p><p>“People said that?”</p><p>“Yes,” Peter confirmed. “Lots of them.”</p><p>“Huh. I guess we have another Natasha on our hands.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Spying, listening, observing.”</p><p>“Well I—I guess,” Peter agreed, “but I don’t do it on purpose. I just have really good hearing.”</p><p>“It’s okay. Your senses are vital to me.” Tony nudged him. “You’re stroking my ego way too much. Pretty soon my head will be too big for any room.”</p><p>The double entendres were too good to pass up, but Peter couldn’t bring himself to say that there’s something else he’d rather be stroking… “Yeah, hopefully you don’t realize you’re way too cool to be hanging out with me anytime soon.”</p><p>“Funny, I was going to say the same to you,” Tony replied. “You have much younger, funner options on the roster. You could be hanging out with them instead of me.”</p><p>“To be fair, you did start walking with me,” Peter joked, “but no, Harley and Karen, and Wade, I guess, they’re fine, but you’re still my favourite.”</p><p>“No take backs. I’m getting that in writing.”</p><p>Peter shook his head. “I don’t have anything on me, but maybe we can borrow some paper from the concierge.”</p><p>“Did you say that just so you could say concierge?”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“I understand.”</p><p>“By the way,” Tony added, “how come you didn’t sit with me at breakfast.”</p><p>“What? I—oh.” Peter blushed. “I didn’t, well, you were with Happy and Pepper, and I didn’t know if you were busy, plus they’re kinda scary, and you guys weren’t eating. I didn’t want to be the only one.”</p><p>“Oh.” Tony’s surprise was evident in his tone. “I have to agree. They are pretty scary, but they like you just fine. You know, Pepper thinks you don’t like her.”</p><p>“Why? What did I do?”</p><p>“The lake. The joke. Ring any bells?”</p><p>“Right.” Peter remembered. “ I don’t know. Sometimes I get defensive, but it’s just because I know that you think people don’t like you, and they make it worse when they say things like that. I know I joke, but I also think I make it pretty clear where I stand.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony replied quietly. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you…there’s something I’ve been meaning to say.”</p><p>Peter’s heart swelled and sank at the same time. Was this finally it? Was Tony going to make his dreams come true? A part of him really thought so, and the darker part of his mind was telling him that this was where Tony told him to back off. Maybe he’d been too obvious and made Tony uncomfortable. He’d gone overboard by saying Tony was his favourite. It was true, though. He wasn’t going to lie about something like that.</p><p>Peter almost tore a hole in his lip while he waited for Tony to continue.</p><p>“You—”</p><p>Peter flinched when thunder rumbled in the sky. A couple warm rain droplets landed on his arm.</p><p>“Shit,” Tony bit.</p><p>“We can beat it,” Peter suggested. “Let’s make a run for it.”</p><p>He took off, gaining a couple seconds of head start, but Tony caught up with him easily.</p><p>It was a long way back to the cover of the building since they had to trek the never-ending landscape sans golf cart, but the jog was fun. They were a couple minutes away from safety when the sky unleashed a downpour.</p><p>“No!” Peter shrieked. The last thing he needed was a wet outfit clinging to him, even in the dark.</p><p>Tony was laughing. “We’re already soaked,” he spoke loudly over the noise of the rain and rumbling sky. “Let’s call it.”</p><p>Peter slowed down to a walk, ceding to the rain since Tony was right; they were already drenched, so what was the point of running?</p><p>Peter burst out laughing when he heard the cries and laughter of everyone from the firepit approaching. He and Tony had had a good head start, but it didn’t matter now. Thor ran past them with a delighted smile, “I love thunderstorms!” The scene was made funnier when Loki trailed after him with a miserable expression.</p><p>Peter couldn’t catch his breath when Wade ran by next and then started skipping. “This is just like Flashdance! You know, because of the scene with the water and the chair. Or was it bullets?”</p><p>“He’s insane,” Tony muttered.</p><p>Finally, they reached the building. Whatever Tony had been about to say was gone. Peter was hyperaware that he was wet from head to toe. In different circumstances, they could’ve continued their conversation. Peter had half a mind to suggest that after they change they should go catch the rest of whatever movie was playing in the dining hall, but taking a real shower, changing into his pyjamas and passing out seemed preferable than enduring a talk with Tony that could potentially be a rejection.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter said, “I guess we can pick this back up tomorrow?” If Tony was going to tell him to cool it with the hints and the compliments, then he could wait to hear it. He pulled at his clingy clothes awkwardly.</p><p>“Definitely,” Tony agreed.</p><p>Peter watched while Tony ran two hands over his dripping hair. Fuck, it wasn’t fair. He looked like a god who’d just emerged from some sort of sacred mountain spring. All that was missing was a toga and a couple of servants waving palm fronds at him.</p><p>“Night, Tony.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed all the mini cameos lmao. I know they're random and silly, but they're also fun.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Proclamation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Day three of the Retreat.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter had exchanged numbers with Harley and Karen, so they could meet up more easily, and he was pleased to see both of them had texted to tell him they were in the dining hall.</p><p>He showered quickly and rode the elevator down to join them.</p><p>For some reason, seeing all of the available breakfast food got to him more than it had previously. Of course there was chopped fruit, protein pancakes, Greek yogurt, and other healthy options available, but there was also croissants, chocolate chip pancakes, breakfast sausages, and maple syrup. Being confronted with readily available food was difficult because there was nothing to stop him from grabbing anything and everything. As much as he liked the buffet style setup since it meant he had more control, it also came with the factor of having less control. No ordering, no paying, no waiting for a waiter to bring it out. Nothing to stop him from accessing extra.</p><p>Peter grimaced and looked around. Why did it have to be so hard? He reminded himself that he’d been extremely active, and he’d been carefully logging all of his nutrition, but he’d made so many similar excuses for himself right before a binge…it felt like the same old story. <em>You walked an extra five steps today, you can have a big breakfast. </em>He truly had been more active, though, and it made sense that he was hungrier.</p><p>Peter reminded himself that it was a vacation, but did that mean an excuse to overindulge? He knew that eating in a calorie surplus wouldn’t kill him as long as it wasn’t excessive, and as long as he didn’t make a habit out of it. That was the thing, though, could he trust himself to get back on track for the next meal, or even on the next day?</p><p>He’d gone over his calories that day with Tony at the diner, but the pizza burger and curly fries had seemed so tasty. All of life wasn’t dieting. It was dinners with friends and loved ones. Holidays, parties, and celebrations were part of being alive. Food was culture and careers for people, and for every day of indulgence there were thirty more days to be on track. Why waste energy questioning caloric values and wondering if you deserved to eat when you could be kind to yourself and spend energy being present? Peter thought of how much he’d learned about Tony during that meal because he was paying attention to the man himself instead of agonizing over a meal choice.</p><p>Peter contemplated what it was that he actually wanted to eat, and considered if he truly wanted to overeat, or if his nervousness was a kneejerk reaction from being presented with so many options.</p><p>He watched a couple other people come and go before he decided to grab a couple of scoops of eggs with one slice of bacon and one sausage link. He added one chocolate chip pancake for good measure and poured out two tablespoons worth of syrup. A big breakfast that wouldn’t put him over for the day and that wouldn’t leave him wanting, either. No need to be rigid. He was fine. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter felt even more secure with his breakfast choices when his small group decided to go on another hike. All the extra calories he was burning must’ve been increasing his appetite, and he enjoyed the feeling of being in tune with his body even if it was nerve wracking to start listening to it since listening to it before hadn’t led to any good.</p><p>He was contemplative while he waited with Harley and Karen by the trail. The group leader wanted to give a few more people the chance to join before they left.</p><p>“What’s on your mind?” Karen wondered. “You’re quiet today.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Just tired.”</p><p>Karen frowned, but she didn’t push it.</p><p>Bucky and Steve approached the group next with Bruce and Sam in tow.</p><p>“What happened to staying inside and doing nothing?” Peter asked them.</p><p>Bucky grinned maniacally and pointed to himself. “I told them there was pizza being delivered and served outside as a special treat. They were stupid enough to believe it.”</p><p>Steve smiled.</p><p>“Yeah, very funny, asshole,” Sam remarked. “We’ll see how I get you back for this.”</p><p>Peter looked at Bruce who seemed irritated but not as pissed as Sam.</p><p>“Ready to go?” The group leader asked.</p><p>“Hell yeah,” Bucky cheered.</p><p>“Let’s see if you can keep up.”</p><p>Peter shook his head since that meant Harley, Steve, and Sam all shot to the front of the group to prove that they could indeed keep up.</p><p>Karen, Peter, and Bucky made up the middle of the group while Bruce kept further back than anyone.</p><p>Peter kept turning around to make sure that Bruce was still nearby.</p><p>Everyone else was mostly in sight, and Peter found himself wondering what Tony was up to. If he’d eaten breakfast or not. If he’d slept better.</p><p>He smiled to himself when he thought of how the man had stayed to listen to him play guitar, and how he’d run with him in the rain. <em>What was he going to tell me?</em></p><p>Peter was glad that Karen and Bucky weren’t too talkative during the walk since he was retreating further into his mind as the hike carried on.</p><p>He thought of how much of a blessing it was getting to see Tony in action. Peter had seen a lot of different sides to Tony throughout the course of their friendship, but seeing the man take action and wrangle a few hundred people without breaking a sweat, and seeing how everyone listened to him, and witnessing his confidence was such a turn on. Even more so because Peter knew what Tony had been through and knew about the vulnerability underneath the perfect exterior. How lucky he was that Tony had shared himself like that with him.</p><p>Peter felt like he knew Tony better than anyone there, even though they’d known him longer, Peter doubted many of them had spent much one on one time with him. He felt smug at the thought that he knew Tony as more than a boss. Nobody had any clue what they were missing, and although it saddened Peter that Tony felt lonely beneath his confident demeanour, he also felt grateful that it was reserved for those closest to him.</p><p>He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but he couldn’t shake the feeling. He knew he could be good for Tony if the man would just let him. He knew he didn’t have the nicest body, but maybe what he had inside of him could be enough for Tony.</p><p>Part of him thought that he was delusional for thinking Tony could ever be interested in him romantically, and another part of him thought he was delusional for thinking the opposite. When he compiled all the evidence of how much Tony was going out of his way just to spend time with him, and how supportive he always was, how he’d sat through a boring graduation just to be there for him. And the gifts, and the kept card and birthday note, and the rides, and the compliments…</p><p>Peter had excuses and explanations for all of it, and he could list examples of why it was ridiculous to think Tony wanted him. Not even accounting for their physical differences, but the age, and the disparity of wealth. Tony had suggested he should go out with Shuri, and they’d been in bed together all night and nothing had happened. According to MJ that was a good thing, and Peter saw her point of view, but it was all so frustrating. Tony had slept with his arms around him, and he hadn’t been disgusted. Peter smiled when he remembered Tony running a hand through his sweat and wiping it on himself. It was months ago, but it reminded him of how awesome Tony was. Even in the beginning, he’d been sweet. He hadn’t even liked Tony touching him at all then, and now he initiated hugs with the man, and had even shared a bed with him. He was comfortable with Tony, and it seemed like he was comfortable with him in return.</p><p>As special as he felt for all the stuff Tony had purchased for him, and as much as he appreciated all of it, he wondered if he was reading too much into it. After all, Tony had offered him a pair of thousand-dollar shoes as if they were nothing, and he’d given thousand-dollar gifts to everybody at the retreat. He wondered if it was a possibility that both sides of his dilemma could be true at the same time. Maybe Tony was generous in general and liked him enough to spoil him with gifts. Or maybe he was seeing things that weren’t there because Mr. Delmar and May had insisted that Tony was interested in him. He hated the way they made it sound like a bad thing. But then there was Karen’s encouragement, as well. Could so many people be wrong?</p><p>Peter realized he was falling too behind from the group and getting closer to Bruce than he was to Bucky and Karen. He jogged to catch back up.</p><p>“Hey,” Peter greeted.</p><p>“Hey,” Karen replied. “You’re pretty deep in thought.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed.</p><p>Bucky glanced at him and smiled. “Thinking about your hero?”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. Bucky was absolutely right.</p><p>He felt like asking Bucky what he thought. He’d known Tony for a while, and he’d been there the night they met. Maybe he had some advice to give. Anything.</p><p>“Bucky!”</p><p>“Here, Steve,” Bucky called.</p><p>Peter laughed. “Look who’s talking. You guys can’t even be apart for five minutes.”</p><p>Bucky grinned at Peter and then Steve was grabbing his hand and pulling him out of formation.</p><p>It would’ve been cute to watch in normal circumstances, and maybe if he’d been in a better mood, he would’ve laughed and made fun of them, but as it was, watching two people in love hold hands when he had nothing but an unrequited crush was painful.</p><p>Bucky and Steve held hands for the rest of the hike, and Peter wanted to be happy for his friends, but it seemed like everybody around had someone except for him.</p><p>When he and Tony had been talking the night before, all he’d wanted to do was grab Tony’s hand and admit everything. Stay out there with him under the stars and tell him the whole story. It had felt like it was possible in that moment, but then the rain had washed the opportunity away.</p><p>“Are you okay, Peter?” Karen asked.</p><p>“No,” Peter admitted. “I can’t stop thinking about Tony.”</p><p>“Maybe you should just tell him how you feel,” she suggested. “then you can stop thinking about it.”</p><p>“I’m scared he doesn’t like me back,” Peter replied. “He has everything, and I—I just don’t know what I’d say. What if he rejected me?”</p><p>“I don’t think that could ever happen. I see the way he looks at you.”</p><p>“Yeah? How?”</p><p>“He looks at you like you’re the only thing that matters to him. Nobody else exists when you’re around.”</p><p>Peter’s face softened. “Really?”</p><p>“I swear, Peter. If I didn’t think you had a chance, I would tell you the truth, but I’m telling you, with all my heart, Tony loves you too.”</p><p>It was a strange thing to think that Tony could return his feelings, but maybe it was possible. Peter was happy that Tony seemed to have been impressed by his performance at the graduation. He’d also been proud when he’d shared his news about his success at the Decathlon and his subsequent decision to attend college on a full-ride. He thought back to his conversation with Mr. Delmar about Tony maybe liking him in the future after he’d lost more weight, and he realized that that must’ve been the first moment he’d let the idea slip through the cracks of his brain. He’d also considered that he would never qualify for Tony not only because of his weight but because of his awkward and shy personality, but if he was so bad why did Tony want to spend time with him? Why was he best friends with two of the coolest people on the planet, and why was everyone at Iron Fitness always happy to see him? He couldn’t be that bad, and he didn’t think they would bother faking.</p><p>And when it came to Tony returning his feelings, what it came down to was Tony deserving the absolute best. He didn’t need money since he was already rich, and he had a beautiful home, and fancy cars, and a business, and a luxurious life, a handsome face and a hot and capable body. So what else did Tony need? It seemed like all that was left was someone to care about him. Simply loving Tony could be enough if that was the case, and Peter was more than capable of filling that role. He wasn’t necessarily pleased with his appearance, but he was working on it, trying his best, and putting in the time to improving not only his body, but his mind. If Tony was a successful businessman, maybe he respected the ambition? Peter had no idea what to think. Peter’s first instinct was to think that Tony could do better than him, have anyone he wanted, but Peter doubted anyone would be able to love Tony more than he did. It all depended on what Tony’s definition of better was. Peter really wanted to find out.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter couldn’t get the thought out of his head for the rest of the day. It wasn’t just because of Harley telling him that retreat was his chance, or Karen encouraging him, or the added boost of confidence that Wade had given him with his attention. It was more that after being apart from Tony for too long, he craved him. Having to share him with everyone else on the retreat made him hyperaware of how much he wished they belonged together. Peter felt like if he didn’t get it off his chest he might blow up. How was he supposed to go back to normal with Tony after this?</p><p>And Tony had to feel something for him, didn’t he? Peter considered it. Maybe agonized was a better word. Tony had taken so much time out of his days to spend with him, and he’d come to see him at Delmar’s, and he’d stood up for him, given him presents, given him rides, and always smiled at him. It was so easy to write everything off as platonic, though. They’d shared a bed, and Tony hadn’t made a move or indicated that he wanted anything to develop. Peter had been sitting right across from Tony when he’d said, “I don’t want anyone”. Peter chewed his lip at the memory of finding the card he’d given Tony in his desk. That could’ve meant something, but lots of people kept cards.</p><p>The same thoughts and encounters entered and exited his mind over and over again. Every interaction he’d had with Tony since they’d met was on his brain. The more he thought about Tony’s words and his actions, how Tony had told him he was the best person he knew, how he’d been there for him since the beginning, the more Peter felt like he needed to take the chance. He owed it to Tony to show him just how much he cared. Even if Tony didn’t love him back in the same way, Peter wanted to tell him the truth. Tony deserved to know he was loved.</p><p>Peter roamed around a bit before he worked up the courage. He didn’t know where Tony’s room was, so he was hoping to bump into him casually. He saw plenty of people that weren’t Tony wandering in the halls and various rooms of the compound which didn’t do him any good. A couple friendly faces got the pleasure of being asked if they knew where Tony’s room was, but they didn’t know.</p><p>Peter decided he might as well bite the bullet and text Tony himself.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, are you around?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He knew it was a long shot since Tony was busy being a boss, but it was disappointing not to receive a response. Peter waited half an hour and decided he should just ask the front desk. He knew he could’ve waited until later, or even until the next day, or even a month, but he had been waiting. Living with his feelings for so long, trying to hide them or pass them off, and he had promised Tony honesty, and he didn’t think it was fair to keep it a secret. Tony deserved to know the truth.</p><p>Peter had no idea if he was actually going to do it, or if he would chicken out. He was really flying by the seat of his pants with the whole confession plan. Maybe seeing Tony would be enough to ease his mind and quell the tide of his emotions, and then he could put off confronting them for another few weeks. That was the part of his brain that didn’t want to face the prospect of rejection. The other part of him knew that Tony was safe, and that he needed to do this.</p><p>He felt ridiculous when the lady at the concierge desk notified him that Tony’s room was literally five rooms down from his in the wellness wing. He took it as a good sign, though. Tony wanted to be close by.</p><p> </p><p>Peter tried not to fidget while he gathered himself in front of Tony’s door. He took a breath and knocked.</p><p>“Who is it? I’m in the middle of something.”</p><p>“Oh, sorry. It’s Peter. I can just come back, or uh, not.” Great. It was already not going well. Obviously, it was a sign that it was a bad idea. Tony was busy.</p><p>Then the door opened.</p><p>“Come on in, Pete,” Tony offered.</p><p>Peter had to take a few seconds to reboot his brain because Tony had just gotten out of the shower. He was pulling on a t-shirt, and the water droplets that had been resting on his skin soaked through the material in a few places.</p><p>“Uh. Are you sure, because I—you said you were busy.” Peter had no good excuses for leaving now. He walked in and heard Tony shut the door after him. Wow, so he was really doing this, then.</p><p>“I thought we’d gotten rid of that habit,” Tony commented. He walked over to his bed and sat on the end of it.</p><p>Peter shrugged. “Old habits die hard.”</p><p>“What can I do for you?” Tony wondered.</p><p>“Hmm?” Peter ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Tony clarified.</p><p>“Oh, right.” Peter blushed. “I kind of wanted to, you know, check in, I guess? See how you were doing. We never finished our conversation last night.”</p><p>Tony inclined his head.</p><p>“I know you’re busy, which is good and bad because it seems like everybody’s having a great time. You know, a good turn out, as they say, but it also sort of sucks because we haven’t been able to hang out which, is fine for you I guess, but I don’t know. I’m having such a good time,” Peter continued. “I’m not really used to seeing this side of you, even though you’re the one who puts the Stark in Stark Compound and the Stark Retreat, duh, but seeing you be the big boss is different than what I’m used to at the gym. Not like it’s bad, it’s actually not. It’s impressive, and super cool. You’re cool. Anyway.” Peter waved his rambling away. “That’s all. What I’m trying to say is I wanted to see you.”</p><p>Tony smiled. “That never gets old.”</p><p>“Another bad habit,” Peter sighed. “I ramble when I’m nervous.”</p><p>Tony frowned. “What’s got you nervous?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Peter lied.</p><p>“Is Wade bothering you again because I will fire him,” Tony promised. “Kind of tempted anyway. Barnes and friends are already on the shit list, so one more name is really not a problem.”</p><p>“No, Wade’s cool.” Peter grinned. He knew Tony was joking, and he wasn’t really mad at anyone for the lake joke considering there was no lake on the grounds.</p><p>“Hmm.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter said. “I don’t know why I’m nervous.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Do you wanna take a walk?”</p><p>“Not really,” Peter admitted. “I don’t think I’ve ever done so much walking in my life.”</p><p>“I can take you for a ride in the golf cart, then,” Tony said. “I have—”</p><p>Peter couldn’t handle holding it in anymore. He was going to be sick if he didn’t just get it out.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Peter blurted. “I can’t keep pretending…and it’s gonna ruin everything, but I have to tell you, and it’s okay if you want to fire me, and not just like how we joke, but actually fire me…I’d understand, and if you never wanna see me again, that’ll hurt, but…I need to say it.” Peter didn’t take a breath because if he did, his brain might catch up with his mouth and make him chicken out.</p><p>“I like you, Tony. So much,” he admitted. The only saving grace of the admission was that he held back from saying that he was in love. Getting rejected was going to be bad enough, and he didn’t need to add fuel to that fire.</p><p>“I never meant for it to happen,” Peter continued. “I thought it would go away, or that I could stop it, but every second I spent with you only made it worse because you’re so—so amazing, and not just because you helped me, or everything you do for me. Not the money, or the rides, but how you make me feel like I belong, like everything’s gonna be okay, and like I’m enough, and I want you like, all the time, like,” Peter shook his head, “all the frickin’ time, and it’s driving me crazy. I’m so sorry,” he finished, or so he thought.</p><p>“I know it’s pointless because you don’t feel the same, and we’re friends…maybe not after this, but…yeah.” Peter hazarded a glance at Tony to gauge how horrified he was. “I had to say it. I have to be honest. I’m sorry I ruined everything.”</p><p>Tony’s eyebrows were raised, his mouth open a bit. Peter waited for Tony to say something about how flattered but not interested he was, or how appalled, whichever. Maybe Tony would be mad. Peter fidgeted, wondering if it would be easier to take the blow if Tony let him down easy or rejected him flat out. He couldn’t see Tony doing that, but if he acted like an asshole it would help. Maybe. Maybe not.</p><p>Peter kept his eyes on Tony’s face even though he wanted to run away. Why wasn’t Tony saying anything.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Peter said. “I don’t know what else to say. Do you want me to go?  I’ll totally go.”</p><p>“Wow,” Tony said. “I didn’t expect this. I mean, I hoped, but…wow.” Tony exhaled audibly before standing up from the bed.</p><p>“What?” Peter blurted. What the hell was that supposed to mean? He took a step back to give Tony some room.</p><p>“You didn’t ruin anything, Pete,” Tony explained. “In fact, you just made me a very happy man.”</p><p>Peter frowned. Why wasn’t Tony making any sense?</p><p>“I like you, too.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “You don’t understand, Tony. I’m saying that I <em>like </em>you.” Fuck it. “I love you.”</p><p>“That’s what I’m saying, too.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter said.</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“No.” Peter scrunched up his face. “I don’t understand. Why—”</p><p>“You honestly expected me to reject you?” Tony asked. “Well, never mind. Of course, you did. Peter, I’m crazy about you.”</p><p>Peter looked away for a moment to compose himself. “You are?”</p><p>“You’re the smartest person I know, but sometimes…” Tony shook his head. He cupped Peter’s face with both hands.</p><p>Peter looked into Tony’s eyes, expecting to be relieved that he wasn’t being rejected. Instead, he felt terrified. He had no point of reference for the situation.</p><p>He felt like his heart was in his throat. “I—”</p><p>“Shh,” Tony interrupted. “I’m going to kiss you now.”</p><p>Peter nodded weakly. He considered it a strong possibility that he might faint.</p><p>Tony licked his lips before he pressed them to Peter’s.</p><p>Peter had never kissed anyone before, and he had no idea whether it was Tony’s intention to make out with him, or if he was keeping it simple, so he just let the man hold his face in place.</p><p>Tony pulled away, and Peter’s brain felt fuzzy. Tony Stark had just kissed him. He had to be dreaming.</p><p>“But, I’m—Tony, wait. This doesn’t make any sense. Why are you okay with this?”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p>“Because I’m still, you know.” He gestured to himself vaguely.</p><p>Tony sighed. “Your size doesn’t even rank on the list of hang-ups I have about this.”</p><p>Peter registered that Tony’s hands were now on his waist. “It doesn’t? But—”</p><p>“Peter—”</p><p>“No.” Peter didn’t let himself be interrupted. “You could have anyone. You don’t have to settle.”</p><p>Tony shook his head.</p><p>“And you said you didn’t want anyone last week. I remember.”</p><p>“I said I didn’t want <em>anyone</em>,” Tony said.</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“I want <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Peter didn’t say anything because that information was not computing properly, and Tony was still holding him.</p><p>“You do?” Peter looked up at Tony with watery eyes.</p><p>“More than I’ve ever wanted anything,” Tony confirmed. “That’s what I was trying to tell you yesterday.”</p><p>Peter looked away for a moment before returning his eyes to Tony’s. He wasn’t joking.</p><p>Peter moved forward and pressed his mouth to Tony’s. He couldn’t believe that it was happening. Tony’s mouth was soft, and his hands felt so good on his body. It was a different touch than he was used to—not the ankle holding, or a quick clap on the shoulder, or a brush of the fingertips to straighten his back—Tony was holding him tightly, like he meant it.</p><p>He was nervous and overly conscious of how he must feel to Tony. A part of him wanted to pull away and accuse Tony of playing some sick joke on him because it didn’t make sense for the man to want him, but another part of him wanted to keep kissing. Tony had told him and over and over again until he was sick of hearing it that he wasn’t the disgusting loser he thought he was. The only explanations were either that Tony was serious and found him desirable, or that Tony was hypnotized like Jack Black in Shallow Hal and couldn’t see what he actually looked like.</p><p>Tony pulled away.</p><p>That made sense.</p><p>“Your mouth stopped moving,” Tony explained. “What are you thinking about?”</p><p>“Uh,” Peter hesitated. “I’m sorry I’m not a very good kisser.”</p><p>“You’re doing just fine.”</p><p>Peter closed his eyes and took a breath, “I’m just—are you sure about this, Tony? I’ve never kissed anyone before, and—”</p><p>“I’m the one who should be asking if you’re sure,” Tony interrupted.</p><p>“I’m totally sure,” Peter replied. “Like, so sure. I mean, have you met you?”</p><p>Tony smiled at him. “Okay, so we’re both sure. It’s settled.”</p><p>Peter let himself smile and put his hands over top of Tony’s and pulled them off his face. He didn’t know what to do, so he just held Tony’s hands for a moment while he considered it.</p><p>“Sorry,” Peter said again. “I’m…awkward.”</p><p>Tony grinned. “Stop thinking so hard, and stop apologizing, and come here.”</p><p>Tony kept holding Peter’s hands while he pulled them towards the bed. “Let’s sit for a while. We can talk.”</p><p>“Talk?” Peter asked, sitting next to Tony on the bed.</p><p>“Yeah. We can just talk. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do.”</p><p>Peter blushed. He was having a hard time imagining a world where doing something more than talking with Tony was even on the table. If Tony was interested in him maybe there was something wrong with him. Peter shook his head at the thought. Ridiculous.</p><p>“Please tell me what you’re thinking,” Tony asked. “I can see the steam coming out of your ears.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t wanna hear it,” Peter admitted. “It’s nothing good.”</p><p>“Even if I don’t like it, I still want to hear it.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Okay…”</p><p>He hesitated. As much as he wanted to hit the brakes and save the making out for another time, and as much as he wanted to discuss the entire situation with Tony, he was sick of worrying. He wanted to enjoy the moment for all it was worth. His stomach dropped at the thought that Tony might like him, but maybe only in the context of the retreat and in this room. Maybe he’d misunderstood something, and Tony wanted to fool around, but not date him.</p><p>Peter had had the best of intentions to stow his worries and insecurities and keep kissing Tony, but somehow, by trying not to think negatively, it had happened anyway.</p><p>“What are your expectations?” Peter asked suddenly.</p><p>He didn’t give Tony a chance to answer. “Like, what do you want from me? Because as much as I’ve thought about it…I never thought it would actually happen, and now I’m thinking, do you just want someone to fool around with? Or is this one of those ‘casually date and see what happens’ things? Or, I don’t know…I’m losing my mind, Tony. I don’t know how to do any of this, and I don’t want to screw it up.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “You know, it takes some people months before they get the courage to say everything you just said.”</p><p>“I’m being neurotic.” Peter wiped his hands over his eyes. “I can’t stop it. I just feel so jittery and nervous, and scared, but I also want to keep kissing you, and I want to talk about it, and I’m feeling everything at once. What are you feeling?”</p><p>“Honestly, I’ve kind of been stuck at the part where you said you loved me. Everything since then”—Tony waved his hand and scrunched his eyes— “it’s been a little fuzzy.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “I know that’s super lame. I mean, you know, I’m just a kid, so what would I know about love. That’s what everyone says, and it’s okay if you’re not there, yet. I don’t know. It takes time for some people, but—”</p><p>“Did I not say it back? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I did. In fact, I’m positive I did.”</p><p>Peter frowned. <em>I love you. That’s what I’m saying, too.</em></p><p>“Oh shit. You did.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “I mean, I could’ve been clearer. I’ll give you that one.”</p><p>Peter shrugged.</p><p> “How’s this?” Tony cleared his throat. “I love you back.”</p><p>Peter buried his face in his hands and groaned. It was too much. It was everything.</p><p>“So, what happens now?”</p><p>“What do you want to happen?” Tony wondered. “You mentioned fooling around and casual dating. Gotta say, I don’t appreciate being pigeonholed like that.”</p><p>“O-okay.” Peter nodded. “I don’t like those options either.”</p><p>“Then we agree,” Tony remarked.</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“How about we start with you spending the night with me?” Tony suggested. “Then, tomorrow we pack up, say our goodbyes to the compound. We’ll drive back to the city together. We can talk all about everything during the ride, and then, sometime this week, I’ll take you on a real date.”</p><p>“A date?”</p><p>Tony’s lips curved up in amusement. “Yes.”</p><p>“Wow,” Peter breathed. “Wait, you want me to spend the night in your room?”</p><p>“You don’t have to.”</p><p>“No, I want to,” Peter assured. Of course, he did. He’d practically begged for it the weekend after his graduation. “I can’t believe this is happening. Everything we talked about at the diner…I mean, all this time I was waiting for you to say something. Praying that you would just say something, and now I get to have you. I can’t make it make sense in my brain.”</p><p>“I was waiting for you,” Tony said.</p><p>“Why? That’s crazy,” Peter accused. “I barely worked up the courage. You could’ve been waiting a long time.”</p><p>“I didn’t want to take advantage of you,” Tony explained. “You’re still 17, you know. And you have so much going on with school, and I thought I should give you a chance to make your own way in life without me holding you back.”</p><p>“Wow.” Peter could practically hear MJ’s voice in his ear telling him he’d drunk too much dumb bitch juice. All the time he’d wasted wondering if Tony liked him. Now that Tony was explaining everything, it made more sense.</p><p>“I was tired of waiting, though,” Tony admitted. “I was going to tell you yesterday, then today, but you beat me to it.”</p><p>Peter giggled. “It’s almost midnight. When exactly were you going to make your move, big shot?”</p><p>“Hey, I was thinking of you,” Tony defended.</p><p>“Same,” Peter agreed wistfully, purposely changing the meaning of Tony’s words.</p><p>Tony shook his head, and then before Peter even had time to think, Tony’s hand was on his face and pulling him in.</p><p>This time Tony was using tongue, and Peter couldn’t do anything but open his mouth and let the man in. He’d wanted it for so long, and it was finally happening, and his brain was buzzing with excitement. Every point of contact his body had with Tony’s was sending messages to his dick, and he wanted to go further, but the other part of his brain that crippled him with self-doubt was active too and telling him <em>not tonight. </em></p><p>He tried his best to keep up with Tony’s advances, but he was so talented with his mouth, licking across his teeth and knowing when to ease up to let him breathe, and rushing back in, all the while keeping a firm hand on his cheek. Peter could feel how hard he was in his pants, but he had no idea how fast things were going to move. Did Tony want more? What if Tony wanted to have actual sex? Or what if Tony expected to see him naked. He’d said they didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to, but that didn’t mean Tony didn’t hope that he wanted to.</p><p>Peter got the courage to bring his own hands to Tony’s chest since they’d just been clenched at his sides while he worked to give Tony his all. If it was even possible, touching Tony’s body in addition to the kissing made him harder. At this point he was throbbing in his pants and knew it would take nothing to get off, but there was no way he could do that in front of Tony. Not for a while. He moaned when Tony pulled off his mouth and start kissing at his jaw, trailing kisses all the way down to his neck and right below his ear. Goosebumps erupted across his entire body. “Oh, god, Tony. I—please.”</p><p>“What?” Tony whispered. “Do you want to stop?”</p><p>“Yes, No. I don’t know.”</p><p>Tony nodded against his shoulder before kissing his way back to his mouth gently. He pulled away, and Peter wanted to die when the man’s gaze settled on his lap.</p><p>“I—” Peter hid his face for a moment before continuing. “Sorry,”</p><p>“Don’t be.” Tony licked his lips. “That was incredible.”</p><p>Peter nodded fervently. Fuck yeah it was.</p><p>“Um, you said you wanted me to stay the night, right?” Peter asked.</p><p>“Mm.”</p><p>“Okay, let me just go back to my room, and I’ll get some stuff, and then I’ll be back…is that okay?”</p><p>“More than. I’ll be waiting.”</p><p>“Okay.” Peter blushed. He had no idea what he should do to prepare for spending the night with Tony. Did that mean sex? Or any kind of fooling around? Just more kissing? Should he brush his teeth in his own room? Shower again? Change into pyjamas or leave on his loungewear? Should he pack all of his bags and relocate completely, or just bring what he needed for the night? <em>Fuck. I don’t know what I’m doing. </em>Peter didn’t want to seem juvenile or innocent to the point of laughable, but he knew Tony would be up front with him. Tell him what to do. He’d turned to the man countless times for help before, and he didn’t see Tony suddenly turning into an asshole. He could ask.</p><p>“Uhm, Tony?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“When you say spend the night…” Peter scratched his head. “What do you mean? Because I don’t know what you want. Like, are we gonna…you know?”</p><p>“Have sex?” Tony supplied.</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“Do you want to?”</p><p>“Uhm.” Peter grimaced. “Not really. I mean, if—”</p><p>“Then no,” Tony said.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter sighed in relief. “I’ll be right back.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter felt like leaving Tony’s room was entering another world. He walked by people in the halls who had no idea how much his life had just changed. It felt unreal. Like the minute he’d walked through the door and away from Tony, none of it had happened. What if he got his stuff and knocked on Tony’s door again, and Tony pretended like it never happened. His mind was racing. Tony had been willing to have sex with him if he’d wanted to, and he’d been so foolish to decline the offer, but at the same time, he didn’t feel like he could stomach the thought of letting Tony see him naked. Not then. Maybe one day, but he could barely even say the word sex to Tony, so he didn’t think he could actually do it. Not like he didn’t want to, not like he hadn’t thought about it repeatedly, and not because of his age, but because of how vulnerable it made him. He felt like he’d already shown so much of himself to Tony emotionally; he had no more confidence left when it came to putting his body on display.</p><p>The first thing he did when he got back to his room was shed his clothing, and just from the few minutes he’d spent in Tony’s arms, his clothes already smelled like him. <em>Fuck. </em>He wrapped a hand around his dick and had the quickest orgasm of his life. He felt guilty, like he’d wasted it by not being with Tony since he was the cause of it, but he wasn’t ready for that. He'd never been shirtless in front of Tony, so he wasn't about to go parading around with his dick exposed. Since he’d made a mess he had to clean up in the shower. Afterward, he took a minute to brush his teeth and put fresh pyjamas on.</p><p>Peter checked his phone and responded to his group chat with MJ and Ned and replied to May’s goodnight messages. He sent a few Snapchats to keep his streaks, and he contemplated telling everyone what had just happened, but he didn’t want to jinx it. He could just imagine sending a message in all caps to his friends. <em>TONY IS MY BOYFRIEND NOW!!!!</em> Only for it all to turn out as a horrible misunderstanding. After all, Tony hadn’t said that they were together.</p><p>He grabbed the few things he had scattered around the room and stuffed them into his backpack, he fetched his toiletry bag from the bathroom, and then he grabbed his new duffel bag. That was everything. He figured it would be more convenient to bring everything to Tony’s room, so he wouldn’t forget anything or have to keep going back and forth. He couldn’t wipe the idiotic grin off his face as he made his way back to Tony, practically tripping over himself as he speed walked down the hallway.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“That was fast,” Tony commented when he returned.</p><p>“Yeah, well. I didn’t want to give you too much time alone in case you changed your mind.” Contrarily, Peter thought he’d taken forever since he’d taken care of business first.</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Funny, I was thinking the same thing.”</p><p>“Oh please. I’d have to be a complete idiot to change my mind about you,” Peter said. “And, you’re always calling me smart, so…”</p><p>“That’s ‘cause you are.”</p><p>“But maybe I am an idiot since I’m not ready for anything besides kissing,” Peter admitted. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to. I hope you know. It’s just…everything else. I don’t want you to think it’s you because it’s not.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Pete. Honestly, it’s good that one of us has a working brain because if I had it my way...I mean, if you wanted to, I probably would. And that doesn’t make me a good person.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Uh, for starters, you’re barely 18.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “Three weeks.”</p><p>“Oh, excuse me.” Tony held his hands up.</p><p>“Anyway. Let’s stop talking,” Peter said.</p><p>“What do you suggest doing instead?”</p><p>“I just brushed my teeth.”</p><p>“What a coincidence.”</p><p>Tony closed the distance between them and kissed Peter on the cheek before trailing kisses all the way to his lips.</p><p>Peter shivered when Tony put his hands on his waist. He opened his mouth and let Tony in.</p><p> </p><p>After what seemed like hours, Tony pulled back and caught his teeth on Peter's bottom lip before detaching his mouth completely.</p><p>The sensation went straight to Peter's dick. <em>No, stop it. Calm down. Not tonight. Not again.</em></p><p>“So, I’m really your first kiss?” Tony wondered.</p><p>"Yeah," Peter admitted quietly.</p><p>"I'm honoured," Tony said. He pressed his lips to Peter's nose.</p><p>Peter let himself fall into Tony's chest. He just wanted to be close to Tony even if nothing else was going to happen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope this lived up to expectations. </p><p>xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Affection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The last day of the Stark Retreat.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter woke up to a strange sound, but he didn’t feel disoriented or frightened. He knew exactly where he was. It was the second time he’d woken up in Tony’s arms, the only difference this time was that he didn’t have to pretend to be asleep.</p>
<p>“Sorry about the alarm. I tried to catch it before it went off,” Tony explained quietly.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind.” Peter stretched and turned over to face Tony.</p>
<p>“Oh, I could get used to this,” Tony sighed. He tightened his arms around Peter and pulled him closer.</p>
<p>“Same,” Peter muttered into Tony’s chest. He snuggled in as close as he could, breathing in the comforting scent of his favourite person. It usually intimidated Peter to be close and personal with Tony, and he still struggled with initiating touching, but Tony had shown that he was happy to touch and be touched by him, so he felt more confident responding enthusiastically.</p>
<p>They had taken a break from kissing the night before only to prepare for bed. Tony had pulled the blankets back and welcomed Peter into the bed, and he’d gone more than willingly. It felt much more intimate to lie next to one another cuddling than it did to kiss which Peter found strange. He wondered if it was because with kissing, eyes were closed, and there were no facial expressions to analyze, and there was no real possibility of conversation. Lying so close to Tony, knowing the man could see him was exhilarating and terrifying—it usually was both exhilarating and terrifying to be in Tony’s presence, but even more so after what Peter had revealed.</p>
<p>He had so many questions and so many things he wanted to say. He wanted to know what Tony was thinking and how he was supposed to act now that they’d admitted their feelings. Tony had said he wasn’t interested in fooling around or casually dating, so did that mean they were an item? Boyfriends? Peter didn’t want to assume, but he also didn’t want to proceed with anything unless he knew what he was getting into. He’d had the courage to ask Tony about whether they were going to have sex, but he felt a little more comfortable advocating for his physical boundaries than his emotional ones.</p>
<p>Peter still had worries and doubts about himself, but what he’d said to Tony the night before about being sure was true. He was absolutely positive that he loved Tony and wanted him, and he was proud of himself for having the courage to say so. That being said, he didn’t know how long everything would last, and as much as Tony had repeatedly proved that he wasn’t going anywhere, and that his care wasn’t conditional, Peter still didn’t believe it 100%. The feeling of uncertainty made him want to play things safe, and not come off as too needy or invested, while simultaneously making him want to hug Tony and cling to him in case he wouldn’t get the chance for long. He opted for the second option.</p>
<p>He felt even more secure in Tony’s embrace because he knew the man wouldn’t try to escalate anything or touch him anywhere beyond the bounds of a hug—of course kissing from the neck up was allowed, but it caused serious blushing and giggling on Peter’s behalf to be touched on the neck.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I have to go,” Tony murmured.</p>
<p>“What time is it?” Peter wondered.</p>
<p>“6:50,” Tony explained.</p>
<p>“Ew. Why?”</p>
<p>“Actually, I was supposed to be gone an hour ago, but I couldn’t leave.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Peter asked again.</p>
<p>“Because I’d prefer to stay here with you, baby.”</p>
<p>Peter was immensely glad that his face was hidden from Tony’s eyes because he made the dopiest expression at being called baby. “You could. You are the boss, you know.”</p>
<p>“Am I?” Tony wondered. “I hadn’t noticed.”</p>
<p>Peter looked up at Tony to respond with something sarcastic, and his stomach flipped. It clicked in that moment. This was really happening. He was in Tony’s arms, in his bed, in his heart. He was allowed to be close enough that he could see the man’s individual eyelashes, to see the barely there freckles smattered across Tony’s cheeks, and if he wanted to, he was allowed to reach his fingers up to his perfectly groomed goatee and trace around each curve and angle.</p>
<p>“What’s up?”</p>
<p>Peter averted his eyes since he didn’t want to make Tony uncomfortable with his staring or any more proclamations.</p>
<p>“Nothing.” He had to say it. “It’s just…you’re beautiful. I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“You really know how to make a guy weak in the knees, I’ll tell you that.”</p>
<p>“It’s the truth.” Peter hid his face again. It seemed like now that he’d spilled his guts to Tony, he couldn’t keep any positive comments he had for the man to himself, no matter how embarrassing or sappy.</p>
<p>Peter squeaked when Tony mouthed at his neck.</p>
<p>“Don’t hide your face,” Tony said. “I find it offensive.”</p>
<p>Peter purposely kept his head down, but it didn’t do much good because Tony just kept kissing his neck until he had to retreat to avoid the torture.</p>
<p>“Ahh,” Peter complained. “It tickles.”</p>
<p>“You know how to make it stop,” Tony teased.</p>
<p>“Okay, okay, fine,” Peter conceded. He peeked up at Tony, knowing full well his face was flushed and his eyes were watery from both his realization and Tony’s tickling.</p>
<p>“Mm, there he is,” Tony mused. He brought a hand to Peter’s face to brush his uncooperative hair aside. “Gorgeous.”</p>
<p>Peter’s already watery eyes didn’t stand a chance at that comment.</p>
<p>Peter brought a hand up to wipe the forming tears away, but Tony’s thumb beat him to it.</p>
<p>“Happy or sad?” Tony wondered.</p>
<p>“Both,” Peter admitted. “It’s just a lot.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Tony said. “Me, too.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Stop,” Tony directed. He sat up against the headboard and tugged at Peter to join him. “No more apologizing.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Peter repeated more to be cheeky than anything.</p>
<p>“We’ll talk everything out later, okay? I promise,” Tony said. “I want to make sure you feel good about this. No getting in your head or assuming anything, or wondering, or spiralling. We’re gonna do this right, Pete.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Peter agreed. “That sounds amazing.” As always, Tony knew exactly what to say to reassure him.</p>
<p>“Good,” Tony said. “Until then, I really do have to go.”</p>
<p>“Ugh. Fine.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “I’ll leave you the room key, so you can come and go throughout the day.”</p>
<p>“What about you?”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna be busy making my rounds and checking in with everyone. Which reminds me,” Tony tapped at his phone a few times, “my assistant Jarvis is on his way with the car, so we’ll be good to go when it’s time to leave.”</p>
<p>“Cool.”</p>
<p>“Make yourself at home. Go back to sleep, if you want. We’ll meet up later, and you’ll get me all to yourself.”</p>
<p>“That’s the dream.”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “Gosh, you’re sweet. Have you been holding back this whole time?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Peter admitted. “I didn’t want to be weird, or like, obvious.”</p>
<p>“Feel free to be as weird or obvious as you like from now on,” Tony suggested. “Because I love it. I want to hear everything.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Peter allowed. “I will.”</p>
<p>Tony got dressed in the dim light of the room, and Peter didn’t bother trying to hide that he was watching. After a few moments, Tony came to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’m glad you came to me last night,” Tony whispered. “I’ve wanted this. You have no idea how much. How many times I wanted to tell you, how many times I almost—later, we’ll talk about it later.”</p>
<p>Tony leaned forward and kissed Peter on the forehead.</p>
<p>“Have a good day,” Peter offered. Tony was the one who knew how to make people weak in the knees.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s guaranteed now.” Tony winked at him and left the room.</p>
<p>Peter lied his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. Sleep didn’t come back to him, so he let his mind drift. As much as his worries were nagging at the edges of his mind, he was so happy that he couldn’t find it in himself to dwell. He rolled over onto Tony’s side of the bed and pressed his face into the sheets. After being miserable and alone for what felt like so long, after thinking he was doomed to live the rest of his life without anyone, and after working so hard to improve himself, he got to wake up in Tony’s bed. It was an even better reward than losing weight, knowing that Tony cared about him, and more than that, loved him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter took his time showering and getting ready. The same feeling he’d had after leaving Tony’s room the night before returned, and he was almost scared to leave it again and face the day. What if someone saw him and asked what he was doing in Tony’s room? Was he supposed to keep this a secret? He imagined that was probably a good idea since Tony might not be ready for things to be that serious. Peter sort of wanted to tell everybody, though, and Tony had just said he’d wanted him for a long time, but he’d also said not assume anything. Was that a good comment or a bad one?</p>
<p>Peter trusted Tony, and he’d never done anything to hurt him before, so it wouldn’t make sense for Tony to make a dirty secret out of him, but he remembered Tony’s words in the restaurant about his sad dating history. Did that mean anything for their relationship? Did they even have a relationship? He’d tried to ask, but all he’d managed to understand from the conversation was that it wasn’t about fooling around or casual dating. What did that mean exactly?</p>
<p>“Just stop thinking, Peter. That’s all you have to do. Stop thinking,” Peter muttered to himself. He was literally in Tony’s hotel room, and they’d spent the entire night cuddled together, and he was at Tony’s multi-million dollar compound, and Tony had gotten them a car so they could drive back home together. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn’t stop it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter finished getting ready and left the room. He would distract himself for the rest of the day so he couldn’t spiral any further. He sent out texts to Karen and Harley to see what they were up to. It was fairly early, so he could just head to the dining room, but in a strange way, he was nervous to roam around in case he ran into Tony. How would he act? What if Tony was only down with their relationship in private?</p>
<p>While he waited for Karen and Harley to respond to him, he responded to texts from MJ, Ned, and May who were all wondering how the trip was. He made sure to give May advanced warning that she wouldn’t have to pick him up from the bus station since Tony had offered to give him a ride. He didn’t mention any of the details surrounding the development, though. Peter’s stomach flipped when he imagined breaking the news to his aunt.</p>
<p>He knew he wanted to tell her as soon as possible because if she found out later by accident, it would be bad for everyone. She’d already suspected Tony of being up to no good, so if there was any secrecy surrounding their new relationship, it wouldn’t exactly inspire trust. On the other hand, he had a bad habit of keeping things from her so she wouldn’t worry. Would it be better to wait until after his 18<sup>th</sup> birthday to explain the situation to her? Another part of him was just so excited about Tony that he didn’t want to contain it. He wanted to tell everybody. Brag about how lucky he was to be with Tony.</p>
<p>
  <em>Are you with him though? He said he loved you and that he wanted to take you out on a date. Not that you were together.</em>
</p>
<p>He didn’t want to think about telling May he was in a relationship with Tony until he was sure that it was serious. It was all so confusing, and his inexperience not only made him nervous and clueless about how to proceed with literally anything and everything, but it had the added bonus of making him apprehensive to ask. He knew he could count on Tony for answers and guidance, but navigating a relationship wasn’t exactly something he wanted to ask Tony for help with. The man already had reservations about his age, and drawing attention to his naivete would only make him seem juvenile and give Tony more cause to doubt the relationship. But didn’t it show maturity that he was willing to admit when he didn’t know something?</p>
<p>And what did he need help with, really? Peter considered it. All he actually wanted to know was if he and Tony were boyfriends, or partners, or…what? They weren’t fooling around—both because they’d agreed on disliking that as a label and because Peter wasn’t fooling around anytime soon—and they weren’t “casually dating”, but did that exclude regular dating? What was the difference between casual dating and normal dating? Anything? Nothing?</p>
<p>In addition to that major question, how he was supposed to act around Tony in public? He knew how to act around him in private. Nothing between them felt like it had changed in that regard. Peter had been comfortable with Tony for a while, and now the only difference was that he could talk about his romantic feelings, and he was allowed to kiss and touch.</p>
<p>Peter felt better after narrowing down his concerns, and Tony had promised they would talk later, so he only had to wait until they were together again, and he could ease his mind.</p>
<p>He wasn’t even thinking about the sexual obstacles he was going to be facing later in the relationship. He bit his lip when he realized he’d gotten a bit ahead of himself. <em>If </em>it was a relationship and <em>if </em>it lasted long enough for him to have to even worry about sex.</p>
<p>Peter walked out of the elevator and hesitated before finally deciding he would head to the dining hall regardless of whether Harley and Karen were there or not. Maybe they were still sleeping.</p>
<p>Peter glanced around at the tables to see if any of his friends were around, but it was pretty dead except for strangers. He decided to get some food anyway. Eating alone didn’t really bother him since he’d done enough of it in his bedroom over the years.</p>
<p>It didn’t occur to him until the very second that he had everything he wanted on his plate that maybe he should try to increase his deficit. After all, Tony was going to be touching him more, and maybe he was okay with the extra weight—so he said—but only if it had an expiration date. Maybe Tony expected that he would be losing more weight, and he wouldn’t be able to put up with no sex forever, so Peter needed to hurry up and get his body presentable as soon as possible. Otherwise, Tony might decide he wasn’t interested anymore. He was probably experienced. He probably had expectations. Peter already felt awkward and virginal enough without needing to make Tony wait.</p>
<p>Peter didn’t want to be wasteful and scrape food into the garbage, but what else was he supposed to do with it?</p>
<p>“Hey, Peter,” Karen greeted. “I just got your text. I hoped I’d catch you.”</p>
<p>Peter looked like a deer in headlights; he felt like he’d been caught doing something wrong. Not only because of his deliberation over tossing his breakfast out, but because of everything that had happened between him and Tony the night before. It was Karen, though, and she already knew most of the story.</p>
<p>“Oh, hey, Karen. What’s up?” He managed.</p>
<p>“I think I should be asking you that,” she hinted.</p>
<p>“What? Why?” Peter wondered if his mental spiral was that obvious.</p>
<p>“Yesterday, you were all keyed up about confessing to Tony…did you?”</p>
<p>Peter hesitated. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“See, Peter, I knew you could do it. I’m so proud of you.”</p>
<p>Peter shrugged. “I don’t know. Actually, I’m glad you’re here…to be honest, I could kind of use some advice, and I really don’t know who else to talk to about it. I mean, usually Tony’s my go-to, but he’s busy, and now, I don’t know. It feels like something I need to sort out before I bother him with it.”</p>
<p>“Gotcha,” Karen said. “Don’t even worry about it. Let me get some food, and we’ll talk.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“No worries,” she said brightly. “Happy to help.”</p>
<p>Peter took the plate to a table in the back corner—far away from anyone who could overhear—and waited for Karen to return.</p>
<p>“Okay, so,” Peter hesitated, picking the skin around his nail, “I don’t know how to start.”</p>
<p>“Let’s just talk then,” Karen suggested. “I assume this is about Tony.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Peter nodded.</p>
<p>“All right, Peter. Did it not go well? To be honest, you don’t seem that happy.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I mean, yeah, I think it went well. It went okay,” Peter tried.</p>
<p>“Okay, that’s a good start,” Karen commented.</p>
<p>Peter thought back to how Tony had kissed him and how he’d kept kissing him over and over. How he’d called him gorgeous barely an hour ago. Wasn’t it stupid to doubt Tony’s feelings after such displays of affection? Knowing it was stupid didn’t stop it.</p>
<p>“Honestly, never mind. It’s stupid.” Peter shook his head.</p>
<p>“I want to help,” Karen insisted.</p>
<p>Peter sighed. What was he supposed to say? <em>I think I’m too fat for Tony, and he said I wasn’t, but I don’t know if I believe him</em>? It sounded ridiculous, and the only person who could answer the question was Tony himself, and he had answered it. He’d been answering it since they’d first met. Peter knew he could trust Tony, but he was so scared to have taken this step. What if Tony changed his mind after Peter let himself get comfortable? It all sounded too deep for Karen to handle on a Monday morning.</p>
<p>“Um,” Peter tried to think of a replacement question, “do you think it’s weird that he’s the boss? Do you think people will be pissed?”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Karen mused. “It’s not like he’s the manager and you’re going to be working with him under the same roof. He’s the owner, and you’re good at the job.”</p>
<p>“Maybe some people might be petty,” Karen said, “but as long you’re not getting any special treatment, it should be fine.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” Peter agreed. He would’ve been getting special treatment by being welcome on the retreat which was another example of something fantastic Tony had been willing to do for him even before… He thought he’d done the right thing by turning down the favour unless others could go on the trip as well.</p>
<p>“And from what I heard when I interviewed for the job,” Karen continued, “new employees don’t get to come on the Stark Retreat. Something tells me I’m only here because of you, so I can’t see any of the other new hires hating you.”</p>
<p>“What happened with that, by the way? Did Tony retire the rule so you could come?” Karen asked.</p>
<p>“He was going to let me come anyway,” Peter admitted. “He said whether I worked at Iron Fitness or not, he would’ve invited me, but I told him I didn’t want to go if you and the other new people couldn’t go, so he changed the rule.”</p>
<p>Karen’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “Yeah, Peter, that doesn’t sound like shady favoritism to me. That sounds like you’re noble, and Tony’s reasonable enough to change policies to make everything fair for everyone.”</p>
<p>“He is really fair,” Peter agreed quickly.</p>
<p>“Wow.” Karen shook her head. “You honestly thought he would reject you when he basically brought you here as his <em>plus one</em>? And not only that, but was willing to pay for more people’s trips just so that you would even accept the invitation? I’m sorry, sweetheart, but what do you need my advice for? That man is so gone for you it’s borderline nauseating.”</p>
<p>Peter ducked his head.</p>
<p>“Speaking of which. Tell me the details. What exactly did you say to him last night? Why aren’t you sure if it went well?”</p>
<p>“I told him I loved him.”</p>
<p>“Wow.” Karen shook her head. “You really went for it, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “I had to. It’s Tony.”</p>
<p>“Gosh, so romantic,” Karen sighed wistfully.</p>
<p>Peter let himself smile at his friend. He was starting to feel better.</p>
<p>“Okay, and what did he say?”</p>
<p>“He said he loved me too, but I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean you don’t know?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know if that means were together, or if I should even be telling you about this. Maybe he wants to keep it a secret? What if he doesn’t want to actually be with me? Like, what if he loves me but it isn’t enough?”</p>
<p>Karen frowned. “Did he say something to make you think that?”</p>
<p>“No, not exactly, but we spent the night in his room, and then—”</p>
<p>“Wait, he slept with you?”</p>
<p>“No, oh my God, Karen, no. We kissed,” Peter’s entire body reddened, “and slept in the same bed, but nothing happened.”</p>
<p>Karen’s face relaxed. “Oh.”</p>
<p>“Do you think that’s something?” Peter insisted.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Karen admitted. “I think Tony is the only one who can answer your questions. I wasn’t there.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded. “Yeah, I figured. He says he’s going to drive us back to the city and we’re gonna like, talk about it, or whatever, but I’m kinda nervous. Like what if he wants to talk about how we can’t be in a relationship?”</p>
<p>“If he said he loves you, and spent the night with you, and didn’t explicitly say anything about <em>not </em>being in a relationship, I would say that means you’re together.”</p>
<p>“I kind of asked him,” Peter explained. “I was like, so are we just fooling around or is this casual dating?”</p>
<p>“What did he say?”</p>
<p>“He said he doesn’t like either of those options.”</p>
<p>Karen put a hand to her forehead. “All right, Peter, I think you worry too much, and you’re going to drive yourself insane if you don’t quit overanalyzing right now.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Karen repeated. “Think about everything you told me, and you tell me if you and Tony are in a relationship.”</p>
<p>“That’s the thing, I don’t—”</p>
<p>Karen shook her head. “Peter. Talk to Tony.”</p>
<p>“You’re right. Yeah. I should just wait until we talk later, and he’ll tell me. I don’t want to annoy him with all these questions, though. I don’t want to look crazy.”</p>
<p>“Trust me. Don’t hide from him. Give him the opportunity to reassure you and learn how to reassure yourself. I think deep down you know what you and Tony are, and you’re terrified. You don’t want to believe it.”</p>
<p>“How—”</p>
<p>“Because. We’ve all been there. Relationships are scary for everybody. Especially new relationships. You have to talk things through, but you don’t want to come off the wrong way, but you also don’t want to lie, and you’re nervous about your body, or whatever it is…Trust me, after a while, all of those fears will melt away, and it comes with time. And,” Karen held her hand up, “you can’t let your mind run rampant like that.”</p>
<p>Peter took a breath. “Yeah, that makes sense. I feel like I have so much catching up to do because of our age difference, though. I doubt he’s even worrying about any of this at all.”</p>
<p>“He might not be as worried as you, but he’s definitely worried,” Karen explained. “I guarantee if he took the time to tell you that you’d talk about it later, then he knows you have some insecurities, and I bet he’s worried you’re going to freak out and reject him.”</p>
<p>“He did tell me not to overthink and spiral, too,” Peter said. “Shit. I guess I don’t listen very well.”</p>
<p>Karen giggled. “You’re doing great, Peter. Don’t worry. I promise. It’s all going to work out, and you’re going to be fine. All right? I can tell that Tony loves you, and you obviously love him. Quit worrying, and just enjoy your first relationship. Okay?”</p>
<p>Peter wanted to throw himself at Karen and thank her for more great insight. He had been thinking about everything over and over all morning, and he hadn’t even come to those conclusions. Suddenly his worries didn’t seem so pertinent anymore, and where he stood with Tony became a little clearer. He still couldn’t wait to hear from the man himself, but enduring the few hours before that could happen seemed more tolerable now.</p>
<p>He pulled his dish toward him and got started on his breakfast. It was cooled off, but it still tasted amazing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter decided to return to the hotel room to be alone and gather his thoughts. He felt slightly guilty for turning to Karen instead of his best friends, but it was something he needed to talk out in person, and he also didn’t want to tell anybody about Tony quite yet. Peter also felt guilty for not trusting Tony and listening to his reassurances. The man had explicitly told him not to get into his own head, and it had been the first thing he’d done. It was like every speck of progress he’d made in the past months had flown out the window at the first sign of trouble. He’d considered starving to lose weight faster just so that he could please Tony when he knew that behaviour like that would only make the man sad. Tony didn’t want him to starve or think negatively about himself. Tony had always said that more important than his goal of weighing under 200 pounds was improving his self-confidence, his self-talk, and his relationship with food. In the heat of his despair, he’d forgotten the most important lessons.</p>
<p>Peter had to come to terms with the fact that the best thing he could do was accept Tony’s words at face value and accept that the man loved him for what he was past and present, and hopefully the future. Peter knew that it was easier said than done, and he wasn’t going to solve all of his insecurities with one pep talk, but he was going to make a conscious effort to stop letting himself spiral. That wasn’t to say that the opportunities wouldn’t present themselves, but he was going to have to be open with Tony. Lay it all out on the line like he had been since the beginning. Just be honest. That included being honest with himself as well, even if that meant accepting that there were good qualities to him and that he was worthy of Tony. It made him shudder to even think with such confidence because felt like he was turning into an arrogant asshole or something, but it was necessary. Besides, he trusted Tony not to lie to him. Even more, he knew definitively that Tony wasn’t an idiot, and it wasn’t like he’d been tricked into liking him, so his feelings had to be real. If Tony, an adult, had made the decision to love him back, then who was he to argue?</p>
<p>He felt his phone buzz and thought it must be Harley explaining that he had woken up late and would meet him later, but to his delight, it was Tony.</p>
<p>He was feeling positive thanks to Karen and thanks to a ton of self-reflection, and now he had actual contact from Tony to improve his mood further.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I wish I could’ve stayed with you in bed all day.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Me too. I know you have to work, though.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I hope you’re having a good day anyways.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’ll be better once I see you, but in the meantime,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>try to have fun even if your heart aches for my<br/>presence…it’s the last day. ;)</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter was about to type something scathing about how bold it was of Tony to assume his heart ached for him, and obviously he would’ve finished the text by telling the man he was right, but he knew if something like that would have been said to him, even if it was a joke, it would’ve hurt. Especially because Karen had alluded to the fact that maybe Tony was nervous too. Peter also distinctly remembered Tony mentioning he had been hoping for a confession, and he had been working up to one himself, but hadn’t been able to quite get the words out. Peter wondered if maybe he and Tony were in the same boat with their nerves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll try my best, but I can’t wait to see you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I miss you, and believe it or not, I have<br/>a ton of stuff left to admit to you that I didn’t<br/>get to in the midst of all my rambling…<br/>Hope you’re ready for it. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter was nervous to be so forward because he wasn’t used to it, but saying things through text was a lot easier. He hoped Tony wouldn’t brush him off or leave him on read because that would have sucked, but his worries turned out to be for nothing. As they usually did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I told you. No holding back. I want to hear<br/>everything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I miss you too, Peter.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter smiled so big that his face hurt. He decided to take the advice and go make the most out of his remaining afternoon at the compound. Self-sabotage wasn’t going to do him any favours, and he wasn’t going to forget his place with Tony so easily the next time doubts started to creep in. Tony had confided in him about some of his own fears and troubles, and Peter had become so comfortable around the man, especially in the previous month. He didn’t want to go backwards. It was a tricky situation, though. He’d gathered the courage to confess his love for Tony, but he was in completely new territory now. He’d been comfortable with Tony as a personal trainer, and then as a friend, but now he had to acclimate to being a more—something that was hard for even for people with experience to do. It was also something that was significantly more troubling to him because of his severely low self-confidence and because he wasn’t actually sure if he was Tony’s boyfriend, or not.</p>
<p>He had to give himself some credit for even getting this far, though.</p>
<p>Peter looked over the pamphlet that outlined all the activities and amenities available at the compound and decided maybe it would do him some good to visit one of the group circles Tony had mentioned to him their first day there. There were a few different options that would work for his preferred timeframe. One for those who struggled with substance abuse, a confidence-building workshop, and one for eating disorders.</p>
<p>He wanted to go, but he wasn’t sure who he’d see there, and he also wasn’t sure if his disorder was serious enough to warrant filling up a chair at the discussion. The confidence workshop seemed like a good opportunity, but at the same time, his struggle with food was what had wrecked his confidence in the first place, so maybe hearing from others who shared his struggle would shed some light on his own situation and boost his confidence anyway. Two birds with one stone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter headed down to the proper room and promised himself that he was going to shower Tony with gratitude as soon as he saw him. Even if the group discussion sucked for whatever reason, the only reason he had access to it was because of the retreat that Tony had provided, and because of his insights on what activities should be available for guests. The man had also mentioned it to him as something he might like which spoke to how comfortable he was discussing Peter’s weight issues and how unbothered by them he was. Peter knew Tony had been with him from day one, and that meant something to him.</p>
<p>There were a dozen chairs in the room and a few of them were occupied by people that Peter didn’t know, but Bruce was sitting in one of them.</p>
<p>Peter decided to approach him and sit next to him, hoping that it wouldn’t make him uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“Hey, man,” Bruce said.</p>
<p>“Hey, Bruce. How’s it going?”</p>
<p>“Havin’ a great time.”</p>
<p>“Cool.” Peter smiled. “Not still pissed about getting dragged on the hike yesterday?”</p>
<p>“Nah, probably for the best,” Bruce admitted. “I needed to get out and do something, and the grounds really are something to look at. So much nature and greenery. Better than the inside of a hotel room.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded.</p>
<p>“How about you, though?” Bruce wondered. “You were worried about something.”</p>
<p>“How did you know that?”</p>
<p>“When you quiet your mind, you can hear more of what’s going on around you.”</p>
<p>Peter had a flashback to the first thing he’d ever heard about Bruce. Bucky had told him he was into the whole Zen thing. Peter had always thought Bruce was just out of it and not paying attention, but apparently it was the opposite. He was calm and detached so that he could notice more? Very odd.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s true,” Peter replied. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? “Everything’s great now.”</p>
<p>Bruce nodded once, and Peter could tell the conversation was over.</p>
<p>Peter was surprised to see Steve walk into the room after a few more minutes of waiting.</p>
<p>Peter settled into his chair, wondering what eating disorder Steve could possibly have. He always seemed so capable and put-together.</p>
<p>“Hey, guys,” Steve said. He came to sit down next to Peter.</p>
<p>“Hi, Steve,” Peter greeted. “Where’s Bucky?”</p>
<p>“I prefer to do meetings by myself,” Steve admitted.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, I get that. This is my first one ever,” Peter replied. “Thought I’d give it a shot.”</p>
<p>“Good for you,” Steve supplied. “Usually you hear that the first meeting’s the hardest, but the first time you share is probably the hardest.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded. “Yeah, if that’s okay, I don’t think I’m going to say anything today.”</p>
<p>“For sure, that’s okay,” Steve assured. “Actually, I’m thinking of getting a group going back home. Maybe you’d be interested in that. It’s more regular than this one, obviously, and you really build up a rapport with a steady group. You know, you see the same faces all the time and get to know everyone’s story.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, maybe I will,” Peter agreed. “Even if I don’t like join permanently or whatever, I’ll still come check it out.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Steve approved. “I’ll let you know when it gets started.”</p>
<p>Peter had been torn when he’d first walked through the door, wondering if it would be embarrassing or shameful to be seen at a group session for eating disorders since then it would be obvious he had one, but once he saw living proof of the other people around him who struggled, he felt immensely more confident in his decision. Val had once told him eating disorders could happen to anyone, and it was comforting to see it in action.</p>
<p>He learned that Steve had struggled with anorexia and used to weigh a third of what he did now, and he learned that Bruce had struggled with obesity and used to weigh three times his current weight. One woman mentioned that she struggled with binge eating, but that her binges would last for a couple weeks on end, and then she would fast for days at a time. Peter found himself getting tears in his eyes when he heard her say that a couple people told her it was okay because she was still thin, so obviously it wasn’t that serious. Steve made a great point, too, that a lot of the time, eating disorders or even general issues with weight could be some of the most criticized because the evidence was there on the body for anyone to see and judge. Peter thought about Tony and how his struggle with alcohol was easily concealed. He had always wished he didn’t have to carry the evidence of his weakness around under his clothes, basically on display for everyone who considered being overweight a character defect.</p>
<p>He didn’t leave the group meeting with an epiphany or a moment of enlightenment, but he felt validated and less alone hearing about what other people went through. He realized there was no such thing as a good eating disorder, and that healthy looked different on everybody. Peter hadn’t shared himself, but if Steve got a meeting going, then he was definitely attending.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter headed back to Tony’s room afterward and smiled when his watch lit up with a text since he thought it might’ve been Tony. It was only Harley telling him he was ready for lunch. Oh well, he was quite hungry and wanted to enjoy a better meal that the cooled eggs he’d consumed earlier.</p>
<p>He didn’t really have a good reason for heading back to the room other that wanting to see if Tony was there. Unfortunately, he wasn’t, so Peter decided to text him again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Hey. :)</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter chewed on his fingertip while he waited for Tony’s response. He felt a thrill go through him when his phone rang instead.</p>
<p>“Tony?”</p>
<p>“Hey,” Tony said.</p>
<p>Peter’s voice came out high when he asked why he was calling. It had just been a simple text.</p>
<p>Tony sighed. “Do I need a reason to call my boyfriend?”</p>
<p>Peter had to lie back on the bed.</p>
<p>“Pete? You there?”</p>
<p>“Sorry. I’m just…you said I was your boyfriend?”</p>
<p>“Should I be worried that came as a shock to you?”</p>
<p>“Well, I mean, we didn’t specifically say, so I wasn’t sure,” Peter admitted.</p>
<p>Tony chuckled. “Do you want a written contract?”</p>
<p>“I—yes. Is that possible?” Peter was only half joking.</p>
<p>“I’ll have my lawyer draw up one tomorrow,” Tony teased.</p>
<p>Peter sighed. “I’m sorry, Tony. I know you said not to overthink, but I couldn’t help it. I want to be your boyfriend, but I didn’t want to like rush you or anything because I know you said you didn’t have good relationships before, but,” Peter paused, “also, it makes me feel a lot better to have a label,</p>
<p>“First of all, if anyone’s going to be worried about rushing, it’s me. Second of all, you’re my boyfriend if that’s what you want to be. I’m going at any pace you set, Pete. I told you this morning. I want to do this right.”</p>
<p>“Is there a third of all?” Peter quipped.</p>
<p>“Uhm,” Tony began, “yeah, you know, I can’t really think of anything.”</p>
<p>“So what are you doing out there? Working hard?” Peter wondered.</p>
<p>“I just finished my meeting with the director of operations,” Tony answered, “and I was about to pop into the spa to make sure that they were keeping up with demand and that everyone had a chance for an appointment, but anyway, I don’t need to bore you about that.”</p>
<p>“No,” Peter disagreed, “I like hearing about your work. It’s impressive.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Tony cleared his throat, “and then after that I was going to pay you a visit.”</p>
<p>“Oh! You were?” Peter didn’t conceal his excitement. “I mean, yeah, cool, whatever.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Yeah, where are you?”</p>
<p>“In the room, but I was about to meet Harley in the dining hall, but I can wait. I’d rather eat with you.”</p>
<p>“No, that’s fine, go ahead, and I’ll meet you there.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure? I honestly don’t mind waiting for you.”</p>
<p>“I’m very sure. Who knows how long this will take, and I don’t want you to go hungry if you don’t have to.”</p>
<p>Peter bit his lip. “Okay, Tony. Also, sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you on the phone so long.”</p>
<p>After he said it, Peter remembered that Tony had been the one to call him, and he wasn’t all that sorry for the conversation. He felt so much better about everything, and Tony sounded happy to talk to him too.</p>
<p>“I mean,” Peter corrected. “I’m not supposed to be apologizing, so I’m <em>not </em>sorry.”</p>
<p>“Good boy,” Tony said. “I’ll see you soon.”</p>
<p>The man disconnected, and Peter had to pace around the room to gather himself. He recovered, although his face was taking a beating from all the smiling. <em>Good boy. </em>He was pretty sure Tony had meant it as a joke, or an offhanded comment, but Peter had enjoyed it way more than he could have ever imagined.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter froze when he stepped into the hallway and saw Pepper Potts looking straight at him.</p>
<p>“Oh, hi, m—uhm, Pepper.”</p>
<p>He could see that she knew whose room he’d just left.</p>
<p>“Hi, Peter.”</p>
<p>“Hi.”</p>
<p>“Is Tony in there?”</p>
<p>“No.” Peter blushed. “He’s with, uh, the director someone?”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Pepper rolled her eyes. “Nick, the director of operations.”</p>
<p>“Director sounds important.”</p>
<p>Pepper shrugged. “He makes sure the compound runs smoothly. He’s been on us all weekend showing us where to cut costs and where we can stand to increase the budget. Things like that.”</p>
<p>“Sounds annoying.”</p>
<p>“It is.”</p>
<p>“Right.”</p>
<p>“Anyway, it wasn’t important,” Pepper explained. “I was coming to see if he wanted to grab lunch.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Peter said. “I was on my way to do the same…Harley’s going to meet me there. You can sit with us. Tony was going to meet me—um, us, after.”</p>
<p>Pepper smiled. “Sure, that sounds great. As long as I’m not imposing.”</p>
<p>“No way,” Peter assured. He tried not to feel awkward because Pepper obviously knew something was going on. He wasn’t sure if he should call attention to it, or wait for her to mention it himself, so he kept his mouth shut.</p>
<p>Peter smiled. It was hard to keep up with Pepper since she walked fast with her long legs, but he managed.</p>
<p>“How are you liking reception?” Pepper wondered while they were in the elevator. “Is it what you expected?”</p>
<p>“Well, I always thought it was just answering phones, but there’s definitely more to it than that. People have all kinds of questions, and sometimes you have to show people were to go, or get them set up with memberships, and then they ask you which level you think is the best for them, and you don’t want to lie and say platinum just to make more money, but you also want to encourage them to go for their goals. Sometimes customers think they’re talking to a fitness expert, or something, and I do my best to answer their questions, but you know. It’s tricky, but I like it. When I used to work at Delmar’s, tourists or random people always wanted directions or recommendations about stuff, so I think there’s more going on behind the scenes of any kind of job, really, and it can be exciting. Sort of a challenge, but I don’t mind helping people out. Uhm, so to answer your question, it’s great.”</p>
<p>Pepper raised her eyebrows. “You certainly put a lot of thought into the job.”</p>
<p>“Well, if I do something, I want to do it right. Especially because Tony went out of his way to help me out. I take it seriously.”</p>
<p>Pepper nodded. “We’re lucky to have you working for us, then.”</p>
<p>“That’s a relief,” Peter said. He hesitated for a moment before adding, “I kind of thought you hated me.”</p>
<p>“What gave you that idea?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Peter admitted. “Because of the joke when we were getting on the bus. I might have overreacted.” He stuck by his decision to defend Tony, but he hadn’t had all the facts when the claws came out.</p>
<p>“Nope. I admittedly had other concerns, but you standing up for Tony wasn’t one of them. I thought you might’ve considered me a terrible friend for what I said, but you couldn’t have known there was no lake here.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, true.” Peter blushed. “My bad. And, I don’t. Tony obviously really respects you, so. I couldn’t hate you.”</p>
<p>“Then I guess we’re good,” Pepper decided. “You’re a loyal little thing, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Peter wanted to shrug it off and downplay the compliment, but it was true. He was loyal to his friends, to May, and now to Tony. Without question.</p>
<p>“Absolutely,” Peter said.</p>
<p>Pepper nodded. “Good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look what the cat dragged in,” Harley declared when he saw Pepper and Peter walking into the room. “I’ve been waiting forever.”</p>
<p>“You got up like two minutes ago.” Peter frowned.</p>
<p>“So?”</p>
<p>Pepper shook her head. “Are you sure Harley has to join us? I can only take so much.”</p>
<p>“M’lady,” Harley said, holding out his arm for Pepper to take.</p>
<p>She pointedly ignored it and walked by.</p>
<p>“Denied,” Peter teased. “Better luck next time.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” Harley asked. “What about you? Where’s Tony?”</p>
<p>Peter rolled his eyes. “None of your business.”</p>
<p>“Wow, okay. You’re feisty today. Must be all that pent up sexual fru—”</p>
<p>“Harley, seriously?”</p>
<p>“It’s cool,” Harley said. “I told you. I’m a genius. I put two and two together.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I saw Tony walking around here earlier looking all moony and idiotic, and you all smiley? Please.”</p>
<p>“Stop it,” Peter hissed. “You can’t say anything.”</p>
<p>“Who am I gonna tell?” Harley wondered. “Besides, I’m happy for you and for myself. I totally called it. I told you. This weekend was your chance. I’m like a prophet or something.”</p>
<p>Peter rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“Are you two coming or what?” Pepper demanded. “I swear.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter kept looking at the entrance to the dining hall every minute, hoping that he would be seeing Tony entering the room sooner than later. Tony had said he wasn’t sure how long he would take with his tasks, but Peter was hopeful that meant he could be done earlier than he’d anticipated.</p>
<p>Of course, he skipped looking at the door for one beat and that was when Tony had been able to slip in undetected. One minute Peter was in the middle of answering one of Pepper’s questions about school, and then Tony was sliding into the seat next to him. It was obvious to everyone that he was affected since right in the middle of his sentence, his voice had died out as his brain went offline. He turned red and then crimson when Tony put his arm around his shoulders and kissed him on the cheek. So much for worrying that Tony didn’t want to their relationship to be public.</p>
<p>Peter didn’t know what to say, but Harley was a good bro and rolled his eyes. “Get a room. I’m trying to eat.”</p>
<p>Pepper nodded in agreement although she had a small smile on her face.</p>
<p>Tony didn’t remove his arm, and Peter could have died and gone to Heaven.</p>
<p>“Speaking of rooms,” Tony said to Harley. “Next year you can sleep outside.”</p>
<p>Peter laughed. Tony’s jokes about firing people when he didn’t like what they were saying had obviously evolved.</p>
<p>“Besides,” Peter added, “you were done eating like half an hour ago.”</p>
<p>Harley shrugged. “I’m digesting then. Same difference.”</p>
<p>Pepper raised her eyebrows and shook her head. “On that note, I’m going to go and fetch Happy.”</p>
<p>“Leaving so soon?” Tony wondered.</p>
<p>“I need to follow up with Nick about his email, and then I have a manicure booked, thank you very much.”</p>
<p>“He already sent an email?” Tony groaned. “He yapped at me for almost two hours, and he had more to say to you?”</p>
<p>“Maybe he wanted to make sure everything was recorded since you’re obviously distracted.” Pepper nodded at Peter pointedly, but her expression was more amused than angry.</p>
<p>Peter giggled when Tony frowned and looked away from him to ask Pepper to repeat what she had said.</p>
<p>“Exactly my point,” Pepper said to Tony.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged. “Okay, we’ll catch up later.”</p>
<p>Harley stood up when Pepper did. “Yeah, I’m gonna peace out too. There’s only so much romance I can witness.”</p>
<p>“Go then.” Tony encouraged. “I don’t like sharing anyway.”</p>
<p>Peter offered both Pepper and Harley a wave, and then he and Tony were alone at the table.</p>
<p>“You and Pepper,” Tony began. “How’d that happen?”</p>
<p>“She came by looking for you,” Peter admitted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get caught or anything, but she was in the hallway when I left your room. She was looking for you, so I said you were gone, but that she could eat with me if she wanted.”</p>
<p>“That’s fine,” Tony replied. “Rewind, though. What do you mean ‘get caught’?”</p>
<p>“Well. I wasn’t sure if you wanted anybody to know. I mean, when you put your arm around me and everything just now, I didn’t—I don’t know. I thought you might want it to be a secret?”</p>
<p>“Fuck I’m an idiot,” Tony groaned.</p>
<p>“What, why?”</p>
<p>“Because I should’ve laid it all out for you. I left too many questions unanswered, but I was too caught up. Not thinking. I should’ve known not to leave it all for tonight,” Tony explained.</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault.”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “You’ve been stewing all day, haven’t you?”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Peter admitted.</p>
<p>“Okay, let’s clear a few things up then,” Tony said. “We’ll go back to the room.”</p>
<p>“O-okay.” Peter nodded his head. “Sure. Cool.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry I left you all on your own,” Tony said once they got into the room. “I should’ve had Pepper take over.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, Tony. It’s okay,” Peter said quietly while he sat down on the bed. “I wasn’t all alone.”</p>
<p>“You know what I mean.” Tony sighed and sat down next to Peter.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but I know you’re busy with work. It’s not your fault that I worry so much,” Peter explained. “I already knew when I agreed to come on the trip that you weren’t going to be around to hold my hand…I was caught up too and let myself get way too worked up. I’m the one who should be sorry.”</p>
<p>Tony reached over and grabbed Peter’s hand from where he was fidgeting in his lap. “I plan on telling Rhodey the good news as soon as I drop you off tonight, and Pepper has known I feel about you for a while now.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t know,” Peter admitted. “I didn’t think it was that important to you.”</p>
<p>“Well it is,” Tony countered. “I wasn’t kidding about not letting me rush you into anything, either. I don’t expect you to be on the same page as me because you’re young, and this is your first relationship, but I’m serious about this. I’ll go as slow or as fast as you want, Pete. Tell everyone, tell no one. Tell whoever you want.”</p>
<p>“That’s my problem,” Peter began. “I feel serious about it too, and it’s scary…like, I only told you how I felt last night, but I’ve had those feelings for so long that my brain feels like we’ve already been together for a while, but I don’t want to seem weird and clingy, or scare you away. And I hate how insecure I am about everything because you shouldn’t need to reassure me all the time. It’s not fair to you, and I keep thinking you’re going to tell me you regret last night, or,” Peter took a breath, “if I let myself believe all the nice things you say to me, you’re going to take them away, but at the same time I want you to say those things, and I want to believe them. I just make all this extra work for you, and I don’t know how to be good enough for you, but I’m trying really hard.”</p>
<p>Peter stared at his lap the entire time he spoke. It was so hard to get the words out, be so vulnerable, but he couldn’t keep it inside. Just like the love confession and all the compliments he had for Tony, the insecurities bubbled to the surface and needed to be let out.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what to say, Peter,” Tony replied. “I knew you were special the first time I ever saw you, and I didn’t know what to do about it except try to be around you. Be there for you without pushing you away and hope like hell you didn’t think I was some freak,” Tony sighed before he continued. “When you came to me last night, like I said, I was so caught up in it all, and I thought I’d been so obvious about everything that you would know exactly how I felt.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mean that you did anything wrong,” Tony continued. “I mean that I should’ve used my words instead of making out with you all night, although that was great. I should’ve—I don’t know. I should be more open like you are. Not leave any thought unspoken. I should’ve told you how lucky I was to even know you.”</p>
<p>Peter’s expression softened even more. “So it’s not stupid of me to feel like we’re already serious even though it’s been less than a day?”</p>
<p>“Hell no,” Tony said. “I don’t do anything half-assed, and that goes for us. Why beat around the bush and pretend it isn’t what it is?”</p>
<p>“That makes me feel so much better,” Peter admitted. “I was going crazy all day wondering if something was wrong with me for caring so much.”</p>
<p>“No. That’s what I love about you,” Tony said firmly.</p>
<p>Peter adjusted his position on the bed so he could face Tony more easily. “Can I hug you?”</p>
<p>Tony huffed. “You don’t have to ask.”</p>
<p>Peter was aware that he’d already made out with Tony, and he’d already hugged him even when they were only friends, and when they’d woken up together in each other’s arms, the man hadn’t seemed put off, but in that moment, he felt sensitive. He wanted to hear that Tony wanted him and that it was okay.</p>
<p>Peter looped his arms around Tony’s waist and rested his head against his chest. Tony rubbed his back, and Peter noticed that he didn’t let his hands go any lower than his shoulder blades.</p>
<p>He figured he might as well go for broke and admit another of his worries since they were there. “If we’re serious so soon, isn’t it going to bother you that I’m not ready for anything more than kissing?”</p>
<p>“No,” Tony replied. “I’d be bothered if you pretended you were ready when you weren’t.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded. He wasn’t sure what the expiration date on that was, but he was appeased for the moment.</p>
<p>After his neck started to get sore from the weird angle of their hug, Peter pulled away. “It’s time to go soon, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tony answered.</p>
<p>“So you have to go see everyone off, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“I do, but like I said, Pepper can—”</p>
<p>“No,” Peter refused. “No. I’m good. Seriously, Tony.”</p>
<p>“Is this a test?”</p>
<p>Peter rolled his eyes. “No. I’ve never liked the idea of taking up your time, but you insisted, so I learned to accept it. This is different. I know you have to go, and I’m not going to be a big baby and make you stay here.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Why are you so mature?”</p>
<p>“Um, the trauma?” Peter suggested.</p>
<p>“Jesus, you’re dark.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “I’m serious, though.”</p>
<p>“One more thing,” Peter hesitated. “Usually when I am being a baby, you tell me to knock it off, and you tell me I’m being ridiculous. This time you didn’t. You’re not going soft on me are you?”</p>
<p>“You try to be nice, and this is what you get for it,” Tony complained.</p>
<p>Peter rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“No,” Tony continued, “there’s a difference between unfounded self-hatred, and if I hear any of that, I will absolutely tell you to shut up, but this was different. Worrying about where you stand in a relationship, especially the first day of your first one? I’m not going to be hard on you for that. Well, maybe I won’t be hard on you yet, but when you’re ready—”</p>
<p>“Tony!” Peter cried, putting his head in hands to hide his embarrassment.</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Hey, it’s not what you think. You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say, if we’re a year in, and you’re still wondering if I like you? I think I’m going to have initiate tough love protocol.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded. “That sounds fair.”</p>
<p>“All right then, I’m going to head out and get all the ducks in a row, and then we’ll be off.”</p>
<p>“Sounds good.”</p>
<p>“What are you gonna do?”</p>
<p>“I’ll probably make one last tour of the place. Say bye to a few people. Then I’ll come back and wait for you.”</p>
<p>Peter got up from the bed, but Tony caught his arm and pulled him back down.</p>
<p>“Forgetting something?”</p>
<p>Peter licked his lips. “I don’t know. Am I?”</p>
<p>Tony moved forward and pressed his lips to Peter’s. He pulled away after a few seconds and brushed Peter’s hair from his face yet again. “There, now you can go.”</p>
<p>Peter sighed. “You can’t just do that right before I have to leave. Now my head’s all dizzy.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Serves you right for what you do to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter couldn’t tell whether the rest of his day dragged by or flew by. He felt like was in some sort of time warp of anticipation and apprehension. Apart from the nights he’d spent with Tony—all two of them—the ride back to Queens would constitute the most one-on-one time they’d spent together. Nobody else would be in the car. No distractions. No hints or innuendos to hide behind, either. Just Peter and Tony together alone, everything out in the open and on the line.</p>
<p>He took a walk around the compound and ran into Scott who gave him the full story of the motorcycle he’d mentioned that he stole. He saw Eddie and Wade playing one on one at the basketball courts, and both of them kept shouting randomly at teammates who weren’t there, so he walked by quickly before he could get pulled into whatever that was.</p>
<p>He found Karen near the spa chatting with Natasha and Sam. He listened in envy while they explained all the services they’d used during the trip. Peter vowed that if he was on the retreat in 2020, he was definitely getting something done, whether it was hot rocks, or a massage, or even a pedicure.</p>
<p>He found Harley in the dining room and decided to eat his last meal with him. On the way to pick up a plate, he walked by Peter 2 who gave him a curt nod. Peter felt sort of bad for him, but he didn’t know what to say to the guy, so he just told him it was nice to have met him.</p>
<p>When it was time to load the buses up for the ride home, Peter decided to hang back inside the room and out of sight because he didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that he wasn’t boarding with everybody else.</p>
<p>He showered and changed, then took his time consolidating everything clean into his new duffel bag and putting all the old stuff in his backpack. Then because Tony still wasn’t back, he decided to pack his stuff for him too.</p>
<p>Peter sat on the edge of the bed, his bags at his feet. He tried not to be too jittery, but his legs kept bouncing, and he alternated between biting his lip and drumming his fingers against the bed.</p>
<p>Finally, he heard the mechanism in the door sound, and Tony was walking toward him.</p>
<p>Peter wasn’t sure how to proceed. Tony looked tan and gorgeous from his day out in the sun.</p>
<p>Peter’s heart hammered in his chest while he plotted his next move. He didn’t have to make any decisions when Tony pulled him in for a hug. Tony’s skin was hot and felt good against his own since he’d basically been sitting in the A/C all day.</p>
<p>“I know I said it before,” Tony said, “but I am sorry that I left you here to ruminate in self-doubt. That was a total dick move.”</p>
<p>“No,” Peter disagreed. “You said we’d talk it out and not to worry…I disobeyed a direct order.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Okay, your fault then. I accept.”</p>
<p>“Hey,” Peter complained. “I didn’t say that.”</p>
<p>“Well I did.”</p>
<p>Peter moved forward to shove Tony playfully, but Tony was ready for it and caught his arms.</p>
<p>“Let’s make up for lost time,” Tony suggested.</p>
<p>Peter was so happy he’d showered and brushed his teeth while Tony was out because he had zero worries when the man deepened their kiss.</p>
<p>Eventually, Peter had no choice but to pull away because his situation was getting more uncomfortable by the minute, and as much as he wanted to listen to his traitorous dick and let himself get carried away, he chose to be rational.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Peter said breathlessly. “Um. That’s, um.” How was he supposed to say that he’d had enough but hadn’t had enough in a polite way? “Can we stop?”</p>
<p>Tony nodded and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Absolutely. Good idea.”</p>
<p>Peter rushed forward and pressed one last kiss to Tony’s neck since he hadn’t had the opportunity for that.</p>
<p>“Hold onto that thought for next time,” Tony suggested. “Otherwise—yeah, just…next time.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Peter squeaked.</p>
<p>“On that note, we should hit the road. What do you say?”</p>
<p>“I’m not ready to go back,” Peter admitted.</p>
<p>“You can come with me next weekend for the second round.”</p>
<p>“Don’t tempt me.”</p>
<p>Tony pouted. “But I like tempting you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Confrontation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter and Tony drive back to Queens. Peter decides whether to tell May about everything or keep another secret.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter was one car ride closer to his goal of riding in all of Tony’s vehicles. This one was his favourite yet. He knew nothing about the specs, only that is was red and fast.</p>
<p>“This car is amazing,” Peter complimented.</p>
<p>“I know right? The McLaren 720S Spider. They don’t make ‘em like this anymore.”</p>
<p>“It’s brand new.”</p>
<p>“I said what I said.”</p>
<p>Peter rolled his eyes. “So I guess you’re not arachnophobic?”</p>
<p>“Arachnophobic? Oh,” Tony levelled Peter with a bemused stare, “no, I’m not.”</p>
<p>“Just asking.” Peter held his hands up.</p>
<p>“You know, I bet if I push her, we can catch up to the buses.”</p>
<p>“The faster you go, the faster I have to go home,” Peter pointed out.</p>
<p>“Not necessarily.”</p>
<p>Peter considered it. They could fly past all of the coach buses and beat them back home. It didn’t mean he and Tony had to stop hanging out.</p>
<p>“Let’s do it,” Peter agreed.</p>
<p>Tony gave him a mischievous grin and then they were flying even faster than they had been.</p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Peter cried, reaching for the non-existent handle above the passenger window. May’s car had one, and he grabbed it frequently. She had nothing on Tony. “What if we get pulled over?”</p>
<p>Peter peeked at the speedometer which was pushing ninety miles per hour.</p>
<p>Tony didn’t seem bothered. They went for almost twenty minutes like that, zipping in and out of traffic and passing everybody they approached. Finally, they caught up to the buses.</p>
<p>Peter and Tony dissolved into a fit of laughter after that, and the man slowed down to a more reasonable speed since their goal had been accomplished.</p>
<p>“That was awesome,” Peter remarked. He was breathless from the exhilaration of driving so fast and from being in Tony’s presence.</p>
<p>“Yeah? You know, if you like this car, I can—”</p>
<p>“You’re not giving me a car,” Peter interrupted.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on,” Tony complained. “That’s mean.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, man. Not happening.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, fine,” Tony sighed but he didn’t look upset. “Eventually, you’re getting a car.”</p>
<p>Peter shrugged. “Eventually doesn’t mean anytime soon.”</p>
<p>“We’ll see.”</p>
<p>Peter rolled his eyes fondly. “You’ve already given me a watch and a laptop, and like a thousand dollars worth of gift cards, and definitely a few thousand dollars worth of your time, so—”</p>
<p>“You can’t put a value on my time. I’m not a prostitute.”</p>
<p>Peter frowned. “Everyone’s time is valued like that.”</p>
<p>“Very true. How much did you pay for the membership and lessons to begin with? I’ll refund you, then we’ll be square.”</p>
<p>“Tony,” Peter warned. “Stop. You know I owe you much more than that was worth. You’re not giving me anything else except what I get for working.”</p>
<p>“You drive a hard bargain,” Tony complimented. “And one day, you’ll be driving a car. In the meantime, you have to accept some gifts.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Peter agreed, “and I will. Just not super ridiculous stuff, and definitely no refunds for my lessons. I better not see any mysterious bonus added to my cheque either.” Peter narrowed his eyes.</p>
<p>“Damn.” Tony blinked. “Fine. You win, Pete. I guess I can’t buy you a car, but you’ll be getting spoiled one way or another.”</p>
<p>Peter shook his head. “I don’t have anything to give back to you, though.”</p>
<p>“You’re here in the car with me, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“That’s all I need.”</p>
<p>Peter sighed. He really wished he would’ve admitted things to Tony sooner if it meant he was going to get such romantic things slung at him every five seconds. Peter instinctively reached across the console to grab Tony’s hand. He’d been resting it on his thigh since he didn’t have to shift too much on the highway. Before he could grab it, he chickened out since he wasn’t sure if Tony liked to have his hand held while driving. He always saw stock photos online of couples holding hands in between the seats, or the driver resting his hand on the passenger’s thigh. He had always wanted to try it.</p>
<p>Tony glanced at him with a quirked eyebrow and turned his hand palm up as an invitation.</p>
<p>Peter decided to go for it with the encouragement.</p>
<p>They drove without speaking for a few minutes with nothing but the sounds of the road and the radio filling their ears.</p>
<p>“Hey, can I ask you a question?”</p>
<p>Peter had been busy tracing over Tony’s knuckles with his fingers and had to tear his gaze away when Tony spoke. “What?”</p>
<p>“You said you were waiting for me to tell you I wanted you, right?” Tony began. “But you also said that you didn’t expect me to like you back. How does that work?”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Peter huffed. “Well, it’s kind of hard to explain.”</p>
<p>“Try me.”</p>
<p>Peter rolled his eyes. “Ever since you came to see Murph—”</p>
<p>“You think I popped by for the cat?”</p>
<p>“Well, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>Tony sighed. “He’s a cute cat, but no.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>“Continue.”</p>
<p>Peter frowned. “Anyway, Mr. Delmar thought you were like, interested, or whatever, because you offered me a ride, and then—are you sure you want to know all this? It’s embarrassing.”</p>
<p>Tony chuckled. “I asked, didn’t I?”</p>
<p>“Ugh. So, May knew I liked you and started acting weird about it when you got me the watch and we started doing lessons as friends, and Bucky was always teasing me about liking you, but he never made it seem like you liked me back, but then Karen and Harley both thought I had a chance with you, and I wanted to think that, too, but I just couldn’t see it. Like why would you want me? You’re obviously more established, and important. Totally out of my league, and—”</p>
<p>“Peter.”</p>
<p>“Stop interrupting,” Peter complained. “Since you have so much going for you, I didn’t think you’d be scared to say anything <em>if </em>you liked me, so when you didn’t, I took that as proof you weren’t interested.”</p>
<p>“Let me get this straight,” Tony responded. “People were telling you flat out that they could see I was interested, and you still didn’t believe it?”</p>
<p>“I thought they were delusional,” Peter admitted. “I mean, you never texted me except about working out, and we shared a bed, and I thought for sure if you really liked me that would’ve been when I knew, but you never made a move, and there was that time you asked me if I wanted to go out with Shuri, and besides all that, I’m younger than you, and maybe to everyone else that seemed like an advantage for you, but I can tell you don’t like that you’re older than me. I don’t know, there’s other stuff, but basically, we were friends. I didn’t know what to think about it all.”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “I trained with you for months, and went to your graduation, and I flirted with you like crazy, and invited you here when you’ve worked for me for less than a month, and I got you the job in the first place.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you’re nice guy. I didn’t take it personally,” Peter explained. “You’re always generous and nice to everybody. Plus I thought you came to the graduation to see May, not me, and…yeah.”</p>
<p>“May? What would I want with May?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. You said something about her nice voice, and you asked about getting her to train with us.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Okay, wow. I was trying to have a conversation with you.”</p>
<p>Peter shrugged. “How do you explain the Shuri thing, though?”</p>
<p>“I wanted to see what you’d say. I didn’t actually want you to go out with her.”</p>
<p>“Wow. But—but what about the sleepover we had?”</p>
<p>“What about it?”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you make a move while we were in the same bed?”</p>
<p>“How about because that creep had just harassed you and because I’m 41 years old. I wasn’t sure about admitting anything at all, and definitely not like that.”</p>
<p>“That’s what MJ said,” Peter mused.</p>
<p>“Peter, listen to your friends,” Tony pleaded. “And your aunt.”</p>
<p>Peter glowered.</p>
<p>“And what would you have done if I made a move like that anyway?” Tony asked. “You said yourself you’re not ready.”</p>
<p>Peter felt dumb trying to put it into words. The first time he and Tony had shared a bed, he’d considered initiating some sort of sexual contact with the man, but when he’d actually had the chance the night before, he was no longer ready. It was like he didn’t have to think about making a move on Tony in the physical sense as a distraction anymore—as if sucking his dick would convince him to have romantic feelings—he could just exist without doing anything sexual, and Tony would still want him. No distractions or sexual motivators. Holding off from sex when he wasn’t ready was actually a huge display of confidence in both himself and in Tony.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Peter admitted. “I guess I thought that if I could do stuff for you maybe it would convince you to like me, but even if you had said anything or wanted to do anything then, it would be just like it was last night, and just like it was today. I know how to say no.”</p>
<p>Tony didn’t look happy, but he didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>Peter was scared he’d revealed too much. Maybe he’d accidentally proved that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Tony had said that he hadn’t wanted to make a move because he was young and didn’t want to hold him back from his life. Maybe Tony was feeling guilty again.</p>
<p>“Are you mad?”</p>
<p>“No,” Tony replied.</p>
<p>“You seem like it.”</p>
<p>“I’m just thinking.”</p>
<p>“About what?” Peter pressed.</p>
<p>“I’m glad I can trust you to be honest with me. It’s a relief to know that if I accidentally push you too far, you’re going to push back. I wasn’t sure…like I said, it was one of the reasons I wanted you to admit your feelings first. I wanted to be absolutely sure you were ready.”</p>
<p>Peter was relieved. “I know I still have a long way to go, and maybe I’m gonna have to rely on you for some guidance and reassurance, obviously, but you’re right. I am ready, and I want to try.”</p>
<p>“Me too, even though I’m a disaster,” Tony admitted.</p>
<p>“You are not a disaster.”</p>
<p>“No, I am.”</p>
<p>“Nope. You’re not allowed to talk that way about yourself. New rule.”</p>
<p>“Oh come on, you just said five minutes ago you were out of my league,” Tony argued. “What’s that if not negative self-talk?”</p>
<p>“Facts.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, definitely not worried about pushing you,” Tony said. “You’re so argumentative and definitely not scared to speak your mind.”</p>
<p>“When it comes to certain stuff,” Peter amended. “Like defending you.”</p>
<p>“Who taught you how to sweet talk?”</p>
<p>“It’s a gift.”</p>
<p>“Speaking of gifts…are you absolutely positive you don’t want a car?”</p>
<p>“I’m not answering that.”</p>
<p>“So is that a yes? A maybe?”</p>
<p>Peter laughed. “I’m more worried about telling May about these new developments to be honest. We can talk about cars later.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Tony said. “So when are you thinking of doing that?”</p>
<p>“I was going to tell her tonight,” Peter admitted. “If that’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Okay are you going to tell her and then have me come up? Or do you want to do it together?”</p>
<p>“Oh, um, I was thinking I would tell her by myself just to give her some time. I don’t think she’s going to be super pissed because from what she’s said, she’s sort of seen it coming…but still, I want to put some distance between you two just in case.”</p>
<p>“All right. Whatever you want, Pete.”</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure how much he should tell May. He couldn’t keep things from her forever, but he still considered his thoughts from earlier about jinxing things with Tony if he told anyone they were together. He knew if May found out later, she would be upset that he’d kept it a secret, but if he told her now, she was going to go off about how she’d been right all along, and how Tony was a bad guy, and he really didn’t want to hear it. He had his own concerns about the relationship, and he didn’t want her stress to add onto his, otherwise he might have a breakdown. He really had no idea  how she was going to take the news, but he decided that the sooner he told her, the better.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’ll tell her tonight, and I’ll let you know how it goes,” Peter explained. “Just to give you a warning, she might freak out.”</p>
<p>“I’d find it strange if she didn’t.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Peter said. “Depending on how long it takes her to cool down…I don’t know when we can have our date.”</p>
<p>“One worry at a time,” Tony suggested. “Get through telling her first, and then we can make our plans. I’ll be patient.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded. “I guess if I could tell you what I told you last night, I can handle telling May this.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Tony teased. “She does seem pretty tough.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, babe, how was the trip?” May asked when she heard Peter come in.</p>
<p>Peter walked in and plopped his bags at the side of the couch. May immediately enveloped him in a hug. “I missed you so much.”</p>
<p>“I missed you too, May.”</p>
<p>“So, how was it?” May pressed while they sat down.</p>
<p>“It was amazing,” Peter replied.</p>
<p>“Oh, good.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you should’ve seen it. The compound is absolutely huge,” Peter described. “There was so much to do and so many people around…four days wasn’t even close to being enough time to take advantage of everything.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” May commented. “So, Tony really is an honest to God millionaire, then.”</p>
<p>“Seriously. Every single person who came got a swag bag.” Peter gestured to his new pride and joy. “It was full of stuff, and there’s actually another retreat next week for everybody who couldn’t go this weekend.”</p>
<p>“He’s a generous man,” May commented.</p>
<p>“For sure.”</p>
<p>“So what else?” May patted Peter’s knee. “Did you meet anybody? Make any friends?”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah. A guy named Harley. We hung out a bit, but everybody on the trip was great. I met tons of new people, and some of the people from my gym were there too. Oh, and I think I met that yoga instructor you were talking about, Mantis? She really does make you fall asleep.”</p>
<p>May chuckled. “I’m glad you had a good time.</p>
<p>Peter nodded. “Um. There is something else.”</p>
<p>May narrowed her eyes. “Okay…”</p>
<p>“Well,” Peter scratched his hair. <em>Just spit it out. The sooner the better.</em></p>
<p>“You know, you said if I ever wanted to talk to you about Tony, I could,” Peter began. He ran a finger around the collar of his shirt and then settled his hands in his lap. “Uhh.”</p>
<p>May inclined her head.</p>
<p>“So, I sort of told him that I like him.”</p>
<p>May didn’t say anything right away.</p>
<p>“And I really hope you won’t be mad.”</p>
<p>“What did he do?” May frowned.</p>
<p>Peter averted his eyes. He wasn’t sure if she would be more pissed if Tony rejected him in a rude way, or that he didn’t reject him. Each scenario would probably earn Tony an equal amount of May’s wrath. Peter took a breath.</p>
<p>“What is it?” May pressed.</p>
<p>“He likes me back.” As much as Peter was terrified of May being angry at him or Tony, or both of them, he couldn’t help but smile. Saying it out loud never got old. Tony wanted him. It still didn’t make sense to him, but neither did most rocket science, and he could still accept and appreciate NASA’s existence. Then again, he thought if he studied rocket science more frequently he’d start to understand it...</p>
<p>“I—I don’t know what to say,” May admitted. “I wasn’t expecting this.”</p>
<p>“Right.” Peter’s first thought was that May didn’t think an actual relationship between him and Tony could be a possibility because of how much he lacked, but she had been the one to tell him that’s what Tony wanted from him, so what the hell did she mean she wasn’t expecting it?</p>
<p>“What—ugh.” May shook her head. “How do you know he likes you back? Did something happen?”</p>
<p>“No,” Peter answered quickly. “No. Nothing like that. I swear.”</p>
<p>“Good,” May said, “he’s lucky.”</p>
<p>Peter frowned. “All that happened was I told him the truth, and apparently he feels the same way which is…awesome. I mean, I honestly didn’t expect it, and now he sort of wants to take me on a date, and I know what you’re gonna say, but—”</p>
<p>“Peter, you’re 17 years old. What do you not understand? What does he not understand?”</p>
<p>“I don’t get it,” Peter sighed, defeated. “You were the one who said I could talk to you about this. You invited him to my graduation, you didn’t mind me getting rides with him, and you even made that stupid bet with me. I don’t get it,” Peter repeated. “This is why I hate telling you things. You always freak out!”</p>
<p>“Oh, you haven’t even seen me freak out, mister.”</p>
<p>Peter put his head in his hands. “You don’t understand what he means to me.”</p>
<p>May sighed. “I know.”</p>
<p>“Then why are you so upset?”</p>
<p>“Because,” May’s voice wavered. She took a breath and composed herself before she continued. “Because,” she said more calmly. “The worst thing I can imagine is seeing you get hurt, and I don’t know if you’re ready for a relationship. If it was with someone your own age, it would be so much different because you’re on the same page, but Tony…he’s got a whole life of his own, and I don’t want you to disappear in it.”</p>
<p>Peter knitted his eyebrows together. “Tony’s not like that, though, May, and I think you know that too. I mean, the only time he’s ever even gotten mad at me was when I called myself names. He’s like the best thing that ever happened to me.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t make me feel better. You’re such a good boy, and you’re going to college, and you’re going to get a fancy job, and have a good life. You don’t need anybody for that.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Peter agreed. “The only person I’ve ever <em>needed</em> is you.”</p>
<p>“Suck up.”</p>
<p>Peter shrugged. “It’s true.”</p>
<p>May shook her head. “Peter.”</p>
<p>“I just…I want the chance to do this. You don’t have to approve, but if you could just give it a chance, and I promise, even if I end up getting hurt, or if anything goes wrong, or I don’t know, if you give me advice, I swear I’ll listen to it. I mean, besides not being with him, but please May, I know how much you’ve done for me and how much you’ve given up, and I don’t want to keep asking for more, but, please.”</p>
<p>May frowned.</p>
<p>“I mean, come on. What did you think of him at grad?”</p>
<p>“I liked him just fine, but, there’s a difference between that and this, and of course I knew he felt something for you…so I guess this really shouldn’t surprise me, but I trusted him to not.”</p>
<p>“So you would rather he reject me? That would’ve broken my heart too.”</p>
<p>“This is so hard.” May pressed a hand to the side of her face. “I don’t know what the right answer is. I don’t know what to say,” she admitted.</p>
<p>Peter felt guilty for bombarding her. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he’d never needed anyone as much as her. Without May he didn’t know where he’d be. She was his only family, and the sacrifices she’d made for him over the years couldn’t be topped by anyone, ever. He hated to ask something more of her, but it was the chance to grow his family more. He’d lost so many people, and so had she, and if he had the chance to love Tony and be with him…he could just picture it. Holiday dinners, birthdays, and Sunday breakfasts, and a whole lifetime of support and togetherness. Maybe May might find someone herself, and Ned and MJ would always welcome in his home, and he wanted to the opportunity to try. He was only 17, but all he’d ever wanted was family, and for all the shitty luck life had dealt him in that arena, maybe finding Tony so young was the universe throwing him a bone. How perfect would it be to get started on the rest of his forever now? All May had to do was say yes, and even if she didn’t…Peter didn’t know if it would make a difference. He loved Tony.</p>
<p>He communicated as much as he could of his jumbled thoughts to May.</p>
<p>“You’re so young,” May said. “How are you so sure?”</p>
<p>“One of the things Tony taught me was that things don’t have to be perfect all the time, and sometimes things will go wrong. You know, maybe it won’t work out. I don’t know,” Peter admitted, “but I finally have the courage to try, and I know if things go wrong, I’ll be able to handle it.”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to say no,” May started. “You’ve given me a lot to think about, and I just need some time.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded.</p>
<p>“You’re about to move out, anyways, and it’s not like I’d kick you out,” May added, “but—”</p>
<p>“I know, May. It’s okay.”</p>
<p>“I’m not mad at you, either. It’s Tony I should be talking to. If it would even do any good.”</p>
<p>Peter frowned. He wondered if Tony would be scared away by May. It made him nervous to feel so sure of Tony, also. He was waxing poetic about starting a family and having a lifetime to be together, but there were so many reasons that might not happen. Tony could get bored of him, find someone more experienced, find someone better looking, or any of a thousand different things. Peter hoped that wouldn’t happen, that he wouldn’t do anything that would cause Tony to leave him. He wasn’t lying about knowing that he could handle it, but he still didn’t want it to happen.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Did you tell her the news?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes. *sigh*</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That bad, huh? Should I be expecting sirens?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No, she’s not mad. Sorry. I didn’t mean to<br/> make it sound bad. She’s “thinking about it”<br/>  now, but she’s not super angry, or anything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Good. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re brave, you know. If it was me, I probably<br/>would’ve just hid it from her until it blew up in<br/>my face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah, I guess I’m honest. <br/>A glowing example of the perfect nephew.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Obviously.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll keep you updated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I have a feeling she’s going to want to see you<br/>and talk it out. I’m really sorry it’s annoying.<br/>If you don’t want to go through the trouble, I <br/>understand, and I wouldn’t be upset if you<br/>changed your mind.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Keep me updated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t plan on changing my mind.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter walked to Iron Fitness on Tuesday morning feeling torn between euphoria and misery. May was still thinking things over, and he was tired of waiting. He understood that she needed time, but at the same time, he didn’t see what the big deal was. It wasn’t like he and Tony were eloping, or like he’d gotten someone pregnant, or like he’d gotten involved in drugs—all things May had repeatedly warned him about. All that was going on was that he was in a relationship with someone older than him. Tony had proven he was trustworthy over and over again. What more did she want?</p>
<p>His mood improved throughout the day since Tony called him a few times and texted him when he wasn’t busy.</p>
<p>He didn’t like being upset and having it impact his work, so he tried his best to be upbeat for the customers and for his coworkers. It was still a relief when Karen came in to take over for the afternoon shift.</p>
<p>“Hey, Karen. How’s it going?”</p>
<p>“I have some good news,” Karen replied.</p>
<p>“Really? What’s up?” Peter perked up at that. He wanted to hear what had Karen even more smiley than she usually was. It had to be good.</p>
<p>“Okay, so you know how when we were talking about Tony before you asked me if I liked anyone?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and you said that British guy.”</p>
<p>“Right, well yesterday on the bus back home…you’ll never guess who was on it.”</p>
<p>“No way!” Peter said. “He was on the trip with us the whole time?”</p>
<p>“That’s the thing,” Karen continued, “he’s Tony’s assistant, and he was only there to drop off a car, and then he rode back with us since had no way to get back…”</p>
<p>Peter furrowed his brows while he thought about it. “Jarvis, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Karen sighed happily.</p>
<p>“So, what are the details? Did you sit together? Obviously you did because you found out the inside scoop…”</p>
<p>Karen launched into a longwinded explanation about Jarvis and how sweet he was, and how he’d asked if he could sit with her, and then she’d explained how happy she was that Peter had gotten her a spot on the trip because without him none of it would have happened. Peter was quick to say that none of it would have happened with Tony, and then she asked how things were between them.</p>
<p>Peter wanted to explain his stress with May and unload his worries, but Karen was always there for him, and he didn’t want to drag down her happy mood with stress, so he just told her that she was right—he and Tony had talked it out and everything was perfect.</p>
<p>“Ugh, Peter. I’m so happy for us,” Karen said. “Both of us found someone in the same week. How cool is that? You know, maybe one day we could go on a double date.”</p>
<p>“That would be so amazing,” Peter agreed. “Seriously awesome.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony had promised Peter that he would take him out on a real date once they got back to the city, but when they returned, it was already a Monday night, and Tony was due to head to the second leg of the retreat on Friday morning. That gave them a window of three days, and Peter didn’t know how long May’s deliberation would last. It had already taken away the option for a Tuesday date.</p>
<p>When Peter got home from his shift, he was thrilled that May was ready to talk until she suggested that before anything further happened between him and Tony, they should have a dinner together. All three of them.</p>
<p>Peter stood his ground</p>
<p>“May, I haven’t even been out on a real date with Tony, yet. I don’t want my first one to be here, in the apartment, with you. No offense, but come on.”</p>
<p>May narrowed her eyes. “Peter, I’m already going way out on a limb here. Meet me half way.”</p>
<p>“I promise. We can have him over for dinner next week, or you can invite him for breakfast for all I care, but I want to go out just the two of us. I mean, I barely even know how to act around him when we’re alone I’m so,” Peter sighed in exasperation before continuing, “nervous, and this is all so new to me,” he finished. “Please, May. I promise one he gets back from this retreat, he’ll come over.”</p>
<p>“So he’s not hiding from me, then?” May raised her eyebrows.</p>
<p>“No,” Peter confirmed. “He completely understands why you want to like, vet him or whatever, and he was willing to come in yesterday and talk to you. I was the one who told him not to.”</p>
<p>“And,” Peter added, “I’m not okay with having my first date supervised.”</p>
<p>“That’s bold,” May scoffed. “I’m not okay with my teenage nephew dating an adult, but hey, I guess—”</p>
<p>“You guess what?” Peter interrupted.</p>
<p>“I guess I can understand, but I mean it, Peter. He’s coming over here, and we’re gonna have a nice long chat about some ground rules, and a curfew, or believe me, I will unleash my wrath.”</p>
<p>“Honestly. I completely get it.” Peter held his hands up in surrender. “I know this whole thing is a lot to ask, and I promise, and so does Tony, that rules will be followed. Curfew, or no sleepovers, or whatever it is. I just, May, I want this more than anything, and it’s like I told you, it’s Tony. He’s a good person.”</p>
<p>“I believe you, but still. It makes me feel better to be included, and it’s easy to brush it off because you’re about to be 18, but I don’t care how old you are. As long as I’m around, I’m looking after you, and whether it was a girl your own age, or a boy, or whoever, I’d have rules. It’s not personal against Tony. I’m just—”</p>
<p>“Protective.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” May agreed. “Protective, and you’re growing up, moving out, going off to college…it’s not like I’m going to be keeping you under lock and key for the rest of your life, and I can’t control what you do when you go, but until then…it’s due diligence, Peter. I have to do something, and if that’s one dinner where I can get to know Tony a little better, then that’s what I’m going to do.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, May,” Peter said softly. “For everything.” He walked forward to envelope May in a hug. “You’re the best.”</p>
<p>May wrapped her arms around Peter. “You’re damn right I am.”</p>
<p>After a moment, she added, “I love you, Peter. Forever.”</p>
<p>“I know. I love you, too,” Peter replied, squeezing her even tighter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>What are you doing tomorrow at 5?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I talked to May…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dinner at your apartment, then?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nope.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I told her I wanted to have a chance to go out<br/>with you alone first. You know, before we do<br/>the awkward family dinner thing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re the best.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So where am I taking you?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I can get reservations to a nice Italian place I know.<br/></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Do you like Italian?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That sounds perfect, but actually I was<br/>thinking of something a little different.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Such as…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I love the idea of a fancy place, but I’m already<br/>so nervous because it’s my first date. Our first<br/>date, and I think it would be easier for me if we<br/>go to like a regular place, something that feels<br/>more casual? If you don’t want to I completely<br/>understand, but I just wanted to let you know.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>As long as it’s a date with you, I’m down for<br/>anything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What is it?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re killing me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Burger King…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If you hate it please tell me, because we can<br/>go where you said.<br/><br/><br/></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That sounds like the most exquisite idea<br/>I’ve ever heard. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I know I’m fancy you don’t have to tell me. ;)</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll pick you up tomorrow after work?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Please and thank you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I know it’s lame, but I’m so excited!!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You and I are going to have a long talk about<br/>how forthcoming you suddenly are. Because<br/>you were holding out on me big time, Parker.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So were you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>True, so I guess it’s a good time to tell you I’m<br/>excited too?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>:)</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We’re both lame.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony walked into the gym a few minutes before Peter was about to clock out. Peter couldn’t resist getting up from his chair and walking around to the front of the desk, so he could greet Tony properly.</p>
<p>He was embarrassed to be so forward and paused awkwardly before wrapping his arms around Tony.</p>
<p>Tony just chuckled and returned the hug with a whispered, “Good to see you.”</p>
<p>“Same,” Peter replied. He pulled away quickly when he heard Bucky approaching.</p>
<p>Tony inclined his head.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Peter whispered. “I wasn’t sure if you were okay with people here knowing.” His cheeks flamed, but he was trying to be honest since Tony had said he wanted to hear everything. Tony was open when they were alone or texting, and he’d been forthcoming before Pepper and Harley at the retreat, but the compound had felt like it was another world. Maybe things were different back in the city.</p>
<p>Tony’s expression was unreadable, but he grabbed Peter’s hand just as Bucky came to stand in front of them.</p>
<p>“What’s—” Bucky’s eyes flickered down to Peter and Tony’s linked hands.</p>
<p>“Peter and I have some news,” Tony announced.</p>
<p>“Fucking finally,” Bucky groaned. “Oh my God.”</p>
<p>Peter and Tony exchanged incredulous glances in response to Bucky’s words.</p>
<p>His cheeks were already warm, but his heart joined them. His entire body felt tingly as he reeled from being publicly claimed. Were his coworkers going to be mad now that he was with the boss? He supposed it didn’t matter. Karen had said she didn’t think they would be upset, and even if they were it would be worth it.</p>
<p>“I’m telling everybody,” Bucky announced. “Don’t even worry about it.”</p>
<p>“I just gotta change my shirt and get my stuff,” Peter explained, squeezing Tony’s hand before letting go of it.</p>
<p>“Hurry back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Bucky groaned again. “You’re gonna be worse than me and Steve. I’m going to need a barf bag on me at all times.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be jealous,” Tony teased.</p>
<p>“Just remember to invite me to the wedding, and I want compensation for fixing you two up in the first place.”</p>
<p>“I’m not even going to answer that.”</p>
<p>“Think about it.” Bucky waggled his eyebrows before relaxing his face. “Seriously, though. I’m happy for you guys.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Tony rolled his eyes, but the smile that followed was genuine. He was happy too.</p>
<p>Peter returned just as Bucky went back to whatever he wasn’t doing.</p>
<p>“Ready?” Peter asked.</p>
<p>Tony felt like he needed to give his head a shake. Peter smiling up at him expectantly like he’d never been more excited to do anything in his life was the most endearing thing Tony had ever experienced. To think that Peter thought he wouldn’t want to tell everyone he came into contact with that they were together? Ridiculous.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bucky said he was happy for us, by the way.” Tony put his arm around Peter as they left the gym.</p>
<p>“Oh, good,” Peter replied. “I’m sorry about pulling away. I wasn’t like, embarrassed or something. I just didn’t know if you were okay with people knowing here. You know, like Rhodey, Pepper and Harley know, but maybe you wanted to wait before telling anyone else. Sorry,” Peter repeated. “I don’t know the proper procedure, or protocol to dating, so I’m pretty much just following your lead.”</p>
<p>“I’ve never had a successful relationship, so your lead is probably as good as mine, if not better.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Peter said. “Well so far, I’ve only told May and Karen. Harley technically guessed.”</p>
<p>“Not your friends?”</p>
<p>Peter ducked his head. “I didn’t want to jinx anything. You know. I wouldn’t want to tell Ned and MJ and then something happen…find out you changed your mind, or whatever, but I think that was me being in my head again, and I can tell by your expression that, yes, it was, so. I will tell them. Probably this weekend.”</p>
<p>“Much better.” Tony winked. “Beautiful self-regulation.”</p>
<p>Tony couldn’t help but glance at Peter in the passenger seat while they drove to the restaurant. It wasn’t quite the same as the drive back from the retreat, but the same charged energy was still present. He thought about what a good sign it was that he’d almost asked Peter to Burger King as an almost-date for his birthday, and now they were going there on a real first date per Peter’s request.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get whatever you want,” Tony insisted while they approached the cashier. “Anything.”</p>
<p>“I’m serious, Peter,” Tony eyed him. “I’ll be able to tell if you don’t.”</p>
<p>It was in Tony’s nature to comment on everything, but he didn’t want to draw attention to how relaxed Peter was and how happy that made him to see. He didn’t want Peter to retreat inward, but he was so proud. For how nervous Peter kept claiming to be, he didn’t seem very nervous at all.</p>
<p>Tony noticed that Peter didn’t even take his phone out to record his calories, and if his bouncing energy was any indication, it was because he was too excited about the date to worry. Unless he’d recorded them before, but either way, Tony was happy to have the boy’s full attention. There was nothing he hated more than trying to talk to someone while they were on their phone.</p>
<p>“For someone who’s never been on a date before, gotta say, you’re nailing it.”</p>
<p>Peter blushed.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?” Tony asked after Peter was quiet for too long.</p>
<p>“Nothing, I’m just really happy,” Peter admitted. “What about you?”</p>
<p>“I’m thinking how this date doesn’t really feel any different than anything else we’ve done.”</p>
<p>“Right?” Peter asked. “I didn’t want to say anything.”</p>
<p>Tony was relieved Peter didn’t take it the wrong way. Peter had suggested a casual date because he was nervous and thought it would be easier, and it had turned out he was correct. Still, Tony couldn’t imagine that it would’ve been awkward at the Italian restaurant, either. </p>
<p>“Yeah, it feels like it’s always felt when we’re together,” Peter explained. “Not like that’s a bad thing, you know. I don’t mean like I’m not, um, attracted to you…You know what I mean? It’s totally good. I’m not really that nervous, and it just feels so normal. I feel like anything we do would be the same.”</p>
<p>Tony smiled. “Easy as breathing.”</p>
<p>“Exactly,” Peter agreed. “The only difference is now we can admit it, and you know, kiss.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded in agreement. He and Peter were barely a week in, and he already felt more at home with him than anybody else he’d ever been with.</p>
<p>Tony made it to his dessert before Peter had even touched his burger. He watched while Peter meticulously ate all of his fries before moving on. Peter had done that at Chili’s too. It wasn’t a strange habit, but he was curious about it. He’d been in the fitness business long enough, and had enough intelligence not to question someone’s eating habits, though. The most harmless of comments could totally fuck someone up, so he returned to his milkshake and minded his own business.</p>
<p>“I’m a fast eater,” Tony commented, putting the attention on himself. “Hope you don’t mind if I start on dessert.”</p>
<p>“Nope. How much you eat is the least of my concerns,” Peter said.</p>
<p>Tony finished half of his milkshake before his stomach started to protest. He set it aside.</p>
<p>“So—”</p>
<p>“How—”</p>
<p>Peter smiled and continued. “How was work, today?”</p>
<p>“Busy,” Tony answered. “We’re making sure everything’s ready to go for this weekend.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded and started on his own milkshake.</p>
<p>“How was work for you?”</p>
<p>Peter raised his eyebrows. “It was good. Bucky was Bucky as you saw… Other than that, I had a lot of time to kill, so I updated some spreadsheets for Carol and figured out that since I started working reception, platinum memberships are up 7%, and I reprogrammed a few of the computers because they were running ridiculously slow, and I’ll probably get to the rest of them this week, and I met that guy Rocket when he came in to do some maintenance. He’s totally insane.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “I think reception is way below your paygrade…unfortunately I don’t have any other positions available at this time.”</p>
<p>Peter looked surprised. “Oh, that’s okay. I like it. Talking to everybody that comes in is great. Most of them are super nice, and you know, there’s this scary guy, Frank, who comes in every couple days, and I got him to grunt at me once. He glares at everyone else.”</p>
<p>Peter set aside his milkshake casually. “You done with yours?”</p>
<p>“Hmm? Oh yeah,” Tony said. “I’m stuffed.”</p>
<p>“Same.” Peter gathered all the wrappers and trash on the trays and took them to the garbage.</p>
<p>Tony hadn’t had any doubts of what a polite customer Peter was, but it was nice to see in action. Of course, Peter would clean the table. Tony was sort of glad that the eating part of the date was over because even though Peter wasn’t showing it, he imagined there was some lingering concern. He didn’t want Peter to have to think about it, but then he realized he was the one thinking about it.</p>
<p>“Anyway, enough about work and how much of an overachiever you are,” Tony teased. “When’s May cutting us off?”</p>
<p>“9,” Peter replied.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s lots of time,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>“Wanna watch a movie?”</p>
<p>“Like at your place, or the theatre?”</p>
<p>Tony shrugged. “You pick.”</p>
<p>“The theatre,” Peter replied quickly. “I love going to the movies.”</p>
<p>Tony grinned. “A guy who knows what he wants.”</p>
<p>Peter blushed. “Yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter insisted on paying for the movie tickets, and Tony allowed it, but the idea still made him feel odd. Like he was already taking advantage of Peter and then making him pay on top of it all. He was going to make it up somehow.</p>
<p>Tony felt better once he and Peter were in the darkness of the theatre. They were able to score top center seats since it was a Wednesday and the movie they’d selected had been out for a few weeks.</p>
<p>Tony had had enough of keeping his affections to himself, so he didn’t bother pretending like he didn’t want to hold Peter’s hand. He grabbed it without hesitation.</p>
<p>“Thank God,” Peter said.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Now I don’t have to think about working up the courage to do it myself,” Peter admitted.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “You already hugged me today and we’re on a date. How does this take more courage than that?”</p>
<p>“Because. Holding hands his more intimate than hugging,” Peter defended. “Plus, the theatre is like…dark and romantic. Trust me, this is way scarier.”</p>
<p>“We’ve shared a bed.” Tony scrunched his face. “And made out, and we held hands in the car.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Peter admitted. “I don’t know how to explain it…it’s like, that was the heat of the moment, but this is in cold blood. Like, it’s not leading up to anything or coming down from anything…it’s just holding hands?”</p>
<p>“Just accept it,” Peter added.</p>
<p>“Fine. I concede.” Tony smiled. He brought up their linked hands to his mouth and kissed Peter’s hand. He thought he could understand what Peter was getting at. Gosh, Peter really was the best. Tony was thankful for the privilege of hearing the inner workings of Peter’s complicated mind. He perceived everything differently, and his outlook was so unique, and Tony wondered if he’d be able to keep up. He was terrified to jeopardize anything, but at the same time, he thought that if he could do his best to communicate openly and make sure Peter felt secure, there would be no risk of him fucking everything up.</p>
<p>Peter shook his head like he usually did after a kiss. Apparently, even kisses on the hand made him dizzy. “Maybe we should’ve gone back to your place...”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m thinking the same thing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony barely registered the movie playing since he was too focused on Peter’s hand in his. Peter, however, looked completely enraptured by the movie. Tony was content to watch Peter enjoying the action on the screen. As far as he could tell it had something to do with kids on vacation in Venice. Could’ve been a horror film or a period piece for all he knew.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony felt the disappointment he’d expected when he pulled up in front of Peter’s apartment building to drop him off. It never got easier to end a night with his favourite person.</p>
<p>“I’ll walk you up,” Tony offered. Not only did he want to prolong his time with Peter, but now that they were together, he wanted to observe proper dating etiquette, and not to mention, he needed some brownie points with May, and didn’t want to look like he was hiding.</p>
<p>“Are you—okay,” Peter allowed. “May will like that. That’s a good idea.”</p>
<p>Tony winked.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter kept fumbling while he tried to unlock the door. He kept reminding himself that Tony coming inside the apartment was under a lot better circumstances than the previous time when he had injured his ankle. He was on edge about what May would say, though. May seemed somewhat supportive and accepting, but maybe tolerant was a better word. She had begun to trust Tony more and had extended an olive branch to him by inviting him to the graduation, but Peter didn’t know if any of her positive feelings from before remained now that they were in a romantic relationship. Inviting Tony to dinner seemed like a good sign, but he guessed they’d just have to see.</p>
<p>“Hey, May. I’m home,” Peter called. “Tony’s here, too.”</p>
<p>May came out of the kitchen where she had apparently been stress baking.</p>
<p>“Oh,” she managed. “Hi, Tony.”</p>
<p>“Hi. How are you?”</p>
<p>Peter had never felt so awkward in his life, but it was like that saying about the bandaid. He just needed to rip it off. The sooner May got used to Tony not only being in his life, but being with him, the better it would be for everyone.</p>
<p>“Fine,” May replied. “How was the date?”</p>
<p>Peter almost laughed when he saw how guilty Tony looked. He decided to take over.</p>
<p>“It was great,” Peter said. “We went to Burger King and the movies.” He punctuated his sentence by grabbing Tony’s hand. He watched as May’s eyes tracked the movement.</p>
<p>Peter glanced at Tony nervously. He had meant what he’d said to Tony about being okay if he changed his mind. Peter hoped that Tony would stick around, but if he didn’t want to put up with being put through the ringer by a protective aunt, then he could understand.</p>
<p>“Did you ask Tony about coming to dinner?”</p>
<p>“Um, not yet,” Peter admitted. “I don’t know if this week will work because he’s busy, but—”</p>
<p>“I’ll make time,” Tony cut in. “How’s tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“Perfect.” May nodded. “At 6.”</p>
<p>Peter smiled at Tony before asking May, “What are you making?”</p>
<p>“I can pick something up,” Tony volunteered.</p>
<p>“That’s fine, but I already have it all planned.” May waved.</p>
<p>“Okayyy,” Peter hinted. “So we’ll see you tomorrow.” He wasn’t happy about letting Tony go, but it was easier since he knew he’d get to see him again the next day.</p>
<p>Peter walked them over to the door while May returned to the kitchen.</p>
<p>There was nothing much else to be exchanged except thank you's and goodbyes, and a goodnight kiss. Then Peter was counting the seconds until he could see Tony again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bucky hadn’t been kidding about telling everybody the news. When Peter got to work in the morning, everyone had something to say. Steve offered him a cheerful congratulations, but made a point of asking how old he was. He followed up the question with an invitation to talk to him if he ever had trouble and a reminder of the group circle he was organizing. Peter had tried to be appreciative of the gesture instead of bristling, but it was annoying after a while since everyone gave the same offer.</p>
<p>On the whole, everyone was happy for him and Tony. Sam made his half-sarcastic half-serious comments about favoritism and how Peter better not be promoted to manager because he wasn’t being bossed around by a 17 year old. Natasha looked smug and didn’t offer any advice, and Nebula didn’t look like she gave a shit besides taking a moment to call both him and Tony idiots. Val offered him a stiff punch in the arm, and Bucky teased him all day. It wasn’t so bad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Since Peter wasn’t worried about May keeping him and Tony apart, or worried that Tony was going to change his mind—well, he wasn’t worried <em>as much—</em>and since everything was going to plan, he wanted to let Ned and MJ in on the good news. Tony’s closest friends knew, May knew, and it was time his best friends knew too. He took it to the group chat and was happy with the response. He had expected a good response, but it was nice to actually receive it. He sort of wished he hadn’t waited so long, but he felt better about telling them now that he had more of his shit together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>MJ: I knew something was up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>MJ: You were way too quiet all weekend.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ned: Omg, Peter. I’m so happy for you. When are we hanging out?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>MJ: Ya, dude. We’re due for another chill session. I want to hear all the details.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ned: Wait, you’re still moving in with us right?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ned: Bc we’re still looking for places with 3 bedrooms</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>MJ: You can’t move in with Tony!!! We’re living together idc.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t worry, I’m still living with you guys.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony and I have only been on one date so far.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Relax.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>MJ: Good. That would’ve been super lame</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ned: ^^^</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ned: So? When are we hanging out?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I was thinking this weekend, but we’re having<br/>my birthday sleepover in a couple weeks anyway.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>MJ: So, we’ll have two sleepovers then</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ned: Yes! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Awesome. :)</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You guys are the best.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>MJ: Duh</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ned: Thanks. You’re the best too. :)</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony picked Peter up from work on Thursday, and it was difficult to conceal how happy the gesture made him. He imagined that he could go another twenty years of getting picked up from Tony, and it would still excite him. Something about knowing that the only reason Tony was walking through the door was him warmed his heart. Sure, he owned the place, but that was besides the point.</p>
<p>“You walk in like you own the place or something,” Peter teased.</p>
<p>Tony grinned. “Can’t imagine why.”</p>
<p>“Can I help you with something?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tony replied. “Tell Peter his Uber’s here.”</p>
<p>“Stop,” Peter complained. “I already feel guilty enough about all your wasted gas.”</p>
<p>“You know what I have to say to that?”</p>
<p>“What?” Peter eyed the man carefully.</p>
<p>“Don’t.”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t I think of that?” Peter asked.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged. “You got other things on your mind I guess. Like how the hell are we gonna get through this dinner?”</p>
<p>Peter’s expression softened. “Together.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter could tell that Tony was nervous while they rode the elevator up to the apartment, but only because he was starting to notice his tells. He was fidgeting with his wrist.</p>
<p>“Stop,” Peter said, pulling Tony’s hand away. “It’s gonna be fine.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, what if it’s not?”</p>
<p>“Then I’ll talk to her. I’m moving out for school in a month anyway…”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but moving out doesn’t mean her opinion doesn’t matter. You want her in your life.”</p>
<p>“Trust me, I know. May and I are all each other has…we wouldn’t stop being family just because I love you. She just needs some time. I swear.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned but nodded. “Give me a boost before we go in there.”</p>
<p>“A boost? Like what?”</p>
<p>Tony pulled Peter in for a quick kiss which Peter returned without question.</p>
<p>“Much better,” Tony said. “Oh, and call me big shot again. Just once. I promise I won’t ask again.”</p>
<p>Peter giggled. “I’ll call you big shot all you want because it’s true.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I help you with anything?” Peter offered May as soon as they had all greeted one another.</p>
<p>“You and Tony can set the table,” May directed.</p>
<p>“Absolutely.” Tony jumped into action.</p>
<p>Peter gave Tony a tentative smile and showed him where the plates were.</p>
<p>“What are you making?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>“A turkey meatloaf.” May went on to explain that she’d gotten the recipe from Pinterest.</p>
<p>“Wow,” Tony commented. “Honestly I don’t know what to say.”</p>
<p>“Peter mentioned you were experimenting with veganism,” Tony added. “If you’re still doing that, please, don’t feel like you have to make meat on my account.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I don’t,” May said. “No, it’s not that. I gave it a good run, and I’m mostly vegetarian now, anyway. Vegan substitutes can get pricey, not that meat is really any cheaper, but when you’re shopping for what’s on sale, you can’t really be too picky.”</p>
<p>Peter grimaced. He didn’t want all Tony knew about his and May’s life to be that they weren’t exactly raking in the dough. It made them sound like they needed charity, and she’d already mentioned that Chili’s was fine dining to them. Peter knew he had a habit of bringing up money around Tony too, but it was only because he was uncomfortable about it, and needed to make jokes to make it seem like he didn’t take it too seriously. Maybe May was where he’d picked up that habit from. He wondered if May was testing Tony to see if he’d offer to throw more money around. Whether he did or didn’t, Peter wasn’t sure what the right answer would be.</p>
<p>Tony surprised him by saying nothing about the cost of food. “Doing what you can where you can is all that matters. I try not to eat too much meat either, or gluten, but that’s another story.”</p>
<p>May nodded. “Right.”</p>
<p>“So can I do anything to help with the meal?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>“No, that’s fine. Thank you. I guess Peter can give you the tour while everything’s cooking.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’d love that,” Tony said. “How about it, Pete? Do me the honours.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Peter winced. “I didn’t exactly clean my room.”</p>
<p>“Peter,” May chastised.</p>
<p>“What? I work now,” Peter defended. “And why make my bed when I’m just going to sleep in it again? It doesn’t make any sense.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed. “Quit stalling. I’m not going to make fun of you if you have action figures lining the walls or posters of the Bieber Brothers, or whoever.”</p>
<p>“Okay, first of all, there’s no such thing as the Bieber Brothers, and I know you know that, and second of all, do LEGOs count as action figures? That’s a trick question.”</p>
<p>May snorted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So this is the living room.” Peter gestured to the couch and the TV. “You’ve seen this before.”</p>
<p>“Exquisite,” Tony commented. “A couch…perfect for relaxing and viewing films. The atmosphere of the room is quite, mm, how do you say, inviting.”</p>
<p>Peter rolled his eyes at Tony’s silly impression of an interior designer. “The bathroom’s down the hall. It’s pretty standard. A shower-bathtub combo, not like your shower imported from 2050.”</p>
<p>“Tragic.” Tony shook his head solemnly.</p>
<p>Peter nudged him and took him to the door of May’s room without going in.</p>
<p>“That’s pretty much it,” Peter said. “End of tour.”</p>
<p>“No way. I’m seeing your room.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“What’s the problem? It’s just a room. If you really don’t want to show me that’s fine, but at least tell me why.”</p>
<p>“Because…you already think I’m too young for you, and I really do have LEGOs around. I don’t want you to think I’m just a stupid kid who plays with toys…”</p>
<p>Tony sighed. “You’re allowed to act your age.”</p>
<p>Peter shrugged.</p>
<p>“Come on, show me one of your creations.”</p>
<p>Peter opened the door to his room and let Tony in. “There’s the Death Star…Ned and I did that a few months ago. We take turns on who gets to keep it.”</p>
<p>Tony smiled. “Where’s the box?”</p>
<p>Peter looked around for a few seconds before he spotted it in the corner. “Here.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. See?” Tony asked, pointing at the box. “Right here. It says ‘ages 4-99’. That means that you have approximately 82 years left to build. I wouldn’t worry about it.”</p>
<p>Peter huffed. “You don’t think it makes me weird?”</p>
<p>“Do you like doing it? Are you hurting anybody?”</p>
<p>“Just my dignity.” Peter answered, and then, “No.”</p>
<p>“Then what do I care? I have toys too. They just need to be parked in a garage.”</p>
<p>“Ugh. Why are you so cool?” Peter wondered. “I don’t get it. You take everything and just make it better. It’s like I can’t even worry about anything. I don’t know how you do it.”</p>
<p>“I’m a master of seduction,” Tony replied. “Self-taught, in case you were wondering.”</p>
<p>Peter rolled his eyes and held his hand out for the box, so he could put it back.</p>
<p>Tony caught his arm and pulled him in for a hug. “I know age is touchy for us, but I don’t want you because you’re young or despite you being young, or anything. I love you and you just happen to be young. Does that make sense? So don’t worry so much about how you look to me.”</p>
<p>“Okay?”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Peter allowed. “I love you too.”</p>
<p>“Excellent, now show me the rest of your room. Starting with the underwear drawer.”</p>
<p>“Oh my God! Tony!” Peter gasped.</p>
<p>“I’m kidding. Mostly,” Tony said. “Just wanted to see what you’d say.”</p>
<p>“Um, how about no way?”</p>
<p>Tony laughed meanwhile Peter was blushing furiously. It wasn’t like he had anything more than the typical teenage-boy plaid boxers in the dresser, but still. It was the principle. Tony was a complete menace.</p>
<p>“Anyway,” Peter changed the subject. “There’s nothing much to it. That’s the computer I built, that’s my guitar, my closet, and—”</p>
<p>“Wait, you built a computer?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Such a brainiac,” Tony commented.</p>
<p>Peter shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a self-taught master of seduction too. I can build and program your computer…doesn’t it turn you on?”</p>
<p>“What do you think?” Tony hinted.</p>
<p>“I—”</p>
<p>“Dinner’s ready!” May called.</p>
<p>Tony pouted. “Damn. Do we really have to go and eat meatloaf instead of make out on your messy bed?”</p>
<p>Peter stuck out his tongue. “Yes, because making her happy is the fast track to more time spent together which means more making out.”</p>
<p>“Fuck, you really are a little genius.”</p>
<p>Peter practically fled the room after that, actually grateful that May had called for them. Hearing Tony speak knowing full well it was flirting, and knowing full well the man was attracted to him and wanted to sleep with him was overwhelming. It was a huge turn on, and he had found himself wanting to go toe to toe with the flirting, but he hadn’t actually considered how amazing it would feel to see Tony respond so enthusiastically. He thought he would’ve been embarrassing and maybe Tony would’ve teased him about asking if his computer skills turned him on. Nope, apparently Tony had a kink for intelligence. Peter couldn’t wait until the next time they were alone...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think that went well,” Peter said after he had walked Tony to the door at the end of the evening.</p>
<p>“That was going well? She looked like she wanted to kill me.”</p>
<p>“No, she likes you,” Peter insisted. “I promise. It’s just a lot for her.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>Peter nodded, glad that Tony was handling it well. He’d always suspected that his age was more of a problem than a turn-on to Tony, and having to deal with Aunt May’s fretting was proof.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry it’s like this.” Peter frowned. “I wish I was older, so it wouldn’t be so hard.”</p>
<p>“I wish I was younger,” Tony replied.</p>
<p>“I don’t. I like you the way you are,” Peter insisted.</p>
<p>Tony groaned. “Stop being so perfect. I can’t keep up.” He leaned forward to rest his head on Peter’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“I’m serious about what I said, though, Tony,” Peter began. “If you don’t want to go through the trouble, and you want to back out…the sooner you tell me the better.”</p>
<p>“Please stop saying that.” Tony pulled away to look Peter in the eye. “I’ll come over here every day of the week if that’s what it takes. I don’t care about being in the hot seat if it means I get you. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Peter sighed. “I still don’t know why, but I guess I can understand it since that’s how I feel.”</p>
<p>“Glad we’re on the same page.” Tony kissed Peter on the cheek. “Until next time, Pete.”</p>
<p>“Goodnight,” Peter said. “Thank you everything…for today.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Tony replied. “I loved your room by the way.”</p>
<p>Peter blushed. “Thanks. Um, I know you’re going to be busy this weekend, but will I hear from you?”</p>
<p>“Every day. I promise,” Tony assured. “Feel free to call me too. I'll always pick up for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter went to the kitchen to talk with May after Tony had left and he’d gathered himself, but she was standing in the doorway already.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Peter said in surprise, although he wasn’t that surprised. Of course she had been spying.</p>
<p>May sighed. “Peter, I need to talk to you.”</p>
<p>“Come on—” Peter gestured wildly. “I thought you were coming around.”</p>
<p>“I was promised sit-ups, push-ups, a carwash, and what was it, oh yeah, laundry for a month. I’ve come to collect,” May said.</p>
<p>“What—oh my God,” Peter scoffed. “You can’t be serious.”</p>
<p>“I’m dead serious, Peter. You can start with whichever one you want, but you’re doing it all.”</p>
<p>Peter had never been happier to lose a bet.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Maturation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The week leading up to and the weekend of Peter's 18th birthday.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone. Welcome to another chapter. Thank you for sticking around for the rest of the story even though the slow burn is technically over, and it's established relationship from here on out. I hope that you're still enjoying it, and that I haven't unknowingly botched anything plot or character-wise. I hope the quality has been consistent and that the story continues to be engaging and helpful. I truly appreciate all the feedback I've received since the beginning, and for the surge of happy comments on chapter 31 when Tony and Peter finally got together. I still plan on finishing this story before June is over, so we're on schedule! </p><p>Much love to everybody. I hope you're all doing well despite 2020 fuckery. xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter, MJ, and Ned were long overdue for a hangout since it had been three weeks since they last saw one another in person. Peter was excited to see his friends in general, but he was also eager to share his news about Tony in-person. After all, he’d had the pleasure of hearing and reading all about Ned and MJ’s developments with their girlfriends—whether it involved Ned and Betty moving from PG to PG-13 or the latest debate MJ and Liz had had. Now it was finally Peter’s turn to share. It felt good to have something more in common with his friends since it could be lonely being the only single one.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, you’re still alive!” MJ exclaimed when Peter opened the door to let her in. “I thought May would’ve zapped your ass by now.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “Nope, I’m still kicking.”</p><p>MJ shook her head. “My dad would kill me if I started dating a senior citizen.”</p><p>“May really said, ‘no offense Mr. Jones, but I’m different’,” Peter joked.</p><p>“Psh. Whatever man, Tony's still old.” MJ waved. “When’s Ned coming?”</p><p>“He’s on his way over from Betty’s,” Peter explained. “They’ve been pretty hot and heavy ever since the grad party. I think it awoke something in him.”</p><p>“Nice.” MJ nodded her head in appreciation. “I knew he had it in him.”</p><p>“What about you?” MJ added. “You and Mr. Man get it on yet?”</p><p>Peter blushed, but he didn’t act as scandalized as he normally did. “I’m working up to it. It’s only been a week, you know.”</p><p>“I can respect that,” MJ agreed. “I mean, I’d be holding off too if I had to get it up the a—”</p><p>Peter was saved from having to hear the rest of MJ’s words when May came to say hi.</p><p>“Hi, MJ!” May gushed. “How are you?”</p><p>“Oh, you know, just telling this one how lucky he is that you’re so cool.” MJ put an arm around Peter’s shoulders.</p><p>May nodded. “I try my best.”</p><p>Peter gave her an impish smile. He knew he was lucky that May was willing to accept Tony, but at the same time, the man had been in his life for five months and had given off zero bad vibes, so he also felt like her concerns shouldn’t have been that great. The only things that Peter could even accept May finding questionable about Tony were his age—which he knew Tony felt guilty about—and how he’d kept his ownership of the gym a secret. However, the more Peter got to know Tony and himself, the more the whole ordeal made sense; Tony hated when people only saw him for his wealth, so it made sense that he wanted to establish a rapport with somebody without money or status being a factor.</p><p>Peter still had doubts about Tony’s generosity even now that they were a couple—whether he deserved it, whether he was giving enough in return, and whether Tony secretly resented him for accepting gifts—so of course Tony hadn’t wanted to reveal something that would make him feel even more insecure when they were just getting to know each other. Even when Tony went about things the wrong way, his intentions were always good, and to Peter, that was enough. He knew it would take some time for May to accept Tony fully, but he was confident it would happen.</p><p> </p><p>When Ned arrived, the first thing out of his mouth was, “Peter, what do you want for your birthday?”</p><p>“Yeah, Peter,” MJ echoed. She had a suggestive glint in her eye. “You’re turning into a legal adult…What <em>do </em>you want?”</p><p>“Oh, that’s like two weeks away. You don’t have to worry about it,” Peter explained.</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ned argued. “If I order something offline I need advanced notice so it gets here in time.”</p><p>“Honestly, guys, don’t worry about getting me anything. Just come hang out with me like usual.”</p><p>“Well, what’s Tony getting you?" Ned asked.</p><p>“I don’t know. I think he’s gearing up to buy me a car, or something. He’s been hinting a lot.”</p><p>“A car?” MJ scoffed. “What do you need with a car?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ned said, “you can’t really drive.”</p><p>Peter frowned but didn’t argue since it was true.</p><p>Ned spoke again. “Dude, you are so lucky Tony’s rich. If I had a sugar daddy like that, oh my God, I don’t even know what I’d buy. Like…ten trucks of LEGOs.”</p><p>“He’s not my sugar daddy,” Peter argued. “He’s generous. It’s different, and besides, I don’t want—well, I mean, I want the gifts, but I don’t want the gifts.”</p><p>“What? Why not? If a rich white man was going to be buying me gifts?” MJ said suggestively. “I’d collect.”</p><p>“Exactly,” Ned agreed. “Especially because Tony’s cool and doesn’t expect anything from you.”</p><p>“Wait, he doesn’t expect anything from you, right?” MJ wondered.</p><p>Peter laughed. “I bought dinner for us once, and Tony fought me over it. I don’t think he likes me paying even though he also says he doesn’t like when people use him for money? It’s super confusing, actually.”</p><p>MJ raised her eyebrows. “Maybe he doesn’t want you to pay in money.”</p><p>“What? Like sex stuff?” Ned asked. “No, no way. Tony wouldn’t do that.”</p><p>“Exactly. I’m not saying he doesn’t want to, um, do things,” Peter cleared his throat, “but he’s definitely willing to wait. I don’t know for how long…but for now at least.”</p><p>“Good,” MJ said, “because I’d have to knock his block off.”</p><p>“Or we could get Liz’s dad to do it,” Ned suggested. “He’s scary af.”</p><p>“I don’t think I’ve met him,” Peter said. “I bet Tony could take him, though.”</p><p>“Here we go.” MJ rolled her eyes. “Gag me.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s mind was at ease when Tony was gone for the second leg of the retreat not only because of the chill weekend he had with Ned and MJ, but also because the man kept his promise. They talked on the phone every day, and even if Tony couldn’t be on the phone for long, the things he said while he had time were enough to make Peter relax about being apart.</p><p>He also had another heart to heart with May, and she admitted that she trusted him and could see how happy Tony made him. She explained that she had been worried that his progress depended completely on whether Tony was in his life or not, and that she didn’t want to see him go into that dark place again if anything went wrong.</p><p>Peter’s answer to that was Tony had helped him to build his foundations, but he’d learned enough to keep going with his journey on his own. He had a larger support system than ever which included his friends at the gym, and a support group with his coworkers and other gym members. Additionally, he felt more secure to reach out to the people who had always been in his life, and he told May that that included not only MJ and Ned, but her. He knew how to ask for help and knew how to self-regulate. He was still working on it, but he was always moving forward. He knew that no matter what happened, he would survive.</p><p>May reiterated that she liked Tony and of course she had seen the relationship coming, but her only qualm was that it happened sooner than she thought it would, and that the big reveal had come after a four day vacation where they could’ve been up to anything…</p><p>Peter promised that he wouldn’t let anything get in the way of school, and that just because he was with Tony didn’t mean he was going to neglect all of his other relationships and responsibilities. It had been the right thing to say because May had gotten teary eyed and said how proud she was. Of course, Peter had gotten teary eyed then, too, and they had hugged it out for so long that they lost count of the minutes.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Tony returned from the compound on Monday evening, his first stop was May and Peter’s apartment. He picked dinner up on the way and they all sat together around the coffee table on the living room floor watching a movie while they ate. Peter leaned into Tony’s side after a while. He’d missed him and didn’t care that he was being overtly affectionate.</p><p>At the end of the night, May sent Tony off with a plastic container of her walnut-date loaf, and Peter took it as a sign that she was over the initial shock of him and Tony being in a relationship. It helped that he’d kept his word about the bet and done a ton of laundry over the weekend.</p><p>Peter walked Tony down to the parking garage to prolong their time together.</p><p>“I’m supposed to be the one walking you to the door, so to speak,” Tony said. “If you walk me down here, then I have to walk you back up.”</p><p>“And then I’ll walk you down again,” Peter said, “and it will be a never-ending cycle of who’s a bigger gentleman.”</p><p>“Obviously it’s me,” Tony replied. “You can be a gentleman in a couple weeks when you turn 18.”</p><p>“Okay, I said who’s a <em>bigger</em> gentleman, and it was a clear set up for you to say me,” Peter sighed. “A missed opportunity if I ever saw one.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “I hate those jokes. You know that.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. “Fine. I’ll stop making fat jokes about myself if you stop joking about firing people.”</p><p>“Oo.” Tony winced. “That’s going to be tough…let me think. Okay, I decided.”</p><p>“What’s it gonna be?” Peter teased.</p><p>“You’re out of a job…as a teller of fat jokes,” Tony replied. “Easiest choice I ever made. Done.”</p><p>Peter grinned. “Thanks for coming over.”</p><p>“Thanks for having me.”</p><p>“Thanks for letting me have you.”</p><p>“Thanks for letting me let you have me.”</p><p>“Can we kiss now?” Peter rocked forward on his tippy toes. “I walked all the way down here. I should get something for my trouble.”</p><p>“You’re absolutely right,” Tony agreed. He set the container May had given him on the roof of his car and pulled Peter in.</p><p>Peter was eager. He’d gotten a taste for making out and going without Tony for an entire weekend just wouldn’t do.</p><p>Before Tony could even open his mouth, Peter was pushing his tongue past the man’s lips, not even caring if he lacked finesse. He licked over Tony’s teeth and didn’t give him a chance to catch up before circling Tony’s tongue with his own. He didn’t mind not having Tony kiss back because all he wanted was to taste what he’d been missing. He pulled his mouth away and caught Tony’s plump bottom lip with his teeth like the man had done to him their first night together. He’d always been a quick learner.</p><p>“Jesus Christ,” Tony breathed. “Where did that come from?”</p><p>“I missed you.”</p><p>Tony cupped Peter’s face and brought their mouths together again, resuming their kiss more carefully before he took control and backed Peter against the car. Then he really dove in, making sure he gave Peter back everything he’d given.</p><p>“You think you missed me?” Tony asked directly beside Peter’s ear.</p><p>“Mhmm,” Peter squeaked.</p><p>“I missed you more.”</p><p>Peter didn’t argue and let Tony drag his lips across his jawline. When Tony got back to his mouth, Peter was weak in the knees and felt himself leaning so heavily against Tony’s car he thought he might meld with it.</p><p>“You’re irresistible, Pete,” Tony commented, finally letting off so Peter could gather himself.</p><p>Peter could barely speak let alone sling some witty comment back at Tony.</p><p>Tony clinked his teeth together a few times while he took in the sight of Peter. “I really want to make a mess of you,” Tony admitted.</p><p>Peter nodded vaguely. He could see it in Tony’s face, but as much as he loved kissing and as hard as Tony got him, he didn’t think he could go quite that far, and certainly not in a parking garage.</p><p>“I know,” Tony continued. “I know we’re not there yet. You don’t have to say anything.”</p><p>Peter nodded again, grateful that Tony was on the same page.</p><p>“Okay,” Tony said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you back up because I totally will.”</p><p>Peter laughed and shook his head. “It’s okay, but if I stay down here much longer, May’s gonna come looking.”</p><p>“Cat's probably out of the bag anyway,” Tony said. “You definitely look like you’ve been making out.”</p><p>“Really?” Peter asked. He turned around to check himself out in the car’s side mirror. “Shit.” His lips were puffy, and his skin was pink where Tony’s beard had rubbed against his skin. Plus, his eyes had a glazed look about them.</p><p>“You said you wanted to make a mess of me, not that you already did,” Peter accused.</p><p>“I take full responsibility,” Tony said.</p><p>“That doesn’t do me any good.”</p><p>“Sorry?” Tony tried with a smirk.</p><p>“Nothing to be sorry for,” Peter offered. “I like it.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>“You don’t think we’re moving too fast, do you?” Peter wondered, suddenly self-conscious about how forward he’d been. “It’s only been a week, and Ned and Betty took months before they started doing stuff like this.”</p><p>“Do I look like Ned or Betty?” Tony asked.</p><p>“No.” Peter shook his head. “You’re…distinguished.”</p><p>“Actually,” Peter decided to go for it. “No point in beating around the bush. You’re hot. Sorry, I know you don’t like people who are after you for your looks,” Peter grimaced, “but it is true, and I can’t pretend it’s not.”</p><p>“Don’t sweat it. It was a rhetorical question anyway.” Tony waved. “But since you brought it up, feel free to call me hot as much as you want. Doesn’t offend me.”</p><p>“It doesn’t?”</p><p>“Are you after me or are you with me?”</p><p>“With you.”</p><p>“There you go.” Tony shrugged.</p><p>Peter nodded, reassured.</p><p>“Do <em>you </em>think we’re moving too fast?” Tony asked. “Because you say the word, and we’ll dial it back down to zero, maybe one, if you don’t mind, since I do like a little hand holding.”</p><p>Peter blushed. “No…I kind of wish we could be moving even faster. Maybe.”</p><p>“We got all the time in the world, Pete. Don’t worry about it, and by don’t worry about it, I mean stop thinking about it right now.”</p><p>Peter nodded again. “Okay. I’ll try, but I really gotta go now.”</p><p>“Ugh,” Tony complained. “Until next time, baby.”</p><p>“Ahh,” Peter groaned. “You don’t play fair.”</p><p>“What’d I say?” Tony asked with the cheekiest expression. “Oh, I see. You like that name, don’t you?”</p><p>Peter was about to give in and let Tony keep kissing him, but his phone buzzed in his pocket, and he knew if he wanted to see the man again in the near future, he had to go back up to May. He dodged Tony’s advance and jogged away a few metres. “Next time,” he echoed.</p><p>Tony grinned and blew him a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter was nervous to get back into the gym when he and Tony resumed their Friday routine because it was their first time working out as a couple, and he wasn’t sure if anything was going to feel different.</p><p>He hadn’t worked that day since he’d picked up most of his hours on the previous Sunday and Monday while covering for Friday while it was her turn on the retreat. Tony insisted on picking him up even thought it was out of his way, and although Peter didn’t like being an inconvenience, he did like the idea of walking into the gym together.</p><p>Karen greeted them with the biggest smile, and Tony went ahead to the locker room while Peter stayed at the desk to chat with her about any developments with Jarvis.</p><p>Natasha was the trainer on the floor during their session and didn’t hesitate to say, “Hey, lovebirds,” when she saw them.</p><p>Peter smiled and ducked his head while he waited for Tony to make a sarcastic remark, but all the man said was, “Hey, yourself.”</p><p>Like Peter had admitted to Tony during their first date, being together felt no different than being friends. Of course, the veil that had been between them was gone, so exchanging compliments and discussing feelings was becoming a common occurrence. Kissing was another perk of an upgraded relationship status, although Peter was a little shy to do it in public.</p><p>He also discovered that Tony had been holding back on his flirting too. Peter had always had a hard time identifying flirting, but it was much easier to tell now since Tony was ruthless with terms of endearment, compliments, and sexual innuendos. To be fair, the dirty jokes had always been a part of their banter, so Peter didn’t feel shocked or intimidated by it, but he perceived the jokes differently now that he knew sex was on the table and not just a hypothetical.</p><p>He and Tony had gotten fairly liberal with their making out, and Peter wanted to take the next steps. Definitely nothing as advanced as anal, especially since even thinking the word made his face red, but maybe some sort of through-the-clothing touching.</p><p>Peter was intimidated by the idea of Tony seeing him naked, though. As much as Tony assured him his weight was no concern, and as much as he’d progressed with his self-confidence, and even though he’d lost over twenty-five pounds, it was still a mental block for him. He was working on tearing it down, but it was difficult. He had never been shirtless in front of Tony, not even to swim, so he wanted to master that step before even thinking about revealing anything below the belt. The worst part was that he wanted to, if  his dick was anything to interpret things by. He got off to thoughts of Tony and felt comfortable holding his hand and kissing him, but it was all a work in progress.</p><p>When he’d first started having feelings for Tony, he’d considered it safe because he never thought he’d have to worry about what he’d do if he actually got him. He’d fantasized about Tony as if he was a distant celebrity, and now his brain had a lot of catching up to do. It was like how May had seen their developing relationship and had still been surprised about the reveal. She needed time to acclimate, and, for both similar and different reasons, so did Peter.</p><p> </p><p>After the workout was over, Tony drove them around for a bit before taking Peter back home.</p><p>“Thanks for coming to exercise with me,” Peter offered. His hand was linked with Tony’s near the gearshift. He had grabbed it without even asking and couldn’t help but feel a little proud of his bravery.</p><p>“You don’t have to thank me for spending time with you,” Tony replied. “You never had to.”</p><p>“Yeah, but,” Peter shrugged, “now we’re going out. A lot of people change when they start dating. I’ve seen it all the time, even in movies. As soon as you get together, you stop doing the things that brought you closer to begin with and like, you start staying in and watching TV, or you stop spending so much time together because you’re already together, so what’s the point. Like you don’t have anything left to work for.”</p><p>Tony chuckled. “Are you sure you’re not middle-aged, because you kind of sound like you are.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. “I give it like a few weeks, and then all of a sudden our Fridays are going to be gone, and then next thing you know, I’ll be in school, and you’ll be busy expanding your company, and then we’ll see each other like once a year.”</p><p>“Peter, seriously,” Tony said. “Be reasonable. I know I can fit you in twice a year at least.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Sorry, I’m doing it again.”</p><p>Tony squeezed Peter’s hand. “People who get complacent in their relationships, or bored, or tired of them, whatever you want to say. It happens, and sometimes it’s nobody’s fault, but a lot of the time it’s because people only started doing things they weren’t really interested in in the hopes of finding someone.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Right, so fitness is my career, more or less, and you joined the gym, I think, not to bag a man.”</p><p>“Right,” Peter agreed. “That wasn’t on my mind at all.”</p><p>“So, we have more reasons to go to the gym than just each other even though it is a bonus to be dating your workout partner…If our goals ever change, we’ll pick up a new thing.”</p><p>“We are both going to be really busy, though,” Peter added.</p><p>“I’ve been busy for the past twenty years,” Tony huffed. “I’ll always make time for you.”</p><p>Peter knew it was true since Tony had been making time for him since the beginning. Even when they barely knew each other, Tony had accommodated him.</p><p>“And look how busy you were with all your nerdy high school endeavours,” Tony threw him a wink, “you always made time for me.”</p><p>“Yeah, that is true.”</p><p>“There you go, then. As long as we want to be, we’ll be golden.”</p><p>“But—”</p><p>“Peter. I love spending time with you. End of story. I don’t really care what we’re doing.”</p><p>“Okay. Thank you,” Peter breathed. “Me too.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The Friday before Peter’s birthday was a long day for him. He worked the day shift at Iron Fitness, and then he and Tony exercised afterward. It was one of Peter’s most successful sessions. He was advancing with his Wing Chun and was able to land a couple hits on Tony. The added affection of working out with Tony as a boyfriend made exercising all the more enjoyable. At one point, Tony got him on the ground and used his opportunity to plant a sloppy kiss on Peter’s cheek. Of course, Sam had walked into the studio and complained about not getting paid enough to see that kind of shit.</p><p>Peter invited Tony to come eat dinner with him and his friends at least, even if he wasn’t going to be joining the sleepover festivities, but he had politely declined because it was a friend thing, and they would have their chance tomorrow evening. Tony was finally getting his way, and they would be dining at the fancy Italian restaurant. Peter appreciated Tony’s wish not to impose on his friend party, but he would still miss him.</p><p>Peter was eager to spend time with MJ and Ned for his birthday. It was tradition that all three of them would convene on each of their birthdays and have a sleepover. Because of when Ned and MJ’s birthdays fell in the calendar year, Peter’s was right in the middle, but it was still the first birthday celebration within the group where he would be on a diet. He was nervous because besides the birthday cake they all baked together, they usually ordered pizza or Chinese food, went to town on snacks, and had a huge pancake breakfast the morning after. He was scared he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the party as much this time if he was counting calories. He wanted to celebrate but didn’t know how to find the balance between going to town on all the food and being miserable that he couldn’t have anything.</p><p>The added worry came with the fact that he was Tony’s boyfriend now. His weight didn’t just affect him anymore, and he had to consider how Tony would see him, as well as how long the man was willing to wait for physical intimacy. Peter had been somewhere around 215 when he’d admitted his feelings to Tony, and now he was a few pounds less. He was terrified of any number above 215 because it felt like some sort of cap for how much he could weigh and still keep Tony.</p><p>He felt like if he went back up, he would be a failure anyway, but on top of that, now he had Tony to lose. It wasn’t just about his dignity anymore. And it was in the back of his mind that if he didn’t keep losing and achieve his goal weight that Tony would decide he was undisciplined and not worth it. He set the mental barrier in his mind of not wanting Tony to even see him naked until he weighed under 200, and if he went overboard with his birthday celebrations, that would take him further away from his goal and further away from giving Tony what they both wanted.</p><p>And on top of it all, the beginning of the school year was quickly approaching, and he, Ned, and MJ still needed to work out the apartment situation. If he was left to his own devices at college, what if he didn’t have enough time to work out anymore and gained? Or what if he went to a few too many college parties and drank his calories to the point of putting himself out of a deficit? Or what if he didn’t have time to cook or shop for healthy options to keep on hand, and he resorted to takeout? What if Tony kept taking him out to fancy restaurants, assuring him that he could get whatever he wanted? Peter had no idea what to do. He was terrified of everything, but still holding onto hope that he could do it and manage the stress.</p><p>He tried to tell himself that no matter what, Tony wasn’t going to abandon him, but it was hard to know that for sure since he’d really only known the man for five months. They’d been dating for way less, and Tony always said and did nice things, but people were always on their best behaviour in the beginnings of relationships. As much as he knew it was the dark part of his brain talking, trying to sabotage him and make him think Tony was going to leave him, he couldn’t shut it up.</p><p>He didn’t know how to proceed, and he wanted to ask for help or advice, but also he felt like he wanted to decide on his own. He was part of his support system too, and he wanted to be able to depend on himself in trying times. The best he could do was let time tell what would come of him and Tony and try not to dwell on or ruin things before he even had a chance to succeed with his fitness journey and his relationship.</p><p>Peter wanted to make the executive decision to just say fuck it because it was his birthday—his 18<sup>th</sup> birthday which was a pretty big deal—but another part of him wasn’t sure if he could trust that desire. Would he be able to get back on track the next day? Even taking his date with Tony into consideration, he knew it wasn’t a write-off, and he was still exercising regularly. If he let loose for a weekend, would that bleed into the rest of the days of summer? Peter deliberated over all of it while he waited for Ned and MJ to show up.</p><p>He felt fear and apprehension when he made the decision to throw caution to the wind and give himself permission to eat whatever he wanted for the evening, but it also felt relaxing to have made a decision. It was like giving himself the freedom to go ham on all of the delicious selections made him more comfortable. He didn’t have to watch in envy while MJ demolished a bag of chips because if he wanted to have his own, he could. If Ned had another slice of pizza, he didn’t have to stuff himself with another as well just because it looked good and he wanted his share. He still went over his calories and ate more than one slice of birthday cake, and it did make him feel uneasy, but it also felt rewarding to be in control by giving up control.</p><p>
  
</p><p>When Peter asked everyone what they felt like doing, Ned suggested that they do another puzzle since that’s what they’d done the year before.</p><p>Before anyone agreed, Ned materialized a puzzle from his backpack and set it on the coffee table with a hopeful smile. It was a thousand pieces that would form the Hogwarts castle when completed.</p><p>“Dude, let’s see if we can finish it by tonight,” Peter suggested.</p><p>MJ nodded. “Agreed. No sleeping until this bad boy is complete.”</p><p>Ned beamed. “You guys start sorting by colour, and I’ll work on edge pieces.”</p><p>“Can I help?” May asked.</p><p>“Absolutely. We’ll need all the help we can get.”</p><p>They worked on it for six hours, but it was worth the sore backs and tired eyes for the satisfaction of having achieved their goal. Peter even had a new picture to add to his file since May had taken one of him, MJ, and Ned when they’d finished. Afterward, Peter encouraged her to get in the photo since she’d helped.</p><p>Peter took the opportunity added the new photo to his progress album and took the opportunity to view the pictures already in the file. He wasn’t sure how to feel when he looked back on the old one of him and his friends from the year before. More than how different his weight made him look, he noticed how miserable he looked in the first photo. Even though he’d been having fun with his friends, there was nothing but misery and discomfort behind his wincing smile.</p><p>In the new photo, his smile was genuine, he was sitting up straighter, and he didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. Everything about him seemed more alive, and it was hard to look at because it brought into perspective everything that Tony had been trying to teach him about how losing weight wasn’t what fixed how he felt. His commitment to strengthening his friendships, to building confidence through socializing and achieving goals, and to improving the relationship he had with himself was the most important thing, and a lower weight was a side effect of it all.</p><p>He was overweight and miserable in the photo, but he was surrounded by the same people, and he was essentially the same person. Not much had changed except his perspective. Everyone who’d been there when he was 240 pounds was still there at 210, and he was still there, becoming his own friend instead of his enemy. Someone that would be there for him just as much as Ned, MJ, May, and Tony would. He didn’t see himself as a slob, but as a person who had needed some help.</p><p>He still needed help, and he still had his worries and insecurities. Like with anything there were good days and bad days. Sometimes he could make out with Tony and feel close to giving in and taking the next step. Other times he didn’t even feel like he could hold Tony’s hand without being overwhelmed. With his fitness journey, sometimes it felt like second nature and he felt proud of his accomplishments, and other days he considered if all the hard work was worth it and felt like he hadn’t made enough progress. They key was that he was now having more good days than bad.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Before Tony came to pick him up for their date on Saturday afternoon, he had MJ and Ned do him a solid and help him pick out a nice outfit to wear. Tony had made reservations to the Italian place he’d initially wanted to go for their first date, and Peter wanted to look just right.</p><p>He didn’t want to wear a suit, mainly because he didn’t have one, and also because it seemed like overkill—the restaurant was fancy, but probably didn’t necessitate a tuxedo.  He ended up settling on the same look he’d gone with for Steve’s birthday, except instead of grey jeans, he opted for a dressier pair of grey slacks MJ had discovered them balled up in the back of his closet. He hadn’t even wanted to try them since they hadn’t fit for a couple of years, but his friends had insisted they would be fine. After some work with the steamer, May had them wrinkle-free, and Ned helped him decide between wearing a cardigan or going with no second layer.</p><p>With the group effort, Peter was ready and excited albeit nervous. He’d spent hours with Tony before and had eaten in front of him, too, but it was exactly what he’d been afraid of when he’d opted for Burger King. Would he fit in at some fancy place? Would the bill come to some outrageous total that Peter felt guilty accepting? And what would they be doing after? Peter sort of wanted to go back to Tony’s place, but he didn’t want to give himself any ideas, and it would be a tease since the no sleepovers rule was in effect.</p><p>He was 18, and completely fair game in the eyes of the law, and he knew Tony didn’t have ulterior motives, but it was embarrassing to think that May would be aware of where he was and who he was with. She’d given him the curfew of midnight again, and Peter wished he could just sleep at Tony’s and be done with it. He was an adult, but unfortunately, 18 wasn’t a magic number when it came to Aunt May, and when you lived under someone’s roof and respected the relationship you had with them, you would respect their rules too. Peter refrained from pointing out that sleeping over at Tony’s wasn’t going to lead to some wild orgy. Sex didn’t just happen in beds after the sun set—if people really wanted to get it on, they could do it anywhere anytime, but whatever.</p><p>Ned and MJ insisted on waiting at the apartment until Tony arrived, and Peter made sure that as soon as the man’s car pulled up, he was downstairs. He could’ve died when his friends whooped at him from the balcony as he made his way to Tony.</p><p>Tony got out of the car and waved in the general of direction of the rambunctious teenagers before focusing on Peter.</p><p>“Wow,” Tony mused. “Don’t you look spiffy.”</p><p>“It’s nothing. They helped.” Peter gestured to his friends.</p><p>“Maybe I should thank them. You look amazing.”</p><p>Peter ducked his head.</p><p>“Happy Birthday, by the way,” Tony added.</p><p>“Thank you.” Tony had already texted him to say so, but it was the first time he was hearing it in person.</p><p>“You’re welcome, Mr. Parker.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are we doing after?” Peter blurted once he got into the car.</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “Uh, hadn’t actually got that far yet. I was going to ask you what you wanted to do since you’re the birthday boy.”</p><p>“Okay, well can I think about it? I kind of just want to get through the dinner first.”</p><p>“Should I ask why you want to <em>get through </em>the dinner? If you’re not comf—”</p><p>“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Peter insisted. “Sorry. I want to go, and I’ve been looking forward to this. Honestly. I’m just nervous, and I went over my calories yesterday, and it’s got me a little bit on edge.”</p><p>“Oh,” Tony remarked. “Okay, well why don’t we follow up dinner with bowling?”</p><p>“Bowling?”</p><p>“It’s a date and exercise in one. Not to mention I know of a place where we can get in for free…”</p><p>“Bowling,” Peter repeated. “That sounds amazing. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.”</p><p>“Can’t win ‘em all. Sometimes you have to let me be the smart one.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “It’s probably best we do something in public anyway.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tony asked, playful expression evident on his face.</p><p>“We tend to get carried away with each other,” Peter admitted, “and I don’t want to be like a tease or something.”</p><p>“First of all, there you go again being the smart one. Your self control is honestly astounding and impressive. Second of all, you can tease me as long as you like. I’ll take anything I can get as long as you’re the one giving it.”</p><p>Peter shook his head. “You say that now, but when we bowl, will you be able to take the loss I’m inevitably going to give you?”</p><p>Tony scoffed. “Oh please. You think you can beat me at bowling? Keep dreaming, Pete. I love you, but no.”</p><p>“What makes you think you’re so good?” Peter challenged.</p><p>“I’ve played a game or two in my day.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s fair, but where you have experience, I have innate skill and talent. We’ll see who comes out on top.”</p><p>“Who comes out on top, huh? Is making dirty jokes another innate talent of yours, or do you just get lucky.”</p><p>“Get lucky?” Peter asked with a smirk.</p><p>“The best luck I’ve ever had was walking in on you and Bucky five months ago.”</p><p>“Did you say best when you meant worst?”</p><p>Peter quickly said he was just kidding before Tony could chastise him for being self-deprecating.</p><p>“One day, we’re gonna beat that habit,” Tony said.</p><p>“I’ll stop if you stop.”</p><p>“Damn, you got me there.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When they arrived at the restaurant, Peter had second thoughts about his outfit, but after handing off the car to the valet, Tony grabbed his hand and told him again how great he looked. Peter took the man’s word for it.</p><p>They were seated at a table for two complete with a lit candle, and the whole setup made Peter feel like giggling. It was so cheesy and romantic, but also perfect.</p><p>“Burger King one day and Carbone the next,” Peter sighed. “Get you a man who can do both.”</p><p>Tony’s eyes lit up. “Variety is good for the soul.”</p><p>“You’re good for the soul,” Peter retorted.</p><p>Tony’s response was interrupted when a waiter came to provide them with menus. He poured them glasses of water and asked if they would be purchasing a bottle of wine to start, or if they would prefer to be recommended a bottle after selecting their entrees.</p><p>“Thank you, sir, but I’m not old enough to drink,” Peter replied.</p><p>“Of course,” the man raised an eyebrow and turned to Tony. “For you, sir?”</p><p>“We’ll take your best red now,” Tony replied. “It’s his birthday.”</p><p>Peter laughed while the waiter scuttled away.</p><p>“What the hell, right?” Tony said. “Even if we can’t drink it, it’ll look nice on the table.”</p><p>“Maybe I can sneak a sip,” Peter said.</p><p>“I reckon you could. The Italians aren’t as…reserved when it comes to wine. I think they lace baby bottles with it.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter tried to keep his expression neutral while he perused the menu that offered no price or calorie values and boasted no value section. It was like gambling. He smiled to himself when he considered how strange rich people were and how bored they must be with being financially comfortable that they actually had to add stress back into their lives by using mystery menus.</p><p>“Anything look good to you?” Tony wondered.</p><p>“Maybe one of the pasta dishes,” Peter replied. “Or maybe this pasta dish with a different sauce.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “I thought like you liked Italian.”</p><p>“I do. I’m just teasing you.”</p><p>“There’s that word again.”</p><p>Peter blushed.</p><p>“You know, I can cut the dirty jokes if you don’t—”</p><p>“Tony, stop.” Peter reached his hand across the table and placed it over Tony’s. “We always joked like this, and I don’t plan on stopping being hilarious any time soon, so just relax. And, I’m having a good time, and the restaurant is great. Seriously.”</p><p>Tony nodded, and Peter was glad to see that his reassurance had done its job. Apparently he wasn’t the only nervous one.</p><p>“How did things go with your friends, by the way?”</p><p>Peter smiled. “It was great. Like I said, we went a bit overboard with the food, but it’s all good. I’m gonna go to the gym tomorrow, and—”</p><p>“You know you don’t have to exercise for punishment for having a good day, right?” Tony interrupted.</p><p>“I was going to say…that I’m going to the gym tomorrow for the support group Steve set up.”</p><p>“Oh.” Tony leaned back in his chair. “Carry on, then.”</p><p>Peter continued, “And I might work out too, but not as a punishment.”</p><p>“Okay.” Tony held his hands up. “You know I had to say it, though. You can’t stop being hilarious any more than I can stop being wise.”</p><p>Peter grinned. “Other than that, we finally found an apartment we’re thinking of putting an offer on.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Nice place?”</p><p>“Well, we think so,” Peter began, “but I was going to ask you if I could take you up on your offer. Like, if it’s no trouble, would you mind coming with me to check it out and tell me if it’s a good deal, or a good location. I don’t know, if you don’t want to, that’s cool.”</p><p>“Absolutely you can take me up on my offer,” Tony insisted. “In fact, I encourage it.”</p><p>“Okay, awesome. Thank you.” Peter smiled. “Especially because we’re going to be there for like, at least four years, and that’s if we all just do undergrads. Who knows if we’ll go for master’s, or, well, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. It’s just important, is all I’m trying to say.”</p><p>“I’d check it out even if you were staying there for a week.” Tony shrugged. “Have to make myself useful somehow.”</p><p>Peter eyed him for the useful comment before suggesting they went to check out the apartment sometime during the week.</p><p>“The sooner the better,” Tony said. “If it’s a dump, we’ll need time to make a backup plan.”</p><p>“Thank you, Tony.”</p><p>“Of course. Anything for my best guy.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter was in a fantastic mood leaving the restaurant with Tony at his side. Not only had dinner been fantastic, but so had the wine. The waiter had poured a glass for Tony which he’d surreptitiously slid in Peter’s direction after taking a sip himself. It was only supposed to have been a sip, but Peter had enjoyed it so much that he’d drunk the entire glass. He stopped after that, but he was such a lightweight when it came to alcohol that his entire body buzzed from one glass even on a full stomach.</p><p>“Still up for bowling?” Tony asked.</p><p>“Mmm,” Peter hummed. “Yup.”</p><p>“I didn’t forget your present, just so you know,” Tony added. “I’m giving it to you at the end of the night.”</p><p>Peter giggled. “Giving it to me?”</p><p>Tony huffed.</p><p>“S’okay, Tony. You already took me out, that’s good enough.”</p><p>“Good enough isn’t good enough.”</p><p>“Agree to disagree.”</p><p>“I do have an important question for you, though,” Tony changed the subject.</p><p>“What?” Peter sat up straighter at the implication of a serious question.</p><p>“Are you ready to get your ass handed to you at the alley?”</p><p>“Oh my God,” Peter complained. “This again. I already told you, you’re going down.”</p><p>“I—”</p><p>“Nope, not even going to let you make the joke.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “And I think another appropriate question is if you’re mentally prepared to see Scott again.”</p><p>“Scott? Oh. Scott. Yeah,”</p><p>“Let’s just hope Quill isn’t there too,” Tony mused. “He didn’t take too well to being shown up on the old six string.”</p><p>Peter put two and two together that Quill was Peter 2. “Oh, Peter 2.”</p><p>“Peter 2? Gotta say, I like that nickname a lot better than the one I’ve been using.</p><p>“Wade thought of it.”</p><p>“Never mind.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “Who else works there besides Peter and Scott?”</p><p>“Gamora and Drax, I think, would be the only ones you know. Everyone else was on the second trip.”</p><p>“Cool,” Peter said. “We’ll have an audience when I destroy you.”</p><p>“You are a wolf in sheep’s clothing,” Tony accused. “All innocent with those eyes and sweet face…but it’s all a ruse.”</p><p>“If I’m a wolf in sheep’s clothing, what does that make you?” Peter asked.</p><p>“An amazingly talented bowler.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “I was going for a sheep in wolf’s clothing…you look intimidating, but at heart you’re a total softie.”</p><p>“I’m…going to allow that.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Out of four games, Tony won two, and Peter won two. Peter was insistent on a fifth game to break the tie, but it was closing in his curfew, and he felt good that both he and Tony would be ending the night as winners. He made sure to take a photo of each screen at the end of the game, and he’d also snuck a few photos of Tony bowling while the man wasn’t looking. He’d known the man for nearly half a year and hadn’t had any pictures of him which didn’t sit right with him. He needed one for a photo background, and one to look at when he felt like he was imagining the entire relationship.</p><p>“I saw that,” Tony said.</p><p>Peter almost threw his phone across the room to get rid of the evidence, but Tony just laughed. “If you’re snapping shots of me, I want one with the both of us.”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter hesitated. “Um, okay. If you want.” Even a month before, he probably would have put up more of a fight than that, but his revelation with his own photo from the night before made him think that maybe pictures weren’t the enemy he thought they were.</p><p>Tony brought out his phone and aimed it at Peter until he blushed and smiled, and that’s when he took it. “Perfect.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “I thought we were taking one together.”</p><p>“On it,” Tony assured. “Just testing the camera…”</p><p>“Right.” Peter rolled his eyes.</p><p>Tony took one on his phone, and Peter asked him to send it to him.</p><p>When the text came through, Peter bit his lip to keep from grinning like an idiot. His first picture with Tony, and he didn’t look half bad. Of course, Tony looked like the model he always did, but that was to be expected.</p><p>“I like it,” Peter admitted.</p><p>Tony nodded his agreement. “I guess it’s time for your gift now.”</p><p>“Oh, okay. As long as you promise it’s not something ridiculous like a car.”</p><p>Tony’s face dropped.</p><p>Peter panicked, thinking Tony was genuinely upset, but then he smiled and rolled his eyes. “Calm down, Pete. It’s not a car.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“It’s in the car, though.”</p><p>“I can live with that.”</p><p>Peter knew not to expect a card since Tony had said he didn’t do cards, so it wasn’t disappointing not to get one, but he hoped that one day he might. It would be extra special since it was a rarity.</p><p>Tony pulled a small package from the glovebox, and when Peter opened it, he decided not getting a card wasn’t so bad. Tony had gotten him a gold cuff bracelet engraved with <em>Happy 18<sup>th</sup> Birthday, Love Tony </em>on the side of the metal that rested against his wrist.</p><p>Peter put the bracelet on and threw his arms around Tony. It was better than a card because he’d be able to walk around with it every day. Every time he doubted himself, all he’d have to do was look at the bracelet and remember Tony was on his side. It would have been a useful gift to have the day before when he’d been going to pieces about birthday cake and weighing less than 215.</p><p>“You like it?” Tony asked.</p><p>“I love it,” Peter corrected. It was simple and small and personal, and everything he wanted. He hoped Tony hadn’t pulled a fast one on him and bought something that looked inexpensive but was actually super expensive, but he decided he was better off not knowing, and he didn’t ask.</p><p>They stayed like that in the parking lot of the bowling alley for a while. Just hugging. Tony kissed Peter on the neck once, but they didn’t take it any further.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Communication</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter and Tony discuss living arrangements, college, and intimacy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter told his friends his idea of having Tony vet the apartment they were considering renting since he was more of an expert, and they were more than happy to hand the reins over if it meant not getting ripped off or being forced to live in undesirable conditions. It was getting down to the wire, and the landlord was expecting a response as soon as possible since other renters had procrastinated too, and properties were hot before the school year started. Especially locations near college campuses and in Brooklyn in general.</p><p> </p><p>“Is 2500 dollars a month a good price for this place?” Peter wondered while he walked around the unit with Tony.</p><p>“Honestly, it’s not bad,” Tony replied. “It’s a walk-up which sucks, but everything seems to be in order, and the landlord doesn’t look overly skeevy.”</p><p>“Just the normal amount of skeevy.”</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>“Okay, so should I tell Ned and MJ we’re good to go?”</p><p>“I—” Tony chewed his lip. “Can I show you another place?”</p><p>“Is it in our budget?”</p><p>“Yes,” Tony replied. “It’s a little closer to the college too.”</p><p>“Sure,” Peter agreed, “but this is literally the last thing available that’s close. We searched for hours.”</p><p>“This one isn’t advertised.”</p><p>“Tony.” Peter narrowed his eyes suspiciously.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Does the apartment in question happen to belong to you?”</p><p>“If you want to be technical, the building does, and if you say yes, the apartment itself will be all yours.”</p><p>“I’ve seen where you live,” Peter argued. “There’s no way a place you own is going to be in the price range of three broke kids.”</p><p>“That’s simply not true,” Tony disagreed. “Remember what I told you about the gym memberships? There’s something for everyone. I own buildings that don’t have penthouses.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Okay, I mean…I just don’t want to waste your time, or actually, see some amazing place that I have to turn down. It’s a total tease.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “I promise. Nobody’s time’s being wasted. Let’s go.”</p><p>Peter knew Tony was up to something when they walked into a well-lit lobby that had actual artwork on the walls and a lounge area, and a working elevator with security cameras.</p><p>“Tony,” Peter said again.</p><p>“Give it a chance.”</p><p>Peter loved the apartment, and he knew his friends would too. It had a great view, a huge kitchen, classy light fixtures, and hardwood floors. He also knew that apartments that looked like that belonged in magazines and cost nearly 5000 dollars a month at the lowest.</p><p>“There’s no way we could afford this. It’s way too fancy.”</p><p>“Everybody can afford free.”</p><p>“You—” Peter tried. “You are not letting me and my friends stay in an apartment for free, and especially not this one. That’s crazy.”</p><p>“Is it?”</p><p>“You’ll be losing money.”</p><p>“I’m not paying anything extra for anything. I already own it. It’s a unit that needs to be filled, and I have three people who can fill it.”</p><p>“What about the utilities?”</p><p>Tony shrugged.</p><p>“I can’t accept it. It’s too much.”</p><p>“But you need it,” Tony insisted.</p><p>‘I know, but it’s like I told you. I don’t have anything to give back to you, and it’s not fair.”</p><p>“But—”</p><p>“Tony, I appreciate it more than I can even explain, but think about it from my point of view. You already pay me for work. You let me come on a trip that costs thousands of dollars. You always drive, and you’ve been driving to the gym for months. If you provide my apartment too?” Peter shook his head. “I refuse to take more.”</p><p>“Look at it this way,” Tony countered. “Paying you for work isn’t a favour, and as for the retreat, I pay for hundreds of people go, and I always drove that much even when I wasn’t going to Queens, all right, maybe not <em>as </em>much, but still.”</p><p>“Okay, but that’s not even mentioning all the other stuff you do for me like jumping through hoops for May, and giving me advice, and constantly reassuring me when I’m being insecure.”</p><p>“Giving you advice and giving May peace of mind costs me nothing.”</p><p>“You don’t like when people use you for your money,” Peter added. “It feels wrong to take from you when I know that. I—”</p><p>“Don’t even worry about taking advantage of me or my money,” Tony countered. “You get to play by different rules. I know the kind of person you are. I know you’d never do that, and I want you to take from me. Do you have any idea how happy I was when you even asked me to come look at your other place?”</p><p>Peter shook his head.</p><p>“All I ever want to do is make your life better however I can. Making sure someone I love has a safe place to live is the least I could do.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Peter replied, “but I still can’t accept the apartment for free. I know MJ and Ned would be screaming at me right now, but I just can’t.”</p><p>“I don’t understand,” Tony admitted. “You love gifts. You were happy with the watch and the laptop.”</p><p>“This is way more expensive.”</p><p>“Is it really about the money, or is it something else?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Is it that you want to be independent? You don’t want any help from me?”</p><p>“Not exactly,” Peter said. “I mean, I don’t know. That is true, but it’s more like I already feel like I don’t deserve you, and every nice thing you do for me makes me feel even more at odds.”</p><p>“I mean, obviously I’d love to live here, and it’s much nicer than the other place, but I’m not taking it for free, and we just can’t afford it.”</p><p>“You said your budget’s 2500, right?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“What a coincidence. That’s what this place is going for.”</p><p>“I’m not stupid,” Peter argued. “I know that’s not true.”</p><p>“Funny, I just talked to the owner, and he says different.”</p><p>Peter stared at him in disbelief.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“How much is it really?”</p><p>“4000.”</p><p>Peter shook his head.</p><p>“Peter, if you won’t take it for free, just pay what you’d be paying at that other place. Call it a compromise.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “But…are you sure? You’d still be losing 1500 a month.”</p><p>“Yes. I’m sure. You deserve it.”</p><p>Tony continued when Peter didn’t say anything.</p><p>“Accepting gifts doesn’t make you a gold digger. If I offer you something, it’s because I want you to have it, and if you asked me for something, and I didn’t want to give it, I’d tell you no. Simple as that.”</p><p>Peter remained silent while he deliberated.</p><p>“Look, if you don’t want it, no harm done. The other apartment is great, and I’d be happy to visit and distract you from your studies here or there. You can say no, and I won’t push it. I promise.”</p><p>“You do always tell me you don’t do anything unless you’re sure…”</p><p>Tony nodded his head exaggeratedly.</p><p>“It is really nice,” Peter admitted. “I’m just…are you sure it won’t cause problems for you?”</p><p>“Positive. 1500 bucks is nothing to me.”</p><p>“It is if it’s that much a month for four years.” Peter raised his eyebrows.</p><p>Tony shrugged. “Like I said, you can say no. I won’t be offended, but if you genuinely like this place better, and if you want to cut your commute by twenty minutes? Just take it. I’m offering it to you. No strings. No threat of eviction regardless of anything that happens between us. No surprise rent increase after your first year. Right hand to God.”</p><p>Peter nodded. He wasn’t happy even considering things not working out between him and Tony, but it was reassuring to know that the gifts didn’t depend on anything more than the man caring for him at a base level.</p><p>“You mean if we broke up next week, you’d still honour the deal?” Peter raised his eyebrows.</p><p>Tony frowned. “Not saying it wouldn’t sting, but I’m not the vindictive type. A deal’s a deal.”</p><p>“Well I would never expect you to do that, and I would never let you do that. Also, since we’re on the subject, I would never break up with you either,” Peter said, “so I guess it’s all irrelevant.”</p><p>Tony smiled. “So, does this mean yes?”</p><p>“Easy there, big shot,” Peter teased. “Let me at least call my friends to see what they say.”</p><p>“FaceTime them,” Tony encouraged. “I want to hear them call you ridiculous for even taking so long to think about it.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for the apartment, Tony. Seriously. I really am grateful for everything you do, and I’ll try to be more accepting of gifts and stuff if it makes you happy. I just…I do feel guilty about not having anything to give back to you, so yeah. I’m trying my best.”</p><p>“I know, Pete. Maybe after this I’ll try to tone it down. I’m trying my best too, and I do tend to be a little overzealous when it comes to you. It’s a blessing and a curse.”</p><p>“Same,” Peter sighed. “So you can try to tone down the gifts, and I’ll try to understand that I’m not taking advantage of you by accepting them.”</p><p>“Sounds like a plan.”</p><p>“I’d like to exercise my right to ask something else of you,” Peter said. “If I may.”</p><p>“You may.”</p><p>“Can you take me to Starbuck’s?”</p><p>Tony laughed. “Is that all?”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“That’s asking a lot, but I think I can manage it. I wouldn’t mind getting a coffee.”</p><p>“Good. I have a gift card.” Peter smirked.</p><p>“Hmm. You’re such a cheeky little thing.”</p><p>“It’s from spending so much time with you,” Peter explained. “Your attitude rubs off on me.”</p><p>Tony chuckled. “I’d rather it be me than my attitude.”</p><p>“Oh my God. Just like that, the moment’s gone.”</p><p>“Don’t even give me that. You set me up for that on purpose.”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The rest of August flew by, and Peter wasn’t ready to accept that school was fast approaching, although he felt much more secure about it since he had a guaranteed place. He had to admit, too, that it was damn nice. He and Tony had already been together over a month, and he was going to be leaving May’s soon, and he’d turned 18…it was so much growing up to do in such a short period of time, and it was a bit tough to adjust, but it was made all the easier with Tony at his side.</p><p>All of Peter’s worries about him and Tony not making time to spend with one another turned out to be unfounded as well because besides his birthday, their Friday sessions, and the apartment tour, they hung out a few more times for the fell of it. Even in the beginning, Peter had been insecure about how their main bonding moments had been the result of either sudden, stressful situations or mundane, pre-scheduled gym sessions. It was nice to meet in the middle of the spectrum of spontaneity and spend time together just because. Even better was when Tony initiated a hangout. Peter loved to feel wanted.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Are you busy tomorrow?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not at all. What’s up?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I want to see you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fine by me. :)</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I’ll pick you up at work. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We can go to my place.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>P.S. Bring your swim trunks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is there a pool I don’t know <br/>about in your penthouse?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yes and no.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s on the roof.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s a date.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You can say that again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s a date.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Smartass. ;)</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>They were ten minutes into it before Peter decided he had better things to do with Tony than watch a movie he’d already seen dozens of times.</p><p>Tony already had his arm around him, so it wasn’t difficult for Peter to turn his face and press his lips to Tony’s skin. Peter was glad Tony’s neck wasn’t as ticklish as his own. The man proved it by exposing more of his skin for Peter to have his way with.</p><p>Peter accepted the unspoken offer way too quickly and began moving his mouth more deliberately. He pulled back just a bit and licked his lips before replacing them. Tony tasted clean and a touch salty, but after Peter kissed him enough times, the tang disappeared.</p><p>Tony’s arm remained wrapped around Peter’s shoulder and his opposite hand settled at his waist. Peter mouthed around the hem of Tony’s shirt and used his tongue to lave right beneath his jaw. He could feel the scrape of Tony’s beard across his nose and cheek and nearly fainted. He couldn’t believe he was allowed to do this.</p><p>He got more excited, then, and started kissing all the way up Tony’s jaw until he got to his earlobe. Peter took the soft skin into his mouth and sucked on it just to see what it would do, and was more than surprised when Tony groaned and inclined his head to expose even more of his neck. Peter was encouraged by Tony’s obvious satisfaction and kept going, moving his hands to cradle his head.</p><p>Peter had always thought Tony’s hair looked soft and fluffy but running his fingers through it was a different story.</p><p>“Your hair is amazing,” Peter breathed. “It’s feels so good.”</p><p>Peter hazarded a glance at Tony to see if the man thought that was a weird compliment, and he was elated by the expression he found. Tony’s eyes pupils were blown wide, and his usually even skin tone was tinged pink. His lips seemed extra plump since he’d been biting them.</p><p>“Is this okay?” Peter asked.</p><p>“Uh huh.” Tony nodded before clearing his throat. “Absolutely.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Peter adjusted his position, but it was hard to reach where he wanted at the bizarre angle they were at from sitting side by side.</p><p>Peter yelped when Tony brought a hand to his thigh and lifted his leg over, so he was straddling his lap.</p><p>Peter couldn’t help but scramble off immediately. He couldn’t sit on Tony’s lap.</p><p>“Fuck. I’m sorry,” Tony said. “Too far.”</p><p>“No, it’s okay,” Peter said. “No, I’m sorry. I panicked.”</p><p>Tony brought his hands back to himself and rubbed them down his face. “I got carried away.”</p><p>“No, it was good,” Peter assured. “I promise. I, uhm, I just didn’t want to be too heavy.”</p><p>“Come again?”</p><p>“Well, you know,” Peter started, wringing his hands, “I still weigh a lot. I don’t want to hurt your legs.”</p><p>“Peter,” Tony said, voice sounding totally wrecked.</p><p>Peter winced. “Sorry. I’m working on it.”</p><p>“Define ‘working on it’.”</p><p>“I’m working on losing more weight, and then—and then we can do whatever you want.”</p><p>“I love your body. I don’t know how else to explain it to you. I thought you—fuck.”</p><p>“Thought I what?”</p><p>“I thought you trusted me.”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“Obviously you don’t. You think I need you to lose more weight before we have sex, but that’s not true at all. You want that.”</p><p>“I’ll give you all the time you need,” Tony continued. “I promise you that, but don’t think I’m waiting for you to reach a goal weight. I’m waiting until you’re ready. There’s a difference.”</p><p>“I’m kind of in a tight spot, here,” Tony breathed. “You know, if I encourage you to give it up early because I don’t care about your weight, I look like I’m a manipulative pervert, but if I let you wait too long, then I’m reinforcing the idea that you need to be a certain weight for sex. Then I look like an asshole.”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Maybe I’m both.”</p><p>“Oh my God, Tony, no. It has nothing to do with you. I know that you’re not a pervert or an asshole.”</p><p>“What I said came out wrong,” Peter continued. “Once I lose some more weight, I’ll be more comfortable and then we can do what <em>we </em>want. I didn’t mean it’s your fault. I’m trying not to think like that about myself, but it’s just the way it is for now.”</p><p>Peter kept speaking. “I do trust you, by the way. I’m comfortable with you, and even being around you and kissing you is like…a huge deal for me. I don’t know how to explain it…”</p><p>Tony took Peter’s hand and rubbed a thumb across his knuckles.</p><p>“I was barely used to the idea that we were friends, and now all of a sudden you’re my boyfriend. It’s like, if I was just in gym clothes around you and we were working out, it was no big deal because there was nothing sexual about it, and I wasn’t embarrassed, but now it’s like the goal posts have been moved, and I’m thinking of myself in a different context when I’m with you, and I’m comfortable with the kissing, obviously, and I’m feeling ready to do more, but even with all the progress I’ve made, I still have some…hangups? You’re so important to me, and I don’t want to make any mistakes.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s not even that I want to lose more weight,” Peter admitted. “Maybe I’m not ready in general, and I’m hiding behind my weight as an excuse. I honestly don’t know, Tony. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Thank you for explaining.” Tony leaned forward and kissed Peter on the cheek. “I didn’t mean to get worked up,” he sighed. “I want to make damn sure you know that your weight is beyond irrelevant to me. All you would have to do is say the word, and I’d be right there in that bed with you. Now, or months ago. I mean it.”</p><p>Peter held his tongue even though he wanted to scoff.</p><p>“I don’t want to make any mistakes either, and believe it or not, I’m nervous too,” Tony added.</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“This was my fault… I shouldn’t have grabbed your leg like that, and I definitely shouldn’t have accused you of not trusting me. That was my ego talking.”</p><p>“No.” Peter closed his eyes in shame. “It’s not your fault…if it were someone else, they would’ve let you do it.”</p><p>“I don’t want anyone else, so who cares?”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Peter, don’t apologize, or I’m gonna have to give you a lecture.”</p><p>“I think I want to hear one,” Peter admitted.</p><p>“Careful what you wish for,” Tony joked.</p><p>“I’m serious. I know my line of thinking is off here, I know what I said isn’t exactly good. I just can’t see my way around it this time. You know? I just keep thinking about what I’d look like naked, and you looking at me, and it makes me feel sick. I don’t want to think like that, and I know you don’t think like that, but I just cannot get it out of my head.” A tear slipped from his eye and he wiped it away.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Peter said. “I don’t want you to think this is your fault. I’m sorry I’m still messed up.”</p><p>“No, Peter. Please, don’t go down that road. Just come here.” Tony outstretched his arms. “Lay with me for a minute.”</p><p>Peter went to Tony silently and let the man wrap his arms around him. Tony lied back on the couch and brought Peter with him. The couch was large enough that they could lie side by side comfortably, and Peter was more than content to be tucked into Tony’s armpit. His favourite hiding place.</p><p>“First of all, as long as you’re honest with me, I can always help you. That’s day one stuff. Even if I don’t like what you tell me, I want to hear it, so I can understand what’s going on in your mind.”</p><p>“I want you to tell me what you’re thinking too. Even if I’m not happy about being called out.”</p><p>“I will always be honest with you,” Tony assured. “Which leads me to my second point. I can tell you all I want that I love you for who you are now and what you look like now, but you need to come to that conclusion too. You’re worth the same now as you were when you weighed more, and you’ll be worth the same if you weigh less some day.”</p><p>Peter was starting to understand that concept more and more, but it was hard to accept completely when he’d lived his whole life believing that he would be better at a lower weight. As with most things, easier said than done.</p><p>“That being said,” Tony continued. “You don’t give yourself enough credit for how well you’re doing. It’s only been a few months, and you’re already so far along. The fact that you can ask for help and tell the truth even when you’re ashamed, is so impressive, Pete. To recognize negative thoughts and admit you don’t have a handle on them. To go from not even being able to look me in the eye to admitting your feelings, to kissing me—thank you very much for both of those things, by the way.”</p><p>Peter laughed.</p><p>“Is it ideal that you freaked out just now? No. But it takes strength to stop something you don’t like in its tracks, too. And both of us need to remember that there’s more to this than your body image. It’s your age and your experience level, too.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Peter blushed.</p><p>“We’re in a new relationship,” Tony continued, “and none of those things are bad, but it’s the way it is, so, you have a lot of reasons to be scared. Okay, that sounded threatening, but you get it.”</p><p>“I guess,” Peter sighed. “I don’t know. Aren’t you mad, though?” He sat up so he could see Tony’s face.</p><p>“Mad about what?” Tony sat up too.</p><p>“That we haven’t done anything.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “You let me make out with you.”</p><p>“Yeah, but that’s not… I don’t know. That’s not enough for you.”</p><p>“We have years ahead of us, and we’re gonna have all the time in the world for you to wear me out. Trust me. One day you’ll be ready, and that’s that. Until then, I’m enjoying things as they are.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter repeated. “I feel bad.”</p><p>Tony’s expression turned sympathetic. “Let’s talk about it. You know we can do things in steps.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“First of all, you can be open with me,” Tony explained. “You don’t have to look guilty every time you say the word sex.”</p><p>“I’m shy,” Peter argued. “I can barely ask Ned’s mom for a glass of water when I go over to their house. Give me a break.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “You’re right, that’s not fair.”</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“Tell me about what you like and what you don’t like. What you want to try,” Tony suggested. “Ask me questions, tell me your concerns. We can literally talk about it until we’re blue in the face, and then talk about it some more. The more we talk about it, the more comfortable you’ll be.”</p><p>“That makes me feel like an idiot,” Peter admitted. “I mean, I’m already way less experienced than you, unless you’re like a 41-year-old virgin which would be a miracle, but yeah, you shouldn’t have to help me out like some pathetic kid.”</p><p>“I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re not a pathetic kid, and I’m not a virgin,” Tony replied.</p><p>“I know,” Peter said, “and I know it’s stupid to hate that, but it makes me so jealous.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “I understand.”</p><p>“Like are you gonna be comparing me? And what if I do something wrong?” Peter mumbled. “It’s just nerve wracking. Like you said. It’s more than my body image.”</p><p>“How about a comparison that would make you feel better?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter shrugged.</p><p>“I’d trade them all for you,” Tony said. “Nobody makes me as happy as you, Pete, so you can worry all you want about doing things wrong, but as long as it’s you, it’s right for me.”</p><p>“Stop,” Peter complained, “you always say such nice things.”</p><p>“You bring out the best in me,” Tony teased.</p><p>Tony continued, “And there’s a learning curve in any relationship. When people start going out, they have to figure out all sorts of things. You know, and even people with no age difference between them could be at different places sexually. I’m not gonna judge you for not fucking like a porn star when you barely had your first kiss.”</p><p>Peter didn’t hide his scandalized expression at Tony’s words. “Yeah. You’re right. As usual.”</p><p>“Say that again?”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes.</p><p>“So, hit me,” Tony suggested. “What’s going on in that big, beautiful brain of yours?”</p><p>“How many people have there been?” Peter blurted.</p><p>Tony grimaced. “I’ll answer if you think it will make you feel better. Can you honestly tell me that you’ll be okay with what I say?”</p><p>Peter sighed. “I don’t know. I like knowing things. If I imagine it, it could be worse.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Okay—”</p><p>“Wait, no,” Peter said. “No, maybe I don’t want to hear that yet.”</p><p>“Whatever you want,” Tony encouraged.</p><p>“Maybe it would help if you told me something you were scared of?” Peter tried. “So I don’t feel like I’m the only one who’s worried.”</p><p>“That’s easy,” Tony said. “You upgrade to a newer model and decide to leave me.”</p><p>“Tony,” Peter chastised. “That’s du—are you serious? I would never do that.”</p><p>Tony shrugged. “College is a big place.”</p><p>“Oh my God. I can’t believe you would think that.”</p><p>“That’s exactly how I feel when you act like you’re not good enough for me. It’s preposterous.”</p><p>Peter opened his mouth to argue, but he couldn’t think of a good comeback. “I guess we’re both kind of disasters, then.”</p><p>“You have no idea, Peter. I keep waiting for you to run for the hills.”</p><p>“Maybe if I was a stronger runner…”</p><p>Tony grinned. “Anyway, besides that, I’m scared that I’m hurting you instead of helping. Maybe I should stop being selfish and let you go. You can have a life, have other people, and experience everything you haven’t. Things will be different if you go to college single, and—”</p><p>“Let me just stop you there,” Peter said. “That’s not happening. At least not if I have a say.”</p><p>Peter continued. “Everyone always says that ‘you need to have experiences’ and ‘settling down young is a mistake’. But what experiences are you even talking about? Going to college parties and screwing around with people? Or, having a few relationships with people my age who wouldn’t have looked at me twice before? Getting my heart broken, so I can ‘toughen up’? Because I’ve never wanted that. Even before I met you, I never wanted that.”</p><p>“You act like you’re some monster keeping me away from everything, but I still have my friends, you eat dinner with me and May, so I know you’re not trying to keep me away from my family, and it’s not like I dropped out of school to run away with you. I don’t know…”</p><p>“I’ve lost my entire family except May, and I’ve been miserable as long as I can remember.” Peter lowered his eyes. “Now I have you, and you’re what I want, and I’m not gonna look back on this in ten years and wish I was swiping for fuckboys on Tinder. I’m gonna think wow, how did I get so lucky to meet the love of my life on the first try?”</p><p>“Jesus, Pete. It’s your turn to quit saying such nice things. My heart can’t take it.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “Well, it’s true.”</p><p>“Ten years is a long time. You think you can put up with me that long?”</p><p>Peter blushed. “I mean. I don’t want to assume…like, you could meet someone else, too. It was an example. You know, the point is, neither of us know what could happen. A car accident could take me out tomorrow, and then—”</p><p>“Don’t say that,” Tony said. “Seriously. Point taken. I agree. There. No car accident talk.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Peter said.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Tony said. “Let’s table this future talk for our wedding night. I mean, twentieth anniversary. Shit, I mean when you graduate college.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”</p><p>“Tell me about it,” Tony agreed. “We went from talking about sex to what kind of flower arrangements I’ll want next to my tombstone. I’d prefer to get back to the sex talk.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter breathed. “Same.”</p><p>Tony squeezed Peter’s hand since he was still holding it.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter hesitated. “So you want me to ask you questions, right?”</p><p>“Literally anything.”</p><p>“Can I ask you how many times you jack off a day?” Peter wondered. “Is that an okay question?”</p><p>“At least once. Every morning,” Tony replied without a pause. “Sometimes twice.”</p><p>“Wow, okay.” Peter smiled when he remembered the first time he’d ever shared a bed with Tony. They’d both been hard, and Peter knew he’d taken care of business in the shower. Maybe Tony had too. “Would you have made a move on me if I’d tried harder the night you picked me up from Flash’s house?”</p><p>Tony looked surprised at the question. “That was torture, first of all. You’re quite the saucy minx when you want to be, I’ll tell you that.”</p><p>Peter grinned.</p><p>“But, as much as I wanted to. No,” Tony admitted. “It wouldn’t have been right. You called me because you trusted me, and I didn’t want to fuck that up.”</p><p>“That’s sweet.”</p><p>“What can I say? Maybe I’m not a monster, after all.”</p><p>Peter shook his head at Tony’s words.</p><p>“My turn,” Tony spoke again.</p><p>Peter waited patiently.</p><p>“How many times a day do you do it?” Tony smiled mischievously. “You’re young. Gosh, it’s probably what, five, six times?”</p><p>Peter blushed crimson.</p><p>Tony’s smile grew bigger.</p><p>“Um. Not exactly,” Peter admitted. “Up until like, well, pretty recently, actually, I did it like once or twice a month.”</p><p>Tony inclined his head.</p><p>Peter ran a hand through his hair. “It was difficult for me because I felt so disgusting. I didn’t even like imagining anything happening that involved me, so I just avoided it…” Peter hazarded a glance at Tony before continuing. “Now, I do it a couple times a week, but it’s still hard. I know it’s not a sexy answer, or anything, but, yeah.”</p><p>“Everything you do is sexy,” Tony countered.</p><p>Peter laughed out loud. “Yeah, okay.”</p><p>Peter continued before Tony could say anything else, “So you get more now that it’s not really about how you see me…I had a hard time even by myself.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “The more I learn, the more you impress me.”</p><p>Peter shrugged. Masturbating more didn’t seem that impressive to him, but if Tony thought it was, then who was he to judge.</p><p>“So, what do you think about while you touch yourself?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter sighed. “It’s my turn to ask another question.”</p><p>“I wondered if you’d call me out. Should’ve known.”</p><p>Peter licked his lips. “It’s another question about that night, or technically the morning.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“What did you think when you woke up with your arms around me?”</p><p>“I—wait, you weren’t sleeping? I knew it,” Tony accused. “Wow. What an actor.”</p><p>Peter smiled innocently.</p><p>“I thought, ‘damn, too bad I have morals left’,” Tony explained. “Otherwise…”</p><p>Peter’s eyes widened.</p><p>“So, let me get this straight,” Tony added. “You knew the condition I woke up in, and I was spooning you, and you still weren’t sure I was interested.”</p><p>“I didn’t want to assume anything. I don’t know.”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “You are so frustratingly adorable.”</p><p>“Your turn.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “Enlighten me about your innermost fantasies. Of whom do you think while you—”</p><p>“You.”</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “Me doing what?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Just being you,” Peter admitted. “What do you think about?”</p><p>“My answer isn’t as romantic,” Tony said.</p><p>“That’s okay.”</p><p>“I think about you all the time,” Tony continued.</p><p>“Oh?” Peter asked, intrigued.</p><p>“I don’t know if we should go there,” Tony said. “We’re supposed to be just talking. I don’t wanna push.”</p><p>“Push me,” Peter challenged. He wanted to take advantage of this brave streak he was having and get more things on the table. He was tired of all the conversations he had with Tony being about reassurance. He wanted to talk to his boyfriend about fun things like sex.</p><p>“You’ve convinced me. I’ve probably imagined fucking you on every surface in my apartment, honestly. I’ve imagined sucking you off, and vice versa. All sorts of stuff.”</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure if he should feel shy or appalled by how candid Tony was being. Maybe neither. He appreciated it more than anything because the man’s boldness set the bar higher for him, and he felt more comfortable expressing himself.</p><p>“I think about that too.”</p><p>“Yeah? Which part?”</p><p>“All of it, but mostly me…doing things for you.”</p><p>“What kind of things? Specifically.”</p><p>Peter met Tony’s eyes. “It’s embarrassing.”</p><p>“I guarantee I won’t be embarrassed,” Tony joked. “You can’t faze me.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter began. “Honestly, I think about you in the—no I can’t. It’s—I’m not ready to—”</p><p>“Hey, stop. It’s okay, Pete. Just relax,” Tony said. “Don’t tell me, then.”</p><p>“Well, it has to do with at the gym,” Peter hinted. “In the office? Maybe.”</p><p>“You kill me. You know that?”</p><p>Peter did what he knew best and hid his face. It wasn’t even that risqué of a sex fantasy, but admitting it to Tony was a big step for him.</p><p>“What else?” Tony prompted. “Has there been anything you saw or heard that seemed interesting to you? Anything that affected you in a way that surprised you?”</p><p>“There is one thing,” Peter admitted. “It’s silly, and I think you meant it as a joke, but I don’t know…”</p><p>Tony looked intrigued at the idea that it had something to do with him.</p><p>“Um, on the retreat. You called me a good boy? I was surprised by how much I liked that.”</p><p>“Wow,” Tony mused. “You just keep on getting better and better.”</p><p>“How about you? Do you like to be called anything?”</p><p>Tony smiled seductively. “I already told you I love it when you call me big shot.”</p><p>Peter giggled.</p><p>“And, you called me Mr. Stark once. That was a trip.”</p><p>“That’s all?”</p><p>“Don’t look so disappointed,” Tony joked. “We’ll have plenty of time to develop a roster of titles.”</p><p>“I mean, I also like when you call me baby and sweetheart, but I feel awkward saying those things to you, so I call you Tony. What else is there?”</p><p>“You’ll think of something, and when you do, it’ll feel right,” Tony assured.</p><p>Peter nodded. “I feel a lot better now. To be honest, I think we should table this discussion for another time and swim before we get too close to curfew.”</p><p>“You got it, sugar plum,” Tony replied.</p><p>“Nope,” Peter rejected. “That’s a no.”</p><p>“Noted.”</p><p>“Really, anything to do with sugar, food, or pies? I mean, read the room,” Peter explained. “I don’t think I’m there yet.”</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Not even honey?”</p><p>“That one is acceptable.”</p><p>“Yay,” Tony replied in delight. “I gotta write these down.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter changed into his swimming trunks in Tony’s bathroom. He’d made sure to pack an extra t-shirt to wear in the pool as well, but when he was about to put it on, he stopped himself. He checked himself out in the mirror, spinning around and angling his head to try and get a good look at his back. He still had a softness about him, but the more he looked at his body, the more he became aware of the discrepancy of what was going on in his mind and what he was actually seeing.</p><p>He wasn’t about to start any self-love campaigns or parade naked in the street, but he thought maybe he could try to take a small step and go shirtless in the pool. At least he was with Tony, who he truly did trust. He’d experimented with shorts at the gym only a few weeks prior, and he hadn’t been a fan of them, but he’d tried them, and the world hadn’t come to an end. Nobody’s eyes had burned out of their skulls. Tony hadn’t even mentioned anything at all, so it must not have been a big deal. Even if the man had noticed, he hadn’t had a bad reaction, so maybe Tony was right. It really was him that had it in his head that he was disgusting.</p><p>Peter put on the shirt for the walk up to the roof, but he vowed that he was going to be brave and shed it once they reached the pool area.</p><p>He almost lost his nerve when he walked out of the bathroom and saw Tony. He was flawless, and maybe Peter had accepted he wasn’t a grotesque slob, but he still knew he didn’t look like <em>that. </em></p><p>Peter rolled his eyes discreetly, but he thought Tony saw it anyway because he gave him a lopsided smile. He wanted to make a joke, or quote a movie, something to make him seem aloof, but it was difficult to play coy when Tony’s body was on display for him, and he was actually allowed to do something about it.</p><p>“You see anything you like?” Tony turned around slowly.</p><p>Peter was able to shake himself out of it since he was giggling at Tony’s silliness.</p><p>Tony winked at him, grabbed his towel off the bed and started walking away, obviously not anticipating Peter’s idea to smack his ass. Well, it was less of an idea and more of an impulse. Peter had a problem with his brain short-circuiting when he was in Tony’s presence, and especially when Tony was half naked. He was only human.</p><p>Tony turned around. “Did you seriously just do that?”</p><p>“Sorry.” Peter’s cheeks heated up instantaneously. “It was, um, a reflex?”</p><p>Tony chuckled and leaned forward and kissed Peter on the lips. “How did I get so lucky?”</p><p>“Um,” Peter hesitated. “You can’t ask me questions and expect coherent answers after kissing.”</p><p>Tony slung his arm around Peter’s shoulders and Peter returned the gesture by snaking his arm around Tony’s hips. He was grateful they were about to be in the water because he was feeling heated and way too turned on for what little had happened. Not to mention that taking off his shirt would definitely clear his mind of spicy thoughts and replace them with anxious ones.</p><p> </p><p>Peter felt sobered when he took off his shirt and got in the water. He didn’t immediately regret it, or anything so dramatic, but he did feel exposed and vulnerable. He was dying for Tony to say something.</p><p>When Tony finally looked at him and saw what was going on, the excitement he was feeling only minutes prior returned. Tony looked at him with the same expression he’d had in the parking garage, when he’d said he wanted to make a mess of him.</p><p>Peter was caught between sinking lower in the water to conceal himself and standing up to show Tony more.</p><p>“Pete, I know I said you could tease me all you want, but holy hell. You can’t give a guy a warning?”</p><p>“I—”</p><p>“Do you have any idea how hot you are?” Tony asked. He found Peter’s hands beneath the water and pulled him further into the deep end.</p><p>Peter didn’t know if hot was the proper word. At best he could see cute, or maybe soft. May called him cute and said he gave good hugs. MJ said the same, but those qualities were nowhere near being hot. Especially not in someone like Tony’s perspective.</p><p>“I’m not hot,” Peter argued. “I’m not.”</p><p>“Wrong.”</p><p>“I’m not saying I’m ugly, but I’m not hot. That’s ridiculous.”</p><p>“Whatever you say.” Tony flicked water at Peter.</p><p>Peter flicked water back.</p><p>“You don’t feel like you had to do this because of what we’re talking about, right?” Tony narrowed his eyes. “Because even if I don’t want you to hangups, if you do, that’s your prerogative. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want, and that includes swimming shirtless, even though the view is exceptional.”</p><p>“Seriously, it’s okay,” Peter assured. “I’m like you sometimes in the way that I don’t do things unless I want to. Unless I’m sure. Even when those things are hard, or even when I’m scared.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Yeah, I can see that, actually.”</p><p>Peter smiled, happy to be validated. Happy that Tony would accept him likening himself to him. It emboldened him enough that he started to pull Tony back near the shallow end so they could kiss more without accidentally drowning.</p><p>“I like the way you think,” Tony approved.</p><p>The kiss was salty because of the water that lingered on their lips, but Peter didn’t mind it.</p><p>Peter wasn’t too worried about how much he weighed, or how his skin felt under Tony’s hands because the water took care of everything for him. They made out more than swam, but it had never really been about the swimming anyway, so Peter wasn’t disappointed, and would’ve bet anything that Tony wasn’t either.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When they had to get out of the water, Peter was quick to wrap himself in a towel since it was more exposing. The August evening was warm and comforting on his wet skin, but the breeze from being so high up quickly dried the droplets and left him a little chilled. He slipped on his shirt and headed to the edge of the roof to look out at the city.</p><p>“Did you have a good time?” Tony asked from behind him, slotting his head onto Peter’s shoulder.</p><p>Peter leaned back into Tony, and the man wrapped his arms around him in turn.</p><p>“The best time,” Peter said. “Did you?”</p><p>“You stole my answer.”</p><p>Peter laughed before turning more solemn. “I’m sorry about freaking out earlier.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I let my ego do the talking.”</p><p>Peter smiled even though Tony couldn’t see it. “You make everything look so easy. Sometimes I forget that things are tricky for you too.”</p><p>“Yeah, well.”</p><p>“I just want you to know, it’s all stuff I have to deal with in my own head, and I promise you’re not rushing me at all, and I do trust you…it’s just…hard,” Peter finished lamely. “You know, I don’t want you to have to reassure me all the time. It’s not fair to you.”</p><p>“There’ll come a time when you need to reassure me,” Tony said. “Trust me. Things are a little skewed right now, but like I told you. We have years ahead of us—I hope—and dynamics change.”</p><p>“I guess,” Peter sighed. “I’m being short sighted.”</p><p>“Better get you some glasses then,” Tony joked. He kissed Peter’s neck quickly and then backed away. “Time to go inside, baby. Unfortunately.”</p><p>“One day we won’t have to part ways,” Peter sighed. “We can say goodnight and turn off the light.”</p><p>“That’s the dream, baby.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you like sappy romance and dialogue...because that's the main ingredient of this chapter. :) P.S. The chapters after this will have explicit scenes in them, so be prepared for that! &gt;:)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Relocation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter, Ned, and MJ move into the new apartment.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome to another chapter. I hope you're all doing well.</p><p>xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter felt more confident about his relationship with Tony knowing the lines of communication were open; he could tell Tony anything without fear of judgment. Not only had they discussed sex which was a big step in itself, but Peter had expressed his lingering fears and concerns with his body image, and Tony had completely reassured him. Sure, he was still nervous, but going shirtless in front of Tony in the pool without anything but positive consequences was inspiring.</p><p>Apart from the sexual questions he’d asked and answered, the biggest relief for Peter was hearing Tony convey how serious he was about the relationship. Peter had explained to Tony how hopelessly in love he was, and he’d made it explicitly clear that those feelings were reciprocated. Tony said they had years ahead of them, and that he would do anything to make it work, and that he didn’t care about the learning curve that came with Peter’s inexperience. Peter still hoped that he would be amazing in bed on the first try, but knowing that Tony would be understanding if he wasn’t was important to him.</p><p>Peter didn’t know what he’d be comfortable with in the moment since it was easy to let his mind get carried away and think about going for broke and just having full on sex with Tony, but he had to remember that sometimes he felt shy to kiss and touch casually. He was depending on the excitement of the moment to urge him on and take him where he wanted to go. Even if he didn’t take his clothes off, or get off, he wanted to explore Tony at the very least.</p><p>He wasn’t sure when or how it would happen, but he knew that the next time he and Tony were alone, he wanted to take a step forward, show Tony that he did trust him, and give himself a chance to experience the things he wanted to without fear holding him back.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter, MJ, and Ned wanted to start moving into their new apartment as soon as possible. Because Tony owned the place, they were able to receive keys and get started on making the place a home before the start of the semester. Not having to rush and do it all in one day like they would’ve had they chosen the other place was convenient. It also gave them more time to find furniture.</p><p>Peter’s first dilemma arose when he considered that he couldn’t move his mattress from his childhood bedroom because it was dwarfed by the size of his room. He also needed a bed to remain at May’s in case he stayed over when he went back to Queens to work or visit. He also wanted a larger bed in case Tony slept over now that that was a possibility.</p><p>He’d saved up around 5000 dollars from working during the summer, but he wanted to keep that as a safety net since he was going down to part-time at the gym, and he would have to start grocery shopping for himself. He wanted to spend some of his money on things for the new place, though, and he knew it would be an investment if he was going to be living there for four years.</p><p>May made good on her promise of sending him off with a collection of odds and ends from around their apartment, so he was good on lame stuff like utensils and dishes, and throw pillows, but lacking in any real furniture besides his desk. The best thing about living with his friends would be that everything could be split, so it wasn’t too bad as long as they agreed on what to buy and how to decorate.</p><p>Peter could tell Tony was trying very hard not to offer anything more, and he appreciated the effort. He thought Tony was going to bust a vein in his forehead when he mentioned needing a bigger mattress and a TV for the living room. Peter still had almost all of the gift cards Tony had given him for graduating, though, and he was able to provide most of the appliances since not all of the stores stuck to clothing and also sold homewares.</p><p>Some of the gift cards were even for fast food restaurants, and Peter had been saving them specifically for the occasion of going off to school since he would have to start cooking and providing for himself. He’d shared some of the burden with May, but it had mostly been her that shopped and cooked, and now he was going to have to step up his game, but he also wanted to know that if he needed to, he could go ahead and get some takeout without worrying about the cost.</p><p>In the end, Peter decided to spend a bit of his savings and buy a new mattress. The discount store he purchased it from didn’t offer free delivery, so he finally asked Tony for help, but for the ridiculous number of vehicles he had, there were no trucks. Peter found it funnier than anything, especially since Tony didn’t even try to play it cool and pretend it didn’t bother him. Tony was pouty that he wasn’t able to help.</p><p>“It’s totally cool,” Peter assured him. “Bucky and Steve have a truck, and they live in Brooklyn, and they’re strong. We can go with them and like, hold the door open or something.”</p><p>Tony narrowed his eyes. “You do make a good argument.”</p><p>“Plus, Steve has offered to help me a million times,” Peter added. “I think it would honestly make his life he we let him do this.”</p><p>“Where’s that attitude when I want to help?” Tony asked.</p><p>When he reminded Tony of how much he was helping without even realizing it, it hadn’t been hard to see the satisfaction on his face. Tony thought the giftcards didn’t count, but he didn’t push the issue, and only joked about Peter being a giftcard hoarder since they should’ve been spent along time go. “If you spend them, I can replenish them,” Tony had said. “Christmas is coming up you know.”</p><p>Peter had laughed and said he appreciated it, and if he genuinely needed something—besides a fleet of trucks—he would ask.</p><p> </p><p>When the day came for Steve and Bucky to see the apartment, Peter was eager to see their reaction.</p><p>“Oh my God,” Bucky remarked. He dropped the mattress in the middle of the living room and left Steve to bear the load.</p><p>Peter looked at Bucky questioningly. Did he not like the apartment?</p><p>“Who decorated this place?” Bucky cried. “The couch is plaid.”</p><p>Peter looked at Tony for back up, but he was pointedly looking away.</p><p>“Tony?”</p><p>“Yes, dear?”</p><p>Peter crossed his arms. “What’s wrong with the couch? It was only fifty bucks. It’s retro.”</p><p>Steve agreed. “I think it looks nice.”</p><p>Bucky grimaced. “Tony, what the fuck? How did you let this happen?”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Peter gasped. “I can’t believe this. You told me it had character.”</p><p>“It does,” Tony said.</p><p>Bucky stalked back over to Steve and picked up the mattress. “I can’t even look at it anymore, where’s your bedroom?”</p><p>Peter sighed and led them to his room. He wondered what insults he’d have to hear about that.</p><p>He couldn’t help but crack up laughing when Bucky cried out, “LEGOs? Jesus Christ, Steve. He’s got blocks everywhere.”</p><p>“Easy, Bucky,” Steve huffed. “They’re not that bad.”</p><p>Tony came to his rescue this time. “He is going to be an engineer. It only makes sense that he likes to build.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter added. “So there.”</p><p>“Whatever lets you sleep at night.” Bucky shook his head.</p><p>Peter laughed. “The new mattress you’re setting up for me will help me sleep just fine.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>With the new bed, his desk, his laptop, his best LEGOs—Bucky could kiss his ass; they were cool—and the clothes from his wardrobe that still fit, Peter had made his bedroom home. The finishing touch was printing off the photo of him and Tony from the bowling date and getting a frame for it. He put that on his desk.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Labour Day weekend arrived, it was time to for Peter, Ned, and MJ to move into the apartment officially. Most of their stuff was already there, but they had a few last minute things to bring, and they were having a repeat of graduation where they’d all go out with their families to celebrate the kids leaving the nest.</p><p>Peter and May were the first ones there, and despite having had an early morning breakfast meeting, Tony was next. Peter thought it was endearing how Tony knocked and waited to be let in.</p><p>“Welcome to my humble abode.” Peter grinned.</p><p>“Why thank you. I’m your first guest…” Tony commented. “How about that?”</p><p>“I’m the first guest,” May interjected. “Sorry about your luck.”</p><p>Tony hummed. “Nope, you and Peter came here together. No knocking on or answering of the door was involved. I had to be specifically let in. Therefore, I’m the first guest.”</p><p>May frowned. “What do you think, Peter?”</p><p>“Nope, no way. Not getting involved in this.”</p><p>“Chicken.” Tony winked.</p><p>“I’d rather be a chicken than dead,” Peter replied.</p><p>May laughed and changed the subject. “I know I already said this, Tony, but this place is so nice. It’s so generous of you to do this for the kids.”</p><p>“Ah, they deserve it. It’s nothing.” Tony shrugged.</p><p>Peter eyed him.</p><p>“But, thank you,” Tony added. “All Peter has to do is say the word, and rent would be zero…but I suppose you know how he is.”</p><p>“I do,” May agreed.</p><p>“Can we stop ganging up on me now? Thanks.” Peter rolled his eyes. “I swear. I liked it better when you guys were being weird.”</p><p>“I can revert,” May warned.</p><p>“Please don’t,” Tony said quickly.</p><p>May chuckled.</p><p>“Anyway,” Tony continued. “I come bearing gifts.”</p><p>“Tony,” Peter complained.</p><p>“It’s a small one. I swear.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter allowed.</p><p>Peter took the present in hand and tore into the wrapping paper eagerly. “No way,” he said in disbelief.</p><p>“I know you’re not a fan of pictures, but it’s a great one,” Tony explained. “You can put it on your nightstand, or your desk, or carry it around with you at all times.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “I want to show you something.”</p><p>“Oh, okay.” Tony shrugged.</p><p>Peter led Tony to his bedroom and gestured to the photo of them he already had. “I sort of beat you to the punch.”</p><p>“Wow,” Tony said. “First you ask me for help moving, and I fumble because I prefer sportscars to big rigs, and now, I botch your housewarming gift.”</p><p>“Hey, it’s the thought that counts,” Peter insisted. “I can have one for my desk and beside my bed, and it shows how we think the same. I still love it.”</p><p>“Be that as it may,” Tony said. “I have a backup gift, and with your permission, I’d love to give it to you.”</p><p>“Would it really make you feel better?”</p><p>“You have no idea,” Tony replied.</p><p>Peter could tell Tony wasn’t kidding. “All right. Lay it on me.”</p><p>“Tomorrow morning, there will be a major grocery delivery,” Tony said. “I had Jarvis order you guys pretty much one of everything just to get you on your feet.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “Thank you, Tony. That’s so sweet.”</p><p>“And obviously lunch for everyone is on me.”</p><p>“Let me preface this by saying that literally all you had to do was show up today, and I would’ve been happy,” Peter said, “but, still, it’s a great gift, and something for all of us. You’re the best.”</p><p>“Good,” Tony breathed, “it’s a relief not to be useless.”</p><p>Peter wrapped his arms around Tony’s waist and squeezed him as hard as he could.</p><p>“You’re so strong,” Tony remarked. “Easy on an old man.”</p><p>Peter hadn’t been lying about being glad that Tony had shown up. When he’d asked him to come in the first place, Tony had said he didn’t want to intrude on his time with family and friends. It had been one thing to say that about the birthday sleepover, but this was a completely different circumstance. Peter had told him he was family too, and he wanted him there. Tony hadn’t had much of an argument left after that.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As soon as Ned arrived, he walked right up to him and threw his arms around him. “Tony, you are legit the best. This place is so sick.”</p><p>Tony patted him a few times on the back. “Glad you like it, Ned.”</p><p>“Dude, you don’t even understand.”</p><p>Peter was proud of Tony for not saying anything about being called dude.</p><p>MJ arrived with her dad soon after and gave Tony a casual nod, and Peter didn’t even have to explain that she was thrilled. Tony knew how to speak MJ.</p><p>Again, Tony got along well with everyone, young adults and parents alike. Peter wasn’t sure how much Ned and MJ’s parents knew or didn’t know about his relationship with Tony, or whether they knew the details of how they’d come by such a snazzy apartment for such a good price. If they did know, they weren’t acting weird about it which Peter was grateful for.</p><p>Peter was also grateful that the day was going so well. He was finally getting the hang of combining the different parts of his life and interacting with all the people in it simultaneously without feeling too awkward.</p><p>Peter was extra thrilled by how well his friends got along with Tony. They’d started a bit of a camaraderie at the Chili’s, but now that they were in a relationship, Ned and MJ seemed even more comfortable with him</p><p>MJ asked Tony more about his business, and Peter and Ned listened eagerly at the kitchen table while the parents sat in the living room.</p><p>After a while, MJ turned less sarcastic and told Tony she really liked the apartment.</p><p>“For sure. If you need anything else, just ask.”</p><p>Ned piped up. “My gaming chair could use an upgrade, but—”</p><p>“Dude,” Peter warned.</p><p>“It’s totally fine,” Ned finished. “I was just kidding.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m sure I can get my hands on one.”</p><p>“How about you, MJ?”</p><p>“I’ll give you a list of charities you can donate to.”</p><p>Peter sighed and shook his head. He knew Tony would keep his word about it all.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The group walked around the neighbourhood, and Peter could see how pleased Tony looked when everybody went on about how great of a location the apartment was, and how close it was to the campus. The main restaurant choices in the vicinity were a Five Guys and a Chipotle, and Peter suggested that Tony get to choose.</p><p>“Chipotle is my life,” MJ said before Tony could speak.</p><p>“Five Guys it is then,” Tony answered.</p><p>“That’s what I wanted anyway,” MJ said.</p><p>Tony squinted at Peter in confusion and rolled his eyes when he explained it was another Vine.</p><p>“Thank God,” Ned said. “The Cajun fries are everything.”</p><p>Peter laughed when his parents nodded in agreement and smiled for basically the first time that day.</p><p>It didn’t go unnoticed that May and MJ’s dad weren’t too invested in the conversation about the restaurant and chose to hang back from the group. Peter wondered what they were talking about. He knew they were both single and wouldn’t have minded if it had something to do with that, but he had a feeling they were discussing him and Tony since May looked guilty after he caught her eye.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“So what were you and MJ’s dad talking about?” Peter asked May when they were seated with their food.</p><p>May grimaced. “You and Tony.”</p><p>Peter bristled. He turned to see if Tony was listening to them. He didn’t appear to be, but Peter knew from experience that the man had good hearing.</p><p>“He was curious about you two,” she added.</p><p>“Curious?”</p><p>“Yeah. He wanted to know how long it’s been going on, and what I had to say about it.”</p><p>“How did he even find out?” Peter hadn’t been sure if his friends’ parents knew or cared, but apparently they did know, and they did care. He took it as a good sign that there hadn’t been any mention of it before, and nobody actually looked pissed.</p><p>“It’s not hard to see,” May explained. “You guys aren’t exactly discreet.”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter blushed. That was true. “Well, what did you say?”</p><p>“I told him the truth. Tony’s a great guy, and I trust you,” May’s eyes became watery, “and that you’re 18 now. Moving on in the world.”</p><p>Peter gave his aunt a sympathetic smile.</p><p>“I told him I had my concerns, but that there was nothing to worry about.”</p><p>“What’s it even matter to him anyway?”</p><p>“It wasn’t like that. He wasn’t angry. He was curious since the last time he saw you both, Tony said he was a friend. To be honest with you, Peter, it’s completely normal, and you better get used to it because people are going to ask questions whether it’s their business or not. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess,” Peter allowed.</p><p>It was a bit difficult to see the situation from others’ eyes since the age difference didn’t bother him at all, but it was an issue for everyone else. It was still frustrating having to humour everyone’s concerns. May had come around, and when he’d told Mr. Delmar about the relationship, he’d been somewhat congratulatory, and everyone else he knew seemed fine with it. He knew Mr. Jones didn’t mean any harm, but he had a reflex to defend Tony no matter what.</p><p>“You’re right,” Peter continued. “Thanks for being on my side.”</p><p>May smiled and patted his leg. “Always.”</p><p> </p><p>Peter turned to Tony after his conversation with May was over and gave his hand a squeeze under the table.</p><p>“So how much of that did you hear?” Peter teased.</p><p>“Oh, just about all of it.”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows. “And?”</p><p>“And nothing,” Tony said.</p><p>“Don’t you have any thoughts?”</p><p>“Two, actually,” Tony explained. “First being that I’m glad you invited me. Second being that I need to get May a kickass present for being so supportive.”</p><p>Peter smirked. “I know the perfect present.”</p><p>“Tell me.”</p><p>“The photo of us.”</p><p>“Are you sure that wouldn’t be in poor taste?” Tony wondered. “It's a regift, technically. And, wouldn’t it be rubbing it in that we’re together?”</p><p>“Aunt May loves photos of me,” Peter explained. “I bet she’ll cry.”</p><p>“You bet? How much?” Tony’s eyes twinkled.</p><p>“If I win, you can’t make fun of the couch anymore,” Peter challenged.</p><p>Tony winced. “Fine. If she doesn’t cry, and I win? What do I get?”</p><p>“You can furnish the entire apartment.”</p><p>“You play dirty,” Tony accused.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>It was surreal when the adults left, and Ned, MJ, and Peter didn’t have to go with them. It felt almost wrong, like getting forgotten at the store, or something.</p><p>May was teary eyed—some new tears and some leftover from receiving the photo—and told Peter to call for absolutely anything at all, and that if he needed money, she would do her best to help. She hugged him, Ned, MJ, and then Tony briefly before she left for good.</p><p>Peter grinned when he noticed Tony’s eyes looking a little watery after the hug. He was cheeky and asked Tony if he was happy at being hugged or if he was crying because the plaid couch was there to stay.</p><p>“Both,” Tony replied.</p><p>He hung around for a few minutes, and then he left too so the teenagers could have their evening of fun alone.</p><p> </p><p>It took less than ten minutes for them to look around each other and burst into a fit of laughter. After another few minutes they declared that they were bored.</p><p>“Okay, would you guys kill me if I said I wanted to leave and go to Tony’s?”</p><p>Peter wondered if he could catch Tony before he got too far away. Even if he couldn’t, he would take the subway.</p><p>“Thank God.” Ned put a hand to his heart. “I wanted to have Betty over, but I didn’t know if we were like doing the ‘just us’ thing.”</p><p>MJ grinned. “We’re in agreement then. Liz wants me to come see her dorm.”</p><p>Ned blanched. “You guys mean…Betty and me…we’re gonna have the whole place to ourselves?”</p><p>Peter laughed. “Not the <em>whole </em>place.”</p><p>“Exactly. This would be a great time to talk about some ground rules.” MJ said seriously.</p><p>“I got us covered,” Ned explained. “I’ve already prepared a chore chart and a list if not-cool rules. I’ll email you copies and post one on the fridge, too.”</p><p>“Give me the SparkNotes,” MJ requested.</p><p>Peter turned to Ned to hear what he’d come up with.</p><p>“In general, let’s just try to keep this place looking top notch. No letting dishes soak for a few days…no leaving your stuff around in the living room. and please for the love of God, let’s make sure to use coasters.”</p><p>“Done,” MJ agreed. “I say nothing except cuddling or holding hands in common areas. If you’re going to get it on, do it in your own room and keep it down. I’m looking at you, Peter.”</p><p>Peter frowned. If he was worried about anyone abusing the common areas, it was MJ.</p><p>“No eating each other’s food,” Ned added. “Unless we specifically say it’s up for grabs.”</p><p>“Are we still cool with me getting one bathroom, and you two sharing the other?” MJ inclined her head. “I want to double check before I set the rest of my shit up.”</p><p>“That’s totally cool with me,” Peter agreed. “We have a Star Wars shower curtain we want to put up, anyway.”</p><p>“I don’t care about that, I just don’t want to fall into the toilet when you two leave the seat up.”</p><p>“That’s fair.”</p><p>MJ nodded appreciatively. “Thanks for being cool, bros.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “Oh, and let’s keep our school schedules posted on the fridge or something so we have a rough idea of where we all are and when.”</p><p>MJ huffed. “It’s a bit stalkery, but I can dig it.”</p><p>“Good idea, Peter,” Ned complimented.</p><p>“Thanks,” Peter offered. “I hear all the time about how friends who start living together end up falling out, and I don’t want that to happen to us. If we set up our rules now and stick to them, we should be solid.”</p><p>“Exactly,” MJ added, “and I don’t see any of us making any friends other than us…but if we bring anybody home to chill out, we should give a heads up so we don’t come in expecting to be alone and get a surprise.”</p><p>“Totally. I’m sure there’s more stuff, but we’ll think of it as it happens,” Peter said.</p><p>“Excellent,” Ned declared. “First night in our own place, and we’re killing it. This is so frickin’ awesome!”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I know you just left, but is there any chance<br/>
at all that you’re still in the area???</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There’s a 100% chance I am.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was hoping I could sleep at your place.</em>
</p><p>
  <em><br/>
Finally, we don’t have a curfew, and<br/>
May’s not waiting for me to come home.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You know?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I was hoping you might say that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You were? :)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How long do I have before you get here?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Considering I never left my parking spot,<br/>
you have as long as it takes you to get down here.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter brushed his teeth, made sure he reapplied some deodorant, haphazardly packed a bag, said a quick goodbye to his friends, and raced to the elevator. He didn’t want to keep Tony waiting any longer.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been waiting this whole time?” Peter asked. “It’s been like half an hour.”</p><p>“I got a phone call,” Tony explained, “and then I thought I might as well check my email, and then I may or may not have been considering crashing your ‘friends only’ party. This is a much better turn of events, I think.”</p><p>“Me, too,” Peter agreed. “Once again, we were on the same page.”</p><p>“So, where to, Mr. Parker?” Tony asked. “Dinner, movie, round two of bowling? I’m at your service.”</p><p>“Actually,” Peter blushed, “I was thinking we’d go straight to your place. You know, see where the night takes us.”</p><p>“Oh.” Tony raised his eyebrows. “Well, then.”</p><p>“Yeah. If that’s okay.”</p><p>“More than.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Connection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter and Tony become more physically intimate.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning for scenes of explicit sexual content. Specifics will be in *end notes*.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter went straight to Tony’s bedroom when they arrived. He set his bag next to the bathroom door. There was no point in pretending they wouldn’t be sharing the bed and bathroom. They were a little past that.</p><p>He hesitated near his bag and glanced at the bed. He’d gotten this far, but he didn’t actually know how far he wanted to go with his plan. All he knew was that he wanted to do something more than kissing for once. How to be seductive or enticing, though? How to voice his desires and expectations without sounding awkward and virginal?</p><p>Tony stood nearby, probably waiting for him to say something. Peter didn’t know what to say. How to ask for <em>more. </em>He considered suggesting that they watch a movie so that he could have more time to work up the nerve. It would’ve been easier to let it happen naturally over the course of the evening, but he was tired of waiting. He wanted Tony now.</p><p>“I’m sorry I’m not sexy,” Peter blurted.</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>“Like, you know how some people just have that way about them? Like—like you,” Peter said. “You’re so sure of yourself. You know what you’re doing. You know what you want. You’re just standing there, and you’re…sexy,” Peter explained lamely. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”</p><p>Peter wanted to die. The brain to mouth filter was obviously out of commission for the day.</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. “How do you figure you’re not sexy?”</p><p>“Are you kidding? Everyone always says confidence is what’s attractive and, and I know I’m not confident, ergo… ”</p><p>Tony chuckled. “You know what else is sexy? Being yourself.”</p><p>
  <em>Sounds fake, but okay.</em>
</p><p>“It might take you ten minutes of rambling and a metric ton of blushing and apologizing, but you always say what you need to say. Confident? Maybe not. Brave? Most definitely.”</p><p>Peter frowned. “So, it doesn’t bother you that I’m insecure?”</p><p>“No, it does,” Tony disagreed, “because I want you to be happy. I want you to see what I see.”</p><p>Tony continued, “but, I also don’t want you to pretend for me. If you’re not there yet, don’t act like you are. Own it.”</p><p>“I’m not the perfect person you thought I was, but hey, you still like me. See how that works? You like that I’m real, and to tell you the truth, you’re one of very few people who even <em>knows </em>me.”</p><p>“Yeah, that makes sense,” Peter admitted.</p><p>“So,” Tony added. “You’re in my bedroom, and you’re thinking about how sexy I am.” He waggled his eyebrows. “I’m thinking about how sexy you are. What exactly are we planning on doing about this?”</p><p>Peter licked his lips while he considered how to best answer the question. “All I know is that I’m tired of just kissing. I mean, obviously it’s great. I love it. I love you, but. You know what I mean, right?”</p><p>“I understand.”</p><p>Peter nodded gratefully, “All right. I don’t know how to start. Maybe I should’ve waited until we got here a little more smoothly, but I don’t want to waste anymore time.”</p><p>“Sorry, what were you saying about not being sexy?” Tony smirked. “You’re so bold.”</p><p>Peter blushed. “So, like. Can we pick up our conversation from last time? You know, just to like set the mood or whatever? I don’t know.”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Tony agreed. “Do you have more questions?”</p><p>“Sort of,” Peter hesitated. “You probably have some preferences…or like, things that other people did that you liked, and I—”</p><p>“Don’t do that to yourself, Pete. Those people don’t matter.”</p><p>“I know, but I want to be good for you. All I know how to do is jack off, barely,” Peter huffed. “I want to try things, but I don’t want to be more awkward than I already am and screw it up.”</p><p>“Sex is a skill like anything else. You’ll learn, and I’m going to be here with you the whole way. If you do something I don’t like, I’ll tell you, and we can talk about it. If I do something you don’t like, same goes.”</p><p>Peter was slightly reassured, but he didn’t want to do anything that Tony didn’t like. Period. It would be humiliating no matter how nice Tony was about it.</p><p>“How do you know you won’t be the best I’ve ever had?” Tony asked. “And, how do you know I’m any good? I could be selfish. You know, maybe I lie back and let you do all the work. Maybe I don’t reciprocate. Maybe I rush prep and hurt you. There’s two parts to this equation, Pete.”</p><p>“Are you like that?”</p><p>“No,” Tony admitted, “but the point is that I could be, and you’re not even considering it.”</p><p>“I don’t even know what I’m like.”</p><p>“You will, and then I’ll know, and then we can work with what we got. You underestimate my willingness to make sure things between us are the best they can be, and really, that’s the most important factor.”</p><p>“Aren’t you tired of giving me all this advice? Isn’t it annoying?”</p><p>“Nah, I’m enjoying it while it lasts, to be honest. You’re already way smarter than me, and way cuter. Pretty soon, you’ll be bringing out whips and chains, and I’ll be the one who can’t keep up with you.”</p><p>“I don’t know about that.”</p><p>“Agree to disagree.”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Okay, so can I ask you for things?”</p><p>“Anything,” Tony assured. “The worse thing that can happen is I say no, and we try something else.”</p><p>Peter took a breath to steady himself. “I want to see you.”</p><p>“You’re looking at me right now.” Tony smirked.</p><p>“No. I mean…you know what I mean.”</p><p>“You want me to get naked for you?”</p><p>“You don’t have to, but I would really like it if you did,” Peter said.</p><p>“You got me feeling shy all of a sudden,” Tony joked.</p><p>“You don’t have to… I just—I just thought maybe it would help me. You know, if I saw your body. Then, I don’t know, it would make me a feel a little better about showing mine. Actually, I don’t know, maybe it’ll make me feel worse. I don’t really care, though, to be honest. I’ve been wanting to see you naked for a long time.”</p><p>“Quit worrying, baby. I’ll take off my clothes for you any day.”</p><p>Peter watched hungrily while Tony removed his shirt. Before he could move on to the pants, Peter reached his hand out to touch Tony’s chest. He traced the dips of his collarbones and the divot running down the centre of his chest. He felt the curve of each pec and the ridges of his muscles all the way down to his hips. He could see Tony’s skin erupting into goosebumps under his fingertips, and it made him want to touch more.</p><p>“You’re so beautiful, Tony,” Peter mused. “It’s not fair.”</p><p>“Hey,” Tony breathed. He put his fingers under Peter’s chin and lifted his head up. “Remember, I’m the lucky one here.”</p><p>Peter shook his head.</p><p>“You’re beautiful, Pete. One day I’ll see the rest of your body, and it’s going to rock my world. Until then, you can look at me.”</p><p>With that, Tony hooked his hands into the waist of his pants and slid them down his legs.</p><p>Peter couldn’t look away even though he was nervous. Tony was standing before him in nothing but his underwear, and he was all his.</p><p>Peter stepped forward and walked around Tony to get a full view. He touched his back the same way he’d touched his chest and pressed his lips in the middle of his shoulder blades before wrapping his arms around Tony and hugging him from behind. He rested his face against Tony’s skin and listened to him breathe, hyperaware of how the curve of his ass was making his own body curve around him.</p><p>“What do you want me to do now?” Tony wondered.</p><p>“Can we get in the bed?’</p><p>“Absolutely.”</p><p>Peter crawled into the bed after Tony and settled next to him. He kept one hand splayed across Tony’s chest while he thought of what he could possibly want next.</p><p>“What’s on your mind?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter admitted. “I want more, but I’m scared.”</p><p>“What are you scared of?”</p><p>“Everything. What I look like, if I do something wrong…I don’t know.”</p><p>“I can already tell you that what you look like is an advantage. What else?”</p><p>“I know you think I look good, and I know you want me, but I’m not that brave.”</p><p>“Yet.”</p><p>“And what if I’m too small? In <em>other </em>areas.”</p><p>“Take my word for it. You’re not.”</p><p>“But—”</p><p>“Peter, you get hard when I even move near you. I’ve seen outlines. Felt said outlines. Trust me.”</p><p>Peter hid his face in Tony’s armpit and was grateful that Tony let him. Tony didn’t have to come for his entire life like that. How exposing.</p><p>“What else?”</p><p>“Doing something wrong,” Peter repeated. “Like what if I try to get you off, and I can’t?”</p><p>“Pete, you’re a virgin, and it’s not a bad thing or a good thing. It’s just a thing. It’s impossible for you to disappoint me.”</p><p>“What if—”</p><p>“Relax, baby,” Tony soothed. “I’ll teach you what I like, and you can find out what you like. When it happens, it happens, and maybe there’ll be a few speedbumps, but nothing we can’t work through.”</p><p>“Well, what kind of things do you like?”</p><p>“I like it all,” Tony replied. “Fast, slow, standing up, lying down…I’m easy.”</p><p>“Maybe you can show me,” Peter urged.</p><p>“Show you?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter said. “I want to see the rest of your body. Everything.”</p><p>“I already told you I’d get naked for you. Say the word.”</p><p>“Please?” Peter pressed.</p><p>Tony pushed the blankets down, and Peter held his breath while he waited for the underwear to disappear.</p><p>Tony glanced at him once before he went for it. Peter wasn’t changing his mind. He’d wanted to see Tony’s dick for months now. He’d felt it against him and saw some outlines of his own, but seeing it would be a different story.</p><p>Peter’s mouth watered when Tony shifted his boxers down and pulled his cock out. He didn’t even know how to respond. His first instinct was to reach out and grab it, but he held back.</p><p>“Wow,” Peter breathed. “I—Wow.”</p><p>Tony let go of his dick, and Peter nearly whined when it fell back onto his stomach. Peter knew he wasn’t completely hard, but he was almost there, and it still looked big.</p><p>“You’re sweet,” Tony said.</p><p>“I don’t know what to say,” Peter admitted.</p><p>“Do you want to touch it?”</p><p>Peter knew it probably wasn’t a big deal because he’d held his own dick before. Really, how different could it be? But it was <em>so </em>different. This dick was attached to a different person. Attached to Tony who had preferences and experience. What would Peter even be able to do with something like Tony’s cock with his meager hands.</p><p>“Touch yourself,” Peter blurted.</p><p>“I mean. Um, I want to see you do it. How you do it. Please.”</p><p>Tony groaned. “Fuck, you’re going to be a bossy one. I can already tell.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“No,” Tony said. “Don’t apologize. I like when you tell me what you want.”</p><p>“O-okay,” Peter allowed. “I don’t want to, um, do anything? Maybe, but I do want to watch. I want to see how you do it. Then I’ll know how.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes widened when Tony took his cock back into his hand. Tony must not have been lying about how much he enjoyed Peter telling him what to do because he looked fully hard now.</p><p>Peter swallowed while he stared. “Wow.”</p><p>“Yeah, you keep saying that,” Tony teased.</p><p>Tony stroked himself lazily a few times. “How not involved do you want to be?” He wondered.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Peter blinked.</p><p>“Where do you want to touch? Do you want me to talk to you, describe what I’m doing?”</p><p>“Um, maybe just do it like I’m not here. I might want to touch you, though. I don’t know.”</p><p>“I’m happy with anything, but fair warning. If you touch me I’ll probably blow my load and ruin the fun.”</p><p>“Ugnh,” Peter grunted. “I—I don’t know. I can’t even think about anything right now. I just want you to start.”</p><p>“You got it.”</p><p>Peter forgot how to blink while he watched Tony stroke himself. He was pressed right up against Tony’s left side, so that arm was out of commission. Peter’s instinct was telling him to help Tony out and play with his balls, or suck on his nipple. Anything, so he wasn’t lying there uselessly—although he’d elected to do that. His own dick was hard, and he knew Tony could probably feel it against his leg, but when he tried to shift and hide it, the man just tightened his hold and brought him closer. Peter’s breath caught in his throat when his dick pressed even more firmly to Tony’s legs.</p><p>“How does it feel?” Peter wondered.</p><p>“Good,” Tony breathed.</p><p>Peter enjoyed watching Tony’s various muscles twitch and flex while he went at it. He watched in fascination when Tony adjusted his thumb across the head of his cock to bring down the dribble of precome to his shaft. The more Peter watched Tony pleasure himself, the more he wanted to join in on the fun. He wanted to help Tony get off.</p><p>Peter got up on his knees, so he had better access to the parts of Tony’s body he wanted to touch. He leaned over Tony’s face and kissed him on the lips. It was made even hotter because Tony’s body was rocking with the motion of him jerking himself off, so it was hard to catch his lips at the right time. Peter went with a move that had gotten him a great reaction before, and he sucked on Tony’s ear. Tony didn’t disappoint and let out a heavy sigh.</p><p>Peter could feel his dick throbbing between his legs, and it made him look at Tony’s in envy. He was really going for it now, and Peter remembered he was supposed to be observing to learn. He was having too much fun kissing Tony and patiently waiting for him to come to really process the exact movements of Tony’s hand. He licked his lips at the sight of the pink head moving in and out of Tony’s fist. He reached his arm across Tony’s body to pull off his hand, and Tony’s mouth popped open while he tracked his movements. Peter tried not to lose his nerve while he brought Tony’s hand up to his mouth and spit in the palm of his hand.</p><p>“Fuck,” Tony panted. “That’s so fucking hot.”</p><p>Peter didn’t say anything, but just kept staring while Tony brought his hand back to his cock. Watching his own spit slick the way for Tony made him ache.</p><p>“Do you come a lot?” Peter asked without looking at Tony’s face. He was scared to look away and miss anything.</p><p>Tony squeezed himself and slowed his pace.</p><p>Peter looked at Tony to repeat his question, and he was greeted by the absolute masterpiece of Tony’s face. His lips were extra plump from all the biting and kissing, and his cheeks had the pink tinge that Peter so rarely got to see. He felt better about turning away from the action when he realized the better show was happening above the waist.</p><p>Tony looked at him almost ferally when he caught his eye and just nodded at him to answer his question.</p><p>Peter could feel that small nod manifest in a tingle all the way down from his neck to his balls. Tony came a lot…He wanted to see. He descended on the man’s mouth and licked past his lips to urge him on. He sucked on his tongue, and Tony did nothing but lie there and take it.</p><p>Peter could hear Tony’s breathing become more erratic, and he could feel his body shake while he picked up the pace, and he knew it wouldn’t be long.</p><p>“You’re so hot, Tony,” Peter spoke right into his ear. While he was there, he sucked the lobe again, and he got more than an exhale then. Tony moaned his name, and his body tensed, and Peter turned just in time to watch Tony come across his chest.</p><p>“Fuck,” Tony sighed before his body went lax.</p><p>Peter had enough fuel for his spank bank for several lifetimes after witnessing that. He’d thought Tony doing push-ups was hot, but this was like nothing he’d ever seen. If he’d given himself a little more friction, he knew he could’ve come with Tony, and it was a comforting thought to know he wasn’t broken and could be turned on and in the moment. It turned out Tony was the key. Watching Tony get off was better than any porn he’d watched or fantasy he’d created. It was perfect.</p><p>Peter kissed Tony’s lips once and smiled to himself. Tony had his eyes closed and looked absolutely spent. He continued to kiss down to Tony’s chin, and then down his neck, and then he licked along the line of his collarbone. He knew he’d gotten a taste of Tony’s come because the skin was wet and tasted like a different kind of salt than sweat. He decided it would’ve been a crime to stop there, and he continued licking and kissing all the way down Tony’s chest until he got to another stripe.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Tony asked in the most wrecked tone of voice Peter had ever heard.</p><p>“I’m cleaning you up,” Peter explained.</p><p>Tony put his hands over his eyes and inhaled sharply before getting up on his elbows so he could enjoy the view.</p><p>Peter hesitated, unsure if he should continue.</p><p>“Do you—”</p><p>“You’re such a good boy,” Tony complimented. “Keep going.”</p><p>Peter could’ve dropped dead on the spot it was so overwhelming. He didn’t stop again and continued his work until he got to Tony’s softening dick. He pushed it aside carefully and licked up the mess from where it had been leaking against his stomach.</p><p>“Jesus Christ, Peter. You have no idea,” Tony babbled. “You have no idea how perfect you are.”</p><p>Peter ignored him and reached to his feet where his boxers were crumpled. He slipped them on and dragged them all the way back up Tony’s legs until he was no longer naked, and then he took his position at Tony’s side again. He slung his arm across his chest and snuggled as close as he could.</p><p>Tony wrapped an arm around him. “Was that okay?”</p><p>Peter nodded dumbly. “It was amazing. I can still see it. That was like, the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”</p><p>“Um, that’s my line,” Tony argued.</p><p>Peter laughed. “So was it okay for you?”</p><p>“You knocked it out of the park, baby.”</p><p>“With my last name…I guess we shouldn’t be surprised,” Peter teased.</p><p>“So are we taking care of you?” Tony said, “Because I wasn’t kidding about not being selfish. I would love to blow you, but if that’s not on the menu, whatever you’re down with. Tell me what I can do.”</p><p>Peter considered it. “I…Maybe a rain check?”</p><p>“Do you want to get yourself off?” Tony asked. “I won’t even look. I’ll kiss you the whole time. We can do whatever.”</p><p>Peter felt a little guilty turning Tony down because he sounded so adamant about continuing things, but he didn’t know if he could be so vulnerable. Nobody had ever seen his dick before, not even by accident in the locker room. He felt comfortable with Tony and trusted him completely, but he wanted to take it slow. He wanted a chance to process what had just happened, but maybe if he didn’t stop to think that would be better. Maybe he could let his dick have control for a while and let his brain take the backseat.<br/>
<br/>
“I—I don’t know,” Peter said.</p><p>“Okay,” Tony said. “That’s fine, but if you change your mind, make sure I’m the first to know. I will honour your rain check indefinitely. I would never leave you hanging.”</p><p>“Okay, thank you. Sorry.”</p><p>“No apology necessary,” Tony assured. “Let me tell you, though. I imagined that going a lot of ways, and you passed all expectations. Like, if your presence makes jacking off that good, I can’t even imagine what’s going to happen when we go even further, and you cleaning me up after? Holy shit, I’m gonna be thinking about that for a long damn time, Pete. See, you even got me rambling, it was so good.”</p><p>Peter blushed. “So you really liked it?”</p><p>“I loved it. I could go again, and that’s saying something for my age.”</p><p>Peter’s neglected dick throbbed again, and he wondered if he was being silly for passing the opportunity up. He felt proud that Tony was so turned on by him, and that was probably the best encouragement he could ask for.</p><p>“Well,” Peter started. “Let’s just lie here for a bit. Maybe I’ll be ready for more later or another time. That was kind of a lot.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony breathed. “For sure.”</p><p>Peter kissed the closest spot of Tony’s skin to his mouth and smiled.</p><p>“You know I love you, right?” Tony asked.</p><p>“That’s my line,” Peter said.</p><p>Peter registered himself falling asleep, but he was too comfortable and warm to resist it.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Peter woke up later, he was disoriented for only a moment before he remembered where he was and who with, and what had happened. The memories gave him a second wind, and his eyes flashed to Tony to see if he was awake too.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” Tony wondered.</p><p>“No,” Peter said. He definitely wasn’t hungry. He was horny.</p><p>He adjusted his position, so he could access Tony’s mouth. He kissed him lazily, taking his time to appreciate each swipe of Tony’s tongue against his and to enjoy the feeling of being held.</p><p>Tony backed off after a moment. “Are you sure you have to go to college? Can’t you just stay here and be my kept boy until I die?”</p><p>“It’s tempting, but I’ve gotta work hard, then I’ll have enough money to make you my kept man. Hashtag goals,” Peter teased.</p><p>“I have no problems with that.”</p><p>“Can we pick up where we left off?” Peter wondered. “I’m kind of having second thoughts about not participating.”</p><p>“What do you want?” Tony asked.</p><p>“I want to make out more and see what happens. Like, try stuff with no pressure? Obviously that’s a given. I know you’d never pressure me, but like no expectations for an ending? If that makes sense?”</p><p>“Perfect sense,” Tony agreed. “I’m at your service.”</p><p>“I know,” Peter realized. “Let’s turn off the lights. That would help.”</p><p>Tony flew out of the bed so fast he almost tripped on his way to the light switch.</p><p>Peter snorted, and as soon as the light was out, he palmed himself to test just how far gone he was. Despite his nervousness, he knew if Tony even grazed him he’d come.</p><p>He felt Tony get back onto the bed, and his skin came alive. Everything seemed more sensual in the dark. He could hear Tony’s breath and feel his approaching heat, but he couldn’t see his expression.</p><p>He slipped off his shirt and tossed it aside, and considered losing the jogging pants too, but he decided to keep them on.</p><p>When Tony reached his hands out to feel where he was, he touched his bare skin, and Peter couldn’t help but shiver. He couldn’t believe this was finally happening.</p><p>“You took your shirt off.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter confirmed.</p><p>“I think I might die,” Tony said. “I feel like a teenager again. Like I could bust at anything.”</p><p>“Do it,” Peter suggested. “You’re in the proper company.”</p><p>Tony laughed and settled his hands on his shoulders. “Where can I touch?”</p><p>“Anywhere you want except, you know, there.”</p><p>“Got it.” Tony slowly brought his hands in from Peter’s shoulders to rest on his chest. His fingers travelled a few centimetres, and then he was running them over Peter’s nipples.</p><p>“Ohh,” Peter hissed.</p><p>“Good or bad?”</p><p>“Amazing.”</p><p>Tony took the feedback. He left his fingers pinching one of Peter’s nipples and brought his mouth to the opposite one and sucked.</p><p>Peter jerked forward and felt an obscene amount of precome leak out of him.</p><p>Tony sucked harder, and then moved his mouth down to Peter’s ribs and trailed kisses all the way down to the waist of his pants, and then he brought it back up to give the other nipple a chance.</p><p>“That feels so good,” Peter gasped.</p><p>“Do you want me to see if I can make you come from this?”</p><p>Peter appreciated that Tony didn’t assume anything; he wouldn’t want him to be so sure that he could do it only to fail because he got in his head and couldn’t perform. Peter knew he was close, but wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to go ahead with anything and come. It was better in the dark because he didn’t have to worry about looking gross, but maybe his noises would be off-putting, or maybe Tony would try to taste him and find him revolting. But on the other hand, Tony wanted him. Wanted to touch him and be with him. He was tired of digging his heels in and resisting.</p><p>“Yes,” Peter decided. “I don’t know if I can, but—”</p><p>“Don’t worry about anything,” Tony encouraged. “We’re fooling around. Exploring. It’s supposed to be fun.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter breathed. He smiled when Tony’s mouth returned to his chest. “You know, all this time, I thought you were my boyfriend, and now I find out we’re just fooling around.” He was making fun of himself for being so silly on the retreat, and he hoped Tony got the joke.</p><p>“Don’t even start with me, Peter.” Tony laughed. “You know damn well what you are to me.”</p><p>“A hot piece.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s not fair,” Tony admitted. “That’s partially true.”</p><p>Peter scoffed in the darkness and let himself fall back on the pillows. Tony wasn’t far behind, and Peter gasped when the man’s weight was suddenly on top of him. It felt safe to be under Tony like that, to feel the weight, and he was always so goddamn warm.</p><p>Tony brought their mouths together again and stopped almost immediately. “You taste like me.”</p><p>Peter’s already red cheeks became even more heated at the implication that Tony could taste his own come in his mouth.</p><p>Peter didn’t have time to think if Tony was upset or not because then he was kissing him again. He responded to it with his entire body and wrapped his arms around Tony to pull him down further. Tony’s dick was hard again, and Peter could feel it pressing against his own, and he didn’t think before bucking up.</p><p>“You’re so good for me,” Tony encouraged. He ground his hips down against Peter’s and moved his mouth back to suck at his nipples once more.</p><p>The friction against his dick coupled with the sensation of Tony’s tongue and teeth on his nipples put him over the edge. Peter came with a cry against Tony’s body, and the man didn’t stop sucking and biting at his skin. How long he’d been holding out combined with Tony’s relentless mouth made it the best orgasm he’d ever had. His cry turned into a guttural moan when it just didn’t end, and Tony chased it down with his tongue.</p><p>“I got you, Pete,” Tony soothed.</p><p>Peter’s body went limp under Tony, and the haze of coming faded, and he could feel the uncomfortable wetness in his boxers.</p><p>“Tony,” Peter breathed. “That—that was. Unhh.”</p><p>“Incredible is what it was,” Tony supplied.</p><p>“Mmm.”</p><p>Tony kissed him again, and Peter could feel how hard he still was. Peter was too sensitive to push against Tony again and help him come. Peter figured he could do one better with how euphoric he felt. He had no fear when he reached into Tony’s boxers and wrapped his hand around his cock.</p><p>“Shit,” Tony hissed. He thrust into Peter’s fist a few times before spilling all over his hand.</p><p>Peter was dizzy with content, and he could sense Tony felt the same. Tony kissed him slowly while his thrusts weakened, and Peter could still feel his dick pulsing in his grip.</p><p>“You’re so perfect,” Tony complimented.</p><p>“That’s you.”</p><p>Peter removed his hand from Tony’s cock when he felt him shudder. It was nice to be able to know that Tony was done being touched. It made him secure to pick up on Tony’s cues, and it made him feel like he was connected with him. Like he could give Tony what he wanted.</p><p>Tony sucked on Peter’s nipple again, and he was so sensitive he jerked off the bed. “Ahhh,” Peter whined.</p><p>Tony relented and pulled off completely. He settled next to Peter.</p><p>Peter grinned when he felt Tony’s hand pat his body and the space next to him a few times. “Looking for something?”</p><p>“Yeah, your hand.”</p><p>Peter found Tony’s hand and held it.</p><p>“So what now?” Tony asked. “I’m wide awake.</p><p>“Same.”</p><p>“This would be the part where we shower together,” Tony suggested. “If you’re interested.”</p><p>“Um,” Peter hesitated. “Yeah. Um. I guess, but—”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Tony said. “Another time. I want you to be sure.”</p><p>“Thanks, Tony. I want to, but small steps.”</p><p>“How about this. I’m going to turn on the lamp now so you can make your way to the bathroom.</p><p>“What are you gonna do?”</p><p>“I’ll go use the guest bathroom.”</p><p>“I can take that one it’s okay.”</p><p>“Pete, no. You take mine.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed.</p><p>“Always such a good boy.”</p><p>Tony clicked the lamp on, and Peter blinked a few times to get used to the light.</p><p>Peter frowned when Tony was still facing away.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Peter asked.</p><p>“I’m not looking,” Tony said. “You said—”</p><p>“Oh, I meant in the shower, like naked naked. You can look at me like this.” Peter figured this was safe. Tony had seen him eat his jizz in plain light, and he’d let the man fuck his fist, and kiss his bare chest. He might as well see the mess he’d made.</p><p>“Thank fuck.” Tony turned immediately.</p><p>Peter still felt shy, but he also felt brave. He looked down at himself to see what Tony was seeing and inhaled sharply when he saw how marked up the skin around his nipples was.</p><p>Tony reached out and touched the swollen skin.</p><p>Peter’s body tightened and he felt his dick give an interested twitch. He met Tony’s eyes to see his expression and yelped when he pounced and started kissing him again.</p><p>“I never want to hear you say you’re not sexy again,” Tony growled.</p><p>Peter giggled when Tony moved his mouth down to his ticklish neck. His lingering shyness went up in smoke in the face of another compliment from Tony. He’d torn down enough of his walls that the words of encouragement were actually getting through to him. It was odd to realize that he was desirable and attractive and good.</p><p>“I can’t make any promises,” Peter admitted, “but I’ll try not to.”</p><p>“Good,” Tony said. “So is it still a no on the shared shower because I’m kind of a slut for aftercare. I’d love to wash you up and worship your body some more.”</p><p>Even with everything that had just happened, that offering got to him the most. It was so sweet and caring, and so Tony.</p><p>“Not this time,” Peter said quietly, “but eventually. I would love that.”</p><p>“Okay,” Tony agreed. “Okay, go before your boxers crack in half, or before I get any ideas about round three.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “Before I go…I just have one question.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“How many calories do you think come is? I’m trying to keep my food log consistent.”</p><p>Peter left the room with a triumphant grin on his face that only got bigger when he could still hear Tony laughing when he closed the bathroom door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A summary of the sex scenes for anyone who wants to be prepared:</p><p>Tony jacks off while Peter watches.<br/>After Peter cleans Tony's chest up with his mouth, they take a break.<br/>When they resume, Peter suggests they turn the lights off to make it easier. Peter and Tony hump through their clothing. Peter comes from that alone, and to finish Tony off he lets him fuck his fist.</p><p>:) Also, I'm so sorry about the awful joke at the end of the chapter. I've been waiting months to make it, and if I'm the only one that finds it funny, so be it. :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Solution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter starts college.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me: That's enough angst. Tony and Peter have been through enough...let them be happy</p><p>KyloRen!Me: MORE MOREEEE!!!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first week of school had been deceptively easy for Peter. There had been introductory activities, professors who shortened classes after doing nothing more than reviewing the course outlines, and no assigned homework.</p><p>Peter had been slightly intimidated at having the next eight months of his life spoken for based on assignment due dates, midterms, and final exams, but overall, he was excited. High school had been stressful but doable, and he anticipated having an even tighter schedule in college, but unfortunately, a breezy first week turned into a difficult second week, and then an impossible month. September was about to turn into October, and Peter felt like he was drowning. Not just in school but in all aspects of his life.</p><p>Peter had no developments to show for himself where his relationship with Tony was concerned. Their night in bed together was a distant memory; they’d continued working out on Fridays, but Peter hadn’t stayed over again, and they hadn’t done anything more than share the odd kiss.</p><p>He wanted to stay over, but his schedule was gruelling. Peter had classes nearly all day from Monday to Thursday. What little time he could spare in between classes or in the evenings was for studying and working on assignments. On Friday he had labs in the morning and afternoon, and evenings were for Tony. He worked early on Saturday and Sunday, and trying to fit in socializing, visits with May, cooking, grocery shopping, chores, and time for hobbies was a nightmare.</p><p>Because of the scholarship, he was also expected to attend a monthly meeting with a guidance counselor to make sure he was maintaining a suitable average. He’d also made a commitment to attend the support group meetings at Iron Fitness every Sunday, and he wanted to keep his word.</p><p>Living with his friends meant he wanted to hang out with them. Regardless of whether they were intentionally distracting him or not, they were around. Peter was used to it just being May and him, and most of the time he’d been alone in the apartment.</p><p>Peter loved his classes and found the subject matter fascinating. It was comforting to know that hadn’t changed, and he felt secure in the major he’d chosen, but it was a lot of work. He remembered feeling pressure in high school, but this was worse because getting a bad grade meant he could lose it all. Sure, he’d known to expect the increased difficulty, and he hadn’t been naïve enough to think it would be all smooth sailing, but it was one thing to anticipate difficulty, and another to actually be in rough waters.</p><p>The biggest disappointment was not being able to see Tony multiple times a week. They were down to Fridays only again, and on paper it worked, seemed like a good compromise—especially when they had FaceTime and texting to supplement their relationship—but Peter wanted more. He wanted it to be like it had in the summertime when all he had to worry about was work and getting home in time for curfew. Now, fitting in a couple hours to exercise and have dinner with Tony was tricky. The only way he could make everything work was by cutting back on sleep and severely restricting his freetime.</p><p>Making time for Tony wasn’t a chore; Peter was invested in the relationship and wanted to make sure he was putting his all into it. However, it quickly became clear that it would be impossible to do that and keep his grades up.</p><p>It was even more frustrating because he had been the one to say that he and Tony would be too busy to see each other. It was both terrifying and satisfying to have his worries come true. It was almost laughable that he’d been so worried about Tony dropping him that he hadn’t truly considered he might have to be the one to nix Fridays.</p><p>For Peter, moving out had meant that he would have more freedom—in general and within his relationship with Tony. They could sleep together, whether at his apartment or Tony’s, and they wouldn’t have to worry about May saying anything. Now he wasn’t even utilizing the opportunity. It was disappointing.</p><p>On top of it all, Peter was attempting to keep his weight loss on track, but it wasn’t easy when increased stress meant an increased appetite. His strongest concern was that he would gain his weight back, and it looked like it was going to happen whether he wanted it to or not. He simply didn’t have the time to train like he used to. When he was working full time, he got in exercise nearly every shift because he was already there and had to make no extra effort. Now he was down to part-time hours, so he was at the gym less, anyway, and the commute to Forest Hills wasn’t short which took more time away from him.</p><p>Then food started to become a problem—more than it already was. Not wanting to go grocery shopping or waste time cooking meant he turned to fast food more and more, and it wasn’t hard to justify. He was so busy, he had giftcards, he didn’t want to clean up a mess, he’d gotten all of his work done, he’d aced a test. He didn’t enjoy doing it, but at the same time, he did. Old habits started trying to rise from the grave, and it wouldn’t have necessarily been a problem if he’d kept within the limits of his calorie deficit or at least his maintenance values, but that wasn’t the case. He already felt like he was failing, and he was tempted to give in all the way. Stop fighting.</p><p>He’d been progressing with Tony, and he’d finally broken down some of his walls. He’d been been so close to being ready for complete physical intimacy. Now October had him regathering bricks like an idiot trying to build the walls back up. He didn’t want to admit he was struggling to Tony. He was supposed to be healing. He was supposed to be normal.</p><p>Peter had sworn to himself that he was done struggling with food, and to admit that wasn’t true and the struggle wasn’t over was a tough pill to swallow.</p><p>He felt like he was getting further away from the person he was at the beginning of September when he and Tony had taken the next step in their relationship. The idea that he’d let Tony touch his body and that Tony let himself be touched by him was starting to feel imaginary. He’d been so bold, and now he felt like he was regressing to the person he was when he had met Tony.</p><p>He couldn’t even reduce his hours at work because he needed the money for rent—another way he’d disappointed Tony. He couldn’t have just shut up and taken the stupid gift. He always had to be difficult. A part of him wished he would’ve just taken the apartment for free, but a bigger part of him was relieved he hadn’t. He would have felt like a parasite feeding off Tony if he had gone rent-free. It would’ve been one thing if he was handling school well, so he could feel like he deserved to accept Tony’s gesture, but he wasn’t.</p><p>It wasn’t hard to spiral. If he was struggling in his first year—first month—then how did he expect to make it to graduation? If he was having a hard time handling part-time hours, how was he going to deal with having a career? If he gained five pounds back in a few weeks, how long before he was back up to 240 or more?</p><p>How many rejected sleepovers would Tony tolerate before he found someone else? He could just picture Tony meeting someone new. Someone in his league. Someone who was ready and available. Somebody who wasn’t such a mess. Peter didn’t want that to happen, but he didn’t know how to stop it. Even before he’d been so busy, he’d been digging in his heels about sex, and now it wasn’t even just about not being ready. He didn’t have the time, and the longer he went without building on the progress he’d made with Tony, the more intimidating it felt to try and jump back into things.</p><p>Peter wanted to stop it before it got too out of control, and he knew he needed to go to Tony, or one of any of a dozen people he knew for help, but he wanted to be independent and fix the problem himself. He didn’t want to need help.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When it came time for another Friday night with Tony, Peter decided he couldn’t handle going through the motions of enjoying school and his newfound freedom anymore. He was tired of not being honest with Tony about how much everything was getting to him. It was time to call it and admit that he was having a tough time.</p><p>He’d considered turning to Ned or MJ, but they were both busy with their own stuff, and seemed to be handling things a lot better than he was. He wasn’t proud that he was embarrassed, but that was the truth. Why was he struggling more than they were after how well he’d done in high school? Peter was starting to believe his so-called genius might’ve been a fluke.</p><p>He’d also considered turning to May, but whenever he saw her, she always mentioned how proud she was, and he didn’t want to give her a reason not to be. He’d considered sharing at the support group, but he preferred to listen to others, and it was a place to discuss eating disorders, not pressures from school.</p><p>He’d wanted to save Tony the trouble of having to be there for him yet again, but it didn’t look like it was possible. He hoped that Tony wouldn’t just offer to waive rent or tell him he could quit Iron Fitness. That wasn’t what he wanted.</p><p>What Peter really wanted was to learn how to handle everything and how not to be struggling in the first place. He didn’t want a free pass.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter was nervous to see Tony, but he knew he had to tell him the truth about how he was feeling. In the past, whenever he’d felt like he was spiralling out of control, Tony always knew what to say. He needed advice, but even if Tony didn’t have any, and it turned out there was no solution for his problems—maybe he needed to tough it out and accept college was a lot of work—that would be fine. Just letting Tony in would allow him not to feel so alone.</p><p>Peter’s stomach rolled when Tony walked into the apartment. He was in a suit, obviously having just come from work, and he looked perfect. The opposite of everything Peter was.</p><p>“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Tony greeted. “I missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you too,” Peter replied despite his awful mood. It was still the truth.</p><p>Tony hadn’t asked questions about why he wanted to skip the gym and just have him over to talk, which Peter was grateful for, but he wasn’t sure he trusted the expression on Tony’s face. His smile seemed forced, and Peter tried to tell himself he was reading too much into it, but his capacity for self-soothing was pretty much zero.</p><p>Tony leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek, and it reminded Peter of everything they were missing out on. Everything he stood to lose if Tony decided he’d had enough of him.</p><p>Peter led them to his room. He knew it was a disaster, and it was embarrassing to have let his room descend into chaos anyway, but even more embarrassing to let Tony see it. He couldn’t bring himself to apologize and draw more attention to it.</p><p>Tony sat on the edge of the unmade bed and waited.</p><p>He moved closer to Tony, but he didn’t sit down next to him since he felt too keyed up. Peter felt like Tony could see right through him.</p><p>Tony reached out to hold his hand when he got close enough.</p><p>“Are you okay, Pete?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter shrugged. He bit his lip to keep it from quivering too noticeably.</p><p>“You’ve never wanted to skip a session with me. Something’s gotta be up.”</p><p>Peter shifted his weight. Tony could definitely see through him.</p><p>“You can tell me what’s going on. I can take it,” Tony pressed.</p><p>
  <em>But I can’t take it.</em>
</p><p>Peter let go of Tony’s hand so he could wipe the forming tears from his eyes. “I don’t know how to say it.”</p><p>“That’s okay. Take your time.”</p><p>Peter squeezed his eyes shut. It only made it worse that Tony was still so sweet to him.</p><p>“I feel so guilty,” Peter admitted.</p><p>Tony inclined his head. “Why?”</p><p>“You’re my boyfriend, not my therapist, and I don’t want to depend on you to make me feel better every time I’m like this,” Peter continued. “It’s not fair to you, and I <em>hate</em> that I take so much from you. I don’t care if you have a lot to give or not. You’ve done everything for me, and I don’t even compare, and it makes me so—so fucking angry that I’m like this. All the back and forth. One day I think I’m good. That I’ve got a handle on things, and then all of a sudden I’m back to this. I hate it.”</p><p>Peter looked away from Tony, so he didn’t have to see his expression. The rest of his words came out in a rush as he struggled to lay it all out on the line, to make Tony understand how much of a mess he was.</p><p>“Everything is so hard,” Peter cried. “I’m failing, and I don’t know what to do. I’m gaining weight. Ever since I moved here…I’ve been eating too much. First, I got takeout as a reward for a great first day, and then every time I passed a test, and then to celebrate the end of the week, and now? I don’t even have excuses. I just do it. Between school, and work, and trying to be a good friend, and visit May, and study, and diet, and exercise, and—and trying to be a good boyfriend to you. I can’t. I’m not cut out for this, Tony. I’m not. I let myself believe I could do it all, but I-I was an idiot for thinking I could do this.”</p><p>Tony didn’t say anything right away, so Peter turned back to face him. He expected to see annoyance on Tony’s face. Maybe anger at having to dish out another pep talk. If he wasn’t saying anything, maybe it was the end, and Tony was going to cut and run before he wasted anymore time. Peter was prepared to watch him leave. He didn’t expect Tony to have his head in his hands.</p><p>“H-hey, Tony. Are you okay?” He reached forward to put his hand on Tony’s shoulder.</p><p>Tony lifted his head, and Peter’s heart broke at the sight of Tony’s teary eyes. It was a harrowing feeling to realize that he was the cause. Peter ground his teeth while he waited for Tony to speak.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tony had been able to tell that Peter was pulling away from him. For the entire month, the rejected sleepovers went unmentioned, and Peter texted fairly regularly, but something about the tone had been different. Tony knew it wouldn’t be long before his worst fears came true, and Peter decided he was done. Whether because he found someone else, or because he realized he wanted something different, or because the relationship was too much. It was how it always went. Apparently, he wasn’t meant to have a relationship. He’d gotten his hopes up with Peter, and now he was about to be hurt again.</p><p>Peter had been nervous about the relationship, but whenever he’d had worries about anything, he’d been open and willing to talk. Tony had never seen him this closed off before. He’d never wanted to skip a workout, either. That wasn’t an inherently bad sign but getting invited over to “talk” sure was. It was the universal code for dropping a bomb—whether it be wanting to break up, or a serious issue that would ultimately lead to a breakup.</p><p>Tony gave himself some credit for not panicking and ending things before confirming Peter’s intentions. It would have been just his luck to assume the worst, break up with Peter first, and have it turn out to be a total misunderstanding. No matter what happened, at least he wouldn’t have hurt Peter for no reason.</p><p>Still, he’d been nervous enough about everything to call Rhodey to ask what he thought. Tony had expressed to his best friend that maybe he’d scared Peter off, rushed him into something. Maybe he’d gone overboard with the gifts. He’d made that joke about turning Peter into a kept boy. Putting too much pressure on him. Tony racked his brain for things he could’ve done to make Peter so distant.</p><p>Rhodey had reassured him and chided him for getting too deep in his head. He told him if he really wanted to know what was going on with Peter, he should just ask him, but Tony already felt like he’d been pushy enough. He didn’t want to catastrophize everything—maybe Peter was just busy, or maybe the honeymoon phase was over. Tony didn’t like any of the explanations he and Rhodey came up with. They all led him to the same conclusion. Peter was done with him.</p><p>Tony had thought it would be grossly satisfying to tell Rhodey he’d been right about it being the end of things when Peter opened with, “I feel guilty”. No good ever came from that as a starter.</p><p>Peter’s explanation for why he’d been so distant had gotten more unbearable to hear as it poured out of him in a jumble of words. By the end of Peter’s speech, Tony was ready to hit the bottle.</p><p>Peter said he couldn’t do this anymore. He was done with him.</p><p>Tony wanted to be strong and give him some advice. Even if it was as a friend. Tell him how he could manage his schedule better, tell him he was doing a good job, and this was an adjustment period, but his own feelings of inadequacy got the better of him. He thought he would be able to tough it out through the rejection and still be strong for Peter, but he couldn’t muster any positivity.</p><p>“I don’t know what to say,” Tony admitted. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Peter frowned.</p><p>“I knew I shouldn’t have wedged myself in your life like this. I knew it would cause problems for you, and I still did it. School should be fun, a good experience. Not this, what I’ve turned it into for you. You don’t need the extra responsibility of a relationship.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I pushed you too far too fast. I should’ve listened about all the gifts, and everything else.” Tony raised his eyebrows at the implications. “You’re done, and I understand. I don’t blame you for changing your mind.”</p><p>“I don’t—”</p><p>“Like I said, you can still stay here, and you can keep the job, and I won’t—”</p><p>“What? No, no, no.” Peter shook his head. “No, that’s not what I meant. Tony, please. I don’t want to break up.”</p><p>Tony frowned. “You don’t?”</p><p>That didn’t make sense. Peter had just said he couldn’t do it anymore. He’d just listed all of his other obligations in great detail. All of it added up to ending things. Peter didn’t have time for him. It was nobody’s fault, just the facts of life. Rhodey had moved to D.C. and met someone, Pepper and Happy were married, and Peter going onwards and upwards. Of course. He should’ve known, really. Peter had always been too good for him.</p><p>“No,” Peter cried. “How could you think—no, Tony, I meant I can’t do this,” Peter gestured vaguely around the room. “Not this,” he pointed to himself and then Tony.</p><p>“I want to do better, but I’m stuck. I need your help, but I hate that I have to keep asking. I thought I was getting better, and this month completely kicked my ass, and I want to see you more, and I can’t, and that’s the problem. Not that I don’t want to see you at all.”</p><p>“Oh.” Tony blinked.</p><p>Still, even if Peter didn’t want to break up, it didn’t change the fact that Tony was adding more onto his plate. Peter might be better off with everything if he had one less thing to worry about.</p><p>“That’s a relief,” Tony managed.</p><p>Peter looked panicked, and Tony imagined his expression didn’t look too different.</p><p>“But, you haven’t been talking to me.” Tony frowned. “It’s unlike you.”</p><p>“I wanted to try and be independent. Like you,” Peter explained. “I wanted to fix everything before it got out of control, but then it kept getting worse and worse. I couldn’t keep it from you anymore even if I was ashamed to have you see me like this. Again.”</p><p>Tony shook his head. He admired Peter’s efforts to be resilient and independent, and he knew exactly what that was like. It was odd to be on the other side of it for once.</p><p>“You think the best of me. You see me as this amazing person. This smart, capable person, and I was scared I would disappoint you. I’m not handling things well at all.”</p><p>“I—usually you tell me as soon as you have a worry, and you weren’t saying anything at all. I didn’t know what to think,” Tony admitted. “I thought the worst instead.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry you thought that—that I didn’t want you anymore. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I know how much that feeling hurts.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Tony said.</p><p>“No,” Peter argued, “it’s not.” He approached and stood between Tony’s legs with his hands on his shoulders.</p><p>Tony leaned forward into Peter’s stomach and rested his head there. Peter brought his hands to Tony’s hair and threaded his fingers through it to comfort him.</p><p>“This is what I’m talking about,” Peter said quietly. “I unload on you, and I hurt you, and it’s not fair. I don’t want to need your reassurance all the time. I don’t want you to think any of this is your fault. Like you rushed me or did something wrong. I’m so in love with you, and nothing is going to change that.”</p><p>Tony slipped his hands up the back of Peter’s shirt and rested his hands just above his waistband.</p><p>“I wish you would’ve come to me sooner, Pete. Before this got so out of hand.”</p><p>“Me too. I tried to handle this myself to save you the trouble, and I ended up worrying you anyway.”</p><p>“I should’ve asked you straight up,” Tony sighed. “I got in my head. Didn’t want to push you any more than I already had.”</p><p>“We both need to stop doing that,” Peter replied, “but especially me.”</p><p>Tony groaned and lied back on the bed while pulling Peter closer to him. Peter had no choice but to follow Tony’s movement, and he ended up lying on top of him. He rolled off quickly, but not out of Tony’s grasp.</p><p>“So, let’s fix this,” Tony said. “Let’s find a solution.”</p><p>“I don’t know if there is one. There’s no getting around that I’m ridiculously busy. Sure, maybe I could quit my job, and take you up on your offer for rent, but—”</p><p>“You don’t want a free pass. You want to solve the problem another way.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “Like, what would I be doing if you weren’t my boyfriend? I’d have no choice but to power through and find a way.”</p><p>“You’ve been doing that a lot longer than I’ve known you, so I’m sure we can think of something.”</p><p>“High school was so different,” Peter sighed. “I worked at Delmar’s, but only on Saturdays, and I didn’t have to pay rent, or make sure I was seeing you as much as I could. I didn’t have to be around my friends all the time and try not to be distracted. You know, I didn’t have to cook, or do chores, or grocery shop. I am so in over my head.”</p><p>“I suppose this is a bad time to mention that Rhodey wants to meet you and Pepper keeps bugging me for a double date.”</p><p>Peter exhaled. “A very bad time.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “Oh, and Harley keeps asking about you.”</p><p>“I know he texts me like every day. He has awful taste in memes.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “Right.”</p><p>“Karen wants us to go out with her and Jarvis too,” Peter added. “How do people have time for all these things?”</p><p>“Can you blame them for wanting to spend time with you? You’re the best.”</p><p>“I thought we were supposed to be working on a solution,” Peter deflected.</p><p>“Well, I have my own business, and I didn’t always have assistants and tons of employees to do my bidding,” Tony said while waggling his eyebrows mischievously. “When I want to be, I can be the master of time management.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “Between all the breakfast and dinner meetings, and driving to Queens to work out with an awkward, fat stranger for no reason?”</p><p>“Hey,” Tony said. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about. Watch your mouth.”</p><p>Peter snuggled closer to Tony. “I’m sorry you thought it was your fault I was pulling away.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Pete. Really.”</p><p>“I thought I was making progress, you know?” Peter huffed. “Not just because I was losing weight, but because my thinking was so good for a while. I got back on track after my birthday, and then we were—you know—and it was amazing, and I had zero regrets, and I genuinely wanted to do more, and I thought we would’ve by now, but all this has gotten in the way, and somewhere throughout it all, I just slipped back into old habits. I let myself down. I let you down.”</p><p>Tony hugged Peter closer. “You bit the bullet and asked for help. To me that shows that you’re just as good as you always were. It’s not a weakness to ask for help, and it’s human to have slip-ups.”</p><p>“How many slip-ups am I going to have before I get a clue?”</p><p>“As many as it takes. Just don’t quit.”</p><p>“I miss you,” Peter said. “I want to see you all the time. I hate school.”</p><p>“No you don’t, you love school,” Tony countered.</p><p>“I hate that it’s keeping us apart.”</p><p>“I know, Pete. We’ll find something that works. We just have to talk about it.”</p><p>Peter groaned. “I feel like such an idiot for not being honest with you.”</p><p>“You could never be an idiot and,” Tony paused dramatically, “if I remember correctly, you said you started eating takeout as a reward for passing tests, yes?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Then look on the brightside, you’re still  passing tests. Still a brainiac. Right?”</p><p>Peter snorted. “I guess. It’s not that the work is too hard…there’s just too much of it.”</p><p>Tony hummed.</p><p>“Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Anything.”</p><p>“If you ever get tired of consoling me, or like, you know, if I get like this too much, or if you just decide you’re done, can you please be up front with me? Tell me right away.”</p><p>“I’ll always be honest with you,” Tony assured. “Though, the chances of me getting tired of you are less than zero.”</p><p>Peter gave him a solemn smile.</p><p>“This last month hasn’t been fun,” Tony admitted. “If anything changes on your end. I’d want you to tell me too. I don’t want to wait around wondering if you’re still in this.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “I won’t make that mistake again.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“I thought if I wasn’t around you might decide I wasn’t worth waiting for. Maybe you’d find someone else who could actually spend time with you,” Peter admitted. “I think maybe I was pulling away to prove myself right.”</p><p>Tony couldn’t blame Peter for that behaviour. He’d almost done the exact same thing. He and Peter were proving over and over again that the best way to solve problems was to talk them through, and as soon as communication was gone, so was everything else. It was a breeding ground for misunderstandings and complications. It was a wakeup call for Tony that he needed to be open and up front with Peter first instead of always expecting him to come forward with his problems.</p><p>Tony could voice his own concerns to Peter and give him the chance to be there for him. That would give Peter a more active role in the relationship and build his confidence. He had to get used to allowing himself to be vulnerable instead of reacting to Peter’s vulnerability. Reassuring Peter once he already felt insecure wasn’t as effective as making him feel more secure in the first place.</p><p>Tony was grateful that they’d gone through this sooner rather than later, so it didn’t have the chance to develop into something they couldn’t come back from.</p><p>Tony shook his head. “Someday I hope you can see what I see.”</p><p>“I hope so too,” Peter admitted. “It’s not that I want to hate myself, it’s just easier I guess.”</p><p>“Is it, though?” Tony asked. “Because to me it sounds like you’re making a lot of extra work for yourself.”</p><p>“Self-sabotage,” Peter supplied.</p><p>“Exactly. I’m admittedly guilty of it too.”</p><p>“So,” Tony continued, “not everything has a fix, but I’m here to make it easier on you, not harder. Let me help.”</p><p>“Well, first of all, I want to spend more time with you, and I want to do that while still working for my money and without transferring gyms.”</p><p>“You mean to say that problems can be solved without throwing money at them or using my endless connections? That sounds…awful.”</p><p>Peter grinned. “It is awful, but it builds character.”</p><p>“Who needs character? I’d rather have the money,” Tony joked.</p><p>“I guess,” Peter allowed, “but I want to prove that I can do it myself. I want you with me, and I do need you, but it’s different than depending on you completely. You know?”</p><p>“Oh, I get it now,” Tony said.</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re a better person than I am.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “I’ll let the compliment slide…just this once.”</p><p>“No, never mind.” Peter winced. “I can’t do it. I take it back.”</p><p>“Tie for best?” Tony amended.</p><p>“Agreed.”</p><p>“I know you love me. I really don’t doubt that,” Peter continued. “That’s why I don’t want to disappoint you, and just because you love me doesn’t give me an excuse to be a burden. To dump all of my issues on you. It was one thing when you were my trainer…things are different now, and I don’t expect you to coddle me.”</p><p>“I don’t think I could coddle you if I tried. Believe me because I’m trying to, and you won’t let me.”</p><p>“I want to be there for you, too, though,” Peter said. “I left you alone in your own spiral…sometimes I forget I’m not the only one with problems, as selfish at that sounds.”</p><p>“Hey, I’m right there with you.” Tony shrugged. “I think we both got a rude awakening this month.”</p><p>“You can say that again,” Peter agreed.</p><p>“I think we both got a rude awakening this month,” Tony repeated.</p><p>“That’s my joke,” Peter grumbled.</p><p>“We share neuroses. We might as well share jokes.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tony’s first suggestion was for Peter to forgo a calorie deficit. Going into maintenance while he acclimated to his new work level and lifestyle wasn’t going to hurt him or his progress. Tony reminded him that a diet didn’t have to be rigid. Goals were fluid and could be changed to match new dynamics.</p><p>Peter learned that he could do it all and do well, but he shouldn’t expect doing well to look the same across the board. Tony helped him realize that balance didn’t necessarily look proportionate. Success in school was the most important priority, so Peter needed to dedicate the most time and effort to that, and if that meant only working out once a week, then that was how it had to be. Of course, working out every day during the summer looked “better”, but in the context of the way his life looked now, in October, once a week was appropriate.</p><p>“You need to make sure you’re getting enough sleep, too. No sleep and tons of stress make a calorie deficit pretty pointless, anyway,” Tony explained, pointedly tracing the dark circles under Peter’s eyes.</p><p>Peter was thankful for the reminder that weight loss wasn’t the most important thing about his journey. Improving his mental health and developing a more positive perspective on everything was the main goal, and doing well in school, taking care of himself, and maintaining his relationships were going to achieve that goal more easily than stressing about whether he was eating too much fast food or not. It was a funny thing, too, that the less worried he was about everything, the less he wanted or needed to turn to food anyway. Losing weight alone was like pulling weeds but leaving the root behind. There was more to it than that.</p><p>Tony and Peter agreed together that Fridays were no longer for gym visits. Instead, Tony would pick Peter up as soon as he was done with his labs. They would go back to Tony’s place and do work together. Additionally, Peter would go down to only one shift a week—Sunday so he would already be at the gym for the support group meeting, and since it was slower, he could do more homework at the desk. To make up the rest of his hours, he could answer emails remotely throughout the week. It would save him travel time and allow him to work at his convenience without giving Friday or Karen any more work to do in his absence. All it would take was a phone call to Carol to do a little bit of rearranging.</p><p>Peter wasn’t a huge fan of needing special accommodations at work, but he liked the compromise.</p><p>“Two birds one stone,” Tony commented. “I’ll do my office work. You do your homework, and then we can go to bed together, wake up Saturday, and the day is yours for anything you want. You can do more work, I can take you back to Brooklyn, or we can knock some of those double dates out of the way, see May, or get our exercise in at my home gym, or the pool.”</p><p>“Or fool around,” Peter teased.</p><p>“Definitely that,” Tony agreed. “A much better suggestion.”</p><p>“These changes alone would be a big help, and honestly, just getting it off my chest was good enough. Talking to you again makes me feel so much better.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Glad to hear it.”</p><p>“I never want to see you cry again,” Peter admitted.</p><p>Tony winced. “That ugly, huh?”</p><p>“No. I just hated it. I especially hated that it was my fault.”</p><p>“Easy, Pete,” Tony soothed. “I knew you were mean when I agreed to be your boyfriend…I still love you.”</p><p>“Tony,” Peter whined. “That’s like the opposite of helpful.”</p><p>“There you go, criticizing me again.”</p><p>Peter glowered for a moment before his expression wavered into a smile. “I love you too.”</p><p> </p><p>Tony stayed the rest of the evening, busying himself on his phone while Peter worked on an assignment. Every so often, Peter would take a break to get a drink or use the bathroom, but most of the breaks he took were to give Tony a peck on the lips.</p><p>They ordered takeout and ate at the kitchen table with Ned and MJ, and Peter relished in the feeling of his two worlds merging. More and more, it felt like Tony had been in his life all along.</p><p>They went to bed together, and Peter wondered again why in the hell he didn’t open up to Tony before. He could’ve been spending the past month’s worth of Friday nights going to bed with Tony. Nothing sexual even had to happen, and even if Tony hadn’t given him a way to consolidate his responsibilities to free up his schedule, Peter felt lighter knowing that Tony was on his side and everything was out in the open. He also felt lighter falling asleep next to Tony because the man’s presence soothed him even in unconsciousness.</p><p> </p><p>The pain Peter inflicted on himself with his negative thoughts and unreasonably high expectations hadn’t been fun to endure, but it hadn’t mattered so much since it was only him that had to feel it. Seeing Tony cry made him realize he wasn’t just hurting himself anymore. It had had shaken him out of his misery and made him turn outward instead of inward. By reaching out to soothe Tony, he’d inadvertently soothed himself.</p><p>Tony was usually the epitome of security and stability. He was always so reassuring and caring; and it had been easy to forget that Tony had his own struggles as well. He’d distanced himself from Tony out of fear of being too much of a burden, but all he’d succeeded in doing was making his boyfriend feel abandoned. Peter wanted to be there for him, and he couldn’t do that if he was too busy beating himself up.</p><p>Tony had told him that as long as he was honest he could help him, and he’d decided on his own that he didn’t need help. It never occurred to him that going to Tony for reassurance was a good thing—not a burden, but a sign of trust. He’d mistakenly thought that he was righting a wrong, but instead, he was making it worse for both him and Tony.</p><p>Maybe he hadn’t had a full-on binge, or started cutting again, but cutting himself off from his support system was harmful.</p><p>By not fully believing he deserved love from not only Tony, but from his friends and May, he was doing himself and them a disservice. Instead of wallowing in misery, he could be reaching out and using his resources, and in turn, be in a healthier position to help those who needed him. He’d barely spoken to MJ or Ned to see how they were coping with their first month in college, and he’d left Tony to think the worst, and he hadn’t been honest with May, either.</p><p>Hearing Tony’s side of things and being able to comfort him for a change showed him that he had value and that caring for others was something he could do. To be able to do that well he had to take care of himself first.</p><p>It wasn’t an issue of Peter loving himself before he could love Tony, or if he couldn’t love himself how could anyone else; both of those notions put too much responsibility and pressure on people. It was more of a realization that he and Tony could love each other and fill in each other’s gaps. Loving Tony and being loved by him was the perfect lesson of how to love himself.</p><p>Peter was starting to accept that self-love would be a lifelong lesson, but he wanted to try, and it would be distinctly easier with Tony by his side. Not that Tony was a magic cure because Peter still had to put the work in—just as Tony had guided him in weight loss, but couldn’t physically lose weight for him. Peter had always been afraid of needing people and seeming too dependent, but it wasn’t a crime to need people, and he realized now that it worked both ways. Tony needed him too.</p><p>He’d had rough moments before, and he’d given himself the pep talks before, but he was wrong to think it was a one and done kind of situation. He needed to keep making an effort to push out the negative thoughts. Every recovery he made from every setback solidified his progress and made the good habits stick a little more firmly. He’d been asking himself continuously if he’d ever be normal, and it was the wrong question. He would always struggle somewhat, regardless of the severity or the cause. The right question was if he valued himself and his loved ones enough to keep going, and the answer was yes.</p><p>Peter didn’t want to push Tony away, and he didn’t want to tear himself up from the inside. He wanted to keep everything he’d worked so hard for. Do it all. Have everything. Worrying about why he couldn’t, or why he didn’t deserve it, or trying to hide his struggles out of shame instead of working on his goals was useless. He didn’t have to be perfect, but he had to keep trying.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Tony dropped Peter off for his shift at Iron Fitness.</p><p>“What are you gonna do today?” Peter asked before he got out of the car.</p><p>“I was actually thinking about seeing if May was available.”</p><p>“May?” Peter questioned. “Why?”</p><p>“I was thinking about paying her a visit, maybe grabbing lunch.”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said.</p><p>“We haven’t gotten much of a chance to get to know each other without you as a buffer, and I want to make sure I’m covering all the bases. I want to do this right. You know?”</p><p>“I know,” Peter agreed. “I want a chance to get to know the people in your life better too. I think it’s important.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “When you’re not busy, we’ll find the time.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “Thanks to you, I’ll be a little less busy.”</p><p>“Not if I can help it.” Tony winked.</p><p>“You just helped me free up my schedule, so I have more time to have sex with you, didn’t you?”</p><p>“It’s…possible,” Tony admitted. “However, it’s also possible that I want your life to be easier.”</p><p>“Well, just don’t make things too easy for me,” Peter joked. “We both know how much I like to suffer.”</p><p>“Stubborn.” Tony chastised.</p><p>“Yup,” Peter agreed.</p><p>“Anyway, you’re about to be late,” Tony pointed at the clock on his dashboard, “don’t make me write you up.’</p><p>Peter stuck his tongue out. “Have fun with May.”</p><p>“Oh, I bet it’s going to be a killer time,” Tony replied. “Do me a favour and check in every so often to make sure I’m still alive.”</p><p>“I would, but my boss doesn’t like when I make personal calls on the job.”</p><p>“Sounds like an asshole.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “Nah, he’s the best.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Consummation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter and Tony become more intimate.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This entire chapter is porn from start to finish. :')</p><p>Like in chapter 37, I'll warn for specifics in the *end notes*.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter found his groove as October continued. Because of Tony’s advice on how to consolidate all of his responsibilities, and because he was more acclimated to his new life.</p><p>Now that he knew more of what to expect from classes, and knew which professors looked for what in their grading, and he could actually find the proper buildings on campus, he was less uncertain. Having more time to see Tony put him at complete ease in the relationship, and after opening up to MJ and Ned about the tough time he was having, they admitted they weren’t doing so hot either. All of them had been hesitant to say anything in fear of looking foolish in front of each other, but once everything was out in the open, they decided to pool more than their financial resources, and worked together, taking turns to shop and meal prep and clean the apartment, so that nobody had to do everything for themselves.</p><p>Working mostly from his phone and laptop answering customer emails for Iron Fitness was also a big help to his schedule without hurting his bank account, or without him losing too much dignity over getting handouts from Tony.</p><p>Because his emotions were more in check and he was less stressed, he had been able to nip the weight gain in the bud, and reverting to maintenance calories instead of trying to be in a deficit was doing wonders for his mental health.</p><p>The biggest help of all was having Friday nights and entire Saturdays with Tony. The first weekend of Peter’s altered work schedule gave him the opportunity to swim with Tony on the rooftop of his penthouse. He was barely concerned about not wearing a shirt and spent most of the time clinging to Tony in the water while they alternated between making out and talking. Once they got inside, they returned to Tony’s office to finish their work, and to complete the evening, they snuggled on the couch to view the latest blockbuster superhero movie.</p><p>Peter’s hands started wandering about five minutes in, and he realized that if he ever wanted to actually watch a movie from start to finish again, they’d have to go to the theatre. Otherwise, he would always be distracted by the accessibility of Tony’s body next to him.</p><p>Peter put his hands under Tony’s shirt and rubbed over his nipples. The gesture didn’t seem to have the same effect on Tony that it had on him, but he looked like he was enjoying the attention nonetheless. He stroked the contours of his facial hair—one of his favourite features of Tony’s face. He rubbed his fingers up Tony’s flanks. Anywhere his hands could reach was fair game.</p><p>Eventually his touch landed just above Tony’s belly button, and it was nothing to let his fingers travel another inch to his waistband.</p><p>He hesitated, not out of fear but in deliberation. He didn’t know what he wanted to do for Tony this time. Peter couldn’t decide between his hands or his mouth. To take some of the pressure off himself, he considered letting Tony use his body to get off again like the last time. Tony could rock his hips forward and fuck his hand the way he liked. Peter wanted a little more control than that, though. He was ready.</p><p>“Go ahead,” Tony encouraged.</p><p>Peter pushed Tony’s pants down enough to get what he wanted. He took a moment to appreciate Tony’s dick before he reached for it. He loved to see it, whether hard or soft.  He spit on his hand and went for it, using a few exploratory strokes to bring Tony to full hardness. Peter marvelled at how quickly it filled out under his touch.</p><p>Peter barely moved at first. He was breathless while he watched Tony’s stomach flex from the effort of keeping still. He rubbed his thumb up and down the underside of Tony’s cock and pressed in more firmly as he approached the flared skin of the head. Again, he was just trying what he liked and hoping something would stick.</p><p>Tony responded well to that and his cock started to leak in Peter’s hand. Peter licked his lips and tried not to blink so he wouldn’t miss a single thing.</p><p>“So good,” Tony remarked.</p><p>Peter glanced at Tony and gave him a small smile before he went back to work. He concentrated his movements at the tip and twisted his fist around Tony just the way he’d seen him do to himself. Every time his thumb caught on Tony’s cockhead, Tony made a little gasp, and Peter was addicted to hearing it.</p><p>Trying to jack Tony off while lying down didn’t give him an optimal angle, and it didn’t allow him to have two hands free. He sat up and adjusted his position so that he was sitting next to Tony while he remained lying down.</p><p>“Much better,” Peter commented. He spit on his hand again and wrapped it around the base of Tony’s cock while he brought his other hand to rub Tony’s balls.</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Tony sighed.</p><p>Peter looked at Tony again, delighted when he saw that Tony was staring at him hungrily. His expression was dark, and the neglected movie in the background kept emitting flashes of blue across his face. Every time the light caught Tony’s face, Peter could see his lips and eyes glistening.</p><p>Tony’s face was difficult to look away from, but he managed to do it since the only way to keep Tony looking that way was to keep doing what he was doing.</p><p>Peter quickened his pace and tightened his grip, desperate to make Tony come. He wanted to see it and hear it again. He wanted to feel it and taste it. His entire body was operating for the sole purpose of getting Tony off. Every strain of his muscles, every breath and heartbeat, everything operating inside him was for Tony.</p><p>His hand was starting to get tired, but he didn’t care. It was nice to feel the burn in his forearm, and if it got to be too much, he’d use his mouth. He’d already tasted Tony’s come before, so it was no stretch to give him a blowjob.</p><p>Peter was seconds away from involving his mouth when Tony interrupted him.</p><p>“Pete.”</p><p>Peter frowned and turned to meet Tony’s gaze. What was the problem? Why did he stop him?</p><p>“Did I do something wrong?” Peter’s stomach clenched. Had he been hurting Tony this whole time? Unknowingly giving Tony the worst handjob he’d ever had in his life? Was he so bad that Tony was miles away from coming and just wanted to stop to save him the trouble?</p><p>“No, of course not.”</p><p>Peter took his hand away. Getting stopped mid-handjob wasn’t exactly a confidence booster regardless of what Tony’s reasoning was.</p><p>“Wait, it’s not what you think,” Tony pleaded. “I’m worried.”</p><p>“Worried about what?” Peter sighed.</p><p>“I don’t want to be taking advantage,” Tony explained. “I want to get you off too.”</p><p>“I haven’t even made you come yet, though,” Peter replied. “I don’t understand.”</p><p>“I’m so close,” Tony breathed, “I’ve been close this entire time, but I keep holding back.”</p><p>“Holding back?” Peter furrowed his brows. “My hand is on fire, and you’re holding back? I thought I was blowing it.”</p><p>“Don’t.” Peter held up his hand when he saw Tony’s eyes light up in preparation to make a dirty joke. Dirty jokes didn’t really count when they were actually in the middle of doing dirty things.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>To Tony’s credit, he actually did look guilty.</p><p>“I don’t want to let go unless I know I can do something to you in return. I want to take care of you, and it’s difficult for me to get out of my head about you being in your head. If that makes sense.”</p><p>Peter frowned. Of course Tony would be worried about that.</p><p>“Tony, please. Right now, this is what I want to do. I don’t think you understand that I want to take care of you too, and if I can make my boyfriend come, that’ll make me feel better about myself, and the better I feel about myself, the sooner we can get to doing more, so feeling guilty about getting a handjob isn’t worth your time.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Are you—”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows and wrapped his hand around Tony’s cock. He gave it a firm squeeze. “Just relax,  big shot. Let me do this. Please. I want to.”</p><p>Tony huffed. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”</p><p>Peter continued his work with a satisfied smirk and privately decided to save his mouth for another time since Tony was so worried about taking from him. Instead, he paid attention to the sounds Tony made and how he was touching him when he made them. His right hand started to cramp a little too painfully to continue with any efficiency, so he switched to his left and used his right to work his way up Tony’s chest. He pinched his nipple only to tease him, but it did the trick and brought Tony the rest of the way.</p><p>He stiffened and spilled into his hand with a sharp hiss.</p><p>“Awesome.” Peter exclaimed.</p><p>Peter wondered what it said about him that he felt happier at having made Tony come than he had felt acing his midterms. Even if he hadn’t gotten Tony off, getting to touch him was fun on its own. Not that he wouldn’t have been a little disappointed if Tony had to finish the job himself, but he knew Tony didn’t have as high of expectations for him as he had for himself, and that helped bring him down to earth a little bit.</p><p>“Thank you.” Tony pulled Peter in for a kiss before he had a chance to wipe his hand off.</p><p>He ended up bringing his hand to rest on Tony’s shoulder and getting come all over his shirt.</p><p>“Oops,” Peter giggled into Tony’s mouth.</p><p>“You’re so good,” Tony praised. “You kept me right at the edge the entire time. It was amazing.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Peter breathed, pulling back to look at Tony’s expression. “I know I took a while to get it right, but I thought it was okay, I don’t know. I’ll probably get better. I’ll learn what you like.”</p><p>“What about what you like?” Tony mouthed at his jaw. “I can feel how excited you are. Tell me what I can do.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes fluttered shut. “Can we do it like last time?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Tony agreed.</p><p>Peter settled into the couch as fast as he could and hummed when Tony’s weight was on him the next moment. Tony pushed his tongue into his mouth again, and Peter suckled at it in a tamer imitation of what he’d wanted to do to Tony’s cock.</p><p>“God, love your mouth,” Tony mused.</p><p>Peter bucked his hips up against the thigh Tony had slotted in between his legs. He was in search of friction and after some jiggling, he found the perfect angle.</p><p>“Ahh,” Peter keened. “There.”</p><p>Tony planted himself there and used his hands to tease at Peter’s nipples.</p><p>Peter’s mouth went slack while he enjoyed the feeling of Tony’s adept hands on his body. He humped the man’s leg almost pathetically, and it was embarrassing how soon he came after just a few thrusts.</p><p>“Beautiful,” Tony said. “Watching you get off in clothes makes me ache…I’ll be a goner when I get to see all of you.”</p><p>Peter blinked at him dumbly before he realized the last time he’d come for Tony he’d been in the dark. He hadn’t even thought of shutting the lights off for a moment this time since he’d been so needy.</p><p>“Holy shit. You saw me,” Peter cried. “I—I looked okay?”</p><p>“Okay?” Tony frowned. “Baby, you’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”</p><p>Peter didn’t know what to say to that, so he pulled Tony back down on top of him so he could taste him again.</p><p>“Tony, you’re so amazing,” Peter said when they calmed down and the kissing came to an end. “Just watching you makes me so crazy. Knowing that I make you feel good makes me feel good.”</p><p>“Another thing we have in common,” Tony replied. “Making you happy is all I care about.”</p><p>“Same,” Peter sighed. “I’m sorry for finishing so fast, you know. I’ve literally never had that problem, and it’s new for me, but I’ll try to hold back.”</p><p>“I want you to enjoy yourself. It’s no concern of mine how long it takes.”</p><p>Peter hummed his appreciation.</p><p>“Once you’re ready, I plan on taking you apart as many times as I can, whether it takes me ten seconds or ten hours.”</p><p>Peter smiled. “Thank you, that’s good to know. I was kind of embarrassed that I took a while to get you off, but I guess it works both ways. Being scared to come too fast, being scared that you don’t come fast enough, and then I get to blame myself for everything no matter what.”</p><p>“Mmm, not just smart, but also wise.”</p><p>“Not just another pretty face either,” Peter added.</p><p>“To be fair, you are ridiculously pretty.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes.</p><p>Tony chuckled. “Anyways, if it feels good and we’re both happy, who cares how long it takes?”</p><p>“You’re right.”</p><p>“Ugh,” Tony groaned. “Say that again. I love it when you talk dirty.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The next weekend Peter was at Tony’s, he didn’t wait for the pretense of a movie or going to bed to start something. The minute they walked into the penthouse, Peter caught Tony by the shoulder and stopped him from moving any further.</p><p>“What’s up?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter responded by kneeling on the floor. It felt right to be on his knees in front of Tony.</p><p>“Oh,” Tony breathed.</p><p>He didn’t wait for permission. He reached his hands up to Tony’s belt and unbuckled it. The sound of the leather sliding through the metal buckle made Peter’s dick throb. Peter had been imagining what it would be like to suck Tony’s dick for months, and now he would finally find out. He could barely concentrate on the task at hand—at mouth—because he was so excited.</p><p>Tony’s hands were already in Peter’s hair, and he hadn’t even unbuttoned his jeans. Peter leaned forward and just pressed his face into Tony’s body and moaned shamelessly. He was ready to come, and he hadn’t even started, yet. <em>Get it together, Peter. Jesus Christ.<br/></em></p><p>Tony moved his hands from Peter’s hair to his face and tilted his chin up.</p><p>Peter looked up at Tony, wondering what the man was going to say. He thought Tony was going to stop him, but he didn’t; he only looked down at him with hungry eyes.</p><p>“Having second thoughts?” Tony wondered.</p><p>Peter shook his head. Absolutely not. He licked his lips and finished unbuttoning Tony’s jeans. “I had to slow down,” Peter admitted, resting his face on Tony’s thigh.</p><p>“Why?” Tony stroked Peter’s hair soothingly.</p><p>“Because just undoing your belt almost made me come,” Peter whispered.</p><p>“Fuck,” Tony groaned, pulling on Peter’s hair harder. “You’re a dream.”</p><p>Peter nodded, finally unzipping Tony. He tugged Tony’s pants down to his knees, and then he was left staring at the man’s boxer briefs and the prominent bulge under them. His heart was beating out of his chest. <em>Oh my fucking God. It’s so big. </em>He already knew from seeing it and holding it, but in the context of having to suck on it…</p><p>Peter didn’t dare look up at Tony, or else he might have lost his nerve. He traced over Tony’s cock through the black material. It was rock hard. <em>That’s for me?</em></p><p>“See how excited you get me, baby?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter’s mouth watered in anticipation, while his dick leaked against his leg. “Fuck, Tony. You’re so big.”</p><p>“You’ve seen it before,” Tony mused. “Are you surprised?”</p><p>Peter blinked a few times to clear his head. “Big for my mouth.”</p><p>Tony didn’t say anything, but he rewarded Peter’s comment by popping a thumb into his mouth and pulling at his lips. Peter moaned, licking at Tony’s finger eagerly. That was nothing close to enough, though. Nothing compared to Tony’s cock. He was done wasting time. He pulled down Tony’s underwear, inhaling deeply to prepare himself for not being able to breath.</p><p>Peter didn’t bother licking the tip or stroking it, he just grabbed onto Tony’s hips and pulled the man forward until his forehead touched Tony’s stomach. The man’s dick was all the way at the back of his throat, and Peter could feel it when he swallowed.</p><p>“Unh,” Tony grunted. “That’s it, Pete.”</p><p>Peter listened, pulling his head back and moving it forward again, keeping his lips tight around Tony’s shaft. He had been worried that his mouth might get dry, but that was not the case; apparently his brain had gotten the memo to overrun his mouth with saliva. He was drooling everywhere, the slick noise of Tony’s cock moving in and out of his mouth filled his ears.</p><p>He started sucking harder when his jaw started to ache. He wanted Tony to feel good at any cost, and there was no way he wasn’t going to suck until Tony came. He wasn’t going to take a break and use his hand, either. Peter was already anticipating Tony’s praise, and the sounds Tony would make when he finally shot his load down his throat.</p><p>Peter moved his tongue around to collect some of the spit that was pooling at the bottom of his mouth and deposit it around his lips for extra smoothness.</p><p>“Fuckk, do that again,” Tony pleaded.</p><p>Peter repeated the action again and again, dragging his tongue around the head of Tony’s cock until his mouth was nothing but a sore ache. Without warning, he pulled Tony all the way to the back of his throat again, gagging briefly before regaining his composure.</p><p>“Unnhhh,” Tony cried. “Pete…stop…fuck.”</p><p>Peter knew that stop meant <em>only stop if you don’t want me to shoot down your throat,</em> so basically that meant Tony had said <em>go</em>. Peter felt like he was the one to orgasm when Tony let go and came in his mouth with a groan, fisting his hair almost painfully. He was so happy that he’d done it.</p><p>Peter couldn’t tell if it had been one minute or thirty, but his jaw had never been worked so hard, not even during a binge. Still, he had done well. He was pleased to discover he was talented at sucking dick since the act coloured almost all of his fantasies. How satisfying to be good at the thing he loved to imagine doing. On the first try too.</p><p>He pulled Tony’s underwear and jeans back up with weak arms and went to stand, but Tony was already in the process of pulling him up.</p><p>“That was incredible,” Tony praised, moving forward to kiss Peter’s tired lips.</p><p>Peter couldn’t make his mouth make the right shape to kiss Tony back, so Tony just licked into his mouth without any resistance. Then the man moved to his neck, Peter’s favourite.</p><p>“Mmm, Tony,” Peter said. His dick was throbbing so desperately he could feel each pulse of need ripple throughout his body like a wave. He wanted to ask Tony to do something so badly, but he didn’t want Tony to see him that naked. It was so frustrating.</p><p>“Baby, relax,” Tony whispered. “You’re wound up so tight…let me take care of it.”</p><p>“N-no, it’s okay.” <em>Please.</em></p><p>“Shh, hold on,” Tony said, biting at Peter’s neck.</p><p>Peter nearly collapsed when Tony unzipped him. His worries died before he could voice them because all Tony did was shove his hand into his boxers and stroke him a few times with his face buried into his neck. Tony wasn’t even looking, and Peter’s dick wasn’t even exposed.</p><p>It took less than ten seconds before Peter’s legs were useless to hold himself up. Good thing Tony was there.</p><p>“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” Peter panted, clinging to Tony’s shoulder. “Unhhhh.” He shot into Tony’s hand with a jolt, slowly rocking his hips back and forth into his loose fist. Tony brushed his thumb against his sensitive tip, and it sent shivers down his spine.</p><p>“Better?” Tony wondered, finally pulling his hand away when Peter came back to his senses.</p><p>Peter responded with some random noise that meant yes. He could tell that he was a mess underneath all his clothes, but he couldn’t be bothered to leave Tony’s arms.</p><p>“Is it time for ‘eventually’ yet?” Tony asked.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“When I offered to clean you up in the shower,” Tony said, “you said not yet, but eventually. Can that be today? Please?”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter replied lamely. “Okay.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Tony clarified.</p><p>“I’m kind of nervous for you to see,” Peter admitted. “I want to. I’ll let you, but, I’m just—I’m nervous.”</p><p>“Seriously, you’re so fucking sexy, Peter. Nothing could ever make me not want you. Please let me see you.”</p><p>“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before anyway,” Tony added.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter agreed. “Okay, yeah, but…um, there are other things. Like it’s not just my size—you’ll see, I guess. I don’t want you to be upset.”</p><p>“Upset?” Tony asked. “What things?”</p><p>Peter didn’t respond. He took Tony’s hand and walked into the bathroom.</p><p>Tony looked concerned but didn’t push for information. Instead, he turned to the shower to get it started. He took his clothes off easily and smiled softly when he saw Peter still dressed.</p><p>“Pete, if you don’t want to, I’ll wait. There’s no rush.”</p><p>“No, I do want to. I just need to work myself up to it,” Peter admitted. “It’s like I made such a big deal of it that it made it worse, you know?”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Let me help you out.” He gripped the bottom of Peter’s shirt and tugged at it.</p><p>Peter lifted his arms in response, and then Tony slipped the shirt off over his head. Before Tony went for the pants, he moved forward and crowded Peter against the nearest wall. He suckled at his neck until Peter felt his dick harden again. He was insatiable and not mad about it in the slightest.</p><p>Tony put his hands on Peter’s waistband while he kissed his neck and jaw. He hesitated for a moment, but when Peter didn’t say anything to stop it, he went ahead.</p><p>Peter could feel the butterflies in his stomach while Tony pulled his pants off. He was left in nothing but his wet boxers, and he blushed when Tony looked down at the mess. He knew that Tony wasn’t embarrassed or uncomfortable at all, and he fed off the man’s confidence, so that he would feel more at ease. Even though he knew Tony loved him and would still love him after laying eyes on his dick, it was still nerve wracking. He knew that after this, it wouldn’t matter, and that this was a special, fleeting moment. Tony could only see him naked for the first time once, and then it would become just like any other part of him, so his nervousness stemmed from both the grandiosity of the situation and from the shyness about his body.</p><p>“Okay,” Peter breathed. “Um, please don’t be upset.” He felt silly asking that of Tony because if the man saw his scars and didn’t care, it would be embarrassing to have thought he might’ve reacted at all. But Peter knew Tony, and when he thought of how he would feel if he knew Tony cut himself, it wasn’t hard to reverse the situation. He hoped Tony wouldn’t blame himself again.</p><p>Tony kissed Peter on the mouth while he pulled his boxers down. Peter thought being undressed by Tony was more intimate than the blowjob. He’d never felt so vulnerable before.</p><p>Peter was both mortified and elated when Tony’s eyes flickered down to his dick. Elated because he felt brave and proud and loved. Mortified because he saw the exact moment when Tony’s sights strayed and landed on the scars marking up the tops of his thighs.</p><p>“Oh,” Tony sighed. “Pete.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Peter looked away.</p><p>“No, it’s okay.” He pulled Peter into a hug.</p><p>“They seem old,” Tony remarked.</p><p>“They are.”</p><p>“Is that something you still think about doing?”</p><p>Peter glanced at the shower. Not wanting to waste anymore water while they stood outside the stall chatting, he walked in. Tony followed.</p><p>“Pete?”</p><p>“The last time I did it was after that binge…pretty much when we first met,” Peter admitted. “Remember, when you ripped the pages out of my book?”</p><p>“Fuck,” Tony said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”</p><p>“It’s okay, Tony. It’s done.” Peter shrugged.</p><p>“I’m proud of you for stopping. I know you probably had occasion to do it after that, and—”</p><p>Peter quieted Tony by pulling his face down to his level and kissing him. He was satisfied when Tony let himself be distracted from the conversation and pushed forward. Peter was backed up against the wall once again, and his dick was reacting accordingly to Tony’s hips pressing against him.</p><p>Peter held onto Tony’s shoulders for a moment before he slid his hands all the way down to his ass and squeezed it at the same time as he drew Tony’s body toward him.</p><p>Tony hummed into Peter’s mouth and responded to his cheeky behaviour by grabbing his ass back.</p><p>Peter jerked in surprise and felt his dick throb at the thought of Tony doing even more with his ass.</p><p>Like Tony could read his mind, he deposited some body wash into his hand and returned his hand to the same spot.</p><p>“Good?” Tony asked before he got too far.</p><p>“Mhmm,” Peter grunted. “Do whatever you want.”</p><p>“Jesus Christ,” Tony whined. “You can’t say things like that to me so innocently.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because I’m just a man,” Tony laughed. He squeezed Peter’s cheek and left a lathery trail all over the skin until his hand finally reached its destination. He rubbed his fingers around Peter’s hole without pressing in or escalating anything.</p><p>“Oh God,” Peter moaned.</p><p>Tony’s hard cock was pressing against his hip and making him dizzy. It felt empowering to make Tony hard. Knowing he was desirable and attractive made his heart ache with love. All he wanted was to be good for Tony and to keep being good for him.</p><p>Tony steadied Peter’s hip with his left hand while he used the right to explore Peter’s ass, and Peter couldn’t think about anything other than how perfect everything was. The hot water was beating down on them, and Tony was just so close, and he smelled so fucking good, and was looking at him with such fervor. Being loved by Tony was almost too much to handle.</p><p>“You want more?”</p><p>Peter nodded eagerly, his eyes shifting from side to side before settling on Tony’s face. He was so hard and needy that he felt like he might die if Tony didn’t raise the stakes.</p><p>“Here,” Tony offered. At the same time as he spoke, he pressed his finger past Peter’s tight rim.</p><p>“Ahh,” Peter whined.</p><p>“Have you done this before?”</p><p>Peter shook his head. He knew Tony knew he was a virgin, but it was almost more embarrassing to admit he’d never touched his ass before. He hoped Tony wouldn’t need to ask why. If he’d felt disgusting jerking off, the contortion it would’ve taken to go anywhere near his ass should’ve been apparent. He’d never really had an interest in putting himself through that.</p><p>“Fuck,” Tony groaned. “Never. You’ve never touched yourself like this?” He punctuated his question by circling his finger inside of Peter</p><p>Peter squeaked at the sensation before he attempted to answer the question. “I-I mean, you know. I—fuck—clean myself in the shower, b-but. No, nothing like what you’re thinking.”</p><p>“You’re the gift that keeps on giving,” Tony complimented.</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“I’m going to do everything to you, Peter,” Tony promised. “I’m going to give you everything.”</p><p>“You deserve it,” Tony added.</p><p>Peter wanted to look away from the intensity of Tony’s gaze, but he couldn’t bear to.</p><p>Tony took care of the emotion for him when he dropped to his knees in front of him. He first pressed a kiss to Peter’s thigh right over top of his old cuts, and then repeated the gesture on his opposite leg. Then Tony swallowed him down.</p><p>Peter cried out. He didn’t have a chance to wonder how he looked, or how he tasted, or what Tony was thinking. All his brain was capable of doing was giving his eyes the signal not to blink. He didn’t want to miss a single thing that Tony did. Watching his dick disappear into Tony’s mouth, and seeing those big eyes looking up at him adoringly and feeling Tony’s finger inside him while he was simultaneously inside of Tony was overwhelming.</p><p>Tony didn’t move his tongue or do anything fancy. All he did was tighten his lips around his head and suck while he curled his finger within him.</p><p>Tony pushed his finger in and pulled it out. He circled it around Peter’s rim before pressing it against his inner walls. All the while he kept on sucking, and Peter couldn’t take it anymore.</p><p>“Tony, Tony, Tony!” Peter chanted. Just when he felt his balls tighten, Tony moved his finger again and the motion sent a jolt up his spine. Tony did it again at just the right spot and paired it with swirl of the tongue, and Peter was helpless. His entire body tensed, his toes and fingers curling in on themselves in an attempt to channel out his ecstasy. His eyes rolled into the back of his head until they ached, and he could’ve left the planet for all he knew.</p><p>Peter gasped when it was done, slowly relaxing his body while Tony worked him through the aftershocks. It was a bit of a tragedy that he hadn’t fully witnessed Tony swallowing his come, but just knowing it had happened would have to do. Tony ran his finger around his hole one more time before removing it.</p><p>“Oh,” Peter sighed. “That was crazy.”</p><p>Peter looked down at his spent dick and smiled like an idiot. Tony on the other hand was still rock hard and in need. He reached down, but Tony intercepted his hand before he could.</p><p>“Not right now, sweetheart,” Tony said. “This is about you.”</p><p>“But, I want to make you come.” Peter pouted.</p><p>“I know,” Tony said, “and you will. Let me finish washing you up first.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter allowed.</p><p>Tony pulled Peter closer and kissed him on the forehead before he began his work.</p><p>He started at the hair.</p><p>Peter sighed in satisfaction while Tony took care to massage his scalp and run the shampoo down behind his ears.</p><p>“You have such nice hair,” Tony complimented.</p><p>Peter hummed. It never cooperated with him even when he used gel or tried to wash it in particular ways. He didn’t even know whether it was straight or wavy or just an unruly disaster.</p><p>“Whatever you thought just now,” Tony said, “you’re wrong. It’s nice, and soft, and running my fingers through it while you blew me was a dream.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes flashed open at that. Who was he to argue when Tony said it like that?</p><p>Tony smirked at him, and then he grabbed a facial cleanser. “Keep your eyes closed.”</p><p>Peter obeyed. His face tingled while Tony rubbed the product into his face.</p><p>“Your skin is beautiful,” Tony commented. “I love your blush.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes even though his lids hid the movement.</p><p>“Your soft lips,” Tony continued, “your smile, your cute nose. Everything.”</p><p>Tony guided his face back under the water to rinse the cleanser away, and then he kissed him on the mouth. “Yup, perfect.”</p><p>Next, he used more body wash to clean every inch of Peter’s body. He unleashed a string of compliments while he washed Peter. The curve of his neck was heavenly to kiss. His shoulders were strong. His arms felt like home. His hands fit perfectly in his own. His chest was lovely. His nipples were mesmerizing, and he wanted them in his mouth always. His dick received the same compliment. His come tasted like a dream. His ass was perky. His legs were a masterpiece.</p><p>When it came to Peter’s legs, he got on the ground again. He picked up each of Peter’s feet and scrubbed at the bottoms and between the toes.</p><p>Peter giggled and almost lost his balance a few times, but Tony steadied him so he wouldn’t fall.</p><p>By the end of it, Peter had received so many compliments, his mind felt foggy, and he couldn’t remember all of them. It was hard to refute them that way. Tony was tricky. Of course, his body was ready to go again.</p><p> </p><p>Peter licked his lips and didn’t look away from Tony’s cock while he grabbed the same soap Tony had used on him. He squeezed a ridiculous amount out onto his palm and grinned when he realized it probably cost a hundred dollars. Worth it.</p><p>He gripped Tony’s shaft with his hand and pulled his fist toward himself to squeeze around Tony’s head. He glanced up once when Tony sighed and leaned his head back. Peter’s gaze lingered on his boyfriend’s beautiful face for a moment before he returned it to his hand. Watching his own hand work Tony over was incredibly satisfying.</p><p>Peter kept up a consistent pace and grip, not speeding up or slowing down or squeezing even when Tony jerked his hips forward for more. He wanted Tony to feel desperate for it.</p><p>“Please, baby. Faster. I need it.”</p><p>“Oh,” Peter said. “Sorry.” He deliberately slowed down lightened his grip until he was barely touching Tony.</p><p>Tony grinned. “I thought you were a good boy. Why are you holding out on me?”</p><p>Peter laughed. “I love touching you. I don’t want it to end.”</p><p>“You’re sweet,” Tony mused. “Sweet and mean.”</p><p>Peter took mercy on him and resumed a faster speed. He worked through the burn of his forearm and kept his eyes on Tony’s face the entire time. Tony stared back at him and leaned his head forward to bring their foreheads together.</p><p>Peter knew Tony was coming even though he couldn’t see it from his viewpoint. Tony’s hips jumped forward, and his grip on Peter’s body tightened, and his forehead slipped off Peter’s to rest at his shoulder instead. He hadn’t groaned or sworn, but Peter had heard his breath catch, and he had seen the wild look in Tony’s eyes right before he’d lost control. That was just as sexy as a moan, although he loved hearing Tony do that as well.</p><p>Peter milked the rest of Tony’s release out of him, and enjoyed the feeling of Tony simply resting against him to catch his breath,</p><p>The water washed everything away, and they didn’t bother with cleaning themselves beyond a rinse since they were pruny from the lengthy session and wanted to make good use of Tony’s bed.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>
  
</p><p>When Peter escalated one of their regular makeout sessions and asked for Tony to fuck him, he got the distinct pleasure of watching Tony's face go through almost every emotion on the human spectrum.</p><p>“You sure, Peter?” Tony asked in a low voice that only made Peter more confident.</p><p>“I’m scared,” Peter admitted, “but I’m ready.”</p><p>“Okay,” Tony replied. “God, I hope you know how much I want you. How much I love you.”</p><p>Peter nodded. “I do. I do, and I love you too.”</p><p>Tony looked pleased. “Good boy.”</p><p>“I’m sorry I made you wait—”</p><p>“No. Thank you for making me wait. It’s so much better this way, knowing you’re sure.”</p><p>“I’ve never been more sure about anything.”</p><p>Tony moved forward to kiss Peter. Just the way Peter liked, Tony was on top of him and resting his weight on his body. Peter lifted his hips off the bed to grind into Tony’s.</p><p>Tony slipped his hand under Peter’s shirt and felt across the expanses of Peter’s chest and back. Peter loved feeling Tony’s hands all over his body, exploring and touching just for the sake of it. Somehow, Tony worked his hands under Peter and inside of his pants and squeezed his ass while he ground his hips downward.</p><p>“Ah,” Peter cried. The pressure of his dick inside of his jeans was getting to be too much.</p><p>“Let’s get these clothes off you,” Tony suggested. He got off Peter and knelt next to him.</p><p>“You too,” Peter said breathlessly. “I want to see you.”</p><p>Tony took his own shirt off and merely unbuttoned his pants instead of removing them completely.</p><p>Peter lied back on the pillows with nothing but his boxers on. He tried and failed not to blush when Tony pointedly looked between his legs, where his underwear betrayed just how excited he was.</p><p>Tony reached into his nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube and a box of condoms, and despite all they’d done and all they were about to do, Peter still hid his face at the sight. Tony’s mischievous smirk didn’t help matters, either.</p><p>“I hope I didn’t scare you off,” Tony soothed. “We don’t have to use all of them today.”</p><p>Peter groaned. “Maybe we shouldn’t use any of them.”</p><p>“Oh,” Tony said, “okay, we can do something else. I—”</p><p>“No,” Peter interrupted. “Like, maybe, you know…we can do it without them.”</p><p>“Oh,” Tony repeated.</p><p>“Yeah.” Peter could feel the blush on his face and see it extending down his chest even to his stomach.</p><p>“But it’s your first time,” Tony countered. “You don’t want to ease into things? See if you even like the feeling before I make a mess in you?”</p><p>Peter’s dick throbbed at Tony’s words. He wondered if Tony knew how turned on he was just  from hearing his voice when he said dirty things.</p><p>“I’m tired of easing into things,” Peter said. “I want to feel everything.”</p><p>Tony nodded weakly and knocked the box of condoms off the bed with a shrug. “The lube is non-negotiable.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes and smiled.</p><p>“So you know, I am clean,” Tony said seriously. “You don’t have to worry about that, if you were worried.”</p><p>“I trust you.”</p><p>“Right,” Tony said. “I got tested pretty much as soon as we got back from the retreat, so I could be totally sure, and—”</p><p>“Tony, quit stalling.”</p><p>Tony exhaled. “I’m usually a lot smoother than this.”</p><p>“I know,” Peter agreed, “but I like it.”</p><p>“You like watching me squirm,” Tony accused. “So sadistic.”</p><p>“You’re sadistic for making me lay here almost naked without actually doing anything about it.”</p><p>Tony grinned. “You caught me. I love looking at you, though. If it was allowed, I would just have you walking around naked all the time.”</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“Too much?”</p><p>Peter smoothed his hands over his stomach. His eyes slid past the collection of stretchmarks at his side and the lingering softness he had since losing the weight he had already lost was only enough to take him from a BMI that classified him as obese to one that labelled him overweight. But, the numbers didn’t mean anything. There he was, with someone who loved him, bearing it all to Tony without feeling ashamed or gross. He was still going to have sex, and he could still feel good regardless of what weight he was or wasn’t.</p><p>He wasn’t going to be walking around naked for no reason, but when it came to being in bed with Tony, he wouldn’t mind shedding his clothes.</p><p>Peter stared at Tony directly in his eyes while he slid his boxers down his thighs. Tony helped pull them off the rest of the way, and without even stopping to stare, he was on him.</p><p>It was different being naked for Tony in bed. They’d been intimate in the shower, but the water had been a buffer, and Tony had—mostly—been touching him to clean and take care of him. Now Tony was gearing up for something a little more intense.</p><p>“You’re all I want,” Tony declared before his lips met Peter’s.</p><p>Peter couldn’t respond since his mouth was being occupied, but he wanted to return the sentiment. Tony was everything to him. He would love that man until he died, and maybe even after that.</p><p>Tony kept the kiss brief, obviously aware that there were other things he could be doing. Things they’d both been waiting to do.</p><p>Peter held his breath while Tony grabbed the lube. His heart thumped loudly in his ears while he waited for Tony to break the seal.</p><p>“New bottle,” Tony explained.</p><p>“I can see that.” Peter smirked. He appreciated the gesture. Tony had evidently thought of everything while he’d been hemming and hawing about being ready. Peter didn’t have to wonder what else or who else the lube had been used for since it was new.</p><p>Peter inclined his head when Tony a strange expression formed on Tony’s face. “What?”</p><p>“Have you ever used lube before?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter smiled impishly. “Not exactly. I mean, I’ve used it in robotics, but it’s kinda different.”</p><p>“I thought that might be the case,” Tony mused.</p><p>“Kind of hard to get stuff like that, let alone keep it around when you’re a teenager. Plus, you know I wasn’t doing anything that needed it.”</p><p>“Well, you’re in for a treat.”</p><p>Peter didn’t say anything while Tony slicked his hand up. He expected that Tony would go right for his ass, but instead he wrapped a hand around his dick. He wasn’t sure if he should’ve been embarrassed that the entire shaft disappeared in Tony’s fist, or if he should believe that Tony liked his size. When he touched Tony, his hands didn’t completely engulf him, but maybe his hands were smaller?</p><p>“Stop thinking,” Tony instructed. “Just watch and feel.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes flashed to Tony’s in a challenge. How dare he stop him from dissociating.</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows and tightened his grip around Peter’s dick.</p><p>Peter groaned while his eyes fell shut. <em>Okay, that does feel really good.</em></p><p>Tony kept stroking him with his slick fingers, and the slide of Tony’s skin against his own felt exquisite. Much better than spit or the dry rub he usually got while he waited for enough precome to accumulate to smooth the way. No wonder he hadn’t been too into masturbating before.</p><p>Tony picked up the pace and started twisting his fist around Peter’s tip with every pull.</p><p>“Oh God,” Peter blurted. “Tony, I can’t.”</p><p>“Can’t what?”</p><p>Peter cried “I’m gonna come.”</p><p>Just like that, Tony’s hand was gone, and Peter whined at the loss. His dick leaked pathetically against his stomach, hard and pink.</p><p>“Hey,” Peter complained.</p><p>Tony smiled. “Patience, love. If you come now, you’ll be way too sensitive when I fuck you.”</p><p>“Oh.” What the fuck else was he supposed to say to that? His dick twitched yet again at Tony’s filthy words. Then he realized Tony had called him love which was romantically filthy. It was perfect. He’d asked Tony what he liked to be called, and he hadn’t come up with anything better than jokes like big shot and Mr. Stark, but love felt so much more appropriate. So fitting for Tony.</p><p>Peter gasped when Tony pressed his newly coated finger against his entrance. He bit his lip and started worrying immediately. Had he showered well enough? What if Tony didn’t like it? Was it going to hurt? He knew he was bisexual, and admittedly Tony-sexual now, but what if that didn’t necessarily mean he would like anal sex? Tony’s finger inside of him had felt amazing, so he figured that meant his dick would only make the sensation better.</p><p>“Peter,” Tony said gently. “Stop checking out. If you’re not paying attention, you won’t stop me if I go too far.”</p><p>Peter blushed at the reprimand. Once he brought his mind back to the present, he found it was much more enjoyable. Tony’s finger was doing exactly what it had done when they showered together, except with the lube it was even more heavenly.</p><p>“Much better,” Tony mused. He kissed the inside of Peter’s thigh while he worked. “Good boy.”</p><p>Peter still felt exposed and terribly vulnerable with Tony between his spread legs. Everything on display. He hazarded a glance at Tony’s pants and frowned since he was supposed to have taken them off.</p><p>“Take off your pants,” Peter said. “I can’t see anything.”</p><p>Tony huffed and slipped his finger out of Peter’s body so he could undress fully.</p><p>Peter pouted when he had to face the consequence of Tony taking his hand away from him. He hadn’t thought it through.</p><p>It was worth it when Tony’s pants came off because Peter could see how hard he was. It excited him to know that Tony was excited. Turned on because of his body and because of their bond. Tony wanted him to feel good, not just go through the motions that would lead to him getting himself off more quickly. He could tell how deeply Tony cared for him.</p><p>“Better?” Tony asked.</p><p>Peter licked his lips when Tony palmed himself through his underwear. <em>Much better.</em></p><p>“A little bit.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes fondly and got rid of the boxers too.</p><p>Peter’s eyes widened once he got to see Tony’s cock. That was what he had been missing. Of course he wanted Tony inside of him. He wanted to feel his dick filling him up, and he wanted to feel it when Tony came. He wanted to be claimed.</p><p>“God, Tony,” Peter sighed wistfully. “You’re perfect.”</p><p>Tony smiled at him. “Takes one to know one.”</p><p>Peter hummed when Tony put his finger back inside of him. Tony used one hand to explore his body, reaching up one moment to roll his nipple between his fingers, then stroking his flank with the back of his hand the next. He used his other hand to open Peter up. His entrance was slicked and loosened enough that Tony was sliding in and out of him easily. He circled the rim and put pressure on Peter’s walls. A few times, Tony caught just the right spot, and Peter’s dick would tingle and jump at the sensation. Every time that happened, Tony would give him a smile and another kiss on the thigh.</p><p>Finally, after Peter was almost through with the teasing, Tony grabbed the lube again. He coated his fingers and spread them across Peter’s hole without entering him, and then he got some more and repeated the process, this time actually going in.</p><p>Peter loved how two fingers felt inside of him. Everything was intensified, and he could feel his ass squeezing against Tony, trying to resist the intrusion, but it was exciting. Every time he looked at Tony, his eyes were bright and eager. His dick was wet at the tip, and Peter moaned involuntarily at the thought of Tony being truly inside him.</p><p>“Tony, please,” Peter begged. “I want it now.”</p><p>Tony moved his fingers in and out of Peter quickly, targeting his prostate each time instead of at random intervals.</p><p>Peter’s body tensed in preparation to let go and come, but again, Tony took him to the edge and backed off.</p><p>Too soon and not soon enough, Tony’s fingers were gone from Peter’s ass. Instead they were wrapped around his own cock, lining up at Peter’s hole.</p><p>Peter wanted to hold his breath, but Tony leaned down to suck at his nipple, and he took another detour up to his mouth. Tony kissed him once without deepening it, but as he pulled away, he ran his tongue around Peter’s lips. He had no choice but to exhale to release his pent up energy.</p><p>“Relax,” Tony soothed. “Breathe.”</p><p>Peter nodded against the pillow and watched with wide eyes while Tony pushed forward into him.</p><p>“Ohhh.” Peter brought his hands up to his face and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. It was so good, he didn’t know if he could even handle it.</p><p>The pressure inside of him was Tony, and the weight on top of him was Tony, and the hands rubbing encouraging circles into his thighs was Tony. He was everywhere, and it wasn’t enough yet.</p><p>Peter reached out for Tony. He wrapped his hands around his back and dug his fingers into his skin, and he wrapped his legs around his hips and locked his ankles together.</p><p>“I can’t move.”</p><p>Peter knew Tony made a good point. He wanted Tony to start thrusting, so he could take him apart, but at the same time, he didn’t want to let go.</p><p>“I love you,” Peter said quietly. He adjusted his position to let Tony move a bit, but he still clung to him as much as he could.</p><p>“I love you, too,” Tony replied. He still didn’t move for a moment, taking a pause so he could kiss Peter on the forehead.</p><p>Peter wanted to cry when Tony pulled out a few inches only to push forward again and close the gap between them. Tony’s thrusts were slow and easy, but the contact still jostled him on the bed and sent his mind into another world.</p><p>“Fuck,” Tony sighed. “You feel so good.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Tony nodded and kissed him with tongue this time. He thrust forward again while he licked into Peter’s mouth, and Peter moaned in response.</p><p>“Good for you too?” Tony breathed.</p><p>“Y-yeah,” Peter agreed. “I-I don’t—oh yeah.” Peter babbled when Tony snapped his hips forward.</p><p>“Faster please,” Peter added. He liked the feeling of Tony going harder. Slow was fine too, but the faster Tony went, the more often he hit that delicious spot inside of him, and he wanted the sparks to be sent up his spine.</p><p>He didn’t know where to look or what to say when Tony picked up the pace. He didn’t know whether to try and clench his muscles around Tony to make it tighter for him, or if he should try to meet his thrusts, or if he should do anything. He’d been scared of not being good at sex, but Tony seemed to be enjoying himself.</p><p>“I—what can I do?” Peter asked. His legs and arms were still wrapped around Tony’s body, and Tony was looking right into his eyes, and it was deeply exposing.</p><p>Tony slowed his pace, but he was still breathless when he spoke. “Does this feel good?”</p><p>“Yes,” Peter squeaked. “It’s incredible.”</p><p>“Nothing, then,” Tony insisted. “Lie back and enjoy it.”</p><p>“But, don’t you want me to help?”</p><p>“Trust me,” Tony said. “I’m barely holding on. There’ll be time to play around later, but right now I want to last.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter breathed. It was obscenely hot to him that Tony was having a hard time not coming even though they hadn’t been going for that long. He felt close too, and Tony had said once he came he would be too sensitive to continue, and he didn’t want to ruin Tony’s fun, so he let his mind wander and tried not to concentrate on how amazing Tony’s cock felt stretching him open.</p><p>“Good,” Tony grunted. He seemed to be done talking and started increasing his pace again.</p><p>“Oh fuck,” Peter panicked. Letting his mind wander had been a bad idea, because there were no worries counteracting the physical sensations and he had nothing else to focus on except Tony inside and around him.</p><p>Peter squeezed his eyes shut and tried to stop it, but Tony put his mouth on the nearest contact point which happened to be his sensitive neck, and then told him to let go.</p><p>“Come, baby,” Tony encouraged. “I want to feel you come on my cock. Please.”</p><p>Peter’s hands hadn’t moved from Tony’s back since they started, so all he had left to do was dig them into his skin even deeper. He locked his legs around Tony’s hips even tighter and brought him in as close as he could. The last thrust Tony made trapped Peter’s dick in between their bodies and gave him the friction he needed.</p><p>Peter moaned for Tony and let himself go. His body went lax almost as fast as it had tightened, and the second he started coming, Tony thrust weakly a few more times, hitting his prostate again and intensifying his orgasm further. He barely registered the wet warmth spilling across his stomach because his entire being was focused on Tony going still and quiet for a moment before snapping his hips forward one more time and groaning.</p><p>Peter could’ve died from how good Tony’s cock felt pulsing inside of him. Tony rocked his hips back and forth slightly to work himself through it, and Peter lied there utterly wrecked. He had come across his entire chest, even inside of his belly button, and he knew that meant Tony was marked up too. Tony pulled out of him, and he could feel the slickness of the lube and the come slide out with him.</p><p>Tony kissed him again even though he was too foggy to kiss back. He had never felt better in his entire life.</p><p>Tony rolled off him to lie next to him, but Peter didn’t like how far away that put him even though they were touching. He scrambled to get on top of Tony, uncaring of how dirty he was, or if he was heavy. He wanted to be closer.</p><p>Peter straddled Tony’s hips with his knees resting on the bed, and folded himself against the rest of Tony’s body. His face was against Tony’s chest, and most definitely resting in his own release, but it didn’t matter to him much.</p><p>Tony welcomed him and started rubbing his fingers gently up and down his back in errant patterns.</p><p>“How was that?” Tony asked.</p><p>“It was so good,” Peter replied. “I can’t even think.”</p><p>“I know I wasn’t like a porn star or anything, but was it still okay for you?” Peter added.</p><p>“It was perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.”</p><p>Peter hummed and snuggled closer to Tony’s chest. His hum turned into a surprised moan when Tony reached behind him and put two fingers back inside of him.</p><p>“Tony,” Peter sighed in disbelief and approval.</p><p>“I love playing with you.”</p><p>“Go ahead,” Peter encouraged. “It feels nice.”</p><p>Tony dipped in again, and Peter winced at the sensation of more come leaking out of him, but it wasn’t awful, just odd. It was exciting to be touched and admired. Tony seemed pleased for marking him just as he’d been pleased for being marked.</p><p>“Thank you, by the way,” Tony said.</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“Letting me have you,” Tony explained.</p><p>Peter pressed a kiss to Tony’s chest in response.</p><p>“And for letting me do it raw.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Peter countered. “Is it bad that I kind of want to do it again already?”</p><p>Tony’s fingers disappeared from his hole quickly, and before Peter could ask what exactly Tony thought he was doing, he felt the blunt pressure of his cock slipping back in.</p><p>Peter backed his ass up so Tony could put more in than just the tip, and then he sat up fully, his weight supported entirely on his knees.</p><p>Tony put his hands on his hips and fucked up into him relentlessly. Peter had to concentrate on keeping his balance despite Tony’s grip. He felt self conscious about his dick, now hard again, bouncing up and down with the force of Tony’s movements, so he wrapped his hand around it to hold it.</p><p>Tony had been right about how sensitive his ass would be after he’d come, but he didn’t care. He could tell by Tony’s half pained, half ecstatic expression that his cock was sensitive too.</p><p>Peter enjoyed the vantage point more than being on his back. He could see Tony’s chest perfectly, and he could look down at his handsome face, and sitting up like this meant that Tony’s cock was hitting all the right angles so much better. His hand flew up and down over his cock while he sat prettily on top of Tony.</p><p>“That’s it, Pete,” Tony groaned. “You’re so fucking sexy.”</p><p>Peter fell forward onto Tony when he started thrusting even harder. He caught himself with one arm and kept jerking himself with the other.</p><p>He spilled across Tony’s chest for a second time, adding even more to the mess he’d already made. And Tony nodded at him in approval. “So perfect. Such a good boy for me. Look how well you take it even for your first time. Like you were made for me.”</p><p>“I was,” Peter agreed.</p><p>Tony’s mouth popped open and he gave one last jerk of his hips and shot into Peter again.</p><p>“Yes,” Peter hissed. “God that feels amazing.” He moved his body up and down on top of Tony’s a few times to help coax him through his orgasm, and then he stilled. Neither of them made any move to change their position, and Tony stayed inside of him until he softened and slipped out naturally.</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure if he hadn’t died and gone to Heaven. He was so happy, and his body was buzzing like when he’d tried wine on his birthday, but he was just drunk on Tony this time. There was nowhere safer for him than in Tony’s arms, and there was nothing more rewarding than being loved by him. Tony was all he wanted, and when he looked in his eyes, he could see that the feeling was mutual. He didn’t know how it had happened or how he’d gotten so lucky, but he was through with questioning it. He was good enough for Tony simply by being who he was, and by giving him the love he needed. Individually they might not have been perfect, but they were perfect for each other.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warning for all sorts of porn. Handjobs, blowjobs, fingering, anal (bareback). In the bed, in the shower, on the couch, on the floor. Also mentions of self-harm scars.</p><p>I did not write 200,000 words of starker just to skimp on the sex scene(s) :)</p><p>Thank you for getting this far in the story! I hope it was worth it lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Destination</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A timestamped glimpse into Peter's future with Tony.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>November 2019</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter had only been weighing himself sporadically since he’d altered his goal in October. Giving himself one less thing to worry about by narrowing his focus to doing well in school and being present in his relationships made it way easier to maintain a positive attitude and handle his responsibilities. Walking around campus, doing exercises in his room when he could, and fitting in short workouts with Tony in his home gym was enough to satisfy him—fooling around may or may not have contributed to the burning of a few calories, as well.</p><p>Peter was aiming for consistency for the most part—to him, success looked like eating enough calories to maintain his weight and going into a deficit on days when he felt like he could manage it. He wasn’t putting pressure on himself to keep a rigid diet since his lifestyle was changing, and that meant adapting his eating and exercise habits to fit his life, not changing his life to fit his diet.</p><p>He didn’t regret deciding to go to college, and he definitely didn’t regret entering a relationship with Tony, and he didn’t beat himself up for not being further along with his goal because along the way of his journey, reaching under 200 pounds was a side-effect of his goal to becoming healthier and not the goal itself. His mental health was much better, and he’d learnt to appreciate what he had and to understand that everything he loved about his life had been there before he’d even lost a pound. That included Tony.</p><p>When he decided to weigh himself for the hell of it when he was at Tony’s place one weekend, he didn’t expect to see 197.5 displayed on the small screen of the scale. He had clothes on, too.</p><p>He ran to the couch where Tony was lounging in front of the TV and plopped next to him.</p><p>“What’s got the wind up your tail?” Tony asked, opening his arms to accommodate Peter onto his lap.</p><p>“I just weighed myself.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Tony moved his hands to the hem of Peter’s shirt and slipped them under the material.</p><p>“Guess who’s under 200?”</p><p>“That’s great, babe,” Tony mused. “Are you happy?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Peter admitted. “It’s cool, but I don’t feel as excited as I thought I would.”</p><p>“What do you think?” Peter wondered.</p><p>“I think,” Tony replied while moving his hands up to Peter’s waist, “that you have ridiculously soft skin, and I’d like to see more of it.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “Easy, Buffalo Bill. I’m rather attached to my skin and don’t want anything happening to it.” Still, he lifted his shirt over his head and threw it on the floor to give Tony easier access.</p><p>“Much better,” Tony commented. He moved his mouth to one of Peter’s nipples and sucked.</p><p>“Ahh,” Peter whined. “I’m sensitive.”</p><p>“I know, and delicious.”</p><p>“Seriously, though,” Tony added. “You’re just as hot as you always were, but I’m very proud of you, Pete. We can celebrate however you want. If that means not celebrating, or if it means throwing you a big blowout…whatever you want.”</p><p>Peter shuddered when Tony sucked hard at his nipple again. “How about…we revisit the, um, topic, and keep doing this.”</p><p>“Fine by me.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>December 2019</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>When it was time for Christmas Break, Peter finally got the time he needed for some long overdue socializing. First on the list was going to D.C. to meet Rhodey.</p><p>“Do you think he’ll like me?” Peter wondered.</p><p>“He’s gonna love you,” Tony said. “Trust me. He’ll probably like you better than me, and then I’ll be out a best friend and a boyfriend.”</p><p>“Stop.” Peter eyed him. “I’ve heard your phone calls. You call him honeybear, so if anyone needs to be worried about losing a boyfriend, it’s me.” He was 100 percent joking and reached over the console to put a hand on Tony’s thigh.</p><p>“Actually,” Tony began. “I’m excited for you two to meet. We’re going to dinner with his fiancée too, and I don’t know her that well, so we’re all in the same boat.”</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>“Don’t be nervous. Seriously, Pete. Rhodey’s like family. I promise you it’ll be fine.”</p><p>“And in like an alternate version of reality where Rhodey morphed into a complete dick who didn’t like you? We’d be outta there before they served the appetizers,” Tony added.</p><p>As usual, Tony cut right through everything and got to the heart of his worries. It wasn’t that he was worried Rhodey wouldn’t like him, it was that if the man didn’t like him, he would feel like he didn’t belong in Tony’s life. If Tony didn’t take his side or decided to break it off because of Rhodey—who’d known him for longer than he’d been alive—it would be devastating.</p><p>“Yeah, but I don’t want you to be on the outs with your best friend.”</p><p>“What if you don’t like him?” Tony asked. “Ever think of that?”</p><p>“If he’s your best friend, he’s gotta be likeable,” Peter countered.</p><p>“There you go, I have impeccable taste in friends, and lovers, or, lover, rather. So, he’s going to like you, and you’re going to like him, and it’ll all be a jolly time.” Tony smirked.</p><p>“I love you, Tony,” Peter said. “Have I told you that today?”</p><p>“Mmm. Yes, once when we were loading the bags, and then when we stopped off so you could go to the bathroom.”</p><p>“Is that all?” Peter asked. “Well, let me say it again.”</p><p>“I love you,” Tony said before Peter could get it out. “Haha. I win.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Peter, of course, had worried for nothing because Rhodey was great and so was his fiancée.</p><p>Besides a successful dinner, Peter got to have a nice talk with Rhodey back at his apartment when the man strategically walked by the guest bathroom just as he was exiting.</p><p>“Peter,” Rhodey said.</p><p>Peter appreciated that Rhodey didn’t pretend that it was accidental.</p><p>“Thanks again for having me,” Peter said. “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”</p><p>“Yeah, same,” Rhodey agreed. “And no, problem.”</p><p>“I was nervous, to be honest,” Peter added. “I wasn’t sure if you’d like me.”</p><p>Rhodey’s face turned sympathetic. “The way Tony’s face lights up when he talks about you pretty much guaranteed that I’d like you, and you didn’t disappoint.”</p><p>“Really?” Peter blushed. “I mean, same for you. You’re really important to Tony. It’s intimidating.”</p><p>“Good,” Rhodey said seriously.</p><p>Peter’s eyes widened and then Rhodey let himself smile before clapping Peter on the shoulder. “Anyway, sleep tight, kid.”</p><p>“Yeah, you too, um, man.”</p><p>Rhodey grinned at him and disappeared back into his bedroom.</p><p>Peter felt lighter as he made his way back to Tony in the guest room.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what did Rhodey say in his little talk? Did he tell you not to hurt me?”</p><p>“No,” Peter said. “I think he knows he doesn’t have to.”</p><p>“Ugh, you’re so sweet,” Tony groaned. “Do you have an off button?”</p><p>“Nope, my settings are sweet, sweeter, and sweetest.”</p><p>“Come here,” Tony suggested. “I want to look for that button.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>March 2020</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter was still working part-time hours at Iron Fitness with one Sunday shift and the rest of his hours being accumulated through answering emails. The majority of his correspondence was done to notify gym members of their expiring memberships.</p><p>It was an interesting experience to see his name on the list that Carol had provided him with. Tony had upgraded his membership to platinum when they’d finished their lessons together, but apparently he hadn’t extended the contract date, only modified the level. Peter couldn’t wait to tease him about it.</p><p>He could hardly believe that it had been a year since he’d met Tony, and on top of that, that they’d been together for over six months, and his first year of college was coming to an end. It had been such a wild year of ups and downs. When he looked back on it, he remembered more of the ups than the downs. Meeting Tony and everything that went with it ranked number one on the list of good things—gathering the courage to admit his feelings, his first kiss, their first date, and their first time having sex. Still, he appreciated all of the other amazing things that had happened to him over the year. Befriending the Iron Fitness crew, moving into his own apartment with his best friends, and working his way to earning the degree of his dreams on a full-ride were all noteworthy mentions.</p><p>Receiving his first card from Tony was another win in his book. Especially since he’d never explicitly mentioned his interest in receiving one to Tony.</p><p>It had been a typical Friday, and Tony had come to Brooklyn to pick him up. When Peter went to get into the passenger seat, he had to move a gift bag out of the way. He’d carefully set the bag on the ground, not wanting to assume it was for him or that it was to open at that moment.</p><p>After making it almost the entire way to Manhattan, Peter finally broke down. “Who’s the gift for?”</p><p>Tony had awarded him an eye-crinkling grin. “That would be you.”</p><p>“Really?” Peter glanced at him skeptically. “A gift for what?”</p><p>“Just because.”</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“It’s been a while since I got the chance, and I wanted to reward myself for being so good about it,” Tony explained.</p><p>“You rewarded yourself for not bombarding me with gifts by getting me a gift?” Peter asked incredulously. “Amazing.”</p><p>“I deserve it,” Tony huffed. “Open it.”</p><p>Peter had come around majorly and was more accepting of Tony spoiling him. To his credit, he had toned it down a great deal, and Peter appreciated the effort. That being said, he still loved being surprised, and he knew it made Tony happy to provide, so he was happy to accept it.</p><p>Peter frowned when he peeked into the bag and saw an envelope. “Is this…?” Peter grabbed the card and gasped quietly before breaking into a grin. “You got me a card?”</p><p>Tony nodded. “It’s possible.”</p><p>“How did you—”</p><p>Peter blushed when he remembered showing Tony his entire memory box of cards, pictures, and keepsakes. Most of them from his aunt and uncle, but a few special ones from his parents. Tony must’ve noticed how much the personal touch of a card meant to him and decided to try his hand at the gesture.</p><p>“You didn’t have to,” Peter remarked. “I know you don’t do cards, and I don’t know why…if there’s a reason, or if it’s even that deep, but that’s okay. You know, you don’t have to do it just for me.”</p><p>“I know I don’t have to,” Tony replied, “but I want to. I can always make an exception for my favourite person.”</p><p>Peter smiled.</p><p>“I know how much I love the notes you’ve given to me,” Tony continued. “It’s not hard to put myself in your shoes.”</p><p>“Well, I was making do,” Peter admitted. He held up the wrist adorned with the bracelet that Tony had given him for his 18<sup>th</sup> birthday.  “I’ve got proof of your affections with me at all times.”</p><p>“The bracelet and the watch?” Tony asked, gesturing to Peter’s opposite wrist. “Looks like I got you shackled.”</p><p>“You do.”</p><p>Tony huffed. “On that note, you better get to the rest of the present.”</p><p>Peter hummed appreciatively when he picked up the red velvet box at the bottom of the bag. His first guess was jewellery, but he didn’t wear much, so he wasn’t sure what kind of piece it could be.</p><p>He opened the box anticipating to be surprised, not shocked.</p><p>“A key?” Peter asked. “To your place?”</p><p>Tony nodded. “I thought it could be useful if you ever want to sneak in and pay me a surprise visit, or if I leave before you for some reason. You can use it to lock up after. You know, if it’s too much, I get it. I’m not asking you to move in with me or anything, mostly because you already have a place, otherwise, I would’ve…maybe not if I could control myself. I’m hoping after you graduate, but yeah.”</p><p>Peter grinned. It was a rare occasion to experience Tony being rambly. The gesture must’ve meant a lot to him if it had him so nervous. It was fitting since it meant a lot to Peter too.</p><p>“I love it,” Peter assured. “I’d give you one too, but you have one since I technically live in your place already. You know, technically.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“And, once I graduate, you’ll have to clear some space because—”</p><p>“You are not bringing that god-awful couch with you. It’s a dealbreaker.”</p><p>Peter laughed. “Just for that, I’m going to use this key. Not today, not tomorrow, but when you least expect it, I’m going to make a trip to Manhattan, and you’re not going to know, and I’m going to scare the absolute shit out of you.”</p><p>“I really didn’t think this through,” Tony mused.</p><p>“No, you didn’t.” Peter waggled his eyebrows. “No take-backs, though, and I’m totally bringing the couch. Be prepared. Three years. It’s happening.”</p><p>Tony groaned. “Ugh, you’re a monster.”</p><p>“I’ll wear the Hello Kitty pyjamas tonight,” Peter countered. “Am I monster now?”</p><p>“I’m…reconsidering, but you’re on thin ice.”</p><p>“Thank you for the key, Tony. Seriously. I’m going to get a special key chain for it and everything.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong> June 2021</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter was floored that it had taken him over two years of knowing Tony to reach his goal of riding in each of his cars, but it was so satisfying to achieve something even if it was basically meaningless. It didn’t take Tony long to acquire yet another new car after that—almost as if he’d caught onto Peter’s private game.</p><p>Peter decided to raise the bar from riding in each of Tony’s cars as a passenger to driving each of them.</p><p>He gave up on that aspiration when he was three cars deep into it since Tony hated giving up the wheel, and driving standard transmission in New York absolutely sucked. It wasn’t fun to see Tony wince when he accidentally pressed too hard on the sensitive gas pedals, either.</p><p>Instead, Peter compromised with Tony and told him it was time—if he really wanted to, he could buy him a car of his own.</p><p>Peter had never seen Tony look so thrilled, and it clicked for him that giving gifts was genuinely as much of a joy for Tony as getting them was for everybody else. The custom red McLaren Spider with blue racing stripes arrived just in time for summer, and Peter took every opportunity to make the drive from Brooklyn to Manhattan to save Tony the trip.</p><p>He’d loved the car to begin with, and he loved it even more since Tony had bought it for him. He didn’t think his love for it could grow more until Tony insisted on blowing him while he was behind the wheel. The car was parked in his own special spot in Tony’s parking garage, and he still felt like he was going to crash it. Tony was that good.</p><p>It gave Peter a very intriguing idea for another car-related goal.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>April 2023</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Graduating from NYU was bittersweet for Peter. It had been simultaneously stressful and wonderful while it lasted, and Peter still had hopes to obtain a master’s degree, and eventually a PhD, but he was ready for a break from school.</p><p>The graduation ceremony itself was a tedious, but Tony made a point of throwing him a party to celebrate his success. All of his favourite people from Iron Fitness came to support him, and even Mr. Delmar made an appearance. The party doubled as a farewell party since Peter had a job lined up in his field and would no longer have to work reception. </p><p>Both Tony and May made toasts to him, and he tried to conceal his watery eyes when both of his favourite people spoke to how proud they were of him. Tears spilled over when May mentioned how happy his parents and Ben would’ve been if they could see him thriving.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“I really am proud of you, Pete,” Tony said once they were back at Peter’s apartment. He gave him a kiss on the cheek for emphasis.</p><p>“Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.”</p><p>“Yes, you could’ve.”</p><p>“Maybe, but I wouldn’t have wanted to.”</p><p>“You know what we’re doing tonight, don’t you?” Tony asked suggestively.</p><p>Peter hummed. “I don’t know. Does it involve a bed?”</p><p>“Yes, but not the way you think.”</p><p>Peter looked at him questioningly.</p><p>“Well, first, we’re gonna do exactly what you’re thinking of,” Tony explained, “and then, you’re officially moving in with me, so I think some rearranging is in order.”</p><p>“Rearranging?”</p><p>“That’s right,” Tony said. “It’s going to be as much your place as mine, so we need to make some room for you. A bigger closet, a second office, maybe a lab for all of your sciencey stuff. The works. I’ve already been working on some floor plans with Shuri, and it won’t be hard to make the place perfect.”</p><p>“Wow,” Peter breathed. “I don’t know what to say.”</p><p>“Say yes.”</p><p>“Yes,” Peter agreed. “Absolutely.”</p><p>“Good,” Tony responded.</p><p>“But,” Peter added, “you know once I start making the mega bucks, I’m going to have to get you something to thank you for all you’ve done for me.”</p><p>“I think we can work something out,” Tony agreed.</p><p>“You still want a truck to make up for the moving fiasco four years ago, don’t you?”</p><p>“Not much use for it now,” Tony admitted, “since we already have a bed, and you’ll want a bigger and better desk, and because that couch is not coming anywhere near Park Avenue. We can hire movers for anything else.”</p><p>Peter giggled.</p><p>“You know, there is actually something you can do for me. I just thought of it.”</p><p>“Anything,” Peter agreed. “What?”</p><p>Tony smirked and produced a black box from the pocket of his suit jacket.</p><p>Peter registered Tony getting down on one knee, but his brain took a moment to process what the actually meant.</p><p>“Yes,” Peter blurted before Tony could even speak.</p><p>“I haven’t even asked you anything yet,” Tony huffed.</p><p>“I don’t care. Yes.”</p><p>“What if I was just down here tying my shoe? That would super awkward for the both of us,” Tony joked.</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes. “Sorry. I’m just—go ahead. Um, continue.”</p><p>Tony laughed and got up from the floor. “Peter Parker,” he began.</p><p>“Mmm?”</p><p>“Will you do me the honour of being my husband?”</p><p>“Yes.” Peter nodded. “I will.”</p><p>“Perfect,” Tony sighed. “Then I guess that means you get to put this on.”</p><p>“Lucky me,” Peter mused. He held out his hand while Tony slid the ring on his finger, and his heart fluttered at the sight of it.</p><p>Tony dipped into his pocket again and pulled out a matching ring. “I don’t feel like waiting for the ceremony to wear this.”</p><p>“Good,” Peter said seriously. “I want to see it every day. I want everybody to see it and know.”</p><p>“Hmm. Know what?” Tony’s eyes sparkled.</p><p>“That you’re mine.”</p><p>“You’re damn right I am. And you’re mine.”</p><p>“Obviously.”</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>October 2024</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter stood in front of the mirror, examining his appearance. He turned and gathered a few droplets of water from the faucet and smoothed his already gelled hair again. Then he adjusted the bowtie around his neck to make sure it was straight. He smiled wide to make sure there was nothing in his teeth and found that the smile remained even after he relaxed his mouth. He looked pretty good.</p><p>He met his own eyes in the mirror and took a breath.</p><p>Peter couldn’t believe it was finally the day he was going to marry Tony. They’d talked about it, planned it, and Peter could hear the guests milling around the venue, but it felt like one moment Tony had been proposing to him, and now he was a few moments away from walking out of the bathroom to walk down the aisle.</p><p>He raked his eyes over his body and admired the tuxedo he’d had especially tailored for the occasion. It hadn’t seemed like a necessary thing to do since he was used to finding whatever fit at the thrift store and going with that, but being with Tony for five years had rubbed off on him in the most lavish of ways. Besides, being extravagant was acceptable on his wedding day. His bowtie was blue velvet and the pocket square was a beautiful burgundy. Tony’s bowtie and pocket square were the opposite.</p><p>“Knock knock, I’m entering,” Tony said from the doorway.</p><p>“Oh, hey,” Peter greeted.</p><p>“You good?” Tony wondered, approaching Peter from behind and wrapping his arms around him.</p><p>Peter locked eyes with Tony in the mirror and smiled. “I’m so good, but nervous.”</p><p>“Me too,” Tony admitted.</p><p>Peter smiled. “I’m so glad we decided to walk down the aisle together. I think I would die if I had to go alone.”</p><p>“I’m still partial to the idea of you being presented to me by Aunt May,” Tony teased. “It’s not too late to get you a vail, but then again, if you were the bride, I wouldn’t be allowed to see you right now. Silly traditions.”</p><p>“You’re more nervous than me.” Peter raised his eyebrows. “Aren’t you?”</p><p>“Guilty.”</p><p>Peter turned around to face Tony. “Want to skip this and elope?”</p><p>“Don’t tempt me, Parker.”</p><p>“Not for long,” Peter retorted. “And then, what puns will you be able to make?”</p><p>“The same ones you do. You really played yourself on this one. Sure you don’t want to back out?”</p><p>Peter sighed. “Are you sure <em>you</em> don’t want to back out?”</p><p>“Hell no,” Tony said. “But, you know you don’t have to take my name if you don’t want to.”</p><p>“I know,” Peter replied, “but I want to.”</p><p>“Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this right now,” Peter added. “We’re probably gonna be late for our own wedding.”</p><p>“Who cares? They have to wait for us. Sorry, but I make the rules.”</p><p>Peter grinned and leaned forward to kiss Tony.</p><p>“So you’re absolutely, positively sure that you want to become Peter Stark?” Tony asked. “Because once the papers are signed, no take-backs.”</p><p>Peter nodded and grabbed Tony’s hand. “Just wait until you hear my vows. I’ll prove how sure I am.”</p><p>Peter melted when Tony gave him his anime eyes.</p><p>“Ugh, what are we waiting for?” Tony sighed. “I’m ready to lock this down.”</p><p>They walked out of the bathroom hand in hand.</p><p>“Finally,” Rhodey complained.</p><p>Peter raised his eyebrows when he noticed that Rhodey wasn’t alone in his miffed expression. MJ, Ned, Pepper, Happy, and May were all standing around, and apparently had been waiting not very patiently…</p><p>The wedding party made their way to the entrance of the hall where Tony and Peter would seal the deal.</p><p>Peter and Tony linked their arms and waited for the music to start playing. They watched as May, the best woman, and Rhodey, the best man made their way to the front of the room and took their positions on either side of the officiant.</p><p>Next was Pepper and Ned who walked down the aisle gracefully and stylishly—Pepper wearing a wry smile while Ned beamed at everybody in the room.</p><p>Last was Happy and MJ who looked about as neutral as they always did—later, they would be the first to start wiping at their eyes.</p><p>Finally, everyone stood when the music changed, and Tony and Peter began their walk down the aisle.</p><p>“By the way,” Tony whispered, “you look so handsome.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Peter smiled, tightening his grip on Tony’s arm. “So do you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading!!! xx</p><p>I purposely don't mention Peter's body weight or weight-related appearance beyond him reaching his initial goal of being under 200 pounds. Whether he eventually gets abs, or whether he stays around 190, or whether he gets to his "ideal" weight...it's up to your own imagination. Happiness and love rather than thinness was always the endgame for Peter, and he fuckin did it :') </p><p> </p><p>Best wishes to all of you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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